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Feeling that Way	By : KayleighSiobhan Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Journey Views: 5177 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know any of the members of Journey. This story is completely a work of fiction. There is no truth to it. I make NO money from this story.

Chapter List
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After supper that night, Steve and Gregg were sitting on the couch watching TV. Steve was lying with his head in Gregg's lap. The singer loved doing that, he would lie quietly with his eyes closed while the keyboardist played with his hair. It was something they started doing early in their relationship and Steve found it relaxing and comforting. Steve was happy at this moment despite Greg rejecting his advances earlier. At least he was getting to be close to Greg, feeling his strength and warmth. When Greg left him for good at least Steve would have that to hang onto, the happiness they shared for the short time they were together. He doubted it would much consolation in his bed alone at night. Suddenly Steve heard Greg sigh and he opened his eyes. Gregg was looking down at him and said “ Oh baby you don’t realize how afraid I was that I would never going to get to do this again. I love you so much.” Steve was confused “If Gregg loved him so much then why didn’t he want to make love to Steve. It had to be because he had let that man use his body sexually. Maybe if he apologized to Gregg, maybe he would forgive the singer and take him back.
“Gregg I am sorry,” he said. “Sorry about what?” Gregg asked him. “I am sorry for what I did with that man,” “What do you mean you are sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong .Steve voice was so soft that he could barely be heard " Yes I did Gregg, I cooperated with him.”
"Steve he would have killed you, he overpowered you, he was too strong for you to fight him off," Greg told him
But I must have enjoyed it Greg, I must have really wanted it. It was like the flood gates opened and Steve couldn’t stop. .”That guy wouldn’t stop touching me, he kept feeling me and stroking me down there, and putting his mouth on me. It was his way of keeping himself worked up. But my body responded to him too. I couldn’t stop it. Then he would suck me off and he managed to make me come for him, more then once. He kept telling me it was because I really liked it. And I realized after a while that it was true. I enticed him somehow. I made him want to have sex with me. … "He said you wouldn't want me anymore," Steve choked, "He said he would just show you the sheets, where I came and you would know I betrayed you… he said that I had cheated on you and I said in the restaurant was a lie… Greg looked at him puzzled and Steve continued. "He was there Greg… he heard us talking, he must have followed us all day till he got found me alone.
Gregg shook his head. "I am sure he was not in the restaurant Steve, he just said that to terrify you."
Steve whimpered “ Why don’t you believe anything I say ??
Greg squeezed his hand and said "I believe you honey it is just I can’t believe he followed us all around town after we left the restaurant and we didn’t notice him. Steve honey this is ridiculous, you don’t have to keep going over this. If you don’t start putting this behind you.... At that moment the phone rang and Greg slipped out from under Steve to go answer it.
Steve really didn’t pay attention to the conversation. He heard Greg talking soft, and then finally hang up. Steve sat up on the couch and Greg came in saying “ I need to go away for a few days, I need to go home to Seattle.
Oh Steve said ““ When are we leaving ?” It was like all the light in the room suddenly went out. Greg said, "Not you honey, just me.” Maybe you could go and stay with your Mom and Marv. “No,’ Steve shook his head, having to leave the home he and Gregg had made together would, in his mind, be the first step to Gregg leaving him.” Can’t I stay here. Greg sighed, “ I will call Neal and see if he can spend a few days with you. Why don’t you take a shower and go to bed. I will be up a little later, At Steve’s worried glance, Gregg said “I promise” Steve didn’t know what else to say, he just got up and went upstairs without a word.
Greg sat on the couch. He didn’t know how to reach Steve, to get through his pain and help his life return to normal. From upstairs, he heard the shower then the blowdryer running. Finally Steve called down… I am going to bed. “Alright honey”, he said. He sat on the couch a bit longer, then went up to the bedroom. The moonlight shone in the bedroom window illuminating Steve’s sleeping form. He was sleeping on his right side, one hand resting on his pillow and the other on Misty, who was snuggled against him. At that moment Greg thought that Steve peacefully resting was the most beautiful sight in the world. He watched for a few minutes before going back down to call his guitarist.

Neal was lying on his bed half asleep when the phone rang. Even with knowing Steve was home safe with Greg, at least for now had not led to restful nights for the guitarist, so he was exhausted. This lead to frequent naps at odd hours. Fumbling around Neal grabbed the phone and mumbled “ Hello” When he heard Greg’s on the other end of the line he quickly came awake. “ Is Steve okay ?” his voice filled with anxiety. gregg reasured him. “He is fine, he is sleeping right now so I am trying to be quiet. I have to go up to Seattle for a couple days for a family family emergency. I can’t leave Steve alone and I can’t take him with me. He isn’t up to it, plus my some of my relatives are not cool with the fact that I am in a romantic relationship with another man. I was wondering if you could stay with him a few days. “ I would be glad to,” Neal told him, "When will you be leaving ?" " Hopefully late tomorrow morning or early afternoon. I am going upstairs right now to shower and get some rest. “Alright, I will be there tomorrow morning,” Neal was grateful that his girlfriend was out of town on an extended business trip. Things had been tense between since Steve had been abducted. She made it clear when Neal finally left the beach house and returned home, that she thought he was a bit too involved in Steve’’s life. Neal had trouble figuring out how she could be so insensitive towards Steve, when he had been through such a nightmare. But she would flip out completely if she knew he was going to be staying with Steve again. Neal figured what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. And he found himself looking forward to spending more time with Steve.
Greg spent the night holding Steve close and tight in his arms. It was as if he wanted to give Steve enough love and comfort to last till he came home. Early in the morning Greg booked a flight for that afternoon. He packed a suitcase and made arrangements for a cab. He tried to spend as much time as possible with Steve while he prepared for the trip but the singer was withdrawn and quiet. Only at one point did Steve say anything of substance.” I thought you were never going to let me out of your sight again.” “Oh Steve,” Greg said, “I am sorry I have to go, but Neal is going to keep you company. “ Steve wanted to cry out “ But I don’t want Neal, I want you, I NEED you. “ But he was quiet and appeared resolved to Greg’s going away. Greg was worried, and he hoped getting to visit with Neal might lift Steve’s spirits. But Greg knew one thing for sure, he was already missing Steve terribly and he hadn’t even left yet.
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Later that night...

A huge crash of thunder roared through the house and lighening illuminated all the windows. Suddenly Neal heard Steve wail, obviously startled awake. Neal was not sure if it was the storm or a nightmare that had frightened the singer. Steve had not been on tour with the band very long when it became obviously he was afraid of electrical storms. So since then the other members had tried to be very comforting to him when a thunderstorm ripped through the area. Neal jumped off the couch where he had been dozing and dashed into the bedroom. He flipped a wall switch and was greeted by the sight of Steve, shaking, tears pouring out of his eyes. He muttered something. Neal shook his head. Steve had heard the Portuguese language so much as a child and at such a young age, that he sometimes slipped back into at times of extreme stress. “ Steve honey you need to speak English” Neal sat down on the bed and gently took the frightened man into his arms. At that point another crash of thunder slammed through the night air and the lights in the house went off. Steve sobbed and pushed his head against Neal. “ I hate the dark, I miss Greg, then “ I want my Mom. “
“ God he sounds like a frightened little boy” Neal thought sadly as he held the singer tightly against him. “ It is alright Steve, it is going to be alright. Do you know if you have some candles around here ? “In the kitchen “,Steve told him, sniffling. “ Come on” he said Let’s go in the living room. You can lay on the couch, I will light some candles and I can make you a cup of tea. That will relax you. If you feel like it, you can to take a Valium. Help you fall back asleep. I promise I will stay awake and keep watch.
The tea sounds good but can we just talk for a while, I feel like all I have done since I got home from the hospital is sleep. “Sure” Neal said helping his friend to his feet. Poor Steve had lost weight since he was abducted. Greg had tried to coax him to eat more but to no avail. When Steve joined Journey he had been so tiny, actually underweight to point of having some malnutrition issues. Over the last couple years he had began to put on weight, still slim but filling out looking strong and healthy. Now his once voracious appetite had decreased to nothing.
A few minutes later Steve was sitting out on the couch while Neal lit several candles he found in the kitchen. Misty had followed her owner from the bed room and was now curled up on a chair sleeping. The grey kitty had not seemed to want to leave Steve’s side since he came home.

Neal fixed the cup of tea and dumped a generous amount of honey in it. He brought into the living room and handed it to the Steve, while sitting down next to him. “ Steve was still sniffling and an occasional sob came out of him. Neal said “ You know anything you need to talk about I can listen. Since we wrote our first song together we have always had such a special bond. I think we understand each other. Greg doesn’t touch me any more, I mean in no way that is itimate. He hugs me and holds me at night or when cry but he barely kisses me and he never tries to go further then that. He thinks I am damaged goods. He doesn’t want any one as ripped up and dirty as me. “Steve “, Neal protested, it is not about that, he is trying to give you time to heal. He doesn’t want to rush things.
‘ No it is not, I talked to Ross the other day. “ Greg didn’t know that he called, he was out, Marv was there and he gave me the phone. He didn’t realize Ross had a problem with me and …. I know Greg and Ross had a tremendous fight while I was missing. And I am know it was about me and how me and Greg being together was going to destroy the band, and ruin our image. “ Ross is an idiot”, Neal snapped a bit too harshly. “No he said he over heard Aaron and him talking and Greg was angry because …. I wanted to take it
slow physically with him and now that man…. I let him …. first. “ Neal had to control his self and suddenly had an image of himself adding to his to- do list “ Choke the shit out of Ross” He managed to remain calm though. “It didn’t go down like that, Ross lied. Greg couldn’t stop crying the whole time you were missing, and he wanted you to be safe and back in his arms. He didn’t want you raped for God sake but it wasn’t about his ego. It was about you not being hurt. He felt guilty that he left you alone long enough for you to be taken. “
Steve blurted out “ No there is more to it. You know why Greg left me behind when he went to Seatle. Before Neal could answer Steve continued. It is because I told him something the day he realized he had to go. I told him the truth. Even though I didn’t want to be with this man, it was like my body had a mind of it’s own. I responded him, I got hard for him, and it felt good when he stimulated me, good enough that I would come for him. And I felt like I needed to tell Greg, so I did. So when he got that call from Seatle he was more then happy to get away from me.
Oh sweetheart, it isn’t like that. Greg already knew about that. You kept telling the doctor about that, when you were in the ER that first night. When she told Greg about the injuries, she explained to him about how your body was just responding to a physical stimulus. “ I am not a kid Neal, I should have more self control then that. I mean I am 30 years old now, not a teenager. “
It was just the guys way of torturing and humiliating you. He knew what he was doing, how to push all the right buttons then torment you when your body just did what is natural. It wasn’t because you were willing or enjoying what was happening. Greg understands that. Now that Steve had started talking he couldn’t stop. I gave him a blow job Neal, “ he choked out.” He was going to rape me again and I was hurting so bad and I begged him not to. So he said he would take a blow job from me. I didn’t want to and I refused so he jammed something up inside me, Christ I think he almost pushed it up into my bladder. And it hurt worse then anything I have ever felt. Like my dick was on fire inside. And he wouldn’t take it out till I agreed to suck him off. Steve began crying again. Neal tried to blink back his own tears. He knew from Aaron’s sister some of what Steve had been through when he was being held, what the injuries he had suffered. But hearing Steve describe the abuse and torture, made his heart ache in a whole different way. What kind of sicko would torture a person like that. Especially someone as innocent, sweet, and gentle as Steve was. To do something to the young vocalist that would cause him SO much pain physically and emotionally as well. He knew the rapist had kept Steve handcuffed to the bed, naked, eagle spread and restrained. Steve would have been completely vunerable. He had to be terrified , and must have felt so helpless. Neal pulled Steve close to him and said “ It is alright, please don’t keep blaming yourself. You needed to survive Steve and you did. And it is all over now. He gently rocked him till it seemed like Steve was actually starting to nod off. “Come on” Neal told him." Lay down and I will set and watch over you while you sleep." He fluffed the pillows up and Steve lay down. “ Thanks for listening to me", he whispered to Neal. “ I will always be here for you.” Neal leaned over Steve and stroked his hair back from his face. “ You know Greg is right , you really are like an angel, so perfectly gorgeous. There was something in Neal’s intense stare that suddenly made Steve scared, there was a coldness and fear in his stomach. “So beautiful” Neal said said and then as if he could not control himself he put a hand on either side of Steve sort of pinning him under the blanket. He leaned in and kissed him, putting some gentle pressure behind it. The singer whimpered at Neal’s as his tongue tried to probe Steve’s mouth open. Neal ran his hand up over Steve’s thigh towards his crotch. The guitarist’s sensitive finger tips brushed against Steve’s shaft through his clothes. Paniced, Steve wailed and started thrashing about. It broke the spell and Neal pulled away. “ No, no Steve cried, not you too… please no. He jerked loose from the covers and cried “ I couldn’t stand being raped again. “
‘No baby,"Neal was as upset as Steve." I wouldn’t hurt you like that, dear God Steve, I would never force myself on you.”
"You think I am trash too don’t you.. you think that I would have sex with any guy because I let him…. Ross said I was like a prostitute showing myself off, selling my body. He told me I had ruined the band and that I might as well make a living on my back now. I guess you think that too. Maybe you are right… I should just turn tricks for a money now because I am nothing, just a good fuck for anyone who wants to take me." Steve stopped talking and looked at the floor.
“No Steve that is not how I see you. I love you. You are amazing. And I don’t know what is happening to me… but I do love you. He touched Steve’s face then said “ I hope Greg knows what a treasure you are, and what an amazing gift he has in your love. Steve looked at Neal in the candlelight for several minutes then he suddenly leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Good night Neal “ he said before laying down and pulling the sheet over him. He closed his eyes and was soon fast asleep. Neal blew out the candles, and sat back in the recliner. He was reeling from the kiss but soon he too was in dreamland. But Neal's dreams were filled with visions of making love to sweet gentle beauty lying next to him..
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Feeling that Way