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Forbidden	By : n4n4mi Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 2209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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A/N: Okay, this chapter is about Kaoru. Since I'm not ready to pair Kyo and Toshiya yet and Shinya and Daisuke are already happily together, I'll concentrate on Kaoru this time. Kyo's and Toshiya's time will come soon, I promise. xD

Chapter 19

Once again, months passed and school had started a while ago. Daisuke was now studying science in university. Shinya, Toshiya and Kyo were still in the public school. Toshiya and Kyo had now started high school and they already had lots of work to do, so they didn't actually have time to do anything else than study. Miyavi was still in the same class with Kyo and Toshiya, even in high school. Shinya was at 9th grade (A/N: I'm not familiar with japanese school system because I live in Europe. That's why I imagine the japanese school system to be quite similar to how it is in my own country). And Kaoru, well, he wasn't really studying much. He was working as a doorman at nights, but he took some extra courses at math because his father didn't want him to stop studying completely in case he'd come to regret his career choice. He was also giving some extra lessons of math to Toshiya and Kyo whenever they asked for help.

***

Yoshiki was home, checking math exams, very frustrated. He had really done his best to teach all the important things, given extra math lessons to his students and this was all that they could do? It seemed like his students didn't know anything about math. What was the point of even going to school if it was all for nothing? His students didn't learn anything though he tried his best. Toshiya's score was the worst of all. Only three points of the maximum 20 points. This was so frustrating.

There was only one exam left to check when he heard the door bell ring. He turned to look at the clock on the wall. Who could it be? It was already ten o'clock on saturday evening. Besides, he never had any visitors. Except... except if it was Kaoru.

Yoshiki stood up quickly, finding a mirror to check his hair. He touched his blond hair lightly and finally hurried to the door, opening it.

”Kaoru, what are yo-”

He didn't manage to finish his sentence because Kaoru had already clinged to him, his whole body shaking. Yoshiki didn't know how to act or what to say, the whole situation was strange. Kaoru was crying against his shoulder, hugging him tightly, begging for comfort.

”Kaoru, what is it?” he asked, worried. ”What has happened?”

Kaoru didn't answer anything at first, he was just sobbing and shaking, and finally he whispered between sobs: ”I... I told them. I told my family and... They threw me out.”

”No...” Yoshiki breathed. He couldn't believe it. Mr. Niikura was a very understanding and a kind man, he also seemed like a very good father. So how could it be possible? ”Are you serious?”

”Of course I am serious!” Kaoru cried. ”Why would I make up something like this?!”

Yoshiki gulped, and closed the door. He lead Kaoru into the livingroom and they sat on the sofa.

”What exactly happened?” Yoshiki asked. ”Tell me everything. Perhaps I can help.”

”You can't help me. No one can”, Kaoru said, sobbing. ”My father was very angry and... Hideyuki too. And then my father said that... I'm not his son anymore. His son can't be gay. They don't want to see me anymore... I have no place to go...”

Yoshiki took Kaoru in his arms, hugging him, trying his best to make him feel a bit better. It didn't work though. Kaoru didn't stop crying.

”Everything's going to be alright”, Yoshiki said. ”Please, don't cry.”

”No, it's not going to be alright”, Kaoru said angrily. ”Don't say it's going to be alright, when it's not true! They'll never accept me, never!”

Yoshiki made a deep sigh. ”It may look bad now but I'm sure your father will regret his words later. You're his son, after all. Your father will understand and it will be alright. Trust me.” He made a short pause, before he continued: ”Besides, you can stay here, at my place, as long as you want.”

Kaoru tried to wipe his tears away and whispered: ”No, I don't want to cause any trouble to you. I could ask Daisuke or...”

”Don't be silly, it's alright”, Yoshiki said, smiling in a friendly way. ”You're not causing any trouble. Stay as longs as you like. Anyway, do want some coffee or tea or just something to eat?”

”Umm... Tea would be nice”, Kaoru muttered. ”Thank you, sensei.”

***

The next day Kyo, Toshiya and Shinya had gathered at Daisuke's house to have a little chat about school and stuff. Only Kaoru was missing because he wasn't in a mood of meeting any of his friends yet, after what had happened to him.

“So, Daisuke, where were you studying again?” Toshiya asked.

“I'm studying science in the university”, Daisuke answered and Kyo looked shocked.

“You're such a geek”, he sighed. “Who would want to study science? It's too difficult for my brains.”

“Yeah, but remember: my boyfriend is a lot smarter than you are”, Shinya said.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Kyo hissed angrily, but Shinya didn't bother to answer anything to his question.

“Anyway, where is Kaoru?” Toshiya asked. “I haven't seen him for a while, I wonder how he's doing.”

Daisuke hesitated for a while before he said: “I don't know if I should be telling you this but... he's not feeling well at the moment. He's had a hard time...”

“What, why? What's happened?” Shinya asked, looking worried.

“How should I put this...” Daisuke muttered. “He told his father and his brother that he's into guys and... they didn't like it at all. His father threw him out or something like that.”

“Really?” Kyo breathed. “That sucks!”

“That's horrible!” Toshiya almost screamed. “So what if he's gay! His family should still be proud of him. After all, he's a great student and-”

“I know, but his father doesn't want to admit that his son is gay”, Daisuke said quietly. “It's horrible. Kaoru must feel awful.”

Everyone was silent for a while before Toshiya spoke. “So... if Kaoru was kicked out of his home, where is he then?”

“He's at Yoshiki's house”, Daisuke answered. “After all, Yoshiki's like another father to him or something.”

Kyo looked shocked. “Like a father? You can't be serious! You all know that Yoshiki lusts after him, god damn it”, he said. “Why didn't Kaoru come here at your place?”

“I don't know”, Daisuke answered. “Maybe he just didn't want to cause any trouble...”

***

Next day at school, after mathematics class, Toshiya and Kyo went to talk to Yoshiki. “Oh... Toshimasa and Tooru, do you want to ask about the exam?” Yoshiki asked, packing his things in his bag.

“No, not really”, Toshiya answered and thought for a while. “We... We heard about Kaoru from Daisuke. He's at your house, right?”

Yoshiki looked a bit confused, nodding. “Yes...” he said quietly. “What about it?”

“Umm... How is he?” Toshiya asked. “We are worried about him.”

Yoshiki sighed and touched his blond hair. “He's feeling a bit better already but he's still not alright”, he said. “He sleeps a lot and doesn't have interest for anything for now. He hasn't been able to study because he's so depressed. He has also skipped work.”

“Oh... well, tell him that we miss him”, Toshiya said. “We trust that you are taking a good care of him.”

***

It was already 6 pm when Yoshiki finally arrived home. He had been giving some extra lessons of math to some of his students and it had taken almost two hours before they had understood anything. Once again, he had almost given up. He had started to feel like he wasn't a good teacher after all. Maybe he should change a career or something. This was so frustrating.

Kaoru was sleeping on a sofa when Yoshiki walked into the livingroom. He woke up, though, when he heard the door open.

“Still sleeping, huh?” Yoshiki said and Kaoru quickly stood up, yawning.

“Umm... what time is it?” Kaoru asked, looking at his watch. “God, it's already 6 o'clock?! I've been sleeping for hours.” He was quiet for a while before he added: “What took you so long, anyway?”

Yoshiki sighed. “I had to give some extra lessons”, he answered. “But, are you hungry? Have you eaten anything?”

Kaoru shrugged his shoulders. “I haven't really eaten anything the whole day... I haven't felt like eating anything.”

“Well, I just bought sushi so you can eat if you feel like it”, Yoshiki said. “By the way... Toshimasa and Tooru were worried about you. Daisuke has told them about your situation, it seems.”

“Oh... okay”, Kaoru muttered, straightening his jeans. “Anyway, sushi would be great. Thanks.”

***

Later that evening Yoshiki was sitting on a balcony alone, looking into the darkness, a cigarette between his lips. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts, with no expression on his face.

That was when Kaoru arrived, closing the door after him. Yoshiki turned to glance at him, blowing the smoke out of his mouth.

“You're still here, sitting in the dark?” Kaoru stated, sitting next to the older man. “Are you ok?”

Yoshiki smiled a little. “Yeah”, he mumbled quietly. “I'm alright. I'm just... thinking.”

“What are you thinking, then?” Kaoru asked. “You don't look very happy.”

“It's nothing important”, Yoshiki said with a heavy sigh. “I'm just... I'm just thinking about my life. I don't enjoy my job anymore. I feel like quitting my job and trying something new...”

Kaoru lifted his eyebrow. “Why? What's happened?”

“I don't know. I feel like I'm not meant to be a teacher. I've been so frustrated and stressed because of my job lately. All my students suck at math, no matter what I try. They don't listen to me, they don't learn anything... It seems like I'm not a good teacher after all.”

Kaoru sighed and laid his hand on Yoshiki's shoulder. “That's not true”, he said. “You were one of my favourite teachers. It's not your fault that almost all the students are such jerks.”

“I know but... I guess I'm quitting my job anyway”, Yoshiki mumbled. “I'm going to discuss about it with Mana.”

“Really? Well, I'm not going to stop you but to be honest, I'm a bit surprised”, Kaoru said.

There was a long silence. Yoshiki continued smoking a cigarette and Kaoru was sitting next to him, glancing at the older man who used to be his teacher. Yoshiki, quitting as a teacher? It was weird... Yoshiki was a great teacher: always ready to help when his students had problems, patient and actually interested about the subject he was teaching (many teachers at their school weren't). But now, when looking at his ex-teacher, he had to admit that Yoshiki would be able to do anything if he wanted. He could just quit his job and change the career, and survive. Yoshiki had always seemed like a very strong and confident person.

Yoshiki turned to glance at him, noticing that he was watching.

“Would you like a cigarette?” Yoshiki asked, taking the cigarette pack from his jeans pocket. Kaoru nodded and took one of the cigarettes, lighting it with Yoshiki's lighter. Yoshiki himself took another cigarette.

“Thanks”, Kaoru muttered quietly, glancing at his ex-teacher. For some reason he suddenly felt himself very nervous. God, why was he feeling this way? Why did he have to got a crush on Yoshiki? Okay, they were both gays. And Yoshiki had been so nice to him... But that didn't have to mean that Yoshiki felt the same way as he did... He was alone with this feeling. Yoshiki couldn't be interested in him. Why would Yoshiki want a guy like him? He was Yoshiki's ex-student and ten years younger! Yoshiki thought of him as a friend... It was nothing more. Yoshiki just wanted to be nice to Kaoru because he had had a hard time and...

Suddenly Kaoru realized that he had been staring at the older man way too long and Yoshiki had probably noticed it too. He quickly broke the eyecontact and stared at his feet, not saying anything. Yoshiki was silent too. They were just sitting in the darkness, smoking their cigarettes, not saying anything anymore.

***

It was already 11.30 pm and Kaoru was still awake in the questroom. He had tried to sleep for over an hour but he just couldn't fall asleep. First of all: it was cold, and second, there were too many thoughts in his head, keeping him awake. His thoughts were on Yoshiki. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about the older man. When had he fallen for Yoshiki? When had that happened? After what had happened between him and Gackt, he had never thought of falling in love with anyone. But now there was Yoshiki, making him feel this way.

Kaoru jumped off the bed. What was the point in laying in bed when he couldn't sleep? He started to walk downstairs, silently, but soon he noticed some light coming from Yoshiki's bedroom and changed his plan. He creeped to the door, opening it slightly, peeking in.

Yoshiki was laying on his large bed, reading a book. However, the older man noticed him, turning to look at him inquiringly. “You're still awake?” Yoshiki asked.

“I'm sorry, I just couldn't sleep... It was so cold and...” Kaoru started to explain nervously, but was silenced by Yoshiki.

“Oh... Well, It's warm here. You can sleep here if you want”, the older man said with a sigh, making space for him in the bed. Kaoru hesitated for a while, staring at Yoshiki. Yoshiki stared back with a serious face.

“Umm... Thank you”, Kaoru muttered, climbing into the bed, under the covers. He was quiet for a moment, watching the older man reading a book, before he said: “You're still awake too? Don't you have to wake up early tomorrow?”

Yoshiki shook his head. “Nah, I have to wake up at nine. My first class starts at 11”, he said. After finishing his sentence he closed the book and put it on his bedside table. He also took off his reading glasses and switched the light off, getting under the covers with Kaoru.

“Good night, Kaoru”, Yoshiki said.

“Good night...”

***

Few weeks passed and Kaoru was still living in Yoshiki's house. He hadn't talked or seen his family for a long time and he kind of missed them but at the same time he couldn't care less. As his friends had told him, his father and Hideyuki weren't worth missing if they didn't accept him the way he was. And it was true. Kaoru couldn't change the way he was, he couldn't turn straight. If his father and Hideyuki thought that he would return to normal, they were very, very wrong. It was better this way, without his family. He had always respected his father and Hideyuki, but now he only felt bitter when he thought of them.

Because Kaoru had been living in Yoshiki's house for a long time already, he had offered to pay a “rent” or something like that. Yoshiki hadn't accepted his offer.

“I'm helping you as a friend”, Yoshiki had told him when he had offered money.

“But I've been here too long!” Kaoru had said. “I'm eating your food, using your electricity and... I have to pay you something! It's not right that you just let me be here with no compensations-”

“Like I already said, I'm not taking money from you”, Yoshiki had said. “Keep your money, you're going to need it in the future.” Kaoru had given up and he hadn't mentioned about money after that.

Now he was back to working as a doorman at nights. Sometimes the job was a bit scary because some drunk people could get very aggressive when he didn't let them inside the bar. But he had survived and he got paid well enough.

Because of Daisuke's and Shinya's suggestion, he had also been on a date a couple of times. Toshiya hadn't liked it, though.

“You're so mean, Kaoru”, Toshiya had squeaked when he had told about the dates he had been in. “You're seeing other guys even though you and Yoshiki are living together! Don't you care about him at all? That's so cruel!”

However, the dates hadn't went well. All the guys he had met had been total assholes or just after that one thing.

***

Toshiya didn't know what had gotten into him. Had he suddenly became crazy? He didn't know why, but after he had heard that Kaoru and Yoshiki were living together, he had wanted to pair them. Anyone could tell that Yoshiki and Kaoru wanted each other, so why didn't they do anything about it?! God, this was so frustrating!

One day, he and Kaoru had been talking on a phone. Kaoru had told him that he was once again going on a date, and that was when Toshiya decided that it was his turn to do something. Even if Kaoru would get angry at him. Because Kaoru would than him later, right? At least he hoped so.

After the last class, which happened to be math, Toshiya watched the other students leave and stayed behind to have a chat with Yoshiki. After everyone had left, he walked to Yoshiki, who turned to look at him questioningly.

“What is it?” Yoshiki asked. “Do you need extra math lessons? I can arrange some next week but right now I'm-”

“No, no, no”, Toshiya said, smiling broadly. “It's about Kaoru.”

“Uh... what about him?” Yoshiki asked, disappointed. Extra math lessons would had been good for Toshiya because he had failed the last exam.

“He's better already, right?” Toshiya asked.

“Yes. He's back to work and... he's a lot happier now”, Yoshiki said.

“Heh, that's what I thought”, Toshiya said and grinned. “However, it's funny how desperately he is trying to find a man... All those dates he's been at and-”

“Dates?” Yoshiki asked. “What do you mean?”

Toshiya tried his best to look surprised. “Well... He's been seeing some guys lately. Actually, he's on a date right now”, he said. “You didn't know?”

Yoshiki lowered his eyes. “No”, he muttered. “He didn't tell me.”

Toshiya felt bad, but at the same time he was proud of himself. He knew it... Yoshiki had feelings towards Kaoru.

“Well, anyway, thanks for taking care of him”, he said, trying to smile. “I have to go home.”

Yoshiki was left to sit there alone, head down.

TBC...

A/N: A killer ending! Poor Yoshiki... ^^
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