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Coming Home	By : SujiChan Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1406 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not know Dir en grey. This is just a work of fiction to entertain. I make no money off of it.

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There was a cool soothing touch on my face. I turned towards it, wanting to feel it soothe me some more, but it had moved. I opened my eyes, blinking a few times to clear my vision. He was leaning towards a bowl of water, wringing out a cloth. I watched his profile, admiring the nuances of it, and when he turned back to me I was caught by those dark eyes framed by long lashes. Seeing him hurt my heart, but at the same time the pain made it feel… full.

“Saika wasn’t here. I didn’t call anyone else yet. Didn’t know if you’d want me to,” he softly spoke, his voice deep and low.

“What happened?” I asked, and sighed when he tenderly began to pass the cool cloth over my face.

He slowly swept the cloth over my brow and down to my cheek. “I was working nearby when I saw you. I wasn’t sure if you were lost or not since you were alone and kept stopping. So I thought I’d ask you. You bumped into me, and then passed out. I carried you home.”

The cloth caressed down my throat, and I felt goose bumps rising. My breathing hitched and quickened. There was something about the way I felt when he was near or touching me. Lifting a hand I touched the larger one that held the cloth. He stopped moving, but I didn’t. My hand swept up his arm, feeling the chording of muscles, and the heat of his skin. He smelled like sunshine and clean sweat. Up to his shoulder I slid my fingers, and further until I could touch the line of his jaw. I watched as his chest started to rise and fall more rapidly, and looked up to see that his lashes partially covered his eyes.

“Why does my heart race when I just look at you?” I whispered more to myself than to him.

“Is that so bad if it does?”

I could hear the breathlessness in his voice. This was definitely different from how I felt near Kaoru. With that one I wanted to cuddle close and feel safe. With Toshiya I wanted to press close and feel his skin under my hands and lips. “I know how feel right now, with you, but I don’t know if I should trust how I feel. I could be married. I could love someone…” Instinct told me I wasn’t married. No one had said I was either. I didn’t have a ring on my finger, or even the outline of one removed.

He pulled away, and I could see how he’d stiffened. Something was bothering him. “You’ll remember someday.”

Pushing up I grabbed his arm, and when he didn’t look at me I cupped his cheek in one hand and turned his face towards me. His lashes were low over his eyes, hiding his emotions. “I hate it when you do that, Toshiya! You do it so I won’t know what you’re really feeling.”

His dark eyes widened. “How do you…?”

Hope. It was there in his eyes beneath the surprise. “I just know that it always pissed me off how you’d always hide your true feelings.”

He again lowered his lashes and turned his face away. “I had my reasons.”

Scrambling to my knees I knew an insane urge to break that damn wall he always erected between us. I just knew it was something I’d wanted to do for a long time. With two fistfuls of his shirt in my hands I yanked him around, and pressed my mouth onto his. Large hands grabbed my shoulders, and I resisted when he gently tried to push me back. “Toshiya,” I breathed at his lips, and felt him tremble beneath my fists. I deliberately licked at his lips to let him know I wanted him to let me in.

His fingers clenched and unclenched on my shoulders, representing the inner turmoil he was going through. Again I swept my tongue over his bottom lip, and then caught it in my teeth, gently nibbling it. His hands tightened as his lips parted. Letting that full bottom lip go I reached out with my tongue, and met his. He tasted like mint toothpaste and green tea. He wasn’t pushing me away anymore. One warm hand cupped my jaw, and the other moved to my back and drew me closer to him. I wanted to get closer as well so I shifted, and settled myself straddling his thighs.

Toshiya grunted softly, both hands sweeping down my back and then up it again, pulling the back of my tee up. Calluses scraped sexily against my bare skin, making me press closer to him with a purr. He took over the kissing, his mouth and tongue playing expertly with mine. His hair was soft and thick, some a little damp against his nape where I teased him by scraping my nails gently. A soft growl rumbled from his chest, and his mouth slid down over the line of my jaw to my neck. The first sharp little nip of his teeth made me moan and let my head fall back so he’d have more access as his tongue soothed the pink spot from his bite. His hands scraped almost roughly up my sides until they encountered the material of my bra.

Toshiya shifted so he could hold me securely with one arm around me, and with his free hand pushed me back against said arm. Through lowered lashes I watched him push my tee up, baring my bra encased breasts, and then ran his fingers over one cup. I felt my nipple tighten and press insistently against the pale blue satin cup. Nowhere did the thought come to stop him. Not even when he pulled the cup down and tucked it beneath my breast, exposing me to him. His fingers were hot as they traced the pink area around my nipple before sliding enticingly over the sensitive pale skin of my breast. I could barely breathe. It felt so nice. I wanted to remove my bra completely and let him touch my other breast as well.

For a brief moment his gaze lifted to mine, and I stopped breathing at the dark burning intensity of his eyes. His head lowered, and I barely had time to inhale before his mouth touched my nipple. I gasped, clinging to his shoulders, arching closer to him. Soft, full lips blessed my nipple seconds before the tip of his tongue flicked at it and then his teeth caught at the turgid peak and he suckled on it. Sharp little darts of fiery pleasure shot through my breast, making breathing a chore, and cascading liquid fire down through my body to pool between my legs where it made me squirm in need. The way Toshiya used his mouth on my breast had me moaning and panting.

I hadn’t realized that I’d been tugging on his shirt until he lay me back on the pillow, and yanked his work tee up over his head, letting it fall to the floor. I’d never seen him look so sexy. The thought startled me for a moment only because Toshiya bent to kiss me once more, shifting us so he knelt between my parted thighs. My hands explored his smooth bare back, following the shuddering of muscles, admiring the breadth of his shoulders, and skimming over the contour of his spine to the small of his back. His moist lips slipped downward over my chin, my throat, and back to my breast.

“Suji?”

The shout made us both freeze. Toshiya cursed softly, kneeling back, and fixed my bra cup and tee. He kissed me quick, moved off the bed, and donned his tee. I sat shakily up, trying to calm my breathing and racing heart. “Up here, Saika!” I managed to call to her, watching Toshiya smooth his hair and then busy himself setting the cloth I’d forgotten about back into the bowl of cool water.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded of Toshiya as she entered and saw him, he gaze narrowing.

“She fainted,” he started, knowing he’d gotten her attention when she ran worriedly to me. “I was working nearby, saw her alone, and thought she was lost. I was going up to her to ask if she needed help when she fainted in my arms.”

I blushed, wondering if she could tell that her brother and I had just been groping and making out. “I’m okay,” I assured her. “I had a bad headache, and… Hey, that old barn behind here? Does it mean anything to you?”

Saika glanced at Toshiya in warning before she smoothed her features and looked back at me. “We used to play around there as kids.” She shrugged like it was no big deal.

I peered at Toshiya who’d stiffened up again, and was once more letting his lashes cover his eyes to hide his emotions. “I gotta get back to work.” He turned to leave.

I held out a hand. “Wait!” He didn’t turn back around to face me, and I felt a sharp ache in my chest at the distance he put between us after such heated closeness moments ago. “Thank you.” He nodded and left before I could say more.

Saika felt my forehead and cheeks like a mother would. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I wanted to shout that I wasn’t okay, that something was pushing Toshiya away and I had no idea what it was, but it was killing me inside. “Saika, why wouldn’t he look at me?”

The words slammed into my head even as they hung in the air between us. I could hear a girl’s voice repeating those exact words. ‘Saika, why wouldn’t he look at me? Why can’t he tell I love him?’

“I don’t know, Suji. Toshiya’s a baka! He’ll love you someday.’

‘Promise?’

I hadn’t realized I’d been panting and shaking until Saika’s worried voice penetrated the fog of that brief memory. She was about to run for help when I caught her hand in my trembling ones. “I remembered something,” I whispered. I pulled her back down on the bed, and smiled at her. “I was asking you why he wouldn’t look at me, why he couldn’t tell I love him. You said he was baka and that he’d love me someday.”

Suddenly I threw my arms around her and hugged her. “I love Toshiya!”

Pulling back slightly she eyed me intently for a moment before she spoke. “What else do you remember?”

I frowned, thinking. “Nothing else. Oh, Saika, I’m so happy! I love Toshiya, and I think he loves me back!”

“You think?” She blinked, curious.

I nodded. “Because we kissed and if you hadn’t come in I think we would have made love.” I got off the bed. “Oh! I’ll need to talk to Kaoru, and explain to him how sorry I am he kissed me, and tell him that I love Toshiya.”

“Ah, yeah…” She stood and motioned to the door. “I’ll go make tea. You just rest for now.”

“But I’m fine,” I told her.

“You still fainted. Take it easy or I’ll sick Mama on you.” She rushed out while I pouted. But still in my little haze of happiness I didn’t know she ran out after her brother.

“You bastard!” she hissed as she caught Toshiya’s arm in her hands to stop him. “You took advantage of her loss of memories to try to seduce her! How low can you get, Toshiya?”

He pulled his arm free, scowling at her. “For your information she was the one doing the seducing. I have feelings for her, remember? So it was kind of difficult to not react. What did you want me to do? Shove her away and tell her to go to hell?”

“She remembers loving you,” she blurted. “She thinks you love her too.”

He shifted so they were more at a level while he intently stared into her accusing eyes. “I do, and I won’t pretend otherwise.”

“The doctor said she can’t have stressors,” she reminded.

He pointed towards the field. The barn was not in sight yet. “That barn is what stressed her. In the hospital she was fine until Die came into the room. I’m thinking he’s what she needs to avoid, not me.” He snorted in irritation, and then continued on his way back to work.

Saika watched after him, realizing he might be right. “Kami-sama save us all. When Die finds out he’ll lose it completely.”
…………………………

I sat in the garden with my tea and a snack, the diary opened in my lap. Most of the entries were about my life in America. So, my parents had left me the house here, knowing I’d wanted to return to Japan, and to Toshiya, for six years. I glanced at the house, and felt glad I’d come home. Other entries were about planning my trip here, and how nervous and afraid I was. After all, six years away from Saika’s family was a long enough time. What if they didn’t want to see me? I knew Saika would. Of all of them she was the one I’d kept in touch with the most. I’d occasionally sent a letter to the whole family, telling them how much I missed Japan and them and how I was doing. But I’d only told Saika I was coming back. I also told her of my hopes to see Toshiya.

The other entries were of Toshiya, and how I’d dreamt of him, yearned for him, and loved him forever. How I hoped he’d see me as a woman now, and not the annoying kid who’d fawned over him so pathetically for so long. How I hoped he’d realize he’d always loved me too, and we could then be together and live happily ever after.

I tilted my head curiously, and then snorted. “Wow, talk about sickeningly pathetic! Happily ever after? Does that really exist?”

“Suji-chan?”

I glanced up, and saw Kaoru standing awkwardly in the doorway. Leaping to my feet I bowed. “I’m sorry!”

“E?” he sounded startled.

“I thought what I felt for you was love, and it was, but as a brother. It’s not your fault your kiss was lacking…”

“Lacking?” he was now stunned.

I didn’t hear the soft laughter from behind him. “I’m sorry. I won’t kiss you again. I hope you understand.”

“Did she fucking say lacking?” Kaoru choked out.

Kyo pushed by, laughing. “Hello, Suji-chan. So, tell me again how this big lug was lacking? I found that very amusing.”

Kaoru hit the shorter blond on top of the head. “Screw off, reject.” He ran a hand over his face, sighing. “Well, saves me trying to explain how weird that kiss felt and that you’re a little sister to me and not bedding material.”

I neared them, slipping my arms through theirs. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to have you as my ‘older brothers’.”

Before they could say anything Toshiya entered the garden. “Hey,” he greeted them.

“Totchi…”

I beamed, slipping away from the two oldest and nearing Toshiya. I took his hand in mine, and faced the other two. “Today I remembered being a girl in love with Toshiya, and realized I still feel that way.”

“You just realized it?” Kyo asked. “Just like that?”

Toshiya stiffened at their accusatory glares. He recounted the afternoon when I fainted, leaving out the part about us heatedly making out on my bed. His gaze still on his brothers, he gave my hand a little squeeze of reassurance. “Suji, can you get me a cold drink, please?”

I didn’t realize it was an excuse to get me out of earshot. I happily went inside to get him a drink.

Toshiya sighed. “When she saw the barn she had the same reaction she did when Die entered the hospital room. She fainted.”

Kaoru nodded. “We suspected he was the worst stressor.”

“Toshiya, you could break her if you’re not careful,” Kyo warned him. “She’s still in a fragile state emotionally.”

“I won’t let anything hurt her,” the youngest of them vowed.

Kyo smirked. “Did you know Kaoru’s lacking?” He ducked to avoid the hand reaching for him, dancing lightly away from the other. “Now I know why Kimiko-chan wanted to do us both at once, so I could make up for what was lacking.”

Kaoru’s eyes were narrowed, and he rotated his shoulders, prepared to lunge. “Totchi, call Mama and tell her that Kyo is dead and to make funeral arrangements.”

When I came out the two eldest were running out the gate. I neared Toshiya with glass of iced tea in hand. “Are they at it again?”

Toshiya took the glass and set it on the small table beside us. Both of his hands framed my face, lifting it as he lowered so our lips softly met. “I love you.”

My heart thrilled at those words. “I love you.”

“I have to go shower, but I’ll be back later after dinner.” When I smiled he pressed several small kissed to my lips, and then made himself turn and leave.

I sighed dreamily. Okay, maybe happily ever after could exist!
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Coming Home