Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

Miwaku no Zakuro	By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2861 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey, X Japan, or KISAKI, and do not profit from this work.

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Kyo was warm. He was blessedly, blissfully warm, comfortably ensconced in the plush folds of a heavy down comforter, arms and legs draped haphazardly around the soothing heat of another human being. His body was lovingly cradled by the decadent bulk of a Western pillow-top mattress, his head resting in the perfectly-shaped indentation of flesh between his master’s shoulder and chest. His limbs were pleasantly heavy with sleep, rain was pattering against the window in the sweetest lullaby, and he could feel his own heartbeat pulsing slow and strong through every centimeter of his body. It was the second time he’d been allowed to sleep in Kaoru’s bed, but the first he’d been officially invited to spend a full night there, and after a month of sleeping in his little corner – curled up cold on the hardwood floor – he fully intended to savor every last second of it.
Except…
‘I have to piss…’
If it wouldn’t have risked waking Kaoru, he’d have groaned out loud. He didn’t want to get up! He was more comfortable than he could ever remember being, and exhausted to the bone at such an ungodly hour of the morning. Besides, as hard as he had been trying all evening to pull himself back together, he was still incredibly raw inside from the emotional upheaval of his first shibari session. He needed human contact, craved simple, uncomplicated touch, and he was getting that from his master. Even the faint rasp of the taller man’s breathing – a low sound on each inhale between a purr and a soft snore that signified deep, deep sleep – was a balm on his frayed nerves.
‘What if I wake Him up and He sends me back to my room?’
‘Ng! But I have to go so bad…’
‘Fucking rain isn’t helping!’
‘Maybe if I just go really quick… and quiet…’
Kyo spent a good ten minutes fussing over the decision, wishing he could just hold it, but knowing that it was too pressing of a need to put off for the four hours until morning. Biting his lip, he extracted himself with painstaking delicacy from the bed, making sure not to wake Kaoru with his movements and cringing at the cold air outside the blankets. Once he was free, it was a mad, silent dash into the master bathroom to use the toilet, knowing he’d never make it to his own in time. He relieved himself with a long sigh, winced a little at the too-loud rush of the toilet flushing, then shuffled over to the sink to wash his hands. Glancing up as he rinsed the soap away, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and went perfectly still.
‘What… the…’
‘Is that… me?’
It had to be… didn’t it? That was his nose; small and round, with a silver stud tucked into the outer curve of one nostril. That was his mouth; the lips he thought were too full, the two rings piercing one side and the silver ball on the other, the crowd of crooked teeth he’d been told a million times were ‘endearing.’ That was his chest with his scars, and his arms with his tattoos, though he’d lost quite a bit of muscle tone since he’d stopped dancing. He reached out one hand to trace slowly over the curve of his reflection’s cheek.
‘It looks like me…’
‘The same damn mongrel I’ve seen every day for twenty-three years.’
‘So then, why…’
‘Why does it feel like I’m looking at someone else?’
He stared at himself for a long time, head cocked curiously. His eyes looked wrong… too big and too soft and not quite as focused as they had once been. They looked hopeless, somehow… empty and dull.
‘Am I still… me?’
‘Am I still Kyo?’
‘Or… is there nothing left but… His pet?’
‘I’m not so sure, anymore…’
He frowned at himself, and found that to be more familiar. He used to frown at his reflection quite often, he remembered. Encouraged, he tried a few other facial expressions he felt like he hadn’t used in a while, having to force what had once been so natural. For over half an hour, he snarled at himself; grinned sweetly, then maniacally; pouted and smiled and grimaced and glared and scowled and puffed out his cheeks. He’d once been very expressive, his face ever shifting to coincide with his admittedly capricious moods. Jutting one hip out to the side and crossing his arms over his chest, he settled back from the mirror to regard himself with eyes slightly narrowed.
‘There I am…’
‘Fuck… I’m… I’m going to lose myself here, aren’t I?’
‘If I’m not careful… I’m going to be broken… and I’ll have let it happen...’
‘I know I’ve always been weak, but… that doesn’t mean I should stop trying to be stronger, right?’
He flicked out his tongue, prodding at his lip rings thoughtfully.
‘But… wouldn’t it be easier…?’
‘If I could just hollow myself out… make an empty place inside where I’m not afraid and ashamed and confused all the time…?’
He felt his hackles rise at the thought, and savored the feeling of indignation.
‘Well, of course it would be easier.’
‘But life isn’t supposed to be fucking easy, now is it?’
‘What’s the point of struggling so hard to carry on after everything I’ve been through if I just roll over and die now?’
‘Adapt and survive – body, mind, and soul. I’ll bend if I have to but I can’t let myself be broken.’
Glancing down, his resolute frown took on a more confused tilt as he took in the long black silk band wound around his left forearm. It had been his blindfold during the shibari session, and he’d been unable to let go of it afterwards. He needed it, somehow; needed a physical reminder that when he’d given Kaoru everything, the older man had not once betrayed his trust. While he was tied up, Kaoru could have done anything he wanted, and Kyo would have been completely helpless. He wouldn’t have been able to run or fight back, and locked away in that secret room, no one would have saved him. But Kaoru… Kaoru had tied him gently, ensuring that he was comfortable and reasonably calm during the entire session, touching him so sweetly to bring him off when pleasure overwhelmed him, then holding him in his lap when emotion followed suit.
Having the blindfold close by reminded him of the unadulterated trust he’d offered, and the patient consideration it had been rewarded with. Having it wrapped around him reminded him of the helplessness of bondage, and the security of the protection his master had provided.
‘Gods, I’m so fucking stupid.’
‘I should know better than to trust anyone. Especially Him!’
‘I’m like… like an ugly little mutt at the pound.’
‘Attaching myself blindly to the first person to show me any affection…’
‘Even when I know I’ll always get kicked aside and ditched in the end.’
He shifted his weight and ran the fingers of his right hand over the black silk, fingering the smooth material. Kaoru, ever the perfectionist, had tied it very neatly, at just the perfect tension to hold itself in place without straining circulation. It made him feel… cherished, almost, when his master took such care in doing things for him. No one had ever really taken care of him before; he’d always been the one holding up others in the rare situations that he had let people close to himself.
'He does seem to care about me… at least a little.'
‘I wonder…’
‘I wonder, does Kisaki miss me?’
‘Does he regret giving me away?’
‘Is he waiting for me to come home?’
‘Did… did he ever… care about me, really?’
The more practical side of his nature was screaming, ‘NO, YOU STUPID FUCK! TAKE A HINT!’ in answer to each question, flinging the irrefutable evidence of his current situation into his face as proof. But the more sentimental part of him much closer to the core wanted desperately to believe that there was still someone out there who loved him, even if only as a dear friend. Someone whose memory he could cling to and take strength from while he was in captivity, who would be waiting for him whenever he managed to get free.
‘Maybe… maybe he just didn’t have any other choice?’
‘Maybe he didn’t know things would be like this for me here.’
‘Surely he wouldn’t… he wouldn’t knowingly sell me into something like this…’
‘Gods, I wish I could talk to him again… just once.’
‘Just so I can know one way or the other…’
‘What I wouldn’t give for a pho-…’
Kyo’s eyes went wide and his mouth opened a little as his brain shuttered to an abrupt stop, one glaring piece of information screaming its way to the forefront of his mind. His entire body shook with a sudden desperate anticipation as he crossed the bathroom, grabbing onto the doorframe and peering out around it to confirm…
Kaoru’s cell phone was laying on the nightstand.
‘…I have to know…’
‘Oh gods… Kyo, you stupid shit, what are you doing?’
‘Just for a minute… I’ve been so good; I’ve earned this much…’
‘This is a bad idea, this is a really bad idea!’
‘I just have to know.’
Bare feet moved one in front of the other slowly, silently, with a halting sort of hesitant need.
‘He’ll fucking kill you if He catches you!’
‘It won’t cause Him any trouble… I just have to know if Kisaki-’
‘He’ll be angry! He’ll be so damn angry, haven’t you learned by now?! Don’t make Him angry!’
‘He’s asleep… He never needs to know…’
‘He’ll put you in Time Out.’
Kyo’s hand faltered at that, hovering just over the coveted device. His eyes flicked nervously over to Kaoru’s sleeping form. Eyes still closed, face still lax, breathing still slow and deep. Safe enough now, but Kyo was sticking his hand into the sleeping hawk’s nest, and he had no way of knowing how much or how little it took to wake his master.
‘…I have to know.’
Long fingers closed with infinite care around the phone, lifting it slowly from the nightstand. Kyo’s heart pounded in his ears and he stared at Kaoru with wide, guilty eyes as he backed away from the bed, every cell in his body quivering with the effort to stay silent. His movements were stilted, caught between trying to hurry and trying not to make any noise – gods help him if he tripped right now – as he made his way back to his cell. He pulled the door most of the way shut, not wanting to lock himself in with the proof of his disobedience, and darted into the little bathroom, tucking himself into the farthest corner as he stared down at his prize. Shaking fingers dialed a well-known number and he pressed the cool plastic to his ear, breath coming in shallow, nervous pants as he listened to the line ring…
‘Please…’
And ring…
‘Please, Kisaki…’
And ring…
Kyo bit his lip. Two more rings and it would go to voicemail.
‘I need you, Saki, please…’
One more ring…
“…Nnnh…’llo?”
The deeply familiar, dearly beloved voice grumbled sleepily in his ear, and Kyo could have cried in relief. He clutched the phone so hard the plastic creaked in protest, and he squeezed his eyes shut to focus on the memory of his friend. Kisaki would still be laying in bed, he knew, eyes closed and face mashed half into the pillow even as he answered the call. His blankets would be kicked all over the place, his clothes scattered all over the floor, and he’d be sprawled out shamelessly in nothing but his boxers, with his hair in an unflattering mess around his face. Such a familiar image, and one that had meant 'home' to him for so long.
“Hello?” the voice called again, tired and irritated
“Kisaki…” he whispered, his voice trembling with hope and fear and a thousand other things he could hardly identify.
There was a long pause, and Kyo knew that Kisaki’s eyes were fully opening into a confused frown. That long body was turning over and sitting up, and one hand was pushing absently through black and red hair in a halfhearted attempt to tame it.
“Who is this? And why are you calling at… fuck, two-thirty in the damn morning?”
“Saki, it’s me!” The noise that crept out of Kyo’s throat might have been a laugh or a sob.
“…K-…Kyo?”
“Yeah! I know it’s late… or early, I guess… but I… I just really wanted to talk to you… I’ve missed you so much!”
There was a soft shuffle, and Kyo imagined Kisaki taking the phone away from his ear to stare at the screen in baffled disbelief.
“…Kyo… I… where are you? Whose phone is this?”
Kyo folded his legs and tucked them as tight against his chest as he could. “I’m at the mansion still… He hasn’t let me go yet, but-”
“‘He’? Who is ‘He’?”
Kyo blinked, confused. Kisaki didn’t sound happy to hear from him… in fact, the younger man sounded almost scared. “Well… Master Kaoru, of course. He… He kept me as a… as His… pet…”
There was an odd, choked sort of sound. “You-… you’re in Kaoru-fucking-Niikura’s mansion?! And you called me on his phone?!”
“Well… yeah… I mean, He’s asleep, so He doesn’t know, but I just really want-”
“ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!”
Kyo jerked the phone away from his ear, shocked. “Ki-… Kisaki, what-”
“What if he fucking traces the number or some shit and finds me?!”
“B-But… I wanted to-”
“He’ll fucking kill me, don’t you get it?!"
"Saki, wait, please, I just-"
"Look, Kyo, just… don’t call me anymore! I have nothing for you! I moved out of the city to get away from that bastard and I’m not coming back! I ditched the apartment, I got rid of all your stuff, I gave your rats back to the pet store; I have nothing for you, so just don’t… don’t fucking call this number ever again, alright?!”
“Kisa-”
~click~
“…ki…?”
- 21
- 22
- 23
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Miwaku no Zakuro