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Slow Motion	By : clandestinecassie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Panic! At The Disco Views: 2102 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Panic! At the Disco. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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- 24
well, i just graduated from high school last week so here's to hoping i can get these chapter's done quicker. sorry for the changes in tenses in this chapter. enjoy.
brendon was staring down at the younger boy, trying to figure out of all the places in the world to hide from jon, spencer chose his shed. "i won't tell him spencer." brendon says because never would he do that, he would never send spencer back to jon on purpose.
"just...why are you hiding in my shed?" the older boy asks, he's curious because he knows that if he were hiding from jon he wouldn't just go one yard away. spencer looks away from brendon, the younger boy's knees are pulled up to his chest and he has his arms wrapped around them, his head resting on his arms.
"can i...can i just go in your house? please?" spencer asks, his voice is weak and wary as if he is afraid that brendon will say no.
"yeah, sure spencer." he tells him and spencer starts to stand, makes a face like it hurts him to do so. the younger boy is about to step out of the shed before brendon raises a hand and stops him, remembers jon being outside.
"hold on, just let me check something okay?" he says and his voice is soft and careful, like spencer is a small animal that's easily skiddish. spencer nods and hangs back inside the shed as brendon moves towards the wooden fence that seperates his and spencer's yards. he comes to stand against the rough, dilapitated fence, his hands resting on the pointed spiked tops.
brendon raises up on his toes and peers over the fence, checking for jon. he doesn't see the older boy in the backyard and from here he gets a pretty good view of the driveway, he doesn't see jon there either. brendon figures it's safe to take spencer inside and he turns back to the shed and motions for the other boy to follow him to the house.
he leads spencer carefully back to the house, brendon's hand touching spencer's elbow as if the action were protecting him. the duo go inside and ryan peers briefly into the kitchen, he spots spencer and his brown eyes warm instantly. ryan waves at spencer, a smile on his face. brendon is surprised that ryan remembers spencer, the two must've made a strong connection.
spencer forces a smile back at ryan and gives him a little wave. ryan pads his way back into the living room leaving spencer and brendon alone in the kitchen. brendon is feeling a little paranoid, like maybe jon will suddenly pop up and pummel him for harboring spencer in his kitchen. he offer's spencer a seat at the kitchen table and the boy drops down into it.
"spencer...what happened?" brendon asks as he follows suit and sits in one of the rounded wooden chairs. spencer sighs sadly and looks down at his folded hands.
"i don't know....yesterday morning...jon got upset...i can't even remember what is was over, but he got so mad. i was in our bedroom and he just comes bursting in the room and he grabs my arm. i didn't even know why he was mad, i tried to ask him but he screamed at me to shut up..." spencer looks like he said too much, like he's afraid of what will happen now that he's admitted to what happens to him.
"it's okay spencer, you don't have to tell me." brendon tells him, reaching out and patted the other boy's hand, if it's too much for spencer he doesn't need to know, he can imagine what happened just fine. spencer shakes his head, his hair covering his eyes.
"he had my arm so tight..i was afraid he was gonna break it...i tried to ask him again why he was mad but this time he pulled back and punched me in the face." spencer says and brendon's eyes flicker over the deep purple bruise on spencer's jaw. "i fell but he still had my arm so...it almost dislocated or something." spencer brushes his fingers over his right arm.
"he pulled me back up after that and hit me more, he didn't even say anything...he was just so angry...his eyes were so dark...i thought this time he'd kill me...i was so afraid...he stopped though eventually. he was just staring at me and then he left...i don't know where he went...while he was gone i checked my face and i was bleeding...i thought that this time i had gotten lucky, that someone had spared me, but next time i didn't think i'd be so lucky."
"so you left?" brendon asks and spencer nods.
"i didn't even take anything, i just left the house before jon came back. the only problem was that i didn't have anywhere to go." the younger boy says and again he is looking at his hands.
"jon talked to me you know." brendon tells spencer, the younger boy's face drops. "when i went outside just before i found you, he saw me and asked me if i knew where you were. i told him i hadn't seen you and he said something about you going to your mother's."
spencer shakes his head again. "that's why i didn't go there...i knew he'd think i had...and my mother, well she already doesn't approve of jon and i." spencer tells brendon and he sounds so sad and so without hope that it makes brendon sad.
"my parents and my sisters don't talk to me anymore...i have no other family around...i had no where to go so i saw your place but i didn't know how you'd react so i-i went to your shed and it was open so i just went inside." spencer says with a little shrug and even that move seems to make him flinch.
"wait," brendon begins. "you've been in my shed for a day and a half?" spencer nods and brendon is floored, he can hardly imagine spencer being holed up in his shed sleeping in there, being hungry and unable to leave out of fear, out of nowhere to go.
"i probably would've still been in there if you hadn't found me." spencer says. there is a silence between the two boys, spencer's gaze is focusing on the table and brendon scratches at his neck absentmindedly.
"spencer, you can stay here for awhile if you want" brendon feels like there's no other option, spencer needs help and no one but brendon can give it to him. the younger boy looks up at brendon, by now the older boy is thinking that spencer isn't used to kindness, he's too used to harshness, to someone being rough and hurting him. brendon thinks that spencer isn't used to someone being nice.
"are you sure brendon? i-what if jon finds out...what if you get hurt too?" spencer's asking and he runs his fingers through his brown bangs, pushing them out of his line of vision. brendon folds his arms and nods.
"i'm not worried." brendon was lying but it didn't matter, he wanted to comfort spencer and letting him know that he was secretly afraid of being murdered by jon walker was not going to comfort the boy.
"thank you brendon." spencer is actually smiling and brendon smiles and stands, motioning for spencer to follow him to living room.
"i only have the two bedrooms, mine and ryan's so..you'll have to sleep on the couch." brendon tells spencer as he motions around the shabby living room. he neglects to tell spencer that the couch has been through a lot of explicit activities.
spencer sits on the couch, looking out of place and slightly awkward. brendon sits with him because he has nothing else to do and he wants spencer to feel safe in the house, he doesn't want the boy to worry.
"you know jon wasn't always like that." spencer says after a moment and brendon nods, he remembers the boy saying something like that before, the night where brendon got locked in spencer's bedroom.
"so you've said" brendon replies.
"it's true though, when i met jon...he was nothing like he is now" spencer's face takes on a far away look, like he's remembering the past, the way he and jon used to be.
"how'd you two meet?" brendon questions. he really is curious to know more about spencer and jon. he wants to know who or what made jon change so drastically. spencer lifts his big blue eyes to meet brendon's face.
"i was a senior in high school and jon was in college, we met through a friend of mine." spemcer tells brendon.
"spencer, i want you to meet someone." spencer turns at his friend jason's voice.
"who?" spencer asks flicking his head, his dark hair falling into his light eyes.
"this guy from my photography class." jason is saying and he's grabbing spencer by the arm and tugging him towards the other side of the crowded house party. they moved near the staircase where spencer saw a boy and two girls standing. the girls were laughing at whatever the boy was saying and he was smiling, spencer wanted the boy to smile at him like that.
"jon, hey, jon." jason was saying and the boy lifted his dark eyes to jason and he glanced over at spencer.
"jay, what up?" the boy named jon said as jason and spencer came to stop in front of him.
“i wanted to introduce you to someone. jon this is spencer, the guy i was telling you about.” jason replies as he tugs spencer forward as if the younger boy were suddenly shy. “spencer, this is my friend, jon walker.”
jon grinned a lazy kind of grin and offered spencer his hand, spencer didn’t hesitate to accept it. he smiled back at jon, smitten with the older boy from the get-go.
“nice to meet you jon.” spencer said softly, smiling what he hoped was a charming smile. with his free hand he brushed his long bangs out of his left eye.
“you have a really nice smile.” jon told him and spencer blushed a twinge of pink but kept his composure. he thought jon was pretty hot, nice smile, warm eyes, strong body. yeah, he was perfect.
back in those days jon was happy and carefree, it’s hard for spencer to even imagine him that way now. the older boy smiled a lot and was really affection, willing to make out with spencer in public, no matter who was watching. spencer can remember times when all the duo would do was stay up all night and talk, talk about anything that crossed their minds.
jon told him secrets, like what he wanted to do with his life and what he was afraid of. spencer told jon everything, nothing was hidden between the two. spencer thought jon was perfect, smart and funny and caring, he didn’t know how he had managed to get so damn lucky.
after spencer graduated from high school jon asked him to move into his small place next door to brendon’s place, of course at the time brendon didn’t live there and the house was for sale. it was again like a dream for spencer. he felt like he was married, he cooked for jon and cleaned the house and the two of them acted like a married couple, it was what spencer wanted.
the perfection lasted half a year, after that was when jon began to change. first he couldn’t find a job anywhere, at least not a photography job and the decent job he did have at starbucks, well, it just so happened that he had lost his job that day. jon’s parents had also stopped giving the boy money, mostly because they found out that he was gay, that meant that jon had to drop out of college.
jon’s life was growing worse everyday but spencer was still there. spencer wanted to think that their relationship was the only thing that kept jon going, was the only thing that brought the older boy happiness anymore. he also noticed that alcohol seemed to be making jon happy lately too.
spencer had to watch as his boyfriend changed. he wouldn’t kiss spencer in public anymore, wouldn’t even hold his hand. jon stopped smiling as much, he seemed to be coming to a realiziation that his life was sucking, and he was beginning to blame it on spencer.
one day he came home after a long day of looking for a job, his beloved car was on it’s last leg and jon feared that soon it would break down all together and they definitly had no money to fix it. he trudged into the house and spencer was there smiling at him, like everything was fine, like they weren’t falling apart.
“any luck today jon?” spencer asked as he set the table for their dinner. jon shook his head.
“no, not today.” he said wearily as he kicked off his shoes and passed the table and his boyfriend all together, going to the fridge for a beer instead. spencer looked slightly offended that he didn’t get his usual welcome home kiss but he shrugged it off.
“well, tomorrow is another day.” he said and jon nodded even though he had a feeling that tomorrow would be exactly the same. he again passed by spencer without a touch of any kind and went to the couch, plopping down and turning on the tv.
“i think we’re getting new neighbors.” spencer said, trying his best to start a conversation with his boyfriend.
“really? how do you know that?” jon asked, only half listening and not very interested.
“well, i saw these two guys, probably my age...maybe a little older, checking the place out and i saw them write what looked like a check or something. a black haired boy and a brown haired boy.” spencer recalled and jon still doesn’t really care about the possible new neighbors.
before much else can be said the phone starts to ring, spencer moves to the phone that’s sitting in it’s cradle and checks the number. “jon, it’s your dad!” spencer said and jon looked up somewhat scared and surprised.
“let the machine get it.” he commands and spencer nods and waits for the machine to pick up.
“ahem, jonathan, it’s your father. listen, i just wanted to tell you that your brother bill is getting married...but...but he doesn’t want you to come so please, don’t show up...he just thought you should know...well, don’t call back..it would upset your mother.”
jon was floored, he couldn’t believe what his father had said. his family didn’t want him at the wedding? he couldn’t call back because his own mother would be upset to hear from him? all because he was gay?
spencer bit his lip and erased the message before he moved to sit beside jon on the couch. “don’t listen to him jon...they’ll come around eventually...they’ll accept us eventually.” spencer leans himself on to jon, resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.
at the moment jon didn’t want to hear spencer, see him, feel him nothing. after all, it was all spencer’s fault that this was happening. if jon had never asked him to move in, if he hadn’t been blinded by love and believed that his parents would actually accept their son being gay...he’d still have his family.
“i don’t want to talk about it.” jon said and he pushed spencer, he didn’t mean to do it so hard but the boy fell back and hit the back of the sofa. spencer looked shocked but he shook it off.
“i’m sorry jon, i just thought you needed some cheering up.” spencer said as he rubbed the spot on his back where he had hit the couch. jon sighed and stood up, he knew that spencer meant well, but really the boy was just being irritating right now.
“i’m gonna go lay down.” jon said but spencer jumped up too.
“want me to keep you company?” spencer is wrapping himself around jon’s back and jon finds himself gritting his teeth. it feels like a culmination of every shitty moment of the last year winds itself around jon and worms it way inside of him, he doesn’t remember bucking spencer off of him and he certainly doesn’t remember whirling around and punching spencer in the face but it happens.
spencer falls on his ass on the living room floor, clutching the spot where jon hit him, looking up at his boyfriend stunned. jon seems to relax after that and he realizes just what he did.
“oh, god spencer, i’m sorry!” he said and he dropped to his knees and pulled his boyfriend to him. he tried to ignore the fact that spencer flinched when jon touched him. “spencer, i didn’t mean to hit you...i-i’ve just been so stressed out...and my dad...and bill...god, i’m sorry you know that right?”
jon’s sputtering words out and spencer is still shocked but he finds himself tearing up because jon has never been violent with him, ever and now so suddenly, it was terrifying.
“spencer, i love you...i don’t want to hurt you...you’re the best thing in my life...i love you spence.” jon says and he is looking down at spencer and spencer still believes him and accepts his apology.
jon spends the next few nights apologizing and trying not to think of how much better he felt when he hit spencer. he wants to believe that it will never happen again.
it does happen again though and the next time jon is less sorry, it keeps happening and spencer threathens to leave and jon beats the shit out of him. one night as he’s getting beat by jon spencer asks why and jon just replies “because i hate my life.”
from that day on when things went poorly for jon he took it out on spencer, he beat spencer because his own life had beaten him. spencer didn’t think it was fair and it took him two long years to get out.
spencer finishes telling brendon about his and jon’s past and brendon is so sad for spencer. the kid was so alone for so long, unable to get help and now he had it. brendon would have to do all he could to make sure that spencer never fell into jon’s hands again.
“you know what’s crazy brendon?” spencer is asking and he’s looking out the little window in the living room, brendon looks too and notices that through the curtains he can barely make out spencer’s house.
“even though jon is so awful to me, even after all the things he’s done...a part of me still loves him...still cares about him and it scares me...” spencer says and he’s crying but brendon doesn’t laugh, doesn’t call him out on it, just let’s the boy do it because he needs to, he needs to cry to get better.
back at spencer’s house jon walker is sitting in the bedroom he once shared with spencer. he’s holding a picture of the two of them, back when they were happy, back before jon changed. the older boy sighs deeply and sets the picture down.
“i’m sorry spencer, please...come home...”
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