Miwaku no Zakuro | By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2861 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey, X Japan, or KISAKI, and do not profit from this work. |
Dazed gold eyes stared down at the phone long after the ‘call ended’ icon flashed by and the screen went dark as the device went back to sleep. He’d thought that talking to Kisaki would bring him some hope; a light at the end of his tunnel to guide him through the darkness of his new life. Some part of him had wholeheartedly believed that his friend would be relieved to hear from him, maybe cry tears of joy to know that he was still alive and relatively unharmed. He wanted – needed – Kisaki to explain that he hadn’t had any choice in giving Kyo away, that he was sorry, that he missed him and worried about him, that everything was going to be okay, and he wasn’t a whore for trying so hard to pleasure Kaoru to spare himself more suffering, he just didn’t have any other choice. That as long as he stayed strong, someone would be there waiting for him when he finally got free.
-“Don’t call me anymore!”-
His fingers went slack and the phone slowly slipped between his fingers before dropping to the tile floor with a dull, plastic sound. For a few minutes, he was blessedly numb, his mind gone silent and still with shock. But all too soon, his former best friend’s words sank in fully and all at once his heart constricted with a sickening pain, a shuddering whimper falling out from between his lips.
‘He… he really doesn’t…’
‘He never…’
‘I…’
Tears stung at the back of his eyes and his fists clenched viciously at his sides.
‘Don’t you dare cry for him, you stupid fuck!’
‘You always knew Kisaki was selfish!’
-“I have nothing for you!”-
‘ALWAYS!’
‘You knew it every fucking time he blew all his money in the fucking casino and left you to pay all the bills and all of rent and buy all the food for goddamn both of you, no matter what you had to give up!’
-“Don’t fucking call this number ever again!”-
‘Every promise he ever made to you was a goddamn lie!’
‘You knew, you always fucking knew he was using you, no matter what he said!’
It only made his chest ache more fiercely, and he curled in on himself in a futile effort to alleviate some of the pain. He’d spent so long clinging to the belief in his friendship with Kisaki, putting so much faith in every hug and smile and heartfelt vow that they would always have each other no matter what else happened. To lose that now, when he needed it more than ever before…
He hurt so badly, he just wanted to scream until he couldn’t hear his own bitter, miserable thoughts and Kisaki’s loveless words anymore. He wanted to claw and tear at his own flesh until physical pain drowned out emotional anguish, cauterizing the freshest wounds on his heart. He wanted to feel his own blood flow out over his skin, hot and thick and sticky like liquefied heartbreak, to let it eek out from where it was throbbing under his skin, threatening to burst. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed to be noisy, and he wasn’t allowed to damage himself, and as much as he needed both, he couldn’t bring himself to so flagrantly disobey his master’s direct orders. His body simply refused. He couldn’t even let himself cry.
‘But I want it!’
‘He… He promised if I was good, I would want for nothing.’
‘I’ve been good! I’ve been so good for Him!’
‘He said I would get what I want.’
Kyo shook his head wildly, digging his fingers into the floor to keep himself from digging them into his own flesh.
‘He can’t have been lying to me, He can’t!’
‘It’s all I have… His word is all I have left.’
‘If I can’t believe in Him, I have nothing left to believe in…’
‘So why can’t I-’
His eyebrows snapped together and his head came up, looking hard at the door to his cell as something in his mind clicked into place. An understanding that – if he was right – would answer his previous question of whether or not being a good pet for Kaoru meant killing off his own personality and the profane needs that came with it. A belief that he could get what he wanted… so long as he gave his master what he wanted in the process.
‘I’m not allowed to damage His property…’
‘But He is.’
‘I just have to… take hold of the power He’s given me…’
One hand closed around the phone and he rose to his feet with a disconnected sort of grace; years of training as a dancer lending instinctive fluidity to his movements while his mind was too busy sorting itself out to be impart any control. His heart was racing with so much pain and fear and anticipation, and he wondered distantly if it was healthy to look forward to pleasing Kaoru so much, regardless what he might get out of it. A quick stop in the master bathroom to collect a familiar bottle and glance in the mirror. Still himself, but with an edge of desperation and… will? Resolve? He turned his back on the reflection and went back to his master’s giant bed, untying is hakama and letting it fall around his ankles, stepping out of it without skipping a beat.
Dropping the bottle within easy reach, keeping the phone clutched in his left hand, he steeled himself, ducking beneath the covers and ever-so-slowly, carefully, crawling through the sheets on all fours to settle across Kaoru’s legs. He rested a hand and a knee on either side of the long, bare limbs, careful not to jostle or press on anything yet. No sense in waking the man prematurely. From his spot under the covers, he couldn’t see the older man’s face, but he kept himself very attuned to the rhythm of his breathing, ever watchful for a telling hitch or change in pace as he reached one hand down and delicately eased his master’s boxers down off of thin hips. Part of him balked a bit; no matter how considerate Kaoru was during sex, no matter how hard he’d cum every time, he didn’t want to enjoy sleeping with the older man. It was a means of survival, nothing more.
‘To get what I want…’
‘To get what I need…’
‘It’s not the first time I’ve slept with someone I didn’t love, I suppose.’
He ran the beaded edge of his lip rings lightly down the length of Kaoru’s cock, watching it twitch just a bit at the contact.
‘Though they always say that love is putting another’s happiness before your own…’
‘Maybe this grotesque perversion of love… is what I’m meant for?’
‘What I wretched soul I must be, that this is all I can hope for in life…
He moved his lips and tongue slowly, but intently, mouthing and suckling at the heated flesh just enough to excite his master without waking him. The legs beneath him bent and slid against the sheets, spreading ever so slightly, and he faintly heard a pleased, sleepy murmur through the blankets. More than once, his tongue slid over a particularly sensitive spot and the hips beneath him bucked, a low grunt sounding startlingly loud overhead, and he was sure he’d been caught. But Kaoru remained lax and pliant, so he kept at his work until the older man was throbbing, hot and hard on his tongue.
Heart skipping in his chest, he sat up, letting the blankets catch on his shoulders and fall behind him. His right hand crept out to pick up the bottle he’d discarded earlier, popping the top open and tipping it to let clear, slippery liquid coat his fingers. As he rubbed his fingers together, warming the fluid between them, he watched Kaoru’s moon-bathed face scrunch up a bit in irritation, one hand groping languidly for the blanket as his skin shivered in the cooler air. Kyo slid up the length of the taller man’s body, reaching down between them to spread the lubricant up and down his master’s erection as he positioned himself over it. Dark chocolate eyes fluttered open sleepily, and barely had time to register the blonde kneeling over him with a wild look on his face before the lithe body above him dropped abruptly.
Kaoru bucked, eyes flaring wide as his arousal was encased in his pet’s almost painfully tight channel with one vicious push. “Hng! Fucking Christ!”
“Unnn…”
Kyo’s head rolled back, panting harshly as his hips twitched despite his efforts to steady them. Kaoru was well lubed, but all that did was reduce the friction as he was torn open, and the pain was absolutely intoxicating. Agony shot up his spine, swallowing his emotional turmoil and leaving him breathless.
‘Heh… funny… that I so afraid He’d fuck me like this before…’
‘But now… taking it from Him… I’ve never felt so strong…’
A breathy laugh escaped him as his back curved into an indulgent arch. He felt the cold plastic of Kaoru’s phone in his palm, and it only served to remind him of his need. Baring his teeth in a snarl, he ignored his body’s call to slow down, to back off, and settled immediately into a frenzied roll against Kaoru’s hips. The older man moaned and swore beneath him as Kyo slammed himself up and down along the burning flesh piercing him. Kaoru rocked up to meet his every thrust, and Kyo felt hands grasp at his hips, preparing to flip him over so his master could take control.
His eyes flashed wildly and he bent down to mouth angrily at Kaoru’s long throat, growling huskily in his ear. “No. Let me.”
“Hnn… Kyo, what th-”
The blonde shifted his hips, thighs spreading and rolling to change the angle and take his master in even deeper, and Kaoru’s eyes rolled back into his head, abandoning the effort. He couldn't focus through the pleasure washing over him, through the absolutely stunning sight of his moonlit pet riding him so passionately. The younger man looked like some kind of beautiful, feral fey creature, and he lost himself to self-indulgence. Kyo felt a heady thrill at the victory and redoubled his efforts; pain and exhaustion making his legs quiver as he rode Kaoru for all he was worth. Pleasure wound itself through the agony spearing through him and he tossed his head back again, loosing the piercing wail that his master only allowed when they were coupled.
‘Anh! It feels so good!’
‘To bleed…’
‘To scream…’
‘To be in control… of myself… of Him…’
And Kaoru was clearly in ecstasy. His thin hands gave up trying to direct Kyo, and fell instead to digging into the younger man’s back, raking blunt nails over smooth, sweat-slicked flesh. Kyo howled in response, his inner muscles spasming wildly around Kaoru’s arousal. The constriction made his master moan and dig his fingers in harder, and the cycle repeated in a brutal, beautiful whirlwind of blood-slicked rapture.
When Kaoru’s hips snapped up and froze, head tipped back with a low groan as he released into his pet, Kyo slowed his frantic rocking to a more sedate undulation. Knowing he could take no more from the older man, content with the throbbing ache in his back, he fell back into an impossible-looking arch, his torso falling between Kaoru’s knees. One hand slid down his chest – flexing once over his heart in a fleeting desire to scratch that he tamped down immediately – before smoothing over his belly and threading his fingers through the soft curls between his legs. He yanked at the hairs once, hissing his pleasure even as Kaoru moaned beneath him in response to the muscles squeezing around his spent cock, before moving further down to stroke himself roughly. It was a short order before his own mess was spurting across his belly, sticky and thick and sickly warm as his final cry echoed around them.
For a long time, the only sound between them was ragged panting, punctuated by the occasional swallow and sigh. Kaoru groped hazily at his night table, dragging a single cigarette to his mouth and waving a lighter around until he found the end of the stick to light it. Kyo lifted himself slowly, shivering at the rush of pain washing up his spine as they came apart, then settled carefully between his master’s spread knees. He craned his head back to look at the ceiling and his lips curled into a smile that was equal parts anguish and relief as tears finally came loose to slide down his cheeks. He felt more than he saw the slow once-over that Kaoru gave him, and wondered how he could possibly explain himself should the man question his actions.
He missed the dark chocolate gaze coming to rest on the stolen treasure in his left hand, but he heard the soft whisper of a body moving over sheets as the older man sat up a bit. He glanced down and went very still at the ice cold stare his master was giving him.
“Kyo… what’s that in your hand?”
'…Shit.'
Kyo lowered his head, averting his eyes guiltily.
‘I should have put it back before He woke up…’
There was nothing for it now. He reached out, the black silk around his forearm flashing dully in the moonlight, and set the phone on Kaoru’s chest, keeping his head downturned. His breath hitched just a little, a fat tear falling off his chin to splash across his thigh. There was a sudden movement and he made no effort to dodge or block the open-handed blow he knew he deserved, his head snapping to one side, pain flaring across his left cheek. It stung all the more for the wetness on his face, and that seemed fitting somehow. He held his gaze down submissively as Kaoru picked up the phone and sifted through the recent calls irritably.
The older man raised a curious eyebrow. Only one call, and it wasn’t to 110 as he’d expected. “Whose number is this?”
Kyo cringed. “…Ki-”
‘Just saying his name hurts…’
“…K-Kisaki.”
"…" Kaoru snubbed out his cigarette and put his phone back on the nightstand, password locked this time. “It’s late, go wet some towels and get this mess cleaned up, then come back to bed.”
Kyo’s head came up, hopeless confusion written across his face.
Kaoru caught his gaze and held it; pitiless understanding making his eyes hard. “I think it’s pretty obvious you’ve learned your lesson here. He saw to that for me.”
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