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Your Sins Into Me	By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work.

Chapter List
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Standing in front of the squat, run-down little apartment building that he’d once called home, Kyo stared up at its dingy façade apprehensively. At his side, Kaoru was watching him with a troubled frown. He couldn’t help his over-protective concern; only two days after the incident with Hakuei, Kyo was still horrifically bruised, looking to Kaoru like nothing so much as a battered porcelain doll. The blonde reached out one hand, just a little, and the older man caught it immediately, lacing their fingers together.
“You’re sure he’s not home?” Kyo asked softly.
Kaoru nodded. “Positive. I spoke to the hospital this morning; he won’t be out for several days yet. We have time to come back another day, if you’re not feeling up to this.”
“…” Kyo shook his head and started forward to begin climbing the stairs. “No, I… I just want to get it over with.”
In front of a familiar door, Kyo jammed his key in the lock and twisted, hesitating for a short moment. Kaoru squeezed his other hand gently and he took a breath, pushing the door open decisively. He watched closely as the blonde stepped inside, looking for any signs of confusion or recollection. The memory wipe he’d performed the other day had been a massive undertaking, and one that went beyond what his abilities were strictly intended for. If he’d missed something, if Kyo had retained some fragment that hinted at him having been here recently…
“Shit…” Kyo breathed, taking in the horrific state of his old living room.
Kaoru relaxed a bit, schooling his face into an expression of concern. “Is it always like this?”
“No, of course not! It’s never this messed up!” The blonde’s face fell a little. “That is… I mean, he’s thrown things before, when he’s upset, but…”
“But you usually cleaned up after him,” Kaoru guessed.
Kyo reached out one foot and delicately nudged the shattered pile of glass, wires, and wood that had once been a lamp. His home…
“Maybe we should keep our shoes on. There are an awful lot of broken beer bottles on the ground.”
Kyo had to agree, but was visibly uncomfortable as he walked down the hall wearing his boots. “I guess we can start in the bedroom. My clothes are all… folded… in…”
The blonde stood in the doorway to the bedroom, looking strained. Kaoru came to stand behind him, peering over his shoulder as if he didn’t already know what he would find. Even before his memory had been wiped, Kyo hadn’t noticed the other night that all of his clothes had been pulled out of drawers and off of hangers. Some of them were ripped apart, others twisted into balled up wads of fabric – all of them had been strewn over the bed as if to form a nest. Hakuei had been sleeping in a pile of his ex-lover’s clothing. Kyo moved stiffly to stand next to the bed, reaching out to pick up one of his favorite shirts that had been torn to shreds.
“…Kaoru…”
“Yeah, Kyo?”
“What… what did I do to him? All of this, because of me…” the blonde looked back at the older man, looking scared, “I drove him mad, Kaoru. And now he’s in the hospital with brain damage… he could have died! That car could have killed him and it would have been my fault!”
Kaoru walked over to the younger man and took the ragged cloth out of his hands gently before cupping his face in both hands, bringing the blonde’s gaze up to meet his own. “None of this is your fault, Kyo.”
Kyo looked like he desperately wanted to believe the older man, but was unable to do so. “You don’t understand, I-”
“None of it,” Kaoru interrupted sternly, kissing the blonde gently to soften the impact of his tone. “You didn’t throw him in front of that car; he ran out into the street on his own.”
“But only because he was drunk! I shouldn’t have yelled at him, I knew he would lose his temper and I just cursed at him and told him we were through. Maybe… maybe I could have calmed him down… made him understand that I… I didn’t want to be with him anymore…” Kyo’s voice trailed off, not fully believing his own words. “Look at this place… I hurt him so badly…”
“He the one that kicked you out, Kyo. He nearly killed you, throwing you down those stairs, and then he waited for you to come crawling back when starvation or homelessness became too much. Any hurt he felt as a result of your absence, he brought on himself.”
Kyo winced, looking away. “I… you knew?”
“Knew what? That you didn’t just happen to fall down the stairs and punch yourself in the ear until you were half-deaf? Yeah, I knew, just like I knew where the bruises on your arm came from – and the swollen cheek, and the split lip, and the black eye. The same damn place all these bruises came from!” Kaoru’s voice was harsher than he intended, startling even himself. He sighed and wrapped his arms around the younger man, forcing himself to steady his building temper. “Look, I’m sorry, but… goddamn it, Kyo, I’m not going to let you beat yourself up over this. He did more than enough of that, you don't need anymore.”
Kyo hid his battered face against the older man’s chest, his soft voice muffled in a tee-shirt. “…was it really that bad?”
“Yes, Kyo. It was. He hit you, and no matter how drunk he was, no matter what you were arguing about, there’s no excuse for that. None. Of. This. Is. Your. Fault.”
The words echoed silently between them for a long time. Kaoru lowered his empathic shields carefully, blocking off the barrage of emotions coming from the other humans in the apartment complex and focusing on the blonde pressed against him. A little bit of guilt remained, but mostly he felt regret and shame. Kyo was slowly coming to accept that there was nothing he could have done to fix what was wrong with Hakuei, even if he was sad for how things turned out, and humiliated at having let them go so far. There was nothing else that Kaoru could do or say for now to help his lover sort those feelings, save for what he was already doing. He brought his shields back up and simply held Kyo close, letting the blonde hide against him for as long as he needed to regain his composure.
Eventually, Kyo took a deep breath and pulled away, squaring his shoulders. “Let’s just… I just want to get my things and get out of here.”
“Alright.” Kaoru smiled and brushed Kyo’s bangs out of his face gently, planting a light kiss on his forehead. “Why don’t you start getting everything together and I’ll go grab the bags out of the car. You’re sure it’s all going to fit?”
“Yeah, it’s just clothes and stuff. All the furniture was his.”
Kaoru left to collect the empty duffle bags they’d brought for Kyo’s belongings, but he didn’t go back to the bedroom right away. He spent a few minutes collecting every photograph he could find of Kyo, or Hakuei and Kyo together. When Hakuei returned, there needed to be no trace of the blonde remaining. He took frames off the walls, off the refrigerator, off of shelves in every room; even dug through drawers and bookshelves until he was sure he had every last one. The temptation was strong to destroy some of them; happy-seeming images of a tall, braided man with tattooed arms wrapped around a shorter blonde, all bright eyes and easy smiles, but all Kaoru could see in those pictures were the little hints of bruises and scrapes, imperfectly hidden under arm bands or make up or long-sleeve shirts. He forced himself to store all of them safely in a side pouch of one of the bags for Kyo to deal with at his own discretion. Only when his task was completed did he return to check in on his companion.
Kyo was out of sight when he returned, but Kaoru saw the carefully organized piles the blonde had been sorting his possessions into and set to work packing them away. Handling the younger man’s belongings made Kaoru a bit sad. Clothes, books, CDs, figurines, jewelry, notebooks – Kyo had very little to his name, and all of it was worn with age and frequent use. His little mortal treasure deserved better. A soft shuffle caught Kaoru’s attention, and he found Kyo coming out of a deep closet with an odd look on his face, staring down at the large cardboard box he carried in both arms.
“Are you alright?” Kaoru asked worriedly.
“Yeah…” Kyo’s mouth pulled into a slow, sweet smile as he set the box down next to his other piles. “I’d just forgotten about this.”
“What’s in it?”
“All of the clothes my mom and grandmother made for me before I moved away; a few yukata and jinbei for the summer time and a super thick hanten for winter. I’ll show you later, when we get… home…” Kyo hesitated, his smile faltering. “Oh… Kaoru?”
“Yes, Kyo?”
“I’m sorry, I… completely took it for granted… is… is it okay if I stay with you for a while longer?”
Kaoru blinked, then chuckled a bit and reached a hand out to ruffle blond hair fondly. “Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’ve had trouble finding a job but… I can help with rent a little with what I make at the club until I do.”
“You don’t have to worry about things like that anymore, Kyo. There’s no need to rush. I’ll not be letting you go any time soon.”
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Your Sins Into Me