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Adjusting	By : Bia Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Eminem/Marshall Mathers Views: 7351 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Eminem (Marshall Mathers). I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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On the days he had his therapist visits there was a shift in their familiar ritual. Mornings of his appointments he spent alone in his room. Dreading the up coming session in a different way than the first one. Now he knew what to expect for the most part. Dr. Summers was relentless about digging into his thoughts. But then it was what she was paid for.

Usually around noon Marshall would make the trek back upstairs and wait, the very image of boundless patience, for him to drag himself out of bed. They'd sit in silence together while he'd try and choke down whatever Marshall had fixed for lunch. Then it was off to his own special hell. And when he got back....

Marshall leaned against the bathroom sink and held the wet rag out to Josh. "Damn. The doc must do a real number on you," he muttered watching Josh wipe the bile from his mouth. He knew three sessions wasn't much to base things on but every time Josh came home he hurled.

"It's Justin. Every goddamn time," snapped JC, trying to hold down the nausea as thoughts of his ex continued to plague him. "Fucking woman won't shut up about him. And the very thought of him makes me puke."

"I'm sure Timberfuck has that affect on a number of people," snarked Em.

JC grunted unconsciously accepting Marshall's outstretched hand as he climbed to his feet. "I'll be in the studio," he said shortly, striding away.

Em watched him go. Gaze narrowed and troubled.

~~~*~~~

Marshall tucked Hailie in glad she'd worn herself out playing with the neighbor's kids. Otherwise she'd have put up a stink about going to sleep without her Unca Josh's singing. Josh was more than likely too upset to even deal with anyone else. Especially a kid.

Sitting there beside his daughter, he debated his next course of action. Josh had taken to locking himself away in the studio after his sessions. He was worried that the kid would start backsliding. Of course, Josh deserved some privacy to deal with his demons. He had to let the younger man relearn how to stand on his own two feet. He remembered how he'd felt after a session with Dr. Summers, worn out from battling her and his own past. Lucky for him he already knew what the fuck was wrong with him. Had for the most part dealt with it. It didn't leave much for the doctor to do. Poor woman never did understand why he needed 'anger management' therapy. 'Course she'd only dealt with him. It wasn't like the woman knew she was dealing with an MPD.

Still, locking himself away from the world wasn't something he should get used to doing. He'd all ready told Josh he was here for him. He was pretty sure JC got it in his head but not where it counted. Decided on his course of action Marshall stood, kissed Hailie on her forehead and headed for the studio. Compromise was in order.

Growing impatient Marshall knocked again, louder this time. He'd been knocking for the last five minutes with no answer. He couldn't hear any movement from inside. Just the strains of some alt. crap, so he knew JC wasn’t in the sound booth. When there was still no answer Em opened the door anyway. Fuck it. He'd been polite long enough. Pushing open the door he froze at the picture of despair that Josh made. As he took in the sight, the music echoing in the background changed. Well at least the singer did tortured cries still spilled from the speakers. Music to commit suicide to Mama H often called it. The echoing cries of misery were amplified in the pitch-black studio. Josh sat huddled in a corner of the couch blinking against the sudden light, the wet glint of tears silver in the hallway light.

JC wiped hastily at his face, fighting not to squirm beneath Marshall's steady gaze. "What," he breathed out on a voice scratchy and worn from crying.

"Is this what you do in here," snapped Em as he stalked over to the board. He flicked a few switches, cutting Amy Lee off mid wail. His gaze darted over the play list, noting the reoccurring theme of broken. He'd be fucked if Joshua was going that route.

JC couldn't even work up enough emotion to be angry at Em's presumptuousness. He'd been doing some serious thinking since he'd gotten home. He'd finally made his decision. "I'm not going back," he said softly into the quiet.

Em turned slowly to face him. "What," Em asked just as softly; Marshall forcing most of the rage out of his voice.

JC knew that was Marshall's pissed tone but persisted. "I can't keep doing this. All she does is fucking make it worse. I can't take another day like today," he muttered before burying his face in his knees.

Marshall slowly counted to ten. He settled on the couch beside Josh. He waited for the other man to look up at him. When it became obvious Josh wasn't going to he spoke. "You're telling me you have one bad day and you're ready to quit?"

JC raised his head, gaze red-rimmed and weary. "One bad day? Do you know what I did today? Do you?" he barked.

No. 'Cause yo ass fucking hiding here in the dark. Stead of talking to me like you should've, muttered Em. Marshall shook his head and slumped back on the couch. "No. Why don't you tell me?" He asked, half turning so he was facing Joshua.

The very placidness of his answer irritated JC. "The good doctor and I discussed how my entire relationship was one big cluster fuck. How my lover raped me," he choked out fighting the instinctive shudder of disgust.

"Not just once but repeatedly. See we had a differing of opinion. Where I saw instances of intimacy between us. She saw my lover refusing to take my wants into account and forcing his desires on me." The laugh that spilled out was caustic and had it been possible would have burned.

Marshall was silent. He had no idea what went on in a relationship between two males. But he was certain about his opinion of Justin: a spoiled, demanding, egotistical, bitch. He'd bet money Justin got his way even when Josh didn't feel like it. "Is she right?" He made sure to keep his tone calm, no censure in his gaze.

JC turned away. He wanted to say no. To at least have something about his relationship be worthwhile. To not have everything mean nothing. It wasn't like he couldn't see the doctor's point. He could see where Justin's actions could be interpreted as having been abusive on certain occasions. But some part of him insisted that there had been love. That Justin had, despite everything, loved him. But Dr. Summers had written down what he'd told her. Just the facts. Then during the session in her soft, steady voice she'd begun to read the signs of abuse from her copy of the pamphlet she'd given him. With different names and no way to associate the situation with his lover, he'd agreed with her about the person in the situation being in an abusive relationship.

Afterwards, he'd felt manipulated. Tricked. Then her continuing insistence that he acknowledge what she believed were obviously instances of, if not out and out rape, non-consensual sex had enraged him. For the first time he'd screamed at her. She was trying to ruin the one good thing he had left. The memories of when Justin had loved him. Couldn't she see that it was all he had? She'd let him rant and rave for the rest of the session. Before posing one question for him for next time. "If a lie was all he had then why did he bother leaving?"

"Maybe fuck," he mumbled, sniffling.

Marshall dug out a tissue and handed it to him.

"It's not like I can't see how she'd come to that conclusion from what I said. Justin wasn't the most patient of lovers. He wanted it when he wanted it." JC shrugged helplessly. It wasn't like he was an expert on relationships. He'd had one serious relationship before Justin and even that hadn't gone beyond mutual blowjobs. "Our first time was less than spectacular," he admitted, looking away.

Em grimaced less at the thought of two men than at Timberfuck and Joshua. "So what is it the doc wants that makes you so uncomfortable?"

"I told her that Justin always “initiated intimacy“," muttered JC, making air quotes. "And that's not what I meant. It was just well..." JC flushed burying his face back in his knees. He groaned. "Man, you don't wanna hear this."

Marshall nudged him with his foot until the younger man looked up. "If I can handle hearing about Dee going down on Bizarre, I can deal with you and Timberfuck."

JC refused to meet Em's gaze but he started talking. "It's just you know it wasn't all that great at first. It usually hurt. I mean after awhile it started feeling good but it wasn't something I sought out."

Em couldn't think of anything to say to that. He couldn't imagine doing anything in the sack he didn't like. Hell from the way Josh went on, you'd think-- "Fuck are you sure you're even gay? 'Cause damn it sounds like only Timberfuck got anything out of the hanky-panky."

"Hanky-panky," JC giggled then clamped a hand over his mouth before sobering. He knew what Em was thinking. The doctor had brought it up as well. Only as something to think about, Justin’s actions as they affected his own sexuality. "Queer as a two dollar bill," he said quietly. "The good doctor believes I've sublimated my own sexuality so as to appease Justin's aggression."

"Huh," said Em.

JC sighed. "I made the mistake of telling her I hadn't gotten the hots for anyone since Justin."

"Being with him was a real mindfuck," spat Em. He knew the feeling intimately. Kim played head games with him until he didn't know up from down. And if you'd asked him a month ago he'd have still taken her back.

JC tipped his head back staring up at the ceiling. Anywhere but at the man beside him. The icy blue gaze full of sympathy and empathy but never pity. Solid and reassuring in the shadows.

"International Popstar. Sex Idol. And I can't face the truth."

"So you give up and that fucker wins," growled Em.

JC finally turned his head to meet the icy gaze. "I think he won a long time ago," he whispered.

Em stood abruptly, startling the brunette man. He ignored it, striding over to the light switch and turning them one.

Josh flinched in the sudden flare of light.

Em spun to face Josh.

"Fuck that," spat Em. He'd be damned if Timberfuck was gonna win. Josh was a good guy. Em wasn't about to let him give up on himself.

"What's this truth you can't face? That Timberfuck is a fucking abusive asshole! That he took the love you offered and ground it beneath his boot. So the fuck what, Joshua! It happens every goddamn day. The only thing you can do is drag your ass back to your feet and give the fuckers the bird," hissed Em voice filled with venom.

"If he couldn't see what a good thing he had then the shit didn't deserve you," he snarled out, pacing the small stretch of space between JC and the door.

JC sat stunned stupid by the diatribe Em had flown into. Some small part was wondering why he wasn't panicking. This much rage from Justin would have sent him into survival mode, which meant placating Justin by any means available. Instead here he sat watching Em get more and more worked up on his behalf. And the only reaction it was causing was warm fuzziess, because Em was upset for him. Justin was usually upset with him. He guessed that made all the difference. JC let that thought sink in. It hadn't always been that way but he'd always been the one doing the placating. The compromising. Justin demanded. JC gave. That was their relationship. Even if he disagreed with Dr. Summers about the entire thing being abusive --which he didn't he just wasn't ready to admit-- it wasn't healthy. Not when everything was all one sided. Dr. Summers and Em were right. If he was ever going to get on with his life he had to face the truth and see this through. He sighed.

"Are you even listening to me," barked Em.

JC's head jerked up as he met Em's gaze, the anger in them snapping and cracking like frost. "Uh no," he said with a sheepish shrug. Knowing he wouldn't have dared admit such a thing to Justin.

Em growled, stalking forward invading Josh's personal space. Before JC could even react Em's fingers had closed around his jaw.

JC froze but the hand's grip didn't tighten. In fact, he knew he could pull lose if he tried.

Em carefully grasped JC's jaw very aware of the seemingly fragile bones beneath the pale skin. He had the fleeting thought that life wasn't fair. He couldn't see how Timberfuck could have ever purposefully hurt this man. He gently tilted JC's head up until their eyes met and locked, actions belying the rage in his eyes.

"Life's a bitch," Em growled out. "You either fuck. Or you get fucked. I've done both. Let me tell you... doing it, better than getting. From this point on you are going to do the fucking. Understood?"

JC bit his lip he knew Em wouldn't appreciate laughter at this point. He nodded solemnly. Head moving easily in the careful grasp.

Em glared at him for a long minute. Then let go with a reluctance that was oddly familiar yet very new. "A'ight, then. So no more of this quitting shit."

"No more," promised JC. "I'll keep seeing, Fraulein Summers. Mein Fuhrer."

Em snorted and Marshall dropped back onto the sofa beside Joshua. "Seeing as Hailie's sleep and it doesn't look like either one of us is tired what do you say we get some real work done?"

JC blew his nose, and tossed the Kleenex into the trash. "A'ight."
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