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Bittersweet	By : TaimaMarie Category: Reality TV > Jackass Views: 2004 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, Ville Valo, Raab, Dico, or any other celebrity mentioned. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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AN: Ero, I *still* don't even have a permit. I do have some friends who are teaching me to drive. Ugh. It sucks. Anyway, I hope everyone likes this chapter. It's a set up for my next one.

“So how did she do?” April asked as Bam pulled off the helmet. Bam just gave her a mournful look and tried to settle his hair.

“She did—okay, I guess.” he sighed. “I mean, we didn't crash into a tree or anything like that, but Jesus Christ did she give me a heart attack.” he plopped himself down at the island as his mother gave him a cup of coffee.

“I know how you feel. You do that to me on a daily basis.” she chuckled. Bam gave her a thoughtful look.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she smiled at him and stroked his hair. “There are times, Bam, when I'm terrified that you're going to die.”

Bam frowned down into his coffee. April sat near him, letting the thoughts sink in. Her son often needed time to really think things through before he spoke. She loved it when he was thinking, loved it when she knew that he was really listening to her. There were times when she didn't think that he could hear her, times when she just knew that everything she said went one ear and out the other. The times like this made up for it.

“I'm sorry, Mom.”

“I know.” she bent forward and kissed his forehead.

“I never meant for you to feel that way. I just thought you always knew that I would be fine.”

“Oh, I guess deep down I always did.” she bit her lower lip. “I just didn't want to say it out loud. I didn't want to use up all our good luck by being cocky.”

The skater stood up and put his empty mug in the sink. He hugged April tightly. Not tightly to be funny, not to make people laugh, but tightly so that she knew he would love her. He hugged her tightly so she knew that he understood.

**

The snow came again. Bam had figured that it would, and thankfully, it shut Lenny up about driving. For the first time in a long time, the house was empty. April and Phil had gone to stay with Mum Mum and Pop Pop for a few days, because Mum Mum wasn't feeling entirely well. Dunn had gone to stay with some friends, Dico had trailed after, Novak was in Baltimore again (and he wouldn't be welcome in the house when he returned) and Rake and Raab were—elsewhere.

Bam found Lenny kneeling on the couch, resting her chin on her folded arms as she stared out at the falling snow. The flakes were thick and heavy, wet and nasty looking, promising to stick around for a while. She looked dreamy.

“What are you thinking about?” Bam broke the silence.

“That it's nice to be like this sometimes, just you and me. That sometimes I really just like the quiet.” she turned to smile. He dropped onto the couch and she draped herself across his lap. Bam began to stroke her hair, growing down past her shoulders now. She looked nice with longer hair, he thought.

“Does it bother you, that the house is full of people?”

“No, not really.” She caught one of his hands and worked on lacing their fingers together. Playfully he resisted. Her hands were so soft and warm. He was always impressed that she felt that way, felt so feminine. His hands were always torn up from skating.
“You just have to remember that my house was never like this growing up. I mean, sure we had some people going in and out of the house, friends of mine and my brother's. But it was never like this. Sometimes I just miss being able to—be away from it. I guess.”

“Even being away from me?”

“No, not you, really.” she smiled and leaned up, pressing a kiss against his lips. “Not you.” she hesitated.

“What is it?” he asked. She just shook her head. Bam caught her up in his arms and tumbled them both onto the floor, Lenny resting on top of him. She laughed, and he smiled. God, there was nothing like making her happy. There was nothing like her laughing.
“Tell me what it is.” he insisted. Lenny just shook her head.

Bam ran his fingertips up her side, hearing her giggle. With an evil smirk, he started a full fledged tickle assault. Lenny shrieked with laughter as he flipped them over, straddling her to tickle.

“No! Stop! Please!” she gasped.

“I guess you'd better tell me what you're thinking.” he shook his head. He tickled harder, feeling Lenny laughing breathlessly. She tried to bat his hands away, so he caught them and held them above her head. He looked at her with pleading eyes as she caught her breath.
“Come on, Lenny. Tell me.”

“It's just that... Bam, sometimes I'm scared that part of the reason we're together is all the people.”

“What do you mean?” he leaned down and rested his head on her chest, his ear pressed against her beating heart. He released her wrists, and she began to stroke his hair.

“I mean that we're always surrounded by people. We're never really quiet together like I want to be. We're always surrounded by all these people, when you're doing your radio show, when we're making dinner. Or you're trying to edit something, and I'm trying to write a new chapter. Whenever we are alone together we're making love or just falling exhausted into bed. And I love our life, and I love you more than I've loved anyone or anything else in my whole life, as short as that's been.” Lenny stopped to swallow.
“I'm just scared that once you and have a chance to be quiet together, REALLY quiet together, you'll have time to realize that you don't love me. We'll know that we don't belong together.”

Bam didn't speak for a moment, just nestled closer to her heart. Lenny bit down on her lip, wondering if she had said too much.

“You're really afraid of that?”

“I know it's silly.”

“Is that part of the reason you said you wouldn't marry me, Helena?” he lifted his head to look her in the eye. She nodded, just once.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because it wasn't the only reason, Brandon. There were so many reasons that I couldn't say yes...” her eyes were filling with tears as she reached up to touch the engagement ring she was still wearing on a chain around her neck.

“Don't cry,” he said softly, kissing her neck. “I hate it when you cry, baby. Don't cry.”

“I'm sorry,” she whimpered, covering her eyes.

Bam carefully got up off her, put his arm under her knees to lift her up. She wound her arms around his neck, her face buried in his neck. He carried her up to their room, laying her down on the bed while the snowy twilight darkened their room.

“Helena, listen to me.” he caught her chin, turned her face towards his. “I just want you to know that what you're afraid of isn't going to happen, okay? I'm going to prove it to you.”

“How?”

“If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?”

Lenny smiled then, her face lighting up. She reached out for him, her eyes begging for him to show her he loved her. Her soul crying out for some assurance. Tell me that I haven't said too much, her eyes said. Tell me that it's okay for me to speak my mind to you the way I have. Tell me, oh tell me that you love me.

Bam reached for the hem of her shirt, a wicked grin on his face. He should show her that he did love her. And he would certainly show her that her fears were unfounded.
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Bittersweet