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Miwaku no Zakuro	By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2861 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey, X Japan, or KISAKI, and do not profit from this work.

Chapter List
- 26
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- 28
“Kyo…” Kaoru’s voice came, low and heavy with warning.
Kyo shivered at the sound of his name issued in such a dark, menacing tone, but steadfastly held his ground. The unspoken threat of punishment should he cross too far over the line was almost enough to make the blonde doubt his decision – Kaoru wouldn’t kill him over it, he knew, but Time Out was an ever-effective deterrent of misbehavior, and he was loathe to risk the few freedoms he’d worked so hard to earn – but the decision had been made with sound reasoning and there was no turning back now. He didn’t trust his own voice not to crack under the strain, so he kept his silence, but he met his master’s gaze and stared it down doggedly.
‘Don’t be angry.’
‘Please don’t be angry.’
“Are you going to give me what I want, or do you require another lesson on obedience?”
Kyo felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, but all he did in response was narrow his eyes and shake his head resolutely. Kaoru reached again for the unopened bottle of beer in his pet’s unyielding grip, and Kyo hid it further behind his back, pushing a glass of water into his master’s hand instead.
He barely managed to keep his voice steady as he insisted, “You don’t want to spend Christmas morning hungover, do you? Drink the water, then you can have it.”
Kaoru’s irritated gaze flicked down to the water glass briefly, as if considering.
Kyo pressed his luck a little further, his eyes softening from the challenge and turning somewhat doleful. “…Please? I hate to see you so sick and unhappy…”
“…Oh, Jesus Christ,” Kaoru sighed, perhaps a bit more dramatically than was really necessary, and snatched the water glass out of Kyo’s hand, tipping his head back and draining it with one long pull. When he was finished, he held it up and shook it sardonically at his pet to prove it was empty. “There. Happy now, you little hen?”
‘…!’
‘It worked!’
‘Maybe now He won’t be so miserable in the morning.’
A deferential nod, and the barest hint of a smile. “Yes, Master.”
To be honest, Kyo was rather pleased at the victory. More and more as time went by, he found himself carefully testing the curious sort of sway he seemed to have over his master. He liked to see how much he could get away with so long as his intentions were still ultimately in Kaoru’s favor, as well as how much of an effect he had on the man based on his facial expressions, tone of voice, or posturing. Kaoru was almost certainly aware of the little games, of course, but the fact that he indulged Kyo in them was telling in its own right. He took the empty water glass from Kaoru’s hand and replaced it with the beer bottle.
“Thank you,” Kaoru grumbled, more amused than he maybe wanted to admit.
From one side, a low voice singsonged teasingly, “Whiiipped…”
Die, seated next to Kaoru on the couch, got an elbow in the ribs in response, but laughed the halfhearted blow off. It was late Christmas Eve, and the three of them plus Toshiya and Shinya were gathered in Kaoru’s living room, bundled comfortably in sweat clothes and pajamas after a day spent playing around in the near-meter of fresh snow piled outside. When dark had fallen, they’d retired to the master suite to watch Christmas movies and play board games. The living room alone was decorated for the holiday, and almost garishly so, with garlands and blinking lights along every straight edge, mistletoe over the doorway, and a tree tucked in the corner whose limbs bowed dangerously under the weight of so many ornaments. It had been Die’s pet project the night before.
Everyone seemed to have relaxed from their usual roles and pretenses. Toshiya and Kaoru had forsaken contact lenses for thick-rimmed glasses, their hair in disarray from playing in the snow. Shinya and Die looked rather like gawky teenagers out of their customary suits, their slender limbs appearing spindly under loose tee shirts and cotton pants. Looking in, one would never guess they were anything more than a handful of twenty-something bachelors getting together for a low-key stag Christmas.
Kyo, for his part, was unusually busy for a Friday night, and he had been all week. Following the Christmas party, almost all of the mansion staff had been sent home to their families for the holidays, leaving only a barebones staff of ten volunteer security enforcers to monitor the premises. All of the cooks and housekeepers were gone for nearly two weeks, until after New Year’s, which left Kyo the tasks of cleaning and cooking for his master each day in addition to his regular duties. The small kitchen in the master suite had been fully stocked for the occasion, and he had some experience cooking for two, so it had hardly been a daunting chore for him, but it did take some adjustment. Tonight, he was in charge of feeding all four of them, as well as fetching drinks.
Besides the little hiccup caused by his efforts to spare his master a hangover, and in spite of his temporary relegation to housekeeping duties, Kyo had to admit that he was rather enjoying himself. He’d had spent the last few years’ worth of holidays on his own – since Kisaki had typically gone back to Kyoto every year to celebrate with his parents – so a Christmas that wasn’t spent moping in an empty apartment was a stark change of pace for him. It had been fun spending the day outside, goofing off in snow-filled gardens with his ‘brothers’ and his master, particularly since the others seemed more than happy to involve him in everything they did and treated him as nothing more and nothing less than a younger sibling; one to be coveted, protected, and teased mercilessly.
The atmosphere had been nothing but jovial all day long, everyone in high spirits and frequently indulging in cheerful fits of immaturity. Lounging around the living room now, in sweat pants with full bellies and nothing to do, was a treat as well. He’d even been allowed to pick a movie for their little marathon. After Kaoru’s selection of The Nightmare Before Christmas, he’d felt hardly any hesitance in selecting Gremlins, and no one even seemed to consider begrudging him his holiday favorite. It was the most… included he’d felt in any group in a very, very long time.
Kaoru grabbed his pet by the waistband and dragged the younger man down onto the couch between himself and Die, hissing playfully in his ear, “C’mere, you brat. Sit down and shut up before you get yourself in trouble.”
Kyo, recognizing the now-familiar tone of his master’s teasing, simply allowed himself to be pulled down and relaxed against the older man’s side. Familiar fingers threaded through his hair, and he wondered if his presence would be missed all that terribly if he fell asleep. His sun always went down by ten-thirty; it was surprisingly hard to stay up any later than that anymore.
‘Not like I talk all that much anyways…’
‘They probably wouldn’t even notice…’
‘…Mn, but I have to make sure they don’t get hungry or thirsty.’
“Man, this movie is terrible,” Toshiya groused from his spot on the other couch, lounging with his head on Shinya’s lap. “Who picked this?”
“That would be you, Totchi,” Shinya reminded him with a smile.
“It’s awful! It’s like a… a romantic comedy written by a freaking Amish virgin who accidentally saw his own dick one day an- oh, wait… hold up now…” Toshiya sat up, grinning madly. “Oh man, are they going to… HAHA, YES! Boning on Christmas! Oh, this is awesome, was this a porn or something? What shelf was it on?!”
“At least it explains the bad acting,” Shinya put in.
“And yet, it seems the sex is even more awkward than the dialogue,” Kaoru observed wryly. “Not sure how they manage to fuck up one-syllable lines…”
“Haha, holy shit! I don’t think that’s where that goes, buddy!” Die crowed.
“It’s not where she was hoping it’d go, anyways,” Toshiya cackled.
Shinya blanched. “Oh wow… that looks sort of uncomfortable…”
Kaoru cocked his head. "Points to the girl for keeping on her game face, though."
Die was about to say something else, when a cheerful beep from a timer on top of the television cut him off. He was on his feet in a heartbeat – staggering just a bit – eyes wide and overjoyed as he lunged across the room and grabbed the device, brandishing it victoriously at the others. “IT’S CHRISTMAS!”
Kaoru chuckled indulgently. “So it is. Merry Christmas, guys.”
Toshiya and Shinya echoed the sentiment as Die snatched up a Santa hat from where it had been waiting on the coffee table and pulled it down around his ears with an eager grin. Toshiya, Shinya, and Kaoru seemed perfectly accustomed to the redhead’s zeal, sitting up and moving forward in their seats as he set himself into the pile of gifts around the tree. Kyo tucked himself back into the corner of the couch to watch, curious to see what was obviously something of a tradition for these men, as Die began handing out presents. There was a brief moment of quiet in that moment, only broken by the stilted moans of the unfortunate couple on the television, before the room exploded into a cacophony of noise and flying colored paper as they all began ripping into the gifts with little other preamble.
There was an oddly irreverent sort of affection that went into the havoc that was Christmas in the Niikura household. No one took turns politely unwrapping their gift as the others watched on to ooh and aah over each mundane little thing; every package was torn open almost simultaneously, bared to its owner’s eager gaze, and every joyous reaction was made particularly sweet by its obvious sincerity.
“This one’s for Shin-Baby from Kao!”
“Holy hell, this is amazing! Where did you get this?”
“Ah! It’s perfect; I know exactly where I’ll put it!”
“Haha, try it on, Totchi, see if it fits!”
“Here you go, Kaoru, it’s from me.”
“You haven’t seen that yet, have you?”
“Awesome! Let’s find some batteries and fire this thing up!”
“Here, Die, pull out that round one, with the green bow.”
“Oh thank you, thank you, Kao, I love it!”
“Did you see the extra little bit on the side? It comes out…”
Kyo was more than a little surprised to find a handful of gifts tumbling into his own lap as well. It was surreal, to see his name so carefully scrawled in four unfamiliar hands across bows, ribbons, and tags. Quietly, with hands that shook just a little, he unwrapped each package he was handed. A small collection of custom designed clothes from Toshiya. A handheld video game system and games from Die. An electronic book reader with a fair number of short horror stories and myths already loaded onto it from Shinya. A portable music player from Kaoru with a note promising they would fill it up tomorrow. He hadn’t really been expecting to receive any gifts, so to get ones with such thought placed into them… a decidedly sweet ache coiled in his chest.
‘My brothers…’
‘Am I really… are they…’
‘My… family?’
“This one’s mine!” Die called jovially. “From… Kyo?”
‘Oh hell, he found them…’
The utter bewilderment in Die’s voice brought the attention of the others back to him. Confined as he was to Kaoru’s quarters, without a penny to his name, and being somewhat unpredictable in his acceptance of his new life, the others had expected gifts from Kyo even less than he’d expected gifts from them. Die tugged loose the crimson strip of ribbon that had been so precisely tied around the tightly-rolled tube of paper, and unfolded the sheet with care. Toshiya, unable and unwilling to wait for the redhead to share what was on the paper, shuffled around to peer over his shoulder.
“‘Hermes – of guidance. Trickster patron of thieves and athletes, protector of travelers, interpreter between mortal and gods, conductor of lost souls to the Underworld. The Messenger,’” Die read slowly, then beamed. “It’s me!”
He held up the paper for Kaoru and Shinya. The front of the page had a meticulously rendered – though decidedly cartoonish – image of a man wearing winged sandals, apparently in mid-sprint. He held a caduceus in one hand and a lyre in the other, and wore only a loose cloth wrapped around his hips. Everything, from the man’s spiky faux-hawk to his purely mischievous grin to the scales carefully detailed on his right hand, indicated that it was intended to be an image of Die.
“Aw man, that’s cool! Is there one for me?” Toshiya demanded, pushing behind Die to look in the darker corner the little tube had been tucked into. “Yeah! We all get one!” He tossed similar papers to Kaoru and Shinya – wrapped in purple and gold ribbons respectively – and sat to undo the blue tie on his. “…Oooh, I look so good! Mine says ‘Dionysus – of carnal delights.’ Oh my! ‘Protector of outcasts, patron of orgiastic excess and ecstasy, purveyor of spirits and theater. The Liberator.’”
Toshiya had been drawn with particular attention to androgyny, neither overtly male nor female. He was reclining, a leopard skin draped over his hips, with a vine of grapes dangling from one hand and a thyrsus in the other, a purely seductive smile across his face.
“‘Hades,’” Kaoru read, to no one’s surprise, “‘Of the Underworld. Patron of the dead, keeper of all the world’s wealth, ruling in darkness to maintain balance with unwavering authority. The Unseen.’”
Kaoru was drawn perhaps with more attention to detail than the others; understandable, considering how much more of him Kyo saw, and how much more attention the blonde paid him purely by force of habit. His tattoos were painstakingly recreated, as was the burn scar marring his chest. He was shown sitting regally on a macabre throne of skulls, a massive three-headed dog at his knee and an ornate helmet dangling casually from one hand.
There was an expectant pause before Die leaned over and prodded Shinya’s knee. “Hey, wake up. It’s your turn, who are you?”
Shinya cocked his head, a curious smile tugging at his lips. “‘Athena – of wisdom. Guide of heroes, embodiment of divine intelligence and tactical cunning, patron of inspiration and creativity. The Virgin.’”
Shinya had been rendered fairly effeminately – his hair drawn in a fall of delicate ringlets around his face – but quite obviously male under the armor he wore, which he rather appreciated. He stood ready with a spear in one hand while a snake wound its way up the opposite arm, a small owl perched stoically on his shoulder.
“Oh man, these are so freaking cool!”
“Ah, look! Look at my little wing sandals!”
“I look kinda good in leopard skin, ne?”
“Kyo, this is beautiful, I had no idea you could draw.”
“Hehe, it really captures Kao’s creepy stare, doesn’t it?”
“Shin-baby looks so pretty!”
Kyo sat quietly, his burning face hidden as much as he could manage behind the longer side of his bangs, as the other four exclaimed over the pictures just as excitedly as they had everything else. Drawing wasn’t really his strong suit, so it had taken a lot of very late nights to get the images anywhere near how he wanted them, with a fair collection of attempts torn up and crumpled in frustration. He also worried that, in the face of the caliber of gifts that the men got for one another, that his would seem paltry in comparison; that at best they’d be dismissed, at worst, patronized. More than once he’d considered taking the little tubes back out from under the tree before they could be seen.
Kaoru wrapped one hand loosely around the back of the blonde’s neck and leaned over to kiss the side of his head, murmuring softly just to him, “It’s exquisite, Kyo, thank you. You make me damn proud to call myself your master.”
Now… now he simply felt a deep-running shiver of something like satisfaction, to have contributed to all of their happiness. The more ways he found to endear himself to his master and his brothers – to make them happy, to be a part of the strange family – the better and more secure he found he felt about his place among them. It was nice to feel needed.
He spent the next hour or so curled contentedly against Kaoru’s side while the rest of the gifts were torn open and some were opened up to play with. Some artsy, noir horror movie that Toshiya had received replaced the terrible porno and Die popped open a bottle of very nice whiskey to share as the evening wound down to a close. Kaoru and Toshiya got into a drunken argument over the wording of the rules to Shinya’s new board game, and it ended in a wild, playful wrestling match that very nearly knocked over the Christmas tree, much to Die’s dismay. The more time that passed, the drunker and slower everyone became. It was close to three in the morning before the movie shut itself off and Kyo – dead sober but exhausted – looked around to find that Toshiya, Die, and Kaoru were absolutely dead to the world, and Shinya was close on their heels. Tamping down the temptation to follow suit, he extracted himself from Kaoru’s grip and blearily set to cleaning up the room.
First things first, he tucked a blanket around Kaoru, and removed the man’s glasses carefully. Then he did the same for Toshiya and Die, smiling to himself at how Toshiya had managed to weasel his way into Die’s lap to sleep cuddled against his chest with painfully endearing drunken pretense. The blue-haired man really did take every little bit he could get. He fetched a trash bag and set to collecting all the ribbons, bows, tags, and scraps and wads of wrapping paper that had been scattered into every corner of the room, sorting everyone’s gifts into separate piles as he went.
When he came back from shoving the bag down the trash chute in the kitchen, he was surprised to find the television was off and Shinya was moving silently about the room, collecting dirty dishes into a neat stack. Kyo collected all of the remaining beer bottles and together, they returned to the kitchen. He dumped the bottles down the chute and set to taking care of the dishes, and Shinya picked up a dishtowel, wordlessly taking up the task of drying as Kyo washed.
“I appreciate the help, but you don’t have to stay up,” the blonde pointed out. “This is supposed to be my job until the housekeepers come back, I think.”
Shinya shook his head, taking the first clean plate and drying it languidly before setting it up on its shelf. “I don’t mind. I can’t sleep with the place like this, knowing how much Kaoru hates it when it’s messy.”
“Aa, he does… Thanks.” Kyo bobbed his head a bit and continued with his work. “…I hope I didn’t offend you.”
“Hmm?”
“Drawing you as Athena.”
Shinya chuckled a bit. “Oh, no, not at all. None of the others know enough Greek mythology to realize she was a goddess, so I doubt they’ll give me any grief. It’s kind of flattering to be compared to her, actually.”
Kyo gave a faint smile. “I’m glad. I tried to find a god, but no one else seemed to suite you…”
"Mm. Did you draw yourself as well?"
"…Aa."
"As whom?"
"Sisyphus."
Shinya blinked. "Sisyphus… isn’t that the king who spends his afterlife pushing the same boulder up a hill over and over, because it falls back down every time he reaches the top?"
Kyo nodded. "He earned his punishment by being cruel and deceitful in life. I suppose my former life must have been misspent as well, to have earned everything that's happened in this one… but I never seem to learn to stop pushing the boulder up the hill. I know that there's nothing beautiful in the world, and that I'm ultimately a weak human being… but I still want to become strong, and happy. In spite of everything, as I live, I hope."
"That's… the most pessimistic and optimistic thing I think I've ever heard. You seem to have a gift for seeing two sides of a coin at once."
"Thanks."
He’d been sleepy before but now, without Kaoru taking his full attention, he got to thinking about the youngest and most mysterious of his brothers. This was the first time he’d ever really been alone with Shinya, one of a very small handful of occasions he spent more than just a few minutes in the man’s presence at all. Compared to all the time he’d spent with Toshiya and Die over the past month, it seemed a glaring lapse in his understanding of his new family, and all of the questions and suspicions he had about the man were starting to bubble up in the back of his mind. Something in Shinya spoke very profoundly to something in himself, and he wanted very much to know what it was.
Kyo cleared his throat a bit. “Can I ask you something, Shinya?”
Shinya smiled at him. As always, the expression had no effect on the perpetual neutrality of his eyes. “Of course.”
Kyo shifted his gaze down to stare at the bit of spaghetti sauce he was scrubbing off of a plate. “Why… why did you stay here?”
“Well, to help clean up. Like I said, I just hate leaving this place messy.”
“No, not tonight. Before, when you were freed. Did Kaoru make you, or…?”
Shinya cocked his head a bit as he accepted the plate. “What do you mean?”
Kyo took a breath and looked up, meeting the older man’s gaze and committing himself to something he might very well regret. “Five years ago, when Kaoru killed the old leader of this place… your master… why did you stay?”
The sound of porcelain shattering was too sharp and too loud between them as the plate crashed to the floor, surrendered by Shinya’s abruptly slack grip. The air in the room seemed to thicken and become colder under a sudden, indefinable strain, as if the spirit of winter itself had crept in when no one was looking. Kyo felt his heart skip just a bit, and wondered if one of those ceramic shards would find itself buried in his chest before the night was through. If the anger and panic suddenly seething in Shinya’s eyes was any indication, it was a distinct possibility.
“Who told you that?” the auburn-haired man growled.
Kyo shrugged quickly, trying to make himself look as disarming as possible. “I just… guessed. Things you’ve said, things the others have said… your back… I just… He… he was Kaoru’s brother, wasn’t he? Don’t… don’t they look…? I mean, if he treated you so badly… if you look at Kaoru and always see… how can you stay here?”
Shinya’s eyes narrowed dangerously, and Kyo braced himself to bolt. But the older man seemed to catch himself, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, his body relaxing forcibly as he exhaled. His voice came out strained, shaking just the tiniest bit. “I don’t want to talk about it, it doesn’t matter. Whatever happened before, whatever I used to be, that’s not my life anymore, so it doesn’t matter.”
“I… I’m sorry, Shinya…I didn’t mean…”
Kyo’s apology fell on deaf ears. Shinya was gone. Distantly, he heard the entrance door to the master suite open and close, and he deflated against the counter.
“Shit.”
‘I’m so selfish…’
‘I ruined his Christmas for my own curiosity.’
‘Gods, he looked so… angry…’
‘…So… why…?’
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Miwaku no Zakuro