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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)	By : urbanephoenix Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Placebo Views: 5829 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction! I do not know any members of Placebo or their families, and I do not profit from these writings.

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Because I’ve been so neglectful for the past few weeks, here’s two chapters in three days.

A/N: Someone on another site asked me about Ianto’s name. It’s pronounced “Yarn-toe”and it’s sort of the Welsh equivalent of John.
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BRIAN.

Brian awoke the next morning , his eyes burning from the sun shining through the window. He rolled over to escape it, noticing he was alone in the bed.

“Morning.” A voice from the other side of the room called out. Ianto was sitting in an armchair, bowl of cereal in hand. “I don’t mean to be a killjoy but you should probably get some clothes on. The guys agreed to meet here at ten.”

Sitting up Brian rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?” he asked.

The Welshman looked down at his watch. “Five to.” He replied, shovelling another scoop of cereal into his mouth.

“Ten? Shit...” the smaller boy jumped out of bed, searching for his clothes.

“On the dresser.”

“Thanks.” Brian muttered, pulling his shirt over his head. He looked over at the older singer. This wasn’t nearly as awkward as he thought it might be. “Are you... ok?” he asked. “You know, about last night?”

Ianto smiled, putting down his bowl and walking over to the closet. “Well, I’m pretty fucking sore thanks to you.”

Brian laughed. “Oh suck it up.”

“But I don’t regret a thing.”

‘Thank God’, Brian thought to himself. Just as he was doing up the button on his jeans, the hotel door swung open.

“Hey Ianto! You here?”

Brian recognised the voice as belonging to Hanlon Riots’ drummer, Max.

“In here!”

Sneaking a look in the mirror, Brian couldn’t help but notice how rugged he looked. He wasn’t wearing any shoes or socks, and his hair was a mess.

“Whoa, you alright little dude?” Max asked, eyeing Brian’s dishevelled appearance.

“Yeah, uh didn’t get much sleep last night.” He mumbled in reply, trying to straighten out his hair by running his fingers through it. “Just um... came over to borrow some shoes.”

Ianto cocked an eyebrow, but smiled and threw him a pair of Doc Martins from his closet. “I know that feeling.” He grinned. “Didn’t get much sleep myself."

“Well you two better wake up,” Darren, the bass player, interjected. “We’re heading to the venue in an hour.”

“An hour?” Brian asked, looking up. “But the show isn’t until seven tonight!”

“Yeah, the eighteen plus show starts at seven.” Ianto explained. “The all ages show starts at twelve.”

“Shit, I gotta go wake up Stef.” The small singer jumped up and headed for the door, his shoelaces still undone. “Uh, thanks for the shoes Ianto but they don’t fit. We’ll meet you at the venue in an hour.”

STEFAN.

Stef hadn’t slept well. Not because of the lumpy mattress or the hum of the lights in the motel hallway, but because he had actually done the unthinkable. Said Brian’s name while having sex with someone who wasn’t Brian. He cringed at the mere thought.

He’d suspected Courtney would sleep in the other bed anyway, given that each was hardly big enough for one, let alone two of them, but he still felt surprisingly lonely waking up surrounded by nothing but sheets.

The redhead was sitting in the corner of the room, eating dry cornflakes from a tiny single-serving box, the kind you get on aeroplanes. “Morning.” He mumbled.

Stefan didn’t know what to say. Was there a protocol for these kinds of things? “Hey.” He replied quietly. Ok, best to just be out with it. “I’m sorry about last night.” He said, throwing off the bed sheets and pulling a t-shirt over his head. “I don’t know why I said that, it just.... I...”

“Yes?” Courtney looked up at him with sad eyes. He didn’t look angry, just disappointed. Anger would have been easier to deal with, Stef thought to himself.

“I don’t know,” he collapsed back onto the bed, head in hands. “argh, I don’t know what goes through my head sometimes.”

“Look, Stef-“ Courtney started, approaching the bed.

“Stef!” Brian burst through the door looking out of breath.

‘Nice timing,’ Stef thought, rolling his eyes. Courtney threw his arms up and went back to sit in the corner.

“What?”

“We have a show today.”

“We know!” Courtney said, clearly annoyed. “It’s not until tonight, now we were in the middle of something here!”

“No, no. We have one today AND tonight! We have to be at the venue in an hour!” Brian said urgently, still catching his breath.

“Shit, really?” Stef started looking through his suitcase for his red jeans, the ones he’d been saving for these shows. “Ok, um... we’ll get ready and meet you down stairs in ten.”

Courtney got up again as Brian hurriedly slammed the door behind him, running back to his own room. “How about we just forget about it?” he sighed.

“What, the show? No way, we-“ Stef objected, pulling on his boots.

“Not the show, last night.” The redhead corrected. “Look, everyone makes... mistakes.” He shrugged. “But I’d like to add another condition to our ‘arrangement’.”

“Stef frowned. “Sure...”

“Ok, new arrangement. I don’t care who or what you do, as long as you come home to me, and no ‘involvement’ with anyone you have an emotional attachment to.”

“So, you’re saying no Brian...” Stefan couldn’t help but smile slightly.

Courtney blushed. “I didn’t say that exactly, I-“

“It’s ok.” The blonde put a finger to his lips. “I understand. And... I’m sorry.”

“I-it’s ok. Let’s get ready.

***

By ten to twelve, Brian and Stef were sitting alone backstage. The blonde was fidgeting nervously with his bass, listening to the growing crowd outside. The venue was huge, especially compared to the mere two they’d played in before.

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea.” He blurted out.

Brian looked at him, confused. “Come on, Stef. It’ll be fine.” He smiled. “Are you ok? You guys don’t really seem yourselves today.”

Stefan really wasn’t in the mood to discuss this. “Yeah, yeah it’s fine. We just had a... thing.”

“Ooh,” the smaller boy grinned broadly. “so you guys are together now are you?” he teased.

“N-ye... It’s complicated, can we leave it at that?”

“Fine, fine, I’ll drop it.”

“Where were you last night?” Stef queried, pulling his guitar strap on.

Brian blushed, tuning his own instrument. “Out with Ianto.”

“I thought you sa-“

“Let’s not go there. Come on, they’re waiting for us.”

BRIAN.

The venue was packed, hundreds of teenagers, many of them no older than Brian himself, filling up the room. The stage was set up for them so that the drum machine was against the wall, a single stool in the middle behind a microphone, and three guitars sitting in stands. Taking a deep breath, Brian stepped on stage. Much to his surprise, he and Stef were met by roaring cheers. He wasn’t sure if it was because these people were genuinely interested in them, or they were just happy to be entertained by anybody.

Picking up his guitar, Brian looked over to Stef who, had an acoustic strapped to his chest, had started strumming the opening bars of the song they’d recently named “I Know”. The two of them had agreed this was a good song to start on, the slow start giving them a chance to introduce themselves.

“Hey, we’re Cygnet Committee. Thanks for coming early to see us, this is our first time in Manchester.” The crowd cheered at the name of their city. Brian grinned. “This song is called “I Know”.”

This was the first time the pair had played without disguises, Brian couldn’t help but feel a different kind of connection with the audience. Of course, they didn’t know the words to the songs, but the dancing was all the encouragement the singer needed.

“This is our last song, it’s called “Bruise Pristine”. Hanlon Riots are up next, you’re in for one hell of a show. Thanks guys!”

***

Stumbling off stage, Brian was covered in sweat, but couldn’t stop smiling. It had been their best show yet, everything had gone perfectly.

“Nicely done.” Ianto grinned, patting Brian on the shoulder. “Hope they like us that much.”

The smaller boy laughed. “Are you kidding? Jesus, I hope it’s like that tonight as well.”

“Oh it will be,” the Welshman assured him. “except everyone will be drunk. Hey uh, is Stef ok? He seems a little moody. I mean, more so than usual.”

“Yeah, just a little... lover’s quarrel I think.” Brian shrugged, putting his guitar away in the changing room.

“Oooh,” Ianto chuckled, following him in. “his girl didn’t know he was going to be hitting the road for two weeks?”

The small singer rolled his eyes at the irony. “Na Courtney, you know, that redhead guy with the glasses who came with us? I think they had a “thing” last night.”

“You mean like, an US thing?”

“No, nothing like that. They’re kind of... on again off again. It’s a little complicated.”

“Wow, this is the gayest tour ever.” Ianto laughed, sitting on one of the desk chairs pushed against the wall.

“Hey! I’m not gay, and neither are you. Those two just like to make their lives difficult.”

The taller boy frowned. “You’re not?”

“Look, do you really want to talk about this here?” Brian asked pulling his sweat-drenched shirt off, looking for his spare.

“No, no. There are other things I’m far more interested in.” Ianto smiled, getting up to stand behind him. He ran his hands down Brian’s now naked chest. “Like how hot you look all... moist.”

“You’ll have plenty of other opportunities to talk about that later. You should get moving.” The smaller boy smiled, placing his hands over the larger ones resting on his hips.

“Oh, shit you’re right.” The Welshman headed for the door, but stopped suddenly. “Oh yeah, I think it’d be really cool if you sung the finale with us tonight. Here are the lyrics,” he said, passing Brian a crumpled piece of paper. “let me know.”

STEFAN.

Stef had enjoyed the show immensely but was still distracted by the events of the morning. Why did Courtney always forgive him so easily? He sighed, as usual, he was just looking for ways to make things more complicated.

“Great stuff, handsome.”

The blonde turned to see Courtney beaming at him. “Thanks.” He smiled back. “I can’t believe how much all these people like us.”

“Well, you two really are something special. Hey, there’s someone out here who wants to talk to you.”

Stef frowned. “Who?”

“Well, for some reason he thought I was your manager,” Courtney blushed. “he’s a drummer.”

“A drummer? Great um, I’ll grab Brian.”

By the time the trio made their way to the front of the venue, Hanlon Riots had almost finished setting up and the main room was over-flowing. Courtney led them to where a lone man was standing. He was tall, almost as tall as Stef, with short brown hair and looked extremely nervous.

“Guys, this is Harry, Harry this is Stefan and Brian.”

“Nice to meet you.” Stefan smiled, shaking the other boy’s trembling hand.

“I-um yes, nice to meet you too. Both of you.” He stammered. “Sorry, I’m not normally this nervous, I Just... um...”

“It’s ok,” Brian laughed. “so Courtney tells us you’re a drummer, yeah?”

“Yes, I’m looking for a band and couldn’t help but notice you two don’t have one. A drummer I mean.”

“Yeah it’s something we’re trying to work on.” Stef shrugged. “Ok, so tell us about yourself.”

Harry bit his bottom lip before replying. “Ok um... I’ve been playing drums for about six years, I’m twenty years old... I live in London, it’s just a coincidence I’m here this week. Is there anything else you want to know?”

“No uh, that’s the important stuff I guess.” Brian replied, shooting a look to Stef for support.

“We can’t really audition you at the moment,” the blonde explained. “but how about we give you a call in a couple of weeks when we’re home? We have a possible tour lined up over Christmas we need a drummer for.”

Harry’s face lit up. “Yeah, that’d be great! Um, I’ll grab a pen.”

Stefan and Brian exchanged looks as the drummer ran off to find something to write with.

“Wow,” Brian broke the silence. “he sure is jittery.”

“He’s a drummer, you need a drummer. I thought he was worth talking to at least.” Courtney shrugged.

“No, that’s great.” The blonde smiled. “Thanks, honey.” Stef kissed the top of Courtney’s head gently, making the older boy smile. Brian rolled his eyes.

“You guys get his number, I don’t want to miss the show.”

BRIAN.

It was three in the afternoon. Still another three hours before they were required at the venue for the second show. Courtney was asleep and Hanlon Riots had gone sightseeing. Brian couldn’t help but wonder what the hell there WAS to see in Manchester, but he kept that to himself.
He lay on his back, looking up at the lyrics Ianto had given him. He really wasn’t good at memorising other people’s work. A knock at the door broke his concentration.

“Brian?”

It was Stef.

“Yeah, come in.” The singer replied, glancing over to the other side of the room. Stefan didn’t look any happier than he had that morning. “Are you ok?”

The blonde shook his head, taking a seat on the end of the bed. “I- something happened last night. Courtney is pretending it’s ok but I know deep down he can’t be ok with it.” He mumbled, not making eye contact.

“What is it?” Brian asked, sitting up. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Stef nodded. “It’s just a bit... embarrassing. I don’t want you to take it the wrong way or anything.”

The black haired boy laughed. “Come on, what is it?”

“You, I... last night, I um... I might have said your name... while I was... um... with Courtney. If you uh, know what I mean.” He was blushing furiously , cringing as he spoke those last few words.

Brian’s eyes widened. That wasn’t what he’d expected. “Wow, um... I’m flattered, I think.”

“Brian!” Stef shot him a dirty look over his shoulder.

“Sorry. Courtney really said he was ok with it?”

“Not exactly, I mean. The conditions of our renewed relationship were that it would be casual, on my end anyway. He thinks I’m afraid of commitment so he said I can do who and whatever I like, as long as I come back to him.” Stefan explained slowly.

“Sounds great.” Brian shrugged.

“But then this morning he added another condition. No emotional attachments. With anyone else, obviously. I don’t know, it just made me think he feels threatened by you.”

The smaller boy couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course he does! How could you possibly think he WOULDN’T feel threatened? He’s only human!”

“But I thought he-“

“Stef, Jesus... this is the third time he’s tried being with you. The two times it hasn’t worked before has been BECAUSE of me! He knows the history we have, we spend all our time together, he knows how we feel about each other. It’d be weird if he wasn’t threatened by that.” Brian explained.

“I guess that makes sense,” the blonde frowned. “but what do you mean ‘how we feel about each other’? I mean, you and I... we’re past that, right?”

Brian shifted his eyes nervously. “Well-“

“I mean, you said that was it. No more, remember?”

“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t WANT it, just that, it would be wise if nothing DID happen.”

Stefan looked stunned. “Oh, right.” He muttered quietly.

“I don’t think I can ever change how I feel about you, Stef. But I don’t want to ruin what you already have, what we have. Just know I’m here if you ever, you know, need me.” He smiled, placing a hand on the taller boy’s shoulder.

“I’ll always need you,” the blonde smiled. “wow that sounded corny.” He laughed. “You have to tell me what’s going on with you and whatsisname?”

“Ianto.” Brian rolled his eyes.

“It’s not my fault English people have such weird names.”

“Firstly, he’s Welsh, not English, and second, we can’t ALL be Swedish Mr. Olsdal.” Brian grinned. “Besides, there’s not much to tell.”

“Oh come off it, don’t play that game with me. Come clean.”

The black haired boy was surprised how well his friend could read him now. “Well,” he sighed. “he was curious so last night we... had some fun.” It wasn’t a lie, not really.

“Fun?”

“Ok we slept together. He was feeling confused about being attracted to me and just wanted to know what it was like. He’s gorgeous and I was bored.” Brian shrugged. It sounded perfectly reasonable to him.

“And?”

“And what? That’s all there is to it.”

Stef laughed. “Oh Brian, nothing is ever that simple with you.”

“Look who’s talking,” the singer smirked back. “Mr. ‘I have to complicate everything or my life isn’t complete’.”

“Wow that’s a really long name.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, I have no expectations, I’m just stoked we’re out here, on a tour!”

“There’s nobody I’d rather be here with.” The blonde replied, placing his hand on Brian’s, resting on the bed.

“Stef...” the singer asked nervously. “why... why did you say my name? Last night...”

“Honestly? I don’t know, but if I had to guess, it’s because, deep down, it’s you I want, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to escape that.”

Brian smiled. “We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“No,” Stefan laughed. “yet here we are.”

Brian held his gaze for what felt like forever. He didn’t know what came over him, but before he knew it, he’d pulled his friend on top of him and had him trapped in a lip lock. What surprised him most, though, Stef wasn’t resisting.

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A/N: Before anyone gets going at me, this is all happening in 1992, before Placebo existed, that’s why Harry exists. I figure I’ve fucked with the time-line enough, that one more won’t matter too much lol. If I keep going and going and going it’ll eventually work itself out.

One more thing, my friend has started drawing pics to go with my story. Here's one she drew of Courtney: http://the-meta-knight.deviantart.com/art/Courtney-164882522
(don't click if you want to keep the image you've created for yourself) almost exactly how I pictured him =)
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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)