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Your Sins Into Me	By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work.

Chapter List
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Sprawling, low-hung branches of a gnarled old maple tree protected the small figure huddled against its thick trunk from the torrential summer rain that poured down around it. This lonely corner of a small, unassuming park was quiet even on the best of days, so on a stormy night like tonight it was completely deserted. The man under the tree was shirtless and barefoot, back pressed against the trunk with his knees drawn up close as he fiddled absentmindedly with a sharp folding knife, flicking it open and closed over and over with a practiced motion. One thin line on his left wrist bled sluggishly, but the pain wasn’t as cathartic as usual, doing nothing to dull the ache in his heart, so he’d given up on that method of coping.
A soft rustle outside the shelter caused the man inside to freeze, ears and eyes straining in the dark. Another man came into view, soaked to the bone, and stood before the first for a long moment. Slowly, gracefully, the intruder sank to his knees, hands resting non-threateningly on his thighs, head bowed.
“…What are you doing here, Kaoru?”
“I was worried. It’s been three days, if you stay out here much longer you’re going to get sick.”
“…” Kyo stared at his knife, legs pulling a little tighter to his chest, defensive. “I… I told him no. I refused him and when he tried to push me I fought back. For once, I spilled his blood between us. And you… you took that away from me.”
“…Yes, I did.”
“He almost killed me for it. He would have, if you hadn’t shown up.”
“Aa.”
“I loved him. I thought he loved me too. I’m not sure when that changed… when things went so bad. But then with you, everything was so… so easy, it just seemed to fall into place, and I thought… I thought… but now I don’t know how much of it was even real. How much of it was really me, how much of it was really you. I’m sick to death of being used and manipulated.”
“I am… sorry that what I did hurt you,” Kaoru said carefully, staring resolutely at the ground. He knew that his eyes represented a threat right now.
Kyo eyed him critically. The older man’s stance was repentant, but he hadn’t subjugated himself. He was offering an apology without asking for forgiveness.
“But you’re not sorry that you did it.”
“No. I never wanted – or tried – to manipulate you, but… I couldn’t let you be hurt again. I just wanted to protect you from what Hakuei did, from what I am, from… everything. If I could do it all over, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing again.”
“Why are you here? Are you going to brainwash me again?”
“No, I can’t brai-” Kaoru sighed. Explaining the limits of his abilities seemed futile at this point. “Kyo, I’m sorry that I hurt you but… how could I let you know what I am without making you crazy? Without losing you?!” Kaoru shook his head, fists clenching painfully in his lap. “What I am… we’re not supposed to love; we’re creatures of lust, of corruption, it’s all we were made to be. I need you, and it scares the hell out of me… I don’t know what to do to make things right between us, but I can’t… fuck, Kyo, I can’t give you up. I know you can’t possibly feel anything for me after what you saw but I just… I had to try…”
“So, what? You want me to just let it go, come home and act like nothing has changed? You twisted my mind, stole my memories, even ones that didn’t involve you being… not human. You’re no better than Hakuei was, Kaoru!”
Kaoru stiffened with offense. “He abused you, Kyo! I just… I just wanted to keep you happy.”
“You’re right, he was violent with me. But he wasn’t sadistic; he didn’t hit me because he enjoyed it! He hit me to control me, and you’ve been controlling me too, just with…” Kyo laughed, a little wildly. “With freaky demon powers? At least Hakuei was always honest. You’ve been lying to me, this whole time! You’re lying to me right now, just being there looking… looking like that!”
Kaoru’s offense flagged some. Something seemed off about the blonde’s reaction – not quite what he’d been expecting – and he lowered his empathic shield to try to feel it out. Kyo was a little afraid of him, but not nearly so much as he had assumed. Mostly, the blonde was feeling hurt and… betrayed? It was almost as if Kyo was more upset about Kaoru deceiving him than he was about Kaoru being a demon. He wasn’t sure what that meant for his chances of getting his lover back.
“Who I am hasn’t changed. I still like the same things; I still have the same hobbies and interests. All of the time we spent together… I wasn’t acting or pretending to be anyone else. I am still Kaoru Niikura; I just… look a little different.”
“A little?!” Kyo cried with a derisive laugh, then shook his head and clenched his fists decisively. “I… I want to see the real you, right now. Face me with your own damn face; I think I deserve that much.”
Dark chocolate eyes rose, carefully. The sight of the scorpion necklace still around Kyo’s neck, and his willingness to at least talk, gave Kaoru’s heart a painful twinge of hope. He started to stand, and Kyo tensed, scrambling to his feet as well. The blonde wasn’t sure if the older man as going to leave or try to attack him somehow. Worse, he wasn’t sure which one scared him more.
But Kaoru only raised his hands disarmingly. “It’s okay, I’m not going to do anything. I just can’t change while kneeling. My knees don’t really bend that way very well.”
Kyo was confused by the statement, but only for a moment. The sound of bones and joints reshaping themselves was deeply jolting, and the blonde paled considerably as he watched the change take place. It took only a moment, and Kaoru kept his head bowed throughout, waiting for his (former?) lover to scream in terror and run away. To hate him and fear him and be disgusted for ever having touched or been touched by something so distinctly inhuman.
Instead, Kyo stared at him, for a very long time. The blonde couldn’t avoid the reality that either he was deep in the throes of some kind of schizophrenic fit, or Kaoru was actually a demon. When he did move, his motions were slow and halting; skittish, if such a quality could ever be applied to someone like him. He hesitated a few feet away from Kaoru, swallowing thickly.
“Gods… alright, just don’t… fuck… don’t move, okay?”
“I won’t.”
The blonde started to move forward again, but stopped when a sharp motion behind the taller man caught his eyes. It was almost invisible in the dark, but the long black rope that lashed behind the older man’s oddly shaped legs was clearly part of him. A hysterical little sound bubbled out of his throat as he watched the unexpected appendage twitch anxiously side to side, the tufted tip flicking with a soft swishing sound.
“Fuck me, you… you have a goddamned tail…”
Kaoru’s smile was a little sad, his ears flicking a bit as a gust of wind tickled them. “I’m sorry, I can’t really stop that from moving right now.”
“Right… alright… fuck, okay, just…”
Bare feet moved slowly into Kaoru’s vision, and he shivered as a hand brushed ever so gently over the sensitive velvet fur of one of his ears. He closed his eyes as that curious hand explored his ears, his winding horns, his long fingers with a soft touch. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone other than Toshiya had touched those parts of his true form, and he didn’t think anyone had ever done so with such care.
When that hand ran over the base of his tail, he gasped softly. The touch disappeared, and his eyes snapped open. “You don’t have to stop, it’s just… that’s a bit… sensitive.”
Kyo shook his head. Even with all the changes, even as the deadly beauty of the creature in front of him shook him to the core, he could still see Kaoru underneath it all. The demon spoke with Kaoru’s voice, and those purple eyes held the same tender affection that he’d seen in dark chocolate irises before. He remembered, still; that beautiful, alien form stretched over his own, pressed against him, pressed inside of him as fingers with too many knuckles caressed him lovingly. For the past three days he’d spent hiding out in the park, huddled under this gnarled old tree, it had been all he could think about. Somehow, though, the memory didn’t frighten him the way he knew it should have. It made his heart ache with longing.
Kyo backed up and leaned against the tree again, arms crossed uneasily over his chest. “…I feel like I’ve lost my damn mind.”
Kaoru’s ears pressed back against his skull in distress. “I’m sorry, Kyo. I never meant for things to be like this.”
“…Do you… do you really… want me? Or am I just… food?”
Kaoru fidgeted, his talons digging shallow trenches into the soft dirt as they flexed. “I suppose both. I’ve become addicted to the energy I consume from you, so I would probably starve if you left, but ultimately, you don’t even need to know I exist for me to be able to feed on you. I’ve been doing that since the first time I saw you sing. But… you’re the first human being to see or touch my true form in this lifetime. The first in several lifetimes, and you’ve kept the memory of it for several days now. I would never allow any of this if I didn’t want you. All of you.”
Kyo’s heart stuttered and clenched at the pain in his lover’s voice. They had come together on the tail of a horrible relationship, and had only been coupled for a short time, but he still felt inexorably bound to the older man. Things with Kaoru always felt safe, but deliciously sinful; easy, but passionate and exciting. The thought of leaving the man, of never seeing him smile or hearing him laugh or feeling his touch, sent a sharp, agonizing pang through his chest.
The blonde looked strained, running his fingers through his hair. “Fuck. I’ve definitely lost it. Alright. If… if this is going to continue… with us… you can’t touch my memories, my mind, ever again. No matter how much you think it might protect me, no matter how scared you are that I might leave, you don’t get to decide my life for me.”
Kaoru stepped forward carefully, slowly, and brought his hands up to touch Kyo’s face, his eyes bright with hope. “You… you still want to be together?”
“…Maybe. But you have to… I need… I need us to be equals, I need to see the real you. I can’t… I won’t be controlled, ever again, and you don’t get to lie to me with a face that isn’t yours. Do you understand? And you’re going to need to explain this incubus thing to me, because this is some very freaky bullshit!”
Kaoru bit his lip with sharp teeth. “Whatever you want, Kyo! Please… please come home with me?”
"…" Kyo took a breath and straightened, nodding decisively. “Alright. I was never meant for normal love anyway.” He gave a crooked grin. “Hell, this is probably still the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.”
Kaoru couldn’t believe his ears. “‘Love’…? You… could really love this-… what I am? Sleep beside me knowing that I can see your dreams, can manipulate them, can feed on your passion? All without losing your mind?”
Kyo leaned up to close the gap between them, brushing his lips lightly over the older man’s before pressing into them fully. The familiar mouth had changed – teeth too sharp, tongue too long – but somehow, it didn’t feel like kissing a stranger. Kaoru, his Kaoru, was still inside this foreign exterior. Too-long fingers still slid lovingly up the nape of his neck, soft black hair under sharp horns still flowed like silk over his hands. When they parted, a smile came to his face easier than he would have thought.
“I guess we’ll find out.”
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Your Sins Into Me