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Captivation	By : Rina76 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 6307 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know Bill or Tom Kaulitz or any members of Tokio Hotel and this story is a complete work of fiction; it is all made up and not true. I am not making any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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When Bill has put his own clothing back on after my outfit-swapping exercise in the conference room, he visits the bathroom and returns to their main living area to find Tom sitting on the bed, weights in each hand as usual.

“Tom, did you kiss him?” Bill asks out of nowhere.

Tom’s head whips around sharply. “What?”

“Koji, in his room last night. Did you guys kiss?”

“No!” Tom denies a little too strenuously. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. I just got the feeling something happened between you two while I was away getting the beer. Like you were making out or something.”

“We didn’t make out!”

Bill’s sharply raised right eyebrow complete with ring and sceptical forehead wrinkles forces his older sibling to cave.

“Okay, okay,” Tom relents, sighing and putting the dumbbells down. “He tried to kiss me but I didn’t let him.”

“Why not? I wouldn’t have minded.” A devious half-smirk tugs at Bill’s lips. “Actually, I think it’d be really sexy.”

In a highly unconvinced tone, Tom replies, “You’d like to see that, would you?”

“Actually, I would. Men kissing doesn’t gross me out. I’m bi, remember?”

Tom stares at Bill for a while. Then he stares at his own hands. Suddenly, he just blurts out something I never thought he’d say.

“I think I might be bi, too.”

“You?” Bill blinks at his boob-loving brother. “Tom, just because we fooled around a bit when we were drunk doesn’t make you bi. And just because I am and we’re twins, doesn’t mean you are bisexual as well.”

“I know - I don’t mean that. I’ve fooled around with another guy too. Well, it wasn’t really fooling around,” Tom mutters. “It was more like...fucking.”

“You fucked a guy?” Bill gapes at Tom in astonishment. “Who? When?”

“Koji. The other day.” Tom bravely meets his brother’s disbelieving eyes. “I fucked him, Bill. After I beat him up I fucked him.”

Bill’s shocked expression intensifies.

“Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t rape him,” Tom insists. “He asked me to!”

“He did?”

“Three times, actually. He pretty much begged for it.”

Still trying to wrap his mind around this startling news, Bill repeats slowly, “So...you had sex. With Koji.”

“Yeah.”

“And he let you.”

“Yeah.” Tom chews at his lip-ring. “I just thought you should know.”

“Okay.” As he sinks onto the bed beside his older sibling, Bill is still talking in a slow, bewildered manner. “Okay. Well...thanks for telling me.”

The younger twin gazes distractedly across the room, not focused on anything, just sorting through what Tom’s told him, Bill’s groomed eyebrows drawn together as he tries to process this shocking knowledge. There is a long silence.

Nervously toying with his piercing, Tom eventually asks, “Are you mad at me?”

“No. Not mad,” Bill murmurs absently. “I’m just a little stunned.”

Tom nods, pressing his lips together, clearly thinking about the event and how much it stunned him too, at the time. When he went into the conference room that day with me, he had no idea such a thing would happen. And neither did I, honestly. I was only going to let him beat me up. I never thought sex could just ‘happen’, without planning it or expecting it. But it did. It just happened. One minute he was choking me, the next we were fucking. It would have gone that way whether I’d asked for it or not. His cock was already hard before I even opened my mouth.

“I still can’t believe he let me do all that,” Tom mutters with a headshake. “After he said some mean things to get me pissed off, I punched him to the ground and then started laying into him with my fists, totally busting up his face. You should have seen all the blood, Bill. It was all over me. And he just laid there on the floor and took it. He didn’t even fight back. Then I was trying to strangle him and out of nowhere, he just told me to fuck him. So, I did.”

Tom swallows remorsefully, glancing down at the hands resting between his loosely spread thighs, the dumbbells on the floor between his feet.

“I was rough, Bill. Really rough. I know I hurt him pretty badly but he didn’t make me stop, even though he easily could have. He could have used those pressure points against me or simply elbowed me away but he didn’t.” Tom looks searchingly to his little brother. “Why didn’t he make me stop? What kind of person lets someone DO that to them?”

“Well, didn’t he say it was a trust-exercise? It sounds like he wanted you to get angry and vent all your rage on him. That must have been what he was letting you do,” Bill guesses, attempting to rationalise my actions, or lack thereof. “He must have been showing you that he could be trusted, that he wouldn’t retaliate or hurt you back.”

“Surely sex wasn’t supposed to be part of it,” Tom returns doubtingly. “It’s like he suddenly got off on being treated like that. For me it was more about punishing him, paying him back for every bad thing he’d ever done to us. For him, it’s like he actually...enjoyed it. He even told me that he wanted to do it again. I just don’t get it, Bill. Why is he doing all this crazy shit to us? What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t believe he’s as crazy as you think he is,” the younger twin defends. “I mean, you know his story. He’s not just some creepy pervert who does this for his own sick kicks. There’s a greater purpose behind what he’s doing. He’s trying to help us, Tom.”

“No matter what his reasoning is, no matter how nice he can be sometimes, this is still technically kidnapping,” Tom reminds his brother, gesturing to their concrete surrounds. “It’s still a crime. I know you like him, Bill, but I think you keep forgetting that.”

Bill’s only answer is to turn around and get off the bed, going to light another smoke and ignore Tom for saying things he didn’t want to hear.

………

As the day progresses, Bill goes through a gamut of emotions as what Tom told him fully sinks in. He doesn’t say much but I can see it all on his face and the expressions that cross over it. The shock and numb disbelief fades, replaced by jealousy. I know its jealousy because of the way his eyes narrow when he looks at Tom’s back as the older teen is working out with the weights. I’m not sure whether he’s more jealous that Tom had sex with me instead of with him, or that I would let Tom get that close but I won’t let Bill. Either way, he’s not very happy and feels like he missed out on something. He demands to know what exactly happened in detail and poor Tom, sounding both guilty and harassed, says over and over again that he already told Bill how it went and that he didn’t plan to do it, that if he could take it back and not have done it, he would.

Next, Bill yells at Tom for lying to him. Sounding infuriated, he says he can’t trust Tom anymore and calls his brother a couple of choice names in German. All Tom can do is say sorry, that he should have told Bill earlier. Bill says damn right he should have and angrily hurls a few objects across the room in Tom’s direction.

That angry stage is followed by a period of silence, where Bill looks confused, overwhelmed and grief-stricken, soundless tears dripping down his cheeks. He refuses any comfort from Tom, preferring to be left alone, curled up in a corner of the couch. It’s like he’s experiencing a sense of betrayal and loss, grieving for what has been taken from him, shattering his dreams of a perfect relationship. Bill should have been Tom’s first male sexual partner and instead it was me, their kidnapper. Maybe he feels as though I betrayed him too. I pushed Bill away that night he tried to seduce me in the conference room and he might be puzzled and perturbed over why I didn’t push Tom away too. The younger boy seems torn up about this because not only does he love Tom and want to be with him but he also has feelings for me and isn’t sure what to do with them. Because he’s never experienced this situation before, he’s probably wondering why he wants two people at the same time and why neither of them wants him back.

That’s not true, though. Tom wants him; he just can’t acknowledge it yet. And of course, I want him too. I’ve already told Bill that but I cannot touch him because it would ruin everything. Tom would never forgive me and Bill might turn his thoughts away from his twin and focus completely on me instead, which is not how this whole deal is supposed to go. I’m supposed to be an observer, not an active participant. Admittedly, I’ve done a lot more participating than I should have so from now on, it’s strictly watching the boys from behind a screen and no touching them, no matter how much I might wish to.

………

Later that night, when Tom has given up trying to talk to an unresponsive Bill and has drifted into a fitful sleep, the slimmer twin calls my phone, asking in a whisper to see me alone. At first I contemplate refusing, in case he has foolish plans of seducing me to get revenge on Tom but in the end my own curiosity wins out. Needing to know what he is going to say, I come to collect him at the door and escort him back to my room. He doesn’t speak to me all the way down the hall. When I invite him to take a seat on my bed, he avoids my eyes and when I catch them, he blushes uncomfortably.

“Tom told you,” I remark, as if guessing the source of his odd behaviour.

He timidly meets my gaze. “Is it true? That you two...”

“Had sex? It is.”

“Did you really ask for it?”

“I did.”

“How did you do it? Which way, I mean. Tom won’t tell me.”

Understanding that he needs to know certain details to properly deal with this knowledge, I inform him how it went, honestly and unflinchingly. “Tom was trying to choke me. I could feel his body pressed to mine and it excited me. Him too, apparently. He was hard and so was I. Then I asked him to fuck me and he did. I was on my hands and knees on the floor and he was behind me. After undoing his belt, he pulled my pants down. There was no kissing or anything; he just shoved in.”

Bill frowns. “Didn’t that hurt?”

“Yeah. But I was too turned on to care much. It was fast and fierce and over in minutes. He kept telling me how much he hated me as he was doing it. Afterwards, he was pretty shaken up, as though he couldn’t believe what he’d done.”

“Did he come?”

“Yes. Inside me. We didn’t use a condom.”

“Did you?”

“I came, yes.” Here, I pause for a second, feeling a stab of guilt. “Listen Bill, I know you wanted Tom’s first time with a guy to be with you so I completely understand if you are angry at me. I didn’t plan to rob you of that and I’m sorry. It was just one of those spur of the moment things.”

“I was angry with you when I found out,” Bill admits, “but I’m not anymore. I’d rather he’d have done it with you than some other man on the outside, somebody I’ve never met. That would really upset me, if he’d fucked a stranger and lied about it. At least I know you.”

“Tom only lied to protect you. He didn’t want you to be hurt.”

“Right,” the younger twin returns sarcastically. “Because he cares SO much about me.”

“You know he does, Bill. What Tom and I did – it doesn’t lessen his feelings for you in any way. He doesn’t love me. He barely even tolerates me,” I insist. “It didn’t mean anything to him, except as a physical release.”

“Yeah, I’m familiar with the way Tom works,” he says with bitterness. “He’s been screwing fangirls for years without calling any of them back.”

“Then you realise he still cares for you, as much as he always has. And it doesn’t change the way I feel about you, either, okay?” I cradle Bill’s delicately-featured face in my hands, gazing into his deep velvety eyes. “You know how much I care about you, don’t you?”

He sighs, nodding within my grasp. “I know. You got carried away in the heat of the moment and it was just something that happened. To be honest, I’m thankful it did because it’s starting to change Tom’s way of thinking. He’s starting to believe he could be bisexual and that’s pretty huge for him to admit.”

“I’m glad you get it.” Relieved, I tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “The last thing I want you to think is that I’m stealing Tom away from you.”

“I don’t think that. I know you still want to help us.” Bill peers at me hopefully. “Koji, can you teach him stuff? You know, sex stuff? Maybe if he knows a bit more about what to do with other guys, he might not think it’s so bad with me.”

“I don’t know, Bill.” My voice is dubious. “I’m not sure Tom will want to do that again.”

“How do you know he won’t? He wanted to do it that day. I mean, you didn’t force him to fuck you – he chose to.”

“Yeah, he did,” I concede grudgingly, “but it was only a hate-fuck, pure and simple. Now that he’s got it out of his system, I really doubt he’d go back for round two.”

“But you would?” Bill enquires. “If he wanted to?”

“Perhaps. I’d be quite happy to teach him things but I wouldn’t count on him wanting to learn.”

“What about me, then?”

I tilt my head at him, unsure what he means. “What about you?”

“Will you...will you teach me things too?” Bill courageously asks, stammering with nervousness.

“You mean, would I have sex with you?” I clarify bluntly. He reddens but confirms this with a nod.

“You’ve said that you find me attractive but it was against your rules to do anything about it,” is his reminder. “Now that you’ve broken those rules with Tom, why can’t you do the same with me?”

“What I did with Tom wasn’t romantic in any way. It wasn’t gentle. It was cold and brutal and I’d never want you involved in an experience like that.” I look at him seriously. “Bill, if we ever did it – you and me – it would be very, very different.”

“So, that’s a yes?”

Pausing, I have to think about my answer and whether I’m going to lie or be honest.

“It’s a maybe,” I finally grant, not really expecting it to eventuate. “Only after you and Tom have made love. If you do that and you still want me, AND Tom is okay with it, then maybe. But not until then.”

Pleased, Bill smiles as though it’s a done deal. “I look forward to it,” he says.

“Why do you want me, anyway? I’m old,” I return wryly, reminding him of our ten year age gap. “And broken. Don’t forget broken.”

“You’re not old. And I don’t care if you’re broken.” Softly, Bill touches my face, his eyes full of sweet compassion. “You’re still a very beautiful man. Inside and out.”

That silences me for a few moments and I stare at him, his wide-eyed chocolate gaze fearlessly locked to mine. He moistens his soft pink lips with the tip of his tongue, his slender fingers gently caressing my cheekbone. I’m so tempted to kiss him right now but I have to remind myself that he’s got Stockholm Syndrome. Even if he isn’t really falling in love with me, he still believes what he’s saying.

“Thank you. It’s been a long time since anybody’s said anything like that to me,” I confess, my words sounding rough and strained. “Now, you’d better stop touching me and get out of here, before I take something from you that belongs to Tom.”

“No,” Bill answers thoughtfully, removing his hand. “It belongs to ME. And I’ll give it to whomever I choose.”

………

After he’s gone back to his own room, I’m still thinking about what Bill said. I truly hope he chooses to give it to Tom. I do not deserve something as precious as Bill’s virginity. And anyway, I don’t see Tom ever being okay about me sleeping with his little brother, before or after they hook up, so it’s not even a remote possibility for me. I should stop dreaming and accept reality. Me and Bill Kaulitz? Not gonna happen. Me and Tom? Not a chance in hell, either. No matter how many twins I kidnap, I’ll always be alone in the end.

Oh well, at least I have the voices in my head to keep me company.
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Captivation