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Breaking Through	By : gardenrose Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 4056 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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“Are we gonna have that hour of truth now or what?” Daniel was the first one to break the silence smiling a weak encouraging smile at his friend.

There was no sound from Darren and with his head hanging down, it was hard to tell what is going on in his mind.

“Why did you move here with me? Aren’t you married any more, Darren?”

Darren looked up at Daniel and seemed so very distant and cold. He had obviously made a decision about something and it made him all guarded about it.
He got up off the floor and made a quick trip to the kitchen where to Daniel’s surprise he picked two beers and on the way back also took a hold of his poetry book.
He sat down back on the floor, handed Daniel a beer, took a sip of his own bottle and opened the book. He started reading, very quietly, very softly, Daniel had to lean into him to be able to hear.

I wanna become your shadow
You could never get rid of me
You couldn’t forbid my existence
You couldn’t make a single step without me
You couldn’t just shut the door
Or turn your back to me
I would become a part of you
Every morning with every down
Every night every single dusk
I would come to you with the moon
I would simply be living your life
You’d get used to me very soon
You could never get rid of me
Couldn’t choose somebody else
You couldn’t forbid my existence
Unless you’d want to get rid of yourself

Daniel watched Darren’s fingers nervously turning some pages in his little book full of his thoughts. He couldn’t quite make it out yet what was being told him. It didn’t quite fit what he had thought this conversation is gonna turn into… Darren continued reading…

Maybe the dream is over
And maybe life’s too short
For finding out
But what you don’t know can’t hurt

Some things are always better
Just to keep out of your head
Out of your caring hands
Something just left unsaid

If you never know them
You call ‘em simply love
If you have noticed
Say you never have dreamed of…

What is forever?
I won’t go away
The look in your eyes
It can always happen today

I look in your eyes
And I feel again
I know you will hold my hand
I just don’t know when

I look at your face
And I feel
Your arms around me
It’s frightening real

I know it will be all right
I know you’ll be near
I don’t know why
I am having this fear

Looking in your eyes
Should be easiest thing to be done
It’s just … I’m afraid when I’m ready
You’ll be already gone…

Daniel listened to those words and for a moment forgot about where he was and who’s mouth was speaking them. He was suddenly far away.
He looked at the sad & lonely figure next to him and was thinking of those sad & lonely nights he spent in this very apartment wishing that man in his life… In his life, not in his living room…

With a gentle touch to the shoulder Daniel made Darren stop reading. He was just so full of questions but they were all gone with one look of Darren’s blue eyes staring at him under the black silk of what was his hair now. Daniel raised his hand to take the hair away from Darren’s face and softly run a back of his hand over his pale cheek.

“This is why I moved here. This is why I am hardly married any more,” Darren whispered so quietly Daniel had to lean into him ever closer. “You’re breaking my heart Daniel by not loving me the same way I’m loving you. You’re breaking my heart every day.”

Seemed like his guard was down. He wasn’t holding it back. A tear escaped Darren’s painfully blue eyes and Daniel touched it gently with a tip of his finger, not really brushing it away.

“I’d never thought I could make you cry for real,” Daniel said quietly.

Darren leaned back against the sofa and took a hold of his beer. Damn, a thought run through Daniel’s head. Gone. It passed. He just let the moment pass. Darren was miles away now.

“Your turn, Danny…” he looked at him without any real expectation in his eyes. Just looked.
Daniel realised there wasn’t really anything to tell, after all those beautiful words that had just dropped off Darren’s lips. All he had to do was kiss those lips and make it happen. Something he had actually craved for so long.

“I am gay, I suppose that isn’t a big secrow, ow, is it ?” he said finally with a little smile. He sipped his beer again and looked questioningly at Darren thinking what should happen next.

“Daniel…”

It had to be done now. Daniel felt Darren slipping out of his fingers, moving away from him, he reached out his hand but he was too late. Darren was gone.

“Daniel, I think I owe a trip to my wife.” He was already up and looking for something to wear.

“I trust you to choose the pics tomorrow. Please… do it for me”

Daniel nodded his head.
He had missed it. The chance when they were really so close.

As soon as Darren was out of the door, he got up and started walking through his living room, making his way to the window and back to the sofa and then to the window again. For how long he did that he didn’t know. His clinched fists hanging helplessly by his sides – what had happened? Why?

He wasn’t really sure what happened but he also wasn’t sure if they will ever be that close again as they were at that very moment their eyes met and he touched Darren’s face...

Darren loved him?
Or was he just checking the waters?
He hadn’t been with a man before.
How did he know he loved him?
Or was Daniel just presuming now that Darren had never been with man before?
Why did he go back to Colby now?
Is he doing a run on him like he did a run on Colby when he came to Daniel?
Why did he have to run now?
His normal way of sorting things out… Run?
So many questions.

So many questions.

He was still full of them the next day looking through the photos and it was clearing up slowly… He was seeing it in their eyes. Suddenly something very evident was there as he looked at their lowered gazes and stiffened postures.
A picture of Darren leaning against the wall behind Daniel and Daniel leaning into a camera – Darren’s eyes fixed on the back of Daniel’s neck with such a fire in them… A hand on a shoulder – a grip of his hand so gentle…
A look over the shoulder …
A head turned…A gesture…
There were tons of pictures answering all Daniel’s questions.
God, how long he has been so in love with this man??? How long he had looked at him that way? Why it was never breaking through in him?

Darren called after 3 days doing his predictable tactics of pretending that nothing has happened.
Daniel felt a throbbing pain of jealousy hearing Colby’s cheerful voice in the background. God, who’s breaking hearts here, he thought… He definitely hasn’t gone home to say goodbye or even to talk about something that he now pretends never happened anyways.
Daniel told him about the cover and also more details about the single. It was to be released in upcoming few weeks. They’d have to go to some radio stations after the song picks up if it ever picks up and something else planned but it all depends on how it picks up, so they just have to be ready…
Daniel couldn’t believe that now of all times Darren did that run on him, when they were so close to something they both had worked for all the last 2 years and dreams they have shared together and everything they had … written… and all the things they had done… And it is all so close you just reach out and the world is just about to take them in… and Darren is not there with him to receive it… Daniel’s thought where elsewhere when he realised they both had fell silent.

“Are you coming back?” Daniel asked in the calmest voice he could manage.

“We finished recording…” Darren answered too quickly … almost like he had rehearsed it before.

“Are you running on me?”

“What are you talking about, Daniel?”

”Please come back, I need to tell you so many things…”

“I will. Just not now… You gotta … “ he paused for so long Daniel thought he is actually gone, “give me time…”

“of course” Daniel whispered. He hang up. Over, once again it was over.

Daniel sat down and opened Darren’s poetry book … Still there where he left it on their couch. He took a pen and scrambled down some random thoughts running through his head.

You shake me
Break me
Take me over
But when it stops
I am alone

He was missing Darren so much he couldn’t make any sense of it. All he knew was that he heart was numb with pain.

Daniel saw Darren’s car on the street. 3 weeks. He was back. He wasn’t sure what would meet him up at the apartment. Darren coming back or Darren packing his stuff? He didn’t hurry up the stairs wanting to prolong the feeling of having Darren come back to him.

He walked in and found Darren standing over his open poetry book, a bunch of their photo session pictures in his hands.
He was looking at the photos quickly, throwing on the floor the ones he had already seen.

Darren heard the door close but didn’t react. Daniel came over to him from behind and put his arms around him, pressing his body hard against the man who was his best friend just montmonth ago… he didn’t know any more who he was… He put his lips very softly on Darren’s bare flesh at the back of his neck and froze with sensation of finally having Darren’s soft skin under his mouth.

When Daniel’s mind snapped back to reality again he realised Darren didn’t even acknowledge his presence and Daniel stepped back.

“What do you see on these pictures?” Darren asked in icy voice, “Do you see what I see? A person turned into a whore? A singer made into a drag queen posing her bare feelings into a camera? On an arm of a lover? Drooling there? What happened – who could have stopped this?”

God he was actually accusing him…. Daniel could not believe what he was hearing.

“Excuse me?” he was ready to scream for the whole world to hear, “Darren?????? It was your dream! You made it happen! You earned this chance and you were more than happy to turn into whatever no questions asked! You gave them what they wanted to see. Your fucking dream coming true!”

Darren finally turned around, a pain expression all over his face.
He wasn’t accusing Daniel. He had merely been talking to himself…

“It didn’t just take away who I am. It took away you. It turned me into something else and everything changed with you. You can’t even look into my eyes, can you? It took away the best I’ve had…”

He isn’t making sense, Daniel thought. He was not making any sense. And he was leaving again. Damn it, Daniel! Don’t let him leave again!

He caught up with Darren by the door and slammed it closed just in front of him. Darren backed off a step. He looked like a hunted animal, eyes burning with desire to get free.
I’ll set you free, Daniel sighed to himself, grabbing Darren’s arms by wrists and slowly backing him against the wall. He raised their hands above Darren’s head and pressed their bodies hard into the wall and into each other.
Darren’s eyes pleaded to be set free. He wanted to be let go. He wanted to be released from the tight hold. And he wanted it even tighter.
Daniel brushed his lips over Darren’s several times before Darren’s lips finally opened to Daniel’s touch. He felt such a bitter sweet taste finally kissing that beautiful mouth that not so long ago spoke to him about love for a very brief few minutes that changed their life… Daniel was going to show him love.
His tongue slipped into Darren’s mouth and they both moaned softly at the feeling.

Daniel let go of Darren’s hands and they immediately laid on the back of Daniel’s neck, pulling him even closer. Like that was possible! Daniel’s hands travelled down Darren’s chest slowly unbuttoning his short and Darren sed red reflecting Daniel’s movements. Their shirts fell on the floor over the photographs that had documented their passion before they recognised it themselves.

Daniel broke the kiss and whispered into Darren’s neck, “bedroom”…
Darren into Daniel’s bare shoulder “I want you”…
Daniel’s against Darren’s chest “oh baby how I missed you”…
All while they stumbled their way into the bedroom and Darren was literally thrown on the bed with Daniel landing on top of him quickly getting a hold of his mouth again for a rough kiss.
They melted into each other’s bodies and their liberated feelings were all in their joined mouths now. Loosing the sense of time. How long it’s been since Daniel had lost the sense of time? How long had it been for Darren? How long had he been thinking of this?
His lips travelled down Darren’s throat, nibbling on his skin and whispering all his passion into the bareness of his lover’s flesh.
Daniel’s hand reached for Darren’s fly and he felt the man stiffen under him uncomfortably. He raised his head and fixed his eyes on Darren’s face. They were both panting heavily.
Slowly opening a button on Darren’s jeans he was looking for a sign of reassurance from him. “I’ve never been with a man before, Danny…” Darren breathed into Daniel’s ear, shifting his upper body slightly up on his elbows.
Daniel let his hand gently rest on Darren’s crotch feeling the heat of fully erect cock through the rough material of his jeans. He smiled slyly at Darren, “I know my love, but we are just about to fix it”.
He noted that sparkle of desire in Darren’s eyes that he had been waiting for. He pulled the zipper down and pushed Darren back into pillows, whispering all over Darren’s beautiful face, kissing every word, “I will make it… heaven for you, baby, I will… take care of you, let me …take care of you, baby… let yourself … lose … control…”
And Darren lost it. He lost every bit of control he had. He was all giving in this amazing feeling that took over his mind and his body when Daniel licked his way down to his nipples, his stomach, his navel, when Daniel run his tongue over his inner tights, when Daniel put his hot mouth over his painful erection, when Daniel let his tongue to caress his opening, when he felt Daniel’s gentle stretching fingers inside of him, when he looked his lover he ehe eyes when Daniel was deep inside of him, massaging his own erection against his prostate… Everything about that lovemaking was losing control. Daniel hadn’t lied – he took him to heaven. Heaven that Darren didn’t even know existed. He was lying in Daniel’s arms still somehow sore and aching from experience but happier and more complete than he had ever felt in his life when the phone rang.
“Please let it ring”, Darren pleaded. He didn’t want to lose the embrace he was so comfortable in. The answering machine picked up the following message: “Boys, whatever you are up to, you should leave it right now and make your way to the office. The mid week sales suggest you are going to be number one”. Their embrace tightened and little giggles leaded to some more out of control lovemaking.
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Breaking Through