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Diplomatic Relations	By : jai Category: Individual Celebrities > Athlete/Sports Misc Views: 3147 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the people written about in this fanfiction. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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December 2, 2008 Maastricht to New York City

G: Pieter?
P: Hi. I woke you up didn’t I?
G: No, I’m normally awake at 4 am. What’s on your mind?
P: I’m sorry, I’ll call back later.
G: Didn’t I tell you to call anytime? I’m just being a smart ass and now I’m awake so talk. What are you doing?
P: I’m sitting in my little office and I’m supposed to be looking over charts.
G: You have an office?
P: Don’t sound so shocked. And five of us share it so it’s not that big of a deal. How was your flight?
G: I got kicked into first class so it was rather nice. I did a couple of hours at the car show yesterday and I go back this afternoon. The Mercedes people are very schmoozy.
P: Just how did you get a Mercedes sponsorship?
G: A gentleman never tells.
P: Grant!
G: (laughing) God, Pieter you do outrage so well. No actually it’s a new marketing thing. They know I’m gay, gay men have money to spare – blah blah blah. I’m just not supposed to go stand by the big SUVs since gay men supposedly don’t buy them. That’s a crock because those behemoths are all about who has the biggest dick and what gay man doesn’t want to play that game?
P: (laughing) Now you’re just trying to shock me.
G: It’s good to hear you laugh. The show has been fun. I got to wander around and check out all the neat cars. I even met a few NASCAR drivers and got an invitation to Daytona to drive one of the race cars.
P: Oh. That sounds like fun. What about your hotel?
G: I love this little place. I’m staying in the eighth floor in the Biographies room. I would have really liked the Encyclopedia room but it only has a full sized bed. It’s still very cool and I spent last night reading a few chapters of this and a few chapters of that.
P: You didn’t have dinner?
G: I walked over to Grand Central and ate at the Oyster Bar. I think I made a pig of myself but the raw oysters were so good. I tried the beer sampler too so that was interesting. Not all American beer is bad.
P: What’s a beer sampler?
G: They set up five to twenty shot glasses of draft beer on a tray. There are labels on the tray so you know what you’re drinking but it gives you a good taste of the varieties. I did the fifteen shots; seven of them were total piss, five were tolerable and three that I would try again. And I only drank a pint total really.
P: That is a good idea. What are you doing today?
G: The hotel has a continental breakfast in the Reading Room but I might venture out and walk around for a while. The Christmas decorations really seem to jazz this place up.
P: Are there any signs of the Games?
G: Yes, in fact I was frightened by a billboard in Times Square. Does anyone really need to see Phelpsie’s ears blown up to that scale? There were children crying in the streets.
P: (laughing) Grant that is so cruel. True but cruel. Oh, that’s my page. I’ll call you in a few days.
G: All right Pieter. Take care of yourself.

December 7, 2008 Maastricht to Whistler, Canada

G: Hello Pieter!
P: Hi Grant. I didn’t wake you up this time.
G: No you didn’t. I just got back to my room.
P: But it’s just after nine there. Or did I get the time wrong?
G: No that’s right but the breakfast buffet started at seven and I was starving.
P: So how is Vancouver?
G: It was fine when I saw it yesterday but I got in, realized I had almost three days free, drove up to Whistler and here I am.
P: Whistler? Oh, I’ve always wanted to ski there. How’s the snow?
G: There’s a lot of it. I don’t downhill but went out yesterday on a great cross country trail. If you ever come here you have to take the ziptrek. You take a zip line from platform to platform over the most incredible scenery. It was fantastic and I’m not a fan of heights either.
P: If you don’t like heights, why did you do it?
G: Because it looked like fun and once I opened my eyes, it wasn’t so bad.
P: Wasn’t it cold?
G: Yes it was. I think my balls are still defrosting actually.
P: (laughing) Grant!
G: What? That is what you wanted to know.
P: True. So what are you doing today?
G: I’m going on a snowmobile tour at ten thirty. It’s a three hour trip, with lunch on a glacier. Then I’ll make a complete fool of myself at a snowshoeing lesson, have dinner and if I’m still awake they have a moonlight gondola thing at eight.
P: Sounds like a packed day.
G: I know and it’s sort of ridiculous because the town isn’t going anywhere and I could come back some time but I never got to do all this crazy tourist stuff before.
P: I know what you mean.
G: So how are you?
P: Okay. Well. Not really.
G: What’s wrong?
P: I’m lonely I suppose. It’s a different kind of lonely and I’m just trying to adjust.
G: Are you spending Christmas with your folks?
P: No. I’m covering for colleagues that week so I’ll be at the hospital most of the time. I arranged that weeks ago so I could avoid the whole where are we spending Christmas thing and now I’m stuck. My parents are disappointed but I can’t really face them right now.
G: Why not?
P: Well I’d have to tell them.
G: Oh. You haven’t?
P: Obviously not. It’s just so – stupid. Big fancy wedding and divorcing a month later. Well, getting divorced but of course that’s not going to be that easy. She’s contesting and wants piles of money.
G: You were expecting that.
P: I know but I’d like for once for something to be easy. I shouldn’t complain but-
G: Why shouldn’t you complain? You’ve had a rough break. You’re entitled to bitch and moan and carry on but only for a year or two. You can’t do it forever or I just have to stop talking to you.
P: So there’s a time limit? What if I find something else to bitch about?
G: That would be different. Different bitches get different time limits.
P: What kind of time limits?
G: If you stub your toe and it’s all your fault, fifteen minutes. If you lose your dog, your wife, your house, your parents, your job, not more than two appendages and all your hair you get five years but only if all happens in the same week.
P: That’s good to know.
G: So how are you sleeping? Are you eating well?
P: (exaggerated sigh) Yes Mother Hen. I sleep but not well and I force myself to eat sometimes but its early days. Do you think I should see a psychologist?
G: Uh. Well. Do you think you should?
P: Very funny. No, my advisor mentioned it. Said I seemed a little depressed lately.
G: Well, have you been?
P: I really don’t know. I feel like I’ve been down for a while.
G: Does your advisor know?
P: No. I told the head resident in confidence. Damn. I guess I should tell him now.
G: You really should. I know it’s not something you really want to share with people but I’m assuming your advisor is a trained medical professional?
P: Yes.
G: Then maybe if he knew what was going on, he wouldn’t think this depression is coming out of nowhere. Most newlyweds aren’t depressed you know. It usually takes a couple of years for reality to sink in.
P: One would think you don’t approve of marriage.
G: It’s not that; I got an invitation from Kent. Well, an email telling me to save the date for his commitment ceremony.
P: Oh. I’m sorry Grant. So uh, do you know the other, uh, groom?
G: No. It’s someone he met in Sydney.
P: But you probably won’t attend.
G: Probably not. I think it would be rather awkward although I’m sure I’ll send a lovely gift.
P: Speaking of wedding gifts. Do you want yours back?
G: What? No. Why would I?
P: Because I’m going to have to send everything back eventually. I only took them because I knew Minouche would not return them as is proper.
G: Actually I think as long as you go through with the ceremony, they’re technically yours.
P: And they’re all lovely but really, I couldn’t.
G: I saw you fondling that pan thing; you want to keep them don’t you?
P: That ‘pan thing’ as you call it is a lovely copper crepe pan from Lenny.
G: You are setting up a new household so I don’t think anyone would begrudge you the gifts, Pieter. You can certainly keep the candy dish I sent you.
P: Thank you because I love that piece. What made you get it?
G: Remember when we went scuba diving with Thorpey and Klimmy? The way that sea turtle kept following us around? How could I pass up a crystal turtle shell dish? It reminded me of how great that trip was.
P: That was a great trip. (laughs) God, remember how Michael fell off the boat?
G: (laughing) Yes! And Ian trying to talk us into not going back for him?
P&G: (together) ‘It’s not like the man can’t swim and we’re only five miles from the beach!’
G: (laughing) But Klimmy got his revenge with the crocodile thing later. I’ve never seen Ian run so fast.
P: (laughing harder) You’d think he would have pulled his pants up first though, would have been quicker.
G: (laughing then coughing) God!
P: Grant, are you okay?
G: (clearing his throat, coughing again) Yes, I’d just taken a drink of my coffee.
P: Sorry.
G: No you’re not but that’s okay. You know, we really should go back there some time. Now we’d all be able to do the white water rafting.
P: That sounds like fun but Ian does not get to drive the next time.
G: Agreed. Oh heck. It’s after ten and I need to get a move on.
P: Ah the snowmobiling. Have fun, Grant.
G: I will. Take care of yourself Pieter.
P: You too, Grant.

December 10, 2008 Maastricht to Vancouver, CAN

G: Grant Hackett, international man of mystery and intrigue
P: Don’t those two words mean the same thing?
G: I don’t have my thesaurus handy but you could be right. How are you Pieter, isn’t it rather late there?
P: Yes but I can’t sleep. I have tomorrow off to sleep in though. What are you doing?
G: I’m in the lounge at the airport waiting for my flight. What did you eat today?
P: Crepes with eggs.
G: That’s all? Pieter, you need to eat regular meals.
P: I know and that was for dinner. I had a salad for lunch and a roll with juice for breakfast. Did I ever thank you for programming my computer to pop up those little reminders?
G: You don’t sound very grateful.
P: Perhaps if I knew how to turn it off, I could express myself properly.
G: Control X from the mail menu.
(silence)
P: You gave that up much too easily.
G: Well okay. Just go to your mail program, click on tools and click on add ins. It should list the memo program.
P: What would Control X do?
G: Transfer all your funds into my secret Swiss bank account.
P: (laughing) You’re good but you aren’t that good.
G: I made you laugh!
P: Yes you did and thank you, I needed that.
G: Bad day?
P: Yes. One of my patients is very ill with meningitis.
G: Oh Pieter. I’m so sorry to hear that.
P: Me too. She’s showing improvement but its still touch and go. I’ve been at the hospital the last three days and I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep.
G: Would you like me to tell you a bedtime story?
P: Ah no. In fact, that idea frightens me.
G: (laughing) I know a lovely story about a bunny.
P: If it’s the one with the Playboy Bunny, I’ve already heard it you pervert. Where are you headed?
G: The frozen tundra also known as Ann Arbor, Michigan.
P: Ah, the 2008 Harassment Tour.
G: That’s the one. The fun part is that they don’t know I’m coming.
P: You don’t think the rain of toads and plague of locusts tipped them off?
G: (laughing) Ian won’t know for sure until the rivers turn to blood but in that icebound hellhole, how could they tell?
P: Says the man who just went zipping through the frigid air of Canada.
G: I’m going to tell them I was in Jamaica.
P: (laughing) You have to tell me how long it takes them to catch on. What time does your flight leave?
G: I have ten minutes. I’m sorry to say it but I’m going to have to get over there. Now before we hang up, do you promise to try to get some sleep?
P: I promise. Have a good flight, Grant.
G: Thanks and take care of yourself.
P: You too.

December 17, 2008 Maastricht to Tokyo, Japan

G: Pieter! How are you?
P: I’m fine. How are you? Where are you? Did I wake you?
G: I’m fine, in Tokyo and no you didn’t but it must be after midnight there.
P: Yes, it’s twenty after. That’s eight twenty there, yes?
G: Yes it is and I’m sitting here having eggs, waffles, bacon and wonderful tea while staring at Mount Fuji.
P: I’m sitting in front of the TV eating three day old leftovers and choking down cold coffee.
G: Pieter. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-
P: Grant, I’m just teasing you. The leftovers are from a very good restaurant and I’m only drinking the coffee because I’m too lazy get up and pour another cup. The TV is off and I’m working on some patient files.
G: Well you really had me there for a minute. So I suppose you’ve been busy at the hospital?
P: Yes, there’s a lot of flu going around. We’ve all been working double shifts, those of us that aren’t sick anyway.
G: Have you been sick?
P: I did a few days in bed with it but recovered quickly because I didn’t try to work through it.
G: I’m sorry to hear that you were sick. I wish I would have known.
P: There was nothing you could have done and I’m all better now. So what have you been doing?
G: Well, yesterday I got up early and went to the fish market then spent the rest of the day at the ad agency followed by the most fantastic Kaiseki. We’re doing the commercial today and then I’m going shopping tomorrow in Akihabara followed by a visit to the baths.
P: It sounds like you’re going to be busy.
G: Yes especially since I haven’t gotten around to buying Christmas presents this year. Hey, guess what?
P: What?
G: My advisor approved my topic.
P: Congratulations! What will are you writing about?
G: Australian investing in the United States. What works and why, what doesn’t work and why. You get the picture.
P: Does that mean you’ll be spending time in the States?
G: Not necessarily. I might have to go to over there to do a few interviews but I could probably get most of the research sent to me. Aside from the flu, how are things going?
P: Eh. There’s nothing new on the divorce front although I’m not the only one who hasn’t told their relatives. I got a message from my soon-to-be-former brother-in-law asking me if I would be interested in investing in his llama farm.
G: He has a llama farm?
P: He would if I would just front him two hundred thousand Euros.
G: Ouch. He was serious?
P: I don’t know but I’m not calling him back to find out. And I am going to tell my parents but after Christmas.
G: I didn’t say anything.
P: You were thinking about it.
G: My god! Where did you develop your amazing mind reading powers?
P: Ha ha. I’m not a mind reader, you’re just predictable.
G: Huh. I need to work on that.
P: So how was your visit to the frozen tundra?
G: Michael asked me why I didn’t have a tan. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down.
P: Ah ha! Foisted on your own custard!
(silence)
G: Hoisted on my own petard?
P: Yes, whatever. So how are they?
G: Busy. Between studying for finals, trying to research neighborhoods in Philadelphia and the whole ‘where will we have our wedding?’ trauma, it was quite entertaining.
P: They still haven’t decided on a venue?
G: No. All they know is it will be somewhere in Canada.
P: And what’s in Philadelphia?
G: Oh. I guess you didn’t hear. Ian’s going to grad school at Wharton and Michael’s starting at Arcadia’s Doctorate of Physical Therapy program – both in the fall.
P: I thought Michael was graduating with a business degree?
G: He is. Do you want to hear about it?
P: Sure.
G: Michael started looking into massage classes because of Ian’s migraines. He started talking to someone at the hospital about it and then realized he really didn’t want to go around touching a bunch of strangers and then Nancy let him sit in on some of her sessions with her patients. Michael decides that he wants to be a physical therapist. He’ll have to take classes next summer since he’s missing some science classes but he should be Dr. Phelps before New York.
P: And it’s only taken me how many years?
G: Well, Michael will be the first one to tell you that he won’t be using the title.
P: So that means you used it the whole time you were there.
G: But of course. Like I’m going to miss out on that?
P: So I gather Arcadia is in or near Philadelphia?
G: I’m still not sure exactly where it is but it’s in the area.
P: Were they surprised to see you?
G: Yes but they recovered nicely. They were studying most of the time but I borrowed Michael’s pimpmobile and saw all of the sites. Then in the afternoon …
P: (laughing) It can’t be that bad. It’s a college town after all.
G: No it wasn’t. They even took me to this dance club on Friday night for Pride Night.
P: Did you dance?
G: Oh yes. It was good sweaty fun and there quite a few cute young things hanging around.
P: Ah. How cute and young?
G: Too young for me. My debauchery days are behind me and they all had to go study the next day anyway. And you know underclassmen. I did meet Michael and Ian’s personal tattooist.
P: Wait. Ian Thorpe got a tattoo? He put ink on his perfectly pristine flesh?
G: (laughing) And don’t think I didn’t throw that back in his face. I’m not sure but I think he had it before that meet in Portugal.
P: I had a lot on my mind then. What and where?
G: The tat? It’s a cute dolphin on his right ass cheek. Want to hear the best part?
P: Okay.
G: Michael has a matching one!
P: (laughing) You’re kidding. Please tell me you’re kidding.
G: (laughing) I know. Can you believe it?
P: Not really. (laughing) Ian was always so funny about tattoos.
G: Tell me about it. I don’t think he’s gone totally over the edge though. He’s not talking about getting another one. Yet.
P: (laughing) Oh stop. I can’t get used to the fact that he got one.
G: Oops! Pieter, that’s the room phone and I’ll bet it’s my escort for the shoot.
P: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to keep you on the phone.
G: Don’t apologize. I like talking to you. Take care Pieter.
P: I will and you too.

December 24, 2008 Gold Coast to Maastricht

P: Hello?
G: Merry Christmas Pieter!
P: Grant I should have known it was you.
G: Did the ring tone give it away?
P: How did you manage to get ‘Advance Australia Fair’ on there?
G: That’s for me to know and for you to find out. How have you been?
P: Good. Looking forward to the end of my internship and looking for a place in Geldrop.
G: Oh. What are you going to do then?
P: Well I’m not sure. I want to spend some time with my parents but I don’t think I want to complete my residency here.
G: Michael mentioned you were looking at schools in the States.
P: Oh. Well yes I was but -. I’m not sure it’s a good idea anymore.
G: Why not?
(silence)
P: I just don’t think I’m ready for that sort of adventure. Um. I started talking to one of the psychologists at the hospital.
G: Oh. Well good for you.
P: I don’t know about that. It’s funny how you don’t realize how many problems you have until someone starts pointing them out.
G: I thought that was my job!
P: (laughing) But I needed the professional touch.
G: Seriously though. How are you?
P: Good. I wish Minouche would knock off some of her antics but I’m not responsible for her behavior.
G: What has she done?
(silence)
G: Pieter?
P: She called up my parents and told them I was beating her. She didn’t come right out and say that of course but she said just enough.
G: Pieter, I’m so sorry. What did your parents do?
P: (small laugh) My mother hung up on her and then called Minouche’s parents and told them their daughter was not only insane but ‘the biggest fucking liar this side of the Great Wall of China’.
G: Way to go, Astrid!
P: The only upside is that telling my parents about the divorce wasn’t so bad. Well my mother is fine but my father hasn’t really said much.
G: He’ll come around.
P: Well that’s why I want to move back to Geldrop for a while. It would also be better if I wasn’t here when Minouche finds out that I will not be paying to renew the rental on the house.
G: Can you do that?
P: Mark says that I can. Minouche doesn’t need a four bedroom house and we didn’t live there long enough for it to be considered a primary residence. Wait, I don’t think that’s right but something like that. Anyway, I will pay for a small apartment but not a big house.
G: When is that happening?
P: In March.
G: And you’re moving then?
P: Yes.
G: Then I’ll come help.
P: You want to come help me move?
G: Isn’t that what I just said?
P: You don’t have to do that.
G: Hey, what else do I have to do and I think you owe me.
P: Hang on here. You’re helping me move because I owe you? I don’t follow.
G: If I help you move then I’m entitled to a home cooked meal.
P: Ah. How silly of me not to sneak out your motives. Grant I will be happy to cook for you.
G: Thank you Pieter.
P: So are you at home?
G: Yes, back in my room at my parents’ house.
P: It’s not Christmas there yet.
G: No but its Christmas there and I hadn’t heard from you for a few days. Are you at the hospital?
P: Actually no I’m not. I worked until three am and came right home to sleep.
G: But I didn’t wake you up?
P: No I woke up an hour ago to eat. Aren’t you proud of me, Mother Hen?
G: I am indeed.
P: Do you really want to come and help me move?
G: Of course Pieter.
P: But surely you’ll be writing your thesis.
G: I have a laptop and I like to travel. When do you have to go back to the hospital?
P: At midnight. Now I know what you’re going to say next.
G: You do?
P: ‘Pieter, go back to sleep’.
G: I really am predictable.
P: (laughing) Yes you are and I’m actually going to take your unspoken advice.
G: And I’m powerful too!
P: (laughing) Say ‘goodnight Pieter’.
G: Goodnight Pieter. Merry Christmas.
P: Merry almost Christmas to you too.

January 2, 2009 Maastricht to Gold Coast

G: Happy New Year Pieter!
P: Happy New Year to you too Grant. Do you have a hang over?
G: No. I was a good boy and spent the night at home. How about you?
P: I was at the hospital. Many people really should not drink; it makes them do silly things like try to balance on the edges of the balcony.
G: Oh that doesn’t sound good.
P: It wasn’t. Broken collarbone and a concussion. No brain damage but then, I’m not sure he had a brain. Ah, I am such a bad doctor.
G: You are not. There are enough illnesses and diseases out there without someone pulling stupid stunts like that.
P: Well enough about me. What did you get for Christmas?
G: A radio controlled racing car from my brother, a stack of books from Mum and a new camera from Dad. How about you?
P: You know what I got and thank you. The pastries and coffees were really appreciated and I am a hero to my coworkers.
G: Good. I know how hard you all work and everyone deserves something nice.
P: You were pretty sneaky though, finding out when I would be there.
G: It wouldn’t have counted if you weren’t there.
P: Can I ask you something?
G: Of course.
P: I know you probably have caller ID like I do on that phone but what’s the ring tone when I call?
G: Nothing as trite as ‘The Wilhelmus’.
P: My national anthem is trite?
G: Of course not but that’s what you would be expecting.
P: I see. So I have to guess?
G: Yes but I doubt you’ll get it. How about this? You get one guess per phone call.
P: Oh a game. Okay. Hm. Does my guess have to be a song title?
G: No and that doesn’t count as your guess.
P: Thank goodness. Does it have something to do with turtles?
G: No. So, are you at home?
P: Yes. I actually have the whole day off, can you believe it?
G: No I can not. What are you going to do with your day?
P: I have to meet with Mark this afternoon but I was planning on cleaning, dropping off my laundry and getting groceries before that. After my meeting I am taking my brother and sister to dinner.
G: That sounds nice.
P: Now you mean, ‘Why Pieter that sounds so normal!’
G: No I didn’t.
P: It crossed your mind. Anyway, I feel more normal so I don’t mind. I’ve had several sessions with Dr. de Zeeuw and it helps. Talking to you helps. I didn’t realize how I had stopped talking to people.
G: I’m glad that you’re feeling better than. Do you want to hear the latest news from Ian and Michael?
P: Why not, they’re always good for a laugh.
G: They’ve decided on where they’re going to have their wedding.
P: And?
G: What and?
P: That can’t be the only thing or you wouldn’t have mentioned it.
G: No it’s not. They’re renting a cruise ship.
(silence)
P: No really.
G: Pieter, I’m not joking and that’s not even the best part.
P: What’s the best part?
G: Speedo is paying for it.
P: What? Really?
G: Really.
P: How the hell did they swing that?
G: Michael and Ian are doing a seminar of some sort on board in New York and then they’re kicking those people off and the wedding will begin.
P: Where does the cruise go?
G: Canada. They’re getting married off the coast of Nova Scotia near a little town named Sydney.
P: Aw. Isn’t that – well, rather nauseating actually.
G: I agree but then they sort of have that vibe.
P: Grant we’re horrible people.
G: I know but it’s so much fun. Do you mind if I give them your new address for the invitation? Well, once you have one?
P: Um. When’s the wedding?
G: Take one guess.
P: Would that be in August?
G: That would be correct.
P: I suppose you can give them my address then.
G: Thank you.
(yawn)
P: Grant, good heavens. It’s two am there. I’m so sorry.
G: Don’t worry about it, I was up anyway but I guess I should go to bed.
P: Yes you should.
G: So I will. Good night Pieter.
P: Good night Grant. Sleep tight.

January 4, 2009 Gold Coast to Maastricht

P: Hi Grant.
G: Hi Pieter, is this a bad time?
P: No but I can’t talk for long, I’ve got a patient coming back from x-ray. What’s up?
G: Oh. Well I’ll make it quick. Do you have a blue sweatshirt in your things that you don’t recognize?
P: Yes. Oh, that’s yours?
G: Yes.
P: Well I was wondering where I got a Queensland University of Technology t-shirt from. Do you want me to send it to you?
G: No need. I just missed it today when I unpacked so I can pick it up in March.
P: Okay. I won’t ask about why you are just now unpacking. Can I call you back tomorrow?
G: Sure. I’ve got a run planned to the library but I’ll go afterwards.
P: Talk to you then. Wait! Does it have something to do with swimming?
G: No.

January 5, 2009 Maastricht to Gold Coast

G: Hi Pieter
P: Hi. You sound out of breath. Is this a bad time?
G: No. I just came in from a run. How has your day been?
P: Pretty good. I’m off next Monday and I’m going apartment hunting with Mother. How’s it going for you?
G: I got a big package from New York with all sorts of fun reports. I started reading one and almost fell asleep over my breakfast.
P: So you went on a run.
G: I had no choice. That stuff was dryer than my toast. I’ve been meaning to ask you, how was your dinner with Robert and Veronique?
P: It was fun. Robert’s doing well and it looks like he might be going to New York; Veronique’s dating a man who is not good enough for her.
G: Not good enough in your opinion or over all?
P: Mother and Father like him but he seems shifty to me. Is it a rock song?
G: No. It has nothing to do with Pearl Jam.
P: Damn. So should I bother asking what you’re going to do aside from the library?
G: Probably not. They’ll probably have to kick me out but if it makes you feel better, I’m going to the beach tomorrow to work on my tan.
P: Strangely that just makes me jealous but then I’m going skiing on the sixteenth so not so much.
G: Where are you going?
P: Lech in Austria. Um, with the Crown Prince and some other friends.
G: It sounds like you’re coming out of your shell. How long will you be gone?
P: Just for a few days.
G: Have you been there before?
P: Yes. They have many good runs and I haven’t been skiing for a long time.
G: Good for you then. By the way, what is that sound I keep hearing in the background?
P: The beeping sound? Oh, someone’s car alarm I think.
G: Pieter are you standing on the street? Get back inside, man!
P: I am wearing a big coat and gloves and it’s not that cold but I do need to get back, staff meeting and all. Have fun at the library, Grant.
G: Oh I’m sure I will. Bye.

January 18, 2009 Lech, Austria to Gold Coast

G: Hello?
P: Hi Grant!
G: Hi Pieter. Where’s your phone? Why do you sound so weird?
P: I left it in my room. I got to the top of the lift and there was a phone booth! Imagine a phone booth up here so I had to call you. Luckily I remembered the number.
G: So what’s the sound?
P: It’s pretty windy up here today. Anyway – is it music before nineteen hundred?
G: Yes.
P: Ha! I’m narrowing it down. I’ll call you when I get back on Wednesday.
(click)

January 21, 2009 Gold Coast to Maastricht

P: Grant?
G: Hi! Sorry. I just missed your call. I was playing the drums and didn’t hear the phone ring.
P: You were playing your drums? How does your mother feel about that?
G: Actually I’m at a music store checking out a new set of electronic drums. Mum doesn’t mind those. I ruined the ones I had last year.
P: How do you do that?
G: In my case it was leaving them in a box in the garage under where Dad was storing some left over paint. They’re still playable but the sticks are uh, sticky.
P: No wonder.
G: So how was the skiing?
P: Good. The best part about the company I was in is that no one really noticed me so I was able to ski with wild abatement.
G: Abandon?
P: Isn’t that what I said?
G: No but it doesn’t matter. When did you get back?
P: About a half hour ago. Oh, it was fun but I always need a vacation once I get back. I even remembered to take my camera and I took some really nice photos. You’ll have to see them when you come. Are uh you still coming in March?
G: Yes. I was just waiting for you to tell me when. Have you found an apartment?
P: Robert and I are going looking again next week. I don’t really have a time crunch. I have a lease here until the end of April but let’s face it, this apartment is so depressing. What was I thinking?
G: That you needed a place to stay and you didn’t care at that point. But thinking its depressing is a good thing you know.
P: I know. I just wish things would get over already – I feel like I’m in a – what are those circle things planes do?
G: Holding patterns.
P: Yes! That’s what this feels like.
G: Have you thought any more about your residency?
P: I have and although I’d like to study in the States, I still feel like that’s too big of a step for me right now.
G: I see.
P: You’re sitting there thinking I’m a big sissy.
G: I am not. Moving to another country, even temporarily, is a big deal. How long does a residency take?
P: It depends on the school and your specialty but mine would be four to six years.
G: And that’s a long time. But you know Pieter, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to apply anyway. You don’t have to take any of those positions but it would help you figure out if you truly wanted to do it and by the time you heard something, you might have a change of heart.
P: Well. Okay I’ll think about doing that. Ah hell. I’ve got to run if I want to drop my laundry off and have it back before tomorrow. Talk to you soon.
G: Okay.

January 22, 2009 Maastricht to Gold Coast

P: So did you buy that drum machine?
G: No. I looked at three and really didn’t like any of them. Did you get your laundry back?
P: No I’m running around the hospital naked.
G: (laughing) Well then I expect there will be a sudden spike in miracle recoveries then.
P: Or unexplained deaths. I’m heading into a meeting so I don’t have much time. I just want to call and get my two questions.
G: Two? Oh, you didn’t ask one yesterday did you?
P: No I did not. So, was it written before eighteen hundred?
G: No.
P: Was it written by a European?
G: Yes.
P: Good enough. Talk to you tomorrow!
G: Pieter!
(click)

January 23, 2009 Gold Coast to Maastricht

G: I can’t believe you did that.
P: I told you I was going to a meeting.
G: So why didn’t you call me after?
P: Because it was driving me crazy and I needed to concentrate on the lecture.
G: Oh. Okay well I guess I forgive you. Where are you now?
P: Waiting for Robert to show up.
G: You sound upset.
P: No. Well, he said he’d be here ten minutes ago but practice must have run late. I’m just anxious to get going.
G: What kind of places are you looking at?
P: I’m taking a second look at several apartments in a revised school building, it has a nice location. I might end up living with Robert for a while. He has a couple of flat mates but he’d like some where a little quieter. He’s finally getting to the stage where he does need his sleep.
G: Robert’s what, twenty five?
P: Almost twenty seven.
G: No!
P: Yes. It’s so weird to think I have a little brother who is that old.
G: Imagine how Craig feels, I’m almost thirty.
P: Well let me get you a wheelchair. Don’t talk to me about thirty, you young whippoorwill.
G: (laughing) I think you meant whippersnapper.
P: Oh. Well what’s the difference?
G: A whippoorwill is a bird.
P: Then I did mean that since you are quite a -.
G: Don’t say it.
P: Bird brain. Ha! Hey, do you want to talk to Robert for a minute?
G: You’ve let him see the secret phone?
P: I didn’t know it was secret.
G: I’m just joking. Yes, I’ll talk to Robert.
(pause)
R: Hello?
G: Hello Mr. van den Hoogenband. I’m so glad to tell you that your brother has won an all expenses paid trip to beautiful downtown Geldrop. He’ll travel by passenger car and tour the scenic sights with a lovely companion.
R: Hackett? Is that you?
G: Damn! What gave it away?
R: Uh, your accent.
G: Accent? What accent? You’re the one with the accent.
R: I don’t think so. Pieter’s back.
(pause)
P: Yes I am back but not for long since we do have to get going. Was it written by someone famous or was it something so obscure I’ll never find it?
G: Famous. Definitely famous. And Pieter, before you go? Have a good time.
P: I will. Talk to you tomorrow.

January 27, 2009 Maastricht to Gold Coast

G: Pieter?
P: Grant! Well finally. Why haven’t you been answering the phone?
G: I’m so sorry. Remember that flu going around up there? It made it here I think.
P: Aw. You’ve been sick?
G: Sicker than a kangaroo on a carousel. I still feel a little shaky in fact.
P: Have you seen a doctor?
G: Yes, I finally went – well, yesterday I think. Mum is now giving me very smug looks because I didn’t want to go but the IV made me feel much better and now I’m able to keep things inside me.
P: How bad was it?
G: It was disgusting. There were things coming out of me that had no place being inside of me in the first place.
P: Ah. Vomiting or diarrhea?
G: Both and frequently at the same time.
P: Ew.
G: (laughing) Are you sure you’re a doctor?
P: Ha. I was just trying – well. How did you manage? No wait. I don’t want to – no. Tell me.
G: (still laughing) Bucket on one end, toilet for the other. The only thing that saved me from a sure death at my mother’s hands was that I have good aim.
P: And the doctor said it was just the flu?
G: Yes and who is Mother Hen here? Besides, I have a sensitive stomach.
P: You do not.
G: I do.
P: But I’ve seen you eat the most bizarre things.
G: I eat them but I have suffered for doing it later. I’m just not a complainer.
P: Then why do you do it?
G: Because if I didn’t it do it at the time, who is to say I’d ever get another chance?
P: So the time you and Geoff dared each other to eat the menudo, that was a once in a lifetime opportunity?
G: No that sheer male posturing. I have that too but I’m trying to get over it.
P: How’s that going?
G: Not so good. I still suck in my stomach on the beach.
P: I don’t think that’s a male trait. So have you been seeing anyone?
G: (laughs) If you could see what I look like right now, you wouldn’t ask that.
P: Hey, stop putting yourself down.
G: No it’s just that I haven’t showered for three days. I smell so bad that I’m offending myself.
P: Well go take a shower already.
G: I can’t. Mum’s coming up to draw a bath because she’s afraid I’ll faint in the shower or something.
P: Your mother is a wise woman. Have you eaten anything today?
G: Broth, dry toast, and weak tea. Hey, maybe you could call her and tell her that coffee won’t kill me?
P: Oh no. It wouldn’t kill you but the last thing you need right now is caffeine.
G: I can drink decaf.
P: Then what would be the point? Surely you can live without coffee for a few days more.
(pause)
P: Grant?
G: Sorry. Mum’s come back and she said I have to hang up now but I could come out and play with you on Thursday.
P: (laughing) Now I remember why I’m not moving back in with my parents. Is it from an opera?
G: Yes.
P: Oh. This one question thing is killing me! Get plenty of rest Grant and I hope you feel better soon.
G: Thanks Pieter.

January 31, 2009 Gold Coast to Maastricht

P: Hi Grant.
G: Hi Pieter.
P: Are you feeling better?
G: Yes now that I’ve escaped from Mum. Well, actually she escaped to go shopping but I’m sure it had nothing to do with me.
P: Of course it didn’t. I’ve found an apartment.
G: Pieter, that’s great!
P: Thank you. I’m pretty pleased actually. It’s in an older building so it has very high ceilings. Three bedrooms so there is a buffer between Robert and me. Or more importantly, Robert and his lady guests and me. The kitchen isn’t big but there’s space for a small table, the lounge is nice and has a built in bookcase. It even has its own entry in the back through a little courtyard and parking after six. We’re going to use the bedroom in between us as a guest room/office.
G: It sounds cute.
P: It is rather quaint but I like it and if – no, when I move on; Robert can get two roommates and continue on living here. It’s much nicer than his place and almost the same rent if split by three. I’ll email you the address if you’d like.
G: That would be good because my Dutch spelling is atrocious.
P: And your handwriting.
G: All right. You’re in a good mood.
P: Life is just looking better. Sure things aren’t totally wonderful but I’m no longer just along for the ride. I feel like I’m regaining control.
G: And I’m very glad.
P: Of course I will continue seeing Dr. de Zeeuw for a while.
G: Will that mean you have to drive over to Maastricht?
P: Yes but that’s only a couple of times a week. I will be spending the other three days at the Swim Institute.
G: And what will you be doing there?
P: Swimming.
G: Oh. Oh! Are you going back into training?
P: No but I haven’t really been back to the pool for – well, a while. I missed swimming and I need to make peace with how I ended my career.
G: It sounds like you’re really feeling better.
P: I think so too. So, I get the keys on March fifteenth.
G: Then I’ll fly in on the thirteenth, help you pack and we’ll go out to dinner on Saturday.
P: Why would we do that?
G: Because it’s your birthday!
P: Ugh. Don’t remind me. You really want to take me to dinner? I thought I was supposed to cook for you.
G: Only after I help you move. And yes I do. Would you mind making reservations? I don’t know any restaurants in Eindhoven and I don’t want to rely on information on the web.
P: Can we go to my favorite restaurant?
G: Of course. Oh and just so you know, I’m going to Sydney on the tenth to hang out with Michael and Ian then I’ll be going to Daytona for the big race on the twenty second. So if I don’t answer the phone, I’m probably in transit.
P: That sounds like fun. I suppose that means that they graduated?
G: Yes. Graduated with honors in Ian’s case but that’s not surprising. Ian’s sister is having a baby next month so they’re coming in for that and to pack up his house. They found a house in Philadelphia and they’ll probably spend the whole time I’m there talking about how they’re fixing it up and argue about invitations.
P: Why are they arguing?
G: Whose name goes first on the invitation? Ian thinks his should go first because he’s older. Michael thinks they should go alphabetically by last name. Ian says alphabetical by first name. Michael points out that he did the actual proposing. Ian will say the whole getting married thing was his idea.
P: Oh, so they’re not seriously arguing.
G: Not those two but then there’s still their wardrobe, color scheme and guest list. Just so you know they don’t want gifts.
P: So what are you getting them?
G: Actually I was hoping that you could show up a day or two early in New York. I have an idea for their bachelor party.
P: They’re having a bachelor party?
G: No but I think they really deserve one, don’t you?
P: (laughing) Sure. Count me in. Oh. Today’s question: is the opera set in the Netherlands?
G: No.
P: Damn!
G: I guess you’ll just have to keep trying. Pieter, that’s Mum coming back and I’ve got help her with the groceries.
P: Okay. I’ll talk to you later. Take care.
G: You too.

February 5, 2009 Maastricht to Gold Coast

P: So . . . how did the microwave blow up again?
G: Oh shut it. It didn’t blow up, it just started smoking. I think it had to be some kind of power surge.
P: And the fork you left on that plate had nothing to do with it. Really, Grant perhaps cooking lessons?
G: Well I won’t be doing it here. Mum’s banned me from touching anything but the fridge and she’s starting to reconsider that. I told her I’d buy her a new one and it was all your fault anyway.
P: My fault?
G: Yes. You had me laughing so hard I wasn’t paying attention. So tell me the end of the story.
P: Are you in the kitchen?
G: No.
P: Okay then. Where was I?
G: The second one had just finished observing the exam.
P: Ah. Okay so then he comes out and we’re all standing there looking like the wizened veterans we are. Gertruda asked him how it went and then the patient comes running out and starts yelling that he’s in labor. The well trained team springs into action and we immediately procure a table, get patient on it and wheel him back into exam room. Then we tell the intern that he’s got to do the delivery since none of us have dealt with a birth in several years.
G: (laughing) Oh. Oh. How did that go over?
P: Well Simon handled it really well until it gradually dawned on him that, men don’t normally have babies. Since Albert wasn’t actually pregnant, I suppose what Simon saw when the nurse whipped up the sheet was sort of shocking but he didn’t need to yell like that. It is a hospital. Gertruda made sure to chastise Simon for scaring the patient.
G: (still laughing) Pieter, I never knew you could be so cruel! I can’t believe the administration lets you get away with hazing the new interns.
P: They let it happen to us when we started and no I’m not going to tell you what they did to me.
G: Aw. Why not?
P: Because I’m sure there’s pictures out there somewhere.
G: Woo! A challenge! And I didn’t get you anything.
P: Consider it an early birthday present. By the way, are any of the main characters from the Netherlands?”
G: Yes.

February 9, 2009 Gold Coast to Maastricht

G: So you never answered me yesterday.
P: I didn’t? Well what did you ask?
G: I asked if you wanted me to tell Ian and Michael but you were getting paged.
P: Uh. Well if they ask then tell them but don’t volunteer it.
G: Okay.
P: You don’t sound happy about that.
G: No it’s not that. Just – why don’t you want them to know?
P: (sigh) They’re getting married in six months. I want them to be happy and not thinking about how some marriages can end up.
G: Pieter. Its fine and you’re right. But as far as they know, you and Minouche are living happily in Geldrop so I doubt they’re going to ask.
P: Grant. I – I just hate people knowing how much of a failure I am.
G: Oh. Pieter, I don’t think of you like that.
P: I know you don’t but if people know that I filed for divorce a month after the wedding then they’re going to ask why.
G: So you just tell them it didn’t work out. You don’t have to go into details.
(silence)
P: I know but if Ian finds out he’ll keep asking until he knows it all. Then he’ll call me to see how he can help and I just can’t deal with it right now.
G: All right and I promise that if he does ask and I have to spill the beans, I’ll tell him to give you some space.
P: Thank you. I’m sorry that I’m putting you in this position.
G: Relax. I can handle it. I’ll just deflect them by asking about the wedding. So do you have a guess today?
P: Hm. Is the main character from the Netherlands a male?
G: Yes. So how did your page work out yesterday?
P: Stitches from a hockey accident.
G: There are hockey rinks there?
P: Yes apparently so. What time is your flight?
G: I’m taking the train. Dad is dropping me at the station at two thirty and I’ll get there at after seven tomorrow morning.
P: Wouldn’t a plane be faster?
G: Yes but I like trains and I’m not really in a hurry.
P: Are you returning to Australia after your trip to Florida?
G: No, I’ve signed up for driving school in New Hampshire. I’m doing the four day road rally course followed by the four day security school.
P: That sounds interesting. You’ve always loved racing.
G: I think it will be loads of fun and I hope to learn a lot.
P: Are you expecting to become a body guard at some point?
G: You mean because of the security school? No, I just think it’s a useful skill set to have.
P: So I suppose I shouldn’t ask how the thesis is going.
G: It goes but slowly. I’m getting a bit frustrated at the information I’m getting. I know the consulate staff is doing their best but I’ll probably end up stopping in DC or New York on my way to New Hampshire.
P: Well I need to get to work so I’ll talk to you later.
G: Okay. Have a good day and be a good little doctor!

February 13, 2009 Sydney to Maastricht

P: Grant?
G: Yes it’s me. God, I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t expect him to grab the phone from me like that.
P: It’s okay. It was nice to talk to him. Uh, is he around?
G: No, he and Michael went over to pick up Iona. She’s coming over to help us pack.
P: I thought Christina and David were living at his house.
G: They are. We’ve moved on to the storage facility and my god does Ian have a lot of stuff!
P: Aw. Poor Grant. He’s doing two moves in one month. Luckily, I’ve drafted some of Roberts’ friends to do the heavy lifting here so we’re going to stand around and supervise.
G: Heavy stuff? Where did you get heavy stuff?
P: Some of the furniture at the house was mine and Mark arranged to get it back for me. It’s all sitting in my old room at my parents’ house. I still will have to purchase a few things but I will have them delivered.
G: I sense you’re inferring something here.
P: I am and it’s that I have no intention of lifting anything heavy.

February 23, 2009 Maastricht to Washington DC

G: Hi Pieter!
P: Hi Grant. So how did the race end yesterday?
G: Kyle Petty won.
P: Well that was less than enthusiastic.
G: Eh. It was interesting to watch but five hundred laps? And it’s so loud!
P: You were the one who wanted to stand in the hole.
G: It’s a pit and I know. That part was fun but it was still loud. Do you think I’m getting old?
P: Don’t say that – you’re younger than I am. So where are you?
G: In Washington. I just finished lunch and I’m going back to my hotel room to look through all the copies I made this morning. What are you up to?
P: I just got home from the hospital. You know, I’m really going to miss that place. I didn’t realize until these last few months that I work with some really great people. I’m going to miss them too.
G: You’ll still be able to go back and see them.
P: I know but it won’t be the same. Most of my fellow residents are moving on to other hospitals and I won’t be able to lord over the new interns anymore. But on a bright note, now I’m motivated to send out some applications.
G: Good for you!
P: I hope you still think so when I make you help me fill out the paperwork.
G: Ooh. Paperwork! Seriously Pieter, are you trying to turn me on?
P: (laughing) Grant! Oh. Is the opera set in England?
G: No.

March 2, 2009 Dalton, NH to Maastricht

P: Hello Grant.
G: Hi Pieter. Guess what?
P: What?
G: I rolled a car yesterday!
P: Are you all right?
G: Yes I’m fine. It was part of the lesson. Well not quite because they didn’t think I could do it but I showed them.
P: I though you were working on your male posturing?
G: Obviously that’s not going well.
P: So how much extra is your little adventure going to cost you?
G: The car was barely scratched but the tree might not survive however this is New Hampshire and there are lots of trees.
P: It sounds like you’re having a blast.
G: I really am. It snowed last night so the driving will be even better today. How are you doing?
P: I’m good. The divorce proceedings are going into mediation which means it will hopefully be over soon.
G: But that also means you’ll have to see her.
P: I know. I had a few hours of internal panic but I think I’ll be okay.
G: When’s the first appointment?
P: In April. It would have started last month but I wanted to finish my internship first so really, I can’t complain about the schedule.
G: She’s still not budging on her demands?
P: No of course not. She wants everything which wouldn’t be possible but there’s definitely a logic failure going on with her.
G: And what do you want? Uh, if you don’t mind me asking?
P: Not at all. I have offered to pay two years of alimony. The amount would enough for a decent roof over her head and food on the table but not for any extras like taking her mother to Paris. I did not ask her to quit her job after all. I am also willing to be more generous but only if she seeks competent psychological help on a long term basis. That was turned down flat. The way I look at it, if she doesn’t think she has a problem then she can work. If she’ll admit she needs help, she shouldn’t have to work so she can concentrate on her recovery.
G: Do you think it could be that easy?
P: No but it makes me look reasonable. I hate playing that game but she doesn’t leave me much choice and I do think she needs help.
G: I guess the press hasn’t gotten hold of it yet?
P: Not so far but I’m not afraid of that if it happens.
G: You sound – much more …
P: Resolved. I am. I have spent the last several months waking up with the thought that I could have had a child. I might have been a father. Minouche knew how much that meant to me. I wouldn’t have even cared if it wasn’t my biological child; she knew that.
G: Has she said who the father was?
P: I don’t think she knows or if she does she isn’t telling.
G: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.
P: It’s okay. It’s good to talk about it. I can’t discuss it with my mother because she gets so upset. My father isn’t speaking to me and well, Robert will listen but he’s always offering advice. Why don’t you do that?
G: I thought I did.
P: Yes but never about Minouche.
G: I guess I feel guilty about it. I sometimes wonder if I should have just kept my mouth shut and then you wouldn’t be going through all this.
P: Grant, please don’t feel guilty. You didn’t cause the problem; you just opened my eyes to it. I am so much happier and much more alive now.
G: All right. What kind of advice is Robert offering you?
P: Oh, that I should start dating again. He’s offered to introduce me to some of his female friends and-
(clunk)
P: Grant, are you still there?
G: Ow. Yes. I tried to get out of bed and stepped on my shoes. Sorry about dropping the phone in your ear but it was that or fall over.
P: That’s okay. So I guess you don’t approve of that advice?
G: No! Uh. It’s not that.
P: Do you fall out of bed every morning?
G: Pieter.
P: Well you’ll be happy to know that I don’t approve. I’m married still and married people shouldn’t date.
G: You are separated.
P: Yes but still married. We may have had an open relationship but that was something we both agreed to and we also agreed to cut that all out upon our engagement. Call me old fashioned but it’s the only promise I made that I can keep so I am going to keep it.
G: Uh, but what if you meet someone before the divorce is finalized?
P: Then hopefully that someone would wait for me. I don’t want to do the singles scene or hang out in bars. I’ve done that and I’m not some crazed sex maniac. Despite the bad experience, I still have faith that I can find the right person and I am willing to wait.
G: That’s very sensible of you.
P: Thank you. What do you think of Mark?
G: Mark? Mark who?
P: Mark Ellens, my lawyer.
G: Oh, um. Good looking in a lawyerly way I suppose. Uh, why?
P: He asked when you were coming back into town. Interested?
G: Wouldn’t that be incredibly awkward?
P: Why? He’s not your divorce lawyer.
G: Still. The only common ground we have is you.
P: I’m sure you’d find other things to talk about. He’s well read, has good manners and enjoys long walks.
G: If you left out the reading part, you could be describing a dog.
P: Grant! That was rude. I’m being serious.
G: Fine then if we’re both still available and interested after your divorce, then I’ll consider it. Wait, did he ask you to ask me?
P: Of course not. He just asks about you every time I see him. Does that mean you are interested?
G: I could be provisionally interested in him.
P: My goodness. I had no idea you were so picky. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend.
G: Are you suddenly wearing pearls?
P: What? Why?
G: Because you’re starting to sound like my mother.
P: Grant! Wait. Your mother asks about why you don’t have a boyfriend?
G: Yes. She thinks if I had a boyfriend, I’d settle down and not travel so much.
P: Would you?
G: It’s hard to say. What if he liked traveling as much as I did?
P: Hm. How about if he had a job that made traveling difficult?
G: Then we’d stay home and take day trips. Pieter, are you trying to ask why I travel so much?
P: Yes.
G: After all those years of seeing hotel rooms, pools and changing rooms; it’s just nice to have free reign. I don’t have worry if I do something a little dangerous that I’ve ruined an entire season of training. I drove a race car, I took the zip line, and I went waterskiing. I don’t have to do those things and I wasn’t chomping at the bit when I was at home. It’s more like I look around, see something I’ve always wanted to try and so I go do it.
P: Oh.
G: I’m not running away from anything.
P: I didn’t say you were.
G: I’m especially not avoiding Kent’s commitment ceremony.
P: I didn’t say that either.
G: Well then that’s one thing you don’t have in common with Mum.
P: Uh, just on a sheer physical level I would hope there’d be more than that unless there is something about your parents’ marriage you aren’t telling me.
G: Huh? Oh. (laughs) Very good Pieter. Actually, I had drinks with Kent and Kevin while I was in Sydney.
P: You did? How did it go?
G: It was – illuminating.
P: How so?
G: Well it made me realize that while I will always have feelings for Kent, I’m okay with how things ended up.
P: Kent and Kevin?
G: Yes.
P: So what did you think of Kevin?
G: I heard him refer to me as Kent’s sugar daddy.
P: Ouch. Right in front of you?
G: No, as I was coming back from the bathroom. He said it like he was joking but also half serious. Kent sort of laughed and denied it but that was one of the issues between us so like I said it was for the best. Not that I haven’t made jokes about people but –.
P: It hurt your feelings.
G: Well yes.
P: And at least you’re smart enough to make your jokes well out of earshot.
G: True. So do you have a question today? I need to get in the shower in a minute or I’ll miss breakfast.
P: Does the opera have a love triangle?
G: Yes but good luck with that one. Gotta run, talk to you tomorrow.
P: Bye Grant and be careful!

March 7, 2009 New Orleans to Maastricht

P: Hi Grant. How’s New Orleans?
G: It’s interesting.
P: What have you been doing?
G: I had dinner last night with Charlie and Rick and their millions of family members. I’m going down to the Y with Rick this afternoon and surprising his swim club.
P: Did I mention how nice it was for you to be doing that?
G: Yes you did.
P: Aw. Are you embarrassed that I caught you being nice to someone?
G: I’m nice to everyone.
P: So you always use your own funds to fly however many miles to give swim lessons and motivational speeches.
G: I might. Maybe I’m modest and have just never said. Besides, you can’t tease me unless you’ve never done the same thing too, right?
P: Uh.
G: And how much are you charging for those eldercare aquarobics classes you’re teaching?
P: Fine, I’ll leave you alone about it. Are you looking forward to it?
G: Yes actually. They’re such a new team and they aren’t doing well. Rick does his best but he’s the first one to say he’s not a real coach. Hell, he only volunteered because he used to be a lifeguard and has the first aid training and no one else would do it.
P: So he’s not certified?
G: No but there are two certifiers up in Pineville, Louisiana.
P: Where’s that?
G: I have no idea but they’re willing to come down and work with Rick.
P: Which you arranged and paid for.
G: Um yeah. Moving on. The food last night was fantastic. I have no idea what I was eating half the time but when Mrs. Beaumont brought it out, I ate it.
P: Would Mrs. Beaumont be Charlie’s mom or Rick’s mom?
G: Their grandmother. The woman must a hundred years old but she was still threatening to knock people up side the head with an iron skillet and she probably could do it too.
P: Why would she threaten to do that?
G: I was too busy fighting for – uh reaching for the fried chicken.
P: (laughs) Was it that good?
G: Oh yes. I ate like Michael Phelps.
P: And you’re not in a hospital getting your stomach pumped? That’s amazing!
G: I know.
P: Grant you’re the only person I know who could go to driving school in New Hampshire and end up meeting a guy who lives in New Orleans and has a cousin who is a swim coach.
G: That just proves that swimming is everywhere. So how have you been?
P: I have been shopping and shopping some more. I now have a couch, two chairs and a dining table.
G: Does the couch pull out into a bed?
P: No.
G: Then should I make a hotel reservation?
P: We have a guest room, Grant. I told you that.
G: Yes but will it have a bed by the time I get there?
P: Actually you’re sleeping in my room. I have a king sized bed.
G: Oh.
P: That’s okay isn’t it? There’s no way you’d fit on the guest room bed so I’ll be sleeping in there.
G: Ahem. Uh yes. That’s fine.
P: Don’t worry, I’ll change the sheets. Well, actually you’ll be the first person sleeping on it so I’ll make sure to wash my new sheets.
G: Pieter, you don’t have to give up your bed for me.
P: Besides, I’m counting on you to break it in for me. (laughs)
G: Uh. (throat clearing) yes. Okay.
P: Grant, are you feeling okay? You sound like you’re coming down with a cold.
G: I feel fine. I probably just need some coffee. Where are we going for your birthday?
P: Well, if you don’t mind a drive I’d like to go to dinner at a great restaurant in Düsseldorf but it’s expensive.
G: Pieter, if that’s where you want to go its fine with me.
P: Thank you. So how is the writing going?
G: Eh. Its fine I suppose.
P: Can I ask you something?
G: Sure.
P: Do you not want your doctorate?
G: Yes, I want it but the only problem is: what do I do once I have it?
P: You don’t know?
G: Not really. I guess I always thought I’d get a job or something.
P: Doing what?
G: Well gosh, Pieter, I guess I just didn’t think that far ahead.
P: Hey, there’s no need to get defensive.
G: I’m sorry. It is something that’s been on my mind recently.
P: Apology accepted. What time does your flight arrive?
G: I think I get in on Friday morning at nine in Eindhoven. I’m flying into Brussels. Will you have time to pick me up then or should I go on to Maastricht?
P: I can pick you up. Are you ready for today’s question?
G: Go ahead.
P: Did it premiere in Holland?
G: No I don’t think it did.
P: I think I’m getting close.
G: You just keep telling yourself that. Anyway, I really need coffee and you need to go eat something since it’s just after lunchtime there.
P: You are correct. Have a good time today.
G: I will. Bye.

March 11, 2009 Amsterdam to London

G: Hello Pieter!
P: Hi! Guess what I’m doing?
G: Hm. I hope you’re not calling me from an operating room.
P: I promised I’d never do that again and there was no procedure going on the last time.
G: I don’t need the mental picture. So what are you doing?
P: I’m in Amsterdam picking out more furniture.
G: You’re just on a buying binge, aren’t you?
P: You keep that up and you can sleep on the floor. By the way, there was a strange package delivered for me at my parents’ house. It was from Australia so I assume you had something to do with it.
G: So I’m the only Australian you know? I find that hard to believe.
P: Your name was on the import documents.
G: Oh, well that’s a different wheel of cheese isn’t it? It’s your birthday present of course.
P: You didn’t have to get me a present. You’re taking me out to dinner. So what is it? Can I go ahead and open it?
G: Is today your birthday? No I think it is not.
P: But Grant, I want to know what it is!
G: Your birthday is only three days away.
P: Damn. But what if I died in a horrible car crash tonight without ever-
G: Pieter! Do not even joke about that! God. That’s – it’s not funny!
P: Uh. Grant. Calm down please. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you. I was trying to be funny.
G: (deep breath) I’m sorry I yelled at you but you. . uh you’re one of my friends. I – I don’t have enough of those to spare any even in jest.
P: I really am sorry. I promise to not do that again.
G: Thank you.
(silence)
P & G: (simultaneously) So how-
(laughing)
G: You go first.
P: No you go.
G: I was just going to ask how things are going.
P: Good. I was worried that I might be bored in Geldrop but I think I’ll be kept busy with filling out applications, swimming and teaching a few classes.
G: More aquarobics?
P: Ha ha. No. CPR and first aid.
G: So has your father started talking to you yet?
P: Not in any substantial manner although he grunted at me when I mentioned applying to schools in the States. He is such a stubborn man.
G: You sound a little better about it.
P: The disapproval does bother me but I’m trying to let it get to me. He’ll speak when he’s ready I suppose. What’s happening in London?
G: So far the count is twenty three.
P: Is that for or against?
G: Well they all start out saying how London was robbed over the bid then eighteen said that New York could have all the fuss.
P: Well I’m glad it’s in New York.
G: Why, are you planning on going?
P: I think so if my schedule allows. I’m not sure where I’ll be then. Are you going?
G: If I’m free. Michael already offered to arrange tickets for me. You’re welcome to uh, join me if you like.
P: Oh. I think that would be fun.
G: Just so you know, I’m planning to use you as a buffer since we’ll probably be sitting with Ian and the sprout.
P: What sprout?
G: I guess I didn’t mention that Michael and Ian are talking about having a baby.
P: They are?
G: Yes. They’ve got an arrangement of some kind with their sisters. They didn’t go into the details and I didn’t ask. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.
P: No. It’s not that. I’m happy for them but I’m just trying to imagine them as parents.
G: They do a good job with Iona.
P: I’m not saying they’d be bad parents. Did Ian change his niece’s diaper?
G: I sure didn’t. Actually they both did. She calls Michael ‘Uncle Monkey’.
P: Aw.
G: Yes it is rather touching.
P: (muffled sound) Grant, I need to go. The store will close in an hour and I haven’t finished my order.
G: Okay. If you can’t reach me tomorrow, I’m coming over via the Chunnel train and I don’t think there’s cell phone reception on there.
P: Oh, you and your trains! Call me when you’re free then.

March 12, 2009 Brussels to Geldrop

P: This must mean that you’re in Brussels.
G: It does indeed.
P: When does your next train leave?
G: Six hours. I’m actually sitting at a restaurant waiting for my mussels and fritjes while sipping a beer.
P: Which restaurant?
G: I have no idea. It’s on the rue de Bouchers, or near it. Are you excited about moving?
P: Yes and I am almost totally packed. I just have some household stuff here, like sheets and towels but we’ll need those for a few days.
G: So you’ve been a busy little bee.
P: Yes. By the way, do you have a coat and tie in your luggage?
G: Of course.
P: Good because the restaurant we going to sort of formal.
G: I’m looking forward to it. And here’s my food. Will you be home later?
P: Uh no. I’ve got a dinner engagement tonight with Suzanne.
G: Oh. Suzanne?
P: Yes. She’s one of the staff doctors and she’s writing recommendations for me. It’s a hospital thing and her husband is in Rome; she felt a little funny going alone so I offered to take her.
G: That was nice of you.
P: Well it’s the least I could do; she’s been one of my mentors here. Oh, listen to me. You have mussels. I’ll see you tomorrow, nine am!
G: Okay. See you then.
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Diplomatic Relations