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Better Days	By : Kashshaptu Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1765 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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AN: Okies sorry for the uberlong wait ^^;; I really had a lot to do (about 239843 other stories and of course all the RP's XD) So I hope you all enjoy this ^_^

Disclaimer: I don't own Diru. Never did, sucks, doesn't it? XD

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“Come one man. Please just do me this one favour!”

“You know I don’t like being reminded. Most people have n idea about me. And I certainly intend to keep it that ways.”

I sigh. “That’s the main reason I want you to visit him.” I am quiet for a while. “Look. You do this now and I’ll take you out this weekend. Buy you a few rounds, we score some chicks and everybody’s happy! It’s a win-win situation!” I say, hoping I convinced him.

The man on the other end sighs. I know he’ll agree. He just needs to be convinced, that’s all.
“Alright,” He finally says, “I’ll do it. I’ll talk to him once. “Don’t expect too much.” He says. “Is tomorrow afternoon alright with you? That way I can get this over with as soon as possible.”

I nod, although he can’t see that. “Perfect. And expect me at your door Friday night.” I say grinning. “We should totally get some chicks.”

Kaoru laughs out loud. “Yeah, yeah. Though I have a date tomorrow night.” He casually ads, probably hoping I won’t make too much of it. He’s known me long enough now. I marvel. Kaoru is mostly homebound, not that very outgoing. “Way to go man! The Kaoru finally got himself a woman!” I say happily.

It stays quiet on the other side.

“Actually... It’s a guy.”

***

It is already dark outside. All the regular nurses are probably home. Only those who work the graveyard shifts will be here, but they won’t bother my. They sit there in their nurses’ room and read their books until morning, making sure no-one dies in the meanwhile.

I bite my lip. It’s a full moon tonight and the large window allows me to look at the illuminated gardens. They’re breathtaking. I wish I could at least feel my legs, so I could sneak out on my own. Being outside at night is more comforting than during the day. People won’t be able to see the disfigured me.

There’s a wheelchair on the other side of my room. It has my name on it on a small sticker. It’s taunting me. I used to take Miyu out on long walks in the middle of the night. It was always more for my than for the little dog’s sake. Sometimes she was so tired that I just took her in a small basket and took her outside with me. We used to sit in the park quietly. Me staring up at the stars, Miyu somewhere in dreamland between some doggy-blankets.

She ruined it. I’ll never be able to go outside again. I’ll have to watch the stars from the inside now. Look at me! I can’t even get dressed on my own, let alone go outside.

I grab my diary and the pen next to it. As I open the leather-bound book a picture of my beloved Miyu falls to the floor. Inwardly cursing, I try to reach for it. Hopeless of course. Being unable to do anything is frustrating. I try to reach for it again as I steady myself on the bed with my other hand, making sure I won’t fall out.

It’s not working. I won’t be able to reach it on my own. Suddenly this helpless feeling is getting too much. Thick tears spill from my eyes and roll down my cheek. I ignore them as I still try to reach for the fallen picture as thick teardrops fall on the ground next to it. It’s useless. I lay back in bed, my small frame is shaking with anger and sadness. I hate her. She mutilated me for life. I wish I was dead and that she was in this bed now, reaching for a picture of me.

I start to sob violently, my shoulders shaking as I press my face against my hands. “Damnit, damnit, damnit!” I yell into my hands, making it sound like a muffled moan. I feel exhausted. Even the small movement of trying to bend down without falling is too much. Must be all those drugs they pump into me.

I lay back against my pillow, still sobbing softly now. I’m way too tired to do anything and I won’t reduce to some helpless loser, having to call the nurses for something as trifle as this. I refuse it. I’ll just try to get some sleep and maybe I’ll ask Die-san in the morning, as long as I don’t have to ask those dumb nurses. They look at me with pity in their eyes, talking to me in such a fake cheery, thing I’m some kind of retard probably. I close my diary and put it under the pile of pillows against my back. What is it with hospitals and the sixty thousand pillows they put on your bed?

I sigh, tears still running slowly from my eyes. I lie back against the pillow and close my eyes. I’m so tired that I almost immediately feel sleep pull at my senses, clouding my mind.

***

I love my job. I really do. But having staff meetings until midnight isn’t my idea of fun. Talking about our progress with every patient is tiring, and if you ask me, a bit pointless. You can discuss all the cold, hard facts about someone’s case. In the end, he is still a person. And the thing with human beings is that all cases are unique and probably remain best solved by the actual care-taker.

One of the nurses actually suggested me to force Shinya-san to go outside. I’m glad some people completely opposed that idea. And I’m even more glad that Shinya’s not taken care by her.

As I walk back through the building towards the exit, one of the nightshift nurses calls after me.
“Die-kun!” I turn around and smile. “Yuki-chan! Can I help you?” She smiles at me and unlike other girls she actually stays normal and doesn’t turn into some pile of blushing mush. I like her. She’s tall, almost as tall as I am. She’s been a good friend of me ever since I began working here.

“Well,” She says, “First of all we need to go out again sometime. It’s been way too long.” She grins

“How about beer and picking up chicks?” I suggest and give a wide grin back. “You know my friend Kaoru, right? We’re going out on Friday. You’re more than welcome to join us.” I say.

“Sounds like a plan. As long as you won’t stand in the way of my hunt for chicks.” She grins. “They always seem to like you and then be jealous at me cause they think I’m your girlfriend or something!”

“I can’t help that I’m so damn irresistible to the lady’s! I know that deeply hidden under all that lesbianism of yours lies some lovin’ for good ol’ Die.” I stick out my tongue and poke her.

“Hmm no, sorry Die. As much as I like you, male organs scare me greatly.” She snickers before getting serious again. “There’s something else. Your patient, Terachi-san. We heard him crying, but were afraid to go check on him. He’s been mad at us for asking of he’s all right before. And he specifically told us to leave him alone and that he’d call us when he’s not feeling well, or needs one of us. So we let him cry, but since you’re here. Could you just check on him? It’s been quiet for about forty-five minutes now. He’s asleep probably.”

She sees the worried look on my face and pats me on the shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s just very troubled and seems to have a real dislike towards every woman that works here. And because there are no men on the graveyard shift tonight… Would you be so kind to peek in and see if he’s OK?”

I smile. “Of course I will! I’ll be right back.” I say as I make my way towards Shinya-san’s room.

Once I get there, I lay my ear against the door and hear nothing. So I softly open the door. When I step inside I can’t help but smile at the adorable sight that greets me. The young man looks so cute when he sleeps. I, however, take that statement back when I come closer. Tear streaks have dried on his cheeks. I take another step forward and stop when I hear something being moved under the bed. Frowning, I get to my knees and look under his bed. I expect to find nothing cause of the darkness. But I see something shining in the light of the moon. I reach for it and stand up. It’s a picture of something. Hard to tell who’s on it though, so I move to the window, letting the moonlight fall onto it. I see Shinya-san, cuddling probably the smallest dog I’ve ever seen to him. He’s smiling. A real, broad smile.

It makes my heart flutter. I’m glad to know he was actually happy before this all. I get over to his bed again and put the picture next to him, sticking half from underneath his pillow. I sigh. It must be his pet and he probably misses it like crazy. ‘I need to look into that.’ I think as I just stand and look at him for a bit. My hand reaches out and slowly strokes some hairs away that stuck to his cheek. “God, how can anyone be this beautiful.” I whisper as I bring both my hands to the edge of the blankets, moving it up so he’s completely covered by them.

I press a soft kiss to his forehead and make my way out of the room again, thinking why the hell I just did that.

I walk back to Yuki and smile. “He’s all right. He’s peacefully asleep and nothing’s wrong.” I smile and scratch my head. “Well, I really need some sleep, since I have to be here again tomorrow, so I’ll see you on Friday. Same place, same time, OK?” I smiled and she nods, bringing me in for a hug. Her ear is close to mine.

“Don’t fall for him, Die, you know better than to do that.” She whispers into my ear before letting me go. I stare at her in disbelieve. “I saw you.” She says plainly as she backs up towards her post. “Don’t do it.” She mouths before she turns around and walks away.

I stay there for a while, sighing. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but feel that I met him to take care of him. And yes, I’m aware that it’s officially in my job-description…

***

He always walks in with a cheery face. It’s too early to be this cheery. I grumble and pretend to still be asleep. He opens the curtains and I squint. Damnit. I open my eyes and glare at him, but he just ignores that and puts a tray of breakfast on the nightstand. “Good morning, Shinya-san. I hope you had a nice sleep.” He says overly cheerful.

I don’t respond, but suddenly I remember last night. “I uhh…Could you pick up a picture I accidentally dropped on the floor last night?” I ask as he looks at me strangely. He then smiles. “Look there next to you, somewhat under your pillow.” He says as he points. I frown as I look where he points and my eyes widen. There it is. The picture I dropped! “How…” I mutter as I grab the picture and run my fingers over it.

“That’s a really cute dog you have there. Is he yours?” He says as he puts the tray of food on my lap carefully. “I had a staff meeting last night. It lasted very long and decided to check up on you before I went home.” He says, shrugging. “I almost stood on your picture, so I thought you probably had dropped it. So I put it next to you.” I frown at him.

“She.” I say, leaving him looking puzzled at me. “What do you mean?” He asks, scratching his head. “Miyu, my dog, is a girl.” I say smiling, thinking of the cute dog. God, I miss her a lot. The redheaded nurse smiles back at me. “She’s really cute. Where is she now?” He asks. He really looks interested, so I decide to tell him about her. “She’s the cutest dog ever, dearer to me than anything in the world. She’s back in Osaka with my parents.” I say, sighing. I wish she was here with me, I want to add. But I don’t. I won’t show my weakness to him. I don’t even know him, even though he’s the only one to treat me remotely normal. I grab a spoon that’s on the tray and slowly start eating the yoghurt that’s on there. It’s the only thing next to the fruit that’s remotely edible. It has pieces of rasp- and blueberries in it, both fruits I like.

The other seems to think for a while as he sits down, watching me eat. “Wouldn’t you rather have your dog here with you? Or at least nearby?” He asks curiously, head a bit to one side. It makes him look extremely adorable. I shake myself. What the hell am I thinking!? I ignore my thoughts and nod. “I would give anything to have him somewhere close, but this hospital doesn’t permit animals, and a pound would be cruel. Put her all alone in there, just so I can see her once in a while would be extremely selfish.” Die-san looks baffled. It’s probably the most he’s ever heard me talk. He nods. “I understand, that wouldn’t be nice to little Miyu, even though he could probably hide in every crook from the big doggies.” He grins. I scowl at him and eat my food. I don’t touch the bread and get the banana and the two apples from my tray, putting them in the drawers of my nightstand. I’ll eat those this morning, but not just yet. Die smiles as he gets my tray. He knows now that how hard he complains, I won’t eat the rest. But he keeps on trying.

“You can eat the bread if you want to.” I note and look at him. “You come over as someone who likes bread.” I smile somewhat, making a joke for the first time I’m here. I wonder what made my attitude change. Maybe it’s the journal? Or maybe the crying? I don’t know. I don’t really care. I feel good today. Let’s just leave it at that.

Die smiles, again a bit baffled. “Was that a joke? Did Shin-chan just make a joke?” It’s the second time in a short time I look at him scowling. “Don’t call me Shin-chan!” I pout. I don’t even know why! God, I act like a flirting teen! What has gotten into me? I calm down a little and put on my normal, stoic face again. He looks at me and smiles. “I thank you for your concern, but I already ate. I’m fine.” He says it like there never was a joke. Maybe he feels the way I was uncomfortable about this?

He grabs the tray of leftover food and smiles. “I’ll go clean up. I probably can’t convince you to get outside with me this morning?” He asks it hopefully. I bite my lip. I just can’t. I slowly shake my head. “Sorry.” I whisper. I don’t know why I’m saying sorry, but it feels like I’m letting him down.

He sighs. “Don’t say sorry. I shouldn’t push you like that.” He takes a few steps towards the door. “Just ring the nurses’ bell when you want company, ne?” He smiles and salutes, almost dropping the tray. I let out a soft chuckle and nod. “I will.” When he’s out of the room I instantly grab the photograph of Miyu again. “I miss you so much.” I sigh before grabbing my diary. I start writing away immediately and I can’t help but think that today I feel a bit better than the few weeks before.

***

I can see that he’s gradually accepting me. He seemed so happy to find the picture of that little dog next to him. I get too much crazy ideas sometimes, but this is an idea I could actually use, I think. I go through Shinya’s file and immediately pick up the phone when I find the number I was looking for.

***

He is definitely weird. He was here with lunch again, Die-san. He made it festive with fruits and stuff like that. I can tell that he’s really trying to get me to feel a bit more accustomed here. To take my mind of what happened. It’s not working. It’s not there. My leg is simply not there. And every time I gaze at my feet, expecting to see two pair, I see one. I dreamed last night that I could walk. That this whole accident didn’t take place. It was weird. She wasn’t there. No one of my old life was there. Instead there was Die, opening his arms, waiting for me to walk towards him. When I was almost touching him and getting embraced I woke up. Or rather, I was woken up.

But back to the festive lunch. He asked me the strangest question. He said: “Would you go outside if you had a reason to go?” I am puzzled completely now. I told him there’s no reason for me to go outside anyway. Then he rephrased his question: “Would you go outside if you were currently in your own home with Miyu?” I have no idea what he’s hinting at. He was all weird and mysterious about it. Maybe I shouldn’t think about it too much. I never answered him though…

***

A few hours later I’m being shaken awake softly. I groan and open my eyes, looking into the face of Daisuke. Apparently I fell asleep. I don’t remember anything about that, but I shake that thought away. I probably look a bit pissed because he starts blushing and apologizing to me immediately. “What is it?” I ask as I stretch and sit up. Die looks at me and smiles. “You have a visitor!” He happily says.

I can only raise my brow… Who would want to visit the broken me?

-TBC-

AN: Fweee! That's it XD I hope you all enjoyed this! And please tell me what you think! o.o This is one of my favorite fics to write on ^_^
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Better Days