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Tainted Wings
By : Seisen
Category: > Kyo/Kaoru
Views: 1965 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. - Chapter List
::Chapter Two::
Once again they were at the beginning. In this same room, on Kyo's bed, bodies caressing each other, soft touches exchanged. But something was different than usual now, he couldn't tell what it was. It was easy to tell, he knew it was on his mind- what it is, but he couldn't tell.
He closed his eyes as he felt the cold hands stroke his member teasingly. He groaned lightly as he felt the hands left to roam over his skin, touching a bit more different than usual… Almost more than lust… Kyo was afraid to ask what had changed Kaoru, so he didn’t asked at all and instead enjoyed the moment of happiness that was promised to him.
His heart almost stopped when he felt a finger enter him, to stretch him. Something Kaoru never did before. It was simply ‘take and go’ for him, never something so gentle. Kyo wasn’t the one to complain. But this time, it was so unexpected, Kyo felt uncomfortable with the digit, only to hear a whisper coming from Kaoru.
“Ssh. It’s okay, just relax.”
Kyo relaxed with the kind voice, yet still a bit worried. Why was the guitarist so gentle all of the sudden? He bit his lip as he felt the added second finger, scissoring inside him. His muscles stretched with the digits as he tried to relax, but without such luck, he cried out when he felt his prostate was brushed against, oblivious to Kaoru who was smirking in victory. The next thing he remembered was Kaoru to reach out for lube –wonder how he knew where it was, he soon felt the slow and soft enter in him. And fuck, it hurt.
“Ssh.” Kaoru once again soothed him, confusing Kyo more than ever. He gasped for breath as Kaoru started to move in and out, bringing them into a passionate rhythm of a pretty night. It was so nice, Kyo could even dream of it as love making. The soft and deep moans mixing in the air, their bodies meeting in a silent vow. It was as much as silent it can get until Kaoru found that spot in Kyo, making him cry out, making him see stars instead of the darkness. It didn’t take long for both of them to climax, to reach into the nirvana of their passion.
“Toshiya!”
Kyo’s eyes shot open, his body trembling, his mind stopping and tears threatening to fall from his eyes –but all of these happening only in a millisecond, suddenly turning into a statue. Kaoru didn’t even seemed like he noticed his mistake, slowly getting out of Kyo, who had lube and semen on his thighs. Without speaking, like every other time, he moved to get dressed and was about to leave until a voice reached his ears. So soft, wondering.
“You love him eh?”
Kaoru’s mind stopped then; did he really say the name out loud? Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!! Sighing softly, he nodded.
“Yeah.”
Kyo took a shaky breath, cuddling into the blankets, hugging himself, suddenly feeling so cold.
“We can…I...can act…If you want to…you know…” He muttered softly, hating himself for even offering it. ‘Please say no, Kaoru, please don’t do this to me, please…’
“Will you? Next time…I…”
"Sure..."
Kyo was at loss of words. The hopeful look on Kaoru's eyes, were... either sweet or..sickening. Kyo choosed the second option. It was sick... But, why did he agreed? To have another dreamy night like this? Even if it was not for him...would it be worth it? Would he have to listen Kaoru to moan the bassists name each time he pounded into him?
Was it worth it? Wouldn't Kyo sacrificing much for Kaoru's happiness, the other not even knowing how it would make Kyo feel...
Though all thoughts was lost when Kaoru smiled at him, his smile warming Kyo's heart. Something hidden, something so sacred.
"Thank you."
No reply was given. Kyo didn't had enough power to accept the fact that he actually accepted this deal. But Kaoru gave a soft smile and a nod, before whispering a wish.
"Good night Kyo."
It was only hours later Kyo whispered a reply back. Broken, in tears...
"Good night Kao..."
How many tears he shed until now for him? What was changing Kyo? Why did he agreed in this game, even though he knew this would hurt him. But...
He didn't know but he fell silent then. Tears dried at the corners of his eyes- never noticed, neither by him nor any other person.
Who cared until now, any way? When he woke up, there wouldn't be anyone next to him, holding him tightly to his chest. Caressing his hair- no this was not his life. It was what will Toshiya experience...
Toshiya...
When will the guitarist will have enough courage to tell the pretty bassist his feelings? What would happen if they were returned? Kaoru would leave Kyo as if nothing happened between them, as if he never ripped his insides out, phsyically and emotionally. These were all a dream... Never real, never happening.
What if Toshiya would reject him? What would happen to Kaoru then? Kyo suddenly felt like embracing the leader, holding him and never letting go. But ... that wouldn't happen would it? Toshiya wouldn't reject Kaoru. Not even when it was what Kyo hoped for, maybe...maybe if Toshiya could let Kaoru see how much he liked Ky... But no..That was another dream Kyo thought today... When Kaoru was being so gentle to him, so loving.
Until he heard the others name screamed.
He could hear it again in his mind.
No...Kaoru never liked him. Kyo was loving a dream, and it will soon turn into a nightmare of loneliness. All of the passioned nights turning into hell as each time his name vanished and that certain name would be screamed. He asked for it, he accepted this hell to be invited in his dream. In hopes of being with Kaoru, he was Toshiya now in the others eyes...
And it hurt...
More than the razor that seperated the skin and painted the skin with red. Kyo didn't felt the need of cutting himself, the mazohyst he is, he already cut his heart open.
"Why Kao..." He whispered, closing his eyes into a hopefully dreamless night.
Why couldn't you just loved me?
---
Thank you for the reviews ^____^!!! *0*~ *gives cookies*
I'd love to have more reviews/constructive critism. If you have any idea how to make this fiction better please say so :3
((+and I know I'm in serious need of a beta! But after chapter 5(which is written), my fictions will be beta-ed :3!))- You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
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