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How Could The End Be Happy?	By : Lunaris Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Malice Mizer Views: 1878 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Malice Mizer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
A/N: So, I don’t keep you waiting anymore. This is The Ultimate Final Chapter of my story about Közi Yu~ki. Yes. The end. Everything you have ever wanted to know remains here. So, don’t hesitate anymore, go and read it!

I’m just telling all necessary information about the final chapter so there should not be any horrible surprises for you, guys.

Name: How Could The End Be Happy? – How Could The End Be Happy? (Yes, the name of the chapter three is also the name of the whole story)

Part: 3/3

Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, RPS, Darkfic

Rating: R

Paring: Közi/Yu~ki (Közi/Gackt, Gackt/Mana, Mana/Klaha)

Beta: Wonderwolf & DieZilla

Warnings: There is some violence in this. Or not ‘some’. Pretty much I think. Well, not much, but it’s precisely written. And of course some boy X boy –love. Don’t like – Don’t read.

Comments: You there who hadn’t wrote a review yet, this is your last chance to do it! So don’t leave without doing it!

~~~~~~~~~~

”Leave him alone.”

Empty room… empty walls. It was like a dream, but then again…

“Leave him alone. He’s not yours.”

“I don’t even want him.”

Two people, talking or probably more like fighting with each other. No, the other was fighting. The other just looked straight ahead and explained.

“You’re lying. I can see how you look at him. You want him.”

He wanted… whom? Who these people talked about? Why they were fighting? And why the hell did they fight in this place where there was such a weird mist?

“I’ve never wanted him. You’re paranoid.”

“You’re always touching him. You think that I don’t notice it. Well, you’re wrong! Leave him alone at once, because he doesn’t belong to you.”

Weird. The other person looked like Mana. He was yelling at somebody. Somebody who couldn’t be recognised yet. Why was he here? Why would Mana be in a room full of fog? Or was it a room at all? Maybe it wasn’t.

What time was it? Because of the mist it couldn’t be told if it was an afternoon, or a midnight. Mostly, it felt like morning. Or evening. The time just before sunrise, or just before sunset.

“Can’t you see he doesn’t take it as a flirt? He thinks you’re just joking!” Mana-looking guy yelled at the other person. Funny, such a great coincidence it really was Mana. But who was the other?

“I’m not flirting with him. Not even joking like that. All I want is you. Not him.”

“You’re lying to me. Anyhow it doesn’t matter, ‘cause he’s not interested in you.”

“And I’m not interested about him.”

“Then, leave him alone.”

The mist was fading, just for a moment and now it could be seen who the other one was: It was Gackt. Wasn’t it weird enough that Mana was here, in a misty… place, but Gackt too?

There was still one question open: Who were they fighting about? Why was Mana so certain there was something between Gackt and this mystery person when Gackt so bluntly denied it?

“Leave him alone. He’s not yours. Közi is not yours.”

***

Közi opened his eyes like normal people do when they wake up. He’d had very strange dream about Mana and Malice Mizer’s ex-vocalist Gackt. In that dream they were in a misty room, fighting with each other and at the end of the dream Mana had said Gackt should leave Közi alone, because Közi did not belong to Gackt.

Where did a dream like that come from? And why did there have to be mist in every fucking dream world? He wished it had at least been red or something, even green would’ve done the trick. Green mist would be interesting.

Közi rose from the bed to sit at the edge and looked around. The place he was in was not his own apartment. Walls were boringly white and on the floor there laid a white matt. He doubted if the one who decided the colours of this room had any imagination at all.

Certainly he was somewhere else than his own house, but where? He had no clue about that. It was too early morning to think about the former day.

Suddenly Közi heard an unfamiliar voice behind him and turned his eyes at the direction of it. There was a young girl sleeping next to him. Beautiful, blonde hair got down from her shoulders to her back. Most of the people would think that she was very attractive and sexy.

But when Közi looked at her he saw nothing special. The girl next to him was just one of the world’s 2500 billion girls. Maybe she was more beautiful than some of those other girls but in the world there were thousands of people like her.

Közi stood up from the edge and collected his clothes from the floor. They had been thrown all over the room last night.

‘What a huge trouble after a night that felt like nothing’, Közi thought in a bad mood. Quickly he dressed in his clothes and left the girl sleeping, without even leaving a note. There was no need for it. He didn’t want the girl to contact him again and the girl should be wise enough to realize that Közi was gone even if he didn’t leave any messages about it.

When Közi came out he had to cover his eyes with his hand to protect them against the bright sunlight that was burning his eyes. Even thought it was only eight at the morning – Közi checked it out from a watch around his left wrist – the sun was shining like this would be the last day to do it.

Közi put his coat on, even though the day was going to be hot and then checked out where he was. Soon he found out he was in city centre of Tokyo and there was a great distance between this unknown area and his own apartment. He couldn’t remember how he had got in there; it seemed he had no memories about that. Had he been drunk?

He started to walk in the direction where he supposed his own apartment was. There would be few miles to walk until he’d be even near the right area. So it was better to start walking and wish that somebody he knew would come and drive by him. He’d get a free lift home.

The guitarist lit the cigarette he had picked up from the coat’s pocket. Well, probably there was no free drive coming up, but at least he had some time to think and wonder different kinds of things. Like trying to remember how he had ended up in the centre of Tokyo.

It was possible that Közi had drunk too much last night, but he didn’t believe in it because he remembered everything else. He remembered how he had been in the bar and how the young lady had come to talk to him. Back then it had felt a great idea to have sex with the lady and the lady had been willing.

The next thing he remembered was that he had had sex with the young lady in the girl’s apartment. How ironic was it when Közi realized he had nothing to really remember about. It had been sex; sex without the feelings, even without the normal feeling of sex. He had felt nothing in it; no passion nor caring, not even a simple lust. And the worst part was that Közi hadn’t felt any pleasure. For the selfish guitarist it was horrible.

Közi couldn’t tell why but he felt like there had been something missing in the sex - something very important. Something that had been there when he had been with Yu~ki…

Now Közi remembered why he had decided to have sex with a girl in the first place: to forget Yu~ki. The older man’s memory haunted in Közi’s mind and he wanted to get rid of it even if it would take some time.

The guitarist dropped the cigarette that had almost burned to its end on the street and tamped on it. Without even realizing it, he had already walked half of the way to his house.

“Why can’t I stop thinking about you?” Közi sighed desperately and looked to the sky. He had to close his eyes for a while because of the burning sun.
Okay, he admitted Yu~ki was too attractive to be just an ordinary man. But nothing else. There was nothing else Közi felt about Yu~ki.

Or was there? Could there possibly be something more in the younger man’s thoughts? Közi felt there wasn’t. He had always got along by himself, without needing anyone. And this wasn’t an exception. He was going to forget Yu~ki. Közi decided to not to think about the older man anymore.

There was a little doubt that he couldn’t feel anything while having sex, not anymore. He had felt so much with Yu~ki that now even the thought of it felt just plain nothing.

“It’s gotta be because Yu~ki’s a guy, that’s all” Közi assured to himself. In few weeks he would pick himself a nice, pretty boy and forget everything about Yu~ki.

“I don’t need anyone. Not even you, Yu~ki.”

Even if it had been that Közi didn’t need Yu~ki, he couldn’t even imagine how badly Yu~ki needed him.

***

The past few days Yu~ki had been totally broken. He had lost weight in an extremely short time but it wasn’t a miracle, because he didn’t eat much anymore. He was just too depressed to make himself food, or even move from his bed to the cell phone and call for fast food or something. He got food only when Klaha remembered to come to his place after stopping by in a supermarket before and then forcing him to eat what he had made.

Yu~ki was in a really bad condition.

All that was only because of Közi who had left him alone; totally alone. Too many times Yu~ki had found himself crying, still feeling nothing. He knew he cried because of Közi and tried to stop it by forcing himself to think that the bastard didn’t deserve his tears.

But every time he tried to think like that he realized he would only end up thinking that all of this was his own fault, not Közi’s.

Every day Klaha came to his place to cheer him up and every time he failed in it Yu~ki knew Klaha was really worried about him but even that couldn’t force Yu~ki to pull himself together. The only thing Klaha could do for Yu~ki, was to make him food every day and take care that Yu~ki ate it.

Even his second personality and Kami-butterfly were worried, Yu~ki could feel it. But most of the time they didn’t show up themselves or Yu~ki was too concentrated in hating himself to notice them.

In this story, at the moment it was that time of the day when Klaha came up to see Yu~ki and wasn’t really surprised when he found the older man lying in his bed and just staring at the wall, just like every day he came up to Yu~ki’s place. It was a fairly depressing sight.

“Come on, Yu~ki-san, cheer up” Klaha tried to make Yu~ki feel better as he did every day, like good friend should do in these kind of situations. “You should go out for a walk or something. It’s a beautiful day outside! And I brought you something good: Sushi!”

“I’m too tired.” was the answer, like always Klaha tried to cheer him up. Nowadays Yu~ki was too tired to do anything. He just slept through the days and nights and Klaha was sure that if he didn’t come here every day, Yu~ki would just sleep.

Klaha even feared he would someday find Yu~ki dead in his bed.

Klaha snorted and came to sit next to Yu~ki, stroking the older man’s hair.
“You’re like a teenager” he whined and ripped the blanket off from covering Yu~ki’s body. “Now you’re going to dress up and come to the park with me.”

Desperately Yu~ki tried to reach the blanket to pull it over him again but Klaha didn’t give it up anymore. He took the fabric with him and dropped it in the washing machine.
“Now I’m cold and I’m still too tired to leave” Yu~ki sighed but Klaha was happy he was successfully got something kind of life in Yu~ki. He tried to find clothes that the bassist could easily dress up into, like old trousers and a T-shirt. Finding them he threw them on Yu~ki.

“Stop whining and dress up, or would you like me to do it?”

Yu~ki sighed again, but slowly he sat up and started to dress in the clothes. Klaha thought it was cruel to force Yu~ki to leave the house, even for a day but because Yu~ki didn’t go out by himself anymore, Klaha had to do it. He had decided to pull Yu~ki out of his misery.

“Good boy, good boy. Now, eat something before we go.” He gave Yu~ki a nice packet of sushi and smiled like a sun.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Eat it.”

The look on Klaha’s face was so serious that Yu~ki had to obey him. He took the chopsticks and started eating the sushi. He gobbled the food in such a hurry like he was going to choke himself in it.

“Thank you, Klaha. Now I’m going to vomit it all up” Yu~ki said calmly and pushed the empty sushi box in Klaha’s hands.

“No you’re not. We’re going out for a walk now. Or shopping. How about shopping? Would you like to go and by some new clothes with me?”

“How energetic a man can be?” Yu~ki sighed but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling a bit. He was thankful about that fact he still had a friend like Klaha. He didn’t feel happy, but he felt he was a little bit less depressed and Klaha was to thank for it. “Fine. I’ll go shopping with you.”

Yu~ki felt ashamed because while he was angsting and thinking about his own misery, Klaha was trying to take care of him. How much trouble he had caused to that boy? There was a small memory of Klaha coming up to see Yu~ki every day. The vocalist used to spend few hours in a day to keep him alive.

Klaha put all necessary items together and took them with him, while Yu~ki washed his face.

“Yu~ki-san! Aren’t you ready yet?” Klaha yelled towards the bathroom. He was ready to go and spend all his money to cheer Yu~ki up. He had planned to take the older man to all of Tokyo’s most expensive fashion stores. Nothing would be a better way to brighten up the day than buy some expensive clothes. And in the middle of shopping they would take a small break and Klaha would offer a nice dinner to Yu~ki. Of course, the place they’d eat in would be as expensive as all those fashion shops. There was no way this kind of plan would fail.

Suddenly, Klaha got a new idea.
“Yu~ki-san, you don’t have to wash your face. We are going to the beauty salon!”

From the direction of the bathroom he heard a sound of choking and then lots of hard coughing. He wondered if Yu~ki was okay. Soon Yu~ki, still coughing and drying his face with towel, came out of the bathroom. He looked shocked.

“Beauty salon? What would I be doing there?”

“They make you look pretty, even prettier than Mana-sama is.”

“And how much it costs?”

“Well… a little bit…”

The expression on Yu~ki’s face was kind of funny. Probably Klaha would have laughed if he had known why the older man looked like he had just seen Mana in a strip bar. Glad he didn’t…

“Soon you’ll say you’ll buy me a new car or something” Yu~ki pulled on his shoes and took his coat from the rack. For his fortunate he didn’t see that concentrated expression on the younger man’s face. Clearly he seemed to think something.

“Anou… what kind of car would you like to have?”

Figuratively speaking, Yu~ki died.

***

About one Beauty Salon and few fashion shops later Yu~ki and Klaha sat on the seats of snobbish French –style café. Expensive one, as Klaha had planned it to be.

Yu~ki was almost buried alive under all of those plastic and paper bags with them and he seemed to be very relieved when Klaha had brought him to sit and ordered some coffee for both of them.

“Isn’t this fun?” Klaha said and laughed a bit. He was as tired as Yu~ki about all this running around and buying everything that was expensive enough. Thought he hadn’t bought a new car for Yu~ki. Yet.

“Almost as fun as sitting on an ant-hill without any underwear” Yu~ki panted and moved one bag little bit left, to lie freely on the chair. “Can we go home now?”

Without Yu~ki even noticing it, Klaha had succeeded in what he had tried to do: Move Yu~ki’s thoughts away from Közi. The older man was too tired to think anything at the moment.

“Hai. Drink your coffee and I’ll go and buy some food for us.” Klaha emptied his own coffee mug and left Yu~ki to sit and drink his own coffee in peace.

Yu~ki couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he sipped from the coffee mug in front of him. No wonder Klaha was so thin. That man ran from one place to another and didn’t even get any sweat. Yu~ki still wondered how he could be that energetic.

“Was I also that full of energy when I was in that age, or am I getting too old?” He thought aloud and stared at the streaming coffee. He ended up with the solution that he truly was getting old, but he hadn’t been that jumpy even when he was younger. Yu~ki had always been the one who sat calmly on the couch and watched movies eating chocolate, rather than hung out in the city. Few of his former friends had even said he was boring.

He was too boring to be interesting in the high school girls’ minds. The girls were always interested about the good-for-nothing –guys, who fought in the streets and got themselves in big trouble. Guess it was kind of manly, Yu~ki thought. He had never really respected those guys…

…Until he met one. It was high school’s end, when he and his former band were playing at the school’s stage. It was that specific day when had Mana came up to him and asked if he would like to join up in his band as a bass player. And he had agreed.

Soon after that meeting, he had met the second compositor of the band he had joined in: Közi. From the first meeting Yu~ki had seen that he and Közi were the opposite heads of a line. Yu~ki was a little older than the others and that way he was marked as a calm and quiet person, meanwhile Közi was viable, funny guy who had so much energy that he could give it away to the others. He played guitar in the stage with such passion, that Yu~ki had feared the other man would break his instrument anytime.

First years while playing in Malice Mizer the bassist hadn’t really cared about Közi. But when the years had passed by he had realized how ingenious Közi was when he composed new songs and he had started to really respect the younger man; even though the other was a bit crazy with all his energy. Sometimes not even a bit, but really much.

While Yu~ki was too boring personality to have relationship with any girl, Közi was too interesting. He was so original and unexpectable, that Yu~ki had realized he was pitying every girl who had mistaken to have relationship with Közi. It wouldn’t have been a miracle, if the guitarist had taken a girl in the snake house, thrown her in to some very poisonous snake’s terrarium and joined in the company himself screaming: “Look. Isn’t it pretty when it’s smiling like that? Wonder what sex it is…”

And from trying to remember the past of Malice Mizer, the bassist ended up in that time when he for the first time in Malice Mizer’s history had really been in contact with Közi; not only physically but mentally too. Back then they had had so much connecting things between them, which few weeks ago seemed to have disappeared totally.

It was just ironic that after thinking Közi as a “mad weirdo” the bassist had fell in love with that “mad weirdo”. The most surprising thing was how the guitarist made him feel. Needless to say, Yu~ki had started to understand why those high school girls ran after the bad guys.

Should he blame Mana about what happened between him and Közi after all these years? After all it was Mana’s idea to put them make fanservice with each other. But Yu~ki couldn’t say he was regretting it. He felt sad about what happened.

And he got it. It was no Mana’s fault and even less was it Közi’s fault. It was his mistake. He had fallen in love with Közi. He couldn’t blame anyone else than himself. This was his fault. He had caused his own misery.

While Yu~ki was thinking really depressing thoughts, Klaha came back from the food store along with some new plastic bags. He saw immediately that Yu~ki had fell in depression again. The older man just looked towards his half empty coffee mug without making any kind of sounds, without even noticing Klaha was back.

“Yu~ki-san? We can go now.” Klaha tried, but Yu~ki didn’t react in any way. He was stuck in his misery, thinking about Közi and everything what had happened between them.

Klaha had left Yu~ki alone just a few minutes and the older man was already back in that condition. He considered he should take Yu~ki in some kind of psychiatric hospital and get medicines to that depression.

‘This whole thing is Közi’s fault’, he growled in his mind and put the plastic bags down to help Yu~ki up from the chair. The other man just stared straight forward and Klaha had to slap him in his face to get any signs of life in him.

“We’re going home now” Klaha informed and took most of the bags they had with them and commanded Yu~ki to take the rest. The older man obeyed and followed Klaha through the whole shopping centre out to Klaha’s car. They transferred the bags and themselves inside of the car and left.

Most of the way from the city to Yu~ki’s house, both of them remained in silence. Yu~ki was still thinking about the past and blaming himself from ruining others life and Klaha planed how he would murder Közi for what he had done to Yu~ki.

“I’m making some food when we get home” Klaha said when there was only few kilometres between them and Yu~ki’s place. He feared Yu~ki still wouldn’t give any sighs of hearing.

“Right” he heard Yu~ki saying. Even that was a miracle. It was a mark of intelligent form of life!

“Yu~ki-san… should I stay with you for tonight?” Klaha really was worried about Yu~ki condition and if he had left Yu~ki alone just for a couple of minutes and the older man was already acting like that, he couldn’t imagine how Yu~ki would be after spending a night all alone.

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. You’re depressed… oh fuck, why am I even trying? You are so fucking in love with that bastard-Közi that you can’t even live anymore!”

“Keep your eyes on the road, Klaha.”

Klaha had almost drove out from the road while he was yelling at Yu~ki. Klaha felt furious because he couldn’t cause any positive or negative reaction in the other man. The older man was like dead emotionally. But just outside. Klaha had known Yu~ki for so long he could sense there was a blazing fight inside Yu~ki’s head. That made him sigh.

“Yu~ki-san, you are like a brother to me. I can’t just look how some heartless guy ruins your life.”

Yu~ki stayed quiet. He looked out of the car’s window with glazed eyes without noticing they had stopped in front of his house.

“Közi doesn’t deserve you if he leaves you like that.”

Still no marks of any reaction and it seemed that Yu~ki had fallen again in his own world of self-hatred. Klaha gave up with a sad sigh and turned off the engine. He opened the door slowly, stepping outside and starting to unpack the purchases.

Yu~ki did the same… or, actually he just opened the door from his side and stepped out, looking dully how the younger man took the bags out of the car, not even thinking he would help.

“I’m going inside” he soon informed and started to walk towards the outdoor, opening it and stepping inside leaving “kindly” the door open for Klaha, who few moments later tried to carry all those plastic and paper bags inside by himself. Poor boy.

“Thanks a lot, Yu~ki-san, for leaving the door open” Klaha murmured silently in a sarcastic way. This was simply too much for him. For keeping Yu~ki alive would soon kill him without a doubt.

He carried the bags inside, leaving the clothes in the hallway and taking the foods in the kitchen, pushing them in the refrigerator.

“Do you wanna eat something?” He shouted towards the living room, where he expected Yu~ki was. He heard nothing. Not answer, not any kind of sound.

“Yu~ki-san?” Klaha left from the kitchen and looked at the living room. Yu~ki was not there. Fear filled Klaha’s mind. If Yu~ki had gone somewhere… in that mind condition the older man could do anything.

It would be appropriate enough to say the younger man felt relieved when he found Yu~ki sleeping in his bed. It wasn’t too good the older man was sleeping again but it was better than trying to leave somewhere.

Klaha sat on the edge of the bed like earlier that day and stroked Yu~ki’s cheek. The bassist was still abnormally pale from his face, but the day outside had returned some color on his face. Klaha smiled gently.

“Sleep well” he whispered and kissed Yu~ki’s forehead.

***

Later at the same evening Yu~ki woke up. It wasn’t that kind of “now I’m awake” –reaction. He opened his eyes slowly, without even being sure he really was awake, still the former dream in his mind. He thought it was something about chocolate…

“Is he gone yet? Is he?” The bassist whispered in the dark room and lay on the bed for a while. When he didn’t hear any sounds inside of the silent apartment, he raised his head and slowly the whole body from the bed.

At first hand the whole situation seemed really weird already, but it turned out to be even weirder when a smile appeared on Yu~ki’s face. First it was just a little smile; an innocent smile that could’ve appeared from anywhere. But it grew. Soon it was not so little nasty smile.

“He’s gone. And Yu~ki, oh poor Yu~ki, he’s still sleeping.” The reader might already realize that everything wasn’t okay, but this should assure them that something was going terribly wrong. “Poor boy is still tired from thinking Közi over the whole day.”

Yu~ki, if it really was Yu~ki, walked to the hallway and stopped next to the plastic bags which Klaha left there before leaving. He picked up few clothes from the bags and smiled.

“Oh, you bought some new clothes? It really was time for that… Pretty, new clothes… Let’s try them on.” He spread all what was in the bags on the floor and chose nice PVC –trousers and a way too tight shirt. He dressed them on quickly just to do a catwalk in front of the mirror.

“Fuck with you, Yu~ki. You never see how sexy you truly are.” To an outsider’s ears it might sound strange when guy talks about himself in a third person.

From the closet Yu~ki picked up a pair of high-heels and a long, black coat, pulling them on as he did to the other clothes. With mischievous eyes he last time checked his look from the mirror, smiling and whispering: “Still thinking Közi, eh? Well, I’m going to give you something else to think, pretty one.”

Soon the only sound in the apartment was the sound of door closing and footsteps growing more and more faint. Yes, high-heels are kind of noisy shoes.

Yu~ki had called a taxi from the city because he lived too far away from the centre to walk there. The taxi arrived sooner than he expected, but without any doubts he opened the backdoor and stepped in the car.

The taxi driver was a young man, younger than Yu~ki was and the bassist noticed the driver glanced at him once in a while in the rear-view mirror. Did he look weird, or was the whole world turning gay in front of him?

Anyways, Yu~ki picked up few make-ups from his coat’s pockets, that he had taken with him before leaving the house. There was enough time before reaching the centre that he could well make himself look even prettier.

After he had powdered his face and lined his eyes with kajal and eye shadow, he was ready. Not too much make-up, tonight he didn’t want this body to look like Visual Kei –band’s bassist, but an abnormally sexy guy who anybody would like to buy few drinks for. Of course the high-heels were flattering this image.

“Umm, mister, where are we actually going?” The taxi driver asked voice trembling lightly. Yu~ki could see how younger man was blushed while looking at him. It wasn’t sure if the light tremble was because of fear, or something else completely…

“Pick me a bar from the center. A good one.”

“R-right away, sir. There’s a new bar opened at the centre, called ‘Hot Vanilla’.” The driver blushed even more after saying the name. “Is that fine for you, sir?”

“Sure, sure.”

Hot Vanilla sounded perfect in Yu~ki’s mind. It sounded like a bar where were lots of pretty customers. Pretty like him. Searching a way to forget their former lovers.

Few minutes after the driver had brought them in front of the before-mentioned bar and Yu~ki paid for the ride. Soon he was at the entrance of the nightclub –like bar, shivering from excitement.

The atmosphere in ‘Hot Vanilla’ was the same as in the high-class nightclubs usually was. Men and women were moving on the dance floor. Few of them could dance, some of them couldn’t. It didn’t really matter. Yu~ki hadn’t come here to dance.

Courageously he stepped inside the nightclub and searched some free seat from the bar table. He found one next to some young boy and sat down.

Soon the young boy turned towards him and smiled. The boy reminded him of someone… blond hair, pretty face. Dolly boy. It felt like the name ‘Hot Vanilla’ fit this boy very well.

***

Again Közi found himself from wandering around Tokyo’s centre. It was a late night, but he couldn’t get any sleep from thinking about Yu~ki. He wondered what was wrong with him when he wasn’t able to forget the older man.

He wanted to forget. Now even harder than anything else he wanted to forget what had happened. A memory he wanted to throw away from his mind: Everlasting feeling of the bassist against his body. Közi’s heaven had turned to be a nightmare. Very, very pleasurable nightmare. And when a nightmare is pleasurable, it’s hell.

Over too many nights already Közi had realized he was thinking about Yu~ki. He did everything, everything to get that image of naked Yu~ki under him out of his mind. Why did it have to be this hard? Why the man had to be so sexy that the guitarist couldn’t just throw him out of his mind?

Was it just completely lust for Yu~ki? No, no it wasn’t. There was something else in this, something much deeper than sex. Funny in a way, what could be deeper than sex with a man? Közi chuckled to himself.

How did he even end up in this? They had nothing in common between him and Yu~ki. Yu~ki was a cute, little, silent guy who smiled a lot… and god dammit that smile was a sin. That smile was so beautiful, that if Yu~ki raised his head towards the sky at the time of full moon and smiled the moon would come closer to praise that smile. How much Közi loved that smile…

Loved? No, he didn’t love it. It was… it was just beautiful. No, speaking truth, it wasn’t just beautiful. It was much, much more than beautiful. It was one of the purest things Közi knew in this world.

There was also another thing Közi knew about Yu~ki. He knew what the bassist felt for him. It wasn’t a secret anymore, though after Közi left him, Yu~ki had locked himself in his apartment. Only Klaha saw him anymore. Even thought the vocalist and Mana didn’t say it straight to his face, the guitarist could sense how the bandleader looked at him with the blaming eyes and Klaha was ready to kill him at anytime.

Yes, he knew Yu~ki had loved him. But why? Why would anybody that cute, that beautiful, love him like that? Közi had felt the love of a girl. It was always pathetic and so selfish that Közi couldn’t stand it. But it was safe. When a girl wanted something from him by saying she loved him, Közi gave it to her. Simple.

It was much harder when he realized Yu~ki wasn’t that selfish. He wanted nothing from Közi. The guitarist couldn’t satisfy the older man’s desires when he had none to satisfy. And the way Yu~ki loved him with was way more committing to Közi than that selfish love.

The guitarist had never been committed to anyone. He had needed no one during his life. Well, he had needed his parents to grow up, but emotionally.

Közi had always thought all people were in the different levels with their emotions and he needed to find the one who was in the same level, but there had been no one…

…Until he met Yu~ki. Well, he hadn’t really met him that day. And then again, he had. He had met a different Yu~ki back then. He had met the soft, emotional Yu~ki. Yu~ki, who was ready to do anything for the object of his love. That had scared Közi badly, especially when he was the object.

He had never let anybody close enough for them to fall in love with him. And suddenly he realized he had done just that. He had allowed Yu~ki to see Közi behind all that make-up and costumes. The man behind the name…

But he still couldn’t find out why Yu~ki had fallen in love with him. Even at his free time he wasn’t the kind of guy who’s easy to love.

With these thoughts Közi had walked in circles, over and over again around the centre of Tokyo. He wouldn’t have even realized it if his feet hadn’t started hurting.

“Ah, I should have a sit…” He searched with his eyes for a place he could sit on and found a bar near where he was.

“’Hot Vanilla’? Can you find any stupider name for a bar?” The name didn’t really bother him that much. He walked closer and considered buying a drink. He was pretty thirsty after all that walking.

When he was almost in front of the bar’s door, he mistook to look in the bar and the customers.

He saw Yu~ki. And a pretty boy next to him. The boy was saying something, Közi couldn’t hear what, but Yu~ki laughed at it.

A new drink in front of him. And the other man was smiling friendly. The other encouraged him to drink the liquid in the glass in front of him. It sounded like a good idea…

The guitarist could see how the pretty faced doll boy came closer to Yu~ki, setting his hand top of Yu~ki’s hand. He ordered a new drink for the bassist, who already seemed to be pretty drunk. Glad he was still standing.

Soft hand landed on his tight, stroking very lightly and gently. Silky voice came through his intoxication and reached his mind. “Would you still have another?” Why not, after hard practising few drinks sounded more than good.
Slowly, also the other hand joined in the company of his body. The other hand wrapped around his shoulders…

The plastic boy moved his hand from Yu~ki’s hand under his chin, stroking it. Yu~ki smiled and Közi could see that the older man didn’t have a clue what was happening. It made the guitarist feel wrath. How could that fake-pretty boy use a drunken man like that?

The arm wrapped around his shoulders turned him around. Now he was looking straight at the other man’s face. The whole image front of his eyes was blurry, but he could see how the other man smiled. It was not unpleasant smile.

The other came closer, he could smell the expensive perfume what this man used. Soon he could almost taste the fruity drink from the others approaching breathe…

That was it. When he saw the younger boy leaning closer to the bassist, Közi didn’t hesitate even for a moment.

With Közi’s long legs it didn’t take very long to reach the boy and Yu~ki. Without any warnings Közi ripped the boy away from his ex-lover and hit him straight on the face.

He had packed such strength in the punch that the boy flickered for a while before dropping on his back on the floor. He was nearly unconscious.

Közi turned towards Yu~ki, who still lied on the bar desk and mumbled something incomprehensible. The glass in front of Yu~ki was half empty and the bassist seemed to be already drunk enough. Közi decided he didn’t need more alcohol.

He took the glass from Yu~ki, who protested with a blurry voice: “Hey! Give it back! It’s unfinished!” But Közi didn’t react to that in any way. He walked next to the boy, who still lay on the floor and whimpered in pain.

With a serious, cold look on his face, Közi tilted the glass over the boy’s face and all what was inside of the glass, was then on the boy’s face

“Don’t ever, ever touch my Yu~ki again. Got it?” After saying it, while still holding the glass above the boy’s face, he let go of it.

The sound was awful when glass got broken on someone’s face. And the mess after it was ever worse. Pretty faced boy was soon a former-pretty faced boy. Sharp pieces of the glass made huge damage, bleeding scratches and cuts on the pale, pretty cheeks.

Yu~ki had watched the whole episode, only half noticing his drink was gone. It was unsure if Yu~ki had even realized what just had happened.

What was sure was that he sure didn’t know who did it. To the older man there were just one man standing in front of him and one man lying down on the floor. It seemed very funny and Yu~ki laughed. With a drunken mind he reached the drink that had been left behind by his earlier companion. It felt like a good idea to mimic than unknown guy and pour the drink on the younger boy’s face. But then the bassist thought it would be such a waste and emptied the glass in his own mouth.

Yu~ki liked the idea to drop the glass on the boy’s face after there was no liquid inside it anymore. With a sieve of the drunken man he threw the glass and it hit the boy’s forehead. Two glasses thrown on his face made the boy groan with pain.

“Man, it looked so much cooler when you did it” Yu~ki mumbled indistinctly and looked the other man front of him. He really didn’t have any idea who the man was, but the thing changed when the man turned around towards him.

“Közi? Oh, fuck…” It was simply too much for the bassist to see his former lover in front of him - just after he had praised how cool the other was – that Yu~ki decided to black out. He fell from the bar seat and Közi needed to catch him before he hit on the floor.

“Concluding about the smell, definitely, you’re drunk. Not that I didn’t noticed it earlier.” Közi murmured holding the older man on his arms. Even though Yu~ki was drunk and as far from consciousness as he possibly could be, Közi felt a little pleasure from holding him again. The older one looked so beautiful with all that neat make-up and new clothes. Közi almost regretted he had left Yu~ki…

Somebody had called the security guards of the bar and they looked pretty serious when they got closer to Közi.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll leave.” He picked Yu~ki in his arms and carried him outside, setting the older man down when they were on the street.

“Well, Yu~ki, you’ve already got me an eternal barring from entering that bar.” Közi said even though he knew well Yu~ki couldn’t hear him through his unconsciousness. Maybe that was the reason he said it. The older man lay on the street in a funny position and looked like dead though he still breathed and the guitarist couldn’t stop himself from stroking the other’s forehead.

Soon the younger man remembered in which kind of situation they were: He sat in the street next to drunken, unconscious Yu~ki. That was not a pleasant place to start thinking about former relationships, so he picked his cell phone from his coat’s pocket and called Klaha.

“Moshi moshi? Klaha desu.”

“Yu~ki is in trouble. He’s drunk and blacked out. Can you pick him up? And by the way, Közi here.”

“Közi? But… what? Yu~ki’s drunk?“

“Are you stupid or what is your problem? Yu~ki is drunk. And he’s blacked out. Got it?” Közi knew he sounded very disrespectful, but he wanted Yu~ki out from the streets before he would get in any worse trouble.

“Hey, you don’t have to be mean. Yes, I got it. Where?”

“In the street front of the bar called ‘Hot Vanilla’.”

“The new bar. Mana said it reminds him of Gackt-san… I think I know where it is. Can you stay there a bit longer? Just to keep sure Yu~ki’s still okay when I get there.”

The bar’s name really reminded of Gackt, others also than just Mana. For Közi, the last memory of the ex-vocalist of Malice Mizer was not all that pleasurable.

“Yeah, I’ll stay here till you come. I’ll keep sure he’s alive when you arrive.” Közi killed the phone line and hustled the cell phone back to the coats pocket. For a long time he just looked how the older man next to him breathed calmly and wobbled around. Certainly he was not anymore unconscious, but asleep.

The guitarist watched how Yu~ki switched from the one side to the other and mumbled something that Közi couldn’t find out what it was.

“If you continue doing that, you’ll hit your head on something. Klaha will kill me if that happens.” Gently Közi took a better position, or as good as you can take when you’re sitting on a street and picked Yu~ki from the ground to lie on his lap.

There, at that specific moment it felt weird to keep the older man close. And he needed to remind himself he was just taking care of Yu~ki. There should not be and there weren’t any feelings in this. Still he felt kind of sad and regretting when he held the bassist in his lap and stroked the others hair.

Közi wondered how Yu~ki had ended up in that bar? Or in that kind of situation with that pretty looking doll-boy? The guitarist felt a strange kind of feeling inside himself, like a sharp knife cutting a huge bleeding scratch over his heart. What was it, did he feel… jealous… of Yu~ki? He looked down on the older man, who slept calmly without any worries.

“Ahh, how I ended up in this once again?” Közi sighed and shook his head. It was impossible not to think Yu~ki when the older man got himself into these kind of situations with him. Situations where he just had to keep the bassist close to him. The longer he spent time the other lying on his lap, the more he wanted Klaha to come as soon as possible.

But it couldn’t be helped. Again the younger man started to think how pretty Yu~ki truly was. How kissable those pale red lips were and how that thin, beautiful neck lead down, leading the watchers eyes to end up looking at the direction of the collarbone and chest covered by a shirt.

“No. No, no and once again: No. I can’t let my thoughts wander to that.” The guitarist slapped himself on the face and tried to get his thoughts back from the skies.

It was definitely a relief to see Klaha’s car driving just around the corner and come up in front of Közi and his sleeping ex-lover. Közi allowed himself a sigh of relief.

Klaha opened the door and got out of the car, hurrying to Közi and taking Yu~ki from him.

“Is he okay?” Klaha asked a worrying tone in his voice.

“He’s fine. He fell asleep; I’m not sure in which stage. You don’t have to wake him up. Let the boy sleep after a hard nigh.” Közi stood up from the street and shook the ground’s dust from his trousers and coat. “I assume I can go now?”

Klaha smiled and carried the still sleeping Yu~ki inside his car, to lie on the back seat. At the same time he saw how an ambulance came in front of the bar and soon few nurses carried a boy from inside who looked like he had been in a car accident.

“What happened to him?” The vocalist asked curiously and looked towards Közi with a hope that the other would know the answer.

“Who knows? A catfight, maybe?” Közi grinned nastily and pulled on his coat.

“You’ve been in trouble already?”

“No, no, why do you think I would’ve done that?” Without even listening the vocalist’s answer, Közi took up a cigarette and a lighter; lighting up the cigarette and walking away from Klaha.

“After all, you don’t seem to need a ride home” Klaha sighed after the guitarist, who was already out of ear range. The vocalist wondered if he really had any reasons to hate Közi after this. Yu~ki was okay, just asleep and Közi had even agreed to take care of the older man while Klaha had driven like grazy towards their habitat.

The vocalist stepped in his car and closed the door after him. A while he just sat and looked by the rear-view mirror at the direction of sleeping Yu~ki.

“Just wonder if it’s Közi who is making all this trouble to you, or are you making it by yourself” he sighed and started the car, with the intension of driving Yu~ki back to his apartment to sleep over the night.

***

“Gackto-kun, why are you taking us in to a bar?” Mana asked silently, but curiously, when Malice Mizer’s vocalist almost dragged the whole band with him inside of the high-class bar full of red leather seats and wooden tables.

“I think, I really think, my dear Mana, we should celebrate our successfully played tour.” Gackt informed the bandleader anxious tone in his voice. The young man took Mana’s hand in his own and led the lighter, feminine man to sit in front of the table at the corner of the bar. The guitarist almost fell when he had to run after Gackt with high-heels.

After them Közi arrived, sitting in front of the table, smiling in the same level with Gackt and finally Yu~ki and Kami came up and sat on their seats. The bassist and the drummer both looked very doubtfully at the vocalist, but they said nothing to express what they thought about him.

“Guys, try to look a little bit happier. Hey, I’m offering drinks to you!”

“Gackt, you don’t have to shout.” Mana leaned his head against his hands looking like he had a headache. Otherwise Mana was that kind of a man who didn’t really drink much of an alcohol if he drank at all. And he seemed to be already tired after the long tour.

“Ah, give it up, Mana-chan. He’s so exited you couldn’t stop him now. Let the boy have some fun.” Közi laughed, thought he was the only one who really was in Gackt’s plan.

Without anyone even noticing he had at some point left their company, Gackt came back from the bar desk three drinks on a tray with him.

“I bought everyone’s favourites” Gackt smiled and he seemed to be really exited right at the moment. “For my beautiful, pretty Mana I bought ‘Strawberry Kiss’.” He handed a drink from the tray in front of Mana, who took the non-alcoholic drink with a bow-kind of nod of his head.

“For Yu~ki, the world’s best bassist, I brought ‘Chocolate Pirate’. I heard you like chocolate very much.” The vocalist handed next drink to the older man, who took it eyes twinkling like deep brown stars.

“Yare, yare, how polite you are today.” Yu~ki smiled a bit. Though it really wasn’t a secret the bassist liked chocolate. He was obsessed in it.

Gackt smile grew even wider when he handed the final drink to Kami. “And for our almighty drummer I’ll give ‘Black Butterfly’, even though you are pink. As long as it’s butterfly, ne?”

Kami just took the drink offered to him without saying anything, even thanks. He didn’t even grant a smile for the offerer. It was simply too clear for Kami what was going on in Gackt’s mind that he couldn’t smile. He just hoped Gackt wouldn’t do what he feared him to try.

“How about mine?” Közi, the other guitarist of Malice Mizer, asked curiously and tried to look all around the vocalist, clearly trying to search hidden drink or something. “You gave others their drinks, but what about me? You forgot me?”

Gackt laughed softly and tapped the guitarist on the shoulder. “For you and in the same time for myself, I bought a bottle of vodka and a pair of glasses. I thought we could take own table and discuss about a new song. I have an idea about it and I’d like you to compose it.”

It was fine by Közi, even though all three other members looked at them very doubtfully and Kami even tried to signal to him with his hands not to go with Gackt. It was almost expected Közi didn’t understand his message.

So, the beginning of the World War III had started, when Közi turned his back to the other members and scampered after Gackt to another table, little further away from the rest of the band’s table.

“So, what if we create our own conversation about… um… about the former tour?” Yu~ki suggested smiling shyly and sipping some of his drink.

While the others were talking about the tour, Közi sat on the red leather couch. It felt nice and it creaked under him, making the guitarist smile.

It didn’t take long when Gackt sat next to him, setting two glasses on the table and filling them with a transparent, water kind of drink.

“Go on. Have a taste from your drink.” Gackt smiled and pushed a glass in front of Közi even closer to the other man. Without having to be asked twice Közi picked the glass up from the table and emptied it with one swallow down his throat. The strong alcohol burned his mouth, but he didn’t care about it. It was always so entertaining to watch the expressions in people’s faces when they watched him to empty a full glass of almost pure alcohol.

It was such a disappointment when Gackt just smiled to him and didn’t look horrified at all. It didn’t seem to even impress the vocalist at all.

“So, about that song. What’s in your mind?” the guitarist asked and leaned his elbows against the wooden covering of the table.

“All in good time, Közi-san. Please, can I refill your glass?” Gackt raised the bottle a bit, still smiling. If Közi had looked more precisely, he would have noticed the smile on Gackt face was scheming.

“You do that” Közi gave his consent and the vocalist filled his glass with alcohol again. And the vocalist watched again how the guitarist emptied the glass from the liquid measured in seconds.

“It’s amazing how you drink that so quickly” Gackt admired and once again filled Közi’s glass.

“That’s a one thing I’m good at. I can play guitar and I can drink alcohol fast.” Közi laughed and felt already the warm feeling of getting tipsy. Margins of his eyesight got blurry and softer than they had been before.

“Glad you know where you are good at” it came as a routine to Gackt to pour more drink from the bottle in Közi’s empty glass. Weird thing was he hadn’t even touched his own drink which still lay on the table. “I’m not very good at telling people which kind of things they’re good at.”

“Funny way to express it.” The guitarist chuckled and as a pouring of drink was a routine to Gackt the emptying the filled glass became a routine to Közi. He didn’t think about it anymore, if he even had thought it before.

Közi didn’t even notice how Gackt’s soft hand landed on his tight. Not a miracle the vocalist’s hands were so soft, As if he had never played guitar with those fingers. Közi’s fingertips were not that soft anymore after a few years of playing guitar every day. But Közi thought it was a small price for the feeling he got when playing guitar in front of huge audience, who all screamed for him. Or Mana. Or Gackt.

“Would you like to have one more?” Gackt smiled softly and raised the bottle, ready to fill once again Közi’s glass. After a three glasses of vodka, the fourth one was not such a problem. It wouldn’t have any effect to how drunken Közi was already.

“Go on, go on. Since you ask for that.” The black haired guitarist had already forgotten Gackt should have told him something about the next song. If there even was any kind of song to tell about.

And Gackt did how the “client” asked. Soon the glass of Közi’s was full of transparent liquid and Közi looked so happy about it that he laughed and emptied the glass after that.

“It’s so fun to drink with you” Közi murmured indistinctly and leaned towards the vocalist, almost falling on the other man’s lap. Fortunately Gackt kept him sitting and tapped on his shoulder.

“I can see that. One more?”

“No doubts!”

While Közi was celebrating all by himself, Gackt tilted the bottle once and then put it down on the table. Softly Gackt begun to move his fingers up and down over the guitarist’s tight. If Közi even had any kind of sense of touch left, the touch of Gackt’s hand was too light for it. Because of the alcohol he didn’t have thoughts of self-defence anymore. The feeling inside of him was so relaxed it was abnormal.

With the other hand Gackt continued light caressing on smaller man’s tight, while the other hand wrapped around Közi’s shoulders and the vocalist moved little closer to the other.

The guitarist didn’t have a clue what the other man tried if he even realized the other was trying something. He was in an advanced state of drunkenness, very near to black out.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?” The vocalist flattered the smaller man, even thought it wasn’t necessary anymore in this stage. He pulled Közi closer to himself.

He was so close. So damn close of those red, perfect lips which tasted like alcohol. Gackt could feel it…

In the other table, Yu~ki looked doubtfully at Közi’s and Gackt’s direction.

“Um, I think something is wrong. Terribly wrong.” He informed and poked Kami on his shoulder. Now also Kami turned his eyes at the same direction and the expression on his face was truly horrified.

“That fucking Camui!” Mana shouted and stood up with such a hurry that he almost turned the table over. Kami and Yu~ki didn’t have time to stop him but they followed him as soon as possible. They arrived at the place early enough to see how Mana ripped the vocalist off of Közi, picked up his glass full of vodka and threw the liquid on the glass’s owner’s face.

Without explaining his actions, the bandleader ran out of the bar, leaving dismayed Gackt sitting on his seat, clothes all wet from the alcohol.

“Mana-chan… wait…” Közi had realized he had done something wrong though he hadn’t any clue what. Still he wanted to apologize that.

But the alcohol was too much for him. The guitarist fell from the chair and blacked out when he hit on the ground. Yu~ki hurried to help him up.

Kami looked at Gackt, his good friend and band mate, with very disappointed look in his eyes.

“I never knew you would really try it, Camui.” He sighed and joined in Yu~ki’s company who tried to half carry half drag the unconscious guitarist from the bar. They left Gackt sitting there all by himself.

***

“Yu~ki-san? Are you awake?” Klaha called after opening Yu~ki’s apartment’s door. The bassist sat on the couch, holding a bag of ice on his forehead and whining about a headache.

“Are you okay?” Klaha asked but he couldn’t stop himself from chuckling at the sigh of the other dismay. The older man just looked so helpless when he laid around without remembering anything about the former night. Needles to say, but in his mind Yu~ki looked really sick.

Yu~ki looked at him from under the ice bag, whining little more: “Do I look like I’d be okay? I feel awful. I took already few aspirins. The headache just doesn’t go away. I feel like I’d have a hangover.”

Klaha covered his mouth with his hand, trying not to show he was laughing at Yu~ki. No, he didn’t take any malicious pleasure from the older man’s suffering. It was just so hilarious. He had never seen the responsible older man suffering from hangover before.

“Have you eaten anything?” He asked and picked few clothes from the floor, throwing them in to a washing machine.

“Yes. I went to the store in the morning and bought some food and those aspirins. And I ate them.”

“The aspirins or the food?”

“Both.”

Klaha came up to sit on the couch next to Yu~ki, looking at the him laying down with a bag full of ice. The older man seemed to be okay. He was even too okay, considering what happened last night. He didn’t seem to have any clue about what happened. And Klaha was glad for it.

“Okay, physically you seem to be pretty sick but how about mentally?” He watched carefully at Yu~ki to see if the bassist showed any signs of being still confused and depressed, or maybe an expression of remembering what had happened last night.

But he didn’t see any of those marks on Yu~ki’s face and the other just smiled painfully fiddling the plastic under his fingers.

“Why do you ask?” He leaned against the couch’s back and closed his eyes from the burning sunlight which hurt his eyes even more than the hangover. “Can you close the curtains, Klaha? There are times when I just hate daylight.”

“Vampire” Klaha mumbled and grinned mischievously, standing and closing the deep orange curtains as Yu~ki had asked for. The vocalist’s actions made the room feel a bit darker, but when you own light coloured curtains, you can’t get an apartment much darker than it is before closing them. “I meant you have cried after Közi for the last few weeks, remember?”

“Um, in this condition… hardly.”

Yu~ki’s words were ironic, full of sarcasm. It wasn’t like the older man to speak like that. Klaha knew it. He sat back at the couch next to Yu~ki and begun to stare the other man’s reactions again.

“You don’t cry anymore after Közi?”

“No. Should I? I think he is past and gone. If I can’t have him, why should I cry for him?”

That really was not the way Yu~ki really talked. Klaha saw, or correctly he didn’t see any kind of reactions on Yu~ki’s face. The older man was cool like plastic. The Yu~ki who Klaha knew was emotional and in most cases happy. It reminded him distantly of someone.

“Well, that’s good thing to hear. Now I can tell you what happened at last night.” Klaha took a comfortable position on the sofa and stared at Yu~ki even more precisely than before. “You got yourself drunk and in trouble. Közi saved you from it and I think Közi punched someone’s face in while doing it. The security guards threw Közi and you out from the bar Közi found you from and then Közi called to me you were in trouble. Of course I told Közi that Közi should take care of you till I got there. And Közi agreed to that. So Közi took care of you while I drove in the spot and took you with me.”

Yu~ki shivered a bit and flinched a bit more at every ‘Közi’ Klaha said. The expression on Yu~ki’s face told the vocalist that the older man had listened nothing more than those before mentioned words. He stared over Klaha’s shoulder with glazed eyes.

“Közi” Klaha added and saw how the hard exterior covering Yu~ki’s mind silently got broken.

“That was… that was quite a story…” Yu~ki stammered and Klaha could imagine a how tiny little guy inside the bassist’s mind tried to glue the pieces of the broken exterior back together. But when it thought it had succeeded in that, the exterior shattered into pieces once more. For the last time.

Yu~ki lowered his eyes, looking down on the floor. A while the older man was just quiet but after few seconds Klaha heard desperate sobs escaping the older man’s lips.

The vocalist wrapped silently his arms around the other man who leant his shivering body against Klaha’s. For the younger man it was not funny to see his dear friend crying like that and he regretted he had mentioned Közi’s name like that.

“Yu~ki-san, don’t cry” Klaha tried to reassure the crying bassist who sobbed quietly against his shoulder. He picked Yu~ki up in his arms and embraced the older man gently. “It’s okay… everything’s alright. Or not yet, but everything is going to be alright.”

“How you can stand me? I’m just a crying old fool…” Yu~ki stammered middle of the sobbing and grabbed at the vocalist’s shirt holding the fabric in his hands. Silent, desperate cries of the bassist sounded so heartbreaking that Klaha felt himself sad as well.

The vocalist stroked softly Yu~ki’s back, reassuring the older man and trying to calm him sobs and tears.

“You are not old and you are not fool. You are beautiful man who just fell in love with the wrong guy.”

“Why…” Yu~ki’s voice broke and he closed his eyes. “Why did it have to be Közi… Why I couldn’t fell in love with somebody else, like you? Why did it have to be Közi…” Tears poured down from his eyes to his cheeks and continued their way under Yu~ki’s chin, leaving his face all wet and warm.

“Közi is stupid. He’s the fool if he doesn’t understand what he left behind, what he lost when he left you.” Klaha lifted his hand on Yu~ki’s face and brushed his tears away from his cheeks. “Don’t bother to cry for him.”

The younger man’s words had hardly any effect to the older man, who still leaned his head on his shoulder and sobbed. Klaha felt himself distressed when he couldn’t make the other feel any better. He sighed, swearing to kill Közi if he ever again came near to Yu~ki, wondering what was so wrong it this world that it allowed the loveliest person Klaha knew to fall in love with total bastard who didn’t care about his feelings.

Yet all that the vocalist could do was to listen to Yu~ki’s heartbreaking sobs, stroke the bassist’s back and just be there for him. It would’ve been cruel to leave Yu~ki alone at the moment. Tonight he would stay with his friend and help him to get over the former lover. And from that he got an idea.

“Yu~ki-san, your former bar-trip went a little bust, but I thought you could come with me and few of our friends into a safe nightclub.” Klaha smiled and moved his fingers under Yu~ki’s chin, raising the older man’s face to look at his eyes. “There would be people you know and who would take care of you.”

Yu~ki looked very doubtful and avoided the younger man’s friendly way demanding eyes.

“I’m not sure…”

“You should come. To have some fun. Please, Yu~ki-saaan~…” Klaha smiled and stared at Yu~ki with the eyes of a lost and hungry little puppy dog that the older man couldn’t resist.

“Fine. Just for you. But if I don’t enjoy, is it okay for me to leave?” Yu~ki had stopped crying and he dried his wet face on Klaha’s shirt. The vocalist didn’t bother to say anything because he was happy he had caused Yu~ki to do something like that. Even if it wasn’t much…

“We’ll both leave if you don’t enjoy.” He hugged his friend and picked him up from his lap back to sit on the couch. “Can I borrow one of your shirts? You wet mine…”

Yu~ki nodded in agreement and Klaha headed his steps towards the older man’s closet. They were almost the same size and it wasn’t hard for Klaha to find a fitting shirt for himself.

“How is it, do you want to change your clothes or make-up yourself?” He asked politely and kept the closet’s door open if Yu~ki wanted to search replacing clothes.

“I’ll wear something light up, with the clothes and with the make-up” the bassist informed and stood up from the couch, ending up in front of the mirror, staring at his own face. “I look like I’ve been crying…”

“You have been crying.” Klaha smiled and placed his hands down on Yu~ki’s shoulders from behind, looking at the older man in the mirror. “But it doesn’t make you look less pretty than you are.”

Yu~ki snorted and still stared at his own reflection critically. “I’m not pretty, or beautiful. Not after crying when I look like… like I’ve been crying.”

“Again: You have been crying. Don’t be so self-hating. Everybody knows you’re beautiful.”

“Except Közi.”

Klaha sighed. Not again this subject. Gladly Yu~ki looked like he had already cried his eyes dry from tears and just wasn’t able to cry anymore even if he wanted to. Silently the younger man wrapped his arms around Yu~ki’s waist and hugged him.

“Forget about Közi. Who cares about his opinion? And even if we cared, I think he also finds you attractive. “

“But I just wasn’t attractive enough for him.” Yu~ki sighed and lowered his head down, feeling so depressed about this conversation and Klaha knew that.

“Promise me you won’t ever talk about Közi to me anymore.” Klaha demanded and raised Yu~ki’s head again with his hand, looking at the older man’s cry-caused blurry, brown eyes.

The older man sighed again but nodded for agreement.

***

It wasn’t until an hour later that the two got themselves into Klaha’s car. Klaha was wearing one of Yu~ki’s most impersonate white shirts and Yu~ki… Yu~ki was looking better now that he had washed his face and added some make-up to hide the fact that he had been crying an hour before. He didn’t actually feel like crying anymore, but sort of …numb. Empty. He stared out of the car window as Klaha drove out of the parking lot.

“I didn’t invite a whole bunch of people” Klaha filled the silence with a quiet, understanding voice. Yu~ki didn’t really care what the younger man was saying, but in a way he listened. Not what was said, but the voice. It filled some of he emptiness. “Shigeru-kun and Reiko-chan are already waiting for us at the club.”

“Who else is coming?” Yu~ki sighed in a tired voice that he had hard time recognizing as his own. He didn’t really care about the answer, but it was good to hear it anyhow. And it was relieving that Klaha made no comment about this little change.

“Saionji Toshi.” The name was faintly familiar but it got a face only after Klaha continued: ”We met him at last year’s film festival in Okinawa. And surprise, surprise, he happens to be acquaintance with Reiko-chan. I was quite surprised to meet him two weeks ago.” The younger man was quiet for a while, before looking at Yu~ki by the car window. “He was quite thrilled for the chance to meet you again, Yu~ki-san. You two had lots to talk about the last time you met.”

Yu~ki sighed. He really didn’t have enough energy to get exited about anything at the moment. He had promised not to talk about Közi, but somehow the man found his way into his thoughts anyway.

“I remember him” he just admitted.

***

“Yu~ki-san!” Sakurada Reiko’s ever heartfelt voice rang over the parking lot as Klaha opened the door for him. He would’ve smiled, Klaha was ever such a gentleman, but he didn’t feel like smiling at the moment. The woman hurried to them and took his hand between hers. “Klaha told us to treat you gently tonight, but he didn’t tell us anything specific. My dearest Yu~ki-san, has some horrible woman broken your heart in the while you haven’t been around?”

“Reiko-chan…” Klaha sighed with a warning tone and Yu~ki was thankful to him. He had no desire to explain why he looked so unhappy. He was still thinking it would’ve been better if he stayed home, brooding like the last few weeks.

“Ah, Klaha darling, how are you?” The woman turned her attention on the younger man, who smiled at her.

“I am fine, how are you?”

“And there she goes, stealing all the attention of our rock-star friends.” A man walked up to them, or actually two. The other man stayed behind the other. Yu~ki recognized the first as Tousen Shigeru, Klaha’s long time friend. “Yu~ki-san, you seem tired.”

“Do I?” he faked a sly smile that made the man chuckle.

“Hai. Stressful time with your band?” Yu~ki thought about the question. What could he answer? Klaha, as always, came as his saving knight.

“We are all tired at the moment” the younger man smiled and shook hands with his friend. “The break has only just begun. Yu~ki-san works hard, so it’s no wonder he feels more tired than I. I’m only the singer.”

“You degrade yourself, Klaha-kun” Yu~ki said quietly, not bothering to correct the other man’s words. They saved him from lots of explaining.

“We almost forgot!” Reiko’s voice interrupted the conversation and the woman pulled the yet unspoken man to Yu~ki’s sight. “Yu~ki-san, this is Saionji Toshi-kun. He’s staying in town till next week. He’s a bit shy, so don’t scare him too much!”

“Saionji-san and I have met” Yu~ki smiled and the younger man blushed, bowing to him dutifully.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Yu~ki-san”

“Klaha-kun!” Reiko whined. ”You didn’t tell me they have already met!” Klaha grit his teeth flinching visibly at the loud voice on his side.

“But I did tell you” he murmured. “I told you we met last year when Yu~ki-san took me to the film festival in Okinawa.” The woman seemed to find enlightening.

“Ah, yes, I might recall you mentioning that…”

“Shall we go inside, minna-san?” Shigeru suggested ever so politely. “The night air is relatively cold.”

“I agree” Klaha said and Yu~ki nodded. He resumed a little small-talk with Saionji as they started towards the club-entrance. It was somehow very liberating to talk about movies and the little details one who didn’t watch movies as a hobby couldn’t see. It gave him a chance to distance himself a little about the happenings before while he concentrated on things he enjoyed. As always it was satisfying to speak with a person who had seen the same movies as him, who had noticed the same things as him and knew how to speak about them in his language.

It might not be so bad to relax just for tonight. For once Klaha’s thought had been good.

***

How did he end up in this? Leading a young man, close about his own age, towards at the hotel. Why?

Közi was there just because he was so despareate for trying to forget Yu~ki’s memory from his mind. Sex with the woman was not any kind of help; it just made him feel even worse. In guitarist’s mind the reason was the fact of Yu~ki as a man. He couldn’t forget the bassist because he was same sex with him. So Közi thought. So he wanted to think.

The boy walked little bit more behind him than next to him. He felt shy and confused, not like he had been in the bar. In the bar that boy tried to hit on him and sent him an eyesighs. When Közi showed his consideration to the boy, they ended up to walk at the hotel where Közi had reserved a room for a night. Just if he’d be lucky and found a boy to have sex with. And like very often, Közi had been lucky.

They stepped inside from the hotels outdoors and headed their steps towards the elevator. When they were in, Közi pressed a button of the sixth floor and the elevator started to move up.

Közi assumed the boy felt more relaxed when there was not so much people around them and the guitarist could feel how the other touched his arm and stroked it lightly.

It would have been polite or friendly Közi to smile for the boy to encourage him, but he didn’t feel like smiling. Instead he turned towards the boy, pressed him against the elevator’s wall and wrapped his arms around the other man’s hips.

The boy’s body against his... it felt weird, because the boy was european. Light colored hair and blue eyes, body with much more muscles than Közi had and the guitarist felt it. Even though the other was also a few sentimetres longer than Közi it didn’t stop him from biting that boy’s neck.

The only thing what really bothered was again that weird feeling inside of Közi. Sharp knife cutting through his heart leaving just a bleeding wound behind. It didn’t feel right... what he was doing didn’t feel right.

Throwing away all those thoughs when the elevator arrived at the sixth floor, Közi pushed the boy out from it and walked by him heading at the room he had reserved.

With a silvery key he opened high-class wooden door and stepped inside, undressing his coat and leaving it lying on the floor. The european boy came after him, without saying a word, just looking at Közi with demanding eyes.

“Shut the door behind you, baby” Közi asked and the boy obeyed, closing the door after them. The whole hotelroom was dark because Közi didn’t bother to turn on the lights. Darkness was much more confortable for him. He didn’t care to see the other one’s face, his expressions or nothing.

After closing the door, the boy came up to Közi and kissed his cheek softly. A new cut appeared into Közi’s heart. I just didn’t feel right to do. Did he regret? When he looked less precisely he could even see how the European boy’s face turned into Yu~ki’s.

The imagination scared a hell out of Közi and he took a step further away from the young man, who looked at him curiously.

“Is everything okay, Közi-san?” The boy asked with a silent, caring tone of voice. In Közi’s age and still so unaware about anything.

“I’m fine” Közi informed and shook his head throwing away the scary image about his former lover. He needed to concentrate in this specific moment when he could say sweet farewells to everything what had bothered him since after the night spend with Yu~ki.

The guitarist engouraged himself and placed his hand down on the European boy’s waistline, caressing gently. When the boy leaned his body against Közi’s, the guitarist let himself smile once.

This was going on perfectly, just like he had planed like. First a few images about Yu~ki, thinking if this really was right. And then just... let it go. Közi remainded to himself that after a night with this boy, Yu~ki would be just a fading memory. Pity it could ruin the band totally, if either he or Yu~ki left because of the other.

But after a sleepless nights and tired mornings because of the bassist, Közi was happy to do this. His own life was going to be better. There was no point for both to suffer.

And love, that needless, unneccesary feeling. He would live without it. As he had live without even to this point. The love had already destroyed a friendship. It wouldn’t destroy him.

With these thoughs Közi wrapped one arm around the young man’s waistline and the second one he wrapped around the other’s neck. He pressed his body against the boy’s and kissed him.

Farewells? Eternal goodbyes to everything he had had with Yu~ki? Lost of a dear friend, twice. First Kami. The Butterfly-boy had died because no one took a contact to him. Közi never stopped to blame himself about Kami’s death, but he knew everybody else did the same: Blamed theirselfs. Could he take another lost? Was he ready to lose Yu~ki just because he was afraid of love?

Közi knew he would blame himself if he lost Yu~ki. And this time, the whole band would blame him. He ruined the bassist. But why?

Why he always found it so painful to think Yu~ki with another? That boy in the bar... why he hit him? Probably he didn’t ruin just Yu~ki, but also Yu~ki’s night. Was he sorry about that?

No, no he wasn’t.

And suddenly everything became so clear in Közi’s mind. He ripped himself off from the European boy, who looked him with confused eyes while he grapped his coat and dressed it on.

He never explained why he left. He said nothing, just left.

The guitarist was the only one who knew how he felt at the moment when he ran out of the hotel. But as Közi thought it: It wasn’t important what he felt, when he felt and where he felt. Most important thing was: Towards whom he felt.

***

Meanwhile at the center of Tokyo two tired but happy guys dressed their coats on and left from the bar.

After a night Yu~ki was heading at the band house, Toshi accompanied with him. They were the only one’s left.

Klaha had been very tired and he had left few hours earlier with Shigeru and Reiko. But he didn’t doubt to leave Yu~ki under Toshi’s guarding eyes. Toshi was a good boy and he would never let Yu~ki to get in any kind of trouble.

It had been great idea to bring Yu~ki into a bar with familiar company, who all knew him and kept eyes on him.

Although Toshi had been positive surprise for Klaha when he realized how well Yu~ki and Toshi got along with each other. They had spoke whole night about the movies and Toshi had really been intrested in which kind of films the older man watched in his free time.

Somewhere around 11pm Klaha had informed he’ll go home and left Toshi and Yu~ki talk about Ryuuhei Matsuda’s new movie. The vocalist knew he could count on Toshi to take Yu~ki safety at the band house.

And now the couple were heading towards the apartment where Yu~ki should sleep until the morning. Yu~ki walking next to him, Toshi asked more questions about the bassist.

“Soo, are you in a relationship with someone?” The younger man asked curiously and tilted his head on the left side to look even more curious.

Yu~ki laughed softly and shook his head. “No. Who would want an old fool like me?”

“I think many people would be intrested in you if you’d be more open.”

Yu~ki laughed even more and wrapped his arm around Toshi’s shoulders, taking the younger man’s hair between his fingers and playing with them.

“You remind me from my dear friend who died year ago. He was always telling me what I should do and what I shouldn’t.”

Bittersweet smile rose on Yu~ki’s face. A memory of Kami made him think he had been in this kind of situation before: Walking from the bar at the aparment to sleep. At first time it had just been Kami, this time it was Toshi.

Toshi was kind of like Kami: Honest and open, always trying to be intrested in everything.

But a memory of Kami reminded to him that no one, not even a soul ever would be good enough to replace Kami to Yu~ki. And he wondered would he even be here, if Kami was still alive. Would he have any problems with Közi and his own feelings if the drummer was still in this world?

When he felt the familiar burning in his eyes caused by the reaction of crying, Yu~ki changed the subject.

“Who would be intrested in me?” The bassist smiled and looked at Toshi, who blushed and started to stammer something which Yu~ki couldn’t tell what it was. “Now, don’t be shy. Tell me.”

The younger man took a deep breath and stopped suddenly, so Yu~ki stopped with him. Toshi’s eyes were lowered and the blush on his cheeks got more and more red. With another deep breath Toshi stepped from beside of Yu~ki in front of him, still couldn’t look at the bassist in his eyes.

“Toshi-kun?” Yu~ki wondered if the other was anymore alive. Felt like braindead. Didn’t say anything, just moved and breathed slowly. Like a walking corpse: Zombie. How nice though to think about anyone.

“Yu~ki-san...” Toshi started carefully and Yu~ki sighed for the relief that Toshi wasn’t a braindead zombie. “Since I met you back there at Okinawa, I have thought you are interesting person. And I thought... I think we get along pretty well...”

“Please continue, Toshi-kun.”

“I heard from Klaha that you are just going through a difficult break up... And I could help you. Since I met you first time I have wanted to know more about you. Tonight we have talked and I think I know already a small part of you. I want to know more...”

Where was this heading to? Yu~ki had bad doubts about the reason, but first he decided that when he’ll get at band house to sleep, he’ll call straight to Klaha and ask him how many people know he had had a relationship with Közi.

Before Yu~ki could say anything the younger man had stepped closer and pressed his lips against Yu~ki’s.

‘Oh, gosh, what have I done?’ Yu~ki thought pitying the boy in front of him. He had given wrong singnals to Toshi and now the other thought Yu~ki would be intrested in him. Thought he wasn’t! He wasn’t ready for new relationship when an image of Közi burned and killed his mind. He couldn’t have yet new man when he still lived in a wish he could someday be good enough for the guitarist.

Yu~ki was not able to answer to the kiss and Toshi realized it soon. He gave up from even trying. The bassist sighed and looked sadly at the younger man.

“Gomenasai, Toshi-kun, I...”

The line remained unfinished when Yu~ki saw from the corner of his eye a car driving straight towards them. No, not completety straight, it was curving from the road’s one side to the other, so Yu~ki could see the driver was completely intoxicated. But the driving was heading at them; him and Toshi.

Before he even realized what he was doing, Yu~ki pushed Toshi out from the street. Nothing more he couldn’t do, just think: ‘This is going to hurt...’

The car hit on Yu~ki, first in thighs, but when he fell half on his knees the car hit on the ribs and threw Yu~ki few metres straight ahead. After finishing, the driver drove away with his car. Nobody ever got know why the driver directed his car at Yu~ki and Toshi.

The bassist was near to unsconcious and he felt horrible pain in his head and his waistline. He couldn’t move even for a bit. Everything went all dark and then brightened again in the same rythm with his heart’s pulsation. Soon the lights turned their color on blue and red. And then Yu~ki blacked out.

***

Közi carried a single rose in his hands. He had found a whole bush of dark red roses from the garbage and wondered, why would anybody throw away such a beutiful flowers, but it would have been too much not him to bring all twelve. So he gave the others to a girl who lived on the streets.

The single rose he carried was meant to be given to Yu~ki. It was an apology and a gift. He would have bought some chocolate too, though Yu~ki liked that sweet very much, but none of the stores were open at this hour. So he could buy some chocolate tomorrow and give the flower today.

He had already searched from Yu~ki’s house, but Yu~ki had not been there and the whole apartment was dark. The second option was the band house. He needed to find the bassist before the rose would dry and die.

When he was at the stairs of the band house, he took a deep breath and started to think what he would say to the older man to make him forgive him.

“Should I say ‘Yu~ki-chan, I’m sorry what I did to you. I didn’t mean to hurt... I brought you a flower...’ Yeah no. How about ‘Yu~ki, I brought you a rose to make you forgive...’ No. God dammit, I’m just going inside and tell him I’m sorry!” So he opened the outdoor, runing all those stairs up in the highest floor where their band house was.

Again he stopped before the final door. “If he’s mad at me? If my flower won’t help?” He looked down on the rose between his hands. It looked like very pretty rose.

“Ah, darn this, I can’t give just a flower... he’ll make me eat it!” A while Közi just listened what he had said and he needed to stop himself from hitting his head on the wall. “Since when Yu~ki has started to make people eat flowers...” The guitarist sighed, relaxed and took a band house’s key, shoved it into the lock and opened the door.

After all, there were people inside of the apartment. Just none of them wasn’t Yu~ki.

“Mana-chan? Klaha-kun? But… where’s Yu~ki?” Közi stared at his band mates, who looked abnormally serious. The guitarist noticed that Klaha held a cell phone in his hand and shivered while Mana stroked the vocalist’s hair.

A long time silense remained in the room, until Klaha raised his from the cell phone and looked at Közi. The expression on his face was not angry. It was empty.

“Yu~ki... Yu~ki has been in a car accident. They took him in the central hospital and... Közi? What are you...?”

But it was too late. The rose from Közi’s hands had already dropped on the carpet and Közi had seen Klaha’s car’s keys.

Before either Mana or Klaha could stop him, Közi had already taken the keys and they only heard how the guitarist ran down from the stairs and headed out.

Közi’s mind was blurry. Yu~ki? In a car accident? Hospital? In panic Közi searched Klaha’s car from the yard, opened the front door stepping inside. He turned the power on and how ironic it was when the band leader and the vocalist showed up in the yard just in time to see how Közi almost drove Klaha’s car at the street lamb and made a few scratches on the car while doing it.

But Közi had no reason to turn back anymore and apologise the damage he caused on Klaha’s brand new car. All he thought was: ‘If he’s dying there... He can’t die! What am I going to do if he’s not around? I will be lost... I won’t let him die. He deserves better than a death in the central hospital just because some stupid moron drove over him!’

And while Közi was swearing revenge for that “stupid moron” he didn’t see how he by himself almost drove over a few citizens.

With a fast car and panic mind Közi could cause much trouble in the center, but he also got quickly at the hospital where Yu~ki was. Leaving the car in front of the hospital where it was forbidden to park it the guitarist ran inside and headed his steps at the reception.

“Where’s Yu~ki?” He asked and looked straight at the receptionist, who was a young girl, probably had just started the job.

“I-I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t tell –“

“WHERE IS MY YU~KI?!”

Közi is creepy even if he’s normal, so you can imagine the reaction of the receptionist-girl who got all that shouting out of Közi. The whole hospital was suddenly totally silent. Nobody moved or said nothing and some of the patients and nurses even thought Közi was a terrorist.

“R-room n-n-number 45, s-sir. I-i-i-it’s the 3th floor.”

He didn’t thank anybody, not the receptionist. He didn’t apologize from anybody. Közi was in such a hurry he couldn’t even wait for elevator to come, so he chose the stairs.

‘If he’s dying... If my beautiful Yu~ki is going to die...’ He needed to stop himself from crying to make himself run the stairs even faster, all the way up to the third floor. When he was there, he searched the room number 45 and rushed inside.

All Közi saw was Yu~ki lying on the hospital bed. It was enough for him.

“Yu~ki! Yu~ki you fucking bastard! You cannot die! You can’t leave me like this!” He ran straight towards Yu~ki, threwing himself on the bed and grapping on Yu~ki’s shirt. “If this is the punishment of what I did to you, I’m so god dammit fucking sorry! You can hate me! Do what ever you want! Just... just...” His voice got broken. “...just don’t leave me like this. Don’t leave me alone... Aishiteiru, Yu~ki! Aishiteiru!!”

“Közi... I have no intentions to die but... gosh, Közi, you squeeze me to death.”

How shocking it can be to man who thinks his lover is dying and he screames out everything he feels for the other... just to realize his lover is not dying at all.

“Y-Yu~ki?” Közi raised his face from Yu~ki’s chest and met the brown, almond shaped eyes of his former lover who had tilted his head on the left side. “You are... fine?”

“Yes, definitely, nothing really to worry about. Just a broken rib, concussion, random scratches and a bruise. So if you could move up from my stomach.” Yu~ki looked like he was really in pain when Közi lay on him.

“Sorry...” The guitarist rose up and sat in the corner of the bed, avoiding the look of Yu~ki’s eyes. He really first time in his whole life felt himself so embarrassed that he couldn’t even face it like a man.

“Nice to hear you worry about me, after all” the bassist behind him whispered and lowered his eyes also embarrassing a bit.

Közi had no time to say what he wanted to before Klaha and Mana showed up.

“Quite a mess down there. Közi, my special thanks for ruining my car.” Klaha growled with a low voice and looked like he would like to bite Közi’s head off.

Saviour of the situation was Mana, who carried a rose between his hands and dropped it on Yu~ki. The bassist was quite confused.

“Well, thanks Mana, but...”

“It’s not from Mana. It’s from Közi.” Klaha sighed and looked very seriosly towards Közi who once in a lifetime just sat quiet without causing any trouble for himself or for the others. “I believe it was an apology.”

Yu~ki turned his eyes from Mana to Közi, who was living his own inner life at the corner of his bed. The younger man played with his gaze and caused funny shadow images with his long fingers.

Mana poked on Klaha’s shoulder, pointing first at Yu~ki and Közi, then Klaha and himself and finally the door. Because the hospital was a public place, of course: Mana didn’t speak. But Klaha was intelligent enough to realize the message. Giving a last doubtful glance towards the guitarist sitting on the bed, he gave up and walked out from the room with Mana and closed the door behind them.

A while which felt like eternity for both Yu~ki and Közi, they just remained in silence, without even daring to look at each other. Közi broke the silence.

“Yu~ki...”

“Közi?”

“I’m sorry. For everything. I’m sorry for your mental and physical wounds. I did lots of stupid things. And I regret all of them. But I cannot help I’m still thinking like an optimistic and hoping you’ll forgive me.”

“God damn it, Közi. How you can even think that I could...” When Közi looked at Yu~ki, he saw serious face and bright eyes. The bassist seemed to be so sure. “...ever... hate you.”

Közi couldn’t believe what he just heard and he turned around towards Yu~ki and looked like a child waiting a birthday pressent.

“Hontouni? You forgive me?”

Yu~ki smiled softly. Or so softly as you can when you have a bad headache and you waist feels like it would any time rip off all by itself. “Hontouni, Közi.”

Very carefully and gently Közi came little closer to Yu~ki, picked the older man from the bed on the guitarist’s arms. He held Yu~ki softly on his lap, stroking the bassist from everywhere he reached.

“You sounded quite serious when you screamed you love me” Yu~ki mumbled leaning his head against Közi’s shoulder. After all Közi caused to him and he wondered how he could forgive so easily. And the reason was: Közi had always been such a weirdo, but Yu~ki loved it. Honest, funny and gentle guy, thought he was a bit grazy. Perfect.

“I was serious” Közi bit his neck to proof his word in a weird way.

“You are weirdo.”

“Now and forever.”

“That’s why I fell in love with you.”

Everything would have been perfect, until Yu~ki’s second personality showed up with Butterfly-Kami.

‘Think you’ll be all right then? Közi will take care of you and you can always protect yourself. My work is done here. Remember: You can always come up to my grave. I won’t answer you like this anymore, but I’ll be there listening.’

“Thanks Kami.”

Then Kami vanished and just the butterfly remained. Pink one. It flied away from the open window and disappeared in to a sunrise.

Also the other Yu~ki came up to talk with him.

‘Anou, I think I’m not needed anymore. You have your own pervert to deal with.’ He pointed at Közi who seemed so innocent when he just caressed Yu~ki’s body.

‘Soo, I’m going too. I won’t tell where you’ll find me, but I can say it’s not so far than you think.’ Then the other Yu~ki vanished in a same way like Kami did and just the bee with yellow and black stripes remainded from the vanishing.

“Yu~ki! There’s a bee!”

Before Yu~ki had time to stop him, Közi had picked up a magazine from the table and smashed the bee against a wall.

“Közi! You killed my second personality! Oh... wait, sorry, it was not mine.”

“And they say I’m a weirdo...”

________________________________________________________________

Aishiteiru = I love you

Hontouni = Really?

________________________________________________________________

A/N2: *Laugh* You really thought I would leave it here, don’t you guys? ^_____^ Keep dreaming, while I’m not doing it. I just can’t keep my fingers away from the keyboard when we talk about Közi and Yu~ki. So there is still random amount of spin-off’s coming up to read. Wait until then.

Lunaris thanks all of you for your support, and I’m not going anywhere. You just can’t get rid of me. ^____^ Leave a comment and visit at my site: http://www.geocities.com/worstexcuse

A/N3: We counted all pairings which remain in this story. All in all there were over 10 differrent, possible couples, and I just had to list them.

Lets start from the beginning.

Gackt/Mana

Gackt/Közi

Yu~ki/Kami

Klaha/Mana

Yu~ki/Közi

Klaha/Yu~ki

The other Yu~ki(or so called Yu~ki II or Illuminati-Yu~ki, however you want to call it)/Kami-Butterfly

Közi/random woman

Yu~ki/random vanilla-boy in the bar

Közi/random european boy

Yu~ki/Toshi
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