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Heartbroken	By : purplecandlelight Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rasmus Views: 1190 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rasmus. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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His lips moved with urgency against mine as his arms pulled me tight against him. I knew what was happening. I knew I was being used as a means to upset Sara, this kiss was the hit he couldn’t physically throw at her – so I was sacrificed instead. Her feet stopped and without looking I knew her mouth was hanging agape. All the while I knew these things, I couldn’t hold back, so I let my arms wrap around his thick neck and pulled his lips down harder against mine as I let my tongue slip along the line of his bottom lip, enjoying what I figured would be the first and last taste I would ever have of him.

“What the hell?” satisfied with her shrill reaction Lauri pulled away from me, shifting his eyes from mine to hers quickly.

“Sorry Sara, but I think you were wrong about me not finding someone who would understand me.” A smug smile skewing his normally soft features, he took my hand and headed for the door, stopping briefly to pick up an acoustic guitar case resting by the front door. Sliding into the back seat of the cab I tried to calm my mind as I pondered what had just happened and more importantly, how I felt about it. Lauri had just kissed me and I had kissed him back, really kissed him back. Did he even notice? Did he care? Had it meant anything to him? “Hey,” I jumped as his hand landed on mine, “you ok? You’re shaking.” A glance down at my hands proved him right and as his hands wrapped tighter around mine the shaking only continued. Watching the veins in the back of his masculine hands as his grip slowly tightened I found myself growing more disgusted with what had just transpired between us – or perhaps more with the notion that I was the only one who noticed anything to have happened.

“Why’d you do that?” I asked in earnest, letting my eyes wonder up to meet his.

“I dunno,” his eyes looking down to my hands trying to still them once again, “it’s stupid I know, but I wanted to make her hurt too.” I was now officially the friend that poses as the new girl friend for revenge and the nauseous feeling in my stomach must have been one of the more charming side effects of playing that part. “She totally bought it once you started playing into it.” His eyes, dancing like a child with a new toy, landed in mine, causing me to pull my hands away from him and look away quickly. “Anna?”

“Sorry Lauri,” focusing my attention out the window, “I don’t feel so well, something we ate at breakfast didn’t settle well with me.” I lied for lack of knowing what else to do. I lied in an attempt to protect my heart which was cracking in two. Before I knew it we were back at my place with Lauri closing the white door behind us.

“You wanna watch a movie or something?” his voice for some reason again coated in that normal nervous innocence.

“You go ahead,” I’d never had to try so hard to smile at him, he’d never given me a reason to have to before, “I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. See if I can shake this feeling.”

“Oh, ok.” his eyes shifting to the floor.

“If you need to go out or whatever you know where the extra key is.” I reminded him as I made my way to the bed room. Shutting the door I felt as though I had finally entered a safe haven, a place where he couldn’t get to me. Kicking off my converse I lay down on top of my blankets, slowly reaching down to the foot of the bed for a light weight deep purple throw, which I quickly wrap around me. Laying there, the afternoon sun cascading through my barely covered window I recalled with exact detail how those lips felt against mine: smooth pink skin with a rough edge of stubble pressed firmly against my eager lips. His taste was just as I had imagined it, distinctly him and completely indescribable; he tasted like childhood, like memories of hanging out in high school, like everything we had ever shared. I pulled the blanket tighter around me as cool tears began streaming down my cheeks. Sobbing quietly I allowed myself to slip into the comfort I needed the most, the comfort of uncomplicated sleep.

There was no light shining through my window when my eyes opened. The room was instead enveloped in the cool dark of night and as I slowly blinked my eyes I noticed that I could feel how puffy and read my eyes still were from the tears I had given birth to earlier and without hesitation my mind wondered back to him and again my mind was inundated with questions I couldn’t answer. Unwrapping myself from the shelter of my blanket I made my way to the door, which opened without even a hint of sound. The flickering light of the television was all that illuminated the apartment – he sat slouching down in the couch, mindlessly flipping through channel after channel of mindless dribble.

“That’s why I don’t watch television.” he jumped slightly as my words hit his ears, causing his head to spin around, eyes landing square in mine.

“You feelin’ any better?” I came around the couch, taking a seat next to him.

“Yeah.” Watching his eyes I noticed something different, something I’d never seen, perhaps apprehension clouding over those earthy green orbs.

“Do you not want me here?” the tone of his words told me he’d been running the words over in his head for quite some time.

“What kind of question is that?” my smile coming across as more afraid than sincere.

“Anna, there was something wrong, there was last night and there still is today. . .”

“Lauri, I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” I could feel my hands trembling again as his eyes focused harder on mine.

“That’s what I’m talking about Anna.” his voice exasperated, “you won’t talk to me.” My back stiffened as his body scooted closer to mine. “We’ve always talked to each other about our problems; I don’t understand why you’re shutting me out now.”

“Maybe there’s just something’s I can’t talk to you about Lauri.” I admitted almost with out thinking about it as my head fell into my hands.

“You should know by now there’s nothing you can’t tell me Anna.” words dripping with concern and just as I was about to argue the point with him I felt two strong arms wrap around my shoulders. My body gave way in his embrace and I let him pull me down, resting my head against his chest. Silently, his fingers worked their way through my hair and I laid there studying his measured heartbeat under that soft cotton of his shirt. “You’ve never been afraid to tell me anything in the twenty years we’ve known each other. . .”

“Just let me lay here like this for a bit.” My words cutting him off and no doubt garnering me an odd look in response, but he made no sound. Instead he pulled me in tighter against his frame, petting my hair softly. Letting my eyes drift closed I was mesmerized by the steady sound of his heart – the cadence of his life. It was in that beating organ that I could hear so many of the songs I knew by heart, they were all a part of him: they were him.

“Anna, please tell me what’s going on,” his words just above a whisper, “I’m really starting to worry about you.”

“Really sweetie there’s nothing for you to worry about.” my half hearted words were met with a discontented sigh.

“Why are you being so difficult lately?” Did he know he was wearing me down? Did something about my words tell him that if he asked enough times I’d give in? These were the thoughts coursing through my mind as another silence filled the dimly lit room.

“I just don’t want things to change.” my mouth pressed against the white cotton of his shirt, hoping that the sound of tears was hidden in my voice.

“Nothing will change things between us.” and with out shifting his body to see my face he trailed his hand over my cheek, gently wiping the tears off my skin.

“This is so stupid, I’m supposed to be the one consoling you right now dear.” Breaking free of his embrace I sat up, wiped my eyes and looked at his still reclined form. “You’re the one who’s had his heart broken, I should be taking care of you right now.”

“No,” sitting up and taking my hand in his once again, “don’t think that way. You’ve already done so much for me, you’ve helped me, this whole thing is in the past now, it’s old news.” My eyes met his, trying to find the lie, but I couldn’t.

“You’re still upset Lauri, stop trying to act like everything is all better.”

“But so much of it is better. Yes it still hurts and it will for sometime, but as always you’ve reminded me that I deserve, I need, something better than what I had.” an honest smile slipped across his lips, raising his cheeks slightly and brightening those eyes. “And you’re the only one who could make me see that. You took care of me last night like I was yours, you took care of me today by looking after me, opening your home to me, and by playing along with the kiss. . .”

“Don’t bring up that damn kiss.” the strength of my words diminished by the weakness in my voice. The shocked look on his face was evident even out of my peripheral vision.

“I’m sorry Anna, I didn’t realize you’d be so upset about that. . .” he stammered, looking for the right words, “it was just a stupid gut reaction.”

“I just wish you wouldn’t have done that.”

“Wait, if you didn’t want to play along you didn’t have to,” a frustrated sigh leaving his chest, “if I recall you were the one who deepened the kiss in the first place.”

“That was just my natural reaction.”

“Wait, now your talking in circles, how can you be mad at me for your natural reaction?” It was at this moment that I both felt and heard my resolve break. I new I couldn’t keep this going and not destroy the friendship we had; the only option I had was the hope that the truth wouldn’t have the same result.

“Because kissing me was just a stupid gut reaction for you Lauri.” my words barely out of my mouth I stood and walked to the kitchen in search of a stiff drink.

“Well what the hell was it to you Anna? Something mo. . .”his words died out and not because I was too far away to hear them. . .he had finally put my pieces together
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Heartbroken