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Ash and Rain	By : corrodedcage Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > D'espairs Ray Views: 1534 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of D'espairsRay. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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I am SO sorry to anyone and everyone who was even reading this sad little piece of shit. *grovels* Work and life have been kicking my ass lately, not to mention my muse pretty much got skullfucked and is still trying to recouperate from that...

*curls up and dies*

Anywho-- here's the long-awaited (fyeah, I wish) third chapter of "Ash and Rain". Still told from Tsukasa's point of view, with a few segments of 3rd-person POV~♪

[The Edge of Heartache]

The rest of that week, there had been an unescapable friction and distance between Hizumi and I. Hizumi hadn't called me for the remainder of that week, nor had he spoken that much to me during any of our practices; the majority of what he did feel the need to say to me had been band-related as well. Regardless, for whatever reason, I found that I really wasn't that upset about the whole ordeal. Well, sure-- I was upset... just-- not as broken up as I'd expected myself to be.

'Not upset'...... I wasn't that inhumane...

... was I?

Whatever. It really didn't matter how I was.

I shoved my icy hands into the pockets of my black trench, breathing a small sigh of relief as I heard the familiar sound of an approaching train filling my ears. Not that it really mattered any, but I'd noticed the weather had been in a state of flux recently, too. For the most part, it'd been pretty mild out during mornings such as these... however, for whatever reason, this morning was cold... harsh, and unforgivingly frigid. Enough to warrant the heavy coat I'd donned before leaving my apartment.

I could only pray that this unpleasant weather wasn't a boding of things to come.

The familiar automated voice of the woman instructing passengers to 'please stand behind the appropriately marked line until the train docked' belted out via the overhead speakers in the same manner that it did every fifteen minutes or so... thought today, it seemed to go through one ear and out the other even smoother than it normally tended to. That could have very well been because I would have gladly flung myself into the path of an on-coming train, had I been in my right mind and not so mentally exhausted.

Unconciously heeding to the mechanical wench's wishes, I stood perfectly still on the station platform until the train came to a screeching halt on the rickity tracks before me. All I could do was hug my coat a bit tighter to my body as I slowly ambled through the automatic metal doors... trying to keep my mind off of the very place I was headed for as long as I possibly could.

×××

"Nee... Is something wrong?"

Karyu leaned a bit further into the metallic backing of the collapsable chair which he'd been slumped within for a good ten minutes of so-- his gaze alternating between the equally slumped vocalist splayed adjacent to him, and the half-full rack of guitars sitting in front of him. Really, it wasn't everyday that he got the chance to speak with anyone alone like this... let alone someone like Hizumi.

Haphazardly, the both of them had arrived a bit early for band practice that morning-- and as a result, had been camped out inside of the stuffy confines of the recording studio for quite some time... with silence as their only companion.

"Hmm? Me?" Hizumi straightened slightly from his previously crooked position, voice peppered with forced cheer as his left index finger directed itself towards his chest in question. "Nooo... Nothing at all, really."

A terrible silence cut through the air before the vocalist shoved the remaining words from where they lay firmly lodged in his throat.

"Really... nothing at all."

Obviously quite skeptical, the guitarist arched a single thin brow at his bandmate, finally devoting his complete attention to the morose-looking vocalist. While it may have been true that Karyu's people skills weren't exactly great (and probably not even up to par for that matter), he wasn't half as dense as Hizumi was making him out to be. Pressing his lips together, Karyu took no time in recovering, launching into another attempt and repositioning himself so that he was now facing Hizumi.

"So... did something happen?"

A pause.

"...... maybe..."

"Something with Oota?"

Silence.

Shit. He hadn't meant to say that. It'd just sort of been teetering around aimlessly at the edge of his thoughts, faintly reminiscent to a clumsy performer on a circus ball. Honestly, Karyu was't even sure as to why he had said it. Hah, perhaps it was because he was always more than eager to point a finger at the quirky and queer drummer-- just for being a little different (and not to mention a trifle discurteous towards him at times).

Unfortunately, Karyu was unaware as to how alarmingly accurate his odd little outburst had actually been.

Rigidly, Hizumi turned himself away from Karyu's prying eyes-- one hand extending upwards to rest against his forehead as he steadfastly refused to answer Karyu's last question. Was it... really that obvious? Sure, it was a know fact that Tsukasa and he were good friends... but how had such a socially-inept individual managed to nail his current dilemma, dead-on, without him saying so much as a word? This was something he doubted that he would ever be able to fathom.

Whatever the reason, it sent a chill surging up Hizumi's spine. A chill filled with something that... he couldn't quite place his finger upon.

"Ahh... I guess this is the part where I say 'I thought so'." Karyu chided, his voice hushed to a near whisper, but in good spirits all the same as he proceeded to lean back into the chair. Hizumi did nothing, said nothing; instead, he'd opted for keeping his eyes locked upon the gray concrete floor beneath them.

"... he hurt you, didn't he...?"

Swallowing, Hizumi found his body starting to give occasional small shakes, still trying desperately to become interested in the studio floor. Peeping rather deftly over at Karyu, his peripheral vision told him that his bandmate wasn't intending to relent any time in the immediate future. A sigh of defeat followed, and the troubled vocalist permitted his eyes to abandon the ground.

"Is it really so easy to see, Matsumura?" The dark-haired man ventured, still hesitant as he wasn't all too keen on the prospect of being as readable as an open book.

Karyu only shrugged, a dismal smile curving his lips upwards before he spoke. "Ahh... I'm afraid so, Yoshida. I'm afraid so..." A moment was taken to adjust the sleeves on his shirt, satisfied when they had come to cover both of his wrists. "I'm afraid that you just look too damn miserable to fool much of anyone."

Looking as though he were near and close to ashamed, Hizumi curled into himself yet again, gazing emptily at his feet and away from the room's other occupant. What he hadn't expected however, was the sound of a shifting body, and then the comforting caress that made its way down the length of his hunched back.

It's always been like this mused Karyu quietly, bringing his hand back to the top of Hizumi's spine and continuing to stroke his back tenderly. Karyu had always been for lack of better words... attracted to his normally chipper bandmate, drawn to his sweet and optomistic disposition like a moth to a flickering flame-- most likely due to the fact that those qualities were something he himself had always lacked, but secretly yearned for. Regardless, with the group's grueling schedule, he'd never really gotten the opportunity to get to know the other man all that well-- let alone act upon his unspoken attraction. Sure, it was true that they had spoken a few times, exchanged their share of pointless drivel... but never quite in the way that Karyu had hoped for them to talk.

"I don't know what happened exactly..." Karyu paused. "But I do know that he shouldn't be allowed to do what he does to you. To hurt you..."

Hizumi's eyes snapped open at that, struggling to keep the tears he could feel welling in his eyes at bay. Without giving it so much as a second thought, the shorter man allowed his quavering body to drop weakly to the side and into Karyu's spindley arms. Karyu caught him with ease before moving to join them together, clearly unshy now that the vocalist had made the first move.

Feeling even more bold now that this shy, fragile creature lay situated with the safety of his embrace, Karyu pulled him closer yet, preparing to murmer the words that could have made Hizumi's heart melt.

"I would never want to hurt you, Hiroshi..."

Any and all vestiges of concious thought bade him a swift departure when Karyu's lips descended upon his own-- eyelids drooping as he succumbed to the warmth that the guitarist's chaste kiss filled him with. There was something about Karyu's touch... so different from Tsukasa's. Sincere and innocent, yet cetain; not wanton, melancholly, and echoing with screams of unthinkable pain. Hizumi's response was immediate, having discovered that he craved even more of this foreign 'certainty'.

Smiling sweetly into the kiss, Karyu's tongue wandered its way into Hizumi's mouth, pleased with the results his actions heeded when the other man only continued to respond to his attentions. Tsukasa... Whatever that goddamned asylum escapee had done to him... To Hizumi... Karyu concluded that he wasn't to be forgiven for it.

But-- other things wer--ahh! Taking priority at that moment. Such as Hizumi's rather mischevious right hand that had found its way into his jeans and was now grinding tantalizingly against his crotch. "O-oh!" Karyu gasped, voicing his surprise a bit more audibly when his partner's hand circled his already prominent erection.

Yes... this is fine... thought Hizumi to himself, bestowing a sudden but light jerk upon Karyu's hardened member and smiling softly as he arched into his touch. The shorter man had dropped down onto the frigid ground by that point, poised on his knees as his left hand went to work on peeling away the denim from the other musician's hips, eager to expose the prize that his opposite hand had previously coiled itself around-- like a hungry serpent preparing to lash out at its prey.

Because. He doesn't love me...

×××

The train had hit my stop around 11:40AM. While it wasn't required that we show up until 12:00, there didn't seem to be any harm in my arriving a bit early. No one else was likely to be there anyways... Well, no one except Karyu, that is-- who normally insisted on being there a half an hour early to arrange the band's schedule, come up with practice discussion topics and whatnot. Even if he was going to be there, it wasn't like I gave much of a fuck. Perhaps if luck was on my side that day, I would arrive at the studio and he wouldn't start bitching about every little thing I've 'done wrong' (something it seemed as though he'd come to enjoy) and we could ignore one another in peace.

It was a pleasant enough notion, though highly unlikely at best. The man was like a fucking teapot: feed him just a taste of hot water and he completely blows.

Soundlessly stepping into the studio's long, white hallway, my shuffling came to an abrupt halt just before the heavy iron door clicked shut behind me. There were... noises... and these small sounds of scuffling did an adequate job of seeping through the building's hollow walls and wandermeandering into my overly-sensitive ears. Glaring towards the wall masking the source of the sound, I continued along my way-- figuring that it was probably just some of the techies fucking around as they normally liked and tended to.

I stopped again when I reached my appointed destination, vision skimming over the thick black letters which lay messily stenciled across the center of the gray door. "STUDIO A", it read. Then the scuffling was back again-- and this time, Tsukasa could identify exactly what the noise had been. A rubber stopper; adorning the bottom of a collapsable chair, dragging recklessly along the smoothe paving of the floor and acquiring the shape of a throaty, inhuman groan.

The sensation of the iron door resting against the shell of my ear was an unsettling one... however, in doing so, I had been able to gather that there was (in fact) more than one person occupying the room in question; because, honestly-- even people as clinically insane as Karyu didn't just talk to themselves for the sake of their own health. Even simple self-mumbling wasn't terribly charactaristic of the guitarist... Fool or not.

I couldn't take it any more. One more second of just waiting around, and it felt like my legs might snap in half from standing still. I surrendered to curiousity and gave the door's metallic handle a rough shove with my freezing, shaking fingers.

Its only response was to fly open-- the hinges emitting an audible squeak of complaint at such a hard push. And for a brief, painful instant, I couldn't see anything. Nothing at all. The muffled murmerings had become quite crisp now, though. Clear and accentuated like the audio track of a film.

"...H-Hiroshi!"

A familiar voice... trailed by the creak of a chair being bent in a way that it refused to agree with.

The blur was gone, and not seconds after everything had slipped into focus, I wished that helpless, blinding blur back again. Much akin to when I'd first entered the studio, I found my legs freezing up once more... though this time around, for different reasons alltogether.

I...... what...?

A last, remotely coherent thought-- before feeling my mind being cast away into the throes of silent insanity. I didn't even need to look again. I could feel those two, equally wide pairs of eyes baring deep holes into my chest. The two of them were synonymous to a pair of deer stuck in the headlights, only seconds prior to being plowed off the road by a speeding truck.

... but even with both of the beasts having fallen-- bleeding, and slowly dying at the edge of the road... wasn't it a well known fact that the driver would indefinately suffer his share of casualties as well?

A grim, defeated sort of smile made its way onto my lips, gaze spiraling off to the ground and away from the sight of the two men, awkwardly working to re-cloth themselves above. From there, I did the only thing that I could do. I turned, sherking my post at the door and beginning to trudge miserably back from whence I'd came.

Fuck this...

A/N: As always, R&Ring would be appreciated. It took me forever to write this out, and I'm still not sure whether I'm entirely satisfied with it or not. ^^;

It'll probably be a while before I add the next chapter, so in the mean time, please bear with me. ;~;
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Ash and Rain