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(Promise to) Keep Your Heart Broken	By : ceeceebullet Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rasmus Views: 975 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rasmus. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 3

xx Skylar

For the remainder of my birthday party we chatted hung out with the rest of the gang. I opened all my birthday presents which I wasn't expecting from anyone. I remember when I went to cut my cake after everyone sang to me. You and Aki walked over to me, picked up a piece, and slammed it in my face from both sides. You even got some in my hair! I love those pictures the most. They came out really good. I wish I remember who took them.

When things settled down and everyone began to leave, I felt sad. I didn't want this night to end. Meeting a lot of people from the street team was the best birthday gift ever, but having had you guys there, it made it that much better. Hugging the last person who was there, Jen, I turned to you.
"Ready?" you asked holding your arm out for me. I nodded and looped my hand inside yours.
"Yeah," I said. We walked to the door, the guys behind us; I stopped suddenly making the others crash into us. Turning back to admire the broken streamers, crumpled balloons on the floor, and confetti everywhere, I sighed. This was where it all happened and I wanted to make sure I had a nice mental picture in my head so I would never forget where my dreams came true.
"Are you sure you're ready?" Eero asked.
"I think so now," I whisper. "I'm trying to remember the place where my dreams came true."
"The night's still young," you said to me. "More memories are on the way." You began tugging on my arm to make me move.
"I guess you're right," I said and walked forward. "There's so much more I want before this night is done."

Walking through the hotel door to your suite I suddenly became nervous and afraid. I was wishing I didn't say yes. I mean, you are a rock star and most likely looking for something. I bet I wasn’t the first girl you'd done this with. That in itself made me sick to my stomach. I knew you weren't a virgin, Lord knows I've even seen that interview about you telling the world about loosing it when you were twenty years old. But I didn't want to think of you as a manwhore either. By any means, I wasn't a virgin myself, but I never went around. I wasn't a slut and I didn't do it with just anyone. Even though I would love to say I had with you, and even though I wanted to, I didn't want you to think of me as easy; someone who was pushed over easily by a man.
"It's big," I say nervously walking around the room looking in all sorts of directions.
"You like it?" you ask walking up behind me. I feel you place your hands on my arms and I shudder. "What's wrong?" you ask as your lower your face to my ear. Gently you nibble the tender lobe.
"Nothing," I said and stepped forward, walking out of your embrace. I always felt cold when I wasn't in your arms.
"You're nervous aren't you?" you ask following me to the livingroom. I sit on the large and highly expensive couch and sigh. I don't say anything. You sit next to me and turn your body to face me. "Don't worry so much. I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable," you said and reach out for my face. I turn my head away. I saw you look away, dejected almost.
"It's not you," I said. You get up from the couch and walk over to the window. Crossing your arms over your chest you sigh. "It's just…yeah, I'm scared. I'm thinking that you took me here to get something out of me. And I'm just not like that." You turn your head over your shoulder to look at me as I stood up from the couch.
"You think that's why I asked you to come back to my room with me?" You looked hurt.
"Well…isn't that what you always do?" I asked cautiously. Who knew how you would react? You sigh.
"Yes I have done this before, I won't lie to you. But I don’t want to do anything to make you think less of me," you say. You turn your body to me and take me into your embrace.
"I don't want to do anything to make you feel less of me Lauri," I said. You looked into my eyes, searching for answers to your questions.
"Have you ever done…it before?" you ask.
"If you're trying to ask if I'm a virgin or not, the answer is no Lauri. I'm not a virgin," I tell you.
A nervous silence comes between us. It seemed like we were running out of things to say. I was so scared of what was running through your brain at that moment. I had turned you off, I knew I did.
"What makes me so different from the others?" I asked. "If you've done this before, then why are you assuring me you won't do what you obviously want from me?" I ask as I pull away from our embrace.
"Do you think I'm some heartless person Sky?" you ask. "Have you not listened to my songs, to my lyrics?" you ask and pull away from me entirely. Your voice scared me. It was menacing in a way. You turn your back to me. "Maybe you are like the others," you whispered. I could barely hear you but I swear, those words stung Lauri. They really hurt.
"I don't know what you want me to say," I said reaching out for your arm. You flinched away roughly.
"Don’t'," you said to me coldly. "This is why I always tell them beforehand that there are no feelings involved. I can't love you the way you want or the way you dream about. All we have is here and now so take it or leave it," you said with such harshness in your voice. It opened up my floodgates.
"I can't," I said as I breeze past you, our arms brushing together momentarily. "I won't allow myself to wish for something that I knew never existed," I said and begin heading towards the door, pulling my jacket over my shoulders. "It meant a lot that you were there for my birthday. You'll always have a piece of my heart Lauri," I said and turned to look at you. "Never forget."
You were standing there with your lips and eyes firmly shut tight. It was then that I noticed you were fighting back something. Anger, tears? I didn't know, but at that moment all I wanted to do was leave you. I wanted you to hurt like you had hurt me. And for what, a stupid question? I placed my hand on the cool knob and turned it. As I was about to say goodbye and thank you, you spoke.
"Don't leave me," you choked out.
It was then that I realized you were as lonely as I predicted you were.

xx Lauri

You were always fun to hang out with. I enjoyed every moment of your company. You were spontaneous and loveable. You were an angel; an angel I knew could save me. Aki and I had plotted to slam that cake into your face and hair a little while before everyone sang to you. I loved watching you laugh and smile. You're smile could light up any room. It was infectious and addicting. The more I watched you do the simple things, the more I wanted to never let you out of my sight.

I know you were sad when everyone started to leave. From what I had heard, you started planning this night for months previous, and had also mentioned the hope of being with us too. I'm glad we made your wish come true.
"Ready?" I asked after Jen had left. I held my arm out to you, wanting to touch you more.
"Yeah," you said and as we began heading out, you stopped. Eero, Aki, and Pauli slammed into us.
"Are you sure you're ready?" Eero asked you.
"I think so now," you whisper. "I'm trying to remember the place where my dreams came true."
"The night's still young," I said with a smile. "More memories are on the way." I tugged on your arm to make you move onto the next chapter of your time with me.
"I guess you're right," you said and walked forward. "There's so much more I want before this night is done."

I knew you were nervous when you walked into the hotel room. I knew because almost everyone else that I had done this with before had acted the same way as you. It almost felt like second nature to me, and I knew there was nothing for you to be worried about. I never did anything to anyone unless they provoked it first, or if the mood was right for me to make the advances. I knew wanted anyone I was with to feel as though I thought I was God because I knew I wasn't. I was just Lauri Ylonen, a guy from Finland.
"It's big," you said. I could detect nervousness as you walked around the room looking in all different directions.
"You like it?" I ask walking up behind you. I place my hands on your arms. I felt you shudder. "What's wrong?" I ask as I lower my face to your ear. Gently I nibbled at the tender flesh.
"Nothing," you said and stepped forward, walking out of my embrace. I always felt cold when you weren't in my arms.
"You're nervous aren't you?" I ask following you to the livingroom. You sat on the large couch and sighed. The silence killed me, I hope you know. I took a seat next to you and turn my body to face you. "Don't worry so much. I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable," I said, reaching for your face. How I wanted you to feel comfortable alone with me and know that I wouldn't hurt you. But you turned your head away. I felt like you didn't trust me.
"It's not you," I hear you say. Standing, I get up from the couch and walk over to the window. Crossing my arms over my chest I let out a sigh. "It's just…yeah, I'm scared. I'm thinking that you took me here to get something out of me. And I'm just not like that." I turn my head over my shoulder to look at you as I watch you stand from the couch.
"You think that's why I asked you to come back to my room with me?" I asked. I had to hide my pain from you. Women always had a way of twisting things around.
"Well…isn't that what you always do?" you asked cautiously. I sighed in frustration.
"Yes I have done this before, I won't lie to you. But I don’t want to do anything to make you think less of me," I say to you. I turn to you then and take you into my embrace.
"I don't want to do anything to make you feel less of me Lauri," you explain. I looked into your eyes, searching for answers to my questions. Had you ever been with a man before?
"Have you ever done…it before?" I ask.
"If you're trying to ask if I'm a virgin or not, the answer is no Lauri. I'm not a virgin," you tell me.
A nervous silence comes between us. Was it me, or did it seemed like we were running out of things to say? I was so scared of what was running through your brain at that moment. Had I been too personal?
"What makes me so different from the others?" you asked. "If you've done this before, then why are you assuring me you won't do what you obviously want from me?" you ask as you pull away from our embrace.
"Do you think I'm some heartless person Sky?" I ask. "Have you not listened to my songs, to my lyrics?" I ask and pull away from you entirely. You had upset me by thinking so little of my feelings so I turned my back to you. "Maybe you are like the others," I whispered. I wanted you to hurt like I was hurting.
"I don't know what you want me to say," you said reaching out for my arm. I flinched away roughly. I wanted you to feel the hollowness deep within me.
"Don’t'," I said coldly. "This is why I always tell them beforehand that there are no feelings involved. I can't love you the way you want or the way you dream about. All we have is here and now so take it or leave it," I said with such harshness that I even scared myself. I heard you whimper.
"I can't," you said as you breezed past me, our arms brushing together momentarily. "I won't allow myself to wish for something that I knew never existed," you say harshly and begin heading towards the door. "It meant a lot that you were there for my birthday. You'll always have a piece of my heart Lauri," you say and turned to look at me. "Never forget."
I stood there with my lips and eyes firmly shut tight. I was trying to control my emotions, trying to control my heavy heart that was breaking into a thousand pieces inside my body. I knew I was being an asshole, and I knew I couldn't have you leave. If you did, I would regret it for my entire life. I was sure of it.
As you were about to say goodbye and thank you, I spoke.
"Don't leave me," I choked out.
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(Promise to) Keep Your Heart Broken