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Picture Perfect	By : Lalachan Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Daisuke Asakura Family Views: 1018 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I am in no way implying anything to be truthful in this work of fiction. I am not a representative of the celebrities that are mentioned within this story. I do not profit from this.

Chapter List
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Part 3~Tearless~
Hiro was the first to wake up. He only woke up because his neck hurt. Looking around he noticed that he was sitting on the floor and his head was on the futon. He streched his neck a little to get the blood moving in his neck again. After that he he was content to just stare at Daisuke who was still asleep. Even in his sleep he had that serious sad look to him. God it bothered him. He never looked like this. Hiro blamed himself. However he knew it wasn't only him. Something else had to have happened. He wanted to know. He wanted to know everything. If someone had hurt his Daisuke they would pay for it. He snorted at himself. Since when was Daisuke his? He had given that up. How ironic it was. He wanted to quit Access cause he was in love with Daisuke. Never once in the whole time they had worked together had Daisuke shown anything more then friendship towards him. He gave as many clues as he could. Still nothing. Daisuke never shown any interest in him. Untill it was too late. He beat himself up so much. He wanted Daisuke with him he knew he couldn't go back and undo it. His heart pounded with fury. He was an idiot. Still the problem at hand had to be someone else. It wasn't just him that Daisuke acted like this to. He noticed him treating everybody with the same quiet manner. It bothered him. The Daisuke he met and had fallen in love with was nothing like that. He liked to laugh and joke. Many times people would have to tell Daisuke to shut up. He admited that it was a gradual thing. He lost his solo career mainly to the fact that he had spend most of his time tracking down what Daisuke was doing. Going to concerts and watching him on TV. Hiro barly made and songs. Then he just faded away. He distracted himself with doing movies and TV dramas but music was his love and so was Daisuke. He sighed. "Daisuke please tell me what happened." With that Daisuke opened his eyes. He said nothing and just continued to stare at Hiro. His gaze made Hiro uncomfortable and finally Hiro got up and left. He couldn't stand the way Daisuke's eyes pierced him. Just like they did at the party. Just like he did in the elevator.
Daisuke on the other hand was trying his hardest not to break down and cry on Hiro's shoulder and tell him everything. He almost did but then Hiro had gotten up and left. He silently thanked whatever god was watching over him. He couldn't tell Hiro. He couldn't tell Hiro about the others. Eventhough Hiro had to have heard the rumors. Everyone did. It was sad but sometimes the rumors were true. It's what drove another person he fell in love with away. Tears filled his eyes. He thought of Michihiro. Funny they both have the name Hiro he thought. They both left. His mind wandered to about 5 year ago.
~Journal
Today I was thinking about Kuroda and I think I was happy alot of things came to my mind. I wonder how he's doing. I hope he's fine I hope he's doing better then I am. I also thought about our whole relationship alot of things came to my attention.
I can't remember the first time I met Kuroda. It must have been an audition or something. I guess I liked him cause he was hired. I remember the first actual conversation we had. It was at Hiro's good luck party. I managed to avoid Hiro who kept looking for me for most of the night. I managed to escape on to the balcony after Hiro started his debut of his soon to be released song. I don't even remember what it was called. I had to leave the room when I heard him singing. I had already gotten sick of the countless amounts of people who kept asking me what I was going to do next. Of course I lied and said that I had projects and when they I said it was a secret. I never knew how much energy it took to be happy. I felt so drained. I retreated to the balcony and just sipped my champane. God it was so far up. I remember breefly looking over the edge and thinking "I wonder what would happen if I jumped?" I admit it was a really childish thought. I couldn't shake the depression though. Nothing made me happy. Not even the baby puppies I got. Not my Disney movies (which I had just bought a lot of) Nothing. I began to wonder if I'd ever be happy again. I knew that I would get over it but I wanted it to hurry up. "Really far up isn't it?" The voice frightened me. I droped my champane glass and watched it fall all the way down. "Shit" I mumbled. "I'm sorry" the same voice whispered. At first my brain thought it was Hiro. My heart pounded and my eyes teared up. I knew I was speachless. I tried to get mad. As mad as I could be in 8 seconds. I turned around with as much anger on my face as I could muster up. I turned around and was shocked to see a complete stranger. I must have lost my angry face or it wasn't that threatening cause he didn't seem to be frightened.
"Asakura-san?" he asked with such politeness in his voice it made me want to vomit. "Hai" I replied. He bowed "Kuroda, Michihiro desu" I bowed back and noticed that he seemed nervous. "I'm sorry I made you drop your drink" He ran off. I thought it would be the last I was going to see of him, so I was surprised when he came back with two glasses of champane. "dozou" he offered one of them to me. I took it and sipped it as he sipped his. "I didn't mean to scare you." he began "you looked bored and I myself was bored." I had to smile. "You weren't inside?" his smirk made my stomche do funny things. "No, I wanted to escape from the three ring circus." I laughed out loud. It wasn't that funny but for some reason it was funny to me. I was on my way to getting drunk. So we talked alittle I'm not too sure what it was about but I do know that it was idle chatter. He asked the question I hated the most that night "So what are you going to do now? He must have read my mind or my expression becuase he immidiatly appologized for it. I put on my best fake smile "Don't be! I have a few projects I have on the back burner" He looked at me and I don't think I will ever forget that look. I felt bad for lieing to him. "You are a bad liar" he then smirked at me. Me being pissed that my little charade was blown pouted. "Yea well everyone else bought it." He patted my back. "Well in there they don't even care." I didn't like how close he was getting I shrugged his hand off my back. "And you care?" He leaned against the balcony and stretched his legs."More then they do in there." I was facinated by his legs. They were long and well gracefull looking. I couldn't stop stareing at them. I knew he had noticed. "Did I spill something on my pants?" He looked down and ran a hand over his black pants to wipe away what ever he thought he spilled. "No I just noticed you had long legs that's all." I spit it out so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea. "Heh yea I was a gymnist" That shocked me. "Really?" I asked. It was stupid cause I knew he wasn't lieing to me. "yep. Wanna see?" I nodded and he handed me his glass. He did a perfect back flip. "Right anyone can do that" I found myself saying. He huffed and looked a little annoyed. So he walked all the way to the balcony (it's a really long balcony) Then he ran and did a series of flips and landed perfectly. I was amazed and horrified. "You idiot. You could have fallen off the balcony." he smirked and took his drink from me. "Well I had to proove it to you." His smirk was deffinatly sexy. I had to start a new conversation so I wouldn't stare. "So why did you stop?" his face became a little less happy looking "I let some idiot friends of mine convince me I could be a singer." "So what do you do now?" He gave a pissed off looking smile. "I'm a singer... a back up singer" he sighed and looked off the balcony. "It's better then being a janitor." From this angle I could see his profile. He had a handsome face and great features. I could tell right away this guy was ment to be a star. I had to do something. "Let me hear you sing" he startled. "What?" "You heard me. I want to hear you sing."
He straightend up and dusted himself off. "What should I sing?" I shrugged. "Anything you want." He looked at the sky for a moment. "I know" he cheered. His choice in song broke my heart all over again. He broke out in "Stay my love" I almost cried except I was focused on hearing him sing. It wasn't his style of song but none the less his voice was amazing. It hooked me.
He finished. "Well I think your friends were right to convince you to become a singer." I commented on his performance "Great!" he replied. "Could I get you to put a good word in for me? His attadude was amusing. "I'm going to do better then that" I sipped from my glass. His puzzled look also amazed me. "I'm going to make you my new project" I had to not laugh at him. His mouth droped and hung open for a few seconds. "Unless of course you have someone else that wants to produce you?" He shook my hand and bowed alot. It was also amusing. I must admit that if it wern't for him I might have jumped that night. Not only out of sadness but out of boredom. I asked him if he had any ideas. I think that was a mistake cause he went on spouting off ideas. He wanted a band with all this stuff. I rolled my eyes but kept listening to him while we kept getting glasses of champane. I think I had about 12 total. I was surprised he wanted me to be up front. I agreed and he kept throwing out ideas. I think he was getting drunk cause his ideas just kept getting crazier. I had to laugh at the idea of clothing made out of boas.
Finally some guy came out and was like "Quick they are giving Takami a toast." Kuroda went to go inside to make a toast. I followed him but we both stopped at the door. I remember someone saying "To Takami-san may he have success" I lifted my glass. I turned to Kuroda "yes to Takami-san to have success. And to us, may we be 100 times more successful then him" Kuroda smiled and clinked his glass against mine. I smiled at him and tuned to look at Hiro. He was stareing right at me. I lifted my glass to him and drank. For a breef moment I think he was glad. I then took Kuroda's arm in mine and walked toward the door. At the time my toast was as serious as death. In reality I wanted Hiro to fail. I stoped at a plant and poured the champane into it. Kuroda laughed and did the same. We laughed and stumbled out the door.
Being drunk while out in public is a bad idea but, being drunk while being depressed is a bad idea. Before I knew it we were at the elevator. I saw Hiro walking towards the elevator I knew he was going to say something I didn't want to hear. I did the first thing that came to my mind. I grabbed Kuroda and pushed him up against the elevator wall and attacked his mouth. I wanted to feel him and I wanted to make Hiro jealous. Hiro had reached the doors of the elevator and had pushed the button to hold them open. I was hopeing that Hiro would go away. To my surprise Kuroda kissed me back. At that point I didn't care if Hiro saw. I threw everything I had into kissing him. I found his hands made me feel good the way they rubed my back. I began to rock against him. My mind had no idea what it was doing but my body knew what it wanted. I looked over when Kuroda left my lips to suck my neck. I saw Hiro as the elevator doors closed. I glared at him and the shock on his face was replaced with hurt. "Fuck you" I liped at him. I was too drunk and too turned on to care at that point. I really wish I hadn't done it though.
I knew I was too drunk when the next thing I knew I was at Kuroda's house and fucking him. I didn't remember getting there or even getting naked. My memory just pops and I see him laying under me naked and moaning. I didn't even have time to really register what I was doing. I just threw myself into thrusting into his body. I remember it feeling really good and before I knew it he was cumming on me and I released myself into him.
I wasn't fully aware of the situation untill the next morning when I woke up naked, sticky, and my private parts slightly bloody. I couldn't stand to look a Kuroda. I figured that I had raped him. I wanted to get my clothes on and run away. Not only had I lost my virginity I had taken his. I did'nt even know if he liked men. I didn't want to stay and find out. I moved slightly to try and get out of there as fast as I could. I didn't want to deal with this. I couldn't deal with it. What I had done was horrible. I tried to slither out of the bed. It was at that moment he chose to wake up. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stick up when he looked at me. I was about to run. He surprised me by hugging me. I saw him look over my shoulder. "6:30? Why are you awake at 6:30?" I still don't know why but I had to kiss him. In that moment it felt right. He smiled and layed his head on my chest. "My ass hurts" I smiled "Sorry" I replied "Liar" He snorted. I settled back down onto the bed I held him to me. For the first time in weeks I had been happy.
After that day we went to the studio everyday to plan the band. We still haden't named it. We schemed and I was too busy to think about Hiro. I don't think I really thought about him. When I wasn't at the stuido I was fucking Kuroda. I had started to produce Takanori at the same time so I was pretty busy. We decided that the main band was going to be me, Kuroda and an guitarist. So we started searching the files looking for guitarists. I remember pulling files. We narrowed it down to 25 guitarists. We were looking for Orginality, Personality, and "Sexiness" at Kuroda's request. So we had gotten through 3 people who were good but none of them looked quite cut out to be a leadman. Then a really tall man walked through the door. At first I thouhgt "He must be a forigner." I looked at his file. It was the first time I met Kenichi Ito. He had everything we wanted. His red hair had sparked ideas in Kuroda's head and I knew that he was our man. His guitar playing was exellent and he was "damn sexy" as Kuroda put it. We listened to the others but we knew that we had to have Kenichi. So a few days later we told him. He came into the studio and we started working on songs.
We had got one we really liked. It was Dark Half ~touch your darkness~ Everyone seemed to like it. Finally when we went into record it I couldn't believe my ears. Everything seemed to go together with little editing. I was very surprised. We had cut a few more song but realized that we still didn't have a name. We argued and agreed and argued but not seriously. Finally after looking at random English words we decided on Iceman. Kuroda liked it but pouted because it didn't really fit the image he had for us. He said he could work with it though. So we started doing our stuff. I remember our first performance on TV. Kuroda was so nervous. He paniced and twice I thought he was going to pass out. Finally we got on stage and sang. His whole body shook. His nervousness even affected his voice but it wasn't enough to cause him to sing bad. He sang with all his heart and Kenichi and I played with everything we had It was all we could do. Finally it ended and we went home. Kuroda was too burned out to do anything. So I took him home with just a small kiss and went home myself.
I woke up the next morning to hear that Iceman seemed to have exploded. People were snatching up our single like crazy. Kuroda came over and was really excited. After some nice sex we went to the studio. Kenichi was also excited. He just shows it differently. After that we knew we had to work hard. I started to get lots of requests from singers who wanted me to produce them or compose music. I tried to get as much done as I could. I worked all day and most of the night. I collapsed a few times but it never bothered me. I found out that it bothered Kuroda. He at first was worried, then annoyed, then full blown jealousy. He hated it when I was working with other people. I tried to spend at least 1 day a week with just him and I. We were able to get by but soon I think it was getting too much. We started to fight about the stupidest things. Like if he didn't like my pants or if a movie I liked was stupid he would argue about it. It was so childish and petty. I shouldn't have let it go on.
At the studio we were always fine. We never took our personal life to work. It stayed there. Unfortunatly, work never stayed at work. It always snuck into a converastion and we would start arguing. It's hard to explain because on stage we were so happy. It was never fake. I guess the stage and life are two different relms because on stage I was carefree. Off stage I was tired and worn and just not a very happy guy. Kuroda was also jealous off stage when on stage you would never guess it. We had our riffs but at the time I still loved him. I told him alot but I don't think he quite understood.
It wasn't untill the making of Lost Complex that we had our first fight at work. I don't even remember what started it. I think it was like I asked him if he could make a pose and I think he didn't like the pose and I argued that it was a good pose. We started fighting and finally he stormed out of the room. I remember Kenichi trying to calm him down and trying to get us all back together. Finally we were able to get it back together. Kenichi learned then about our relationship. At the time him and I had been working on alot of things. I though he was too talented to just sit around and play a guitar. I wanted him to also be a front man. Kuroda didn't get jealous. That surprised me. I think because he liked Kenichi too much to be jealous of him. I know though that he started to feel left out. I thought maybe it would do him good because he seemed to think that he was the only one in the band. I should have known better. When we went home that day I took Kuroda home. I went upstairs with him and all hell broke loose.
We fought and pushed each other around and then when I thought it was over it wasn't. So after we had let out our anger I had to ask. "What happened to us?" For the first time since I had gotten there that day he didn't yell or scream at me. "I don't know" he whispered. I could see that he was fighting tears. I should have hugged him. I should have. I didn't though. He just shook with sobs. Finally I left. I thought that he needed to be alone. I knew if it were me I would want to be alone. In fact I wanted to be alone. I was scared. I knew he was going to leave. I just didn't want to face it.
The next day everything was normal like nothing had ever happened. It was like that for the next three weeks. Kuroda and I had gone back to being blissfully content with eachother. My fear had dissapeared. I was as busy as ever but I knew that as soon as I could I was going to make it up to Kuroda and go on a nice vacation with him. Just the two of us. I started scheming and planning. Hawaii sounded nice. We were in the studio I was so excited I wanted to tell Kuroda but I knew it had to wait. I told everyone that knew about us but made them promise not to tell him.
We had planned the next album which was going to be 4 Kenichi songs and 5 with Kuroda singing. I guess it really pissed Kuroda off. He stood up and threw the papers on the floor. "THAT'S IT!" He yelled. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" I guess he was angry that we were changing his ideal band. I knew that we shouldn't have tampered with it because his formula seemed to work up untill now. However Kenichi was getting restless. So we talked it over and Kuroda made some good points. Unlike Kenichi or I he had nothing or fall back on. He was just running around stage usless while Kenichi sang. So we talked some more and decided that maybe it would be best if the band broke up. No one was mad or upset with it. (Well the fans were but that's a different story) I was a little sad because it was something that had brought Kuroda and I together. I had full convidence that it wasn't goint to tear us apart. I loved him too much. So I decided it would be the perfect time to take that vacation and it would relax us both.
I had made all the plans and everything. I went to tell Kuroda at home. I got there and he sat me down. "Dai-chan... " his voice was distant and it made my blood run cold. "You know it's not going to work" His words were true. I wanted to argue and tell him we could make it work but I couldn't. I noded. We sat there for a long time not saying anything. I just stared at the table. I couldn't trust myself to talk. Finally I looked up to see his sad face. He wanted it to work too. He couldn't though. We couldn't. I simply nodded and stood up. I walked away and he followed. He followed me to the door. I turned around and kissed him. With all the anger and hate and sadness. He returned it to me. So we had sex one more time. The last time. It was bittersweet. You would never think it but he cried. I could't cry. I hadn't cried when Hiro left me I couldn't cry when he left me. After our session I got dressed and left. He was still asleep when I left. I couldn't wake him up. I couldn't say good bye. So many things that I couldn't do I should have done. I left and I haven't seen or heard from him since. I think it's better that way. I left that apartment and ran away. Not from the apartment but from myself and reality. I threw myself back into work. I still had Kenichi to work with. Then there was Takanori. He had made it on his own already but I knew I wanted to work side by side with him. He reminded me of Kuroda. I wanted to be near that. At least untill I could forget Kuroda.
Well journal, I don't think I ever told you about that. I posted what went on but I didn't take Hiro's advice I should have posted how I felt. It might have saved alot of problems. I couldn't though. Now I wish I had. Hind sight is 20/20. I think I need to go back to sleep. I might cry and it could be dangerous. I don't want to have to explain it to Hiro. Right now his face haunts me. God I love him but If I tell him he might go away. I can't let him know. I just can't stand to be hurt again. DAMN IT. I need more sleep.
A.D.~
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