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All We Are is Memories	By : Berlin Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Avenged Sevenfold Views: 1159 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Avenged Sevenfold. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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August 23, 1999

It was a Tuesday night... mom was out to eat with her friends as she was every Tuesday night. It was their little weekly tradition that they had kept for as long as I could remember. And I have an amazing memory. I was enjoying the rare night off from my waitressing job at T.G.I. Fridays. Actually, that was probably where mom was at right now. I usually worked Tuesdays too - mom and her friends always sat at one of my tables. But Marlene, the new girl, desperately wanted some hours and I desperately wanted a day off. A match made in heaven if you ask me.
American Pie was playing on pay-per-view in the background but honestly, I wasn't paying attention. Nat and I should've never even paid for the movie. We hadn't watched a minute of it. But in my defense, college was starting for the both of us in only a week and even though he'd still be local (he was going to the University of Utah), we wouldn't be seeing each other every day at school like we were used to. So we were making up for our future lost time. Sounds innocent enough, right? Of course, in most senses, it was totally innocent. Nat and I may have been dating for almost 2 years but that doesn't mean I had slept with him. And I didn't intend on doing so until we got married - if we got married at all. I wanted to marry him but were only 18... that's a little too young to be talking about such serious issues.
We were sprawled out across the living room couch, Nat on top of me, his hands slowly but surely inching their way up my tank top (hey - I said I hadn't given it up yet, not that I was Mother Theresa) when the door to the house flew open, smacking into the wall and then slamming back shut. If I hadn't already known that it was Johnny, I'd easily be able to tell by the rattling that accompanied his every footstep.
I attempted, but failed to pull myself away from Nat and up into a sitting position so that I could see what was going on. By the time I managed to get Nat's hands off of me and my shirt back in its proper position, I heard an exasperated huff from the doorway of the living room followed by clomping up the staircase and the slam of a door, undoubtedly Johnny's bedroom. "Dear God, now what?" I sighed, preparing to stand up and go check on my step-brother.
"Honey, maybe he just wants to be left alone... just give him some space," Nat cooed into my neck as he kissed it.
My mood changed as quickly as a light switch... I went from concerned about my brother to enraged at my boyfriend in 2.3 milliseconds. Nat didn't care about Johnny at all. I knew he didn't. He thinks he's creepy - he's told me enough times to have that phrase permanently engrained in my mind. Sure, it had always bothered me a bit, but he was my boyfriend, not Johnny's. It hadn't really seemed to matter until now. Now though... it was blatantly obvious that the only thing on Nat's mind was getting into my pants. He didn't care that I was worried about Johnny, he didn't care that more than likely, something horrible had happened again... all he cared about was how my step-brother was quickly ruining his turn at the plate and attempt at hitting a home rune.
I shoved Nat off me and got up from the couch. "Would you stop thinking about yourself for one frigging minute, Nat? I mean... damn! Something happened to my brother and all you can think about is how you're not going to be getting any. Well I have a newsflash for you, you weren't going to get any anyways!"
Nat stared at me in shock... it takes a lot to make me cuss. He reached out for me and I saw in his eyes how sorry he was, but I didn't feel like dealing with it at the moment. I was mad and intended in staying mad - he can't just make a sad face and expect me to excuse everything. What he did was wrong, and in all honesty, I had more pressing issues to attend to.
I ran up the stairs two at a time and stopped at the very first door Johnny's. I could hear the music blaring all the way from the first floor but now that I was right outside his room, I could hear all the banging inside as well. I knocked on the door loudly - that was the only way he'd be able to hear it.
"Go away Faith!"
"Cmon Johnny - just open the door."
The lock clicked and the door swung open gently, just like I knew it would. Over the past three months since our parents divorce, we had gotten a lot closer. We weren't all "best friends forever", but we had slowly begun spending more and more time together. If I wasn't with Nat and Johnny wasn't with his friends, it was safe to assume that we could be found together, either sitting on the floor of his room playing video games, or laying in the living room watching TV. Unfortunately, there were a lot of times just like this, too. Times when Johnny would come home from wherever he had been either infuriated or in tears. This had become our little ritual. He would stomp and bang his way through the house, up the stairs and into his room. I would follow just a few steps behind him and knock on the door, waiting for him to let me in. And he always did.
I walked through the open door and took a seat on his twin-sized bed, watching as he stormed around the room, wearing a path in the carpet as he repeatedly retraced his footsteps. I felt horrible for him. The past three months had been far from easy. Sure, my father more or less walked out on me too but that was back when I was a baby. And he didn't do it because he couldn't stand me. He and my mom didn't get along and he was nowhere near ready to have a family. They were both only 20. But Johnny... his father basically told him to his face that he didn't want to be bothered with him anymore. I couldn't even begin to imagine what that does to ones psyche. And things with the kids at school had never been fantastic for Johnny. Stretching out across the bed, I briefly glanced over the edge and saw... a suitcase?
What's going on?
"Johnny-"
"I'm so fucking sick of this life, Faith!" he yelled suddenly, violently, as he slumped down on the bed next to me.
"Johnny, what are you talking about?"
"I'm just sick of it... sick of it all. I just want to scream."
He stared at me with his big, sad-looking brown eyes, as if expecting me to give him an answer that'll fix all of his problems. That was the first time I noticed the black bruise encircling his eye and the dried blood on his lip. "What happened this time?"
"Just a little run-in with the football team... and the soccer team."
I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. You've got to admire his spirit. And while I always had a fair amount of friends on the various sports teams, I knew they more or less deserved it. They were always horrible to Johnny and his friends. Although from the looks of it, Johnny was pretty much on the receiving end of it all. "Alright you know the drill. Into the bathroom so I can get you cleaned up and fixed up."
He stood up and walked out of his bedroom and across the hall to our shared bathroom without a fight. I wasn't kidding this was our typical drill. Johnny would come home with the crap beat out of him and I would bandage up his cuts and bruises as best as I could. He sat on the edge of the bathtub as I pulled the first aid kit out from underneath the sink and took a seat on the toilet facing him.
Once all the blood had been cleaned off of the cut on his lip, it didn't really look that bad. Definitely just a superficial wound. I dabbed a little rubbing alcohol on it to disinfect it... it always amazed me how Johnny never so much as flinched as the stinging substance was being poured on him. I would've cried like a baby. Although I really am a big crybaby compared to him. The bruise around his eye though - there wasn't much I could do with it. A bruise can't just be fixed. The only thing that makes it better is time.
"Looks like you'll still have this shiner for the first day of school, Johnny."
He shrugged his shoulders indifferently. If I knew him at all, he was proud of the purplish mark imprinted on his face... like it was a battle scar or something.
"Imnteos ntj wodhwh..." he muttered so quietly that I couldn't make out even a single syllable of what he had just said.
"What?"
"I said, I'm not going to school."
Come again? "What do you mean, you're not going? Of course you are! Mom will kill you!"
"No Faith, I'm not going. And I'm not going to get in trouble either because I'm not staying here. I can't do this anymore... I can't take this life. There has to be something better. And whatever is better, it sure as hell isn't in Salt Lake City. I just... I dunno, I guess I just wanted to say good-bye to you before I left."
You can't! I cried desperately at him. He had to stay - he needed to stay. He was just a kid, he couldn't manage on his own. And I'll admit it - I needed him to stay too. He shook his head and stood up, walking past me and ignoring my outstretched hand, reaching for him to keep him here.
"Wait!" I called after him as I ran out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom. "Where are you going? Where will you live? What about school? You're only 14, you can't survive on your own!"
"I'm going to California... don't know where exactly yet. And I'll get an apartment or efficiency or something. You can work at 15 out there so I'll get a job to afford rent. And you know I can live on my own... I've been doing it since my mom died. School - I don't need school. What I want to do with my life has nothing to do with school."
I watched in stunned silence as he filled up a suitcase with the majority of his belongings then decided against it and dumped everything into a more manageable duffel bag. After throwing in a couple of CDs and his Discman, he heaved it up over his shoulder and picked up his guitar case. Turning to face me, his determined face softened a bit. "I'm sorry Faith. I'm sorry I'm not stronger. Thanks... for everything. You'll be the one person I miss in this hellhole of a city."
He awkwardly stepped up and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug... the first ever embrace of that type that I had received from him. Before even thinking the thought through completely, I opened my mouth. "I'm coming with you."
"What? No you're not Faith. You actually have a life here... a good one. You've got your mom, all your friends, your scholarship, your boyfriend. It would be stupid to up and leave everything like that and if theres one thing I know about you, it's that you're far from stupid."
"It'll just be for a while... so I can make sure you get set up alright, I mean. You're not going to be 15 for another 3 months and there is no way I'm letting you live on the street. My scholarship is good for seven years from my first day of school - as long as I don't show up at class the first day, they'll hold it for me until I start. Mom will understand... Nat probably won't, but family is family. I'm not letting you go out there alone."
He stared at me, dumbfounded. Was he actually considering the idea? Well, not like there was much to consider - he was smaller than me; there was no way he could actually force me to stay. "I don't know Faith..."
"Well guess what? You don't have a choice I'm going and that's it. Let me just go and pack a bag and write a note to mo-"
"NO!" he yelled before I could even finish my sentence. "You can't tell mom! She'll come after us and drag us back here."
"Ok, Ok," I told him, putting my hands on his shoulders to try to calm him down. "I won't tell mom. Let me just go get a bag, ok?"
Johnny nodded and I tore off to my room, hasty to put a bag of things together before my brain kicked in and I realized how stupid this idea was. I threw open my closet and stared at it... not even a tenth of the clothes I owned would fit in my bag. So the decision was, what made the cut? Definitely blue jeans - I neatly folded and placed three pair of those in my bag along with one pair of nicer black slacks and the sole pair of track pants I owned. I also picked out 5 t-shirts, my brand new BYU hoodie and about seven pairs of underwear and bras. Finally, I slipped on my tennis shoes and placed a pair of flip-flops in the top of the bag. There wasn't much room left. I looked around my bedroom and tears started to form in the corners of my eyes...
What in theworld am I doing? Johnny's right I'm smarter than this!
I pushed my voice of reason back inside my head and gathered up the few items left in my room that I couldn't live without. A small photo album full of pictures of my family, my friends, my boyfriend... it more or less chronicled my entire life. At least that way if we both ended up dead on some street in L.A., the cops might be able to track down someone I knew to let them know... I also grabbed my journal, my cell phone, my wallet, the small silver cross necklace that my grandparents had gotten for me when I turned 13, and my discman along with the few CDs that I owned. Last, but not least, I walked over to the brightly painted, ceramic piggy bank on my dresser. It had been my mothers when she was a little kid and she had passed it on to me. Gingerly, I turned it over and found the little rubber plug on the bottom. Pulling it free, bills came tumbling out and all over the top of my dresser. It was all the money I had received from my graduation party. I had planned on using it to buy books for college, but it looked as if I wouldn't be making that purchase anymore and Johnny and I could definitely use the cash.
Shoving the bills into my back pocket, I took one last look at my room. Was I ever going to see it again? God willing, I would... but I wasn't quite so sure God was going to be on my side with this decision. I was going to miss my mother so much - she was my best friend. I could picture the look on her face when she discovered her children were gone. She would be panicked; devastated.
Oh God I can't do that to her
Johnny had told me not to leave a note for mom, but I couldn't just leave like that. I understood that he didn't want her finding out where he went to, but she would literally have a heart attack when she found us missing and my heart couldn't do that to her. Digging under the bed, I pulled out one of the notebooks I had bought for school and ripped a page free from it.
Mom,
I don't want to make this harder than I have to and I'm sure it won't take too long to notice that I'm gone. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry but this is the way it has to be. Johnny got in a fight today (another) and I guess he just snapped. He told me he was running away. I couldn't let him go by himself. I know this is quite possibly the stupidest decision I have ever made in my life and more than likely, I'll end up regretting it, but I've decided that I'm going with him. I know I should've just talked him out of it - I should've tried harder to convince him to stay. But he wouldn't listen. You and I both know that he can't make it out in the world by himself - he's too young, too naive. Then again, so am I. But I just couldn't do it. He needs me with him to protect him & to show him that this isn't really what he wants to do. He doesn't want me to tell you where we're going (and honestly, at the moment, I don't know where we're going)... he didn't even want me to write this note. But I couldn't leave you with nothing. It's hard enough for me to leave you to begin with. Just know that we'll be safe and I'll be in contact with you soon. Please don't send the police out looking for us - it'll only make the situation worse. As soon as I can convince him that this isn't the solution, we will be home. I PROMISE.
I love you mom

Faith
There was a knock at the door just as I was folding up the note and placing it in the edge of my dresser mirror. I grabbed my suitcase and took one last look at my room before walking out and meeting Johnny in the hallway.
"You ready to go?" he asked.
Nervously, I swallowed and attempted to take a breath before answering him, but I couldn't even get a breath. Oh god, I was hyperventilating. This was my body's way of telling me that all of this was just wrong, wasn't it? Johnny patted my back and smiled up at my reassuringly. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. It's not too late."
I shook my head no, but still couldn't suck up enough air to allow me to speak. So instead, I just hefted up my suitcase and walked down the stairs, leaving him to follow me.
I'm ashamed to admit this because I'm really not that conceited of a person, but I had completely forgotten that Nat was still over until I dropped my suitcase with a thud at the bottom of the stairs and saw his head pop up from the sofa.
"What's going on?"
I wrung my hands together, standing between him and my step-brother and instantly realizing that this was not going to go over well. "I have to leave for a while, Nat. I'll call you once I get where I'm going, ok?"
"No way, Faith! Are you insane?? You're staying here with me and your mom - let this idiot runaway if he wants to, but you're staying."
"Nat, just stop. I have to go and I'm sorry if you don-"
I got cut off as Nat stepped around me and punched Johnny square in the mouth, knocking him to the floor. He towered over him as Johnny lay on the floor, recovering from the punch that had caught him more than a little offguard. If it were not for that single fact, I am more then certain that the both of them would be brawling across my kitchen floor.
"Look, you useless piece of shit, runaway like the loser you are. See if I care. See if anyone cares. But don't drag Faith with you. She's actually worth the breath she takes, unlike you. I'll be damned if she fucks up her life for you!"
As if he had suddenly gotten a second wind, Johnny jumped to his feet and stared defiantly up at Nat, who towered at least 8 inches above him.
"Maybe you should let your girlfriend live her own fucking life or is that not what a proper little girlfriend should do? Shes smart enough to think on her own, not look to you for all the answers just like all the other dumb bitches in this fucked up city do. Now get out of our fucking way or I'll move you out of our way.
For a tense 2 minutes the two most important men in my life stared at each other, just begging for the other to make the first move dying to start their altercation again. But before either of them could take a step, I stepped in between them. I was sick of the fighting, sick of the screaming and sick of the cussing. This was my decision and it had already been made.
"Nat, please just stop. This isn't making me stay. I'm leaving and I wish you could understand why but I know you never will. Can't we please just say good-bye to each other like normal people? I didn't want to leave things like this..."
His eyes softened lightly as he took his stare off of Johnny and put it on me. "But I don't understand, Faith."
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I crushed myself into him, suddenly feeling an overwhelming guilt for leaving him like this. I breathed in his musky cologne, trying to remember its smell. Why was I acting as if I were never going to come back? It would just be for a few weeks... a few months at the very most. However long it took me to convince Johnny to come back. Then I'd be home again and in my boyfriend's arms again, like nothing had ever happened. He kissed the top of my head and sighed.
"What am I going to do without you?"
Johnny groaned in disgust in the background.
"You'll be fine. And it's not like you'll never see me again. Once Johnny gets set up, I'm coming home - it'll be a month or two, tops."
"You promise me you'll be careful?"
Johnny groaned again. This time I shot him a glare meant to tell him to keep his mouth shut for a minute and let me have my moment.
"Promise. I have to go now, honey. We have to get out of here before my mom gets home."
He hugged me tighter and I reached up, kissing him passionately... probably more passionately than I ever had before. I wanted to remember what his lips felt like on mine and I wanted him to remember too. "I love you."
"I love you too, Faith." Nat looked over my head at Johnny, who was standing at the front door with both our bags in hand. "You had better take care of her." They exchanged a nod that must've reassured Nat enough because it was only after that that he released me.
I wanted to look at him one more time before I left, but the tears were starting to blur my eyes. If I had looked, I wouldn't have been able to leave. So instead, I took my bag out of Johnny's hand and followed him out to a waiting cab.
We climbed into the car and Johnny handed over a sheet of paper to the driver. He read it over, nodded mutely and passed it back to Johnny. As we pulled away from the curb, I glanced back at my home, afraid of what I would be forced to call home tomorrow and the day after... and the day after that. I stared at the bright lights emanating from it until we had turned the corner and the house I had lived in for the past 18 years was suddenly and heartbreakingly out of my sight.
I leaned back and tried to relax... and tried to get the nagging voice in my head to stop telling me that this was a horrible decision. Then I remembered one thing that I hadn't asked Johnny.
"How are we getting to California??"
"Greyhound."
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All We Are is Memories

August 23, 1999