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My Heart Breaks	By : dieromantic79 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 2186 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Note: all my other stories are under the penname LondonzBurning, but I kinda forgot the username/password for that account =/ but u should check em out.

CH. 2

Bam had waited until the very last minute possible to tell Missy that he was leaving on a 2 month tour. The very morning his plane left, in fact. She had been eating breakfast and stared incredulously at him for being awake so early, and after telling her why exactly, she threw a plate at his head. It missed though. Bam felt kinda guilty as he closed the front door, duffel bag in tow. He kneeled down on the front steps by his bag and opened it, pulling out a blank spiral notebook. He ripped out a page and quickly scribbled with a sharpie,
“sorrie again. Love you. -bam” and slipped it under the door.
And on the plane ride he wondered if it was true. He wondered if he really still loved her or if Ville had entirely reclaimed that part of his heart and mind.
‘I guess I’ll find out.’ He thought.

Many hours later, Bam stood outside some random arena in Washington shifting nervously. People were already milling into the entrance, but he quickly found the back way and showed the guard his ID. After the guard checked his name off a list, he was pointed in the general direction of the tour buses. He didn’t have to look for long until he saw the unmistakable form of Ville exiting one of the buses and lighting a cigarette. As Bam approach closer he tried to think of something clever or funny to say. At least something snotty as he usually did! But all that came out was a weak “Hey.”
It was said so quietly that Bam was shocked he even was heard, but Ville looked up and smiled broadly. Without a word he was engulfed in a warm, tight embrace. Bam dropped his bag to hug back and was suddenly lost for thoughts. All he knew was that Ville was warm and felt good. After reluctantly letting go, he was captured by another of Ville’s brightening and adorable smiles. Ville didn’t seem to know what to say either, but was just genuinely happy to see Bam. Finally, as it seemed Bam was too out of it to attempt speaking, Ville said something. It could have been “What’s up?” or “Good to see you.” Or something else, but Bam wasn’t really listening. His brain was busy with a million thoughts ranging from ‘he looks gorgeous…I wanna fuck him’ to ‘he’s too skinny…I gotta feed him.’ But the most invasive thought came when Ville grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him excitedly towards the entrance to the bus. Bam barely had time to grab his bag before being pulled up the steps. But what really got him, was not the relief of air conditioning or the voices shouting greetings to him after months of isolation, but the feel of Ville’s warm hand on his skin. He could have gotten lost in the wonderful sensation that he knew would leave his wrist tingling after Ville let go. It was such a simple, loving touch; not too tightly and possessively, but not too loose. Just perfect. And that was when the most invasive and foreboding of his thoughts came to surface.
‘I’m screwed.’

But as he gave Burton a hug and a pat on the back, Bam felt quite content in his obvious screwed-ness. His wrist was definitely still tingling after he had been forced to part from Ville. And he knew if this simple touch could drive him crazy then he was fucked. But for now…who cares? Because Ville was now gesturing for him to come to the back of the bus and have a beer. Ville and booze…what more could he ask for? They made small talk for awhile, until Bam asked when they would be playing.
Ville checked the time on his phone. “In a little while. 5:45 I think.” He answered. (A/N: yes that is when HIM actually goes on stage at Projekt. I am a freak and took a picture of the schedule board!)
“Well I get to watch right?” asked Bam, “I get a free show, riiiiight?” he joked.
Ville laughed too, “Haha yeah you get like fifty free shows! You’ll get sick of watching us play after awhile!”
Bam smiled “I’ll never get sick of watching you.”
Bam paused. Hopefully he hadn’t emphasized the ‘you’ too much. Ville didn’t seem to notice but Bam added a shaky “Er ya know cus you guys play great live!” anyways. Bam felt this heart beating irrationally fast…God, he needed to calm the fuck down!
Ville just shrugged at the compliment and they continued their banter, with an occasionally band member coming in and joining until it was time to go play.
Bam looked around backstage while the band warmed up. It gave him a perfect chance to observe Ville more; he watched him joke around with everyone and lightly shove Mige when the joke was turned on him. He watched him smile again, and Bam felt the need to be the one who made him smile like that. As the band walked onto the stage, and eruption of cheers went off. Ville hung back and went over to Bam to pull the beanie hat he was wearing down over his eyes. When Bam laughingly had pulled the hat off, he looked over to see Ville giving him a wicked smile before going onstage himself. Bam smiled shyly to himself, not even noticing the high girlish screams that could break glass suddenly appearing at Ville’s presence on the stage. Bam worked his way to the far left side of the stage, hidden behind curtains and equipment, to watch his favorite band play again.

All too soon, the set was over and it was time to go back to the bus. Bam didn’t mind too much because he just wanted to spend more time with Ville and his old friends. But when they got back Ville said they had to go hang out with some fans that won a contest. Ville smiled apologetically and said “See ya later” before leaving the bus again.
Bam went to the back and plopped down on the only bunk bed that didn’t have anything on it, so he assumed it was his. He felt pretty tired from traveling and soon found himself drifting off to sleep, hoping that at the next venue it would be hot enough for Ville to take his shirt off onstage….

Bam awoke to something ridiculously cold and wet being placed on his forehead. He opened one eye to see Ville leaning over him, smiling. He was holding an unopened beer bottle to Bam’s head, as apparently another way to wake him up.
“Heey thas cold.” Bam mumbled shooing the invading beer away from his forehead.
Ville just continued smiling anyways. “C’mon get up” he said, “everyone’s watching a boring movie. Come to the back and drink with me ok?”
Just by the way he was speaking, Bam could tell Ville had already had a couple and just didn’t want to get completely drunk by himself. Nonetheless, Bam sprang up and followed Ville to the back room of the bus.
“Damn, you sure drink a lot on tour.” Bam commented when they reached the back.
“Bam, that’s what touring is for…”

After a couple more drinks, Ville was properly drunk now, and Bam was getting there. Somewhere along the way Bam said something that made Ville burst out laughing and spill half his beer on himself as he laughed on the floor. After recovering from the stupid joke, Ville threw off his ruined shirt and proceeded to tell the same story about the time he was in London with Dani Filth and Dani got them lost. Bam only half listened, he knew the end of the story already anyways; he simply watched Ville and mused to himself that he didn’t have to wait until tomorrow to see him shirtless again.
Awhile after the story ended, Bam felt his stomach make unhappy noises and he realized he hadn’t exactly eaten properly all day.
“Hey Willa I’m hungry!” Bam said while trying not to look at Ville’s lean chest.
Ville grinned sheepishly through his drunken haze. “Oops. We don have food.”
Bam made an indignant noise, “Why not?”
Ville shrugged. “We need to stop off at lika gas station or a Costco… There was some food back at the venue but you fell asleep.”
Bam huffed and wondered if his empty stomach was the reason he suddenly pretty damn out of it after only three drinks. They sat in silence for awhile, until Vile brightened as if struck with a sudden idea.
“Hey Bammie I gotta question. What the fuck isit like to be married now huh?” Ville asked laughingly.
Bam startled. He had been waiting for this question and already come up with an excuse ages ago. All he had to say was, “Oh a little harder than I thought, ya know. But we’ll push through it, whatever ya know its fine.”
But he was buzzed and his tummy hurt so what came out instead was… “FUCKIN HORRIBLE!”
Ville sat up, startled. “Wha?”
“It sucks.” Bam stated matter-of-factly.
Ville had an odd look in his eye that Bam noted, and asked “Well fuck, how come? Did you fight? Tell me.”
Bam opened his mouth, but hesitated. Only Ryan was supposed to know…
“Oh its no big deal, I’ll tell ya later Vil.” He answered.
Ville nodded and swayed a bit, even though he was sitting down.
“I needa lay down.” He said before lying down on Bam’s leg and closing his eyes.
Bam stiffened.
‘OhgodOhgod. He’s laying on my crotch!’ he thought. Ok well, he was actually laying on his upper leg but, whatever. Leg, crotch, same thing.
Ville shifted, and Bam’s thoughts raced.
‘Oh fuck. W-what should I do with my hands?!? They’re just like hovering in the fuckin air! Could I put them on his head…like in his hair? Oh god, that would be nice…what if he passes out on me? That would be good too, I could look at him all night! But my leg kinda hurts already, it would fucking kill after a whole night, but still, it would be worth it!’
Ville made a weird sound and rolled over so that he was sorta…well…
‘Ok now he’s FACING my crotch! What the hell God must hate me! Is he breathing on my dick?!? I can’t feel it but…he must be! Cus… he’s gotta be breathing!’
Bam watched Ville’s chest rise and fall.
‘Ok yeah so technically he’s like breathing on my crotch. Is that like a blow job? Does that count?!?! Fuck…I think it should count.’
After a couple of minutes, Bam was pretty sure Ville was asleep, which was fortunate because his frantic thoughts had done no good, except to cause he jeans to feel much smaller in a certain area. Bam found a pillow and gently laid Ville’s head on it. He had the sudden urge to kiss him goodnight and stayed near him for a minute contemplating it. In the end, he was too afraid of waking him up, but God knows he wanted to. Bam then made his way to the bathroom to take care of his little problem (with some great new images to think about).

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My Heart Breaks