Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

agitator	By : UtsukushiiAiji Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Crossovers Views: 1723 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own or represent any of these celebrities. I make no profit from this, nor do I claim anything herein as the truth. It is purely fictional.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
*Papa Kohta sits down
in a wicker rocking chair with a silver puppy in his arms, coating scratched numerous times from falling off the couch*
“Gather ‘round children, Papa Kohta has a tale to tell--”
*Various indies J-rockers are forced into sitting before him with cattle prods because I don’t like kids and boys in baby doll dresses and kimonos adequately fill the gap*
“--about the days when real men wore bondage pants and skirts and the realer men owned stores that charged you 250 bucks for a bracelet just because they had the name to do so.”
*Band members clap half-heartedly until threatened with cattle prods again. Enthusiasm runs abundant*
“But before I start this heart-felt tale of lies, lust, love, liquor, lap dancing, laughter, lewdness, longing, loneliness and the freeze drying of goldfish, there are a few warnings I must present to you all. Do not listen to my tale if you have discrepancies about hearing about one or more of the following:
-Gackt bashing
-Kamijo bashing
-Klaha bashing
-Kisaki being an uppity asshole
-Taka being an uppity asshole
-Atsushi being a pimp
-Kirito being a pimp
-Mana being drunk
-Yu~ki being very drunk
-Ryutaro being harassed (repeatedly)
-Aiji being In Love
-Shinya being a playboy
-Hiro being protective
-Die being over-protective
-Ka-yu brandishing The Stick
-Miyabi vying to be The Sexy One
-Kaoru getting screwed
-Kaoru getting literally screwed
-Kohta leading us all to a better future
-Kamijo look-alikes
-Toshiya look-alikes
-hyde’s wife crackin’ the whip
-Kyo forming a plan to fuck everyone over
-Toshiya turning manic depressive
-Yuki crying
-Takeo’s Big Problem
-Shuse being himself
-Masa
-Sugizo looking for a “baby sitter”
-Morning Musume
-party hats
-the word ‘thespian’
-breast augmentation
-breast-like pads
-cow blood
-fish eyeballs
-scorpions
-sex
-drugs
-rock and/or roll
-cross-dressing
and last but not least HOMOSEXUALITY.”
*Takes deep breath while everyone cheers for homosexuality*
“So does that mean you’ll be gay this time too?”
*Kohta’s eyes narrow as he tries to figure out who said that. Everyone looks innocent*
“Uhh no….That doesn’t include me….I don’t think…”
*Everyone giggles*
“Just like you thought Kirito wasn’t gay?”
*Kohta tries in vain to figure out who the hell’s talking*
“Hey don’t drag my brother into this okay?”
*Another unnamed voice pipes up*
“You’re gay aren’t you?”
“What?!”
“You like Takeo don’t you?”
*Kohta blushes at the accusation and Sepia growls (electronically)*
“Okay whoever--”
“Kohta’s ga~y Kohta’s ga~y!”
*Slowly everyone picks up the chant and a room full of “children” are singing*
“Kohta’s ga~y Kohta’s ga~y Kohta’s---”
“Dammit children leave Papa Kohta alone! That’s it, Story Time’s cancelled!”
*A chorus of “Awwwwwwww” runs abundant. Kohta tries to ignore it*
“But Papa Kohta you promised!”
“Yeah you promised!”
*Kohta wavers a bit*
“Yeah you promised, you liar! Papa Kohta’s a liar! A dirty liar!!!”
“You’re a dirty gay liar!”
“Who likes Takeo!”
“YEAH!”
*Kohta tries not to slap his hand against his forehead in frustration*
“Okay apart from me not liking Takeo in any sexual manner whatsoever---”
*Someone in the back holds up a sign that says “NOT FOR LONG” in neon letters*
“---let’s just get this story going. It’s messed up enough as it is without me having to go through some emotional trauma as well and anyone who wants to argue that fact obviously doesn’t plan on listening that closely.”
*Everyone cheers again and brings out various fan stuffs, including jars of jam with Kyo’s face plastered on them and t-shirts sporting “I [heart] Aiji Being Dominated” and the likes, although Kohta seems uncomfortable with the random “KxK and I Don’t Mean Dir en grey” flags flying about*
“…….Okay anyways I’ve got a story to tell….”
*Averts eyes from the suggestive paraphernalia and drags out a big 500 page book, settling it on his lap beside Sepia and opening it*
“Once in a while a person comes along who dips a hand in what one thought was set in stone, changing and mixing things up regardless of whether you asked for it or not. Sometimes we sympathize and sometimes we don’t, but in each case it always leaves us a little disturbed, afraid of when we, too, will encounter our own
agitator
FILE 003: MASS GAME
~Without thinking I put my hand on your neck
You say nothing and you do nothing
I’m gonna sing the last lullaby for you while you smile at me
I wonder why I fell in love with you
Impossible love…..~
--Dir en grey, [KR] cube
~~~So it begins~~~
“They’re here!” Toshiya cried gleefully.
Three sets of blaringly different dyed hair turned at the sound of the bassist’s joyful exclamation.
“Hey you guys, someone help, *oof* shit these are heavy!!!”
Shinya got up and ran over to help his bandmate out before the other hurt himself. Die and Kaoru both looked over the back of the couch at the boy’s swearing and the sound of something large and heavy being dragged across the tile of Toshiya’s kitchen floor.
“Jesus Totchi, how many invitations did you order?” Die asked, eyeing the box Toshiya had taken to pushing and Shinya had started pulling with concern.
“Enough for everyone of course. It’s important this goes down as the best Visual Kei gathering in history dammit!” he grunted back in determination.
“And besides,” he added as they finally maneuvered the mass onto the wooden living room floor, “the napkins are in here too.”
Toshiya wiped the light sweat off his brow and looked to his hand in disgust as Shinya stood back up and brushed off his own hands. Kaoru offered his handkerchief to the bassist and he took it from him with a weak smile on his face. Things had yet to go back to normal between the two of them, but both of them were trying to ignore the fact for today at least.
“You ordered napkins?” Shinya asked dubiously.
“Hell yeah I ordered custom-made napkins. Had party hats made too, thank you very much.”
He quickly wiped his hand off on the fabric and gave it back to Kaoru, eager to kneel beside the box and start opening it.
“Oh c’mon Toshiya, party hats? Isn’t that just a little lame? We’re not 5 year-olds…”
The bassist didn’t bother looking at Die as he brandished a metal cutter and plunged it into the tape on the top of the box. Shinya went to gather pens for everyone to write with while Kaoru cleared space off the table.
“Yeah look who’s talking Mr. Had to Know If He Could Fit a Drumstick Up His Nose…and you haven’t seen these hats yet anyways. They’re special. Plus when everyone gets drunk, which will inevitably happen like it has at every other party we’ve been to, no one’ll be objecting to party hats, trust me.”
There was a loud ripping noise as he ran the blade cleanly through the adhesive.
“Yatta! Shin-chan grab the guest list will you? And Die you come here and help me unpack all this. Kaoru you, um, you just sit there and watch and make sure we don’t paper cut ourselves or something.”
The purple-haired guitarist nodded while Die walked around the couch and kneeled beside Toshiya. Shinya returned with writing implements and the guest list which had been jointly created and sat down near Kaoru, ready to go get band-aids in case injuries occurred.
“And here my friends, are the invitations to Kyo’s first ever industry birthday party!”
He threw open the cardboard flaps majestically with a toothy smile on his face.
Kaoru and Shinya leaned over the back of the couch to peer inside and Die looked downward as well. A small look of discomfort crept onto Kaoru’s finely chiseled features and Shinya politely put a hand over his mouth. Die, however, looked like he’d swallowed year-old milk and started coughing.
“What?” Toshiya asked in concern, noticing everyone had yet to say ‘cool!’ or ‘way to go Toshiya!’.
“God what the fuck is that SMELL???” Die spat out in disgust, eyeing the offensive pieces of paper in distrust while pinching his nose shut. “Haven’t you noticed it Toshiya? Smells like that box came from a fucking butcher shop or something….”
Toshiya took a deep breath, his nose having been runny do to all the crying he’d done as of late.
“Oh…..you’re right --it does stink, doesn’t it? I wonder why?”
He reached a hand in and cautiously pulled out a single invitation, other hand fanning the air around him to make the stench go away.
“Hey, why is this one damp?”
“Lemme see that.”
Die swiped the invitation from Toshiya fingers.
“Ohh gross it’s wet he’s right…and…”
He held the paper up to his nose and sniffed it.
“Toshiya…,” Die’s face scrunched a bit and then slipped into a serious glare, “….where did you get these done?”
“Umm….I don’t remember the name of the place…Inoue-san’s friend recommended it. He said they were used to making invitations and stuff for S&M balls and the likes and I thought it sounded like the perfect place to get Kyo’s invitations made from. Why?” the bassist said, reaching for another invitation while he answered.
“And what exactly did you tell them you wanted?”
“Well, just like what you’re holding…The outside to be black with shredded gauze on it, the font to be Old English calligraphy in silver, the inside to be white with black lettering, and the whole thing to be splattered in blood. Why, are they ugly? I designed them myself you know,” he added defensively.
“No Toshiya, they’re fine, except that we now have a shitload of invitations covered in COWS’ BLOOD sitting in the MIDDLE OF YOUR LIVING ROOM!!! Toshiya I love you to death but sometimes you are even more of a moron than I am! Didn’t you even stop to think about what you’d ordered? I mean look at this,” Die dug his hand in the box and fished out the receipt, “what the hell kind of price is this for a few hundred invitations and some napkins?! Weren’t you suspicious at all???”
Toshiya cowered away from Die and his accusations and the threatening receipt he was thrusting in his face.
“Don’t yell at me! Shinya tell your boyfriend not to yell at me! How was I supposed to know they were gonna put cow blood on the stupid things?” he whined back, tears gathering in his eyes in alarm. “I just said I wanted blood and when he said what kind I said whatever was fine okay??? I thought he was talking about the splattering style or something, I don’t know oh god how many baby cows did they kill to make these???”
By now Toshiya was crying and Shinya rushed to placate him while Kaoru went to the kitchen to go get some milk and Pocky, his boyfriend’s favorite comfort food.
“Die leave Totchi alone, I’m sure he’s just as shocked as you are…There there sweetheart, they’re beautiful invitations and I’m sure everyone will like them….And when the blood dries the stench should die down a little,” he added, trying to rationalize the situation at hand.
Die sighed.
“Sorry Toshiya, I didn’t mean to yell at you….I guess no one can mistake these for being anyone else’s invitations at least. And no one orders cards expecting real blood on them. I’ll start unpacking them.”
He mumbled a few curses under his breath and dipped his hands into the mess of cards.
“Here you go Toshiya, have some choco-almond Pocky and some milk,” Kaoru said softly while proffering an open package of the treats and a glass to the upset bassist.
Toshiya sniffled a little and turned his face away from Shinya’s hair to look at the food.
Kaoru held the package out a little closer and Toshiya gingerly reached for a stick. Their drummer sighed in relief as he stopped sobbing for a few moments to nibble on the sweet, and soon he had taken the package from Kaoru and was nursing another chocolate covered stick in temporary contentment.
“Baby, don’t you want the milk?” Kaoru asked in concern.
Toshiya’s eyes darted back to the glass and tears started welling up in them again.
“Oh my god it’s just like killing BAMBI!!!” he blurted in horror. “DIR EN GREY KILLS BABY COWS!!!!” he wailed, spitting a few pieces of Pocky onto Shinya’s t-shirt in the process and burying his face into his shoulder again.
“Toshiya get over it, your ass was eating kobe beef the other night and I didn’t hea--”
“Die keep unpacking the invitations like a smart guitarist will you?” Kaoru said “sweetly” from the kitchen, cutting him off. He was putting the offensive glass in the fridge before it caused any more problems.
“Okay okay whatever, just saying….”
He picked another stack of the soaked cards and set them on the floor.
“Hey Totchi, you didn’t ask them to put blood on the napkins as well did you?”
Toshiya sniffed hard and tried to control his voice.
“No….”
“Thank god, that’d just be plain gross wiping out mouths with musty bloody crepe paper…”
“….I told them…”
He got quietly nervous and sniffed again harder as Die’s eyes narrowed into his Tokyo Street Punk look.
“…. I wanted eyeballs in the corners of them all.”
“TOSHIYA!!!”
~*~
After an hour and a half of all four of them picking what appeared to be seared fish eyeballs out of the corners of the party napkins, everyone had forcibly mellowed out, including Die. He did have a little help though, seeing as Shinya nuzzled lovingly against him most of the time, trying to “keep warm” because Toshiya’s apartment was “too cold”. Toshiya had put in Lunacy as background music for everyone’s benefit and although he seemed to be the only one really enjoying it, no one complained. His eyes had gone back to their normal appearance, save for a bit of puffiness around the bottom, but he still had a runny nose from hell. Kaoru passed him tissues whenever he could, trying to make their hands touch or for Toshiya to look at him, but it hadn’t worked. No matter what he tried Toshiya found ways around interacting with him, or when he did, the usual fire looking to his lover stirred had been doused with ice water.
But it wasn’t my fault Toshiya, why won’t you listen to me? I love you, I thought you knew that…
He looked at Die resentfully.
Look at him, Shinya almost visibly drooling over him for once, when all this shit is his fault to begin with…And then he has the balls to say he’s ‘done his part’ and ‘can’t do anymore’…
That was true, even though he knew it wasn’t the other guitarist’s problem that telling Toshiya the same thing over and over again wasn’t making any difference. The circumstances had been somewhat bizarre and he could understand it seeming like a lame excuse, but even Die had tried to tell Toshiya Kaoru wasn’t lying. They’d been fooling around with each other at practice, Die teasing him about his neck again, and instead of poking at the bruises with his finger like he normally did, he shoved the end of his guitar into his neck instead. He hadn’t meant to actually hit Kaoru, just prod a bit, but Kaoru had turned at the wrong angle at the wrong time so it had done some major damage. But Toshiya refused to believe one word of the story.
Almost like he doesn’t want to believe…Like he’s looking for some excuse to leave me or something….
He picked another eyeball out and flicked it into the trash can.
I mean okay maybe I should have told you about it when it happened, but how the hell was I supposed to know he left a mark? And why don’t you trust me anyways? I know we agreed to stick to monogamy when we got together. I was the one who suggested it for crying out loud; I don’t want anyone else anymore. Why won’t you just listen to me? And now he wants to do all this shit for Kyo to make up for all of us being jerks to him…Okay yeah I can understand that but most of the time the guy asks for it and everyone knows it….I thought Toshiya disliked the asshole more than the rest of us to begin with. Not to mention he’s totally blowing off my birthday because we ‘celebrate it every year with a party’ and we ‘never celebrate poor Kyo-kun’s birthday’……I don’t like any of this. I hate the way it feels. There’s something really wrong and it seems like it’s only going to get worse. I just want him back in my bed, back in my room, braiding my hair like he always does….
His eyes drifted over to Toshiya’s slim boyish figure, long legs crossed awkwardly as he focused intently on finishing up the last of the napkins and humming along to Luna Sea.
Look at me Toshiya, please just look at me like you used to….
“Yes! FINALLY! I’m done with my stack!” Die stated in relief, throwing his hands up in the air and letting his body fall back onto the floor with a thump.
“Die, be careful you’ll hurt yourself,” Shinya warned as he held a little eye between his sharp nails and placed it gently in the trashcan nearest him.
“I already have Shin-chan…come kiss it better.”
“Die don’t talk like-aahhhh!!!”
Shinya yelped as Die’s arms wrapped around his waist, dragging him onto the floor and promptly maneuvering himself to sit on top of him.
“Or better yet I’ll kiss you first,” he murmured happily and homed in on Shinya’s parted lips.
Kaoru and Toshiya watched Die’s back as he leaned forward and they lost sight of his hair.
“Okay no making out on my living room floor guys, we have work to do,” Toshiya announced in a friendly enough voice, but Kaoru knew he was straining it.
“Hey I’m done with my work thank you very much Okaahan,” he called over his shoulder, hands creeping under Shinya’s shirt while the brunette tried in vain to keep working on his stack of napkins.
“We still have to put these in envelopes Daisukebe, so if you’re done with your work, get your ass up and go grab the guest list,” Toshiya said in his school teacher voice, eyes still fixed on an unruly napkin.
“Ehhhh, Okaahan’s pullin’ out the slander I see, I better go do what she says…”
“It isn’t slander, it’s the truth and you know it.”
He laughed while Toshiya smirked and Shinya tried to flick an eyeball into the trash but missed.
“Yeah yeah you’re just as bad, Toshiya’s just a hard name to mess with…but I’ll get you one day, just you wait.”
“You talk you talk…,” he murmured while waving a hand to dismiss the guitarist and Die gave in, getting off of Shinya to find the long list.
Kaoru finished up his share of the job as well with Shinya trailing him in completion. Toshiya was still working on his part as Die returned with the list and the pens his boyfriend had gathered earlier.
“Hey Toshiya, the CD’s done…Can I change it?” Kaoru asked softly, hoping yet again to create some eye contact between them.
“Sure,” came the simple reply. “Hey Shinya pick this one out for me, I can’t do it,” he asked abruptly, turning completely away from the guitarist all together.
I hate it when you act like this….
Trying to forget his loneliness and anger, Kaoru walked over the Toshiya’s CD collection and started digging through it. They normally spent their time at his place so he really didn’t know too much about what Toshiya kept around the house to listen to. A lot of it was surprising.
“You like La’Cryma Toshiya?” he asked while examining a burned CD entitled “La’Cryma Selection” with interest.
Shinya watched Toshiya as he had been all day when the guitarist spoke with him, handing the now eyeball-free napkin back to him. Die had told him the story and he was worried for his friends’ relationship. He knew the emotional youth was probably latching onto to something other than just that little incident, but he didn’t know enough about the two’s relationship to figure it out. And while he had been fairly polite about avoiding Kaoru, why he was visibly freezing right now was beyond him.
“Toshiya?” Kaoru called again, wondering if he’d heard him.
“I still have that CD? I thought I threw it away….”
Kaoru didn’t hear Toshiya’s murmuring and took it to be him ignoring him again.
Well whatever, if he has the CD obviously he likes them and maybe Taka’s mushy whining about love will soften him up a bit…Tch, I really am desperate aren’t I…
“If I had that CD I’d throw it away,” Die joked to no one in particular, not having seen the look on Toshiya’s face.
Kaoru pushed the shuffle button and hit play. He didn’t know anything about La’Cryma and he always had the feeling he was better off staying that way.
“Done.”
Toshiya set his last napkin down and the stacks were shoved aside by the three of them and the stacks of cards and envelopes were hauled into the middle of their little circle in replacement. Kaoru sat back down beside him as the song started up.
“Okay, everyone gets the list of the people they invited. Everyone remember best handwriting possible. We have to do everything ourselves to show Kyo we care.”
Die snorted a bit and Shinya nudged him in the ribs, hard. He seemed to be the only one that had noted the change in Toshiya’s voice.
“I went ahead and put the lists in alphabetical order of band names and then member names when I was checking them. No one complain about their list being longer because I told you all to invite the same amount of people. And if a person was listed twice I fiddled around and evened things out so don’t whine about not getting to invite Ryutaro yourself Die.”
He smirked and distributed the lists.
“There you go guys, let’s get started.”
Things were fine for a minute or so, everyone getting busy on addressing and stamping envelopes in quiet, Toshiya’s sniffling and Taka’s voice singing into the background the only things audible. Until, prompted by the insatiable urge not to let good joke time go to waste, Die started singing along, wobbling his voice exaggeratedly and totally dissing La’Cryma’s vocalist in the process. Shinya tried not to laugh, knowing that there was probably four guys sitting somewhere else at that very moment with Deg going in the background and some guy making fun of Kyo’s voice as well, but Die had a habit of being really funny when he started mimicking people. He tried to muffle his giggling for Toshiya’s sake, but when Kaoru was having a hard time holding it back as well, he eventually gave in and laughed. Die was rather pleased with the response and decided to squeeze Taka for every ounce of humor he was worth.
“Cry out your name kimi no subete o dakishimerarezu ah gomen ne??? What the hell kind of lyric is that? This guy writes the worst love songs on earth….”
“Die you never know, the English could be something profound,” Kaoru pointed out, but he was starting to think Die had hit the nail on the head. Taka’s voice was horrid AND he couldn’t write a decent lyric to save his life.
“Hey I know ‘cry’ and I know ‘name’ and it’s not making rethink the meaning of life, lemme tell you…”
Kaoru laughed a bit.
“This shit is pretty cliché huh? What did he say in that other song? Something about her making him melt?”
Die snorted again and they both laughed just listening to the voice still wailing away in the background.
“I know I know it’s like enka for the new millennium or something….”
Shinya threw his pen cap at Die to stop him from saying anything else amusing, but Die batted it away and went back to crooning out whatever he could from the song in the background. Kaoru laughed harder.
“Wa wa wa wa waaaaaaa----”
Toshiya slammed his pen into the floor.
“Would you two shut the hell up already?! Hiro’s a better guitarist than either of you will ever be!!!”
Die’s jaw hung open and Kaoru froze in mid-laugh at the venom in Toshiya’s voice.
Toshiya had never insulted the talent in his own band before.
Shinya was now very, very worried, all the cheer sucked right out of his eyes and into oblivion. A strange croak came out of Kaoru’s mouth even though he still had the smile from his previous laughter plastered on his ivory face, and Die stared at him like he’d just been kicked in the head.
“Yeah but..but…at least my band doesn’t suck as much as his,” the redhead said stupidly in retort, still not believing that he’d heard what he had and was afraid reality would hit all of them if he didn’t say something.
“Yes but he sure as hell has more of a brain than you do,” Toshiya spat and sent his stack of invitations flying, pushing his body off the wood floor and rushing heatedly towards his bedroom door.
The other three sat in a stagnant puddle of silence wondering what the hell had just happened.
The bedroom door slammed shut, sending unconscious flinching throughout the room.
“Okay is it just me, or was he ludicrously happy when we got here, then crying his eyes out, and now a hostile bitch?” Die asked quietly.
“Die don’t call Toshiya a bitch,” Shinya responded absently as he fretted over the young man’s wild mood swings.
“Well what would you call what just stormed out of here? Mother Theresa?”
Kaoru stared at the mess of cards and envelopes left in his boyfriend’s wake. He didn’t want to look at his own for fear that his entrails really had been torn out and now lay sprawled across them.
No one knew what to say really. Die moved closer to Shinya as the drummer bit his lip and tried to sign his name in the corner of another card. He took the clip out of his boyfriend’s hair and began running his fingers through the wheat gold strands and did what he was best at -- ignoring whatever bothered him and concentrating on something he liked instead. Shinya glanced uneasily at Kaoru, who looked positively crushed.
“Ne….Kaoru-kun…”
“I’ll got talk to him,” he said lifelessly in return.
~*~
What is wrong with me?!
Toshiya grabbed the nearest pillow and hugged it violently, gathering himself into as much of a ball around the soft mass as he could.
I’ve never said something that horrible about Die and Kaoru before, and I haven’t thought of him, let alone said his name, in such context in years…..Why am I being like this? Why can’t I just let it go?
He believed Kaoru when he’d explained things. He believed Die when he had claimed it had been his fault. He believed it was the mark a guitar would make and not another set of lips. But he would not, no matter how hard he tried, even if video footage of the event was thrown in his face, let it go. And that scared him more than anything.
What the hell does it mean? Do I even want to know? Why is this happening when I love Kaoru? When I love him? I love him dammit, I love him….
“If you’re not talking about me then I….I…”
Toshiya cringed away from the voice in shock.
“….I…oh Toshiya…..” Kaoru choked on the end of the sentence unnaturally.
The bassist had no idea he’d said that last thought out loud or that Kaoru had entered the room. He hid his face in the pillowcase and turned his head aside.
“Go away Kaoru.”
But the soft sound of footsteps pressing into carpet came closer.
“I said go away!”
He threw the pillow he had been hugging onto at the figure. Kaoru held an arm up to take the brunt of the blow and let the soft mass slide to the floor.
“Toshiya, is it because you don’t want me here that you’re acting like this? If you hate me that’s fine, tell me to leave, but I know you don’t hate Die and Shinya so much as to make them worry the way they are now.”
The bassist was quiet and curled his toes in agitation, watching the bones buckle with steadfast intensity, the small noise of them popping audible to both pairs of ears.
“Baby,” the mattress sunk lower as another body sat down beside him, “what’s wrong? You’re starting to scare us….”
He wanted to grab hold of something else and wrap his body around it, but there wasn’t anything. He brought his knees to his chin and wrapped his arms around his legs instead.
“You don’t have to tell me, but…”
A shaking finger brushed against his cheek.
“…please tell someone okay?”
If I knew what was wrong with me I wouldn’t be acting like this!!!
“I’m really worried about you…”
More fingers joined the previous one as a hand tentatively caressed his face.
“You know for the past three weeks my apartment hasn’t been the same….I can’t sleep at night like I used to because I don’t have you beside me…I don’t look at my TV because it reminds me of anime we should be watching together or games we should be playing….I just don’t understand why we’re fighting or doing whatever we’re doing right now instead of holding one another like we normally do…There’s this dull ache where I used to swell with pleasure at the thought of you and I hate it….”
Toshiya’s body rocked slightly back and forth as he listened to the soothing voice.
“Please say something Totchi, say anything….”
The hand dropped from his cheek.
“……….Kaoru?”
His voice was small and unlike the usual glitzy attitude he put forth.
“Yes Toshiya?”
Kaoru strained to see Toshiya’s dark eyes hiding behind his bangs and knees.
“You…..you love me don’t you?”
“Is that what this is about?”
There was relief in the older man’s voice.
“Toshiya, I love you more than anything…..”
He could feel the other shifting near him, looking for another opening to touch to reinforce his words.
I need your touch too, it’s just….
The bassist let go of his knees and let his legs stretch out, moving onto his side slightly to face Kaoru. Still averting his eyes he reached a hand out to touch the other’s leg, fingertips tracing lightly over the coarse fabric as he signaled he wanted to be embraced. Comforting arms soon engulfed his thin body and brought his close.
“….My lovely Toshiya….”
His words wrapped around them both until the bassist found them to be too suffocating.
“Kaoru,” he murmured into his lover’s narrow shoulder, “if I were a woman….would you have married me by now?”
The guitarist was surprised by such a question but didn’t hesitate in answering for fear of upsetting the younger man again.
“If you were a woman yes….”
He held onto the slender frame tighter, burying his face in the lush raven strands.
“But I’m not a woman am I? Does that mean you won’t marry me?”
The questions were spoken emotionlessly and Kaoru felt awkward upon hearing them, his hold on the warm body slackening a little.
“Toshiya…,” his voice dipped lower, “I can’t marry you, you know that….”
I know that but it’s not what I want to hear…..
“Not by law, no….”
“What?”
Once again the words had been spoken too softly for him to hear.
“Nothing….”
Toshiya pulled back a little to kiss Kaoru’s cheek.
“Will you take me home with you tonight?”
Kaoru smiled, the sensation of his lover’s lips having touched his skin drowning out anything else. It had been too long.
“If you want to come home with me tonight…”
“Un…”
He didn’t question his boyfriend’s abrupt change of heart. So long as he had him in his arms nothing could go wrong, or so he thought.
Nor did he notice how hard Toshiya was trying to keep the tears from falling…
~*~
“You…you don’t think they’re going to break up, do you?”
Shinya scribbled his name onto another invitation and sighed, letting his head lean back on Die’s shoulder.
“I don’t think so. It’s normal for couples to fight once in awhile, especially when they’re as close as the two of them…”
“Hnn…”
The words didn’t seem to hold the logic they should have. Die tightened his hold around Shinya’s waist.
“You’ll tell me if I do something you don’t like, won’t you?”
“Of course I will, but I don’t want to think about us fighting…..”
Die kissed the silky hair. His lover smelled like chamomile and coco butter.
“Me neither…..”
The redhead watched as the drummer went back to signing cards. He’d decided to take a break until the two men in the bedroom came to some sort of decision and reemerged.
“Hey Shinya, can I see your guest list?”
Shinya looked back over his shoulder.
“Hmm? Why?”
“I dunno, just wanna see who you invited, that’s all….,” he said nonchalantly, but his boyfriend knew by now the jealous streak within Die was a mile wide. Hiding anything from him concerning other people tended to be nothing but trouble.
“Well no one you wouldn’t expect I don’t think…”
He looked at Die’s charming smile of tolerance and knew any kind of reasoning wasn’t going to get him far. His long fingers picked up the list and handed it over.
“Here you go Die-kun.”
His boyfriend’s smile widened into a clear white show of teeth as his eyes latched onto the piece of paper being offered. He tried to skim over the list naturally, like he just wanted something to do, but his mind was looking for the distinctive katakana of a certain vocalist’s name in particular.
Okay boring boring don’t know him don’t care about him made a pass at him once boring fuck you Chisato you little Cybersoul bitch I’ll get you when I’ve got time boring don’t know him don’t know him BINGO there you are you blonde wannabe pimp you….
“Hey Shin-chan?”
Another card was neatly slipped in an envelope and a stamp placed in the corner.
“Yes?”
“Why is Yasu on the list? None of us are friends with Janne Da Arc….”
“I know,” he began while still systematically working through the stack, “but he’s a really nice guy and I went drinking him with a couple times. You know, invited him to be polite and everything. And besides, the list wouldn’t be too big if we invited cross-dressing bands only. I think you’d like him though, he’s got your sense of humor.”
He looked over his shoulder and smiled.
Die smiled weakly back.
That sure as hell wasn’t what he remembered hearing the other night….Well it had been longer than that but those few words spoken and the dreamy look on Shinya’s face were forever burned into his memory. But there was no mention of his “cute smile” this time and shy Shinya wasn’t blushing at all…..Weird.
“Oh okay, if you say so….I’ll make sure to talk to him at the party.”
And then pop him in his cute face so there’ll be no meetings between the two of you again.
Somehow the thought of Shinya screwing other guys didn’t make him too angry, seeing as he’d had his fair share, okay more than his fair share, of sex in his life as well, and maybe because he really couldn’t envision it happening despite the fact that his ass could. It was like if Shinya would have shown up one day at practice and said he’d impregnated a fan --- no one would believe him. It just wasn’t Shinya. But the thought of other men screwing his boyfriend made him extremely unhappy, because that didn’t depend on Shinya’s inherit timidity and bashfulness. Well it kind of did seeing as that kind of personality was desirable to the average predator and would only serve to get Shinya in their bed faster. And since he still wasn’t sure who all had been in that position of dominance the idea was making him antsy whenever he thought about it -- this whole party ordeal had only brought it to the front of his mind again. Die did not deal with jealousy well, but he refused to admit it to himself. In his mind, despite whatever took place between them in the bedroom, Shinya was like a young girl, and young girls needed protecting by their older men. Like princesses or something. Like he was his princess and he was his knight in shining armor or whatever they always said in English. Sure he was a princess who gave it to him pretty good whenever he got drunk but still, the fact that he needed protecting didn’t change. Men preyed on people like Shinya and they did bad things to them like getting them wasted and---
He looked to his lover.
----okay well other men didn’t have a right to do those kind of things. Yeah no shit. Only him. He was in love with Shinya.
“And oh hey, look,” he said innocently, watching for Shinya’s reaction, “you invited Chisato too….You know either Kaoru or Toshiya’s inviting Hakuei right, and Hakuei’ll bring the rest of his band…..”
“Yeah but Chisato and I went fishing once and it would be rude of me to just wait until someone else dragged him to the party, don’t you think? We had such a fun time too. He’s the only guy I know who can catch something on every throw,” the brunette said with respect.
Fishing?
He’d never heard it called that before….And since when did Shinya like the great outdoors?
“Oh how….quaint.”
He was at a loss for another word.
“Hey Shinya, just out of curiosity, how do you know most of these guys?” he asked while looking the list over again. God even Kozi was on it and he had no idea why Shinya would ever talk to one of the Malice Mizer guys….
“Well you know, because we went out and did stuff together…Like they invited me to go bowling or to watch a baseball game or go sakura viewing or something…You know, stuff like that. Most of the guys are really nice when they’re off stage and not putting on acts.”
BOWLING???
Die knew Shinya was polite, and that he rarely turned down an invitation to do something, but since when had he become so popular? Even though he didn’t talk much at practice (although his new relationship with the redhead was quickly ending that), he’d thought he would have mentioned something about having so many acquaintances…And with guys like, he looked to the list again and pulled a random name, Yuna too he---wait Yuna??? Now Shinya was getting buddy buddy with indies band members as well? What the hell?
“Ohh….I’m uh sure they are….”
Die crunched his brain.
It just didn’t make sense….
But if only Die had known the one prevailing factor in all of those excursions Shinya’s popularity would have made perfect sense. He wasn’t the only one who had thought intoxication was the way to crack the ice around the boy…They’d all just improvised and been more slick about it. Bars were too obvious. And he had quite a reputation circling about in the industry, but no one in Dir en grey, including Shinya himself, knew about it. Shinya never talked to them about his outside life to begin with, and adding his alcohol slogged memory into the fray didn’t help anything. Of course no one wanted to hurt the boy or set out to deceive him; they just wanted to taste a little bit of the enigma for themselves --- the natural course of things when a beautiful, fragile object is placed in the public eye with a “do not touch” sign dangling in front. And since no one had ever heard of an angry Shinya demanding blood the next day, well…..
“Die-kun doushita no? You look, I don’t know, you look puzzled or something….”
“Eh?” Die looked up, trying to wipe his previous expression off with a grin, “No no, nothing’s wrong, just wondering if the place Toshiya rented out has enough glasses for all these people. You know, ‘cause a lot are coming. And stuff.”
Shinya smiled. That sounded like his normal Die.
Before anything more on the topic could be said, the bedroom door opened. Both turned their heads at the sound, anxiety written plainly on their faces as they were jogged back to reality by the noise. Kaoru peeked his violet head out and smiled at the two in reassurance, letting much needed relief rain down to wash away the previous tension. He said something over his shoulder to the bassist and then the two of them came out, Kaoru looking happier than he had in a long time and Toshiya with his eyes averted to the floor, still sniffling occasionally.
“Sorry about that guys,” the younger of the two said softly, looking up slightly and smiling meekly, “I guess I must be having the male equivalent to my period or something….”
Die laughed and Shinya smiled again, but Shinya wasn’t fooled.
“It’s okay Totchi, we all gotta have weird days sometimes.”
“Suman.”
Toshiya gave a small bow in apology and the guitarist waved it away good-naturedly. Kaoru wrapped his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder and led him back to the small circle they had set up. Shinya had cleaned up the mess the bassist had made, so to prevent further awkwardness Toshiya sat down and took up what he had been doing before his outburst, like nothing had happened.
How can they both be so blind? the drummer wondered while discreetly watching his friend from the corner of his eye. Toshiya’s nearly on the verge of tears….and Die’s so totally oblivious when it comes to reading human emotion it should be a sin…But Kaoru, Kaoru seems like he’s totally content that Toshiya looks miserable…That’s not like him. Can’t he see? What’s going on?
He briefly pondered if he should try and talk to Toshiya about it when they were alone, but Toshiya had a habit of clamming up even worse than himself when it came to things that were really upsetting him. He also had a habit of stuffing it deeper and deeper inside of him until he snapped at the most inconvenient of times and lost it. That’s what Shinya was really afraid of. It had only happened twice since he’d joined the band -- once when a close relative had died and then again over some relationship that he never spoke of but his ranting had seemed to be obvious enough to attribute it to a lover. The first time had nearly cost them a live and the second had left them without a bassist for a month of practice. Both had been really horrible times that everyone had endeavored to forget. But it was easy enough to forget when Toshiya was playful and witty and sexy most all of the time, charming anything within a two mile range. Dangerously easy to forget, and it seemed that everyone except he had. Shinya’s stomach clenched awkwardly in remembrance and concern. If Kaoru didn’t make things right for his lover soon, something was going to happen. Something bad.
And he had a sinking feeling it was going to be at this party.
~~~One Week Later~~~
“Get up you big dork, you’re too heavy!”
“……..nnnn…….No.”
“Ka-yu!”
“……..No.”
“I know your ass wants to sleep but at least let me get up!”
“…………………………No.”
Yasu found himself laughing despite the hulking form slowly squashing him to death. Ka-yu smiled into his chest.
“Quit it this isn’t funny!”
He felt Ka-yu’s smile widen and tried to stop smiling himself.
“Ka-yu if we don’t go to practice Kiyo’s gonna barbeque both our asses and serve us as lunch to the band and you know it.”
Something was mumbled beneath the magenta and onyx mop.
“What was that?”
“……I said at least he’d add some flavor to yours.”
Yasu slapped the top of his head.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“……..means no.”
The blonde sighed.
“You have to be the most impossible bassist ever.”
“I hear Toshiya is,” he murmured into the cream colored skin.
“Well at least he doesn’t think a camera gives him the right to totally blow off practice and parade around in bunny ears for the whole time instead, which, I might add, is all you’ve been doing this whole week so I have no idea why you’re being so difficult or why you don’t want to go so get off me!!”
He tried to shove the half-sleeping form off of his pinned body yet again to no avail. Another exasperated sigh followed.
“Ka-yuuuuuuuu….”
Yasu tried his whining tactic.
“No. Comfortable.”
“Ka-yuuuuuuuu I have to go to the bathrooooooom……”
There was silence as Yasu could almost hear the other man pondering the seriousness of that threat. The blonde turned up the sweetness level another notch.
“And if I get to use the restroom now then I may just feel like cooking breakfast…..”
“……………”
“And making bacon……Those big thick juicy slabs you like so much…..And eggs….Scrambled with cheese, all gooey and delicious….And toast, with butter and strawberry jam just like you like it….A really manly breakfast like one of those Canadian lumberjacks would eat…..”
“……..”
“…..Just to match that horrid tits and ass tattoo you got on your arm…..”
Ka-yu smirked. His most recent tattoo pissed Yasu off more than Nazis.
“…She’s pretty and her name’s Shiva.”
The vocalist rolled his eyes and acted like he hadn’t heard that comment.
“And then you could feel all manly and big and strong while your little blonde girlfriend here would be just so ecstatic about it all he would let you be on top more often and he may even let you spank him like you always want to and forget all about nasty little Shiva and her D cup breasts. How does that sound sweetheart?”
Ka-yu yawned.
“Good but……not good enough.”
“Okay how about you let me up right now or I cook that breakfast, shove it down your throat, and while you’re gagging on it remove Shiva myself with a potato peeler? That sound better?”
The bassist tried not laugh at his boyfriend’s frustration. But knowing Yasu the threat might not be too far from the truth and he saw it as time to give in.
“Okay okay….just leave Shiva alone.”
He rolled over as a pillow came crashing down on his head to covey what Yasu thought of that.
“You are such a pain in the ass sometimes my dear….”
The half-dead mound snickered.
Yasu threw the covers off of his partially nude body and got out of bed, or rather climbed out of it seeing as it wasn’t ground level. Letting Ka-yu sleep over at his apartment always left him regretting it in the morning considering his bed, like his apartment, was designed to accommodate one person. Not two. Especially not two full grown men. And especially not Ka-yu, who believed it was his duty to sleep on top of his boyfriend rather than beside him in order to make him feel loved. He was pretty sure the thing was going to give someday soon due to the weight and well, the strenuous use it got put through on a regular basis.
While Yasu loved his nice, clean, somewhat spacious, loaded with fun-to-play-with electronics and tons of CDs apartment, it was not, in any way, a love nest.
His feet hit the wooden floor with an audible thump.
And I definitely don’t have enough room for Shiva as well, he thought resentfully while he stretched.
He’d told Ka-yu a million times not to get that stupid tattoo considering it made him look no better than your average chauvinistic pig but oh no, he had to “do it for his dad” because heaven forbid his father think his son didn’t “look like a man”. And according to the bassist he was already having suspicions about him since he was in one of those “Fruity Bands” as he lovingly referred to Visual Kei, and his son’s vocalist “looked like a queer” so he was worried it might “rub off on him”.
Yasu snorted. Fucking old people.
Obviously weren’t any samurai in that blood line, that was for sure.
He headed for the kitchen to go cook breakfast.
It really didn’t bother him too much though, seeing as his boyfriend’s other arm was covered in something decent and Shiva wasn’t overly offensive besides her lack of clothes, but he still liked to bitch. He knew Ka-yu would never deny being gay, at least not to people outside of his immediate family -- it wasn’t like that at all. The big goofy bassist was just….what was that word again?
…Butch.
That was it. Very very butch, Shiva seeming to remind him of that fact and keeping him content. And Yasu found it adorable.
He’s as much as a man can be without a woman coming into the scene. That’s my baby.
“Hey,” the deep voice was cut off by a long yawn, “hey Yasu-kun I can’t go back to sleep…..Feel sorry for me and give me attention.”
Yasu turned around to see the object of his affection standing in the kitchen doorway clad in plaid boxers and scratching his stomach sleepily. He went back to getting out the frying pan and other necessities for breakfast.
“Awwww my little grizzly bear can’t go back to sleep…Sorry to say Mommy is busy cooking you breakfast so you might just have to wait for once. But if you feel like making her happy and keeping her from spitting in your food you can go get her the mail like a good little cub.”
The vocalist flashed a thousand watt smile over his shoulder.
Ka-yu snorted affectionately in return and made his way into the kitchen.
“Of course Mommy, anything to keep you from spitting in my food.”
Yasu yelped as he felt fingers pinch his rear but before he could retaliate Ka-yu was already stepping out the front door.
A few moments later the bassist was stepping back through the door just as the smell of fried eggs was starting to fill the apartment.
“Hey Yasu-kun you got something spooky in the mail.”
The blonde shuffled the yellow goo around with a spatula expertly.
“Spooky? What the hell do you mean by that?”
“Well look at it.”
What seemed to be a Halloween card was dangled before his eyes, but considering there was no Halloween in Japan he knew it couldn’t be that.
“Read it out loud, breakfast still needs attending to.”
Ka-yu walked over to the kitchen table and sat down, setting the rest of the less suspicious mail down beside him.
“Okay well the front….,” his voice trailed off as he inspected the front of the card.
The eye catcher was a drawing in the middle of a sexless person huddled with their face touching their knees and their back to the reader, a head of sleek black hair falling over their shoulders. But the most striking thing was what seemed to be raw wounds carved into the ivory back, crimson oozing out with slick wing-like appendages emerging. Ka-yu couldn’t tell if they were supposed to be angel or demon wings or what since they were black, wet, and had yet to be unfurled. Either way it was a good piece of art. A small symbol was drawn in the right hand corner and had the bassist ever seen anything the other bassist had drawn, he would have known it to be Toshiya’s signature. The sides of the picture blurred into a thick black border with a wispy, brushstroke appearance and light gauze was scattered about like cobwebs. That and what seemed to be brown paint as well, which he thought was kind of odd but hey, not like he knew what the hell this was to begin with.
“The front has this strange picture of an angel or something and the phrase ‘Boku no senaka kara kuroi hane ga umaetekuru’ written at the bottom in silver. Not like I know what the hell that’s supposed to mean but whatever.”
“Well what’s it say inside?” Yasu asked while the sizzling of raw bacon hitting the frying pan roared up in the background.
Ka-yu opened the card.
“ ‘Dear Friend of Dir en grey:’ -- whoa shit Dir? What the hell do they want with us?” he asked, now officially surprised/freaked out.
“Dammit Yu-kun if you don’t keep reading we’ll never know!”
Ka-yu grumbled a bit but continued.
“ ‘Dear Friend of Dir en grey:
It is our pleasure to invite you to Kyo’s first ever industry birthday party taking place on February 24th at Toho Dance Hall (see address, map, and RSVP number below). The event will start at 8:00pm sharp but no official ending time has been set.’
-- which means they’ll be planning to get us all wasted,” he added and Yasu smirked,
“ ‘Refreshments will be provided and the facility has a bar’
---see I told you---
‘but no dinner will be served so please eat beforehand. The event is being held at a prestigious establishment so please dress semi-formal.’
Shit I bet you that means they expect dates too. The sadistic bastards…
‘All guests may feel free to invite family and friends so long as the accompanying persons are stated upon RSVP so that we may accommodate them as well. Music and entertainment has been lined up so please come and enjoy. We look forward to seeing you there.
Signed,
Shinya’ ”
Yasu nearly dropped the frying pan in mid bacon flip.
“Shinya? You know Shinya Yasu-kun?” Ka-yu inquired absently, still inspecting the odd card in his hands. There was brown stuff splattered all over the place…
“I…..”
Yasu slapped the bacon next a pile of eggs on a china plate and wished the toaster didn’t take as long as it did.
“I…don’t know Shinya….I met him…once…at the grocery store….Maybe he remembers me…” he said slowly, planning out his lie as he went along.
“Man they must be desperate for guests if they’re inviting famous passerbys…Well it is Kyo’s birthday party after all na, and from what I hear he doesn’t get along with anyone too well….”
Yasu snatched the toast gratefully from the oven and slathered it in condiments.
“Yeah….Kyo, real weirdo that guy….”
He hurriedly grabbed the food-laden plate and a glass of orange juice and emerged from the kitchen.
“Here baby look, I cooked your favorite! Mommy loves you after all Yu-chan,” he said lovingly while wafting the plate in front of hungry eyes. Needless to say the card was soon forgotten about as the beast within Ka-yu rushed forth to consume the food before anyone else may magically appear and try and wrestle it from his mouth.
“Thghnk yhno” he gurgled out around a mouthful of egg. Yasu smiled happily and patted him on the back.
“Remember to chew baby, remember to chew….”
He vocalist watched as his koibito wafted down his labor of love for a few minutes, and then his eyes drifted back to the card. Discreetly (although he knew it made no difference whatsoever seeing as Ka-yu had hit his other oblivious stage besides sleep) he picked up the invitation and walked back in the kitchen to examine it.
“Yash-gun,” Ka-yu chewed a bit more, “food…eat…come,” he managed to get out.
“In a minute baby,” the vocalist called back, opening the card, “I’m making myself a plate right now…”
His eyes honed in on two words, one of which was scribbled and only partially readable.
Signed,
Shinya
Sure enough that was what it said. And sure enough that was the only member of Dir en grey he knew.
And sure enough he’d spent a couple nights making sure his name was cried from those pretty full lips.
Yasu sighed, something he’d gotten into the habit of doing ever since he’d started dating Ka-yu.
This went in the category of Not Good, possibly leaning towards the category of Really Not Good and asking for a promotion.
Well, he hadn’t totally lied about the grocery store thing….Shinya and him did live in the same district and even though as a part of Tokyo it was huge, turned out they were both looking for the same spice and had ended up at a sort of specialty import store. It was right at the time that Ka-yu had gotten Shiva done and had yet to explain himself; Shuji had told him he’d seen it and of course he’d gone ballistic, the natural reaction for any man who’s boyfriend decided they wanted a naked woman on their arm for the rest of their life. So he’d been basically moping and trying to cook a new dish to take his mind off of the rumor when he had bumped into this slim, tall, quiet youth who seemed to be hiding himself in his baggy clothes and a floppy hat. But he was handsome, Yasu noticed that first thing. Handsome, shy, and giving off waves of homosexuality strong enough to knock him down flat. And that was enticing. Enticing enough for him to tell Shiva to go fuck herself while he got revenge. So after chatting the younger man up a bit they’d ended up at a bar since it seemed Shinya had yet to learn the word ‘no’ despite his age. Soon enough things had gotten friendlier due to intoxication, and then they got really friendly once Shinya seemed to think he was Yasu’s t-shirt and not to be removed from his body. And then well, things happened and Yasu ended up a very satiated vocalist lying on his couch the next morning. So that was over, and Shinya had been gone in the morning, which made him feel bad, making it a point to invite him over to dinner the same week to explain things to him and that he wasn’t normally a one night stand person, just that a certain tattoo had driven him crazy. But Shinya didn’t seem to be mad or upset at all, and by the end of dinner and two bottles of wine later the same thing was happening all over again.
Which was all fine and dandy provided he never saw him again, because now that things were fine with him and his little grizzly bear Shinya’s ass was bear food provided Ka-yu ever set eyes on him.
Not like Ka-yu knew (not like Yasu was stupid enough to tell him), but he didn’t know if Shinya was inviting him to this party because he had the hots for him or what. That would be bad. Really bad if Shinya liked his face at all. Ka-yu had a jealousy streak that probably outdid Die’s, logic being “you touch my man I cripple you with stick” and he had the muscle to pull it off. And he didn’t think Shinya deserved to be crippled with a stick just for finding him attractive. Or sleeping with him.
He hesitantly glanced over at his boyfriend who was almost licking his plate clean.
Maybe going to the party wasn’t such a great idea….
He shut the invitation and set it on the counter, grabbing his plate of food that was now cold, maybe lukewarm at best.
“Hey Yu-kun, do you um, really want to go to this party?”
Ka-yu watched with a look of disbelief as Yasu came to the table and sat down beside him.
Phew, that must mean no….
“What, are you kidding me? And pass up all this free liquor? And a chance to see various celebrities topple over on their platforms after drinking too much? And a chance to show off my baby here and you?”
Ka-yu jumped back to narrowly avoid being stabbed by a fork.
“Of course I wanna go!”
His boyfriend rolled his eyes and shoved his eggs around maliciously. Ka-yu would jump off a cliff for free liquor if he thought there was some at the bottom.
“Well if your ass decides to wear something to show off Slutty Shiva then you can forget about being my date.”
He took a bite out of his toast and chewed indignantly.
“Awww Yasu-kun sweetie I was only joking…I’ll wear whatever you want me to ne.”
Ka-yu leaned over and kissed the top of his boyfriend’s golden hair. Yasu grinned.
“So long as we don’t pass up the free liquor.”
~*~
“Mana-sama your mail has arrived.”
The young girl bowed reverently and placed a neat stack beside the rigidly seated figure quietly, bowing again before she retreated quickly.
“Thank you Sakura-kun.”
“Yeah nice ass Sakura-kun.”
Mana rolled his eyes and Kozi gave a half-hearted punch at Yu~ki’s arm to get him to shut up. Klaha blushed.
They’d been sitting in the same chairs all night long debating one single topic. At the start of last night Mana had brought wine to drink for their little meeting which was supposed to last an hour, but had ended up being 12 instead. And since wine seemed to be the only thing Mana would drink, throughout the night the initial bottle as well as his supply in the studio had steadily disappeared as the debate went on, most of it ending up in Yu~ki’s stomach, seeing as he had forgotten he was drinking wine right about the 5th hour into it all. He was now Very Drunk, despite it being eight in the morning, and the others had no idea how he was still awake given the circumstances. Kozi was Near Dead, brain empty from lack of sleep with a croak to match since he’d passed the time unconsciously chain-smoking. Mana had gone into zombie mode after the cigarettes and wine had made him feel sick and then the fatigue had set in, which all amounted to him looking pretty much like Everyday Mana. Klaha was the only one who hadn’t touched anything and wasn’t in a state of comatose, which wasn’t sitting too well with the other Malice Mizer members seeing as he was the problem to begin with.
“You know, I don’t see why we don’t just cut his hair off and give him blue contacts,” Yu~ki said in a slurred voice, head hanging off the back of his chair as he stared at the ceiling.
“Yu~ki that’s the 10th fucking time you’ve suggested that this meeting and IT STILL WON’T WORK,” Kozi spit and then coughed until his head hit the table and he closed his eyes.
“Not to mention I already have blue contacts,” Klaha added quietly.
“Klaha,” Mana said while shifting through the mail, “shut up.”
“Oh no!” Yu~ki threw his hands up in the air, calling to the ceiling and the heavens beyond for an answer, “No let Mr. I Think I’m In The Venetian Opera speak! Let him tell us why he lied to us and told us he could sing in a rock band! Let him tell us why he has the sex appeal of a dried fig! Let him tell us why he still can’t pronounce the English right even though we hired a coach for him! Why he couldn’t make a witty remark in an interview to save his life! Why he..why he….why he….he….”
Yu~ki’s arms fells down and his jaw went slack as he passed out.
The original debate had been entitled “To Touch or Not To Touch: An Analysis of Fanservice and Klaha”, and Mana had even brought along color illustrations and diagrams to emphasize the pros and cons of having Klaha’s hands on him. The main problem was that Malice fans were still looking to see their idol be fondled but were having a hard time swallowing fondling done by Klaha, and they had yet to find a way to resolve the problem. By the 6th hour they seemed to have reached some sort of conclusion: It appeared that no matter what the other members tried to do to him, he was in essence still not Gackt, and until he became Gackt this issue would not be solved. Then around the 8th it was realized that Klaha would never become Gackt, thus rendering him more of a pain in the ass than originally planned. And right about now they were realizing that they didn’t really like Klaha at all.
“Oh look. We seem to have been invited somewhere,” Mana said calmly, ignoring the slight snoring noise Yu~ki was now emitting and examining the three black envelopes he had plucked from today’s mail. “Here Kozi, Yu~ki.”
He slid the cards over to the two who in all actuality seemed too far gone to have heard him.
Delicate fingers broke the seal on the envelope, his eyes stoically inspecting the invitation within.
“Looks like Dir en grey is throwing a party. How lovely,” he murmured while eyeing Toshiya’s signature with great, yet unreadable, pleasure.
“Mana-sama?” Klaha asked quietly. “…..Why didn’t I get one?”
The guitarist disregarded the question, still eyeing Toshiya’s signature. Two heads snapped up simultaneously.
“BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES YOU,” the bassist and guitarist yelled, having risen from the dead with a purpose.
“Oh.”
Klaha tried to make himself look small and stared at the table. It was either this or not being famous, and he liked being famous so….
Kozi’s head hit the table with a dull thud.
“We never should have let Gackt go,” he sobbed into the wood.
“AMEN!” Yu~ki exclaimed as he threw his hands up again, the force sending his chair dangerously teetering on two legs.
Mana looked over the artwork on the front again and voiced his preoccupied agreement.
“Yes, it is a shame Gackt passed away isn’t it…”
Klaha looked at the flawless guitarist and bit his lip.
He wasn’t going to say it, he wasn’t….
Everyone was quiet as he looked to the other two members who had lapsed into oblivion again.
He wasn’t….but….
“Mana-sama….I thought Kami was the one who passed away…”
The all too feminine man looked up at the comment, his eyes alarmingly ominous, and said in a tone that could freeze blood,
“Gackt is dead.”
Klaha cringed at the tone and went back to looking small. No more questions for him today.
Yu~ki chuckled a bit which blurred into a groan as his head swam faster than his body could and left it behind.
“Maybe if we had his eyes altered?” Kozi mumbled hopefully into the table.
“Well boys? Are we going to attend this party?” Mana asked, his eyes of death blurring back into their normal glassy appearance.
A grunt and a groan served as an answer.
Klaha inspected his thumb nail with great interest.
“All right then. It’ll be good for publicity.”
His head turned slightly to look at the vocalist.
“And you can come too Klaha, I need an escort.”
Klaha kept his head down.
“What was that Klaha? I don’t believe I heard you,” Mana said in his usually even voice.
Kozi snickered.
“Thank you for giving me the honor of being your escort Mana-sama,” he murmured like a kicked puppy.
The cross-dresser nodded ever so slightly in approval.
“I’ve got it!”
Yu~ki’s head snapped back up as he slammed a fist into the table for emphasis.
“We put him in patent leather!!!”
The guitarist closest to him rolled his face to one side so he could look at the euphoric bassist.
“We already did that dammit and it still didn’t work….The only thing that got applause was the height of Mana’s skirt,” he groaned dejectedly.
But Yu~ki was not to be deterred. He was on to something in his muddled, liquor drenched mind, he was sure of it.
“Shorts! We put him in patent leather shorts! And fishnets!!!”
He leaned back into his seat heavily and tried to look smug. Kozi couldn’t counter that one, he thought. And indeed he couldn’t, for he had passed out again, a small puddle of drool forming underneath the cheek mashed into the table.
“Damn I’m a genius.”
Mana placed a slender finger against his powdered chin in contemplation.
“You know we haven’t tried that yet, you’re right. Klaha write that down, next concert you wear shorts and fishnets.”
“And padding,” Yu~ki added. “Lots of it.”
Mana nodded in approval.
“It worked for Gackt….”
The polished man tried to ignore the insinuation and focused on their leader instead.
“But Mana-sama, I don’t have a pen or paper……”
He hesitated.
“…….and I don’t like shorts,” he finished in a diminutive voice, eyes concentrating on the thumbs he was twiddling under the table.
The sound of soft snoring reached his ears again and he thought that maybe Mana had finally fallen asleep as well. He glanced up, only to find that he was wrong. Very, very wrong.
A gaze seemingly capable of inducing simultaneous combustion was aimed right at his eyes.
Klaha stifled a whimper.
“Then you carve it into your arm with your fingernail. You will like bathing naked in a vat of starving piranha if we say you like bathing naked in a vat of starving piranha. You will like dressing up in pink elephant costumes if we say you like dressing up in pink elephant costumes. And you will like shorts if we say you like shorts.”
Mana stared him down until he wanted to crawl under the table and quite possibly die.
“RIGHT ON! Mana’s talkin’ smack!” Yu~ki cheered, whooping his arm around in the air before his chair finally tipped backwards and laid him to rest on the floor rather ungraciously.
He was out for good.
Mana sighed, which was no more than a parting of his lips.
“This meeting is adjourned. Practice is cancelled for today. Klaha, make sure Yu~ki and Kozi get home alright. I need my beauty rest.”
And on that note the lovely lady stood up and left.
Klaha eyed the two snoring, salivating carcasses - the epitome of aristocratic elegance he was instructed to keep up at all times. He wondered how exactly he was going to get them home. He wondered if all lead singers were treated the way he was.
And he wondered why he hadn’t become a thespian like his mother always wanted him to be.
~*~
“Dakara semete anata dake ni wa nokoshitai…..”
Aiji softly nestled his face against the smooth skin, drinking in the lovely melody and savoring everything about it.
“Hi ni yakitsukusarete kieteshimau mae ni….”
One beautiful hand stroked his cheek exposed to the cold air, the caress like that of a child touching velvet for the first time.
“Dakara semete anata dake ni wa hanashitai…..Ki ga fureta to sareru boku no mune uchi o dou ka…”
He kissed the taut skin tenderly, the hand that had been resting against his chest as well curling into a ball in unspoken pleasure.
Kirito was like this in the mornings after they’d been together. He sang to Aiji; he sang love songs, he sang songs of sorrow, of hate, of joy and pleasure -- everything he had written and things he had yet to place on paper. But he sang them to Aiji, as if he had written them for him alone and the brunette couldn’t ask for more. To have the two of them lying together in the darkness of his room, the curtains drawn tight to keep light from ruining the moment, the distinct voice of his lover snaking about in the air, coiling around them both while the only other sound was that of their hearts beating….It was so perfect it was surreal -- like many other things concerning Kirito that he didn’t question. Life was wonderful now. His days were filled with silently watching the man he loved and his nights were filled with having his love returned. Practice was as it had always been, save for the fact when Kirito got angry and took Aiji aside to work his frustrations out on him nowadays he rarely used his voice. Nor did Aiji follow him home anymore, for the silent command had changed into accompanying him in the same car. And Kohta knew about them, he was sure of it. The others didn’t, but since that phone call Kohta seemed to smile more at practice, seemed less sullen when Kirito called him a moron. He hadn’t said anything specific about it to Aiji, they just talked like they usually did, but when he invited him to go out he usually tagged on something about inviting Kirito as well. But nothing ever came of it, seeing as Kirito avoided being together with both Aiji and his brother at the same time like it was the plague, and if he knew Aiji was going out with the bassist he requested his presence whether he had a reason to or not. It wasn’t something he gave much thought to though -- whatever was going on in his lover’s head he wouldn’t hesitate to disprove in a heartbeat in any way the other demanded. Such was his love, his concern, his ---
Kirito’s hand cupped his chin and tilted his head back, drawing him closer in the process and into a deep kiss.
---loyalty.
He felt himself sinking familiarly below the other man, the kiss forcing him into the position that made him tremble instinctively whenever he thought about it. Kirito moaned softly as he pushed his lover’s body beneath his and moved to cover him, a hand reaching for the covers slowly sliding off of the both of them to pull them back up. The guitarist didn’t resist, for he never resisted, moaning back into the kiss, his hands sliding up the redhead’s chest in anticipation of what the other wanted. Therefore when he flinched suddenly and pulled away from the other’s lips Kirito looked less than pleased.
“I…”
Aiji looked at the door and then back to Kirito, slightly intimidated by the look of displeasure in the near-black eyes. He was still afraid of his lover’s wrath.
“..I heard something…,” he managed to whisper.
Kirito’s eyes narrowed.
“I didn’t.”
Their eyes were locked and the guitarist swallowed a bit in discomfort. Aiji wanted to melt back into the embrace but he didn’t want the other man to think he was playing games either. Games and Kirito mixed as well as oil and water, but the oil had a tendency to catch fire with him and pitied were those who had to put it out.
“The…the front door…”
Kirito gave him another hard look.
“I’ll go check.”
He gave Aiji’s neck a swift, painful nip and pushed the blankets away so he could get out of bed. The brunette watched as he left and hoped to god that his mind hadn’t been playing tricks on him. Kirito loved him, he knew that, but the way he loved him was better left unanalyzed….
He sat up a bit in bed and hugged himself a little, ignoring the sting in his neck and watched the door.
Kirito returned.
“The mail came.”
He held up a few envelopes as proof while he shut the door, his demeanor back to it’s usual monotony. Aiji’s body relaxed.
“….What’s that black envelope?” he asked quietly, thinking it may have to do with the band and be questionable.
The redhead pulled it from among the rest and set the other mail down on the bedside table, holding onto it as he got back into bed.
“I was wondering that as well.”
Kirito extended an arm and Aiji moved closer to him again, pressing himself against the pale form and into the one-armed embrace, grateful for the lack of confrontation. The vocalist held the invitation in front of the both of them and scrutinized the script on the front.
“I don’t know the handwriting.”
He turned his head and murmured into Aiji’s soft hair,
“Open it.”
The guitarist reached out for the thick paper and Kirito placed it in his hands, his own hand massaging the slender fingers once Aiji had taken a hold of the card. A blush crept up Aiji’s neck as he realized his lover still had plans for him, making it harder for him to concentrate on breaking the seal, especially since that same hand was now sliding down his stomach and didn’t seem intent on stopping.
He pulled the card out and held it closer to Kirito for inspection, opening it as the vocalist made a slight noise of approval. Neither of them had much use for drawn art -- music was the form they both breathed on a daily basis and that alone caught their attention.
Aiji’s breath caught as he began reading the script inside, and Kirito’s hand froze as well.
“Why on earth would they invite us to a party for Kyo?” Aiji nearly spat, the attitude he presented to most everyone save for his lover pressing forward in his anger. His mind had gracefully saved him from adding several expletives but that in no way meant he wasn’t thinking them. Kyo had hurt Kirito and that was all he needed to remember about the blonde.
He looked up at the vocalist.
“We’re not going, are we Kirito?”
But the redhead remained silent, eyeing the signature at the bottom.
Signed,
Kaoru
His lips curled into a smirk.
So Kyo had stepped over a boundary somewhere had he, and the violet-haired man was out for revenge….
How….enticing.
“We’re not, are we Kirito?” Aiji’s voice inquired quietly yet persistently.
But no one got what they wanted out of him -- they only got what he was willing to give.
And whatever Kaoru wanted, he was in for a surprise.
“…Kirito?”
The small, tense voice brought his attention back to interacting with another human being.
He looked down at the gorgeous, anxious eyes…pools of rippling obsidian….
“You’ll be my date, won’t you Aiji.”
His gaze didn’t waver and the other’s lips parted in disbelief.
“……..Dem….”
The ‘o’ never left his lips as he realized his lover was serious.
Why would Kirito want to go to Kyo’s party??? his mind screamed, at once uneasy and angered by his lack of comprehension. You hate Kyo, don’t you? We both hate Kyo, don’t we? It would be degrading for you to show up at an event for such a pathetic man. You needn’t be in the same room as such insolence and vulgarity…Right Kirito? Why are you looking at me like that? Why?! Why would you want to see him…
He remembered the scars on Kirito’s arm he had detested so much.
“You have to bait your prey” you said…That alone was giving him too much…
And suddenly he was upset, very upset that Kirito had bothered to shed his blood for such filth even if he didn’t know the circumstances. People like Kyo didn’t deserve a second glance from the man he loved.
Kirito shouldn’t be talking like this…He can’t mean it. I don’t believe it. There’s no reason for him to want to go.
And if there was a reason he was afraid of knowing it.
“I don’t want to go,” he said quickly, his voice shaking with anger and fear, eyes shutting tight as he turned away from Kirito in a rare display of defiance.
“What?”
The warning was not lost on him but he stayed with his back turned.
“….I said I don’t want to go,” he repeated again, having a hard time forcing the words out.
The sheets bunched slightly as Kirito moved closer to him. He shivered due to the lack of warmth surrounding his naked torso and in anxiety, unsure of what punishment he was going to receive. A hand was placed on his shoulder, fingers testing the malleability of the flesh beneath them in interest. Short nails dug into the round knob of muscle and bone and his body tensed, anticipating further pain. He felt another hand brushing against the back of his neck, moving the short strands of hair residing there out of the way.
And then he felt a tongue sliding against the sensitive skin, gentle licking and small kisses following in its wake.
Kirito’s chest was pressing against his back as he pulled his body to him, forcing the touching of more flesh to follow soon after.
“But Aiji, I want them to see how beautiful you are…”
The warm tongue licked sensually, slowly.
“….I want them to see that you’re mine,” he whispered into his ear.
Aiji trembled a bit in response.
“I know you’ll come…I know you’ll make me happy.”
He sucked at the nape of his neck hard and his lover nodded weakly.
“There you go….my precious Aijin.”
The brunette couldn’t tell if Kirito had meant to say his name like that or not but it was swelling again, the emotion he used to have tamed so well, rearing up violently and controlling his body like a well greased marionette. He was rolling over to face Kirito obediently without a second thought, body twisting to mold against his and let Kirito’s arms wrap around him. There was an ugly stain of guilt marring his insides as if the two of them had fought -- all he wanted to do was beg forgiveness and be comforted. His body ached to be embraced the way Kirito would do when particularly pleased, how he held him against his body as if he could push him inside and keep him forever. To think he had behaved in such a manner….
“Kirito,” he moaned coarsely into the crook of his neck, blood itching with the want to be docile again.
“I know,” the redhead murmured in response as he cradled Aiji’s head tenderly.
And soon enough Kirito’s lips were covering his own to end all further conversation -- breakfast, practice, and the rest of the world forgotten about as one sweet kiss washed away any unpleasantness within him. He was forgiven and all felt safe again, warm and indistinct in the haze of his lover’s scent and caress. And when the caress became more urgent, he welcomed it, his body arching into the touch with delight and eagerness…
…for Kirito found him beautiful.
~~~Phone Calls Must Be Made~~~
“Please.”
“Kaoru…”
“Please, do it for me at least…”
“……….”
“I thought we were…you know, friends.”
“Kaoru don’t talk like that. We are friends, but this doesn’t involve just me. And it’s supposed to be vacation for us now. The tour’s done with and I think the last thing any of the guys want is to play another gig, no matter how small…”
“I know but it would mean so much me….Me and everyone else. Especially Kyo.”
“……I’ve never heard that Kyo likes my band.”
“He….does…he’s just shy about it. You know. He’s Kyo.”
“…….Really…..”
“Please it would be such an honor to have you play and it’s not like I could find a better band for the party….You alone have more talent than 90% of the people who’ll be there.”
“Do you kiss up to every older man like this Kaoru?”
“No, just you. Because you are who you are.”
“You sound serious.”
“I am.”
“…..Life’s going wrong again, isn’t it?”
“…….”
“Kaoru……”
“Please come. It’d be nice to see you again.”
“……..Alright. But if four angry band mates come hunting for your blood you’re on your own. I can only keep them under control for so long…..Yet chances are they’ll just do what they’re told to if you offer them liquor and a nice place to sit down after we’re done. No one’s much of a threat anymore.”
“You shouldn’t talk like that….”
“Just telling it like it is. Soon enough you’ll start doing the same.”
“……What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing love, nothing….”
“………..Will you wear what I asked you to?”
“…..No skirt. I’ll wear pants that look the same. Those tights….damn I can’t put up with that kind of crap anymore.”
“…….You’ll look good no matter what. You always do…..”
“You do need to see me, don’t you……”
“………….”
“It’s okay. We’ll talk.”
“………….Thank you for agreeing to this……Kyo will be happy.”
“….I’m sure Kyo will Kaoru, I’m sure Kyo will……”
~*~
“Hello?”
“Katayose-san?”
“Yes?”
“It’s me--”
“Oh my god! Aiji-kun!!!”
“Glad to know I’m not forgotten….”
“Baka what the hell are you doing calling me Katayose-san for? I thought you were another guy trying to sell me a vacuum cleaner….”
“Gomen ne.”
“Don’t worry about it it’s just wow, we haven’t talked in so long….I kept reading that you guys were on tour and stuff still so I thought it’d be another month or so…”
“No we’re done…You know the magazines they’re always covering concerts from two months back and the likes…Genki?”
“Yeah, life’s great. My boss got fired so he’s not treating me like shit anymore, Fafa had kittens, and I think Kunihiko may be popping the big question some time soon!!!”
“That is something ne, you sound really happy….”
“Mmm so do you…..uh oh….does that mean what I think it means?”
“What?”
“Did Oniichan finally hook it up with that special someone?”
“………”
“AHHHHH!!!! YOU DID DIDN’T YOU!!!”
“Maybe….”
“Oh my god! Aiji you little devil you! It’s that guy isn’t it? The one who’s name you won’t tell me?”
“….Yeah…”
“I knew it!!! When can I see pictures???”
“…Well that kind of has to do with why I called.”
“Hmm?”
“I need your help.”
“Eh? Little old Yumi-chan? What can I do for my Oniichan?”
“You see, there’s this event coming up we have to attend and…..”
“….and?”
“Well, the people that’ll be there….they’re all..all…well….”
“Well what Oniichan?”
“……...I need you to make me beautiful.”
~*~
“Hello?”
“Is this…Yuu-ya? I mean You-ya?”
“Yes, who is this?”
“Kamijo.”
“Kamijo who?”
“The one and only Kamijo.”
“Who?”
“I said--”
“Listen I’m really sorry but I’m in the middle of splattering paint on cloth and if I don’t hang this up to dry right now it’ll stain my---”
“LAREINE? LARIENE’S Kamijo??? You know, my asshole band mates left me because they wanted to ruin my life Kamijo??? Wore the big ridiculous hats Kamijo?? Has an ego to match Gackt’s Kamijo??? Has a solo career that’s not going anywhere Kamijo??? What more do you people want from me dammit??!!”
“…Can you hold on? I really need to hang this outside to dry.”
“…….Fine.”
“………..Okay so who are you?”
“LAREINE’S vocalist, Kamijo.”
“……….”
“………….I was in a band with Emiru.”
“Oh!!! Yeah…I think I know you. So why are you calling me?”
“Listen did you get an invitation to Kyo’s birthday party?”
“Which Kyo?”
“Dir en grey’s.”
“Oh….no. He hates our band. But I never did anything to him, I swear! I’m just a drummer, I don’t want to cause trouble….”
“Okay well I didn’t get one either. Well, I sort of did, and that’s where you come in.”
“…Me?”
“Yes, you….Yuu-yo or whatever the hell your name is.”
“You-ya…………You’re an asshole, you know that?”
“Yes I am well aware of that fact. But I’m an asshole who’s about to offer you a lot of money for you to do something simple provided your teenage mind won’t fuck it up.”
“……I’m not that young…….asshole.”
“Okay well shut the hell up and listen to me, I’ve got big plans for the both of us……”
~*~
“And I’m telling you, I’ve got big plans for the both of us.”
“Shuse are you sure your love isn’t blind sighting you as to how absolutely retarded your plan is??!
“Chill brother Koji, it’s all good….”
“Shuse have you been watching Good Times again?”
“……..Maybe.”
“I swear to every god in heaven if I ever find whoever sold you those tapes I will force feed them back down their throats…..Anyways how can you be sure we’re invited? I didn’t get an invitation….”
“I didn’t either but apparently Jun is Toshiya’s friend and he got one and since Hiro is his boyfriend he invited Hiro and since we’re Hiro’s family he invited us. Jun said the invitation said they could do that and stuff. I’m not complaining….Call Hiro if you don’t believe me.”
“…….That sounds…somewhat plausible.”
“And since Toshiya invited Jun you know Jun’s going to invite Takeo which means you have to help chip in money for my plan or else I’ll never make him see how much he loves me and then I’ll be miserable forever and if I’m miserable forever that means I’ll be coming over to your apartment all the time to hang out and have you make me happy which means I’ll be drinking all your beer and your cat’ll be rubbing against my silver platforms all the time and coughing up sparkly silver-coated furballs all the time which means----”
.
“OKAY OKAY alright enough already I’ll give you the 10,000yen….Are you sure Levin and Taka already gave you their money?”
“……..Yeah.”
“You’re shitting me aren’t you?”
“No, but I told Levin it was for a Save the Whales foundation and I told Taka I’d beat up Jun when Hiro wasn’t looking.”
“Shuse that’s horrible!”
“Well I won’t really beat up Jun…..maybe put him in a headlock or something….”
“Shuse!”
“Okay okay I won’t touch Jun. But you get to explain to Taka that Jun is internally bleeding or something when he demands an explanation….”
“You know if I wasn’t in the same band as you…..”
“So you’ll give me the money? For sure?”
“…..Yeah yeah.”
“DYNO-MIIIIIITE!!!”
“…..oh…..god……”
~*~
“Iiiiiiii-chan!!!!”
“Yuuuuu-chan!!! What’s up?”
“You got one didn’t you???”
“One what?”
“You know, that invitation thingy.”
“Oh yeah, I was just looking at it.”
“Well???”
“Well????”
“We’re gonna do it aren’t we?”
“Ehhhh Yuna I don’t think Dai’d approve….”
“Dai’s too old to do anything -- it doesn’t matter if he approves or not!!”
“Oh man he’d kill you if he heard you say that…”
“He’s here-ite ite ite itteeeeee!!! Stop it Dai or I’ll pop your other tooth out!!!”
“You okay?”
“Noooo AHHHH DAI YOU JERK GIVE ME TH----Itsuki?”
“Dai?”
“Yuna behave or I’ll pull your hair….Yeah it’s me. I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“I knew you’d say that.”
“Well you were right….It’s not the image we were going for when we started the band na.”
“Yeah but Yuna does have a point…It would still gain us some publicity.”
“It’ll gain you a room full of nanpa and having to protect your ass if you ask me. And--Yuna dammit stop it!!! This is my ow you little------Ii-chan?”
“Yuna?”
“Don’t listen to Mr. I’m So Straight You Could Fly a Flag From Me here, think about the money they’re offering! And the fame! And how many fans would die if they took pictures! Yeah, think about the fans! They’d want us to do it, you know they would…Dai’s just jealous cuz they didn’t offer the same thing to him and no one wants to see h---DAI YOU’RE FUCKING UP MY HAIR!!! BAKAYA----Okay Yuna basically just wants to flaunt himself and we all know it but you know Reina and Zekki are gonna be pissed. Especially Zekki. He’s weird about that kind of stuff. And these kind of things are a band decision….”
“Hmmm….Maybe you’re right….but it is about the fans too ne…”
“Ii-chan it’s all about the fans and Reina and Zekki would agree and you know it! So say yes! It’ll be fun and you’re a handsome devil and everyo----Quit trying to make Itsuki gay dammit!!! We already have enough problems because you flirt with every band we tour with---Shut up I just assert my masculinity in ways different than you!! Quit being narrow-minded Dai!!!----Quit trying to turn Itsuki into a fairy!!!---A FAIRY???? I’ll show you fairy motherfu----ARRGHH!!!”
“Guys? Guys? Quit fighting!! C’mon you’ll hurt each other…Guys…GUYS!!!”
“Okay this is Dai. Yuna bruised me hard enough to make me promise I’d talk to Zekki and Reina about it and see how they feel. Okay okay!!! That we’d both talk to Zekki and Reina about it….Okay he’s happy now. The little bastard…”
“Well tell me what they say and then I’ll make my decision I guess.”
“Yuna….hey Yuna stop it….No I don’t need you to kiss it better…..Yuna YUNA GET OFF ME!!! DOWN!! DOWN BOY YOU HORNY SONOF-----Hey Ii-chan I’ll make sure they say yes, don’t worry! I know you wanna do this as much as I do, ne? It’ll be good for us to bond…..You know, really bond~~~! Ow Dai no teeth!!! You only have two left, you should be careful ITAI I was only playin--OWWW!!”
“Well whoever has the phone now, call me tonight and we’ll sort this out. And don’t hurt each other too badly okay? I know how much you love each other but--”
“I don’t love Yuna okay??! He’s just---Yes you do yes you do yes you do~~!!! You love me you love me smoochy smoochy kiss kiss wuv wuv wuv my little Dai-dai---STOP IT!!!---That’s why you always want me to do your hair because you wuuuuuuuuv wittle Yuna here oh yes you do oh yeeaaaAHHHHHH!!!”
“Guys? Yuna?”
“……….”
“…Guys?”
“……………”
“Heh. If this is how you behave normally I’d hate to see what’s gonna happen at this party….”
~~~And Then There Was The Matter Of The Birthday Boy~~~
Kyo stared at the ceiling of his living room.
It was the same.
It hadn’t changed despite his staring at it day after day.
He didn’t think it would change -- he didn’t expect miracles or the occult. He just hoped maybe he would find something different in it today. Like an answer.
He hadn’t gone to practice since that day. No one called telling him to either. Maybe they’d forgotten about him. He didn’t care.
Kyo sighed.
He was losing weight. Spending his days staring at the chipping paint on his ceiling with his body sunken into his couch, only moving when needs were going to make him sick lest they weren’t satisfied. Smoking occupied a lot of his time. He ate little but he drank a lot, and when he’d run out of liquor tap water sufficed. He didn’t want to go back out in the world again, not even for necessities. Life was better on the couch -- calm and simple. The only problem was that he thought. He thought a lot, and he couldn’t stop thinking no matter how much he tried. Sleeping had helped for a while, but even then thoughts had started to creep into his dreams and pervade them. He found he couldn’t win so he let them be. But what he thought about unsettled him. Sure it was his problems at first, and then the world’s, and then Death, but when those trains of thought had derailed things had turned to men.
Two in particular.
Kirito and Toshiya were always on his mind. So much so that he was having a hard time remembering physical aspects about them, for they had become abstract ideas after countless kneading and pondering. The only real things that lingered were Kirito’s scent and Toshiya’s tears. No matter how many times he had bathed himself the scent wouldn’t come off. It was imbued in his skin. Even after he’d scratched and clawed, he could still smell it. And the bassist’s tears covered his face every morning. He kept making Toshiya cry over and over again, and the boy stood by his couch at night, weeping over him as if to remind him of that fact. But he was gone when the sun rose and all that was left were tears streaming down Kyo’s cheeks. He thought about how he was owned by one and wanted to own the other. He thought about revenge and violence, sex and passion. He thought about their blood.
Sometimes he thought about Kaoru.
He thought about the guitarist and why they hated each other when they used to be friends. But then he always ended up thinking about Toshiya, because it was when the dreams had started that things had deteriorated. He thought about how Kaoru took Toshiya for granted, or so it seemed to him. When he removed himself from the picture, Kaoru was the only one who dated women seriously, or had in the past at least. And the thing he had noticed about bisexuals was despite when they played, for the most part they ended up pairing with the opposite sex when it came to Eternity. He didn’t think Kaoru was any different. And he didn’t like it. Toshiya was weak when it came to love. He was weak when it came to many things in Kyo’s eye. But it was a beautiful weakness that he covered with layers of brashness and wit, something to be controlled and manipulated into perfection. Kaoru was too stupid to do such things. He was an asshole and a control freak when it came to his role as leader, but when it came to his own life he was at a loss. He was weak.
Kyo wasn’t.
Whatever he’d felt about relationships in the past was gone. He understood things clearly now, that two rules reigned above anything else, making it all definite. You loved a person or you didn’t love a person, and you dominated or you were dominated. Such was nature. Society and humans and their unnatural ways of coddling things up into farcified rules and policy was now bullshit to him. People like Kaoru, they couldn’t assert themselves in either realm. He watched all the time as he tried to keep a hold on Toshiya but when it came down to it wouldn’t put his foot down about anything. Indecisive. He could see it so clearly the sharpness hurt his eyes; how the younger man was in love and begging to be controlled but nothing ever came of it because the man he loved was incapable of such responsibility.
Kyo sneered.
He was capable. He was dominant. He knew what it took. Like Ki----
The sneer slid from his face.
The cycle always came back to him.
And Kyo’s humiliation.
He wanted to roll over and bury his face in the pillow he was laying on -- burying his face in it until he could no longer breath and the darkness of the fabric became the darkness of eternity.
But he didn’t. He kept staring, as if it were to signal his lack of defeat.
The cuts, they wouldn’t heal. They were as gruesome as when he had first laid eyes on them. He didn’t know if they would heal properly without him going to a hospital either. He was going to find out though. His chest was now ivory, a pure white that his real skin could never achieve without the aid of powder. Sometimes when he looked things seemed reversed -- his real skin was the color of snow and the scars the color of newborn sakura and plum blossoms. But he didn’t look anymore. He’d stopped looking in the mirror a few days after it had happened. He couldn’t sleep in his bedroom anymore either. It was a sick feeling, to know no fear, to know no superior, to know no boundaries and then be caged, hung up and dangled for the world to see you’re no better than a drowned rat. Every time he saw himself his stomach clenched as if to hurl and he had to look away, or smash whatever held his reflection. A lot of glass had been thrown away. He shaved in the kitchen now, over the sink where there was no mirror, doing things by touch. It didn’t matter what he looked like anyways. The wounds would still be there no matter what.
Kirito….
What he felt about him he couldn’t define. It was something intangible and raw, primitive and strong enough to rip away from him and become it’s own entity. Then it was nothing and his mind went dead. Yet the quivering remained. Always. The quivering and the scars. What he had made him feel was in a word, powerful. He tried to dissect it but then things became sloppy and blurred, blood running into the organs and the organs turning to monochrome mush. So he’d stopped doing that as well. But he knew the sensation -- he could almost conjure it again as if it was some new emotion within him, and not an experience. He was torn between wanting more of it and tearing out his brain so it didn’t exist. He knew he couldn’t leave things how they were though. If he were to do so, he would go insane. He’d given that a lot of thought. How to react to what had been thrown in his face. That he had begged.
He had begged.
He had begged, no other. To live with such knowledge….that someone he hated so much had pleasured him so….It was degrading. Beyond it, for him. It was in essence, a show that he had no control for once. And if he had no control, he was better off insane. Or dead. If he had no control, the foundation for everything collapsed and even his fame became worthless. He became worthless. The room felt too hot and too cold again and he shivered uncontrollably, wanting to vomit. Something had to be done, and he would do it. The answer, it lay above him. Only a little more time and it would come. Then the wounds would heal. The shivering would stop. Life would resume.
As if to reinforce that statement, Life rang the doorbell.
He debated getting up. Whoever it was, they weren’t worth disrupting his thinking for. Not while he was still waiting for an answer.
The doorbell rang again.
He scratched at his chest idly; the itching had gone away and so had the scabs but it had become a habit.
Then a fist pounded on the door.
Once.
Twice.
The third time faded into nothingness.
Good, they were gone.
Then a voice.
“Kyo? Kyo please, if you’re there let me in.”
……Toshiya?
He pounded again, although this time it was much weaker.
“Kyo….please Kyo….I’m worried…..”
Kyo stayed still.
“Kyo…..”
He heard the door being kicked as Toshiya swore, but his voice had changed from his previous tone, laden with emotion.
And hard for him to resist.
When he made it to the door and opened it, he found Toshiya huddled in a childlike mass, knees drawn up to his chin and his face buried between them on his doorstep. He hadn’t heard the soft click of the door unlocking or it swinging open.
“Toshiya?”
He saw the boy’s back stiffen in surprise, and Toshiya immediately unfolded his body and sprang to his feet in a feline manner.
“Kyo?” he said softly, the question unnecessary but the first thing that sprang to his lips.
The blonde gazed at him, his face expressionless. Toshiya looked at him over his lightly shaded glasses, eyes small and slightly bloodshot. A nervous smile played on his lips, a simple white canine exposed, while the majority of his black hair was falling in and around his face in an unruly manner. He was dressed in a tight t-shirt and jeans, a thin coat hanging from his shoulders. He looked cold. And stressed.
“You wanna come in?” Kyo found himself mumbling.
“Is it okay?”
The vocalist couldn’t help but stare at him. The Toshiya he knew never spoke softly. The Toshiya he knew never came to his house.
He moved away from the door to let the bassist enter.
The thin figure hesitated before gliding inside, bowing in thanks as he shut the door behind him.
The Toshiya he knew never bowed like that.
His apartment was in shambles because he hadn’t bothered cleaning it for some time. Not dirty exactly, just messy rather with empty bottles and cigarette packs strewn about like he was waiting for them to take root and reproduce. Clothing was heaped in a couple of places as well because he hadn’t bothered sorting his laundry like he had planned to so long ago. The few dishes he had used were stacked in the sink, soaked to the point where they might as well be clean. And his couch was covered in blankets and sheets, a pillow mashed against an arm with the imprint of the back of his head visible. But he could care less and Toshiya sensed that, trying not to feel uncomfortable amongst the neglect and darkness.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve come over, hasn’t it?” he started amiably, not sure about anything having to do with his vocalist or how volatile the other may be.
Kyo went straight to the couch, shoving some things off the table in front of it as he searched for something to smoke.
“Yeah, only two years or so…,” he said sharply, and Toshiya flinched at the tone. Kyo was bitter, but he had a right to be and they both knew it.
He found a half empty pack and lit up, leaning back into the couch and staring off into space. Toshiya realized he wasn’t going to move anytime soon and sat down gingerly beside him, afraid to sit too close. He removed his glasses and let his eyes skim over Kyo’s body -- small and compact with his torso seemingly naked, a light sheen of sweat visible on the skin touched by scarce window light. All he was wearing were loose Adidas pants and a wife beater that clung to his chest like a second skin. His piercings were all small studs, his blonde hair sticking out at all angles and obviously left uncombed. He watched as smoke slipped from between his lips and a strong wave of guilt battered against his body.
“Kyo listen…..Recently….”
He didn’t know where to start. Kyo might as well be ignoring him with his attitude, and he hated the fact that he didn’t deserve any better.
“Recently…things haven’t been all that great, for any of us….and I know, I know because you like your space we tend to take it out on you….And I know you have every right to hate all of us, to hate me, to never come back to a band that treats you like shit…..But the truth is, we do care, despite how childish we are, despite what we say out of anger and stress……You know, I didn’t mean what I said…then…...You..that was really disgusting on my part….low…I….It’s just, you know, things…they aren’t what they used to be..…Life…everything…changes and…A lot of the times I don’t understand it, or what’s going on, or how to deal with it….and I worry, I get upset…I get angry…like I’m lost…..and things hurt…and I want other people to hurt…But you don’t deserve it from me or anyone else…you never did anything wrong……to any of us….to me….I guess really I’m scared that we took things too far….you….Kyo….Kyo are you listening to me? Please listen…please…I mean it, I’m sorry…”
Kyo felt a hand cover his own.
“….Right now I don’t want anything else wrong….I want something right…Your birthday it came but…we have a party planned…please come…It’s for you, I, we did it for you….I know because….when things come crashing down you need….I…when you’re scared…when it hurts….Kyo…Kyo I…..”
He put a hand over his mouth and tried to blink away the tears already falling as Kyo’s dark eyes turned to him.
“….it hurts….”
Toshiya shut his eyes tight as more tears poured out.
“…it hurts….,” he choked out again.
Kyo watched. He didn’t understand. No one was there, and then Toshiya was. He had said nothing, and yet Toshiya was crying. No one cared, and then….The pretty boy was trying desperately to quell his sobbing, his shoulders shaking slightly with the effort.
Toshiya…..why do you hurt?
He was an adult, he was a man, yet those shining drops always fell, always coated his face whenever Kyo looked to him.
Why do you always cry….when you’re so beautiful?
Toshiya felt a soft hand stroke his cheek and his eyes flew open.
Who makes you hurt? Is it me?
“Kyo….,” he whispered so softly he had basically mouthed the word.
His sobbing died down.
Who? Who does this to you?
Yet Kyo didn’t respond, just kept stroking his cheek, his gaze unwavering.
And something changed.
Toshiya’s breath caught at the sight of those bottomless irises and his hand slowly slid from his mouth. He swallowed hard. He realized that he had said what he had, what it meant, what he was looking for.
He needed someone. Now.
Someone who was innocent to him and all that he entailed. Someone he could trust. He wanted help, without strings attached. Someone outside of his world to help him find out what was wrong with it. Kyo, in all his turmoil and antisocial ways, was honest in Toshiya’s eyes. He didn’t lie. He didn’t trick. He had never hurt Toshiya, that was true, even though the bassist had tormented him since the beginning…..
His hand reached up to touch the one gently caressing his wet cheek. He saw Kyo’s eyes follow the movement silently, but the other made no protest at the touch. Kyo’s skin felt unbelievably warm beneath his as he covered the hand with his own, his fingers trembling ever so slightly. Soon he was sliding both of their hands down the side of his face, to his neck, tilting his head back a little and splaying Kyo’s fingers in encouragement to touch. He watched Kyo’s face intently as it remained blank, the other’s eyes fixed on the hand covering his own. Toshiya pushed the fingers beneath his harder, forcing them lightly against his skin, dragging them down his neck and past his collarbone. They caught slightly on his t-shirt, but he ignored it and led the hand to his chest, covering one flat breast and spreading warmth within it. A small gasp escaped his lips and Kyo looked up at him, his palm kneading the flesh with constricted movement, as if more flesh was trapped beneath his hand than there really was.
“Kyo,” he said in a hushed voice, his throat dry, “you’ll come to the party, won’t you? I…I have this gift for you and…,” his eyelids lowered as he leaned closer to the other man, “I want you to have it….”
He saw that Kyo’s lips had parted.
“You’ll come, won’t you? Please come Kyo….”
His head tilted as he pushed the hand further into his chest.
“Please come….”
Kyo nodded vaguely as his own eyes shut and his whole being became a simple kiss. Toshiya’s other hand squeezed his as he pushed his tongue into his mouth, moaning quietly as Kyo accepted it. The bassist was surprised at how well their lips fit against one another’s, at how skilled Kyo was proving himself to be in such an intimate region, the kiss dragging out into something wet and passionate. He felt like it could go on forever, but suddenly the hand still covering his chest grabbed the thin fabric and pulled hard, jerking his body closer to the vocalist’s.
Kyo broke away from the kiss and growled,
“You have something for me, do you?”
Now it was Toshiya’s turn to nod vaguely, his eyes still fixed on the swollen pink lips so near his own.
“Are you sure? Sure it won’t be more teasing?”
His eyes drifted upwards to meet the other’s, intimidated by the strength behind Kyo’s grip and voice.
“More teasing like what you’re doing now?” he spat angrily.
Toshiya shivered a little under his fiery eyes.
“No, I won’t tease you…won’t tease you anymore…”
Kyo’s eyes narrowed and Toshiya tried to make their lips touch again.
“You’d better mean what you say Toshiya….I don’t like liars…..”
“I mean it….,” he murmured into his lips, “I swear…”
He could hear his own shaky breathing as he tried to read Kyo’s eyes, not able to tell if the other believed him or not. The blonde seemed as if he had more to say, but then thought better of it, his hold on the other’s shirt tightening further. Toshiya didn’t struggle, despite the discomfort, body going limp in submission as the hand still covering the vocalist’s slid a little further along his skin and up his forearm. His eyes darted back to the lips poised mere centimeters from his own and he felt heat drift over every inch of his skin.
“…Kiss…,” he looked back into the hypnotizing gaze, “..kiss me one more time Kyo….”
His voice was low and pleading.
The dark eyes seemed to pierce him even further and Toshiya shut his own eyes in response, lids falling into perfect crescents of black. A soft noise escaped his lips as a kiss was placed high on his cheekbone, but the noise blurred into a moan as he felt Kyo’s tongue run from his collarbone to his jaw line. He waited quietly for more, controlling his breathing despite the anticipation.
“You should be going….”
He heard the lovely baritone but barely comprehended the words, eyes still shut as the saliva cooled against his skin.
“…..your lover wouldn’t be very happy to find you with the likes of me.”
And Toshiya opened his eyes at that, eyes still dazed and breath still heated but with a sudden chill burning in his stomach.
Kaoru….
Kyo watched the inner struggle the other man seemed to be going through with pleasure, his mouth hanging slightly open as he blinked in awakening. He let go of the shirt.
“I…..Kyo….”
Kyo stared back at him, eyes challenging.
Toshiya shoved a hand in his pocket hurriedly and brought out a small slip of paper.
“Here’s the information you need,” he said quietly, eyes averted while he thrust the note into Kyo’s hand, “all you need to do is show up.”
He kept his hand on Kyo’s as he hesitated.
“Please show up,” he murmured quietly and gave the other man a quick peck on the cheek, rising from the couch and walking towards the door briskly, his arms wrapped around his thin waist.
Kyo sat silently but kept his eyes on him, Toshiya pausing as he opened the door to put his glasses back on.
“Ja,” he said curtly but with a meek smile, bowing his head a little and letting his hair cover his face as he stepped out the front door.
The click seemed to echo throughout the small apartment.
Kyo looked at the door for awhile, wondering how reality could be stranger than any fiction. He kept the door in his sight for a few moments more in contemplation, then turned his attention back to the table before him and having another cigarette. He laid back down, his head fitting snug into the worn pillow as he threw his feet back up on the couch and flicked open his Zippo with a practiced ease. He took a long drag. The chip that had been dangling from his ceiling finally flaked off and fluttered downwards until it hit the table. Toshiya’s taste was still on his tongue, the image of his all too brief compliance lingering fondly within his mind.
He didn’t understand why. Nor did he understand how.
Yet he knew his answer was coming sooner than expected.
~~~Everyone’s Invited~~~
Die grinned evilly to himself as he held the small net in his hand and swung it around to the music rather inhumanely, making his way to the kitchen. So what if a part of him had never passed the age of 12. He didn’t care.
“She’s so shy-yai-yai She’s so shy-yai-yai…”
He sang along loudly, boldly, happily. Life was good and Shinya was sexy and a certain someone was gonna get their just desserts.
“Boku o~ matsu Dokoka no machi e”
Taka wasn’t that bad after all, he had to admit. Sure he would never admit it to another living soul, but he was kinda glad he’d swiped the CD out of Toshiya’s trashcan right before they left. If Toshiya no longer wanted it then it shouldn’t go to waste really, he had figured. So he had stolen it purely under the notion that he could amuse himself further with Taka’s horrid voice of course, and perhaps even his friends. But he’d found that despite even though he’d been dissing the same songs about a week ago, they stuck to the brain like taffy melting in the sun.
“She’s so shy-yai-yai She’s so shy-yai-yai…” he sang again, slapping the net in a bowl with a splash as he looked for a plastic bag.
Provided you were in a good enough mood, La’Cryma became slightly tolerable….almost likeable in a strange, sadistic manner….To the point where he had been compelled to go out and buy their latest single Life. Just because he wanted to see if Taka’s voice was still as stupid as ever. That was the only reason. Of course.
He kept singing as he reached for the apron his mother had insisted he take with him when he moved into his apartment. The guys didn’t know he had it, but then again the guys didn’t need to know he had it either. Die loved his mom and he didn’t mind doing little things like this to keep her happy provided she pretended Shinya was a girl in front of his dad. Because when Golden Week came around, he was expected to bring his new “girlfriend” home, and if dad found out his son was dating a man, things could get messy. Shinya wasn’t aware of this family tradition but Die figured it wouldn’t bother him too much. Wearing makeup and keeping quiet were two things the boy did well enough for concerts so he didn’t see why he couldn’t do it for his parents. And his dad had a sympathetic streak for flat-chested girls so it should be all good.
He smiled wider and rummaged around in a kitchen drawer for a carving knife. He’d done this once before in school, and he wasn’t exactly sure he could remember how to, but Toshiya had said they needed to do everything themselves for Kyo’s party. He believed that entailed present making as well.
He fished one out and then frowned at the size of the blade. It looked five times larger than necessary for the procedure once he thought about it. He set the knife aside and began looking for a smaller knife instead, still humming along to the tune blasting from his stereo system, everything else just about forgotten.
~*~
Kaoru rang the doorbell for the third time, but by the sound of it, Die wasn’t going to hear him anytime soon. He seemed too preoccupied with holding a Shazna convention within his apartment or something near that judging from the extremely sugary music beating against the door and windows.
Kaoru made a face, a little half-scrunched up face that indicated annoyance and worry. He didn’t need another band member wigging out on him right now, and Die and whatever was going on with his new interest in pop was about as wigged out as Die could get.
Plus he was here on time, at the appointed time, with the RSVP papers and everything just like he was supposed to be. He didn’t like plans being meddled with, or having to be late, or certain guitarists blowing him off like this when he’d called him 5 times this week to remind him today was the day. Ever since Die and Shinya had gotten together keeping Die’s attention focused on anything else was painstakingly difficult, to the point where it almost pissed Kaoru off.
But that’s probably just because of my own problems, he thought morosely.
Well if Die was in oblivious mode, maybe he left the door unlocked. Because if Kaoru had to fish out his cell phone just to call Die and tell him he was standing on his doorstep he was not going to be a happy camper.
A white hand reached out and turned the knob.
Thank god.
He pushed the door open and the volume of the music nearly pushed him back out of the apartment. God how deaf was Die anyways? Kyo was supposed to be the one with the hearing problem…
“Die? It’s Kaoru, I’m here,” he yelled.
No answer.
“Die I’m coming in okay?”
Damn it.
His eyes narrowed in irritation.
“Die it’s Shinya and I want to fuck!!!” he yelled convincingly enough since Shinya’s voice sounded nearly exactly like his own.
He waited for Die to come running around the corner in his boxers but that didn’t happen either.
Kaoru sighed and made his way into the apartment. He’d given it his best shot. They had to make the finalized guest list today or else the facility wouldn’t know how much liquor to order, snacks to set up, chairs to bring out, etc. etc. That and if they didn’t Toshiya would throw a fit, which was what he was more concerned with.
I’ll check the kitchen I guess, because he’s not here in the living room, and if he’s not there then…Wait what if Shinya’s here and they’re….No wait isn’t Shinya with Toshiya? Doing something for the party?
He put a hand to his head in frustration. He never knew where his boyfriend was nowadays. Even though he had him back, it still seemed like his nerves were screaming ‘vacation’ at him twenty four hours a day.
His ear caught a sound that resembled Die’s voice. Die’s voice singing in a very un-Die-like manner. It was coming from the kitchen.
Kaoru wasn’t trying to sneak or muffle the sounds of his movement in any way as he walked into the kitchen, but Die was still singing loudly, in English, with his back turned to the older man. His back turned and a black apron wrapped around his nice body, with a variety of knives set on the kitchen beside him as he did something in the kitchen sink.
Kaoru coughed politely to get his attention.
“She’s so shy-yai-yai She’s so shy-yai-yai….”
Why me? he wondered exasperatedly as Die continued singing. Apparently drastic measures were in order.
“She’s so shy-yai---”
“Die-kun I want you now, take off the apron and let’s go to your bedroom,” Kaoru whispered naughtily in his ear, trying his best not to laugh and mess up his Shinya impersonation.
“-yaAAAHHHH FUCK!!!” Die screamed a few octaves higher than his normal voice, knife flying dangerously out of his hand as he whipped around and pressed himself against the sink in fright.
Kaoru tried to keep a smirk going but eventually he started giggling. He’d never seen such a look of horror on Die’s face before although he wasn’t sure why Shinya would induce such fear in the man at all, unless his impersonation was way off. That and the front of Die’s apron had a little fluffy sheep on it baying the word “Ganbaaaaaaatte” over it’s head, which was enough to make him want to snigger until he ran out of breath.
“Shinya I swear to god this isn’t what it looks like!!” he yelped immediately, hands reaching behind him to shove various things into the sink. “I---Kaoru MOTHERFUCKER YOU’RE SO DEAD!!!!”
Kaoru laughed as the panic left Die’s face and anger replaced it. Apparently his purple hair had given him away. And apparently Die didn’t like being caught in aprons singing along to La’Cryma Christi in broad daylight.
“No I’m not because this is your fault dearest. I’m on time and I called you yesterday to remind you about this so suck it up and take it like a man,” he said in his leader voice, which slipped into another giggle as he looked back at the sheep on the apron.
Die cheeks went red as he realized what was so funny. He ripped off the apron as roughly as he could (without damaging it of course -- Mom had said she’d bought it in Okinawa and it was handmade).
“Get the hell out of my kitchen Kaoru and go suck on a cancer stick while I go back to, eh, making lunch,” he mumbled heatedly.
“What’s for lunch?” Kaoru asked with mock innocence.
“Your liver with my knife stuck in it so get your ass out of here and wait on the couch you tactless bastard,” he grumbled, eyeing Kaoru until he saw the man resign to do as he was told.
Kaoru laughed and shook his head paternally as he walked back into the living room. He didn’t want to know.
A few minutes later Die emerged, apron-less and with some water strung through his messy red hair. He walked over to his stereo system and turned the music off, turning around to face the intruder.
“Okay so why are we supposed to be getting together again?” he said with a sigh, running a hand through his hair restlessly.
“You make me feel so loved Die,” Kaoru murmured with a glint in his eye.
Die made an icy face and rolled his eyes.
“Aww, Leader-san wants to feel the love…,” he said with sweet sarcasm, slowly approaching the couch. “Well how’s this for love?”
His face broke out in a smile as he ran and made a flying leap onto both the couch and Kaoru, the other man yelping in surprise and laughing as he tried to push Die off.
“I love you I love you I love you,” he said in a goofy voice as he licked the side the older man’s face thoroughly.
“Die…stop it!” Kaoru managed to get out from under the tongue assault and in between his laughs.
“You know you like it,” he cooed with a grin and licked closer to his thin bottom lip.
“Die..you’re too..heavy!!”
Die got like this sometimes. Unlike the rest of them, it seemed that he hadn’t exactly grown out of high school horseplay, which was sometimes annoying, but a lot of the times it was a good tension breaker and Kaoru had enough tension that needed to be smashed to bits.
“Say you like it, say you like it!!!” he demanded, making his body go limp and crushing the smaller guitarist further.
“No!”
“Say it!” he demanded again, licking the corner of the other’s mouth teasingly.
Kaoru moaned from the weight pressing against him, but it came out rather erotic amongst his panting.
“…No…get…off of me…!”
“What? Get you off?” he whispered playfully.
“Die!”
He looked into Kaoru’s dark eyes intently.
“You look like you need it Niichan…” he murmured, all teasing gone as he bit Kaoru’s bottom lip gently. “Want any help?”
Die stopped trying to crush him and ever so subtly changed the points of pressure against the other guitarist’s body. A small groan escaped Kaoru’s lips as he felt hips dig into his own and a soft kiss envelope his lips.
Sometimes things like this happened. When you were famous, when you had so much riding on every performance, every interview, every new idea, stress built up until it towered over their heads and threatened to topple over onto them at any moment. A lot of the times, especially now that they were major and Oricon material, they didn’t have time to deal with it and they took it out on each other…and verbally wasn’t the only manner enacted. They played around with each other at practice, threw a few punches that were intended to bruise and some that weren’t, cursed and teased, wrestled and jumped on one another, and sometimes amongst the assault a hand got misplaced and situations changed. It generally didn’t occur when they were in serious relationships---it never occurred with Kyo and while Shinya knew about it the color of his cheeks was enough for the hand to be removed without further embarrassment. Kaoru and Die both knew it didn’t mean anything more than a show of their friendship, of what Die was willing to do to make sure Kaoru didn’t fall deeper into a pit of desolation on his watch, but it was slightly awkward seeing as they were both dating other band members for once and were quite serious about them.
“Old habits die hard don’t they?” Kaoru mused once the set of lips were off his.
“Yeah well…Shinya would understand. We’re both worried…”
Shit. It’s starting to get to them as badly as it is to me….Why do they have to be able to tell these things?
Kaoru kept quiet, not sure of what he wanted to say.
“Just a little ne…You’ll feel better afterwards…,” Die said gently, “…we both know you will.”
And Kaoru started to feel heat rise to his cheeks at what Die was hinting at. Not that it embarrassed him, but the fact that his body was suddenly so aroused did. The redhead smiled as he felt the change beneath him, taking that as answer enough.
“Toshiya’s not giving you any, is he?” he asked bluntly while placing a wet kiss on Kaoru’s exposed throat, arms reaching up and around the slim body.
“Die…”
The tone was a warning.
“Don’t you ‘Die’ me…,” he said firmly, mouth covering Kaoru’s again as he kissed him further.
Kaoru was about to protest but the presence of Die’s tongue in his mouth made it hard. He’d forgotten about the unusual way Die kissed; he’d forgotten about how comforting and loving it felt.
“I just care, that’s all…”
A hand crept under his leader’s tight shirt.
“Are you sleeping in the same bed?”
It was hard to get Kaoru to talk about serious aspects of any relationship he was in, but distractions such as liquor and sex tended to help.
“….Yes,” he gasped out as Die jerked his shirt up and cold air hit his skin.
“But let me guess, he’s making excuses not to sleep with you.”
“….Yeah…”
His shirt bunched uncomfortably around his armpits as Die began licking his chest. It always seemed like the guitarist had a fetish for licking, like he was a large cat or dog, and Kaoru wondered if it was his time spent with females that had done it to him.
“Does he let you hold him when you sleep?”
“Die….I don’t want to talk about it…” he panted as a tongue swirled around his nipple.
“Yes you do. Now does he?”
A hand stroked his groin.
“…Yes..but…not like he used to….”
Die was quiet for a bit as he concentrated on kissing Kaoru’s stomach.
“….He’s gotten over me nearly decapitating you with my guitar hasn’t he?”
The kisses trailed a little lower.
“Yes..no…I don’t know…I..”
He felt fingers tug at the zipper of his pants.
“Die I don’t know what’s wrong, I don’t understand why he’s acting like this…”
“Mmm it’s okay….the people we think we know the best can still act unpredictably at times…human nature na…”
Kaoru moaned as he felt his pants being tugged down. Die wasn’t as stupid as he seemed most of the time.
“But why this, why now, why when things were going so great…I don’t…”
The rest trailed into nothing as Die pulled down his boxers and placed a kiss on the exposed skin, right above the fine mat of hair.
“Shh it’s okay, Shinya and I’ll help out….just relax…”
“Die it’s not okay, I want my Toshiya back, I need his support, I, I--” his voice was starting to show his frustration as Die silenced him with a kiss.
“Kaoru relax, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack…Now just lie back and let me take care of this,” he ran a finger down his length, “okay?”
The redhead kissed his way back down to where he had been, hands sliding down to Kaoru’s hips to steady himself.
“No…Die what if Toshiya finds out..he’ll get more upset..I don’t need more problems with him…Die we shouldn’t--”
Die sighed as he nuzzled his face right below a pale pelvic ridge and cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips.
“Kaoru, Toshiya won’t find out, I promise…Neither of us will tell him okay? So stop worrying…”
He licked his lips.
“….and start enjoying yourself.”
“Die…,” came the small protest as he stared at the ceiling, Die’s hand snaking up to hold onto his own.
The violet-haired man’s mind went blank as moist heat soothed the aching below.
Die, you don’t have to do these things for me….I’m too old to try and forget my problems in pleasure like I once could. I’m too old to be clueless about the origin of my lover’s angst, too old to be having to worry about work and passion at the same time, too old to be taking care of you all when I can’t even take care of my own business….
“….Die…nnnn….”
He moaned and tilted his head back as a bead of sweat crept down his neck.
I just want stability…want it all to be okay, no problems, no stress hounding me every second of the goddamn day….I want…
“Die…Die when…when you,” he gasped, “..when you love..someone….”
He felt Die’s hand tighten its grip around his own simultaneously.
What am I saying? Die wouldn’t know…He puts his heart into it every time, uncaring about failure…He doesn’t think about the future…about…the real world…
Die sucked harder and Kaoru groaned loudly, pushing his hips forward.
…..I don’t want to think about it.
“Die…harder…get me off….,” he panted, fine cheekbones flushed with color as he turned his head aside.
His friend indulged him and did as he was told. Soon enough Kaoru’s body couldn’t stand the sweet stimulation any longer and he peaked, pearl liquid filling Die’s mouth and trickling back onto himself. His eyes shut blissfully as he stopped thinking completely for a few moments and relaxed, his breathing heavy and electricity skittering through his limp body.
“Uh, sorry about that,” Die said meekly, trying to find a tissue to wipe the other guitarist off with, “I haven’t done this in awhile…”
But when he looked to Kaoru’s face he could tell his friend was past hearing him. A smile lit his lips and Kaoru managed to open one eye slightly and look to him. Without makeup Die looked pretty mean normally, but if he smiled he looked like the sweetest thing on earth.
“Tell Shinya I’ve got next dibs on you…,” he murmured jokingly, eyes shutting again in exhaustion.
“Heh, you and everyone else buddy…”
Kaoru gave a half-hearted laugh as Die cleaned him off and did his pants back up.
“…Now what were we supposed to be doing again?”
“…..Who cares. C’mere you big retard,” Kaoru beckoned with a slight motion of his hand.
“Eh?”
He crawled back up the other guitarist’s body and fell against him as Kaoru wrapped his arms around him tightly.
“Let’s just stay like this for a bit ne…,” he whispered softly and idly stroked a few strands of crimson.
Die’s throat rumbled in response and he laid against the other man comfortably, pleased with the request. Sunlight filtered in through the window and caressed their bodies; heatless in the cold winter but satisfying nonetheless. Kaoru sighed contentedly at the feeling of a warm body against his own, at the comfort and reassurance his friend offered, at the peace and quiet of Die’s apartment and the lack of tension in his body …
He felt himself drifting off to sleep.
…..The only thing that could make this better would be if Die were--
And darkness enveloped his brain before he realized Toshiya wasn’t the last word lingering there.
~*~
Shinya looked at his watch for the fifth time that day. Half past three. Damn, it seemed like they’d been in the dance hall for a hell of a lot longer than three hours. Toshiya was going over the preparations to the point where it was nearly neurotic, insisting on checking everything himself and even inspecting the ashtrays that were going to be set out that night.
“Shin-chan what color curtains do you think Kyo would like on the stage? Red or black?”
Shinya looked up from the pattern in the carpet he was staring at.
“I don’t think Kyo will really notice the curtains Toshiya…”
The bassist directed another staff member on where he wanted chairs set up before answering.
“Of course he will notice the curtains Shinya, it’s his birthday party-people notice everything at their birthday parties. So what color?”
Shinya didn’t argue.
“Red I guess.”
“Good choice -- I think so too. No don’t put that there, put it--”
The brunette went back to basically doing nothing as Toshiya walked over to a befuddled staff member and explained whatever grand image he had in his head. He hadn’t really wanted to help out today, mainly because he knew he wasn’t needed for anything, but when Toshiya had asked him to come along he didn’t refuse. The thought of Toshiya alone bothered him basically because he knew something was still wrong with him and being alone may make it worse. Even Die had started noticing, and that said something. Although if you looked at Toshiya’s “better half” it wasn’t to hard to figure out at all---Kaoru looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks and smoked twice as much as he used to when either Die or Shinya met up with him. The man had gone from being a bundle of nerves to one big throbbing nerve, and it was really starting to upset both him and his boyfriend. But while anxiety was written all of the older man’s face, it was hard to tell anything was getting to Toshiya unless he opened his mouth. Then it showed. Every joke, smile, and laugh was forced; every word seemed like he had no idea what he was saying because his mind was focused on a completely different matter within. Shinya wanted him to expose that matter desperately, still well aware that a time bomb was ticking away within the youth while he pondered it. He cast a nervous glance at Toshiya’s back.
“Red, and not the tacky red you have up there now either. Blood red. I don’t care if you don’t have that color in the back, have someone make a new set and we’ll pay for it.”
God this party was going to cost a fortune. Management was covering half of it partially by taking money out of their vacation package and partially by the money the VK magazines were already offering in hopes of getting an exclusive. The rest was coming out of the band’s pocketbook, which, while Shinya loved Kyo as much as the rest of the band did, didn’t settle too well with him. The most he’d spent on another band member was the cost of a present, sometimes an expensive one (he’d tried buying Toshiya a Vivienne bracelet one year and had to live on cup noodles for a month and a half), but nothing like what he was having to dish out for this. They weren’t exactly rich, despite their popularity, and Toshiya was conveniently forgetting that fact. He wished he was rich, and he couldn’t exactly figure out why he wasn’t since tickets to see them cost 5000yen instead of the measly 600 he remembered getting back in the day, but the size of his apartment was proof enough that a party like this was a little over his budget.
He sighed.
Sure the place was lovely, all mirrors and chandeliers, cozy booths and dining tables, and a magnificent wooden dance floor and stage, but still…he could settle for kicking back with a six pack and laughing at Kyo with his Selfie hair until the vocalist snapped and tried to beat them to death with sofa pillows. A little cake on the side, a few toasts and a tasteful present…That was his idea of a good birthday party. Or the time Die had gotten overenthusiastic about him eating the cake he and Toshiya had baked for him and he ended up with icing all over his face and Die on top of him licking it off.
A blush seeped into his cheeks.
He was glad he and Die were together. Whatever he had done when wasted that night proved to be one of the best things he’d ever done. Die was the best partner he’d ever had, attentive to the point where he might as well be paid to be behaving so. He was always loving, always concerned, always all over him, which was the only fault there may be in their relationship. He had a hard time going to sleep without prying the redhead off his body with a crowbar, Die always more than eager to help tire him out by getting on top of him and…
He blushed further.
It never worked though, seeing as he was still afraid to have such things done to him. He didn’t understand how girls did it and was glad he was given the choice of both positions. He’d seen Die naked enough times to know getting that inside him was going to take some work. Painful work he’d rather avoid.
“Hey Shin-chan let’s---why are you blushing?”
Shinya’s head snapped up at Toshiya’s voice.
“It’s hot in here…,” he mumbled while trying to hide in his hair and forget he’d been thinking about sex with Die for the umpteenth time.
Had Toshiya been his normal self, Shinya would have been accused of just that – fantasizing about having sex with Die again. But he wasn’t so nothing came of it.
“Well we’re done for today and I’m hungry. Wanna get out of here and go get something to eat?”
He smiled, a smile not appropriate for what he’d just said but Shinya tried to ignore it. Toshiya only knew one smile nowadays and it wasn’t one of happiness.
“Yeah, sure…where do you wanna go?”
Toshiya pulled off the tight wrap-like hat he was wearing to keep the shorter part of his hair under control and ran a few fingers through his bangs.
“I dunno, I was thinking fast food….we could pick something up and eat in my car,” he suggested while putting the hat back on. It was hard for them to eat in an actual restaurant nowadays, even if it was fast food.
“Okay.”
Toshiya smiled again at his agreeableness.
“Good, let’s get going before it snows or something.”
And Shinya followed, determined not to let this opportunity go to waste.
~*~
Kaoru woke up to the pleasant sensation of a body curled against his and mild sunlight painting the inside of his eyelids fiery colors. He opened his eyes slowly, remembering he was in Die’s apartment and they hadn’t gotten anything done since he’d arrived except…
He pressed his chin down so that he could look at Die’s face, crimson hair splayed all over his navy shirt, lips parted slightly and a little puddle of drool soaking into the fabric beneath them.
He wanted to laugh, but the sight of Die knocked out was too nice to disrupt. He let his head fall back against the sofa pillow and smiled instead, but the movement was enough to make the other guitarist stir.
“…Mmm..Shinya…” he murmured instinctively as he stretched his limbs over Kaoru’s body. His eyes opened shortly afterwards and he found himself face-to-face with a very content and very handsome man.
“…..quit dying your hair freaky colors while I sleep okay?” he said groggily and Kaoru laughed, Die smiling in response.
“Oh Die-chan you know you like it,” he answered flippantly with a smirk.
“No I don’t, but I’ll tell you what I do like,” Die lifted his body up a bit and made it so that his face hovered over his friend’s, “--is you with a smile on your face.”
He kissed Kaoru with surprising hunger before the other could respond, then rolled off his body and stood up, searching his pockets for a cigarette.
“So what are we supposed to be doing now that it’s like midnight?” he asked nonchalantly upon extricating what he wanted from his pants, “Making the guest list?”
Kaoru blinked dazedly as he realized a body was no longer weighing him down and he was free to sit up. But instead of sitting up he remained laying down as he answered, abstract thoughts swirling around in his brain as he lightly licked Die’s saliva off his lips.
“Yeah,” came the simple response.
“Well let’s get to it o exalted Leader-san!”
Kaoru stared at Die with a blank look on his face. There was something in his mind that he was trying to recall, something that felt decidedly uncomfortable, a needle sharp and dangerous amidst the cushioning of his brain.
“That was a hint for you to get you lazy ass off the couch Kaoru,” Die said with a smirk on his lips and a hand on his hip.
He mumbled something unintelligible in embarrassment and got up, walking over to where he had put his bag.
“You know I don’t see how this can be so difficult,” the redhead began, “I mean what so they’ve already called, Toshiya already jotted it down -- why not give that list to the place?”
“Die you should know by now things are never that easy,” Kaoru retorted while bringing the stacks of papers and his laptop to the couch. “There were too many people invited for him to handle the RSVP list all by himself, so he split the task by putting my number on half the cards and Shinya’s on the other half so he could focus on the other arrangements. So to begin with I only know half the guests coming and I had to get the other list from Shinya. And on top of that, some of the guys sent letters to the office in response and we have no idea if those letters say they’ll attend or that they won’t. So what we do now is read over the lists, splice them together, open all the letters I brought and find out what they’re all about, make a list from that and then add it on to the other one. Then we’ve got a final product.”
Die took another drag from his cigarette and looked at the pile from the corner of his eye.
“That sounds complicated. Can I get off easy ‘cause I just gave you head?”
Kaoru snorted and passed him the stack of envelopes.
“Just start reading.”
The redhead sighed and put out his cigarette, grabbing a pen off the table and a letter to open. Kaoru likewise began sifting through the mismatched pieces of paper he and Shinya had written names on while waiting for the laptop to boot up. The room was quiet for a while, the rustling of papers, keys being struck, and the ripping open of envelopes providing white noise.
Then Die began cracking up.
Kaoru looked up from his screen.
“Eh, what’s so funny?”
But Die only kept laughing, passing a letter written on expensive stationary into his hand.
He looked it over.
“Okay, hyde saying he can’t attend the party….I still don’t get what’s so funny.”
He flipped the paper over to make sure he wasn’t missing something. Die finally caught his breath.
“Take a good look at it Kaoru.”
His eyes narrowed as he read it over again.
“Die I still don’t see--”
“Look at the handwriting.”
His friend leaned over and underlined each word with his finger as Kaoru read it out loud.
“Thank you for the invitation, I regret to say I can’t attend, nado nado nado, in the future I--”
“There! Look, he used watashi for I,” Die pointed out.
“So?”
“Kaoru what man ever makes that mistake unless they want to be pinned as fruity? He wouldn’t say boku boku boku and then watashi out of the blue. I bet you anything his wife wrote this,” he said with a knowing gleam in his eye.
“Oh come off it Die, his signature’s right there at the bottom.”
“Yeah yeah but look at this shit, hyde would never talk like this, even if he *was* trying to be formal…His wife wrote it because he’s WHIPPED!! Haido’s whipped by a woman!” he laughed and clapped his hands again.
Kaoru smirked as he looked it over again. The handwriting did look a little fishy…
“Ne ne I bet you anything she got our card in the mail and freaked….Heaven forbid hyde attend one of those secret meetings of the Visual Kei Homosexual Society…Prolly wrote this and wafted it under his nose telling him he needed to sign it like a good little husband…Oooo I’m gonna look for Hisashi’s letter next! I bet you his wife did the same thing,” he said with a snicker, searching through the stack enthusiastically.
Kaoru kept his smirk and gave a short laugh, although he wasn’t sure why he wasn’t laughing as hard as Die had at that discovery.
“Damn no letter. Is he on the lists?”
And before the other guitarist could stop him, Die had snatched up the papers scattered before him.
“No no no, not you, not you, cool Ryutaro’s coming!” he exclaimed while flipping to another page. “Not you, not you, not---”
Uneasiness crept up Kaoru’s spine as Die suddenly got quiet, staring at a particular name on one of the lists.
“Hey Kaoru…..why’s Kirito on here?”
“Because Toshiya invited Jun and Jun is bringing the rest of his band,” he stated flatly. “Now give me the lists back so we can finish this up.”
“Yeah but Jun knows how dangerous it is to put Kirito and Kyo in the same room, doesn’t he? Why didn’t you tell him--”
“Die, I didn’t want to be rude. You can’t expect to invite half a band and not the other. We’re bred better than that.”
The redhead’s hold had loosened on the sheets and Kaoru plucked them from his hands.
“Yeah but still…..”
He grew quiet again as he noticed how tense Kaoru’s body had become.
“Kaoru I know you and Kyo don’t get along anymore….but letting Kirito come is asking for trouble and….Toshiya’s going to be upset,” he finished softly, knowing he had just stepped into dangerous territory.
Die’s stomach turned as Kaoru looked back at him with an unreadable face.
“Die, are you insinuating I’m trying to ruin Kyo’s party by allowing Kirito to come?”
The younger man hesitated, gaze wandering to the floor in anxiety.
“…No, I…You wouldn’t….”
“Because even though the man is trying to thoroughly screw our future by not attending practice, even though my boyfriend has taken a bigger interest in him than he has me, and even though Kyo has insulted both you and I on various occasions, I wouldn’t stoop so low as to ruin a day of celebration in his honor.”
“No of course you wouldn’t Kaoru, I didn’t mean--”
Kaoru looked back at the glowing screen in his lap.
“Toshiya should have taken Jun’s poor judgment into account when he invited him.”
“Yeah...you’re right…I..heh sorry I didn’t mean to say something that stupid…,” Die mumbled with false cheerfulness, stumbling over his words.
The two were silent after that.
~*~
They sat in Toshiya’s car with the windows rolled down eating Kentucky Fried Chicken and Toshiya periodically taking a drag from his cigarette. The scenery wasn’t that great -- actually there wasn’t much to begin with considering they were in a parking garage -- but Toshiya said he didn’t feel like finding a scenic parking spot amongst the mess that was Tokyo’s traffic and lack of parking lots. Shinya found the cement walls, low ceiling, and the cold air wafting in through the windows to be rather depressing, but he figured it probably suited Toshiya’s mind-set fine. The radio was babbling in the background, a lack of music and a surplus of talking proving to be slightly annoying but better than dead silence. He was starting to think it would have been the worth taking the risk of being recognized just so they could feel the ambiance of a restaurant and not the void of the lonely parking garage.
“Hey this sandwich is pretty good Shin-chan. You want a bite?” the bassist asked abruptly, holding out the barely-touched concoction in offering as he took another drag.
Yeah good enough for you not to want to eat it…You don’t even like Kentucky Toshiya….
“No that’s okay, I’ve got enough eating this. I really shouldn’t have ordered fries…”
Toshiya shrugged and nibbled a little on the chicken sandwich, turning his head to stare out the window.
Ehhhh….Now seems like such a crappy time but…..
“Hey Totchi?”
It felt awkward using Toshiya’s pet name after not having used it for awhile. Toshiya took another bite out of his sandwich and kept staring.
“Toshiya?” Shinya said a little louder. Maybe his voice sounded too much like the blurb on the radio….
Toshiya turned his head at that, flicking ash out the window at the same time.
“Hmm?”
Shinya hesitated as he saw a flicker of anxiety rush through his friend’s eyes.
“….How’s Kaoru?”
He brought the cigarette back to his lips and inhaled.
“Kaoru’s fine.”
Shinya knew that tone.
“Well you know, it’s just you two haven’t come out with Die and I for a while….We were kind of worried…”
Toshiya threw his cigarette out the window.
“Well we’re fine and we’re not fighting if that’s what you mean.”
…He still wants to clam up…
“Yeah I guess that’s why Kaoru looks like he’s been through hell and back nowadays huh, everything’s just peachy…”
Shinya inwardly winced at having said that. He wanted to say something blunt to provoke Toshiya but not that blunt.
Toshiya turned in the driver’s seat to face him.
“Shinya, Kaoru and I are in love, you and Die both know that. If something’s wrong with Kaoru, he hasn’t mentioned anything to me. So if you’re trying to get at something, I can’t imagine what it is.”
The drummer studied his friend’s face, not liking that Toshiya was smiling once again.
“Toshiya….listen, I care a lot about you. Die cares a lot about you. Kaoru loves you. We’re not stupid, we know something’s wrong. Please tell me about it, I’m your friend…and you’re like a brother to me. Holding it inside never does you any good, we both know that ne….”
He wished he could have sounded more compassionate, that the setting would have been better, but this was the only time he’d had alone with Toshiya since something had happened to his friend and it couldn’t be helped.
“Shinya,” he said again, putting his sandwich down and touching his friend’s hand, “I know you care but I also know you’re worrying for no reason. Nothing’s wrong, trust me, okay?”
He smiled again and the drummer couldn’t take it anymore.
“Toshiya what the hell’s gotten into you?”
He pulled his hand away from the other’s touch.
“You never used to lie to my face….Am I that worthless as a friend? You think I don’t know anything about you even after all these years we’ve spent together? Think I care so little as to ignore the pain you go through?”
Toshiya’s smile faded upon hearing that, and a look of slight anger replacing it. He pulled his hand back into his lap.
“I know you care Shinya, which was why if something was wrong I would have told you. But there isn’t anything wrong. You’re digging into something you know nothing about. Kaoru and I are as we’ve always been---together and happy. In love.”
“In love,” he repeated again.
Shinya sighed and glanced out the window, only to see an empty car staring back at him.
“You know Toshiya, you’re not only hurting yourself, you’re hurting us as well,” he murmured.
“Drop it okay?” Toshiya said curtly, picking up his half-eaten sandwich and stuffing it in the bag.
The brunette wanted to yell at him in frustration, but the sorrow he felt doused the urge.
“Fine, whatever you want…..”
There was silence as the two refused to look at one another. Then Shinya felt a hand touch his face.
“Shinya….you’re only upsetting the both of us. If you really care…..just believe me when I say there’s nothing wrong, okay?”
He turned to look at Toshiya, who had the same look of anxiety haunting his pretty eyes again.
“Totchi….”
“Okay Shinya? Please…”
The drummer leaned over and embraced his friend.
“Toshiya, I know something’s wrong….I know you’re lying to me,” he said softly, almost kissing the other’s ear as he spoke into it. “But if you’re that desperate…..I…whatever you want Toshiya, just remember I’m here okay? I want to help you…..”
He felt the other man’s body relax in his hold, Toshiya pressing their bodies close for a short time as he just listened to those words.
“……You’re a good friend Shinya….,” he said after a few moments of comfort.
……..but even you can’t help me this time.
~~~Tonight’s The Night~~~
“Aiji sit still!”
“I know but--”
“No buts dammit 5 more minutes and we’re done,” Yumi wiped a drop of sweat rolling down her cheek away. “I swear I have no idea how your makeup artists put up with you, you have the ability to sit still of a 3 year-old.”
Aiji looked into his lap.
“I’m nervous so lay off okay? This is really important.”
“I know I know Oniichan, I’m just teasing you,” she said with a smile and a peck on his cheek. He really was nervous if her normal teasing was upsetting him…
A noise resounded in his throat as he lifted his head to stare at the mirror before him. A few more minutes and his hair would be done, a few more minutes and she’d put makeup on him, a few more minutes and he donned the outfit…a few more minutes and he went home to Kirito….
Katayose Yumi watched Aiji subtly bite his lip with concern. She and Aiji had been good friends for years, having grown up in the same neighborhood and attending the same schools. When college had come they’d split ways -- her going on to beauty school and becoming a professional makeup artist, him having joined a band and become adored nationwide -- but they valued one another’s friendship too greatly to drift apart. Yumi had always had a soft spot for the young man and it showed in the way her face glowed when he was present. One might say she loved him, but she was wise enough not to be in love with him. Not again at least. They had dated in high school because it seemed like the natural course of action…but soon enough she had realized that despite how kind he was to her, despite his smiles and his laughs, the way he listened to her problems and helped her get through them, making him more than a best friend was impossible. Yet even though she’d watched her heart break in his hands, the gentle way he’d patched it back together and returned it, she felt no bitterness towards Aiji at all. It was like somewhere deep inside she knew it could never happen to begin with, and that had acted as a safety net -- kept her from falling too hard when otherwise she would be broken. Aiji hadn’t left her for another woman at the time; he hadn’t left her for another man. Aiji had left her for some calling she didn’t understand, for some want she knew if she couldn’t fill must be something unique. She’d thought it was the band, the promise of fame dragging him along but…
….now she thought it was this man.
It was obvious enough he was in love with this person she strangely knew so little about, but it had honestly surprised her when Aiji had mentioned he was dating someone. Finally. That too had her worried, that she had done something so wrong in their time together that he didn’t want to be with another person period. But he had started showing signs of love sickness some time ago, which had both consoled her and concerned her. Concerned her because it was taking so long for him to hook up with this mystery person, small things in his personality changing while he waited, a certain anxiety floating about him whenever they met. And now that he was with this man, while she could see the contentment radiating from his smile, the anxiety was still hovering nearby….That didn’t sit well with her. She knew Aiji was passive at heart, more so than most people realized, but love was supposed to cure anxiety in her mind, not breed it….What did this man do to her Aiji while she remained naive to it all? She knew he put on fronts for the concerts, for his male friends, for most of the world but…for the soft side she knew dwelled inside of him to change -- what had changed she didn’t know, but she knew something had -- worried her…And while a part of her was happy alongside him, another was unhappy that he was with this man. Not because he was another male, but because she knew in all probability he would be in control…and Aiji’s anxiety, his passiveness…while they could mix well with such a thing, couldn’t create a pleasing end product in her mind…
“…yet?”
She suddenly realized Aiji had been talking to her.
“Huh?”
“Is it time to take this stuff out yet?” he repeated.
Yumi looked at her watch.
“Yep! Lean your head over the sink and we’ll wash it all out.”
Aiji did as he was told, wincing a little as cold water splashed down the back of his neck. He trusted Yumi to do the best she could, as he knew she’d seen every phase both he and his band had gone through, hoping she could pick the best from it all for tonight. She’d wanted to bleach his hair and dye it white blonde again originally, but after explaining to her that no bleaching was allowed without his stylist’s consent she’d settled on dying it red again. Then he had to protest that too because Kirito’s hair was still blood red and he knew it would an awkward sight for them to both have the same hair coloring. So at last she had settled for warming the brown and adding highlights; Yumi’s expertise was highlighting even though she hadn’t majored in it so he knew nothing bad could come of it. She’d asked him to bring a few specific items from his wardrobe and went out and bought the rest herself with the money he’d given her to cover the expense of being made up. What she’d chosen was a sort of bondage theme, a mixture of his old appearances and more recent ones. She planned on having him wear the upper half of his outfit for Nounai Moruhine, with the black arm braces and the small leather top, except she wanted to add a matching collar for his neck (mainly because Aiji seemed unaware that the vast majority of his neck was purple). For the bottom she planned on having him wear either a tight skirt over his pants like he had for the Genome Control or normal bondage pants with a pleated skirt like he’d donned for the previous tour. She had opted for the tight skirt saying he had a cute butt -- he had opted for the regular bondage pants out of embarrassment. So they settled midway with having a shorter that normal pleated back and front. Yumi had bought him a new pair of boots though, insisting on having the perfect shape for his legs and feet. All in all he was going to be decked out in black and more feminine than he had been recently, which suited him just fine. Color was more Jun’s thing anyways.
“Makeup time!” she sang while toweling off his hair.
This was what he had been most worried about. Aiji firmly believed that he and makeup often did not go well together. He wished they would, because he really wished he could transform his face into something beautiful just by applying lipstick and eye shadow like so many other men he knew could, but reality wasn’t as thoughtful.
“Yumi….are you sure I should wear makeup? I’m not…you know…it doesn’t…”
“No I don’t know,” she said raising an eyebrow. “Now go sit under that dryer and let me fiddle with that handsome face of yours.
He sighed and moved once she started dragging him out of the chair, laughing a little as she shooed him away.
~*~
Some thirty minutes later, Aiji was a finished project. His hair had been dried and set, his clothes had been changed, and his face touched by the likes of Shiseido. Yumi was covering his eyes as she led him to a full length mirror in the corner of her studio.
“Do you really need to do this Yumi? It’s not like I’ve transformed into Gackt or something, I’m going to basically look as unflattering as I do normally…”
She pinched his arm and he swore.
“Aiji don’t say things like that, you’re a perfectly handsome man with or without makeup and everyone except for you realizes it. So if you complain about the way you look one more I’ll do a lot more than pinch you to keep you quiet!”
He smiled remembering the time he’d had a lump on his head for a week when they were in elementary school due to her.
“Okay are you ready?” she said excitedly.
“….I guess…”
She kicked him a little to rouse enthusiasm.
“And here my dear Oniichan, is the man who will make all other men envious tonight!!”
She brought her hands away swiftly and made a show of framing his body for effect.
Aiji gingerly opened his eyes.
…….And his heart stopped.
“Well? I told you you were beautiful!”
It didn’t look like the face he was so used to seeing was staring back at him. He could tell it was himself -- he knew the lines of his face and body all to well -- but he had changed.
I almost look….
His body was slim and pale, the black bringing out the whiteness of his skin. His legs looked long and graceful, the boot heels just the right height to emphasis what was already natural and the leather pants clinging to them for the right shape. The skirt gave his hips more volume and hung off them and just the right places, not to low or too high. The milky color of his stomach peeked out for a short expanse, his navel exposed and inviting, the top fitting snugly against his chest. The straps on the top, the arm braces, and the collar around his neck gave him a decidedly submissive appearance he hoped Kirito would enjoy, the collar with three buckles that seemed to stretch out his neck and give the curves an elegant appearance.
Then there was his face…
She hadn’t put much makeup on him to begin with, much to his relief. She’d powdered his skin in a nice scent, made his lips bloodless and the same light color. A thick gloss had been slid over them and they glistened, shiny and wet as if he had just been kissed. His hair fell softly about his face, fiery shades of auburn and red, strands shining gold and chestnut in the light when he turned his head, part slightly off center. She hadn’t gelled it like he expected her to, but teased it a little so that the layering showed. And his eyes….they were what surprised him the most. She’d smudged them heavily with kohl but lining all the way around, making sure not to make the lines too thick or too thin. His eyelids as well were completely black and she’d taken the time to soften the eye shadow so it didn’t look too harsh. A small amount of mascara had been applied to his lashes as well, making them a reasonable length but more noticeable. The overall effect was a pair of large, feminine eyes staring back at him, inquisitive and demure in a way they hadn’t been before.
To people outside the industry, he looked overly effeminate for a man and rather gay.
To people inside, he had achieved the perfect blend of both sexes that was thought so highly of.
Gorgeous.
He wanted to cry.
“Yumi…,” he began softly, but the girl was already shaking her head in declination.
“No need to thank me Aiji-kun, it’s all you…”
~*~
When he arrived home it was 7 o’clock. Kirito had told the band they would meet them at 7:50 outside of the building. So far he was on time. Nervous as hell, but on time. When Kirito had wanted to know why he wasn’t going to get ready at the apartment (seeing as most of his wardrobe was now next to next to the vocalist’s) he had made the excuse of wanting to by a new dress shirt for the occasion, and while the other hadn’t complained, he seemed to know he was lying. Aiji was not afraid because he had lied to Kirito, although he was making it a wise habit not to -- he was afraid that Kirito might not find the reason for the lie as an excuse to be lied to.
He was afraid Kirito wouldn’t like his appearance.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he kept telling himself he looked as good as Yumi told him he did, that he looked as good as he had dared to think so himself. That he looked good enough to stand by Kirito and have people acknowledge them as a couple, as lovers; not merely just two friends going out to dinner as he believed people did when they were in public. That if Kirito did indeed decide to introduce him as the man he slept beside everyday it would not be a source of amusement, but rather envy and approval. All he wanted was for Kirito to never regret taking him in the way he had, never regret claiming him as his own and letting him enjoy all that entailed. It was a show of gratefulness; it was the proper way to behave in Aiji’s mind.
He fumbled a bit when putting the key in the door lock.
Much to his surprise, the door was already being opened on the other side. Light poured out into the darkness of night as the door swung open.
Kirito stood before him.
“I was afraid you were going to be late.”
He was already dressed himself, wearing a sharp black suit and a casually undone dark silk blouse, much like he had worn for the Agitator video. It appeared that he’d put on a thin application of eyeliner himself, but no trademark cross, as well as lining his near-non-existent eyebrows. He was wearing a set of corpse blue contacts again and his lips as well were darker than usual as well, having put a reddish-brown shade on. To Aiji he looked perfect, and his heart ached yet again at the thought of actually being the man’s lover.
So caught up in his admiration was he that he failed to realize Kirito was staring back at him, his eyes slightly narrowed.
“Well come in Aiji, I don’t want you getting sick from the cold,” he said emphatically, moving away from the door and waiting for the guitarist to follow.
Aiji bowed lightly out of habit and entered their dwelling, Kirito shutting the door behind him.
“So where’s the new shirt? I’d like to see it,” the guitarist heard him say to his back.
He was wearing a heavy overcoat to cover his ensemble and because it was practically freezing outside. Technically, he should have started removing it once he stepped in the door. But the minute he heard that tone he knew Kirito wasn’t happy about something.
He turned around to face his lover, ready to tell him some shortened version of what had happened, only to find the words wouldn’t come out.
Kirito looked over his body and stepped closer.
“Don’t you want to show it to me?”
Aiji nodded and stepped back, trying to think of the best thing to say, knowing Kirito could clearly see his hair and eyes by now. His back bumped into the wall.
“I’d like to see it,” Kirito repeated, now close enough to touch the other man.
Aiji kept looking at him with parted lips, feeling unexplainably trapped. In his silence Kirito came closer, his body blocking escape. Aiji could feel the heat from the other’s breath as his lover leaned in close to inhale his scent. His breathing quickened as the warm air tickled below his ear and Kirito started undoing his coat.
“Show me what’s under your coat Aiji,” he whispered, hand pausing in presumption that Aiji would undo the rest for him.
“Kirito,” he began, finally finding a word that wanted to come out of his mouth.
“What is it Aiji, are you going to say no?”
The guitarist averted his eyes, not understanding why Kirito was already using that tone of voice with him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. He shook his head weakly and began unbuttoning the rest of his coat, Kirito watching intently. When the last button was unfastened he shrugged the weight off his shoulders and let it slide to the floor, exposing his clothing and flesh. He kept his gaze fixed downwards.
Kirito was quiet as he looked his body over again. Bringing his eyes back to Aiji’s face, he spoke.
“Why are you dressed like this?”
The displeasure was evident in his voice. Aiji felt like he’d been slapped.
“I…I…my friend she…the party…” he mumbled incoherently.
It wasn’t coming out straight at all.
“You didn’t answer my question Aiji. Why are you dressed like this?”
He swallowed and tried to clear his thoughts, tried to rationalize that he hadn’t done anything wrong, that Kirito was getting angry for no reason when he’d done it all for him to begin with…Kirito wasn’t supposed to be angry, he didn’t look that ugly, he knew he didn’t…
He kept his eyes averted but stepped forward slightly and pressed his body against the vocalist’s in frustration and want to be comforted, trying to convey what he couldn’t in words.
“For you,” he murmured into the other’s neck, strain clear in his voice, “…for you…”
He wrapped his arms around Kirito’s neck, not caring if he threw him off and beat him to the floor for doing so.
“…for you…I wanted to look good for you….”
Kirito kept quiet upon hearing those words and let Aiji press himself against his body. He slowly wrapped an arm around the brunette’s waist and used his other hand to move Aiji’s face away from his neck and into his view.
“….I like you without makeup,” he said in a softer tone, looking into the lovely set of fearful eyes before him.
“……Are you angry?” Aiji said close to a whisper, afraid of the answer.
Kirito smirked.
“And if I am?”
The other had no answer although none was expected.
“Aiji,” he began sincerely, lifting up the other’s chin and bringing their lips closer, “you’re very pretty, I don’t think you realize that….I worry, that’s all. If someone else were to touch you….do you know how that would make me feel?”
His lips nearly touched Aiji’s as he spoke, the other man’s blood racing at such closeness.
“I would be so angry Aiji, so very angry, so very jealous and hurt, that I would have to hurt them in return. I can’t have them think you’re like everyone else Aiji, I won’t allow them to…..Do you understand?”
Aiji nodded.
“I knew you would; I know you know how much you mean to me….”
He exhaled upon hearing those words, delicious warmth spreading through his veins. His eyelids drifted shut just as Kirito’s lips touched his own. He felt the other’s tongue slip in to tease his right as Kirito pushed him back up against the wall, the tips touching as fingers ventured under his top.
But the redhead stopped the kiss there, pulling back so he could speak again.
“You’re very pretty,” he murmured once more and Aiji’s body sagged against the wall as a sudden rush of pleasure assaulted his body, the bliss of having Kirito bestow any compliment on him after so many years of insults too great to handle. “But you’re not like everyone else, are you Aiji?”
A gasp escaped his lips as his body was pushed further into the wall, exposed skin near the small of his back touching the cold surface. Kirito kissed his cheek.
“You’re untainted….perfect…”
He blushed at the praise, wondering what Kirito’s idea of tainted was, for he had had him many times since the last time he mentioned such a concept…
“If someone else were to touch you like I’m touching you now….”
The slim fingers crept further up his stomach, fingertips cold against Aiji’s skin.
“….if someone else were to kiss you like I do….”
Aiji shivered and felt his body slide further down the wall, Kirito’s pressing against his own the only thing holding him up as a kiss was placed on his forehead.
“Aiji…,” he caught his chin in his hand and his eyes with his own, “…..do you know what I would do?”
It was that gaze again, that raw passion that scared and pleasured him so much, reminding his soul that he could never part from its source. And Aiji had no answer, no want to speak, no want to do anything except have Kirito do what he wished to him. He kept his eyes fixed on his lover’s, mind partially fearing the extent of Kirito’s possessiveness and another part of him waiting to revel in it.
“……I would kill them , and I would make sure they wished they’d never been born before I did so.”
A soft whimper escaped his throat as his arms slackened their hold around his neck, instead sliding back down Kirito’s chest, painted nails following in his subconscious want for the man to let out some of that fervor right now. He even went so far as to caress the exposed skin of Kirito’s chest as suggestively as he dared, the want and lust bubbling within his body begging for satisfaction as soon as possible while that wild look was still in his lover’s eye. It was only fitting that something physical, something concrete occur after those words had been spoken, Kirito taking his body to remind them both of his ownership.
Just once, Aiji thought desperately, once while he’s at his peak, while he’s unpredictable, I want to see that side…I want him to show me what he’s really like without restraint….I know he has to be holding back if his eyes can convey that much…
Before he knew it Aiji’s lips were on his lover’s throat, something he didn’t do that often but was now too excited to resist.
Reward me Kirito, reward me for being yours….
Kirito’s fingers stroked the back of his neck and the fine hairs that resided there, allowing him to suck gently on the flesh of his throat.
“Did you like hearing that my pet?” he asked in a quiet yet amused voice, Aiji knowing his lips had curled into another smirk.
The guitarist kissed higher in response.
“Do you wear such things to provoke me?”
He felt the fingers slide further up the back of his neck and into his hair.
“It’s dangerous to play like that Aiji….”
Aiji’s short fingernails dug into his shirt in excitement.
“…..Do you want to see me angry, is that it?”
A small cry came from the brunette’s lips as Kirito’s grip on his hair tightened suddenly and his head was jerked away from the other’s throat.
Yes, yes Kirito, show me what you keep hiding within you, show me what that other side would do to me if you let it…Now, please, do it now before things change….
He tried to make himself yield further, tried to think of what would incite the other into stepping over that boundary, if it would be him showing his receptiveness to such a thing or if it would be defiance that would stir him up until the dam broke. But it was hard when he had such little time to analyze what Kirito wanted and when his hair being pulled so tight distracted him from much thought period. Instinctively he gave in to surrendering, letting the other man pull harder if he wished to, body losing it’s tenseness save for the fingernails he couldn’t manage to retract. They alone seemed to dig deeper into Kirito’s partially hidden flesh.
“Kirito….please….” he said softly, evasively submissive as the wild look captivated him further.
…please….now Kirito….do it now, do anything now…I want it…
“Is that it Aiji?” he whispered sharply, smirk still in place but the other could see his breathing had become deeper. “Do you want to see me angry that you dressed yourself like this; that you’re inviting the eyes of others to look over your body?”
Aiji gasped as Kirito pulled his hair harder, but he wouldn’t take his eyes off those whitish orbs.
“When you know full well that I am the only one who has the right to look at you in such a manner?”
And the steady breaths came faster, Aiji’s breathing accelerating in response.
Yes…..yes…..make me sorry Kirito…please….do it….
He barely acknowledged that his initial purpose behind dressing so had rapidly transformed into something completely different, some hidden desire he hadn’t realized he had until Kirito’s eyes had shown it to him.
“I should rip this clothing off you right now, shouldn’t I baby?”
The hand let go of his hair and traveled back to the front of his neck, a finger looping beneath a buckle on the leather collar and tugging, bring their faces close again. The hand on his stomach retracted and pried one of Aiji’s arms from his chest, Kirito gripping the thin flesh of his forearm painfully.
“Do you need to be reminded of who owns you?” he hissed in a low, sweet voice.
Goosebumps flittered across the guitarist’s skin and he emitted a soft moan.
“Do you want to be reminded of who owns you?”
Yes oh god yes Kirito do it, do it…
And the excitement was too much for him to bear -- Kirito’s nearness, his tone of voice, his scent, his lips, his very being rousing Aiji past his usual fear of pain and discord, pulse racing madly upon hearing those words he understood in his heart but his lover had never spoken aloud before. He was sure the party was now in the distant past, that it was once again just the two of them, no outsiders to interfere with their love and their passion, no rules to tell him what he should want and what he shouldn’t want. The small points of deliciously bruising pressure on his skin held just a fraction of what he knew the other man was capable of, and while he didn’t understand this sudden masochistic urge, it felt right….
His neck was beginning to ache because of the angle Kirito was tugging his collar at, and the leather around his chest was starting to feel too tight, an unnecessary skin working to hinder his breathing. His back was cold against the wall but his front warmed by the other’s body. And suspense was worming its way through the tips of his limbs and directly into the core of his heart.
He couldn’t take it any longer.
His eyes drifted back to those full lips, whimpering softly for them to cover his own.
“Kirito….please….,” he pleaded again, subconsciously afraid to give a definitive answer.
The redhead searched his dark eyes closely, his own lips parting to accommodate his aroused breathing.
…please…hurt me….
He moaned as Kirito’s lips covered his own in a forceful kiss, tongue pushing into his mouth roughly and his back hitting the wall with a dull thud. His fingers stretched out in pleasure against the vocalist’s chest and Kirito seemed to be enjoying the sensation, releasing his other arm and allowing both hands to caress beneath the silk. In response he felt a hand under the front of his skirt, rubbing the inside of his thigh with light, teasing strokes and making him pant into the kiss.
“…is that what you want?” Kirito murmured into the kiss, touch climbing higher and into more sensitive regions.
Something…oh god he’s going to do something…, the thought raced through his mind.
Then teeth sank into the tender flesh of his inner lip.
Aiji cried instinctively, trying to pull back in surprise but Kirito wouldn’t let him, both hands now digging into his arms and keeping him still. His eyes grew wide as the redhead didn’t stop applying pressure, sharp canines biting deeper into the pink tissue, their lips still mashed together as Kirito watched him with eerily innocent eyes. Yet that was enough to subdue what might otherwise turn into panic, Aiji forcing himself to ignore the horrible sting and concentrate on those eyes alone and the gelled scarlet hair floating about them.
Let him Aiji, let him do anything he feels is right….
His eyelids fluttered shut as his body relaxed against the wall. Shortly after he felt a gush of salty fluid flood his mouth, barely registering the trickle escaping the confines of his lips. The warmth felt pleasant in contrast of the earlier pain, a nice pulsating sensation that calmed him. The straight white teeth drew back and a gentle tongue replaced them, licking at the corner of his mouth and then inside. Kirito let go of his arms and brought his hands up to cup his face, kissing him deeply but in the manner that he always did, and when he pulled away for air, Aiji opened his eyes again.
The fire was gone.
No……things were going so well what..what happened? What did I do wrong?
Kirito licked his bottom lip but wouldn’t look at Aiji’s face, features slightly contorted in the act of rumination.
Kirito, no..why…don’t leave me like this, you’re not done…I know you aren’t.
Aiji’s breathing was still heavy, body still aroused, and his soft panting was the only thing that could be heard. His lover looked up.
“If we don’t get going now we’ll be late. Wait in the car Aiji, I’ll be there soon.”
The guitarist stared back at him, honestly stunned.
But before he could manage a response, the redhead had already walked off towards the bedroom.
END PART 3
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