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If We Hold On Together	By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2217 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: So I have the next chapter after this written, but unless I get some comments I won't bother to update since I won't know if anyone even likes it...

Another morning, another day, another night. Weeks rolled by, and nothing changed. Gerard still came into my room sometimes, but mostly he didn't say anything. And if he did, it was just random words, or the usual 'I hate my life' comments. I tried to talk back, to reply, to react, to do anything. But I couldn't. I just sat there, frozen to my bed every time he visited me.

And always after he left I took out my razor and gashed my arm again. It didn't even hurt anymore, it just felt good. For a few minutes every day I got to ignore the pain inside me. The pain of my brother having problems, the pain of me having problems, and the pain of being ignored by our father.

Dad and his girlfriend broke up, and that made dad turn to the bottle. He didn't even care if Gerard drank anymore. Gerard never tried to hide it. I got drunk a few times too, sitting in my room and drinking from a stolen bottle of vodka. It drowned my sorrows out.

+

"FUCK" My voice flew threw my room together with the book I threw. I flinched when it hit the opposite wall. I was angry. Angrier then I had been in years. Dad had left us a note; he had taken off for the weekend. Wanted to be alone. Yeah right, he was going to get wasted of his ass and bang some hooker. I knew it, and Gerard knew it.

Gerard had taken off about an hour ago, and had been nowhere to be seen since. I stood in my room, swearing about the mess I had caused when I let my emotions get the best of me. I had grabbed everything within reach and just hurled it through the room. I was so angry. I let my room be filled with my angry screams again as I grabbed the nearest thing (my chair) and threw it against the wall. Then my anger left me and it was replaced with sorrow. I fell to the floor and sobbed. I was too tired to even get my razor out; instead I just started banging my fists and head against the floor.

Life was so unfair. I didn't deserve the life I had, and neither did Gerard.

I had no idea how long I had been sitting there when suddenly someone grabbed my hand. My head flew backwards and my eyes met Gerard's. I had been so busy crying and trying to inflict as much harm on myself as I could, that I hadn't heard Gerard get home.

"Don't" He said and sat down on the floor next to me. I ripped my hand out of his grip and crawled away from him. Who was he to tell me what to do?

"Fuck off" I said, but as soon as the words were said I regretted them. I didn't want him to leave; I didn't want to be alone again. He looked hurt by my words, but shook it off. His hair was tangled and his clothes shabby. But he didn't look drunk, which was a big surprise. He crawled against me on the floor, which only caused me to move further away from him. Soon I was trapped in a corner and he advanced on me carefully, like a lion sneaking up on its prey.

"I'm sorry" He whispered and stopped moving towards me. He sat there on his knees, his eyes spilling tears on my floor, and gave me a begging look. I shook my head and put my hands around my knees.
"For what?" I whispered back, almost as if I were afraid I'd scare him off if I talked too loud.

"For everything" He inched closer to me, and since I had nowhere to go I couldn't do anything. I shook my head again and sniffled.
"This isn't your fault" My voice was thick with unshed tears, and my lower lip shivered. I just wanted him to come a little bit closer, I wanted him to come close enough so I could hug him. And he did.

For about ten minutes neither of us said anything, we just sat in each others arms, just like the two brothers we were. He smelled like sweat and cigarettes, but not like alcohol. This made me happy. His hands were cold to touch, but I let my own hands hold them to give them some of my own warmth. Our touch was careful and slow, like we had forgotten how two brothers' can cuddle.

"I love you Mikey, even if I don't show it. You're my brother, and I need you" He said and I nodded to tell him the same. I couldn't find my voice right now, since this is what I had been waiting for since… forever. I don't think I had to say anything, I think he knew anyway. We were brothers, and we always would be.

+

Of course it had to end. Of course the old Gerard that for an evening had come out to love me disappeared. We spent the night watching movies, talking and laughing. Just like the old times. We talked about life, and about everything in it. And then we fell asleep on my bed four in the morning.

But the next day when I woke up Gerard was gone. Downstairs in the kitchen I found a note that said his old girlfriend had called him up and he was out with her. Also that he'd spend the rest of the day there. And that was it, no 'love' or 'xoxo'. Not even a 'Gerard' at the end.

In anger I kicked one of the kitchen chairs to the ground. I was a fool for ever believing Gerard was back. That he and I would be the brother's we once were. I was a fool for believing him when he said he loved me.

"I hate you Gerard" I whispered at the note before tearing it in pieces and leaving it on the kitchen floor to be found. I walked upstairs with black eyes and angry tears shining in them. "Never again" I whispered as I grabbed the razor from its position next to my bathroom mirror.

Nothing but hate for Gerard ran through my mind as I let the razor dig deep into my skin. Deeper then it had gone before, but not deep enough for me to be in any real danger. But deep enough for it to leave a nasty wound behind and deep enough for it to let the blood pour down onto the floor. With anger in my mind I walked into Gerard's room, razor still in my hand.

I let the razor run across my other wrist as I stepped into his dark and messy room. I dropped the razor on his floor and held my arms out, letting the blood from my wounds drip from my arms and down onto his floor, his books, his CD's and his movies. I don't know why I did it, but I was so angry I couldn't really grasp what I was doing.

I walked over to his window and let my hands make bloody impressions on the cool glass. I ran my hands upwards and let the blood smear. With a final cry I left his room and walked back into my bathroom. In there I stripped and got in the shower. I let the water be cold and shivered as it hit me.

In there I stayed, tears leaking from my eyes and icy water washing away blood from my cuts, for three hours until Gerard came home. The only thought in my head during that time was "I hate you Gerard Arthur Way". And I did, I hated him with every bone in my body, and I wished nothing upon him but harm.
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If We Hold On Together