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Only the Strong Survive	By : ChemicalMuse Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Kill Hannah Views: 845 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the celebrity I am writing about. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title: Only the Strong Survive
Pairing: Mat Devine/Dan Wiese
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Mat goes to band rehearsal and talks to Dan afterwards.

Mat woke up slowly, gingerly stretching his legs out under the covers. Jake was asleep on the other side of the bed, not pressed up against him, thank god. At least that’s one thing to be thankful for. After he fucks me he leaves me alone. Most of the time anyway. He got up slowly, wincing at the dull ache that seemed to throb through his body. Everything hurt. It hurt to move.

He went to the closet, slowly pulling out a t-shirt, sweatshirt and jeans. He'd either have to try to cover up the marks on his neck or wear some kind of scarf that might cover them. Shit. I don't know why I even bother. The guys'll see them sometime anyway. And they'll ask questions. Or worse, they won't ask questions, they'll just look at me like they pity me. The last fucking thing I want is their pity.

Mat stumbled into the bathroom, closing the door quietly and turning toward the shower. He turned on the water, adjusting the hot and cold until it was the right temperature, then stepped under the spray and stood there for what seemed like a very long time, but was probably no more than a few minutes. His thoughts ran rampant, but they all came back to the same thing.

Stuck. I'm stuck. I don't have anywhere to go. I can't go around begging my friends to take care of me. I'm 30 years old for fuck's sake. I'm not a kid. I got myself into this and I have to be the one to get myself out. If I even can. I don't know any more. Maybe this is what I'm meant for.

No dammit. NO. There's more to life than being with somebody who's gonna fucking abuse me. He says it's cause I piss him off and I make him do things to me. What a fucking crock. I don't make him do shit. He beats me and fucks me raw cause he wants to. Cause he gets off on it. Fucking sadist.

He sighed and turned off the water, stepping out of the shower. Picking up one of the fluffy towels in the linen closet, he started to dry himself off, wrinkling his nose as he looked at his naked body in the mirror. Even without all the bruises I don't look that great. Too fucking short and skinny. Hell maybe Jake is the best I can do. It's not like most guys even look at me.

Mat got into his clothes as quickly as he could, moving a little slowly because of the bruises. He frowned at his reflection, pushing his hair back. Hell even since I got it straightened it's a mess. He picked up one of the kohl eyeliner pencils by the sink and outlined his eyes, slashing a black mark across one cheek. He didn't usually wear that kind of makeup just for a rehearsal, but what the fuck. Today he felt like it.

Fuck it. It matches my bruises. His mouth twisted in a wry smile.

He left the apartment as silently as he could, closing the door softly behind him and locking it with a sigh of relief. He hadn't woken Jake up, and he was free for the rest of the day. Thank god. He walked toward the elevators, pressing the button to take him down to the lobby. He'd be late if he didn't hurry.

** *** **

When Mat arrived at the rehearsal space, the others were already there. Garret was pounding out a rhythm, the others standing around looking sleepy. Dan was the first to see him come in.

"Mat, this is the first time I've known you to be la-" Dan's voice cut off abruptly.

Mat looked over at him, confused. "What's wrong?"

"Your neck." Dan's voice was barely above a whisper.

Oh shit. Fuck fuck FUCK. He'd forgotten to wear a scarf. The purplish black bite marks and bruises were there for all to see.

"You look like you got into a really bad fight." Was it his imagination or did Greg sound angry?

"It's not a big deal guys. Really. Some things just got .... kinda crazy and Jake got a little carried away with the love bites, that's all." It even sounded lame to his own ears. Mat's hand went to his cheek, wishing he could hide the bruises on his face.

Dan stepped closer to him, raising one hand to his cheek, a worried look in his eyes. "Did he get carried away with hitting you, too?"

Mat blushed and looked away. "Yeah. He does that sometimes."

"Does it too much," Jon muttered.

"Mat .... you shouldn't put up with that." Dan still looked worried, his blue eyes focused on Mat.

"Leave the son of a bitch." Greg did sound angry. "Leave the fucker now. Just don't go back."

"I can't!" Mat shook his head, feeling the absurd urge to burst into tears. I can't fucking do that. Not in front of them. "I can't okay? Trust me on that."

"Why not?" Garret looked up from his drums. "It's not that hard to do. Just tell him you've had enough of him beating on you and walk out."

"I can't!" Mat was almost hysterical. He was breathing heavily, trying to hold back tears of frustration. "Look I don't wanna talk about it. Just forget it okay?"

"It's not that easy to forget." Dan's hand was on his shoulder. "Garret's right, you know. You should leave him."

"I can't Danny. I just can't." Mat shook his head, wiping a hand across his watery eyes. "Fuck, my eyeliner."

"Let me see." Dan tilted Mat's face up to his, wiping away a smudge at the corner of Mat's left eye. "It isn't messed up."

Mat tried to smile, desperately trying to think of anything to change the subject. "We've gotta get to work. We've got a show in a few days and it's gotta sound great okay?"

Dan nodded, stepping away from Mat. "All right." The others looked away, picking up their instruments.

Mat slung his guitar strap over his head, wincing as it settled over the bruises on his shoulder. That's gonna hurt all day. Fuck. He stepped up to his mic and closed his eyes, starting to play the first few notes of Black Poison Blood. He just wanted to lose himself in the music, at least for a while.

** *** **

Mat glanced at the window of the rehearsal space. It was already dark outside; it was one of the things he liked about winter. It got dark so early.

He jumped and whirled around when Dan came up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Mat? Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah sure Danny." Mat sighed and headed for the couch. The others had already left, and he'd assumed Dan had gone, too. But obviously there was something on the guitarist's mind. I bet I can guess what it is too.

Dan followed him to the couch, sitting down and turning towards Mat. "I meant what I said this morning. You don't have to put up with what Jake does to you. None of us want you to. You know that we'd gladly let you stay with any of us."

Mat shook his head, tears already forming behind his eyes. "I can't Danny. You don't fucking understand." The urge to break down and cry, to tell Dan about everything and sob in his arms, was almost overwhelming.

"Mat." Dan reached out to lay a gentle hand on Mat's cheek.

His hands are so soft. Mat's eyes met the other man's, and he couldn't help leaning a little into the hand stroking his cheek. His eyes closed, his body relaxing a little.

"You can't keep letting him do this to you. As long as he knows he can get away with it, it's only going to get worse." Dan frowned, shaking his head. "I don't want you to go back home tonight."

"Danny I .... I have to."

"Why? Because he'll hit you again if you don't?" Dan's normally calm, low voice was rising a little, but he didn't sound angry. He sounded .... panicked. "You'll end up in the hospital, Mat. Or worse. And I - we - couldn't bear that."

"He wouldn't go that far." Would he? How the fuck should I know? There's been a couple of times I thought he'd kill me. And more than a couple that I wanted to die. Not like I can tell Dan that though. He'd freak. Mat sighed, looking away. "I can't leave him Danny. If I leave him then I've got nobody."

"That's bullshit, Mat, and you know it. You have us. You have the band." Dan paused, his next words nearly a mumble. "And you wouldn't have to worry about being beaten to a pulp."

Mat turned back around, his eyes angry. "And I wouldn't have to worry about being raped every night either. Is that what you wanna hear Danny? Yeah. He fucks me and it's not sex. It's rape. It's been like that for a long time. But I can't leave. I can't." A little voice piped up in the back of his mind. You mean you won't.

"H-he .... he raped you?" Dan's lips were trembling, his face chalk-white. "Mat .... why didn't you tell us? We'd have gotten you out of there." His voice faltered, and he swallowed hard.

Oh shit. Now I've done it. Shouldn't have said anything. He didn't need to know that. Mat reached out and laid a hand on Dan's chest, feeling the other man's heart beat under his palm. "Danny it's okay. I'm used to it. I'll be alright. Look I shouldn't have said it. I'm fucking exaggerating okay? It's not that bad."

"I'm not letting you go back to him tonight." The words weren't a request. They were a statement.

Mat shook his head, sighing. "I don't have a choice. I've gotta go back. It'll just be worse if I don't."

"No. I'm going to call him and say you're sick. That you're staying with me tonight." Dan pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, looking over at Mat with one eyebrow raised. "What's his cell number?"

"Danny ...." Mat shook his head in frustration. "Don't."

"Give me his number, Mat." That quiet voice was steely with conviction. "You're not going home tonight. That's final. You're going to come home with me, and we're going to talk."

Mat bit his lip, not looking at Dan. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to face Jake and whatever the other man might - or might not - decided to do to him tonight. He was still sore from the night before, and the last thing he wanted was a repeat of the abuse he'd already suffered. The thought of being able to escape that, even for one night, wasn't something he wanted to push away.

He looked up, nodding. "Okay. Call him. Tell him I'm puking my guts up or whatever. Maybe that'll convince him." He gave Dan the cell number, then laid his head back against the couch cushion, closing his eyes. It's just one night but at least that's a night I don't have to be scared of him fucking me or beating me. Or more than likely both.

Dan's voice was soft in the quiet room. "Jake? This is Dan. Dan Wiese. I'm in Mat's band. He's not feeling well ...." The tall man nodded in response to something Jake had said on the other end of the line. "It's probably a virus or something. He's at my place. No, he can stay here tonight, that's fine. It's not a problem. He's been throwing up .... no, I doubt it's contagious. But if it is, then I'll probably be the one to get sick. No, I feel fine at the moment. Yes, I'll bring him home. Yes, of course, I'll wait until he's feeling better."

Mat looked over at Dan, unable to resist smiling. He sounds like he really means it. Wish I could be that convincing when I needed to be. He wasn't really paying attention to what Dan was saying. As long as it got him away from Jake for a night, he didn't care. It'll be worse when I do go home though. He'll end up fucking me six ways to Sunday. Mat shivered at the thought, wrapping his thin arms around himself.

Dan looked over at Mat, raising an eyebrow. "Yes, he can stay here as long as he needs to. I can certainly understand that it wouldn't be a good time for you to get sick. Of course, I'll look after him. You have nothing to worry about, Jake. I'm sure it's just a virus. A few days? Yes, that's fine. Shall I call you on Friday, then? All right. I'll call. You're welcome. Goodbye."

Dan clicked off the cell and slipped it back into his pocket. "He doesn't want you to come home if you're sick. Apparently, he can't afford to be sick at the moment, and he's worried that whatever you have is contagious." He scowled, brows drawing together. "He didn't even ask if you were all right. Or say that he was worried about you. He was only concerned with himself."

That's cause he doesn't love me Danny. I'm just a sex toy to him. Just a tight ass for him to fuck and a body for him to slap around. "It's okay. I didn't expect him to." Mat reached over to take Dan's hand in his. "Thanks Danny. I didn't really wanna go home."

Dan squeezed Mat's hand, reaching out to tuck a lock of the dark, blond-streaked hair behind Mat's ear. "No thanks needed. I didn't want you to go home to him." There was an ominious roll of thunder outside, making Dan look anxiously out of the window. "It looks like rain. Come on, let's get to the car."

Both young men rose from the couch and headed to the door of the studio, Mat pulling out his keys to lock it once they were outside. "Um .... I don't have any clothes at your place."

"Yes, you do. Remember? You left some things there when you were staying with me for a few days, right before you moved the last time." Dan laughed softly, shaking his head. "You never came to get them back. They're still in the chest of drawers where you left them."

"That's right .... man I forgot about that." Mat followed Dan out to his car, getting in when Dan unlocked the door and fastening the seat belt. "Let's just get to your place."

Dan nodded, starting the car and putting it in gear. He pulled out of the parking lot and into the downtown traffic, heading toward Evanston.

Mat leaned back, closing his eyes and letting himself relax. A few days. A blessed few days when he wouldn't be hit, or tied up and gagged, or fucked so hard he cried, or any of the things Jake loved to do to him. It was only a few days, but it was a reprieve. At least he'd be free for a while.

He looked over at Dan, who was concentrating on the road. "Danny?"

"Yes, Mat?"

"Thanks." You don't know how much this means to me, he added silently. I wish I could tell you everything so you'd know. But I can't.

Dan simply took Mat's hand in his, not letting go.

Mat didn't realize that he was clinging to the warmth and security of that hand as if Dan was a lifeline.

Thank you Danny. Thank you.
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Only the Strong Survive