Heaven Help Us | By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 926 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
A/N: Uh, thanks Gaby, for commenting! xD
I'm seriously mostly posting this for you now, because not many other people read it.
But that's fine.
I own Shannon, I totally do! xD
3.
Either you fit in, or you don't. At college that's all there is to it. I fit in great, but Shannon didn't. I found a group of friends to hang with, Shannon didn't. After one week at school I had a huge group of friends, Shannon hadn't. She had me, but no one else. It was hard to say why, since she and I were so much alike. We both listened to the same kind of music (rock etc.) and wore the same type of clothes. The only difference was that she had blonde hair and I black (dyed).
Somehow though, that mattered a lot. And she was… not fat, but well built. But she was the most beautiful girl around; her face was just to die for. But guys didn't care about that. And she always came on a bit strong when she had a date. I always told her to hold back a little, but she never really listened. It was a shame, she really deserved someone. But she was so lonely, so she always seemed more desperate then she really was.
The other girls didn't like her either, since she didn't like going to parties. I tried to include her, but it was hard. Maybe I should've told the others I'd rather be with Shannon, but I didn't.
+
After a month in college I felt so bad for always leaving Shannon behind I asked her to go to New York with me, for the weekend, just her and I. Of course she accepted and so it was decided. Nothing could go wrong on our trip to New York.
Early that Friday morning we packed our things into a car I borrowed from David, one of the guys in my 'gang' and we started our journey. She drove since she was the only one with a license and that was fine by me, I was planning on sleeping the whole way. But of course she wouldn't allow it, I had to entertain her. So I did.
"I spy with my little eye… something black" I said and ran a hand through my damp hair. It was damp because of the intense heat. Sure it was late august but it was still hot as hell (no pun intended) and having our windows completely down didn't really do any good.
"I don't care!" She said and pouted, which made me laugh. She was really bad at this game, and the other car-games we had played.
"Are we there yet?" I whined and she sighed loudly.
"Just another few hours" She said and I nodded slowly, before returning my gaze outside. You could see how hot it was, not that I know how, but you really could. I frowned before I took another zip of the water bottle I had in my lap.
+
Finally we had arrived to New York, tired and sticky with sweat. We checked into one of the nicer hotels and I threw myself on my bed and shrieked a little. Shannon laughed and threw a pillow from her bed on me which made me laugh as well.
"I can't believe we're in New York" I said as I sat up and she smiled widely and nodded.
"I can't believe you wanted to go with me" She said and looked away, and instantly I felt guilty.
"Shan, I love you, I'm sorry I haven't been spending so much time with you in school" I tried to explain as I got up from my bed and walked over to hers, sitting down next to her. She bit her lower lip and nodded.
"Come here you" I said and pulled her into a friendly hug, which made her squeal.
"Okay, I love you too JennJenn" She said and then begged me to let her go since she couldn't breathe. I just laughed and hugged her even harder. Within minutes we were in the middle of a pillow fight/wrestling match on her bed. We were both shrieking with laughter and both of us were kind of sweaty, since even in New York it was extremely hot weather.
"Lets push our beds together Jay" She said when we were both lying on the floor, ten minutes later panting like crazy. I nodded and we got up and did as she suggested. This was our weekend away to renew our friendship, and to promise each other to never be apart as much as we had. I promised her I'd dump the gang if they didn't accept hers and mine friendship. I knew I should've done it from the start, and I felt stupid, but at least I was going to do the right thing now.
I knew dad would be proud of me; Gerard at least. Well I guess Frank would've been proud of me too, if only he were there. Dad didn't know, but I thought about Frank all the time. I had nightmares about him, and more often then not did I have to sleep in Shannon's bed after that.
If it wasn't for the pictures I probably wouldn't remember what he looked like though, and that scared me. I was eight when he left, and I should've had more memories. But I really didn't. I could remember bits and pieces here and there, but nothing special. Nothing he used to call me, or anything special we did. I knew he was the one who had taught me how to play the guitar, but only because dad told me so.
In my head I didn't even think of him as 'dad' anymore. I knew dad was still hoping Frank would be back, but I knew better. It had been ten years. For ten freaking years me and dad had needed him, my dad the most, but he hadn't come back like he promised to. Of course Ellie's death was hard on him, but it was hardest for me, and I would've needed him. I still needed him. Sure I had dad, and he was amazing, beyond imagination… but I needed Frank.
+
That night I had another nightmare, and Shannon had to wake a crying me up. She shushed me then spooned me, and held me as I cried. I felt bad for her having to do that sometimes, but I couldn't help it. My dreams mostly consisted of Frank telling an eight year old me that I was the reason he left. That he couldn't stand me, so he gave Gerard up just because I was so terrible. Of course I knew it wasn't true, but my dreams always felt so real and I couldn't help but scream and cry.
Sometimes though I dreamt that he came back, but told dad he had to never see me again or he'd leave again. And in my dreams dad always picked Frank. And why that dream scared me so much was because I knew that if Frank asked dad to pick, dad would pick Frank over me.
There was no doubt about the fact that dad loved me, no doubt at all, I was his everything, but only after Frank left. My dad loved Frank beyond imagination, he always had, since they were teenagers. My dad had planned to spend the rest of his life with Frank, to never leave his side and to grow old with him. No matter how much he loved me, he would always love Frank more, because Frank was his everything. I spent ten years trying to be Frank, but of course I couldn't. Not matter how much I tried I could never make dad smile the way Frank could.
I could never make him look at me with the same glittering in his eyes, or with the same complete happiness in his eyes. That made me sad sometimes, but still I knew he loved me so much he could explode, even if I always came second to Frank. I didn't care though, Frank was gone and he would never come back. It would just be me and dad until the end of days.
My dad would never get his fairytale ending, and it broke my heart thinking about it. I would do anything to make my dad as happy as he was when Frank was with him. Anything.
A/N: R&R
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