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Boku no Inbai, Boku no Kodoku.	By : Semichan Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1403 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Title : Boku no Inbai, Boku no Kodoku.
Author : Semichan
Pairing (s) : Toshiya x Shinya

A/N : Third chapter ! This one's concentrating on Shin and Totch 's relationship a lot. And it's X-mas ! ^o^ (Why do I look happy ? I don't even like Christmas ! XD)

Chapter~3

Ok, I slept with my best friend; um no, I had some too intimates moments with my best friend last night and it was the last thing I should have been doing but you know what ? I'm happy.
And I don't regret a single damn thing. We had a good time and I even did a good action. I helped a man to find out if he was going for girls or guys . How nice of me, I know.
So, Kyo's definitely homosexual, he's sure of it and can't wait to find a boyfriend. And no, I'm not gonna play the bed buddy when he's single. We agreed not to do that or more than that ever, cause we wanna stay real friends. Besides, neither of us really wanted to have sex with the other, it's just that the occasion was good and well, it just happened. Like that. Friends with benefits isn't really my thing anyway.

I know, that sounds a bit weird. Shinya kinda is the image of what a friend with benefits could be for me, but he isn't really. If I have to situate him now, well… He would be my boyfriend, so.
- What are you thinking of ? Kyo asks and take a little sip of his coffee, looking at me with quite questioning eyes.
- Huh ? Um… Just collecting some thoughts. I wave a hand in the air with a smile. I can't explain him I was actually reorganizing my whole life and placing everybody in its place, and in order.
He nods and crosses his legs, bringing his attention back to the TV once more.
- I didn't know you liked cartoons.
- I don't really like. He shakes his head, letting out a light chuckle.
- What ? I giggle, turning to him.
- I'm just happy being with you on the couch, that's all. My friend shrugs his shoulder with an innocent air, making me smile widely.
- That is so sappy, Kyo.
- I know. He laughs. I didn't mean it to sound that way though, sorry !
- I know. I nod. Thanks, however.
- For what I said ?
- Yep. That means a lot.
- Isn't this sappy also ? He snickers and I push him a bit.
- This is; but well, I thought it wasn't inappropriate since the mood was kinda passionate right now. I answer ironically and he laughs some more, getting in a more comfortable position on the couch. This feels so refreshing for once. Just mess around like that…
- Thanks anyway.
I stare at him in silence for a while, raising a brow when he doesn't add anything. I nudge his arm gently to make him understand I didn't get why he just said that and he turns his head to look at me, seemingly surprised.
- What ? He mumbles.
- Why are you thanking me ?
- Oh ! He lets out, realizing. Just for everything. Yesterday, tonight…
A short silence takes place and he suddenly flushes, taking word again.
- Um, I wasn't meaning the… You know…
- I understood. I say with a smile, nodding.
He smiles too and lowers his head a bit, finishing his drink and putting the empty mug on the coffee table.
- So… You're coming back to the campus today ?
- I think I will. Probably in the afternoon if you don't mind me staying a bit more.
- Do as you like ! Now everything's clearer between us you can come here whenever you want I don't mind, really. I answer in all honesty, getting up and stretching a bit.
- Good to know that. He looks up at me, his smile widening. I'll probably come to see you during holidays if you're Ok ? It'll be Christmas in few days.
- That'd be nice, yes . Well, um…I'm gonna take a shower now. I say as I start walking out of the living, earning a small but firm nod from my friend, who concentrates on the TV once more.

~

- Where are you ?
- In the subway.
- Which line ? I sigh as I continue walking, holding my cell phone a bit tighter.
- Chuo; but I think I just, um… Passed by the Washington Hotel here…
- What ?! But damn Shinya, that was the last stop at Shinjuku ! I growl and roll my eyes.
- I was right then ! I should have taken the other ! I never remember what stop I must take with that line !
- What "the other" ? I frown. There's more than 2 different railways in that town Shin… And excuse me but "Shinjuku" is not that hard to remember for a stop…
We're not gonna succeed on anything if he keeps on contradicting me like that. First he forces me out of bed at fucking 8 eight in the morning on a Sunday, and now he's yelling at me cause he didn't take the good subway line !
- Next time I'll just take Yamanote and I'll be on time !
- On time ? I chuckle. We never agreed on a precise hour to meet; I didn't even know he was coming here anyway.
- Anyhow, at least I would have been with you sooner and like they say in the brochure I would have had "a good and beautiful view of the whole town" also.
- You don't wanna watch the scenery at 8 in the morning Shinya, you're not gonna make me believe that.
- Of course I don't want to ! But now what ? I'm gonna be more than late !
I now hear a hint of sadness in his voice and I know he's pouting. I smile a little and offer him another thing.
- Well, um… Do you think you can manage coming to Shinjuku's station ?
- Shinjuku's station ?
- Yeah ! I shrug my shoulders.
- You're kidding or what ?
- No. I frown at his response.
- I'm not gonna redo the same trip again just to come to Shinjuku !
- You're already late, an hour or two more in the subway won't hurt you. I laugh a bit, all the while knowing I'm probably just making even angrier by saying such things but well.
- If I wasn't that late maybe but you damn know I can't find the way out of this stupid station anyway !
- It's not that hard, come on … I answer, perfectly knowing it ain't true at all but well.
- "Not that hard" ?? Sixty-three fucking exits and entrances Toshiya ! He sighs.
- It's not that numerous. I laugh.
- Spread out on god knows how many floors ! He continues, sounding a bit angry now.
- Don't scream like that… I chuckle. What about the poor persons that are sitting by your side ?
- They're all sleeping and they don't care, believe me.
- Aah… I sigh out loud and throw my head back a little. I stop walking for a second and put my free hand on my hip, thinking of the better thing to do.
- So, what do we do ? He asks.
- I don't know !
- Ok, um… I'll stop at Shibuya, is it ok with you ?
- Shibuya ?? I widen my eyes. I'm not going to walk to Shibuya Shin !
- You baka ! Just take the subway ! It's one of the closest district to yours and my next stop apparently anyway.
- You know the Shinjuku station has sixty-three fucking exits and entrances ?! I repeat his words ironically, earning a sarcastic chuckle from him.
- Very funny…
- I don't feel like going there Shinya, please… I pout a little. I'm tired !
- Don't you think I'm tired ? I took the Shinkansen from Osaka to Tokyo then this damn subway line that isn't the good one; hence why I'm still alone right now; just to see my stupid boyfriend that doesn't even wanna take a quick walk to the Shinjuku station because he's too fucking lazy !
This time I scowl, barely able to suppress a "Huh?". Damn, he must be pretty angry.
- Ok, I'm walking to the station then… I roll my eyes half heartedly, starting walking again.
- Wait um, either I'm stopping at Meijijingumae or Omotesando finally.
- At the Harajuku station ? I roll my eyes.
- Yes the Harajuku station; and stop making that face you make when you're annoyed please, I know you're doing it. There must be one or two stops before Harajuku but don't complain love, it's closer to your district than Shibuya ! He finishes ironically and I can't help but sigh.
- That doesn't change anything if I take the subway now Shin…
- You'll earn a few minutes, and hey, it's more interesting meeting at Harajuku than some random station between Shinjuku and ..; Well, whatever.
- Anyway, you come to Shinjuku or do I have to come to Harajuku in fact ?
- Oh, how sweet to offer me to come to Harajuku ! He says a bit sarcastically. You're coming, I'm bored of watching the panorama in silence and all alone.
- Ok, ok, I'm coming. I sigh once more and start walking a bit faster, heading to the Shinjuku station, quite reluctantly though.

- Really, you could have chosen another place than this one ! I say with annoyance, readjusting one of Shinya's bags on my shoulder not to let it fall to the ground.
- Sorry but it's not my fault if there's a lot of people here the week end Totchi…
- Not just people; teenagers ! That's worst.
- Stop complaining for a second, we're still in that category of people, remember? He raises a brow as he looks at me.
- Except for the fact they aren't prostituting themselves we're more or less like them, yeah… I answer and he elbows me bit, showing his embarrassment.
- Don't say that in public…
- Sorry.
- That can sound a bit weird you know… For other people… Shinya shyly says, looking around us a bit to see if somebody paid attention to my comment or not.
Of course with all that noise and the incredible mass of persons here nobody can really make out what we're talking about but well; I must admit this wasn't a very smart sentence nevertheless.
We walk a few meters in utter silence and Shinya suddenly stops, putting his hands on his hips. I stop also and arch a brow questioningly.
- What are you doing ?
- I'm wondering…
- About what ?
- Can we go to Ginza ?
- Shinya… I sigh and put his bag on the ground. You said you wanted to go to the park !
- But I really want to do a bit of shopping… He looks at me with a pout, making me roll my eyes.
- On a Sunday ? Come on, there's no many shops open today… We can go tomorrow !
- It's almost Christmas, a lot of shops do are open today !
I sigh with annoyance and he shrugs his shoulders in defeat, starting walking again. I put his bag back on my left shoulder and follow him in silence, trying to find a normal and somehow happy conversation to start off.
- So, we're going to Yoyogi ?
- Um, yes… Yes. I nod to myself.
- Beware, there will be a lot of teenagers there ! He says with a smile, offering me his left hand.
- I know. I fake-sigh and take his hand in mine, entwining my fingers with his.
We continue walking a few seconds without saying anything and I suddenly take word, not able to keep my question inside any longer.
- Ne…
- What ?
- You're bold today. I squeeze his hand gently to emphasize my words.
- Well… He lowers his glance a bit with an uneasy little smile. I don't think people will realize I am…
- True you don't really look like a man today ! I stop and take a step back to look at him from head to toes a few seconds.
- That's embarrassing Toshiya… He blushes a little and forces me to follow him by pulling at my arm a bit.
- Says the boy wearing a mini skirt and boots…
- You dress up like that sometimes too…
- Not when I go out, just when I need some money. I laugh.
He sighs and throw his head back , smiling a little though.

- It's damn cold out here ! Don't you wanna come home, drink something hot and just watch TV ? That bench is hurting my ass.
- You can't stop complaining for a second, eh ? Shinya hands me the cola bottle he just bought
- I don't like cola.
- You love cola Totchi. He put the bottle in one of my hands.
- I said I was cold and what ? You're proposing me the coldest drink ever !
- You're really one unsatisfied person. He shakes his head and takes his bottle back.
- Gimme that cola. I finally change my opinion and steal him the bottle.
He looks surprised for a second but doesn't add anything and folds his arms on his chest, crossing his legs at the same time.
- I still think it'll be nicer if we were enveloped in a blanket on my couch but well. I tilt my head to the side a bit.
- It'll be nicer in your bed, actually.
- A bit naughty today, aren't we ?
- Naughty ? He blinks. I never mentioned anything sexual ! He adds with a smirk and looks elsewhere.
- You just did ! I chuckle.
- I just said I like sleeping in your bed…
- You must admit it's better when we actually aren't sleeping.
- Who said I was the naughty one ? He giggles.
- It wasn't naughty… It's just true. I reach out to bring a hand to his chin to make him look at me. I love having sex with you. I whisper, deposing a small kiss on his lips.
He blushes a tad bit but manage to smile through his embarrassment. After a short while of hesitation he looks up at me and kisses me also, briefly.
- Thanks. He then mutters and I can't help but let out a chuckle.
- "Thanks" ?
- I didn't know what to respond to that. He laughs.
- Well, I don't know… You could have come up with something like "Me too", what do you think ?
- You perfectly know I don't need to say it. He pushes me a bit.
- I actually don't really know if that's the fact you're with me that is making you scream or just the fact you're a sex addict, Shin ! I say, earning a slap on my thigh from my friend.
- I can say the same thing for you !
- No, I'm not a sex addict ! I laugh.
- How many persons did you sleep with this month ?
- Uh…
- Save for work, of course… He rolls his eyes.
- Three. I mumble.
He widens his eyes.
- Me included ?
- Yeah. I mutter, feeling awkward all of sudden. And you ? I decide to ask nonetheless.
- You really wanna know ?
- Yes…?
- One.
- Huh ?
- You. He nods towards me.
- What ?? I say quite loudly.
It's not that I'm really surprised, but I feel quite stupid admitting I've somehow been cheating on him even if he does know we aren't really a normal couple.
- So you slept with 2 other persons …? Who ? Shinya asks looking down, playing with his fingers a bit.
- Don't take it seriously Shin… I sigh. The first one wasn't really … It actually happened during work but somehow it turned out differently…
- What ? He turns to look at me, a scowl on his face.
- This is a bit complicated. I admit. Let's say I just met someone … Nice, for once.
- Oh. He nods feebly. And the second person ?
- The seco… Um… You're not going to like it but it was… My best friend.
- Your best friend ? This time he sounds a bit disgusted. You had sex with your best friend Totchi ?
- No, no… We just… Touched a little bit…
He stays silent for a while, seemingly deep in thoughts.
- He wanted to know if he was gay or not and…
- And you helped him out finding the response of course. He cuts me off, sounding quite bitter.
- You're not gonna make a scene just because I jerked my best friend off Shin, please… I sigh.
He sighs too and crosses his arms.
- You know I didn't do that to bother you…I wouldn't be explaining you the whole thing like that if I 'd been planning on cheating on you.
- I know. He rolls his eyes. It's weird really… But lately I…I need to know I have someone I can count on next to me. I need to feel you close. He looks up at me rather shyly.
I stay looking back at him in silence for a while, not able to stop the words to repeat in my head over and over. 'Could he be in love …with me ?'
- Come here. I finally speak, offering him my arms.
He shifts a bit on the bench and hugs me tight, letting out a small discreet sigh. 'I think it's clear this time, Toshiya…You're definitely dead. '

So, we didn't stay long in Yoyogi Park and took the subway back to Shinjuku to my apartment. Weirdly enough Shinya didn't ask me to get him laid yet. Maybe he took the 'I slept with two other persons' thing bad. If this is it, I really am done. I don't need someone to love me. Not like that.

I really love Shinya dearly, deeply, whatever… I just don't want him to be deceived. Cause I know I undeniably will deceive him one day or another if he's planning on counting on me blindly. Why did he have to say he needed someone to count on just now ? If there's someone he can't count on these moments that's certainly me, I'm currently thinking of everything but him. I'm always thinking of someone else than him, actually.

I know, that sounds harsh, but that doesn't mean I don't think of him at all, of course. Like I said I truly love Shinya, and I absolutely like to spend time with him… It's just that somehow, one miserable night in 19 years of life changed all my opinions and way of thinking. Why ? I don't even know. I spent one night with one random guy and I can't resolve to get him out of my head.
This is it. Unreachable always is the more attractive. It's a weird but true fact. And sadly that's making a mess of my life, presently. I tried to hide it; to Kyo mostly, since he's the only person who really frequents me; but I did looked for Kaoru in our college. A little bit. I walked in the hallways I usually don't go to, I looked around me more carefully… Like some desperately in love schoolgirl actually. How funny.

I'm not in love, obviously, you don't fall in love because of a good and satisfying night of sex… And a morning too…Anyway, I just would like to see him again. I stay persuaded it could make me happier. If he really is the person he seems to be of course. Cause you don't learn anything about someone in, actually, one night.

- You're staying for how long ? I ask my friend who's doing god knows what in the kitchen.
- How long do you want me to stay ?
Fuck.
- Ur… I widen my eyes as I try to find a proper answer to that. Damn, what's that stupid little game ?
As I remain silent I hear footsteps coming nearer to the living and frown, still trying to find a correct response.
Shinya arrives in the door frame and stops, crossing his arms on his chest.
- I suppose it'll be…Good if you can at least stay until the both of us had, um… An orgasm ? I burble and hold back a laugh at the wonderful sentence I just let out.
- Means I can go in 20 minutes or so that's it ? He smiles.
- 50 minutes rather. I tilt my head to the side a bit.
- That's mean Totchi. He shakes his head still smiling, coming to the couch.
- You know I'm just joking. I offer him my arms and he comes to straddle my lap, passing his arms around my neck.
- Can I stay for a little while ? He asks with pouty lips, face a few inches from me only.
- You wanna stay for Christmas ?
- If you're ok with it ? He bites his lower lip.
- Of course you can stay. I give him a quick peck and smile.
- Thank you! He smiles widely and holds me to him tight.
As surprised as I am by his reaction I set my arms around him and hold him also. He really needs a bit of warmth these moments, apparently.
- We need to do a bit of shopping before Christmas though. He pulls away from me to look at me in the eyes.
- Huh ? I frown. Why ?
- You don't even have a christmas tree !
- A christmas tree ?! I exclaim without realizing. 'I don't need a christmas tree !'
- Yeah ! He suddenly stands up. It's sad a christmas without any illuminations, tree and other stuff !
Damn it, Shinya's a Christmas lover.
- Urr… Well… I shrug my shoulders and look down, not knowing what to say anymore.
- You're not ok with it ?
- Well, um…
- It's because of money ?
- Huh ? I scowl.
- Maybe you don't want to… You know… Spend all your money on that. He says a bit hesitantly.
No, really, that's not a cash problem, I just hate Christmas to death.
- No, no… I shake my head and fold my arms over my chest slowly.
- Ok, I'll tell you what. He sits down next to me and puts a hand on my left thigh. I'm ok to work every night until Christmas Eve to bring everything I can, ok ?
- No, you're not gonna do that. I shake my head again.
- Why ? He frowns.
- We can buy a bit of stuff with the cash we have already, and I don't want you to be out at night for Christmas Eve Shin…
Ok, that sounds sappy, but I really don't want him to do that. If he loves this event that much no way he's gonna spend it selling his body in Shinjuku…
- But--
- If we don't have enough money I'll do it, not you, ok ?
- But… He mumbles again, looking down.
- I haven't been doing it since more than 2 weeks anyway. I shrug my shoulders and stand up from the couch, stretching a little.
- And so what ? That's not something obligatory Toshiya ! He gets up also, looking at me with kind of disbelief in his eyes. I'll do it, I'm more accustomed to it than you. He puts a hand on one of my shoulders.
- And I'm older than you Shinya…
- Just one year older ! He sighs.
- I'm so used to it by now you can't imagine. I shake my head a bit. It's not because you started earlier that I can't handle it.
- I know… He rolls his eyes. I 'm just trying to find a constructive reason to force you to stay home, don't you see ? He then admits and I raise a brow.
Hell, no, I didn't even get it. 'Wait…Does that mean that he… Wants to protect me or something ?' I suddenly scream mentally. This is not going to be like that. He's the submissive one here, I'm supposed to be the male one so no way I'm gonna accept that. I'm far too proud to accept being covered anyway.
- Really ? I just let out then, starting walking out of the living to my bedroom.
- I don't like the fact I know you're doing that Totchi… He says as he follows me.
- I don't like that either ! For me or for you… I answer a bit edgily, not looking behind me. I silently enter my bedroom and he does so too, coming to grasp my waist before I could sit on my bed.
- Wait Totchi…!
He somehow forces me back and holds me quite tight once more, restraining me from doing much of anything. I sigh audibly, though half heartedly. I really don't like how things are going on today though. I first thought I was the one going crazy, but seems that what I'd rather call my "bed buddy" more than my "lover" do wants to have a well defined status in my life. Please let it be everything but that. I don't want a real boyfriend. I'm happy with seeing him two days per month for the rest of my life !
- Toshiya… Shinya suddenly whispers and I stay silent, waiting for him to follow.
He holds me even tighter and buries his face in my back, sighing quite heavily.
- You ok ? I eventually ask, looking over my shoulder a bit but not seeing much of anything.
He nods his head twice against my back, remaining utterly silent now.
I decide bringing my hands on his that are firmly enlaced on my belly and I feel him moving a little, one of his hands coming to find mines.
- What's the matter Shinya ? I ask lowly as I have the feeling something isn't quite right, all the while fearing a bit what's gonna happen next.
- I think I've got a little problem. He mutters and I frown.
- A problem ? I whisper.
He nods again.
- What ?
- Can you turn around ? He asks all of a sudden, releasing my waist.
I do so and he then takes me in his arms once more, a bit more shyly this time though.
- What's wrong ? I ask gently and bring my arms around him also. This feels a bit weird but well.
- I don't know how to explain.
I arch a brow questioningly.
- I don't know how to tell you, to be honest.
- You don't know how tell me ? I frown and stiffen a little now. I absolutely don't like that.
- Yep. He nods once more, looking uncomfortable at this point.
I remain silent for a quite long while then, not knowing what to do or say right now. I can't force him to speak if he doesn't want to…And I'm not gonna try to find what he's trying to say for hours either.
- Ne, come to the bed. He suddenly takes word and grab one of my hands, guiding me to my bed. We sit on it and stay silent for a second or two; and he reaches out to kiss me on the lips. I'm slightly surprised another time but close my eyes and respond to the kiss.
He pulls back not long after and looks at me somewhat uneasily, smiling a bit.
- That didn't really help me… He mumbles to himself and lowers his head.
- What ? I chuckle a bit awkwardly and frown once more.
- I still don't know what to do. He shakes his head with a small nervous smile.
Now I understand this 'problem' obviously have some kind of link with me and I scream internally another time. This all seems to lead where I don't want it to go to…
- Lie down. He suddenly says and puts both hands on my torso to emphasize his words.
- Well, um… Ok. I obey and lie on my back.
Shinya shifts on the bed and comes to straddle me, laying his upper half on my chest.
- I've the feeling we're going to have a great talk here …
- Shut up and kiss me. He smiles.
I let out a feeble chuckle and comply again, placing a hand behind his neck and crushing my lips on his. He moans faintly and immediately darts out his tongue, licking my lower lip. I slowly open my mouth and let our tongues meet, moaning slightly at the feeling. We kiss for a while and his hands descend to the hem of my shirt. I slowly break off our kiss and let him remove it. I don't make a move to remove his clothes though and come back to kiss him, resting my hands on his hips this time. That doesn't seem to please him though as he brings his own hands to mines and grab them, placing them under his skirt. I smile a bit in our kiss and start to caress his thighs leisurely, earning a few shy and soft groans from him.
- I want you… Shinya suddenly speaks, his hands awkwardly coming to my pants as he does.
I give him a quick kiss on the lips as an answer and grab his panties, pulling them down as much as I can while he takes care of unzipping my jeans.
- You never liked to wait, ne ? I ask with a smile, bringing my hands back to his hips.
- It's just a bad habit. He smiles too, releasing my pants; I suppose. He then adds, tilting his head to the side slightly.
- I know that too. I smile somehow apologetically this time, reaching out to kiss him another time. I get why he answered that of course, I didn't even need to ask basically but well.
We stay kissing without doing much of anything for a while but soon I feel his hand on my length and I groan, unwillingly gripping his hips a bit tighter. He then shifts and positions himself at the right place; guiding my shaft to his entrance. He instantaneously starts to lower himself on me, not being the least bit awkward with his movements. He lets out a mix of a sigh and a moan as he takes all of my member into him, breaking our kiss at the same time.
I moan a bit too and encircle his waist with my arms.
- I don’t get why I still love having sex with you so much… Shinya breaths, eyes half lidded; making small, slow motions with his hips.
- How am I supposed to take that ? I grin, stroking his back a little.
- That's a compliment. He smiles and kisses me briefly. You should be happy knowing I still love having sex with you as much as I was doing at the beginning of our relationship… He says as he starts rising and sinking on me at a rather slow pace, closing his eyes.
This time I hesitate on indeed feel happy ;or feel afraid. Ok, this is good to know that, but damn, the word 'relationship' doesn't really please me.
I try not to think about that for the moment though, I must admit that would be pretty stupid to spoil what still is an agreeable happening ;moreover with a person I love ; just because of such trivial things. I'm a way too thoughtful person, really.
- We don't know each other since a long time you know… I state a bit jokingly, earning a slight pout from him.
- Which doesn't mean we didn't have sex frequently. He responds and I chuckle, pecking him on the lips.
- That's right.
Shinya smiles and reaches down to kiss me another time, visibly pouring more passion into it now. I kiss back as feverishly as he does so, starting bucking my hips up slightly to meet his movements. He groans and pushes his hips down on my length a bit harder as a response, his left hand grabbing my forearm that was settled around his waist until then and forcing me to put it on the bed. He then blindly looks for my hand with his and intertwines our fingers. As he seems to loose his balance a bit because of the lack of support of his hands now I release his waist with my other arm and reach to grab his right hand, enlacing his fingers with mines also. Shinya then shifts a bit and brings both my hands on each side of my head, holding them tightly and starting moving less choppily on top of me, even speeding his pace up a little.
- Toshiya … He moans and let his head hang down for a second, biting his lower lip.
I groan too and try pushing into him harder, immediately knowing what I'd found when my friend lets out a louder whine, clutching my hands even more tightly. I keep my hips angled that way as best as I can to continue brushing my cock over that spot, knowing that'll be the only way to make him reach his peak here anyway.
- Totchi ! This time he throws his head back a little, starting to pant.
He was right earlier, despite the fact I made him wonder a little; It's really amazing seeing how much of a connection we create when we have sex. It's pretty weird; as far as I remember we've always been feeling pleasure when we made love, since the very beginning. I mean we somewhat always knew what the other wanted, needed, or felt even. At least I do. I always know when he's horny, needy, what he likes best and what he dislikes, when he's close… Even if he never tells me or doesn't even show it. I suppose it's the same thing for him, cause he, in actual fact, never did anything I've been disappointed of.
Not sexually speaking; I mean he never asked me anything when I wasn't in the mood, though I never told him I was feeling bad and such. That still surprises me. Each time Shinya wants to have sex, I'm ok with it.
- What are you thinking of …? My friend suddenly asks in a pant, taking me out of my thoughts.
- Nothing. I mumble and kiss him again.
He kisses back and doesn't ask any more questions, keeping on pushing his hips down on me as fast and yet as precisely as he can, moaning and whimpering more and more as minutes pass by.
- Uhn…Toshiya…! He breaks off our kiss and bites his lower lip once more, eyes shut.
I know he's close by now and so try concentrating on lasting a bit longer than him and if possible come more or less with him. Of course that will most likely not happen but still, we're relatively analogous on that side too and I don't remember one of us climaxing and the other not.
I call his name a few times and he moans even more in response, soon bending down a little to mesh his lips with mines another time. I let out some muffled groans and whimpers into his mouth as I feel my peak drawing nearer and nearer as seconds pass by; holding his hands so tight and digging my nails in them so hard I'm sure I'll leave some marks.
- I'm gonna come Shin…! I pant throwing my head back and he moans again, his hip's movements becoming slightly uneven as he apparently has a hard time keeping the same rhythm now.
- God, Totchi… He whimpers and I reach out to lock our lips once more.
He kisses back for a few seconds and suddenly pulls away, letting out an especially loud groan.
- I… I love you ! Shinya says as he comes, almost instantaneously falling onto me as he does, still keeping on moving his hips as best as he can to make me follow.
I almost unconsciously do and come within him a few seconds later, releasing his hands and bringing both of my arms around his shoulders, holding him tight.
He remains silent and still in my arms, panting hard. I, on my side, don't know what to do, even unable to lock my eyes on something. I'm lost. Terribly lost. Completely stumped.
I try lessening my quite heavy pants also and keep on holding Shinya ever so tightly, somehow wanting to stay like that with him, not to have to face him. I can't believe he said that. I can't believe he said it. 'So that was it ? That thing he didn't know how to tell me …? '
- Toshiya…?
I stiffen.
- What ? I whisper.
- Can we lie on the bed ? He asks feebly and I nod, releasing him slowly and letting him lie on the bed next to me.
I shift to be more comfortable and awkwardly glance at him, still not knowing what to say. 'Damn it Toshiya, you're 19; don't act like you're 12... That's not like he told you he was going to die…'
- Ne, Shinya… I shyly say, gesturing for him to come closer to me.
He blinks a little but do so and nuzzles against me a bit, hesitantly bringing his left arm around my waist. He suddenly looks down and grimaces, instantly removing his arm.
- You have a bit of semen on your abs… He mumbles and looks at his own self, realising he has quite a lot of sperm on his shirt also.
- Yeah I know. I answer somehow carelessly, looking elsewhere.
- I'm gonna take a shower. He comes into a sitting position and gets up, walking to the door of my bedroom in silence.
I first think of telling him to stay, to speak a bit maybe, but I know I won't find anything convincing to say. Cause I absolutely can't give him a response to that. I shake my head slightly, feeling weak. How stupid I am…

~

- Your boyfriend told you he loved you ? That's great !
- No that's not. I answer firmly and take a bite of my sandwich, looking at everything but my friend sitting next to me on the bench.
- Why ? Kyo blinks in incomprehension.
- Aah… I sigh. That's too weird to explain; really you won't understand. I know the logical thing would be me being so happy cause my boyfriend said he loved me for real and all but somehow… that's making me all but happy.
- You're indeed very weird Totchi.
- I thought I already explained you how I was seeing my relationship with Shinya before ?
- Yeah you did but… You introduced him as your boyfriend so I thought…
- Well I shouldn't have. I sleep with Shinya, I love him a lot and it's one of the rare person I can spend time with without getting angry sooner or later but… I don't love him that way. I shake my head a bit sorrowfully, feeling really mean telling such things. After a whole year I still can't define my love for Shinya precisely. I'm not able to situate it.
- You know what ?
- What ? I turn to him.
- Tell him you love him back.
- What ? I frown hard.
- Really Toshiya, that guy told you he loved you like an entire year after you two hooked up, means he waited a bit to be sure of his feelings; so just tell him you do too and wait to see if you can love him back that way. But at least in the mean time everybody would be happy.
I stay reconsidering Kyo's words for a short while and sigh.
- I don't know Kyo.
- Why ? It's simple : Just come back home, take your lovely boyfriend in your arms and tell him you love him !
- I can't anymore, it's too late… I sigh again.
- Why ? When did that happen?
- Two days ago.
- Oh. My friend seems a bit surprised now.
- And really, that's not easy… He told me that just when we were making love…
- Really ?
- Really. Just when he came. So needless to tell you I was so taken aback I didn't say anything then.
- Well…
- You know; he would have been saying this in another context, just like that, I probably would have answered 'me too' even if I know I would have been shocked nonetheless. But here, just when we both had an orgasm it was too unexpected.
- I can figure that out, yeah… He finally admits, cocking his head to the side a bit.
A little silence takes place and I use it to take another bite of my sandwich, looking at the mass of people walking back and forth in the streets all around me. Tokyo maybe is crowded usually, but 3 days before christmas, it's even worst, really.
- So… What're you gonna do ?
- Dunno. I shrug my shoulders. I'll come back home… And if he's there then maybe I'll try telling him I love him, yeah. I finally decide, nodding to myself.
- Yes ?
- I'll see. I repeat, turning my head to him once more. And you, still single ? I smirk.
- Yep. He looks down. But that doesn't mean I'm sad.
- Of course not ! I giggle.
- I always thought that being single… Well… Everybody seems to be thinking love is the most important thing in life and that if you're not with someone you obviously have a problem with people or are lonely, you know… Don't you find that weird, really ?
I widen my eyes for a second and remain looking at my friend. That's -exactly- what I think.
- That's exactly what I think ! I voice my thoughts, realizing I must look pretty stupid being so surprised just by Kyo's words.
And indeed I make him laugh slightly.
- Really ? He laughs.
- Completely ! I smile. That's what I've always been thinking, since I'm a teenager at least.
- Oh ? He raises a brow. I more pictured you as the multi-conquests guy of your class.
- I'm not and I haven't been, believe me. I shake my head with a smile, coming to search through the plastic bag on my left to grab our drinks, handing one to my friend. He takes it with a nod and looks back at me right after, looking even more surprised than before.
- You're not gonna tell me you're not a flirtatious person, Totchi…
- Believe me or not, I basically ain't that kind of person. I assure, earning a light chuckle from him.
- Yeah, "basically". He nods. You just can't be shy when you do what you do at night Toshiya.
- It's a role Kyo. I answer a bit aggressively, not really meaning it.
- I know. He immediately responds, looking away. But you can't deny it's not something everybody can do.
- Yes, of course… I sigh. But you know, both Shinya and I are kinda shy and well… As weird as it sounds, that's not necessarily a problem to do what we do.
- I personally couldn't do that. He looks at me again, shaking his head.
I shrug my shoulders in silence. I perfectly know that's not a thing everybody can do indeed, but somehow, I'm persuaded there isn't a true stereotype of prostitute either. Lots of 'normal' women, students, are doing that occasionally, sells their services on the internet and such, and nobody around them ever knows. That's kind of what I do actually, cause my only friend didn't know, my family doesn't know.
- Hey… Kyo nudges me gently, wanting my attention.
- Hm ? I nod towards him.
- I know that's probably too personal but… Shinya and you… You met here, during… work ? He says hesitantly, blushing a little.
I can't help but smile at his expression, this guy's so cute, that's horrible.
- No, no. I shake my head, gaze down.
- Ah. He nods twice. I… I was wondering cause, err… You just said he was your boyfriend and he was a prostitute also, so…
- Am I dreaming or are you trying to gossip ? I arch a brow amusedly, smiling.
- I can't help myself. He shakes his head, chuckling somewhat uneasily. I wonder how your lover's like, that's all !
- Wanna meet him ?
- Really ? He backs off, visibly surprised.
- Come home with me. I offer, earning a frown from him.
- Without warning ?
- Warning ? I giggle.
- Warning him. He won't be… Slightly… you know …
- Slightly what ? Annoyed ? Shinya's not a bitchy person, don't worry. I actually think he'd be more than happy to meet my best friend to tell you the truth.
- Really ? He smiles a bit. Well, um… Ok then. He says as he stands up, suddenly looking very eager.
- Hey, let me at least finish my sandwich ! I chuckle.
- Come on, you can eat and walk at the same time ! Kyo answers as he grabs one of my arm, forcing me to stand up.

~

- I'm home ! I somehow shout as I enter my apartment; …And I'm not alone ! I add after a short silence, in case Shinya would pop out of nowhere completely naked or something, wanting to give him at least a little warning.
- I think you just pierced my left eardrum Totchi. Kyo cringes as he brings a hand to said ear, making me laugh slightly.
- Shinya ! I call him again, taking off my shoes and coat and walking to the living, not finding anything resembling a human being there.
- He's not here ? My short friend asks, having been getting rid of his shoes and coat too.
- Maybe he's in my bedroom; just urr… Stay here, sit on the couch, whatever… I'll go see there and I'm back.
He nods firmly and immediately goes to the couch. I swiftly walk to the bedroom and literally rush in, making a sleepy Shinya jump on the bed.
- You were sleeping ? I ask awkwardly, closing the door behind me as I walk to the bed and sit on it.
- I was dreaming of you… Shinya says a bit groggily, bringing one of his hands to my face, stroking it tenderly.
I grab his hand and put it down a bit uneasily, not wanting to give him a too harsh impression.
- I brought Kyo with me. I almost whisper, not feeling like talking aloud because of my friend's state.
- Your best friend ? He raises a brow.
- He wanted to see you, so… I proposed him to come over. You're not angry ?
- Angry ? What for ? He smiles and sits in the bed, taking me in my arms.
I blink a little at the gesture but hold him back in silence, waiting for him to speak again.
- He's in the living ?
- Yep. I respond as I release him, standing up slowly right after. Get dressed and join us, ok ?
- Ok. Shinya smiles broadly, getting out of bed and going to my dresser.
I don't comment despite my surprise and walk out of the bedroom, coming back to the living.
- He was sleeping. I say with a slightly awkward smile as I walk to kyo and the couch, sitting right next to him.
- Really ? We didn't wake him up, did we ?
- Not even ! I laugh. But the sound of the door opening did wake him up though.
- So you woke him up ? He chuckles.
- Kinda. I nod. Anyway; I look away for a while; he looks happy to meet you.
- Yes ? Kyo answers now sounding slightly nervous.
- Don't worry, despite his quite cold look he is pretty easy to get along with.
Just as I end my sentence I see my boyfriend in the door frame, walking in the living with only one of my shirt…And a pair of tight shorts.
- You must be Kyo, so ? He offers his right hand to my friend who takes it in his, shaking it a few times.
- Um…Yes, yes, that's me. He answers bashfully, immediately blushing at the sight of Shinya's outfit.
I glare at him intently as he sits on the small armchair next to the couch, crossing his legs in what I personally judge like a way too provocative attitude. I scream internally and fist my hands, struggling hard not to stand up and yell at him. Kyo visibly senses my angriness as he looks at me a bit hesitantly, crossing his arms on his chest.
- So um…
- He's not dressing up like that usually, I'm sorry. I cut my friend off, staring at my 'lover' rather furiously at the same time.
Shinya widens his eyes in what looks like pure shock, his mouth a bit agape.
- Sorry but I didn't want to make your friend wait for ever Totchi. He answers sternly. You don't mind the clothes Kyo, do you ? He then asks, earning a scowl from both me and my blonde friend.
- No, I don't… He shakes his head feebly, speaking lowly.
- See Toshiya, he doesn't mind. Shinya then looks back at me again, face almost expressionless.
I must admit I'm quite stunned right now and don't know what to add, so I let out a weak sigh, averting my eyes. Looks like I lost the battle this time.
- So, Kyo; you're in the same class as him ? How did you meet ?
- Um… Yes we're in the same class… That's how we met actually, ne, Totchi. Kyo more mumbles than answers, discreetly elbowing me to somehow ask some help.
- Yeah we were in the same class for quite a time now. I say rather coldly, still looking down.
- And urr… In fact I've never been that much of a friendly person and… I suppose that since Totchi was kinda more or less always alone we got closer as time passed by. My friend suddenly starts speaking openly, earning a; I suppose; quite stunned look from me. I'm kinda interested now, actually. I then glance at Shinya, who smiles fondly at my friend, not looking at me for a single second anymore. Shit, I got him truly angry.
- I know what you mean. He nods, still smiling.
- But well… I realize I didn't know much of him now he told me everything… About his life. Kyo says a bit bashfully, probably not knowing if the topic would be welcome or not.
- Oh really ? My boyfriend eventually glances at me, looking suspicious.
- Yes, he… In fact I suppose he wasn't planning on telling me ever; he looks at me for a short while now, as if to ask permission to go on; …But he should have done it earlier, I wouldn't have been shocked, really…
- That's not easy to tell, Kyo… I sigh a little, a bit annoyed by it all without truly knowing why. I change my position on the couch and crosses my arms over my chest, trying not to lock my eyes on anything precise.
- May I ask something personal ? Shinya suddenly says to Kyo, earning a light frown from him.
- Uh, yes, go on.
- Are you gay, Kyo ?
- What ?! I can't help but speak, almost yelling, making my friend on the couch next to me jump.
- What ? Can't I ask ? Shinya says extremely calmly.
- I am. Kyo answers as he cuts us off, though looking a bit hesitant. I'm gay. He adds after a short silence, holding his arms tightly.
- When did you find out ?
- That's a stupid question, Shinya. I say angrily as I suddenly realize he damn knew Kyo was gay already, I told him everything about what I did with him. What the hell is he trying to do with that ?!
- Um… Not that long ago. My friend responds, visibly pondering on the better thing to answer.
'Don't tell, Kyo, shut up …' I look at him intently for a short while.
- Really ? You have a boyfriend ? Shinya continues his assault with a very fake smile, glancing at me right now and then. And I said he wasn't bitchy earlier…
- No I don't have a boyfriend. Kyo shakes his head in a childish manner, looking down.
- Just in case, you wouldn't be in love with my boyfriend ?
- What the hell are you talking about ?! I intervene as I stand up, widening my eyes. I can't believe he actually said that. You realize what you're saying Shinya ?!
He stays completely silent, folding his arms over his chest slowly, never breaking eye contact with me.
- That's not because I made a comment on your clothes that you have to be harsh with Kyo.
- I'm wearing your clothes right now honey. He retorts with an ironic smile, making me even more furious if possible.
I see Kyo frown at the comment on my clothes and look at me weirdly before speaking again, bringing my attention back to my supposed to be boyfriend.
- Anyway you're horrible ! If you're angry then pass your nerves on me, not him ! I finish as I point at Kyo, who has a visible blush on his face now. Poor he. I said everything would be fine and now… Shinya's acting more bitchy than he's ever been in his whole life. Great.
- I'm sorry Kyo. Shinya immediately says, sighing a bit, though not with annoyance.
Kyo doesn't answer and rests his head in one of his palms now, he really looks uneasy. That's understandable, after all. I sigh again and look at both of them successively, not knowing what to do. After a while I put my hands on my hips and let out another sigh, slowly coming to sit on the couch next to my blonde friend again.
- I'm really sorry. Shinya suddenly takes word, shaking his head. Weirdly, he's looking at me too.
How am I supposed to take that ? Some days I really don't get him…
- You can be sorry ! I answer, quite aggressively, crossing my arms and legs.
- That's Ok… Kyo sighs as he nudges my arms gently, visibly wanting this endless discussion over. Not that I think other way, of course, but well…
- I knew you were gay already, Kyo, sorry. Shinya apologizes again, finally admitting everything.
Good point for him; looks like he understood.
- You did ? My friend says in astonishment, not looking at him but at me. Obviously I could be the only one who could have been spitting that out so… And yeah, actually, I did.
- Toshiya told me. He says, though not sounding accusative or something of that kind. For once.
- Oh… Kyo looks a bit perturbed now.
- And yes, he told me about what you two did also.
- Shinya… I close my eyes in frustration.
- What ? I'm just being frank ! He defends himself.
- How could you ? My friend suddenly speaks and I reopen my eyes, locking them on him. Damn, I never saw that expression on his face before.
I stay silent.
- Did you think I really would have liked you to tell everything ?
- I didn't mean to tell him about you when I did it Kyo… I try, not really finding an excuse. But well, I didn't think telling Shinya would have been that big of a deal basically…
- He actually didn't explain me much of anything; Shinya states, bringing Kyo's attention on him; I remember I just asked him if he did something with someone else while I wasn't here, in Tôkyô… Cause I… Said I didn't but he… My boyfriend says, in a way too emotive manner for my liking. 'What the hell ?? He isn't gonna cry, right ?' I start to panic as my lover rests his chin in his right hand, looking down.
- Anyway; He sniffs a little; he probably wouldn't have told me if I didn't ask that stupid question…
A long silence takes place now, me looking at Shinya in total disbelief for a long while. The fact he's acting dramatically annoys me to the highest point, but also… It kind of is his way to explain, makes everybody understand how he feels, what he wanna express, I perfectly know that. Still, it's irritating.
- You two are making me feel so uncomfortable… Kyo states after another long silence of us all, indeed looking awkward.
- I'm truly sorry. I just answer, shaking my head.
- I, um… Shinya suddenly stands up. I'm gonna prepare some tea… Do you…
- Yeah thank you. I mumble, not even letting him finish his sentence.
He nods and leaves the room rather fast, visibly trying to hide the shorts with the big shirt he chose, not really succeeding.

~

- So, Kyo, when ? Shinya asks once more, smiling broadly.
It's around 22:00 now, we're all more or less drunk, cause, for some unknown reason, after drinking litters of tea we somehow switched to Vodka.
- I tell you it's personal !
- I know, this is the goal of it all, telling personal stuff ! My boyfriend explains a bit difficultly, due to the alcohol.
Shinya never really held alcohol anyway, strong or sweet he always ends up tipsy after a glass, and completely smashed after 5 or 6.
- If he doesn't wanna tell just leave him alone. I wave a hand at him unevenly. I'm starting to feel slightly tired now.
- Come on, I'm just asking when his first time was !
- And so what ? That's still very personal as far as I know !
- I told when was mine, you two just are too reserved.
- That's not really something easy to say… I respond, frowning.
- Hey, my first time was horrible, and I told you, so…
- I was 16. Kyo suddenly says, taking a sip of his drink.
Shinya and I both look at him at the words.
- But…
- With a girl, I mean. my friend adds before I can even form my sentence.
- Oh. Shinya nods twice. I've never been with a girl.
- Really ?! Kyo chuckles and I widen my eyes. I didn't know that.
'Well, that's not so surprising after all… He started prostitution at 15...'
- Uh-uhn. Another nod. Like I told you, my first time was in a dark narrow street with a much more older man and I've never been attracted by girls so…
- Well… in my case; I take word; even though I always thought I preferred boys I tried with girls nonetheless.
- And ? Kyo raises a brow, waiting.
- And that was ridiculous.
- Ridiculous ? Shinya smiles as he frowns a little.
- I could never decide who was gonna be on top ! I giggle, making my two friends laugh.
- How can you possibly be more submissive than a teenage girl, Totchi ? Kyo ask and finish his glass, instantaneously taking one of the numerous bottles on the table and pouring some more liquid into it.
- That's why I decided to become gay ! I laugh too.
- You just don't "become gay" … Shinya shakes his head, taking the bottle from Kyo's hands and serving himself another glass too.
- I know. I nod.
- And how old were you ?
- Eh ?
- The first time.
- Um… Around 14...15… 16… I don't remember. I chuckle.
- That must have been so screwed up if you don't even remember when ! My blonde friend laughs even more.
- I do remember it was though, yeah !
We all laugh for a short while, and a silent suddenly takes place, though not uncomfortable.
- So, now, what about boys ? Shinya asks all of a sudden.
- What 'boys' ? I scowl a bit.
- Your first time with a boy ! My lover says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
- Oh… Kyo looks down.
Oops. Kyo doesn't have a first time with a boy. As far as I know at least…
- Um…; I decide to speak to let my friend some time to make up something if he wants to; Mine was… During work.
- You mean like…
- Yes. I respond to my friend, feeling a bit tense now. I look up at Shinya now, who's looking back at me somehow disbelievingly.
- It was… Well, let's say I've been kinda lucky anyway.
- Lucky ? Shinya raises a brow.
- It was a young man and… He was… Gentle.
- Gentle ? My boyfriend chuckles in a weird way. Since when that kind of persons are even caring they're fucking with human beings ?
- Sorry but he was. I shake my head. Is he jealous or what …?
- 'Should have been the only exception in this world. He crosses his arms.
- Maybe. I shrug my shoulders. That's too bad I don't know his name.
- Don't tell me you truly thought of seeing this guy again ? Shinya starts to become serious.
- Why not ? At least to know what he's called. My first time doesn't even has a name ! I giggle.
- You never saw him since then ? Kyo suddenly speaks.
Shinya seems to wait for my response eagerly now. He's gonna be upset…
- Actually… I did.
- Damn it, Totchi… My boyfriend throws his head back slowly.
- I didn't do it purposely ! I shake my head again.
- He came back to you ? Kyo deduces, widening his eyes a tad bit.
- He did. I nod. 'And he still does…' He comes to me rather frequently in fact. I add a bit hesitantly.
- And you never bothered asking what his name was ?
- Of course not ! I chuckle. That's not really the kind of thing you talk of in this kind of cases you know…
- Yeah; Shinya laughs; asking someone's name almost means throw him in prison, think a bit…
- Oh yeah, I didn't realize that. My short friend lets out a small chuckle.
- So… I don’t' know much about this guy. I sigh weakly. I don't know a single thing about him actually !
- Save for the fact he's gentle… Shinya says, looking at everything but me.
- And good looking. I decide to annoy him even more.
- Really ? He laughs sarcastically.
- Actually no, he's awesome but I didn't want to sound pompous. I retort as nonchalantly as I can, almost lying on my rather small couch now, not letting that much place to my best friend sitting at the other side of it.
- Oh ? Awesome, gentle, young and regular… Isn't that just wonderful ? Shinya says clearly sarcastically now. Come on Totchi, in 3 whole years I never, ever fucked a guy who had even just one of these qualities !… Save for the regular. He adds, smiling sheepishly.
- Me neither ! He's the only one ! I explain, honestly.
Kyo stays completely silent, watching us debating.
- We should do that together so that you could show me that incredible guy, then…
- That's not a problem. I affirm, nodding.
Shinya blinks at me for a quite long while; he probably was joking after all; then laughs.
- We'll reconsider that later. He shakes his head, standing up. So, Kyo… You're sleeping here tonight right ? It's already pretty late.
- Um… Kyo looks at me with questioning eyes, almost screaming 'does it bother you ?'.
- You can come here whenever you want Kyo-kun… And also stay here as long as you wish. I wink at him.
- You're a so good husband, honey… Shinya says joining his hands on his chest, speaking in a girlish tone.
- I know. I grin. Now cook us something, woman !
My boyfriend laughs and shakes his head, throwing me a pillow from his armchair before leaving the living, indeed going to the kitchen.
- Hey, I was joking about dinner… I mumble, not really wanting Shinya to hear. After all if he wants to prepare dinner…
Kyo laughs too and seats himself on the couch more comfortably.
- Don't you feel weird talking of what you both do at night together ? That's pretty gloomy…
- That's not gloomy…
- Yes it is ! You're supposed to form a couple; Kyo says lowly as he suddenly gets closer to me, not wanting our conversation to be heard, apparently; and you just clearly told him you're almost in love with some guy you fucked with in the past, that's not really encouraging for your already distant relationship…
- You're playing psychologist when you're drunk Kyo ?
- I'm serious ! He taps one of my legs quite hard.
I frown but stay silent, waiting for him to follow.
- You already forgot you didn't say you loved him back or what ? And now you're saying your first time guy is obsessing you !
- He's not obsessing me ! I answer, scowling. 'How could I be obsessed by a person who spend most of his nights fucking prostitutes ?'
- Yeah right… He sighs and sits back normally.
- It's Shinya that started it all. I just told him the truth, that's all.
- You never told him anything about this before, right ?
- As you might have seen on his face… I didn't. I admit, crossing my arms, head resting on the armrest.
- And why ?
Why ? I suddenly am speechless. I don't have a single clue.
- That's what I thought… Kyo sighs again, shaking his head.
- What ? I say, a bit aggressively. What did you think ? I kick him a bit to annoy him.
- Stop that; he grimaces and pushes my legs away; You really wanna know my opinion ?
- I wouldn't be kicking you if I didn't.
- I think you're indeed kinda obsessed with that guy, for God knows what reason… And in any case you refuse to admit it, which is also a proof no matter what you're thinking.
- That's weird, alcohol doesn't has the same effect on you compared to normal people…
- I'm not Joking Totchi. He rolls his eyes at my words. See, you're talking of this guy as it if was God himself… A few days ago you told me you thought you had a crush on that guy, Kaoru…
- And so what ? I frown. 'Oh yeah, Kaoru… I almost forgot him. '
- You're not going to like that but…
- What ? I urge him on a tad bit.
- You slept with both of this guys. Kyo says hesitantly, not even daring looking at me.
- And what the hell does it have to do with the rest ? I slept with a thousand of other men and I never felt anything for them ! I answer, a bit too crossly. 'He just says what he thinks, and I'm almost yelling at him…'
- I know, but in Kaoru and Mr Awesome's case they're kind, young and good-looking ! Kyo responds as heatedly as I'm doing. And excuse me but the only two young and kind boys you fucked with you almost fall in love with them and can't get them out of your head ! Sorry but that's called indecisiveness Totchi !
I suddenly fall silent. Damn, he's right.
- Um… What do you wanna eat, boys ? Shinya suddenly pops into the living, making me jump. 'Please God, if you do exist, tell me he didn't hear anything.'
- Whatever you want it's fine with me. Kyo says with a smile.
- Uh… Same for me. I mumble and my boyfriend quits the room with a somewhat awkward smile.
I exhale deeply, closing my eyes.
- Anyway Totchi… I don't wanna accuse you of anything, it's just my point of view, do what you want with it.
- I know. I nod.

'I know…'

~

- Merry Christmas honey ! Shinya exclaims joyfully as midnight just rings, taking me in his arms as he keeps his eyes locked on the TV screen.
I merely answer the same back and hugs him briefly too, soon coming back to my cigarette. For once he permitted me to smoke in the apartment, no way in hell I'm gonna waste that short time of freedom.
- I can give you your present now ! He says still as happily as before, standing up in one swift movement and going to what became -our- bedroom now.
I slowly stand up from the couch also and walk to the small Christmas tree Shinya bought yesterday only, reaching for the small box I put on the floor under it.
- Ne, there you go ! He comes back in the living, a slightly bigger gift in his arms.
I turn around and accept the box he hands me, giving him mine.
- Thank you… He singsongs, going to the couch to sit and open his packet.
I smile kindly and follows him, sitting back on the couch next to him. I decide to wait before opening my present and watch Shinya taking care of his, ripping the paper somehow childishly. Suddenly, his face fall. I frown and get closer to him.
- What's wrong ?
- You didn't do that ? He says, literally glaring at my present.
- What…? I frown even more.
- You bought me a week end on the Izu peninsula ?! Shinya says as he takes the billet out of the small box, staring at it with disbelief.
- You don't like ? I blink, not quite understanding.
Damn, for once I tried thinking of something nice…
- You idiot ! He suddenly hits my head with one hand.
- Hey !
- You're crazy or what ?! Shinya says, somehow not sounding truly angry. You're spending all your money on this…
- You like it or not ? I ask, actually not really knowing.
- Of course I like it ! He nods several times watching the piece of paper intently. …Thank you. He nods towards me and quickly reaches to kiss me on the lips.
- My present's gonna look so ridiculous now… He shakes his head with a small chuckle as he averts his eyes, blushing slightly.
- I don't care what you bought you know… I answer as I start opening the small packet, rather slowly. I see my boyfriend fidgeting visibly and I giggle a little, looking at him.
- You look so nervous !
- I'm just scared you might kill me in a few seconds.
- Come on, Shin… I say rolling my eyes, finally finished with the packet. A rectangular box appears in my hands and I frown a bit, glancing at him for a short while.
- Open it. He nods towards me again.
I nod in silence and obey, widening my eyes at the beautiful silver chain bracelet inside the box.
- Shinya you…
- I was sure you were gonna hate it, I'm sorry…! He immediately says, burying his head in both hands.
- No, no ! I shake my head resolutely, passing an arm behind his back. It's… It's gorgeous, really…You even got my name written on it…
- You're not mad at me ? He asks, smiling faintly.
- Why would I be ? I arch a brow.
- Just… He takes the hand I'm holding the bracelet with; turn it around…
I do so and widen my eyes for a short second, trying not to look too shocked.
- And you put your name underneath…? I say, doing my best not to sound weird.
- Uh-uhn. I… I was afraid you… Could reject me because of you know… The other day… Shinya mumbles, releasing my hand.
- The other day ? I ask, though perfectly knowing what he's referring to.
- When I told you… How I felt about you. He states with difficulty, looking down.
- You know Shin… You have to know I never told someone I loved them in my whole life… That's not easy. I smile weakly, encircling his waist with my left arm.
- Hm. A small nod.
- That doesn't mean I don't love you.
- Why can't you just say it then ?
- I.. I don't know. I avert my eyes. But if you're expecting me to tell you I love everyday for the rest of my life… You better go right now.
I feel Shinya tense in my arms and I bit my lower lips slightly, wondering if I haven't been a bit too harsh.
- I've the feeling we're gonna have a great Christmas night. He sighs, looking elsewhere.
- I'm just honest Shinya. I hold him tighter.
He slowly turns to look at me, completely silent.
We remain looking at each other for a quite long while, not knowing what to add, probably. Shinya eventually looks down and smiles a little, nodding to himself.
- It's Ok. He mumbles.
- Huh ? I lower my head a little to see his face better.
- Your conditions. He looks up. I'm Ok with them. He nods once more, his eyes a bit watery.
I can't help myself and smile broadly, taking him in my arms and stroking his back.
- Thank you… I whisper.
He slowly brings his arms around me too, exhaling somewhat heavily.
- I really love that chain bracelet.
- Yes ? Shinya says, sounding hopeful.
- You had a good idea.
- Ne…
- Hm?
- Reassure me; he suddenly backs off; you also have your receipt for Izu ?
- Of course I do ! I laugh, shaking my head.
- Damn I was scared I should have been going to a week end all alone !
- It's a present, not a trick you know. I shake my head with a laugh.
- When it is exactly ? He suddenly says, taking the ticket from the box on his lap and scanning it.
- Uh… In a few weeks if I remember. I say as I stand up, looking for the remote of the television. Programs already aren't interesting on normal days; and as for an addition they're completely dumb on special days… Better switch that damn thing off before we loose even more brain cells than we did until then.
- Yep. The 23 and 24 of January so… Shinya nods to himself, reading all the lines with concentration.
He can be so cute sometimes…
- I'm so looking forward to this ! He suddenly says with a smile, looking up at me.
- Thank God ! I chuckle a bit, putting my hands on my hips.
- You so shouldn't have… He stands up, walking to me and hugging me tightly.
I'm a bit surprised but hug back nevertheless, nodding. Yeah, I know, I really shouldn't have. Now my purse is completely empty… But well, I suppose I wanted to give him some kind of love proof since I just can't tell him.
- Ne…
- What ?
- Can we spend the night together ? Shinya whispers, putting his head on my right shoulder.
I sigh as discreetly as I can and stroke his back with one hand a few times.
- You know we can't. Not tonight. I whisper also, holding him a bit tighter.
- You're not forced to go out tonight …
- Yes I am ! I say as I pull back, smiling to him. We're so badly off this month we'll have to work for god knows how many nights in a row in January…
- You shouldn't have bought me that trip ! He pouts, hitting my head with the billet.
- I just wanted to make you happy. I chuckle, holding him to me.
- You succeeded. He pecks me on the lips. But now you're gonna spend half of your night in the streets…And It's cold!
- I have a good coat don't worry ! I giggle.
- Yes, but as you always complain about, "Stockings aren't really warm"…
- Yeah ! I laugh. I really need to buy cotton stockings or at least woollen thigh high socks…
'Even though that looks a bit too 'high-school girl'… Well, actually, that might please a lot of wicked men… Yeah, that's a bad idea, in fact.'
- That's not as sexy as real stockings are, you know it… He pecks me again.
- Giving me fashion lessons now ?
- I just really like you wearing stockings. He shakes his head with a soft laugh. Your legs are wonderful… Shinya then adds, his hands descending to my hips and thighs.
- I think I never saw you wearing stockings. I say, ignoring the; what I judge; rather embarrassing comment on my said legs.
- That's because I don’t wear stockings frequently. He shakes his head negatively, still smiling. I'd rather wear thigh high boots.
- I'm not really into boots…
- You should. He nods. I'm sure you would look great in mines. Better than me at least, that's sure… He mumbles, looking down.
- What ? I frown.
- Even if I'm at ease with my body… I perfectly know I am way too skinny.
- I'm not particularly fat either, you know that… I roll my eyes.
- You're looking far much better Totchi. He puts his head on my shoulder again, sighing. You… You're just looking real slim… While I'm looking skeletal.
- Well… I sigh too. What can I say ? That's true, Shinya's skinny. But that's not the kind of thing you talk of that bluntly, really… Whatever he says that's still pretty aggressive to answer something like "Yeah, you're looking like you're sick, actually"…
- You're a bit too thin, that's true… But you're not looking that skeletal.
- Come on, you saw me naked a thousand times at least… You damn know I am. He responds childishly, rather awkwardly too.
- I wouldn't have sex so much with you if I didn't like your body, Shinya… I roll my eyes, smiling a bit.
- That's just because you're a sex addict. He says, the fact he's grinning evident now.
- You are the sex addict ! I'm not ! I laugh, pushing him away playfully, deciding walking to the bedroom to change clothes. If I wanna bring a few bills home tonight better go right now, it's already past midnight…
- You're going already ? Shinya follows me, somehow hurriedly.
- Yep, it's 00:15 already… If I dress up now and then make up a bit I'm not gonna be out before 30 or something… And then I'm gonna walk to our street cause subways are still pretty crowded at this hour… Moreover it's Christmas … I ramble on as I rummage through my dresser, taking a black mini short and top out, soon looking for the ever present stockings and shoes.
- A mini short ?? Shinya almost exclaims, making me jump.
- Yeah; what's the matter with that ? I answer, arching a brow.
- You're crazy or what ? He chuckles; it's snowing outside ! He points at the window of the room, where indeed snow's sticking to slightly.
- As if I haven't realized yet we were in December… I sigh. I know it's freezing Shin, but I just can't go there with a knee long skirt or a pair of pants…
- Of course, I know, but…
- I still have my coat, don't worry ! I repeat as I start undressing. Oh how I'm gonna miss these clothes for the next hours…
- Yeah right; he laughs sarcastically, rolling his eyes; your coat stops right here ! He says, placing his hands right at the beginning of his legs.
- This way just my lower half is cold. I nod with a somewhat fake smile, knowing my answer's pretty stupid.
- Just take my coat then… Shinya says in a pleading tone, pouting cutely.
- I'm gonna feel too tight in it. I chuckle.
- Ah ! So I -am- skinny ! He points at me, then at him.
- My coat's hotter anyway. I say, ignoring his words again.
- Fine, do as you want. He shrugs his shoulders.
- I don't think I'll stay for too long.
- Yeah ? Shinya mumbles, sounding hopeful.
- You know, the fact it's Christmas might either be a good or a very bad point. I shake my head slightly. I may meet a lot of lonely men but also lots of drunken ones… Or better, just don't meet anybody. I sigh.
- That's why I tell you to stay home at least tonight… My boyfriend says as he walks to the bed, sitting on it in one swift movement.
- Listen, I tell you what : I just go, and if in the two next hour nothing happens I come home, Ok ?
- Ok… Shinya sighs heavily and let his body fall on the bed, not moving anymore.
I smile at him a bit and finish getting dressed, then going to the bathroom to do my hair and makeup a tad bit.

~

So. Shinya was right. Damn right. My coat definitely isn't long enough to protect me from the cold. And as if it wasn't enough, almost everybody's staring at me weirdly because of my outfit. Or my lack of outfit, for that matter.
After all I must be the only person on earth to walk down the streets with mini shorts and stockings in December but well. I do what I want. …Even if I'm kinda forced to do it.
I keep on walking for like 15 minutes again and I finally decide to stop in the corner of a small, empty street, crossing my arms over my chest in a vain attempt to feel hotter. Or less cold. Whatever.
I look all around me in utter silence for a while, soon coming the solid conclusion there's no many prostitutes here on December 24th. At least nobody's gonna tell me I'm stealing someone's place and so on. For once…

An hour later, I'm still -almost- alone, nothing happened, and of course I'm still broke and freezing more than ever. I did tried walking in circles, back and forth, changed places a bit… I even sat on the ground but that unquestionably wasn't a good idea. I'm desperate now. And deeply bored.
- Why everybody's actually staying home for Christmas, eh ?! I say, out loud, earning a few weird stares from people passing by.
- Probably because of their family ! A voice I, weirdly, already heard suddenly says, earning a frown from me.
I turn around from the direction it came from and suddenly widen my eyes, not knowing how to voice my shock. Here he is. My first time guy.
- Don't you have one too ? He walks to me, slowly, hands in his coat.
- I… ur… 'Damn, what to say ? I don't know what to say ! '
This is purely impossible to have a conversation with a 'normal' person when you're actually supposed to be a prostitute but that doesn't seem to annoy him. He smiles. Sweetly…. Oh how I hate this guy.
- What are you doing here, for Christmas ? He asks kindly, raising a brow.
- Isn't it obvious ?
- That's why I'm asking. He chuckles. I didn't think you would be there tonight. He adds, nodding towards me.
I'm speechless for some long seconds now. I truly am lost. What am I supposed to answer to that ? I've never had a true conversation with any of my 'clients' until then !
- What's the matter ?
- Huh ?
- I've the feeling you're not at ease with me.
- I ain't at all, in fact. I finally admit, looking down, holding onto my own arms tighter.
- It's because I'm regularly coming to you ? That's it ?
- Kinda. I nod, smiling a little. 'Fuck, he's perspicacious. Or I maybe am too expressive. Dunno. Come on Toshiya, that's just logical ! '
- There's no need to feel awkward because of me… He chuckles a bit; That's not because I frequent prostitutes that I'm a completely depraved person. He assures, still smiling.
How come such words are sounding true in his mouth ?
- Anyway, I really think nobody should be doing what you do on Christmas… It's too sad.
- Too sad ? I raise a brow. Who the hell are you to tell me how to live ?
- I wasn't doing any kind of criticism. He shakes his head negatively. It's just my opinion.
- I didn't ask what your opinion was.
- I didn't come for any kind of sexual business basically so that would be nice if you weren't so defensive like this…
- What are you doing in Shinjuku at almost 2 in the morning during -Christmas- if you're not here for sex ? I respond, a bit more angrily than before.
Damn, not only a week ago I was talking of this guy like perfection itself, and now I'm arguing with him. I'm sure of it now, platonic and silent relationships are far more interesting than normal ones. Once you started talking, everything's screwed up. Just look, I've been fucking with that guy for more than a year and everything was perfect until we started talking.
- I was coming back home. My first time guy speaks again, sternly now.
- Huh ?
- I live in Shinjuku.
- Oh… Sorry. I mumble, glance down.
- Where do you live ?
- As if I was gonna tell you such a thing ! My head suddenly shoot up at that. Damn, he has some nerves.
- It was just a banal question ! He chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.
- You're gonna harass me all night or what ? I sigh. I'm supposed to work, you see…
- Work ? He almost laughs.
What's so funny ?!
- Do you see someone interested ? He says with a slight smile as he looks around him to emphasize his words. There're almost no prostitutes out tonight… He shakes his head; Christmas isn't a good day for that…
- December isn't a good month either, believe me.
- I don't doubt that. He smiles a bit apologetically.
- You're not making me believe you're feeling compassion or something of that kind for me, are you ?
- Actually I am, but you're not forced to trust me.
- Cool, cause I don't. I smile too now.
- Too bad.
- As you say. I nod.
- Well… He looks around him again. You're planning on staying all night ?
- That's none of your business really. I shake my head no.
- That's a bit reckless, whatever the case may be. He then says, looking very serious.
- Reckless or not I truly need to bring money home or I wouldn't be here completely bored and freezing right now, Ok? So now just go and let people live their lives as they want to !
- How much did you gain tonight ?
I fall silent once more. Why does good-looking men almost ALWAYS rhyme with ostentatious ?
- Why in hell do you even care ?!
- It's just that I have quite a lot of cash I don't know what to do with. He says extremely nonchalantly, receiving a probably rather stupid look from me.
I can't believe it. Why does it always en up like this ?! Each time I talk with a boy who knows I'm a prostitute he ends up asking me this ? Well sure, this guy basically is one of my client but still... I don't like that.
- No way. I shake my head twice.
- What ? That's your job right ? He chuckles weirdly. I'm just trying to help.
'Help you inner frustrations yeah… '
- Leave me alone now… I say in a rather pleading tone, not liking it myself. I'm sounding a bit too weak here.
- Just take that. He suddenly gives me a handful of bills.
I blink. That's a joke, right ?
- I said I didn't wanna do something with you tonight… I keep on with my silly pleading tone, feeling like a girl all of a sudden. That's sad but I absolutely don't know how to act now.
- Me neither. He shakes his head, urging me on to the bills. Ne, take those.
- I can't. I shake my head negatively, pushing his hand away slightly.
- Yes you can ! He takes one of my hands in his by force and open it, putting the bills in it and forcing me to keep them.
I blink at him again, soon averting my eyes though. How embarrassing is this, really … I so hate pity !
- Now go home and have a good night rest; it's late. He says as he starts walking away, earning an unwilling reaction from me. Yeah, somewhat, I take a step towards hi and call him. Probably the biggest mistake of my life.
- What ? He turns around, eyebrows arched.
- Um… I actually don't know what to say, but… Thanks, anyway. I nod.
- You're welcome. He nods too, then waits a bit before smiling and walking away, once more earning that same stupid reaction from me.
- Wait ! I say, closing my eyes in frustration just when I stop speaking. I just can't help myself.
- What ? He repeats as he turns around, with a small chuckle this time.
- You… You're gonna find that very weird but… I say less loudly as I walk closer to him; I …Could you do me a favour ?
- Huh ? He blinks, almost glaring at me now. And what would that be ? He chuckles again.
- Actually… I laugh a bit too, looking down and crossing my arms over my chest. You're not forced to answer me, but I'd like to know your name.
- My name ?
- Yep. I nod, still looking down. I must look like a total weirdo to him now but well.
- Hey, look at me.
I do so, a bit timidly.
- It's Daisuke.
- Daisuke… I repeat, averting my eyes again.
- Why do you want to know my name ? He suddenly asks, taking me out of my thoughts.
- Well… I burble; it's just that you… Come to me since a quite long time now, and…
- You're asking the name of all the persons that frequently come to you ? He laughs softly.
- No, no… Of course not ! I smile awkwardly, holding onto my arms tight. But don't worry, I'm not gonna denounce you or something…
- I hope so !
- Don't worry; I wave a hand at him; I just really wanted to know what your name was, that's all…
- Without reason ?
- Actually… I cock my head to the side a bit. 'Don't tell him… Don't tell him… It's too personal Toshiya… He's gonna run away if you explain why…'
- I have an idea. He nods towards me.
- That is ? I raise a brow.
- What about I pay you a coffee ? It's damn cold out here.
- Well… I look away a bit, not knowing what to answer. This is all extremely weird.
- I'm not gonna rape you or something, don't worry… He says, visibly sensing my reluctance.
- Ne, come on. He grabs one of my arms, making me widen my eyes a bit, though not truly reacting.
- I guess I have no choice then. I smile a bit, deciding stopping being paranoid over everything and holding his arm a bit.
Daisuke chuckles and then we both fall silent, me following him somewhat blindly.

- So…; My first time boy removes his scarf and coat as he sits comfortably on the small banquette we chose, in front of me, adjusting his extremely long red ponytail a bit; …What's your name ? If you don’t mind telling of course.
- Toshiya. I answer, nodding to myself. That's actually not my real name but he doesn't have to know it.
- That's pretty ! He smiles.
- Really ? I arch a brow, smiling now too. I really don't grasp why, but Daisuke seems to make every person around him smile.
- Yes, I like it. He nods twice.
- That's funny… I always thought my name wasn't sounding that good. I admit, rubbing my own thighs discreetly to feel a bit hotter. Even though we're in this café since a few minutes, I'm still feeling extremely cold. That's why I didn't take off my coat actually. That might look impolite but I really just can't…
- Well, you're wrong. 'Daisuke' sounds no good; 'Toshiya' does.
- You don't like your name ?
- Not that much. He states, smiling awkwardly.
- Really ? I giggle a bit. I don't think it sounds that bad… It's a very popular name, even.
- I don't know, maybe it's just that's in fact too banal for me…. Anyway ! Hope I've been helping. Even a little bit.
- That's helps a lot, believe me. I declare, widening my eyes. You might have guessed already, if I'm playing prostitute that's not because I like it.
- Yeah, I suppose nobody likes doing this basically. Daisuke sighs a bit as he turns his head to look at the waitress bringing us our drinks, thanking her and grabbing the mugs, handing one to me.
- Thank you. I mumble and immediately start drinking, relishing in the feeling of heat suddenly invading me.
- You could have come and buy you something hot before, ne ? Why did you stay there ? Just waiting …?
- I was actually waiting. I answer a bit sarcastically, putting my mug on the table, still holding it with both hands though. But nobody passed by. Nothing happened ! I add, shrugging my shoulders.
Daisuke just nods in silence and starts drinking his coffee too, suddenly looking self-conscious.
- Hey. I take word again after a short silence.
- Hm ?
- Can I ask you something ?
- Go on.
- You don't really… Look like someone who would… Come to prostitutes, and…
- I know, I know. He cuts me off, gaze down. And if you really wanna know, I actually ain't that kind of persons, indeed.
- Huh ?
What does he mean …?
- Believe me or not, you're the only prostitute; excuse the word; I ever frequented.
I pale now. At least, internally. 'I'm the only one ??'
- What ? I blink.
- You know, I'm only 21... There's no many boys of my age sleeping with prostitutes.
'He's 21 …?! But… He looks so mature ! Sure he looks very young but… 2 years older than me only !'
- I… I suppose so, yes… I mutter, looking down. So I… I'm the only one ?
- Don't start imagining I'm obsessed or something, ne… Daisuke warns, holding his hands up for a short while, apparently uneasy.
How can't I start wondering ?! He says he's not the kind of boy to frequent prostitutes and then admits I'm the only one he sees… That's scary !
- I know that sounds weird, but… Please don't worry; I'm not a freak or something…
- You have to understand what you're saying me isn't particularly reassuring either… I chuckle awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck unconsciously.
- I know… He lets out a rather embarrassed chuckle also; I perfectly know that but…
Another silence takes place all of a sudden, much more uncomfortable though. We seem to have reach some kind of no-return point.
- Listen Toshiya; Daisuke speaks once more, startling me, somehow; You're probably gonna think I'm completely crazy but I'm greatly attracted by you.
'What ?!?'
- That's why I… Actually the first time I saw you I… It was absolutely randomly but then I couldn't keep my eyes off you and so after a while… Well, some days, I just decided to… You know… He finishes, not looking at me anymore.
Oh-My-God. This is the most unexpected and unreal thing I've ever heard. My first time guy has a crush on me …?
- I'm so sorry ! Daisuke suddenly says and I come back to reality, realizing I must have looked utterly shocked for like the past 20 seconds.
- W… What ? I burble, not quite getting what's happening anymore.
- I'm just stupid, forget what I just said. He shakes his head twice, concentrating on his mug.
- Wait, wait… You're… What are you trying to tell me ? I ask, sounding a bit aggressive without meaning it.
- Nothing, nothing… He sighs, closing his eyes. I must be really tired to come to say such…
- Such what ?
- Whatever. He waves a hand in the air, finishing his coffee and putting some cash on the table for the drinks. Sorry for bothering you. He suddenly stands up and grabs his coat and scarf, slowly leaving the table.
- Hey ! I immediately stand up and follow him, grabbing his left arm. That's all ? You're leaving ?
- Yes. It's kinda late.
- But… I release his arm and lower my gaze, quickly realizing we have no reason to stay together any longer.
He exhales audibly and keeps on walking away, soon reaching the exit door and going out. I again follow him hurriedly and speak once more, wanting his attention.
- You just can't go away like that after what you told me !
- Are you single ? Daisuke asks as he turns around, finishing putting his scarf on.
- Pardon ?
- I said-- are you single ?
I stay silent; mouth slightly agape. "No" Toshiya, you're not ! Just say it !
- I…
- So there's no point in seeing each other again. He shakes his head and starts walking away, not turning anymore.
- Daisuke ! I walk after him despite the quite cold words, actually not knowing why.
- Just go home now ! He simply answers, still not looking behind him.
I, weirdly, stop walking and just stay staring at his back in silence, my arms falling at my sides loosely. I sigh. Heavily.

TBC…

Semichan's comments : End of third chapter… So, Totchi met his first time boy. And actually, it wasn't supposed to be Die but oh well. Ah, about all the Tokyo railways/Subways stuff… This is approximate ! Don't sue me because I made a mistake between this or that line, I've never been to Tokyo and basically live in a town where there is NO subways, so… XD Everything I wrote is based on my personal searches, so there might be a few stuff incorrect or even paradoxical. ^^; lol Anyway, I'm doing my best ! ^_~ Thx for reading !
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Boku no Inbai, Boku no Kodoku.