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Blurry Days	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2083 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

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Disclaimer: this is the work of fiction. Don't own DEG and don't make any money from this.
Kaoru nervously swings his leg back and forth. Sitting around and waiting makes him almost go crazy. He and Shinya had been at the hospital for almost two hours now, but nobody lets them see Kyo or even tells them about his condition and Kaoru barely manages to make himself sit and wait.
Die and Toshiya had also arrived during the time they were waiting. They barely exchanged any words. Just confused and hopeful glances. And then waiting around in the lounge.
They were told to wait, because Kyo’s parents had to give permission to see him or to at least let the doctor tell about Kyo’s condition. But the obscurity of the situation was playing with their nerves so much that when the third hour was almost at its end, Kaoru was already pacing back and forth in the room unable to sit any longer.
They knew nothing at all. Nothing.
Shinya got a call from their former management late in the evening yesterday. They just told him that Kyo was found and is already in the hospital. They didn’t know themselves anything more. They just asked to inform the other former Dir en grey band members and keep it quiet. Kyo’s parents strictly forbade to let the information slip to the press too early.
Shinya immediately called Kaoru. He called him over thirty times that night, confused and angry that Kaoru didn’t pick up. He didn’t sleep at all the entire night. Early in the morning, with the first rays of sun in the sky, he took off to Kaoru’s place in hope of finding him there.
Later, when he waited for Kaoru to get ready, he called Die and told him the news. Of course, it took a lot of willpower to not start crying again. The emotions were making him feel a total wreck, on the verge of a breakdown.
Die promised to get Toshiya and be in the hospital as soon as they could.
But now, sitting around and waiting for so long, the happiness died down and they started to feel nervous. The more they waited, the more it seemed that something was not right.
“Excuse me, are you Tooru’s former band mates?”
All four of them lifted their eyes to the source of the voice. A young girl stood in front of them, looking so much like Kyo when he was much younger. She was short and very thin, had full lips and deep dark eyes, and black as night long hair.
It must have been Kyo’s younger sister.
“Yes, we are” Kaoru said and stood up. The rest of the guys also stood up and watched the girl approach them warily.
“I’m Tooru’s sister. I’m sorry for making you wait for so long. I knew you were here since morning.”
“It doesn’t matter” Kaoru waved away her apology. “Can we see him now?”
The girl nervously fidgeted and absentmindedly played with the hem of her blouse. She seemed to find it hard to look straight in the eyes to any of her brother’s friends.
“You can… My parents just left to have lunch and he’s now alone in the ward.”
“So let’s go then!” Toshiya encouraged her, but she still didn’t move, starring at the ground.
“How is he?” Shinya whispered, faring to hear something really bad. Kyo’s sister didn’t look as happy as someone, who just found out that her brother is alive, should really be. It was almost as if she grieved.
“First of all I must ask you to promise not to spread the information to anyone. And I mean anyone – your friends, your family and God forbid the press!”
She finally looked up, her eyes angry and determined.
“Of course” Die nodded hurriedly. “We more than understand this!”
“Of course, it will already be in the evening news tonight, but we don’t want any information to be public except from the one that he was found alive.”
The four guys just nodded in agreement.
“A policeman spotted Tooru wondering around by the road and recognized him. He took him to the police station and there my brother’s identity was confirmed. They called my parents and immediately sent him to Tokyo, to this hospital.”
She faltered for a second, but everyone waited for her to continue.
“Tooru… he’s not like himself… he…”
She stopped for a moment and tried to calm down, but it was too hard for her to do. A few tears escaped her eyes. She brushed them off and continued in a more silent voice.
“He doesn’t speak, doesn’t recognize anyone, he just… he just… it’s as if he’s really gone, just left his body behind…”
Silence followed her statement. Kyo’s sister looked first at Toshiya, then at Shinya and lowered her eyes again.
“The doctors don’t understand what’s wrong with him. They’ve already started making tests. They say it might be shock, but… but they say it’s quite doubtful, there must be something more, because Tooru doesn’t even… can’t even go to the toilet himself, and just… just wets his pants and doesn’t even feel he’s doing it…”
She lets a sob, but covers her mouth quickly and tries to compose herself.
“They say it’s too early to say anything at all. Now they need to do a lot of tests. Maybe they will find out what it exactly is that makes my brother be like… like that.”
She wipes the traces of the tears from her face with the back of her hand and brushes her fingers through her hair.
“The police is also as clueless as the doctors. They don’t have the slightest idea of what have happened to him. Where he was all that time and what made him become as he is now… We need to wait a bit, at least for the doctors to be more concrete with the name of the illness my brother has…”
She crossed her hands over her chest and sighted, finally looking as if she managed to calm down a bit.
“Please, follow me now. I’m sorry to say this, but as soon as my parents will be back, you’ll have to leave. They are still in shock and they are strictly against any visitors outside the family.”
She then turned and the guys followed her lead. They all felt like in a surreal nightmare, barely making their legs move. They still hoped that when they’ll enter the ward, they’ll see Kyo sitting on the bed, munching on some food and greeting them merrily.
But it didn’t happen.
They entered the ward and here he really was – Kyo, lying in bed, starring at the ceiling. He looked decent enough. Perhaps much thinner than before and pale as hell, but alive and breathing.
Kaoru made his shaky legs move and neared the bed. Kyo was starring at the ceiling with a glassy look and seemed not to notice at all that somebody entered the room.
Shinya appeared on the other side of the bed together with Toshiya and Die. They all looked at Kyo with disbelief on their faces, but also with relief heavily mixed with worry.
Kaoru extended his badly shaking hand and touched Kyo’s fingers. Kyo didn’t even flinch.
“Kyo…” Kaoru said, his voice trembling so much that he barely managed to utter his name. “Kyo, I knew you were alive… I knew it…”
But it was as if talking to a mere wall. Not a muscle flinched in Kyo’s body. He was lying and starring at the ceiling. Just breathing silently.
Kaoru took Kyo’s hand in his and almost broke down in tears. Too many emotions were fighting in his chest. Kyo’s hand felt so small and frail in his grasp, so thin and light. He was so happy Kyo was alive, that he was back. But what he saw in front of him, the unresponsive body, ripped his heart apart. It’s as if he wasn’t here after all. His body lay in front of him, functioning, breathing, but his mind was gone.
Toshiya grasped Kyo’s other hand and cried silently. Die couldn’t keep a straight face either. He just tried to sooth Toshiya by gently rubbing his back. And Shinya just stared, a scared expression on his face.
It was not how things were supposed to end. It was unfair to Kyo. Unfair and simply cruel.
Later, when opening a second bottle of vodka and pouring it into his former band mates’ glasses, Kaoru couldn’t really remember how they got back to his place. Even Shinya was already drunk and almost sleeping on his sofa next to him. He, after drinking so much yesterday, got intoxicated again in no time.
Memories mixed together and overlapped. It all was one big depressing and painful bundle of thoughts and memories, and scenes and sights. Kyo’s emotionless face on top of it all.
He could just remember seeing Kyo’s parents come back and tell them to get out of the ward. They didn’t want strangers, especially men, near their son.
He could also remember sitting with the other guys in the waiting room again and hoping to hear some news on Kyo’s condition. Kyo’s sister finally came to see them hours later and told what the doctors last reported.
It seemed that Kyo’s blood bared evidence of many drugs he used (or was forced to use). He was malnourished and needed to be on a special diet to make him gain those twelve kilograms he lost. They also said they found traces of physical violence on his body. Not so old and quite fresh scars, many bones that were still healing after being broken. They said he was most definitely sexually abused.
But the most worrying thing for them was Kyo’s current condition. They said it’s perhaps too early to determine the final state of his condition, but it looked like the drugs and shock was just a tiny part of it all.
They said that it was a very high probability that Kyo just simply was mentally ill. Severely mentally ill, with no concrete diagnoses and no concrete way of how to treat it. Of how to bring the old Kyo back.
It was a high chance that Kyo would remain a mental patient for the rest of his life. Without any memory, feelings or comprehension of things surrounding him.
Kaoru drank the contents of his glass in one gulp.
Never before he felt so helpless in his life. So lost, so sad, so desperate.
Kyo was back, but the pain in Kaoru’s chest doubled. And he wasn’t so sure if he could take all of it this time.
It was too much. Too much for him to handle.

TBC
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Blurry Days