Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

The End of the Road	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1311 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't know Dir en grey and don't profit from these writings.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Author's comment: Anybody remembers this story? At least I do and it’s been at the back of my mind for ages! I know I said I will definitely finish this, because I absolutely hate discontinued stories, but… I simply do not like this one anymore and for a long time now. I am a little ashamed off all the clichés and silly situations cramped all over in this ‘trilogy’. But on the other hand, it was my first real big thing written in English, so it was a good learning experience which I don’t regret. But I am not going to do it properly anymore. I looked when I last posted a chapter – 3^rd of January, 2011. And already then I said I wasn’t feeling very up to completing it the way I intended to. Well anyways, I do have 2 chapters that were supposed to appear later in the story written in 2011, so I’m posting one of those now (it doesn’t follow chapter 2, some time passes between last chapter and this chapter 3). I will pull together a little chapter following this one and then I’ll post the other chapter I had written in 2011 as a last chapter. Which will be nothing compared to what I wanted to include in part 3, but at least it’s something and it’ll answer the last question that is still open and then that’s it. I will be able to put this story away and be at peace :) Because it’s been bugging me that it’s out there, unfinished, half-assed and still demanding to be completed. It’s not going to be what I wanted it to be anymore. For example, I intended to split Toshiya and Myvs apart, but now they get to have their happily ever after :) But oh well, I guess it’s better than just put discontinued after the first two chapters :)

Chapter 3

--- Hide Memorial ---

They went off the stage feeling very high. It was a great show, they nailed it. It was good to know that they did their best and succeeded.

The dressing room was empty and the guys dropped dead on the sofa, still breathing heavily and feeling exhausted. Kyo took huge gulps of water from the bottle and brushed the sweat from his forehead with the back of his arm. He stood up and took off his shoes and socks getting ready for the shower. There was going to be an after-party in the evening, but there still was a lot of time. The bands that were playing in day one will gather in the main room and have a party.
Kyo sighted, still feeling very exhausted and headed for the shower. He wasn't really looking forward to the party, but he had to attend. All the band members had to be present, as the party at first had an official part and it would be very impolite not to go.
Kyo took off pants and boxers and stepped into the shower. The cool water hit his body and he immediately relaxed. He'll just try to avoid the fucking Kisaki and it will be fine. He'll stick up for an hour or so and then leave. If Kaoru won't go, he'll go alone, but there was no way on earth he was going to stay there for longer than necessary.
The rest of the day the guys mainly just watched the shows of other bands, Kyo being very attentive to avoid the Phantasmagoria show. Kaoru frowned at him when Kyo stood up to left before the show, but didn't say anything. Kyo knew he was trying out Kaoru's patience by hating Kisaki without giving his reasons. But he didn't want to explain anything. After all, such festivals didn't happen often, so he had just to go through this day and then it will be over and he could forget that prick for good.
But as the time for the party finally approached, Kyo felt less and less confident. He so didn't want to see Kisaki that he was already considering just going home, fuck being impolite.
"Hey, Kyo-kun!" Shinya's voice sounded so close to him that Kyo jumped a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's ok, I was just deep in thought and didn't hear you coming."
"You ok?"
Kyo glanced at Shinya's worried face and shrugged.
"I wish I was already home."
Shinya patted him on the shoulder.
"It won't take long and I'm sure that you'll be able to avoid him."
"I hope so."
"Hey guys, what are you doing here? Let's go already!" Toshiya called from the corridor. Kyo stood up and sighed. Better to be done with it as soon as possible. Who knows, maybe he will get lucky and won't see the bastard at all.
For some time it looked like that was the case. Kyo didn't see anyone from that horrid band. The official part was over in less than an hour and everyone went to drinking and talking about the show and Hide. Kyo and the rest of the band talked to Yoshiki for some time and when Yoshiki went off to speak to others, Kyo finally turned to Kaoru with a very stern expression on his face.
"I'm going home."
"What? Kyo, the party has just started!"
"I'm not asking a permission, I'm just saying that I'm going home. You of course can stay, enjoy the party."
"Kyo, don't be like that, stay."
"Let him go, Kaoru. If Kyo doesn't want to stay, then it's his business" Shinya interfered and Kaoru glared at him. Die looked curiously at Shinya.
Kaoru looked like there were a lot of things that he wanted to say, but he decided not to. It was not a place and time to make a scene. Kyo, seeing this, smiled and bowed a bit.
"See you guys later. Bye!"
"Bye Kyo" Die and Toshiya said in union and Shinya smiled.
Kyo sighed in relief when he left the room and entered the empty corridor. He was already feeling better as he didn't have to see anyone at all.
Suddenly he heard silent footsteps just behind him and somebody grabbed him by his arm and turned him back. Kyo suddenly found himself looking at Kisaki. He wasn't wearing make-up anymore and looked like a normal guy, dressed in simple jeans and black shirt. Kisaki smirked, but didn't let go of Kyo's arm.
"What the fuck do you want?" Kyo spat his words out, hate filling every syllable he produced.
"I want to talk to you, Kyo-kun" Kisaki answered calmly and smiled. Oh how Kyo hated his fucking voice! Kisaki spoke as if his mouth was full of mashed potatoes. All his words were not completely clear and the tone of his voice was simply repulsive.
"But I don't want to talk to you. Let go of my hand!"
"What's going on here?"
Kyo and Kisaki both turned and saw Shinya heading right towards them. Toshiya, Die and Kaoru were hesitantly trailing after him. Kisaki finally let go of Kyo's hand and somehow managed to hide the irritation on his face. Apparently, being interrupted by others was not a part of his plan.
Shinya approached them and stood near Kyo, looking down at him a bit concerned.
"I saw Kisaki follow you as soon as you left the room so I decided to check out if everything was OK."
"How nice of you, Shin-chan, but we were just talking. Everything's fine" Kisaki answered not leting Kyo speak up.
Shinya glared at Kisaki, clearly angry that he answered instead of Kyo. Kaoru frowned and approached them closer.
"Sorry Kisaki, I don't know what got into them both. I thought we all could meet and talk nicely as it's been so many years already and we should just forget all our stupid fights."
"I think so too, Kaoru-kun" Kisaki said sweetly and smiled. "That's why I wanted to talk to Kyo alone. I just wanted to finally make up with him. I don't like when people hate me so much for no apparent reason."
"Shut up, you piece of shit!" Kyo screamed, finally not being able to keep himself calm. "You know perfectly well why I hate your guts!"
"Then tell us, Kyo-kun. Tell us all right now and end this pointless fighting" Kisaki smiled even wider and everyone turned to look at Kyo expectantly, only Shinya looked very worried all of a sudden.
Kyo was clearly not expecting this. He got silent and hesitant. He just stared back at the others and didn't say a word.
"Well, you see now, Kyo-kun, that you have no apparent reason to hate me" Kisaki was the first one to speak. "I'd love it if we could all just get along for the sake of the old times."
Kyo glared at him, but kept silent. He suddenly looked at Kaoru and smiled. In a few big steps he approached Kaoru and stood by his side, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. Kaoru was so surprised that he just stared at Kyo and then at Kisaki. Why on earth Kyo did this? Wasn't it a clear signal what their true relationship was? It wasn't something to be told to people outside the band.
"Kaoru-kun, please, let's just go home, OK? This party sucks" Kyo smiled and then turned to look Kisaki in the eyes, looking victorious. Kisaki suddenly paled. He clenched his hands into fits and pure contempt distorted his face.
"On the other hand, maybe I should tell you all what truly happened back then" Kisaki uttered through his clenched teeth. "Would you like that to happen, Kyo?"
Kyo froze to the spot and stared at Kisaki, his eyes full of horror.
"N-nothing happened, Kisaki, stop fucking around with us. I just hate you and that's all."
"Perhaps... But I would appreciate it if you'd spare me a moment of your precious time and just talk to me for five minutes in private. Huh? Will you?"
Kyo stared at Kisaki feeling helpless and scared like he still was a teen in La Sadies. Why the fuck did he let Kisaki know that he finally had Kaoru? He should have just turned around and left, ignoring the bastard's attempts to anger him. But now it was too late. If he didn't want Kisaki to tell the others, especially Kaoru, the whole truth, he had to obey.
"O-okay" he stuttered and let go of Kaoru's hand. "Let's go outside and have a smoke."
Shinya wanted to protest, but Kyo stopped him with his look and Shinya could just helplessly stare at him.
"Kyo, why wouldn't you just say what the hell happened between the two of you?" Kaoru demanded and Kyo turned to look at him for a moment, trying to look normal.
"It's really nothing. I think Kisaki's right, we should try to sort things out between both of us and stop this pointless fighting. I'll see you at home Kaoru. Bye!"
Kyo didn’t wait for the answer. He turned around and followed Kisaki outside. Fortunately no one was there. They stopped by the wall and Kyo immediately lit himself a cigarette. Kisaki was openly staring at him, but Kyo tried to pretend he didn't notice anything. He held the cigarette in his shaky hand and braced himself to face Kisaki finally.
"Well? What do you want?"
"So you and Kaoru, huh?" Kisaki asked and Kyo couldn't help but hear the slight note of something in his voice. Kyo nodded curtly, but didn't say anything.
"And Kaoru apparently doesn’t know anything about what was really going on when we all were still in a band?"
"No and I would appreciate it if it remained like that."
"You should have thought about it before you threw your relationship with Kaoru at my face, Kyo-kun" Kisaki smiled and Kyo felt goose bumps go through his body at the sight. This was not going to be good. Kisaki definitely wasn't going to be easy on Kyo.
"Kisaki, please, just leave us alone..."
"Oh, great!" Kisaki laughed. "You're begging me! I like it when you beg, Kyo-chan."
"I haven't done anything wrong to you, Kisaki. Please, just let me be."
"You're wrong here, Kyo. You did do something wrong to me. You denied me! You ditched me!"
"It wasn't like that at all and you know it! And after all it happened years ago! Can't we just forget all of that?"
"No. I can't forget and I don't want to. I've been following Dir en grey throughout the years and it was impossible not to notice how handsome you've become throughout the years. Especially now. You've never been so hot before."
Kyo subconsciously stepped back and just stared at Kisaki.
"So let's make a deal, Kyo" Kisaki smiled again and Kyo couldn't turn his eyes from him. "I'll be waiting for you this weekend at Nippon hotel's lobby. We'll spend there a great night and in return I will keep my mouth shut. Kaoru will be as clueless about the past as he is now. What do you think, is it a good deal?"
Kyo just stared at Kisaki, not wanting to believe that what he was hearing was true. He shook his head in denial and threw the cigarette on the ground, preparing to leave.
"Nippon hotel lobby, Kyo, on Friday at seven o’clock. If you won't come, I'll make an appointment with Kaoru and enlighten him of everything."
Kisaki put out his cigarette and smiled at Kyo for the last time. He eyed Kyo from head to toes and smirked.
"I can't already wait for the Friday to come. I've been dreaming about this for so long... Bye bye, Kyo-chan."
Kisaki turned and left. Kyo needed to sit down. He couldn't even think. It had to be some bad dream. It had to be. Otherwise he didn't know what to do. Both options were horrible. But in his mind telling Kaoru the whole truth sounded far worse than letting Kisaki get what he wanted.
***
I’d never even considered quitting my current band just because Shinya’s future band lacked a vocalist. I went to meet them all just out of pure curiosity. Who would have known that it would lead me here – with Kaoru as my long time lover, my whole life, my reason for living.
As soon as I saw him that first time, I couldn’t help thinking that he was just a perfect guy that I’ll never be. He was handsome, taller than me, very friendly and very professional. And he played a guitar, not like me – a fucking singer, too lazy to even learn to play some instrument.
On my way home with Shinya I found myself thinking the reason for which I could quit my current band and join them, join the band that Kaoru was in. I didn’t even stop myself to think why on earth I wanted that. I tried so hard to think of Kaoru as a role model for myself, as someone I wanted to be close to so that I could learn.
How far away I was from the true reason.
Only after a few weeks passed from forming La Sadies I was able to admit to myself – I fell in love. I fell in love with Kaoru. A guy. A guitarist in my band.
There were days when I would try to fight my true feelings, there were days when I didn’t even care of who he was and just wanted him badly. But there also were days when I would just lock myself in my room and stare blankly at the wall in front of me thinking about the only truth there was that I didn’t want to admit. Kaoru was not interested in men. And even if he was, he was definitely not interested in me.
“You know, Kaoru said that you should try harder in being a good singer. He doesn’t want the band to get ruined just because you fuck it up.”
I don’t know why the hell I instantly believed these words to be true. I’ve never even considered that it could be a fucked up lie. That Kaoru was a better person than to talk things like that behind my back.
It was what I thought was true, even though I dreamed of the total opposite. Perhaps I believed these words because I was so sorry for myself back then and I just needed a valid reason to be really sorry for myself and to have an excuse for my constant depression.
Kaoru thought I was a looser. What the hell would he think if he knew I was attracted to him? That I actually thought I was in love with him?
Perhaps then it would really be the end of the band. And it would really be my fault.
“They’ve discussed your performance last night and I’m afraid I’ve got no good news for you, Kyo-kun. They want to vote for kicking you out of the band. Shinya says he will not vote as you’re his friend. But Kaoru wants you out. Die doesn’t want to change anything as it will cause more problems, so he says you’re decent enough to stay. So it’s basically up to me.”
It was such a shock to hear this. I could only stare at Kisaki in hope that he was joking. I don’t know why the hell I didn’t turn around and just left. Why didn’t I confront Kaoru and asked him straight away why he was so unhappy with my performance?
But yet again I know the answer.
If it was true, then it would mean being out of the band and never seeing Kaoru again. And even if I knew he didn’t even like me, I wanted to be near him. I wanted to get better at everything so that Kaoru would finally acknowledge me. So that one day he would say to me ‘good job, you were fabulous on stage tonight, Kyo-kun’.
It would have been the end of all my dreams if I were out. So I had to stay in, at all costs.
And of course Kisaki had his cost. It was a gruesome suggestion, a disgusting offer as I didn’t feel even a little bit attracted to him. I didn’t really think much of Kisaki. He was never sincere with everyone, he was calculating, manipulative, power-seeking and cold fucktard.
But I was the most stupid of all because I believed every word he said.
He took me to a hotel, not even his place. Started taking off my clothes and touching me all over. Only when I was naked he then undressed himself and laid me on the bed. I felt so ashamed as he eyed me, his gaze lingering between my legs. I wanted to just die.
I tried getting hard, I really wanted to make it easier for myself, but I just couldn’t. My heart went to Kaoru and the least of all I wanted to do was sleep with somebody else than him. And not Kisaki above all.
He, of course, got angry. Wasn’t he good enough for me that I couldn’t just get turned on? Was I frigid? Couldn’t I get it up?
He started calling me names and exploring my whole body at the same time commenting everything he saw. My cheeks too chubby, my weird big nose and horrid teeth, my hands girly and fingers especially lean and thin and just elegant, not like a man’s fingers at all, my chest without a trace of muscles, my nipples looking stupid and weird, my stomach fat and soft, my hips too narrow, my dick too fucking small even as for a Japanese man, my balls looking like the ass of a hairy rat, my thighs fat and clumsy, my knees pointy and my feet huge like a Bigfoot’s.
I couldn’t even dare to ask him why then he wanted me if I was so repulsive?
I wanted to push him off and to go away. I wanted to do this the other way, to maybe find courage and talk to Kaoru, but he didn’t let me go. He didn’t leave me any choice. And he told me that he’ll pay me back by assuring my place in the band.
Afterwards I couldn’t make myself to get up. If this was how sex looked between men, then I didn’t want it. It was pain beyond my imagination. It hurt all over, made me bleed and made me so weak in the legs that I couldn’t even stand up without supporting myself on the wall.
But he promised me that he will talk to Kaoru and won’t let him throw me out of the band. He said he knew the reason why I wanted to stay in so desperately and just smirked at me. Perhaps the look on my face was priceless, because he laughed so hard that even tears showed up in his eyes. And then he explained. After hearing me call out for Kaoru in my sleep, he started to observe me and soon didn’t even need anyone else’s confirmation of what my feeling were towards the pink haired guitarist.
I begged him not to tell anyone, but he didn’t say anything. He just smirked at me and left the room.
I wanted to die. I truly did.
Kaoru hated me enough to want me out of the band and out of his life. I would never have him and I would never have an opportunity to tell him that I love him. And how could I, when I just let myself be fucked by Kisaki? What would Kaoru say? He’d perhaps ask what kind of love I have towards him if I fuck with other men. And I wouldn’t have anything to say back to him. He would be right.
God, I felt so low that night!
I barely managed to get out of the hotel and just strolled around the streets not knowing what to do. I wanted to stay in the band. I had to try and ask Shinya to vote for me in case Kisaki would change his mind.
Shinya was so startled when he opened the door late in the evening and found me standing there like I just heard a death sentence pronounced to me. He said my eyes looked mad and my jeans were bloody between my inner thighs though I didn't even notice. My clothes and hair a total mess. He let me in and made me sit somehow on the floor, asking me what happened.
It took quite some time for Shinya to make me believe that he, Die or Kaoru never even doubted my singing skills and never a problem of my performance was raised in either of their meetings when I was not around.
And I just broke down and told him everything. I told him how much I loved Kaoru and why I so blindly believed what Kisaki said to me. I told him what price I paid for making sure to stay in the band and Shinya was furious. I barely managed to make him swear that he won’t tell a soul about all that happened.
He took care of me that night and the following days and I breathed easier. He made sure I knew I was good at singing and that I’d be with them as long as La Sadies existed. He couldn’t say anything about Kaoru’s feelings towards me, but he made sure Kisaki kept a distance from me.
I couldn’t even look at the bastard’s direction and the band started to slowly fall apart. No work could be done well when all I wanted was to see the fucker jump off the building and fucking die. I loathed Kisaki, but at the same time I was scared shitless of him. And I was ashamed to look at him. He saw my ugly naked body, he fucked me, saw everything there was and I just couldn’t brace myself to look him in the eyes.
He wanted to repeat the happy hour, as he called it. Wanted to fuck me again and I shuddered only at the thought of it. He said if I didn’t do it, he’d tell Kaoru about my feelings for him. But only the thought of letting the same thing happen again made me want to jump off the building myself…
All I could do was turn to Shinya for advice yet again.
I don’t know what he did. I never really asked, because I didn’t want to know anything. But Shinya did something and since that day Kisaki started to ignore me and Kaoru didn’t get to know my feelings for him. I owed Shinya so much in such a short time.
Soon after that we disbanded. It was impossible to work when me and Shinya ignored Kisaki and avoided him as much as possible. Kaoru wasn’t happy about it. He talked to me or, actually, screamed at me many times. He wanted to know the reason of why I seemed to hate Kisaki all of a sudden. Of course I couldn’t tell him, so I just listened to his constant disapproving lectures about how all of us should do everything for the band to work. I felt guilty for ruining Kaoru’s dream and for making him so unhappy, but I just couldn’t be around Kisaki. With every passing day the tension got more and more unbearable.
So we disbanded. And when Kaoru said that he’s not going to quit trying and wanted the three of us, including me, in his other band, I couldn’t remember a time when I felt happier than then. Kisaki was gone and I was still with Kaoru in a band. Perhaps there was some hope even for me.
We got a new bassist, a wonderful, outgoing guy from Nagano. He soon became my roommate. The band started to really be getting somewhere and we started to become known.
The only thing that was missing in my life was Kaoru. He never talked to me about anything else than band-related business. And I still loved him. And with time it felt like I loved him more and more, even though it already seemed to be impossible.
Even though I lived with Toshiya and was relatively happy with everything going quite well in my life, I constantly felt lonely. I didn’t want any other guy or girl, I wanted just Kaoru. I devoted my right hand to constant evening jobs and felt even worse after that. Kaoru didn’t pay any attention to me as always.
But a miracle happened. I got half-deaf in my left ear. My days in a hospital consisted of constant pain and fear. Everyone visited me and prayed for me not to get deaf as it would certainly mean the end of the band, the end of Kaoru’s dream. The end of all my dreams.
Kaoru also visited me. He visited even after I was released home. We finally for the first time started talking about something else than work and I found out that Kaoru was even more interesting and more wonderful. We had so much in common and we got along so well. I never thought he would enjoy my company so much.
Since then Kaoru and I started getting closer. We became good friends and gradually, with time, the kiss became an inevitable step in our friendship. I felt concerned, totally taken aback and so madly in love that I was ready to give everything I had to him. And even though Kaoru just felt mildly attracted to me, we became a couple.
I never dared to ask him what he saw in me or why did he even decide to give me a chance. Why he kissed me and why he thought of me as worthy his attention. I was madly in love and I finally had him all to myself. My beloved Kaoru. My life. My reason for being happy. My reason for existing.
I just never imagined that Kisaki would be the cause of our split up.
I never managed to free myself from the happenings of that horrid night. I was scared to death of giving myself to Kaoru, to the man I adored and hearing similar things that Kisaki said to me. I couldn’t do it.
And Kaoru didn’t understand this. He never knew the true reasons behind my hesitance. He reached the limit of his patience and dumped me. And I started to hate Kisaki more than ever before, if that was even possible.

TBC
- 2
- 3
- 4
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The End of the Road