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Expressions of Love	By : sissouthernink1994 Category: Reality TV > The A-List: New York Views: 1145 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction based on a reality tv show. I don't own The A-List: New York. No profit gained. Full disclaimer below.

Chapter List
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- 4
Chapter 4: Derek and Ashley (Ashley is another friend of mine from college. Ashley is his middle so we all called him J Ashley. He loves the Tennessee Titans. If they were to throw a Super Bowl party together, Ashley would be watching the game and Derek would be watching the party. They also smoke. Ashley is a middle school band director but for this, I imagined him as a businessman in an awesome business suit. Again, it’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) Derek says he’s looking for an older man who has money. I think Ashley fits. And he really does look good in a suit.
Prompt: Fan Fic 100 #35- Hold My Hand (Alternate title- Trust)
Inspiration: “The Closer I Get to You” by Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway. (I don't own the song)
Summary: Letting go of insecurities allows one room to accept new blessings.
                Tonight Derek Saathoff was having dinner with a nice gentleman who he had been having dinner and going on dates with for about two months straight. Derek enjoyed his company. They had great conversations. And Derek thought he was incredibly handsome. The gentleman had even asked Derek if he wanted to be more than friends; Derek had yet to give an answer.
Two Months before…
                He and Ashley met at a charity function. They were standing near each other. Ashley was actually in a conversation with other people but Derek couldn’t miss his southern accent. He would find out later that it was a Tennessee accent. In between his own conversations, he took time to notice the well-tailored Armani suit. The collar and cuffs of his shirt were monogrammed. If he had worn a tie, it would have been an impeccable one. He must have a personal shopper, Derek thought. Occasionally, gentle blues eyes met Derek’s and he would quickly look away.
                Derek was outside on the terrace mingling with the other smokers when he saw him finish his cigarette and walk back in. Derek didn’t know who he was, but he seemed in his element, mingling with all the people. Laughter from the people next to him brought him back to the conversation. After being outside for a while, he wandered back in to the bar to order another drink. The scent of sexy, spicy expensive cologne attacked his senses and made him pause.
“Put his drink on my tab, Ted.” The voice said.
“Yes sir. What’ll you have sir?” The bartender asked Derek. He thought for a second.
“I’ll have an Apple-tini please.”
“Make mine a Sweet Martini.”
“Coming right up gentlemen.”
“Thank you.” Derek said and turned to the gentleman. “And thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. It seemed only fair since our eyes have been bumping into each other all that night that I try to actually bump into you.”The bartender placed their drinks on the bar.
“I’ve never had a Sweet Martini before.”
“It has sweet red Vermouth and a cherry instead of an olive. I’m in a kind of sweet mood tonight.”
“Why’s that?”
“Lots of people are here, supporting the charity and networking. Plus, I found a very handsome, attractive- hopefully single- man standing alone. Let me introduce myself. I’m J. Ashley Jareau.” He said holding out his hand to shake.
“Derek Saathoff. Nice to meet you.” Derek said as they shook.
“The pleasure is all mine. I’m happy to know your name.” Derek smiled at this.
“And since you were wondering, yes I am single.”
“Now that, makes me even happier.” Ashley replied with a huge smile on his face.
“Are you always this charming when talking to men?”
“Just the ones who catch my eye. What brings you here?”
“I heard about this charity from a friend of mine, Reichen Lehmkuhl, and he suggested that I come. I’m glad I did.”
“Oh I know Reichen. We’re worked together on some things before when I lived in L.A.” Ashley took a sip of his drink. “Did you have a chance to make your donation?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Good. Are you having a good time?”
“Most definitely. I love the atmosphere here! And it’s such a beautiful place. I’m going to recommend it to all the photographers I know. It would be a great place for model shoots.”
“Is that your industry?”
“Yes, I’m an agent. Some of my models are in some of the hugest campaigns all over the country and in Paris and Milan.”
“Sounds like you’re good at what you do.”
“I try my best. What about you? What’s your industry?”
“I work in the industry of getting things done.”
“Logistics?” Ashley shook his head no.
“Nah, it’s way beyond logistics. I’m the CEO of J & B Associates.”
“J &B. I’ve heard of that but I don’t know anything specific that you do.”
“That’s because we do it all. We have a law firm, companies that make medical equipment, TV and radio programs and station. We own a couple of record companies, construction companies. We make dishes, silverware, toys. You name it, we probably do it.”
“Wow, sounds like it keeps you pretty busy.”
“It does. Two years ago, I started to change my middle name from Ashley to ‘business meeting in 5 minutes’. I depend heavily on the heads of the departments. I look at report after report. I’m on business calls all day. That’s why I like events like these. I can get a chance to relax a little.”
“And have you been relaxing?” Derek said as he sipped his Apple-tini.
“I haven’t thought about a single report or e-mail since I saw you walk in the room.”
“There’s that charm again.” Derek replied, smiling.
“You’re smiling; I must be doing something right. Have you had anything from the buffet?”
“No, not yet.”
“Shall we?” Ashley asked as he held his arm out to guide Derek there.
“Sure, why not?” They walked over to the buffet and were handed plates. Once their plates were filled, Ashley suggested they sit at an out of the way table. It was much quieter than the others were although they were still able to see all of the people walking and talking. As Ashley sat, he made sure he sat where all of his attention would be focused on Derek; he didn’t want any distractions.
“I detect a very southern accent. Where are you from?”
“Nashville, Tennessee. What about you?”
“Kentucky, but I’ve lost my accent. I seem to pick it up when I go home though.” They laughed at that.
“Mine seems to stand out most when I’m exhausted or frustrated. So I have to keep it under control when I’m talking to our foreign partners. The southernisms start appearing.”
“Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I may not have much of my accent but those southernisms never go anywhere.” Reichen saw Derek, waved at him and he walked over to the table.
“Hi Reichen, how are you?”
“I’m good.” He replied as he and Derek hugged. “Ashley, good to see you man.” He said as they hugged.
“Good to see you too Reichen. It’s been a while. How long have you been in the city now?”
“Almost two years. You?”
“Going on six. I moved shortly after we worked on that project for UCLA. The B in J & B died and the heirs didn’t want to run the company, so I had to step up and take over per the will.”
“Wow, so I guess you’re loving it here.”
“New York’s been good; I can’t complain.”
“We should get together sometime and talk shop.”
“Yes, we should.”They exchanged information by beaming from their phones.
“I’ll let you guys get back to dinner. Hope to talk to you soon.”
“You too Reichen.” Ashley couldn’t see Reichen’s face, but he gave Derek a thumbs-up.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Absolutely.” Ashley replied.
“Does it bother any of the other companies you work with that you’re gay?” Ashley laughed a little at that.
“None have ever said it has.”
“I know you have a professional voice, but it is a little gay and I was just wondering.”
“No one has ever brought it up. I doesn’t matter to me if they know I’m gay or not. I am and I don’t make any apologies for it. Either they want to work with J & B or they don’t. My sexuality has nothing to do with my job.”
“I was just wondering. I work in fashion all the men I’ve met are gay; it’s just kind of expected. I never thought about how it would be outside of fashion.”
“I’m not worried about it. If they won’t do business with us because I’m gay, then we probably don’t want to do business with them anyway.”
                The two continued their conversation and found out just how many people they knew in common. It left them both wondering why they hadn’t met until tonight. By Derek’s calculations, they should have bumped into each other for the first time three years ago and almost every other weekend since then. Maybe tonight was the night they were supposed to meet. Can’t control destiny much.
                The charity party was still going full swing. The place was packed for a Tuesday night. Ashley looked at his watch and noticed the time. He needed to leave soon so he wouldn’t miss those early morning meetings. He didn’t want to go, but as CEO, he had to show responsibility, even if some of his employees would be coming in late the next morning and hung over.
“You really have to go?” Derek was putting on his best pout, hoping it would get Ashley to stay at least another hour. Maybe they could take a turn around the dance floor.
“Yeah. As soon as I walk in my office tomorrow, I’ll be minutes away from a meeting.”
“I was hoping we could get to talk some more.”
“Let’s exchange contact info.” They beamed their information to the other’s phone. “What are you doing this Friday night?”
“I’m supposed to be judging a contest at this club. Then probably hanging out with my friends.”
“What about Saturday?”
“Nothing that I know of.”
“Would you like to have dinner with me? I can pick you up about 7:30 and we’ll see what the night has in store for us.”
“I’d love to! Fancy, casual, fun- just let me know.”
“Ok.” Derek put forth his hand to shake but to his surprise, Ashley didn’t. “I’m very glad we met tonight. You made a very pleasant evening, even better.” Ashley brought Derek’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. Derek blushed deeply.
“Such the southern gentleman!”
“Just the way my daddy and granddaddies raised me to be.” They said good night and Derek felt like jumping. He ran outside to quickly have a cigarette to help calm him. When he came back in, he saw Reichen and Rodiney.
“So, how did it go with Ashley?” Reichen asked.
“OMG Reichen! He’s so handsome. And we just had the best conversation I’ve ever had on a date. Except it wasn’t really a date. And he kissed my hand at the end.”
“Reichen says he’s a keeper.” Rodiney commented.
“Oh, I hope so.”
“Yeah, if you caught his attention enough to drag him away from fundraising then he’s really into you. He never, ever leaves the fundraiser for anybody.”
“He asked me out for Friday but I’m judging your contest.”
“Oh, I could have found someone else, even last minute, if you wanted to go out with him.”
“No, it’s ok. We’re going Saturday instead. Oh, I still can’t believe he kissed my hand.” Derek went home to cloud nine.
                The rain the next day made the time at the office drag on and on. TJ and Ryan were coming to take him out to lunch. When they walked into his office, TJ was holding a vase full of yellow roses; some were naturally kissed with red on the tips of their petals. Derek was surprised when TJ set them down on his desk.
“Oh, you brought me flowers! How sweet! What’s the occasion?”
“Um…no, we didn’t bring the flowers and there’s no occasion, on our end anyway. The delivery guy came in right as we did and since we were coming back here to see you they asked if we could bring them back.” Ryan said.
“I wonder who’s sending me flowers.” Derek asked.
“Mmhmm, that’s what we want to know. Spill it Sister.” TJ said.
“Must be a client. They send me stuff all the time.” He reached for the card, saw his name on it and smiled with shock as he glanced at the bottom of the note to see who sent them.
“Oh, look Ryan. It must be good, just look at that smile.” TJ arched his eyebrow in interest.
“I’m looking, I’m looking. Care to share sugar?” Ryan asked Derek.
“This guy- this amazing, handsome, sexy guy I met at the charity function last night.”
“Well, let’s hear what he said.” TJ urged. Derek read the note aloud.
Dear Derek,
I’m hoping the rain hasn’t ruined your day. In case it has, I hope these flowers will make you smile. I’m so glad we met last night. I smiled all the way home. I’m looking forward to seeing you Saturday night and calling, texting and getting to know you in between. Until I can place another kiss on your hand…
Ashley
“A kiss on the hand?!” TJ exclaimed. “What’s that about?”
“He kissed me on the hand before he left last night.”
“A southern gentleman?” Ryan asked.
“Absolutely. And not far from home; he’s from Nashville, TN.”
“OMG, you are going to be unbearable aren’t you?”TJ commented.

“I’m gonna try really hard not to be. I don’t think I want to jinx this one by messing up the karma.”
Two months later…
“Dessert?” Ashley asked.
“Oh yes! Something with chocolate please.”
“You decide.” Derek looked at the dessert menu Ashley handed him to see if anything caught his eye.
“Let’s see…there’s chocolate cheesecake, turtle cheesecake, triple chocolate cake. Oh, here’s something interesting called chocolate insanity. I think that’s the one. But you have to share; I don’t want to eat it all by myself.” Their server had come back to the table ready to take away their dirty dishes.
“We’d like to order dessert. One chocolate insanity for two people and I’d like some coffee please.”
“Can you make it two coffees please?” The server wrote it down and took away the empty plates.
“So chocolate is a favorite huh?”
“Absolutely. Isn’t it everybody’s?”
“Well, I’m partial to deep dish apple pie myself. My grandmother’s recipe has cranberries mixed in with the apples and a pecan crust.”
“Sounds delicious. So who makes the pie now?”
“My mom, my sisters, my aunts. And I do when I get the chance.”
“You’ve never made it for me.”
“It’s not an everyday kind of pie; special occasions only. Maybe one day I will.” The sever brought the dessert with two spoons.
“I forward to it. Until then, I’m craving chocolate.”
“So am I.” The two gentlemen slowly savored the dessert. It was a chocolate cake, with chocolate mousse between the layers. There were bittersweet chocolate sprinkles on top of the mousse that crunched like pop rocks. Dark chocolate shavings covered the coffee flavored whipped cream; both adorned the top of the cake slice. Two small scoops of chocolate sorbet and a handful of raspberries pooled around it on the plate.
“Wow,” Derek whispered closing his eyes. “This is sooo good.”
“Mmm, I know. Sinfully good.” Ashley replied. The two cherished the dessert in silence for a few minutes. Ashley took a spoonful of the sorbet with a raspberry on it and slowly fed it to Derek. It was definitely a sexy, sensual move. He blushed and smiled. “I like the way you look when you’re happy.”
“You can tell I’m happy?”
“Yeah, there’s this… glow on your face that radiates your smile.” Derek wasn’t aware he glowed when something made him happy. He was impressed that this busy executive would notice something as small as that.
                They finished dessert. Ashley paid the bill and they decided to go for a walk along the pier. Their hands seemed to bump into each other and their fingers found themselves intertwining. Derek found himself smiling more and more when his thoughts turned to Ashley. He was a gorgeous, highly intelligent, rich, gentle man who was truly A-List (even more so than Derek was) and he was interested in Derek. And it wasn’t about sex. Ashley really cared for him and Derek could feel it. He cared for him too, but was afraid to take that step.
                Both men enjoyed looked at the Hudson at night. Ashley had an absolutely beautiful view from his luxurious condo. They had sipped dessert wine on the terrace watching the sunset and the moonrise over the Hudson. It was a cool, cloudless night and the almost full moon seemed to float on the river. Derek leaned on the wooden fence and took in the beautiful sight.
“The moon looks amazing tonight.” he said.
“It really does, doesn’t it?” Ashley came to stand behind Derek, admiring the slim and handsome young man who had captured his fancy. He noticed that Derek was shivering a little. The night air was chilly, but it was probably chillier since they were right on the river. Derek had on a thin sweater but it wasn’t helping much. “You’re shivering. Here, take my jacket.” Ashley removed his jacket and placed it on Derek’s shoulders.
“What about you?”
“I’m fine. I think my sweater is a little thicker than yours is. Besides, my body temperature always rises a little when I’m near you.” Ashley replied. Derek gave him a surprised look. He had never heard Ashley mention having felt that way about him.
“You sure?”
“I’m positive. Just don’t go anywhere; my keys are in the pocket.” They laughed a little. Ashley’s heart was beating so hard and so fast that he was sure Derek would be able to hear it. He gently slid his arms around Derek’s waist and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“What’s that for?” he asked. He leaned back into the embrace and could feel Ashley shrug.
“Do I need a reason to kiss a handsome man?”
“There you go with that charm again.” It made Derek smile when Ashley did or said things like that.
“I feel that I have to constantly fine tune it with you. It’s kinda weak at the moment.” Derek turned to face him.
“Why makes you say that?”
“If it was stronger then we would be in a relationship, we’d be a couple instead of two people who are just seeing each other.”
“I just don’t know about being in a relationship right now. I don’t want to get hurt again. I was so hurt by boyfriends and men trying to be my boyfriends and nothing seemed to work out.”
“So why not give me a chance? I don’t hurt people; I can’t. I can’t hurt someone the way I’ve been hurt.”Ashley pulled him a little closer to him. “I could never hurt you.”
“I just…I don’t know. And you know how I am. I can be a bit of a bitch!”
“I know, I’ve seen it.” Derek covered his mouth.
“Wait; have I been a bitch to you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh Ashley, please tell when I am. I need to know; I can’t be that way with you. If I have been I’m so sorry.”
“You’ve haven’t baby. You are assertive, which means you stand up for yourself. You are blunt at times, letting your feelings known. Which is why I’m confused.” The puzzled look on Derek’s face showed that he had no clue. “You won’t stand up for yourself regarding love. You won’t let your feelings known; you won’t tell me what you want.”
“I haven’t been clear?”
“Not really. I know what you’re looking for in a man and a relationship. I know you care about me, but what I don’t know is if you care enough to be in relationship with me. Because you know, I do want to be in a relationship with you.” Derek hung his head. He tried so hard to avoid these conversations. He wanted love, but letting go and the risk of getting hurt was scaring him. Ashley kissed his forehand.
“If you just want someone that you get along with to go out with you, to be seen with, let me know. I don’t have a problem being that for you. Even if we ended up as Friends with Benefits, I wouldn’t have a problem being that for you either. But that’s not what I want and I have a feeling that you don’t either.” Ashley placed his index finger under Derek’s chin and raised his head so they were now looking into each other’s eyes. “Think about it.”
“I do think about it, a lot. I do care for you and I do want to be in a relationship. But I’m so afraid of being hurt again. It’s a trust thing.”
“Do you trust me when I say I’m going to pick up you and we’re going to have a great time that we will?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you pick me up and we always have a great time together.”
“Did you trust me when I said that you would like shopping at the places I suggested?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I did enjoy it.”
“You trusted me when we went on that helicopter ride. I told you that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you and it didn’t; you held my hand the whole time.”
“I was scared shitless. And I was afraid I was going to fall out.”
“But you didn’t. I asked you to trust me and you did. So what’s so different now?” Ashley’s voice remained caring and loving as he spoke to Derek. Tears welled up in Derek’s eyes.
“I don’t know.” He said as the tears trickled down his cheeks. Ashley pulled him closer; he wiped a few tears away with the pads of his thumbs.
“I know this is a huge step for you, knowing what you’ve been through. But think about this, letting go of your insecurities allows you room to accept new blessings. Suppose this new blessing is the chance to fall in love?”
“Leaps of faith are not easy for me.”
“I know and you’re not alone in this. But I am excited about the chance to fall in love and even more so that I could fall in love with you.” Derek looked away as his tears continued to fall. “You can trust your heart to me, Derek. I promise you that. I will never hurt you.”
“But how do I know that?” He asked as he wiped his tears with the back of his hand. Ashley thought a moment.
“Let’s try this. Say yes to being my boyfriend tonight and in three months if you don’t feel a part of this relationship or have different feelings all together, we’ll wish each other well and try our best to part as friends.” Derek sniffed and gave a confused look.
“What?”
“Let’s give it three months. By that time, you will know for sure if this is what you want and where you need to be. And if not, we’ll go our separate ways.”
“Knowing how you feel about me now, you would walk away if I said I changed my mind?”
“If that’s what you feel you need for your life, then yes.”
“Why?”
“Because if you aren’t happy, that would mean you’re hurting and I don’t want you to hurt. I don’t want to be the cause of that hurt.”
“Nobody says stuff like that; nobody does stuff like that.”
“I’m willing to be that person, if that’s what you need.”Ashley whispered.
“Ashley I...I just...”
“Give me a try Derek, give us a try. Give yourself the chance to fall in love. Three months is all I’m asking.”
                Derek looked into Ashley’s blue eyes. There he could see warmth, care, and concern. He could see trust. Most importantly, he could see the chance of a lifetime- the chance to fall in love.
“What if, after three months things are good? What if after a year, I feel differently?”
“Same rules apply. If you’re not happy, you’re hurting.”
Derek laid his head against Ashley’s shoulder and sighed. Ashley knew the severity of this request. He knew how uncomfortable this first step was going to be, but he waited patiently and let Derek decide. He placed a tender kiss on his intended’s temple and to his surprise, Derek looked up. Their lips met in a compassionate and understanding kiss. The kiss deepened when it allowed their tongues to feel each other and arms wrapped around bodies. When the kiss broke, Derek seemed to have his answer.
“Three months?” Derek whispered.
“Three months.” Ashley responded as he kissed the last of Derek’s tears away.
“Ok, I’ll take the chance of a lifetime. Let’s be boyfriends and if in three months neither of us is happy then we’ll part.”
“All I want for us is the chance. If we take the first step, Love with do the rest.”
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Expressions of Love