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Lust In Love	By : Majer Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Linkin Park Views: 1390 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Linkin Park. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Later that week

Mike woke up and the first thing he noticed was the silence. It crept over him and felt heavy on his chest as it tugged around him like a cool blanket. Chills were shooting through his body as he became aware of the fact that the cover wasn’t on him anymore. With a lazy movement, he reached down and grabbed a hold of a corner to pull it over his head. He closed his eyes and several images of both Gemma and the now empty bed flashed before his eyes. He took a deep breath and turned around so that he was on his stomach. With his head buried in the pillow, he started thinking about what to make of his feelings. He wasn’t so sure if he was in love with Gemma – or just the idea of her. He had to admit that she had a very powerful affect on him, and he loved the way her smile made him warm inside. But was it love? Or lust? Or… Mike banged his fist into the pillow and sighed. He hated himself for having brought this problem into his life. Why couldn’t he just have resisted her? Why did he have to be this weak? He needed some kind of sign from her… how did she feel? Even though they slept together, he knew that her heart was with Rob. ‘And it probably always will be…’ he groaned with frustration and couldn’t quite figure out if that in fact did bother him or not. Mike knew that Rob still loved Gemma – he could tell it from the sadness that showed in his eyes during their talk. He might have meant what he said about letting go of Gemma, but … Mike turned around in his bed and sighed. Everything was a mess, and he was starting to get bothered by the fact that that he hadn’t talked to Anna. ‘Do I miss her?’ Mike asked himself and forced his eyes shot. ‘Is that what I’m feeling?’

---

Gemma opened her eyes and moved a hand over to the empty side of the bed. ‘If things were right, he would be sleeping next to me… close to me’. Her hand smoothed over the empty bed and the sheets felt cool against her hand. Her smile that had been a result of the safety she left behind in her dreams altered into a frown as the feeling of loneliness settled in her mind. Her thoughts kept replaying the scenes of her last talk with Rob. Couldn’t he see that she didn’t want him to let her go? She wanted him to take her in his arms and make her feel safe again. He had looked so calm and collected when he said that he knew about her and Mike. Mike…. She closed her eyes as the name made its way into her brain. Mike and her? She wasn’t sure that there was anything there. For her. Or for Mike. But why wasn’t Rob showing more sadness? Had he really given up on her? For good… the thoughts were echoing inside of her head as the need to feel his warm body resting next to her grew in her chest. ‘Why did I throw it all away?’ She let out a silent sigh as small images of Rob started dancing around in her mind. His eyes, his smile, his touch, his scent … she opened her eyes to avoid the images – but didn’t succeed. She felt a familiar warmth spread in the pit of her stomach. ‘Why do I have to need him so much?’ asking herself this question, she frowned thinking that it suited her situation with both Mike and Rob. Mike… every time he touched her – she wanted more. Would that ever change? If she was going to have a future with Rob – it had to change. ‘But he let me go’ with her breath caught in her throat, she escaped into the reality of her dreams.

---

Feeling the cold wind on his skin, Rob pulled his hood up and shuttered against the chills. He was walking towards Chester’s place, hoping for some friendly advice on the situation. ‘She misses me’ he couldn’t get past the intense feeling of happiness that spread to his entire being when he thought about her words. She missed him. And he had been able to tell that she was being sincere. Now, Rob needed to find out whether or not he missed her – or if it was just the memories of being with her that kept making him need her. He looked down to his feet, both to hide from the people walking past him, and to shield from the wind. Was he in fact too hurt from all this to be ever give her a second chance? He would like to think that they had a future – but he still had a doubt eating away inside of him. Rob tugged his hands inside of his front pocket on his jumper and shook his head. He wasn’t sure anymore – about anything. The conversation had left him with such confusion. He couldn’t keep up with the cool façade as he had hoped at first – he couldn’t hide his love. As he turned the corner and walked up Chester’s driveway, he felt his head become heavy from the thoughts.

When Rob entered the living room, he saw that Brad was there as well. He smiled to himself, glad to see that his levelheaded friend had joined them. Chester greeted him with a smile and signalled for him to take a seat next to Brad on the couch.
“How are you feeling, dude?” Brad’s concerned eyes rested on his friend.
“Not too damn good.” Rob replied with honesty and smiled in Brad’s direction without in his eyes.
“Who would in your situation?” Chester asked and shook his head in disbelief. “I still can’t believe it… Mike and Gemma… That’s just…”
“I know.” Rob interrupted knowing full well where Chester was going with his sentence. He nodded slowly and met Chester’s eyes. “I know.”
“I mean… I don’t know Gemma that well. But I never saw Mike as someone who would do this kind of thing.” Brad nodded along to Chester’s words, thinking the same thing.
“Well… the problem is … I find it hard to blame him. I want to. And I want to hate Gemma. And Mike. But I can’t.” Rob sighed and looked down on his fingers that were drumming lightly on his knees.
“So you are still in love with her?” Brad looked at Rob who didn’t return his wish to make eye contact. After some time, Rob stopped drumming with his fingers and his head snapped up to meet Brad’s eyes.
“Seriously?” He had a puzzled look in his eyes. “I don’t know. I feel empty right now… but… yeah, I think that I might…” He sighed. “… still love her.” Rob frowned slightly while admitting to his painful feelings. “It’s just… this wasn’t supposed to happen. We were happy. You know?” Both Brad and Chester nodded but remained completely silent as Rob talked. They felt sorry for him, but didn’t want to show it too much knowing that it wouldn’t do him any good.

---

Later that evening.

Gemma stood still on the pavement and looked through the windows. It was her favourite bar; she had often come here with her friends when they had a night out. She had been standing in the cold for a good 15 minutes now, wondering if she should go in there or not. Only one thing was holding her back. Phoenix. He was sat at the bar talking to some guy that Gemma didn’t know. She was afraid to face him – knowing that he would probably be filled with a lot of questions regarding Rob. And maybe Mike too. She looked down both sides of the street and sighed. The wind was horribly prickling in her face and she desperately needed to talk to someone … even if that meant one of Rob’s good friends. She moved forward and placed a hand on the cold doorknob. Realizing that her hand was even colder and almost numb sent chills down to her spine. She gazed almost secretively at Phoenix when entering the room. As she expected, he turned around when the door closed. He half-smiled and signalled for her to come over. She walked over slowly and looked around the room making sure that Phoenix didn’t have some hidden secrets with him that could pop up suddenly. She didn’t recognize anyone, and felt herself calm down somewhat. She tensed up the second she sat down next to Phoenix at the counter.
“What can I get you?” His eyes looked so friendly that she felt she could get lost in them.
“Erm… whatever you are having.” She took a quick glance at his drink that was placed in front of him. “What exactly are you having?” She chuckled.
“Tequila sunrise.” He replied and smiled.
“Wanna do some shots with me instead? I could use some alcohol in my veins right now.” She motioned for the bartender to come over.
“Sure, girl. Always.” He chuckled lightly but his face was soon dominated with a serious frown. “That bad, huh?”
“Pretty much. Yeah.” She looked up at him and was again surprised to see him smile in a concerned and heart-warming manner.
“Thanks.” She uttered the word silently and watched him order tequila shots. After having done so, his gaze fell back on her.
“Don’t even mention it. Maybe it’ll help ease your mind a bit and you’ll be able to talk about it.” His lips curled into a smile as he divided the ten ordered tequila shots between them.
“But I’m not sure I know what to say…” She looked down at the five shots in front of her and then back up at him. He was nodding while arranging his shots into a straight line.
“I know. But it always helps to talk about it. And sometimes it’s easier when you are not all that close to the person you are talking to… Just take it as it comes, girl… Deal?!” He moved his hand towards her and she accepted it with hers.
“Deal.” She looked him straight in the eye and felt herself smile for the first time in a while.
“See… now we shook on it. No turning back.” His smile widened.
“Thanks.” She smiled back, realizing how stupid she probably sounded, but he didn’t seem to mind. He simply gave her hand a soft squeeze before raising a shot with his free hand.
“Ready?”
“More than ever.” She raised one as well and swallowed the liquid. It was burning its way down and she closed her eyes, feeling the sensation spread throughout her entire being. She licked her lips slowly and opened her eyes again. Phoenix was looking at her and with a smile on his face, he downed his own.
“So… why are you here tonight?” Gemma looked at Phoenix wanting to ease the situation of sitting here with Rob’s friend. To be honest, she was afraid that he would bring up the subject of Mike and Rob.
“I just needed some space, I guess.” He sighed and downed another shot, signalling for her take one as well.
“From?” Gemma quickly downed the shot and turned her eyes back at Phoenix.
“Everything. It’s been going really fast these last couple of weeks. With the band and my personal life. And the tension between Mike and Rob have been … well, I don’t have to tell you. It’s not making anything easier… on any of us.” He saw her face frown and put his hand on her shoulder.
“Sorry.” She looked away from him and down to the table.
“Don’t be… that’s not why I said it.” He took one of her shots and handed it to her. “Here.”
“Thanks.” A half-heartedly smile appeared on her lips and she accepted the shot gladly. After having taking one each, she looked back at him. “So… your personal life? Do tell.”
“Yeah. Just met someone new – and I want it to work. It’s just hard to put in the time and effort, when you hardly have any to spare…” He tried to smile and saw her nodding. It was obvious that she understood what he was saying.
“Anyone I know?” She smiled at him, and saw the love in his eyes.
“No… no one you know. But I think that you two could become really good friends.” He glanced around the room behind him and sighed. “She’s lovely.” He cleared his throat and lifted his eyebrow. “Ready for another one?”
“Sure… they seem to relax me.” She smiled and felt the soothing fire making it’s way down her throat.
“Now… I think it’s your turn, girl.” He winked at her.
“What do you mean?” Gemma knew exactly what he meant, but was hoping to avoid the subject.
“What’s up with you three?” His eyes were showing great concern.
“Oh… it’s really complicated. No one is really with anyone.” She sighed and turned to look away from him. “I don’t know where to go from here, to tell you the truth… I feel lost.”
“Let’s start off with … Mike.” He took her hand and turned her towards him, so that their eyes met. She sighed and looked down on their hands.
“Mike is… He drives me crazy. I can’t seem to get enough of him. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I don’t know how he feels though… “ She knew that these words wouldn’t be coming out of her mouth if she hadn’t had those shots. She was starting to feel light headed and for some stupid reason, she just felt like smiling, but knowing that it wouldn’t be the best thing to do during this conversation, she stopped herself.
“Have you talked to Mike about it?” Phoenix realized that they were still holding hands and let go.
“I can’t. I don’t know what to say… I don’t even know how I feel.” She looked down at her hands nervously.
“Rob?” She looked up at him and could no longer prevent the smile from breaking through. Without any hesitance, she replied.
“I love Rob.” She heard her own voice giggle while saying the words out loud.
“Ah…” He smiled back when seeing the happiness in her eyes.
“But I can’t … I mean, I’m not sure if he can ever love me again. Not anymore.”
“Again? What makes you think that he ever stopped.” His eyes were searching hers.
“What?” She felt a sting of disbelief. She didn’t have the nerve to hope. Did Phoenix know something that she didn’t?
“Why do you think that he stopped loving you?” She noticed that he was looking at her with deep concern and her smile altered into a light frown.
“You know what I did to him. How hurt he was.” She looked into his eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of the answer that she was searching for.
“I know.” He nodded slowly and looked around him as if making sure no one heard what they were talking about. “Hurt, yeah. But I’ll bet you anything that he still loves you.”
“Has he said anything?” Gemma felt a tingle in the pit of her stomach as hope crept up on her. Something she hadn’t experienced for a long time.
“Not to me, no.” She felt the hope slip away slowly.
“Well…” She no longer had the urge to smile. Or laugh. She wanted to cry – but she was all dried out. Instead she grabbed one of his shots and gave it to him. “I think it’s time for one more.” He nodded and watched her as she swallowed the shot as if she was in a hurry. He copied her actions and looked intensely at her.
“But Gemma… I can tell.” He made sure that he had her full attention before saying any more. “He still loves you.”
“And Mike?” She was secretively hoping that Phoenix would tell her that Mike still loved Anna, or that he didn’t have any intentions of falling in love with her. But the mere thought of it having been nothing more than raw animalistic de, ma, made her stomach tie up in knots. After all, she wanted it to be more than that.
“I don’t know about Mike, but… if you love Rob… Should it really matter?” He padded her gently on the back and saw a smile spread across her lips.
“I guess not.”

---

Some time & several shots later

Giggling away Gemma slid off the bar stool and took a hold on to Phoenix’s arm.
“You okay, girl?” He slurred, almost tilting off the stool himself.
“Yess.” She replied with a goofy grin on her face and she nuzzled his hair. “Very.”
“Where are you going?” He looked around the room but decided that it would be better to keep his eyes firmly locked on something, if he didn’t want to be sick. Everything seemed blurry.
“Going?” She questioned his remark. “Oooh right…I forgot.” She giggled even more and hugged him. “Where do you think I should go?”
“I don’t think you need me to tell you… do you?” He smiled widely at her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before standing up as well.
“You’re right…” A second’s soberness came over her and she nodded. “I know. But what about you? I don’t want to leave you here all by yourself…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m leaving too. I have to go and see my girl.”
“Yay for Phoenix.” She giggled even more and gave him another hug. “Thank you for this. I needed it.”
”Don’t thank me. I needed it just as much.” He smiled and pulled out his cell phone from his pocket. As he started to dial a number, she waved to him and staggered out the door. She quickly got herself a cab and without thinking twice about it, she heard herself give the driver an address. Rob’s address. ‘Now or never’ she thought to herself and smiled.
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