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Miwaku no Zakuro	By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2861 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey, X Japan, or KISAKI, and do not profit from this work.

Chapter List
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“I endured all I could; so much it almost killed me.”
Kyo rested his cheek against the window, letting the indistinct shadows of raindrops down the glass paint tears that he could no longer shed onto his skin. He’d already cried for so long. All night, the night Toshiya was stabbed; confused and terrified and overwhelmed. And the entire day afterwards; stricken by the sudden loss of the bright eyes, wide smiles, and weird, wheezing laughs he had come to take for granted from his big brother. On and off sporadically over the course of the next two days; sorrow crashing over him unexpectedly, unavoidably, until finally the tears ran dry. He simply had no more left to give.
‘Come back… please…’
‘Totchi, why can’t you come back?’
“I even held out my hands, but...”
In the days following the incident, Kyo had faltered in his duties, trying his best to keep up with his master’s flagging mood and failing miserably under the weight of his horror. Kaoru had to remind himself, through the haze of his own fury and sadness, that his pet was still a very new denizen of this dark underworld of theirs. Witnessing such violence could be quite traumatizing to those unused to bloodshed, particularly when it involved someone so deeply loved as Toshiya. For the first couple of nights, the blonde hadn’t slept at all, so the doctor Kaoru kept on site had given him some sleeping pills. He was constantly sick to his stomach as well; he had to be just about force-fed his meals.
‘Can’t you see how much we need you?’
“I ended up here, now.”
Kaoru had also vastly slackened Kyo’s leash, seeing that the hours spent confined in solitude only exacerbated the younger man’s grief. He was now allowed to wander the mansion freely – though he was assigned an armed escort at all times, and he wasn’t allowed outside – so long as he returned to the master suite by the time Kaoru was done with his work for the day. But he couldn’t enjoy this new freedom, not with the circumstances under which it had been granted. He’d spent every moment of it in this room, staring mournfully out the window overlooking a koi pond, trying to comprehend the most recent turn his life had taken, catching him unawares and ripping him apart inside.
‘I don’t understand…’
“We’re in hell, under control of Him.”
Off to one side, a phone jingled merrily, and he shot it a vicious glare. He hated that damnable thing, with its constant, sickening chimes, chirps, beeps, and songs. He hated the clattering jumble of charms hanging off of it, he hated the cartoony little monsters that decorated its protective sleeve, and he hated the single crack running through the center of its screen. He hated it because it was Toshiya’s, and because it was constantly calling for attention that couldn’t be given.
‘Shut up, SHUT UP!’
‘Don’t you know he’s not going to answer?!’
‘He can’t… he…’
His voice wavered as he sang.
“The end has been announced…”
Kyo had seen Toshiya’s bedroom once before, back in December when the blue-haired man had been tutoring him. Then, the scarlet motif of the room had been a fascinating window into Toshiya’s psyche; the need for true passion an unexpected characteristic in one who peddled chemical highs and the very basest pleasures. Now, though he couldn’t bring himself to stay away from it, needing even this miserable imitation of closeness with his friend, it was just a sickening reminder of that night. The blood that had spread out across the floor, pooling up sticky and hot with life around his fingers as he tried to cover the wound, soaking into his gloves and staining him forever. So much blood… Too much blood.
‘Why would anyone want to hurt you?’
“By a light that has disappeared…”
He was haunted by the memory of it. Seeing Toshiya lying there, so pale, so still, so peaceful… like a beautiful doll, cruelly discarded. It felt like it couldn’t be real, like it was just a terrible dream too vivid to wake up from. That couldn’t be Toshiya lying there! Toshiya was always so very alive, constantly moving, constantly smiling, constantly flirting with playful touches and coy smiles that never quite reached his eyes until he was talking to Die. Toshiya – who read crappy romance novels and yearned for every word of them, never allowing himself to give up hope for something beautiful he could call his own after a life of filth – could never lie so still. Toshiya – who savored every moment of his sordid past, regretting nothing because his memories made him who he was, and the crooked path he had taken had brought him into the family he loved so dearly – could never be so silent.
‘Why can’t you just come back to us…?’
“By a stage that is dark.”
Kaoru had been drinking more heavily than ever before, and was often in such a foul mood that nothing Kyo did could salvage it. He feared Kaoru in those moments, feared that the strain would break through the man’s poise and he would lash out at the nearest available target. More than once, he had come very close – a tattooed hand rising in impending violence against his pet – and Kyo had had no option but to squeeze his eyes shut and brace himself for impact. He couldn’t fight Kaoru, not now, never again; Time Out now would destroy him. But Kaoru stopped himself every time, jerking his hand back before turning away and pacing the room like a caged panther. And every time, Kyo would wait until he saw the anger in his master shift to grief – helpless and seething – before moving ever so carefully to offer comfort in the simplest form he knew; allowing Kaoru’s arms to wrap around him and hold him with bruising force.
‘He needs you… I need you…’
“I want to hear your voice more...”
Shinya wasn’t handling it very well either; he’d shut down almost entirely, sinking into an apathetic sort of depression, silent and moving with a mechanical slowness through his days. He never cried where he could be seen, but he often showed up to dinner with blood-shot eyes and an imperceptibly-quivering lower lip, picking at his food with listless disinterest and hardly eating any of it. He had been given sleeping pills as well. Die… Kyo worried for Die. No one had seen or heard from him in the week since the incident. Kaoru said that the redhead was hunting down whoever had attacked their brother, and that he wouldn’t stop or come home until the perpetrator was in their grasp, but the more time went on, the more Kyo worried that something had happened to him.
‘We all need you, Totchi… did we ever tell you…?’
“I want to be here more, so badly.”
“’S a pretty song…”
At that raspy voice, Kyo’s heart skipped into his throat and he stopped singing, whipping around to stare at the massive bed in the middle of the room. “To-… Toshiya?”
Toshiya was still lying there, his slender limbs looking so frail attached to the IV and so many machines, his skin so pale against the deep crimson of his bed sheets. He was still motionless, still sickly and delicate-looking, still balanced so precariously between life and death that one could scarcely breathe in his presence for fear of pushing him over to the wrong side. But for the first time in a week, for the first time since the attack, his eyes were open.
“Oh gods, Totchi!” Kyo breathed, tears he’d been so sure he was out of flooding his eyes as he flew across the room to the door, flinging it open and calling out to his escort stationed in the hallway, “Call the doctor! He’s awake!” Slamming the door in the guard’s startled face, he ran back to the bed, breathless under the strain of his relief. “You’re awake… oh, Totchi, you’re awake!”
“Unh… feel like shit… th’ hell happened? D’I get… hit by a car or somethin’?” the blue-haired man slurred with a pained grimace.
Kyo laughed a little, wiping at his eyes and reaching out to grasp the older man’s hand – something he’d found himself doing many times over the past few days. “No, you got stabbed, remember?”
Toshiya looked groggily indignant. “Wha’? Stabbed? Who is… stabbed me? Fuck… ‘s ‘nother damn john, i’n’t it?! Tryin’ t’ get outta payin’ me…”
Kyo shook his head. The doctor had mentioned that should Toshiya wake up, he would likely be a bit disoriented. “No, nothing like that. You don’t do that anymore. We were dancing, remember? At the club? Someone came up behind you and… w-we don’t know who it was. Die’s been gone since it happened, though, hunting the guy down, so we’ll have him soon.”
“Ugh. Fuckin’… rude! Stabbin’ me in the… th’ damn… in my back!”
Kyo cracked a watery grin. “Yes, it’s very rude.”
“Wha’s… Why’re you cryin’? Don’ cry, ‘m fine. Been stabbed lo’s of times.”
“You’ve been asleep for a week! You… you lost so much blood and the doctor said you might not-… even when you made it through the surgery, we weren’t sure i-… when you were going to wake up.”
Toshiya frowned blearily at the aborted confessions. The doctor said he might not… what, wake up? At all? Had he really come so close to dying? “Oh…”
The doctor swept into the room then, trailed by his crew of nurses, and Kyo had to tuck himself into a narrow space at the head of the bed to stay out of the way. A dizzying round of tests, careful examinations, and questions flew by as the medical team assessed Toshiya, but Kyo found he couldn’t care about anything other than the fact that his brother was awake. His eyes were open, he was moving, cracking pained smiles and whining fussily, and he was awake. After a week teetering on the razor edge of death, he was alive, and Kyo cried silently, overjoyed. When the doctor took a moment to scribble down some notes from the readings on the machines, apparently very pleased with what he found there, Kyo leaned down to whisper in Toshiya’s ear.
“Gods, Totchi, it’s… I’m so glad you’re okay! I have to go tell Master Kaoru you’re awake, he’ll be so happy.”
“Wassat… wait!” Toshiya called, flapping one hand weakly after the blonde, then dropping it with a wince when the motion aggravated his injuries.
Kyo held back, cocking his head. “What’s wrong?”
Toshiya looked distressed. “I almos’… almost died an’ I di’n’t… I never told Die that I love ‘im… he would never’ve known…”
To their credit, the doctor and nurses tried very hard to appear as though they hadn’t heard those words. Toshiya, Shinya, and Die were like unto demi-gods in their household – beings more and better than the mere mortals they reigned over – so such a longing confession came as a something of a shock to the medical staff.
Kyo smiled and pushed a bit of hair out of the older man’s face. “Well, you’ve gotten a second chance, ne? Not everybody gets those, you know!”
“Second chance? Aa… I won’… won’ waste it… my Die…”
The doctor put a hand on Kyo’s arm to catch his attention. “You can tell Mister Niikura that it looks like Mister Hara is going be alright. He’s going to be on bedrest for quite a while, though.”
Kyo grinned and whipped around, ducking past a nurse and running out of the room. His escort yelled something indistinguishable behind him, but he didn’t stop or slow, simply calling out over his shoulder, “Hurry up, Tatsuaki!”
He heard a distant curse and dismissed it entirely. There were two men that alternated days watching over him while he was out and about in the mansion, and this one generally didn’t seem to like him much regardless of how he behaved, so he didn’t feel all that bad about giving him some trouble. Besides, his master had demanded to be informed the moment Toshiya’s condition changed, so he couldn’t very well dawdle on the way to deliver the news, could he? His heart skipped excitedly and he picked up to an almost reckless speed, vaulting over a long couch in the entry area of the courtesan house and dodging two finely-dressed, startled-looking women to pass into the hall to the main house.
‘He’s awake!’
‘He’s awake and he’s going to be okay!’
‘Kaoru will be so happy!’
More than a few people in the hall faltered and gaped at the wild, ecstatic laugh trailing behind the black-and-blond blur. He didn’t care about any of them, darting around any that blocked his path and completely disregarding all the rest. Kyo blew past the pair of guards standing watch outside Kaoru’s office – offered no resistance because they knew who he was, though Tatsuaki was barred from entry – and skidded to a halt in the center of the room. Panting, he cast about eagerly for his master, frowning a little in confusion when he found the desk to be abandoned. The little porch off to one side that the older man used for smoking was vacant as well.
“He’s downstairs,” a familiar voice called, laced heavily with exhaustion.
Kyo spun, shocked to find Die slumped miserably in a chair near the door. His biggest brother looked absolutely worn ragged, with a week’s worth of stubble on pale cheeks, dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, his clothes – the ones he’d been wearing that night at the club – still stained with Toshiya’s blood, filthy and ragged. A cigarette was burning itself to death in one limp hand, chunks of ash falling unheeded onto his shoe. Even his usually-vibrant hair was a dull, ruddy mess around his face.
“Die! Does this mean you found the guy that hurt Totchi?” Kyo asked excitedly.
‘He’s back and Totchi’s awake!’
‘Everyone is home and safe again!’
‘Everything is going to be okay…’
Die nodded tiredly, gesturing to a door nestled between two bookshelves that Kyo had never noticed before. “Aa. Kaoru’s been questioning him all day.”
“‘All day?’ When did you get back?”
“Late last night. Or… maybe early this morning? Not sure…” Die murmured.
Kyo’s smile dropped a bit. “That long? Have you just been sitting here this whole time?”
Another nod.
“But… why haven’t you gone to see Toshiya? We… didn’t Master Kaoru tell you he… that he…?”
Die cringed, looking away. “Is probably dying? Yeah, he told me.”
“…” Kyo crossed over the room, crouching in front of the redhead. “Die, he’s okay. Toshiya just woke up; he’s going to be okay! You should go see him.”
Relief flashed in the older man’s eyes, but it was quickly overshadowed by bitter despair. “I can’t.”
“What? Why not?”
Die bristled suddenly, snarling, “Because I let him down, I let everyone down! How could I face him now? I was supposed to protect him that night, protect all of you, and I…” he deflated, almost seeming to collapse in on himself, “I failed. He could have died…”
“…But he didn’t.”
“But he almost did! And it would have been my fault if he had!”
“You can’t protect everyone all the time, Die.”
“That’s my job! Don’t you understand?! It’s my job to keep everyone safe, to protect my family. When we go out like that, everyone is counting on me to watch over them. I should have seen that guy coming, I should have stopped him before he got anywhere near Totchi!”
Kyo frowned, chewing on his lip ring thoughtfully. He recognized the sound of words that had been repeating themselves again and again in an internal battery of self-flagellation. Nothing he said would change the redhead’s mind. “…Well then, you owe him an apology, don’t you?”
Die’s head came up, looking abjectly miserable.
Kyo stood, looking down his nose at his brother. “Don’t hide from him. If you fucked up so badly, you don’t deserve to dodge him for your own comfort, so go apologize and face the consequences of your failure like a man.”
Die looked near tears, but he nodded a little and stood. “You… you’re right.”
“Maybe, if you’re sorry enough, he’ll absolve you, and if not, I’m sure he’ll tell you what you have to do to atone and earn his forgiveness.”
Die nodded again, drifting out of the office with an exhausted, but purposeful stride. Kyo sighed and moved to the door between the bookcases, moving down a set of steep, narrow stairs carefully.
‘I hope Totchi’s still awake when he gets there…’
‘I would hate for him to stew in that bullshit any longer than he already has.’
‘I didn’t want to interfere, but they’re both such idiots sometimes…’
Grinning fondly, Kyo had very little time to ponder Die and Toshiya’s respective issues before his surroundings became a more pressing interest. It was cold in the area under Kaoru’s office; all the walls and floor were made of smooth concrete that chilled his bare feet to the bone. At the bottom of the stairs was a short hallway with three heavy steel doors on each side. Padding silently down the hall, he peered into the small, barred window on one of the doors and found a tiny cell on the other side, containing only a steel bench with a thin mattress mounted on one wall and a toilet and sink tucked into the corner.
‘Master has a creepy dungeon under his office…?’
‘Weird…’
He didn’t really care, though. All he cared about was telling Kaoru the good news, if he could ever find him. Muffled voices to one side caught his attention. At the end of the hall, another heavy door stood open, leading into a larger-looking room with a large, steel basin sink mounted on the wall in his view. As Kyo started towards it, Kaoru passed in front of the doorway. The older man was devoid of his jacket, leaning down to wash his hands in the sink with his white shirtsleeves rolled precisely up over his elbows. Kyo grinned, his excitement returning full force, and ran the rest of the way down the hall.
Kaoru barely had time to spot him out of the corner of his eye and turn to face him before the blonde took a flying leap at him. He caught the younger man out of reflex, startled as arms clamped around his neck and lips pressed firmly against his own. When the blonde fell back, grinning brilliantly up at him, all he could do was stare back in utter confusion. Even before the past week of desolate grief, he didn’t think he’d ever seen his pet so unequivocally happy. It completely changed his face, something unbearably sweet coming from someone typically very solemn and introspective.
“Kyo?”
“Toshiya woke up! He’s awake and the doctor said he’s going to be okay!”
It was Kyo’s turn to be caught off guard. Kaoru gaped at him for a split second, then his face broke into a grin of the purest relief and he laughed, picking his pet up by the waist and swinging him around like he weighed nothing. Kyo squeaked, wide-eyed as he dug his fingers into Kaoru’s shoulders, unused to such handling, but smiled shakily again when he was set back down.
“I knew it. I fucking knew it!” the older man crowed with fierce pride, whipping around to grin viciously at the third man in the room. “And aren’t you so fucking lucky?”
Kyo glanced over, having completely overlooked their company, and went sheet white in startled horror. A man he just barely recognized as the one who had stabbed Toshiya was tied down to a heavy steel chair bolted to the floor, thick clamps pinning down his wrists and ankles to the furniture. He was stripped down to soiled briefs, and every square centimeter of his body was covered in horrible-looking tangles of black veins, emanating from dozens of grotesque lumps in his skin whose centers bled thinly. His muddy green eyes were wild, bloodshot and rolling madly in his skull, he was gasping for breath, and saliva dribbled frothily from the corners of his mouth. He looked to be in the aftershocks of a most profound agony.
The captive was huge – a bear of a man, the same caliber as those Kaoru hired on as security personnel – but he cowered with a strangled whimper as the hawk-eyed man stalked over to him. Kaoru’s hand hovered over a rolling steel tray by the chair, upon which a vast collection of needle-thin rods with loops on one end rested, delicately lifting one and twirling it lovingly between his fingers. Kyo watched on, entranced, as his master ran his free hand ever-so-gently over the man’s left arm, and the man gibbered in terror in an unexpected Russian accent, pleading hysterically for mercy in a voice all-but shot from screaming.
“Please, I told you everything I know, I swear to God I told you everything I know, please, no more, I told you everything, I swear, I told you everything, no more, please, no more!”
“Oh, I know you did, I know,” Kaoru crooned sweetly. “And because you’ve been so cooperative, I’m going to let you die now. Would you like that, Mr. Petrov?”
‘Petrov’ nodded gratefully. “Please, yes, Master Niikura, please, thank you, thank you…”
Kaoru cocked his head, watching as he slipped his thumb through the loop on the needle, pressing the straight end against the man’s upper arm. The protective sheath around the tip slid back along the shaft, allowing the poisoned needle underneath to pierce the man’s skin. Almost immediately, spidery red veins began to spread from the site of the injection, and Petrov began to writhe uncontrollably in the chair, utterly horrified and near-blind with the sudden pain.
“If your heart doesn’t burst, you’ll be dead in about five minutes,” Kaoru informed him calmly as he undid one of the man’s wrist cuffs and both of his ankles, leaving him attached to the chair only by his right wrist. He picked up another needle then, pushing the tray away. “And you know? I’m in such a good mood now; I’ll even give you this. It’ll kill off all of your pain receptors, and you can die in peace. Aren’t I kind?”
Kaoru turned away then, setting the needle on the floor in front of the chair before collecting his jacket and returning to Kyo. The blonde was staggered, watching Petrov strain frantically against the last bond keeping him tied to down, tearing his wrist horrifically as he tried to get to the needle that would end his torment.
“I can’t… I can’t reach it! Please, I can’t reach it, please?!”
Kaoru looked back over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised. “Oh? How unfortunate for you. It seems like your right hand is holding you back a bit. And how curious… that’s the hand you stabbed my brother with, if I’m not mistaken.”
Petrov sobbed hysterically, an anguished wail bubbling out of his throat as the red veins spread and spread and spread.
“Yes, I believe it is. How terribly unfortunate for you.”
Kaoru put a hand against the small of Kyo’s back, guiding him out of the room. The blonde twisted his head around to watch for as long as he could, as the man who so nearly killed Toshiya began thrashing against his bond, grasping helplessly at the needle while agony overtook him. Just before they passed through the doorway, the thick bones in the man’s wrist gave way, snapping with a sickening crunch and a rasping scream. Even then, Petrov could not pull free to reach his relief. Kyo swallowed thickly, desperately thankful that breakfast had been too long ago for him to throw it up.
“You feel bad for him?” Kaoru asked as they climbed the stairs and passed into the office again, warm sunlight trickling merrily through the windows on the back wall.
Kyo shook his head slowly, trembling a little. He couldn’t bring himself to pity the man, after a week spent mourning the very real possibility of Toshiya’s death, but still, “He… he was in so much pain… I’ve never seen anyone die before.”
“Strictly speaking, you still haven’t. I’ve got him from here, you’re dismissed,” Kaoru informed Tatsuaki in passing, the guard having been waiting more-or-less patiently in the hallway. Tatsuaki looked peeved, but Kaoru paid him no mind. “As for his pain… there are only three people in the world against whom I will suffer absolutely no grievances, and he tried to kill one of them. He got off light only because he didn’t succeed.”
Kyo shuddered. “D-… Did he at least tell you why…?”
Kaoru scowled. “He was hired. He didn’t know who, though, he was approached by a man in a mask calling himself ‘the Falcon.’ Bastard just handed him a stack of cash and profiles for Shinya, Toshiya, and Die, and told Petrov to pick one. He’d been waiting for an opening to get one of them for three weeks; following us around every time we were out during the weekend, since he couldn’t find a way to sneak onto the mansion grounds. That was the only useful information he had – everything else was just crying about his kids, living back in Russia with his ex-wife. As if I care about that.”
Kyo thought on that, frowning, but it didn’t really make sense to him. “I don’t get it… the Falcon person didn’t care who died? And why did he only want one of them? Is that… is that normal?”
Kaoru grunted, slipping through the door into Toshiya’s suite. “Not usually, but it depends on the motive behind the hit. I’m being fucked with. Whoever hired Petrov wanted to hurt me, but not ruin the family entirely. There are a fair number of people that dislike me enough to want to do that, and only a small handful actually have the balls to do so openly, with their own names attached, so as things stand now, we’re playing the waiting game with an unknown opponent.”
Kyo swallowed nervously, wrapping one hand unconsciously around the spider pendant at his throat. It was one thing to know, intellectually, that he had been sold to a mafia family; it was another issue entirely to actually witness and experience the consequences of that lifestyle. He felt… threatened; inexperienced and unarmed on a battlefield he couldn’t see and had no idea how to defend himself in. Before they reached the bedroom, his fingers found their way to Kaoru’s jacket sleeve, tugging gently.
Kaoru stopped, looking back at him. “Yes, pet?”
“Would… would you be upset… if I died?” Kyo wondered uncertainly.
“Are you kidding? After all the trouble of training you? I’d be pissed.” Kaoru shook his head. “Plus it’d be a pain in the ass to find anyone else that gave head half as good as yours, or looked so damnably sweet in my webs.”
Kyo found that he was immeasurably comforted by those words. Kaoru knew all the tricks and ploys of this darkened battlefield. So long as he continued to keep the man happy and until he was released from his duties, his master would protect him from harm, he was certain. When they turned the corner, they were both mildly surprised to find Shinya lingering in the doorway to Toshiya’s crimson lair, the sweetest smile painted across his face. As they approached, he spared them a glance to hold one finger to his lips in an entreaty for silence. Kyo peered around Kaoru to see what the big secret was. What he saw made him smile as well.
Die was curled up on Toshiya’s bed on top of the covers, curled as close to the blue-haired man as he could get without actually touching him. The only place they made contact was where his head was resting on Toshiya’s shoulder, and where one arm was wrapped around his shoulders to twine long fingers gently through red hair. Toshiya’s cheek was pressed against the top of Die’s head, and both men had the barest remains of tears on their faces. Even so – with the faintest smiles on their lips, understanding and a new, fragile sort of love filling every space between them – they were perfect picture of blissful slumber and intimacy.
“They look so happy,” Shinya whispered.
“It’s about fucking time,” Kyo murmured, delighted.
Kaoru looked down at his pet again, a wry smile tugging his lips. “This is your doing, I imagine. I hear such stories about you, sometimes… ridiculous things about mind-reading and clairvoyance, but I certainly can’t deny the changes I see from time to time, ever since I got you. If you die, wherever am I going to get another prophet?”
Shinya snorted indelicately, holding back a grin.
Kyo just blinked up at his master, head cocked to one side curiously.

The song above (Amber) is intellectual property of Dir en grey. I do not own it, or profit from its use.
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Miwaku no Zakuro