Feeling that Way

 

Waiting for the ambulance Steve laid as close as he could to Gregg.  As he looked into his lover’s eyes, he realized that bright mischevious sparkle that usually filled them,  was not present. He reached  up and touched Gregg’s face and stared very intently at him.  He said “ I was so afraid I was never going to see you again. Mark was going to take me out the country and he said when the man done with you  he would …”  Steve hestitated then said “ I would die if anything happened to you.” “ It is alright Steve, it’s over now, I just need you here, “ Greg  let  a ironic sound almost a laugh, then said, “ I think  we need another vacation. I think we will go to the mountains this time.”  Then he blurted out “ I am so sorry about Adrian. I wish it had never  happened.  Steve looked at him very serious and then leaned in and  kissed  him softly.  Gregg was surprised at the gesture. His mouth was bruised but he still welcomed his lover’s touch.  Steve  said to Gregg “  You are my dream ,  you are a dream I have  had since I was  a teenager. “  Gregg  lay quietly  as he felt  Steve’s  fingers tracing his face and down  his body, as if to memorize every detail.  “ When  I was a teenager  the girls didn’t like me, I was too short, too skinny, and my nose was too big. Plus I was so shy and awkward.  I used to dream about  having someone who would love me, who would think I was attractive, who would want to share a life with me, wher e we could love each other forever.  And here you are, you are exactly what I dreamed about.  And I never want to let you go if you are still willing to have me after getting you in this mess.”  

 Gregg noticed a trickle of blood running down Steve’s throat where the knife did catch him briefly. He used the bed sheet  and  quickly wiped at the blood with it. “God, your bleeding ! “He was going to kill you, wasn’t he.” Steve nodded, “Yeah…. when Sheriff  Rossi came in, he held the knife to my throat.  Steve hesitated, then said “Mark was……. “ fresh tears came,  “He had me down on my knees, he wanted to bring you in to watch but I begged him not too. That is how the sheriff found us.  At that point I would have been happy to die. I told Rossi to find you, not to bother with me.  I felt worse for getting you involved, hurt, and…. maybe…killed then about anything he was doing to me. So Mark hit me, threaten to slit my throat, guess he couldn’t stand the fact that I still loved you so much.”

 At that point, Steve started to wiggle slightly, pulling slightly away, which Gregg did not understand. Steve became more and more restless, until he blurted out to Gregg, “I’m getting sick!” Steve figured it was from all the semen that ended up in his stomach, and just the thought compounded the ill feeling. He began to struggle  frantically then tried to stand. To Gregg’s horror he stumbled and fell. Fortunately at this moment  the Sheriff had just walked back in the room. Steve whimpered , “ Sick… bathroom..”  Rossi said “Stay put Gregg, I have him. He quickly and expertly   got Steve back on his feet and the sheet around his body.  And by some miracle managed to move the young man into the bathroom.  He helped Steve kneel at the toilet and held his hair out of his face. Steve  gagged a couple times then spewed his stomach contents into the bowl. When he was finished he leaned backwards trying to catch his breath, and the Sherriff  let the man’s slight weight rest against him.  God,  Rossi   thought, Steve was tiny compared to Mark, it was like his abductor could have broken the fragile singer in pieces. He had to again wonder what satisfaction Mark got out of absusing, battering, and forcing himself on someone half his size.  He held Steve  for a minute then he heard the wail of sirens coming up the driveway.                     He said” Come on the ambulances are here .” He gently helped Steve up again and lead him back to the bedroom, helping  him sit down.  Steve was so weak at that moment he just looked at the Sherrif with much gratefulness in his eyes.

Within a few minutes the paramedics entered the room. They were very efficient in getting the two men ready for transport. However it was a bit more difficult to convince them to let each other out of sight. Fortunately  Rossi was able to convince them that would soon be reunited safely at the hospital.  The two embraced one more time before they were put on their perspective stretchers, stablilized and prepped for transport.

Rossi stayed by their side till they were placed in the ambulances. Steve was blinking  in the sunlight, but he was staring back at the residence.  Rossi said “ I wonder what  the good doctor is going to say when he realizes that Mark turned his vacation home into a house of horrors.”  At  Steve’s questioning  look he quickly explained about who the beach house belonged to and how he discovered where they were being  kept.  He took Steve’s hand “ Now rest !” He told both men “ They will good care of you two at the hospital and your  family and friends will be there. I will check on you two tomorrow. I have one more thing to do then I am going home to  kiss my wife, let her know she still has a husband, have a good Italian meal, and get some sleep. “  He reluctantly let go of Steve’s hand as  he was lifted into the back of the ambulance.  As the two vehicles left the property he thought about the conversation he would soon be having with his wife.  He would be able to tell her that the monster who caused Matthew’s death was now dead himself. But that could be tomorrow,  today he just wanted to go home, and hold his wife … and the happy memories he had of his son…close.

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Back at the couples house the morning had came  without  any  word on the missing men. Even the normally driven, energetic  Herbie seemed broken, exhausted, and defeated.  Marv had fixed  brunch but no one could eat much.  They picked at the food for a while but finally they all just retired to the living room to wait by the phone.  Neal decided he wanted to go out to the porch, the silence in house was just deafening. Neil had always wondered what that term meant, now he knew. He sat on the porch swing cuddling Misty, when Mary came outside.   Neal shifted over to make room and she sat down next to him.  She looked sad and lost, her carefully kept  composure was starting to dissolve.   She sat down and said “ I couldn’t  sleep last night.  Everytime I closed my eyes  I was afraid…”her voice broke a little. Neal  reached for her hand  and she slipped her ‘s into his.  She continued “ I am afraid if I fall asleep I will see Greg and Steve in a bad place. I keep telling myself that  the Blessed  Mother is  watching over them like a good mother would. I also know that  God loves them and they are in his hands. But Neal , I can’t resign myself to the idea I am going to loose my boys. “ Neal said “ Mary don’t think that,  they are going to come home. Any minute the phone is going to ring and  it will be good news. “ Mary said “  All those boys in Chicago, I think of their mothers, waiting for  them to come home, for the phone to ring and to hear their voice one more time. She sighed then said “ I never told Steve, but  I had a hard time  getting pregnant. I wanted  a house full of babies to raise. Then finally, God gave me a very special baby. My  Anjinho, my little angel !!  Steve was here and he was worth every moment  I had to wait for him. And even though I never had another child having Steve made it alright. He has always been such a joy to me.  And he loves Gregg so much, it is now like I have two sons. And  Gregg I know loves him almost as much as I do.  Like you do, Neal.” Neal looked at Mary then looked away. “ Don’t be embrarrassed, loving someone is never something to be ashamed of  “ , she said softly.  The two embraced in a moment of deep  understanding.  Suddenly  Marv came out on the porch.  “ He almost look like he was crying but his voice was filled with relief and joy. “ The sherriff, the police, they  have them, Gregg and Steve, they’re safe !!

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Aaron sat in his living room. He had  never went to bed the night before. He dozed in the easy chair sporadically, but there was no real rest for him. He had showered this morning then attempted to cook breakfast. He wound up throwing up what he had eaten, so now he just waited. He wasn’t sure what for.   He had not heard from Mark obviously. He knew somehow he never would again, their relationship was over. The only way  he would see his lover was through a glass partition at the state prison. He thought back to the time he first met Mark.  Throughout his young years Aaron had enjoyed the bath house scenes in San Francisco. But as he got more mature he started to wish for a permanent relationship.  He wanted love, companionship, to share a home and a future.   He began to date more seriously with these goals in mind.  When he met  Mark  and fell in love with him, he was sure his dreams were going to come true. And they had, for several years.

But then slowly Mark had become distant, odd.  He disappeared at unusual times.  He was not as affectionate to Mark and was often inattentive. But Aaron never dreamed the man he considered the love of his life was harbouring such a dark secret.  And how Greg and Steve, and their friends, Steve’s family, they all had to hate him. No one would ever buy that he didn’t know what a monster he was living with. Or that he dearly loved Gregg and would have never done anything to hurt him or anyone that he loved and cherished as much as he did Steve.  None of that would matter cause in everyone’s mind he would be considered just as guilty as Mark.

A rap on the door brought Aaron out of his stupor. He got up and looked out the window. It was Sheriff Rossi . Aaron  opened  the door and was greeted by the Sherrif’s dark eyes which were filled with sadness.  He asked the Sheriff in and said “ Did you find Steve and Gregg ?”  “Yes, we found them, they are safe.  They have been through Hell but they will be alright in time.”  Aaron didn’t speak for a minute, he knew the sherrif was not there for a social visit. The silence was heavy in the room and Aaron said “ Mark’s dead isn’t he ?” Rossi cleared his throat ,“He had a knife to Steve’s throat, he wouldn’t disarm . I am sorry Aaron.”  Tears filled Aaron’s eyes and the sherriff asked “ Is there anyone you could call to be with you.  Mark’s family has already been contacted and they have said they want nothing to do with his “arrangements.’ I wanted to come and tell you, see if there was any help I could give you. “ Aaron looked at the sheriff, “ “ I didn’t know what he was. “  ‘I know that ,” Rossi told him. “ Do they know.. I mean Steve and Greg.. do they realize   it ?”  Aaron asked. Rossi said “ I can’t tell you how they feel, and you have to expect  they are not going to be thinking clearly right now. In time they both may understand it, but you have to be patient and realistic about that. I did tell Gregg  in my best judgement you did not know about  Mark’s violent and abusive inclinations. Bet he will have to form his own opinion and so will Steve and everyone else.”  “I love Gregg,’ Aaron blurted out,” I always have, I always wished that one day he might…  but after he met Steve I knew… “He trailed off then said “ I would have never hurt him,  and I would never hurt Steve. He has to believe that.” “ And hopefully he will !” the sherriff said,  “ But now you need to focus on you own future.  You’ll need to move past this too,  find some happiness and peace for yourself.”   Aaron thought this over for a few minutes then asked “ Do I have to decide about  Mark right now ?”  “No, he will be at the morgue till we find someone to release his body too.” Rossi said gently.  Aaron said “ OK thanks for coming by, I will be in touch.”The sherrif shook his hand and bid him good evening. “ As he was going out the door, Aaron called to him. “ Do me a favor, will you ?”  “Sure “ Rossi said. “ I know Steve and Gregg won’t be talking to me for a long time if ever so please tell them I am sorry.” Rossi nodded his consent before pulling the front door closed.        After the sherrif’s departure Aaron sat down on the couch for a few moments.  He then stood up and went outside to the garage, not bothering to lock the house behind him. He walked in to building and took a long piece of rope off the shelf. He pulled a step ladder into the center of the room. Climbing up on it he tied one end of the rope around a study beam in the ceiling and made a loop with the other. He tightened the noose around his neck and a second later kicked the ladder out from under him.