Feeling that Way

 

Early the next day the doctor released  Adrian  into the Rossi’s care.  He said good bye to Neal , who also made arrangements to come and visit him at the Sherriff’s home in a couple days. They embraced again and Adrian thanked him for getting the clothing and supplies for him.  Neal  was quiet for a minute  as the two looked into each other’s eyes.  Then in perfect  sync and total understanding, the two kissed gently and sweetly, for the first time.

 After  two days in the hospital Gregg and Steve were allowed to go home.  Neal , Herbie,  Marv, and Mary were all  there to  help them get  them to the house  safely.  Steve was still hurting pretty bad he had gotten the worst of the beating s and sexual assault. When they were led into the house, Misty came running up to the two of them.  She anxiously rubbed against Steve’s legs, wrapping her self around him. Herbie grabbed hold of Steve to steady him fearful that she may knock him over in her enthusiasm.  She then transferred her affection to Gregg then after some vigourous purring and rubbing she returned her attention back to the singer again.

As soon as  Gregg got  inside the house he asked  just wanted to  be able to sit in the big recliner in the living room and reflect.  At this point he  enjoyed looking at the wall who’s color he always wanted to change , the cushions on the couch that were lumpy, the view of the kitchen table with the carefully hidden chip where he dropped a platter last Christmas. He knew it probably sounded crazy but it  was like seeing old friends. In those dark hours in the prison Mark had him and Steve in, he was afraid he would never see these everyday objects again. 

Eventually he had to get up and move, and the first thing he wanted was a shower. Gregg luxriatated in the hot steamy water.  It wasn’t exactly a normal experience since he was aware of Neal’s constant prescence out side of the shower curtain, ready to assist him at a moments notice. Some of the bruises and abrasions still stung under the spray but as he gently washed his skin, he felt as if he was washing away the touch of his rapist.  He never wanted anyone else to touch him intimately again but Steve. And he longed for his lover’s  gentle caresses again for it would help him feel human and normal again.     

While he was waiting for his own turn in the shower Steve lay on  the couch, stroking Misty, who was lying by his side. He looked up at the calendar then said “ Oh my heavens, it is June . Gregg's birthday is in three days.  I haven’t even shopped for a gift or made any plans. “Mary chuckled gently and pushed Steve’ s hair out of his face.  “ Honey, trust me, the only gift Gregg needs or wants from you right now is you being here safely with him and to keep on loving him more and more each day ! “ Steve smiled “ I do Mom,  and I am going to tell him every chance I get from now one. 

When Greg and Steve had finally both had soothing bath’s, dinner and the neccessary medication, it was bedtime as far as the others were concerned.  And actually Steve and Gregg had to agree.  They were happy to slide into the big bed, freshly made with clean soft bedclothes. In fact during his shopping Neal had found a set of sheets with peace signs on them. He thought they suited Gregg so well he decided to buy them as a gift for the couple. His choice tickled Gregg immmensely bringing a moment of much need brevity for the guys. Gregg and Steve  managed to find a comfortable position where the two of them could spoon and snuggle. Misty curled up next to them , seeming absolutely delighted to have her two “Daddies” home and safe with her. One the bedside table next to them was a large stuffed “ pot belly “ bear with a ribbon around it’s neck. A gift sent by Gregg’s brother, but chosen by his 10 year old neice.  She adored her uncle Gregg, and though obviously far to young and innocent to realize what he had experienced in the dark hours in the beach house, she had insisted on using her carefully saved allowance money to purchase a get well gift for him. Gregg found looking at it very comforting, the innocence portrayed by the gift, made him realize that despite the evil that he and Steve had been subjected too, there was still a lot of goodness and light in the world. As the guys settled down  for the night, knowing that Neal and Steve’s parents  were within calling distance and ready to meet their every need, a calmness pervaded the room.” I never want to sleep apart from you ever, not even for one night,” Gregg whispered. Steve answered him  “ And I want to spend every day and night not only telling  how much I love you but showing you every moment.  It is really over Gregg, they can't ever hurt us again. We are free!"

The  first few days home were rough as both men were prone to nightmares, tears, and just plain being jumpy. Sometimes  Steve was more fragile and shaky and needed to lean on Gregg for support and at other times he had to be the strong one for Gregg. Despite the horrible circumstances that led to it, this helped  their relationship,it grew stronger as each man learned  at different  times to be more vunerable and at others to be the caregiver. 

They had been home about three days when  Sherriff Rossi came to the door for two reasons.  One was to check on Steve and Gregg and see how they were adjusting. The second  was to deliver the sad news about Aaron. When the young man had not went to work for several days  and not called his employers to update them  on the situation, the police had been called.  Since Rossi was involved  in the case that lead to Mark’s death,  he was called to the scene of Aaron’s suicide.  He thought he was the best to break the news to Gregg about his friend.  Gregg had listened quietly then said “ I didn’t blame him, I knew it was not his fault how Mark was. All the time Aaron  spent comforting me, helping me, helping Steve.    I thought about it long and hard and I realized that he really didn’t know what a monster he was living with. He was one of my best friends and I am sorry he couldn’t make it past this “mistake” and find happiness."

In the meantime Adrian was settling in fast with the Rossi’s . He was regaining his strength and health with Illaria’s good home cooking.  He also was getting to know the couple better and the history of the problems  with their son.  He thought of his own parents that he was estranged from and of Gregg’s family who also had a strained relationship with their son due to his sexuality.  He longed for his own mother to hold him like Illaria had one night when he had a nightmare or his dad to talk  to him about his classes like Joe had. But this new relationship had brought purpose and joy into the Rossi’s lives and sense of love and acceptance into Adrian’s .

A week after the homecoming Gregg’s 32^nd birthday was quietly celebrated at the house.  A few days after the actual date but it gave the guys a chance to at least recover from the physical injuries.  Gregg loved celebrating his birthday and usually threw a huge bash. However this time he was content with a a close knit group of people who knew truly cared about him. So the “party” consisted of the band, Herbie, the Rossi’s, Gregg’s brother and his family, and of course Marv and Mary.  Most of the entertainment involved Gregg’s adorable 10 year old neice, who develop a wicked little girl crush on Steve. Of course everyone comented on how all women, even prepubescent ones fell for Steve .And Steve did manage to find Gregg a present despite the complicated situation. A artisan who made exquisite jewelry came to the house and while Gregg was napping, Steve picked out a lovely one of a kind bracelet with a beautiful white gold bar design, eloborate scrolling, and adorned with a cobalt blue stone. it was both elegant and masculine at the same time. On the inside Steve had it engraved " All of my love Steven" Greg could not help but tear up when he recieved it. And everyone else kind of teared up also when they seen how happy Gregg and Steve were despite what they had been through.

 

On the band front the tour had to be postponed indefinitely. And as difficult as it was it was decided the best route was to tell the truth about what had happened. Though Gregg and  Steve still wanted to keep their status as a couple underwraps and it was agreed that was best for now, they decided to come clean with the fans about the stalking, kidnapping, and rape.  Everyone was amazed at the outpouring of love and support they got, new gifts, cards, and other messages of support for Steve and Gregg both arrived at the management office daily. Of course there were the occasional mean spirited person who had something negative to say about the band but for the most part the experience was a positive one.

Ross came to a grudging acceptance of Steve and Gregg’s relationship.  He was not terribly happy especially when they shared the truth about the abduction and sexual assaults they suffered through.   But Herbie made the bassist’s choice very simple, either tolerate the relationship between Gregg and Steve or find another band. Vallory knew he was not going to find another group with star potential of the current one so he learned to keep his mouth shut. 

Neal on the other hand was learning a whole knew way of life and love.  He went to visit Adrian twice a week, took him to lunch, to picnics in the park , and long quiet walks on the beach. The relationship had not went to deeply into the physical stage it consisted mainly of hand holding and hugs. But Neal was happier then he ever had been in his 25 years of life.  In fact one day  Gregg commented a bit slyly on how much time Neal had been spending with the redhead. To Gregg’s amusement  and delight  the guitarist suddenly turned very bashful and blushed a quite lovely shade of pink.

Both Steve and Gregg spent time with the counselor  that the Sherriff had recommended. It meant a lot of difficult, painful and often tearful sessions but it helped them both move past the nightmare they experienced.  Gregg had the most difficult time opening up, at the  beginning of therapy he tended to focus more on his pain relating to not being able to protect Steve.  But after a few sessions the therapists told Gregg he need to confront his feelings about his own rape. So then Gregg went through the difficult process of re-experiencing his own humiliation,   loss of  control of his body, the terror and  physical pain he endured.  Steve in the meantime had his own issues in therapy the least of which was the incredible emotional scarring that resulted from being abducted twice by  by Mark. And even though his rapist was dead as was Gregg’s there were still many days and nights of flashbacks and the fear that there may be another person just as evil as Mark out there.  The counselor also helped them work together as a couple to deal with the trouble heartache relating to Gregg’s “ infidelity “  After  four weeks of several intense sessions a week for  the two  men, their  healing had made incredible progress.

Finally six week after they were rescued Gregg and Steve both knew it was time for them to become intimate again.There were still some fears and false starts. And a bit of tears both sad ones  for what was taken from them and happy ones for the resulting even stronger love and bond between the two. Gentle kisses, and cuddling, and enjoying each others bare skin and naked bodies. Plus being comfortable with  the vulnerability they had to risk in  themselves.  And when they both welcomed the others touch, caresses, kisses, and even more intimate physical acts, they knew that they broken the remaining hold that the rapists had over them both. The nightmare was truly moving rapidly behind them, like a passing vehicle receding  in the rear view mirror.