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Flying With Eagles	By : Zar Category: Individual Celebrities > Orlando Bloom Views: 10191 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Orlando Bloom. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title: Flying with Eagles
Author: Zar
Email: zarakan@hotmail.com
LJ: http://www.livejournal.com/users/squishypiglet/
Warnings: This is slash. Don't like it? Don't read it!
Pairings: Viggorli with special guest Eric Bana.
Disclaimer: This is not true, dee ale all my wishes.
Summary: Heart over mind? Or mind over heart…?

Chapter 36

Under any other circumstance, I would have not wanted to relinquish my hold on the precious bundle in my arms, and would have carried my god into the apartment.

But today is certainly not normal. Mentally, I am still sort of in a shock to see that my dreams came true, and Orlando is right in front of me. And…the other problem is, I don’t think I could physically do it. My knee is hurtinreadready from staying in this kneeling position by his side.

“Orlando…we need to get up. I…I think my knee is going to lock up if we stay like this.”

He immediately lets go of me and scoots backwards, watching me with wide eyes. For some reason, he reminds me of a frightened or startled animal, and I hush him, reaching out a hand. Reluctant to grasp it, he looks first at me, then the hand just inches in front of him.

Fine, we’ll play the sympathy card.

Wincing and letting out a quiet moan, I raise my eyes hopefully to him.

“I…don’t think I can get up. Could you help me? My knee – ”

That’s all I need to say before my beautiful god has heaved himself upright with a grunt…and I notice he’s done it on his own.

“Where’s your crutch, Orlando?”

For the first time in a long while, I am blessed again with the brilliant smile of a happy prince.

“I don’t need it anymore! I can stand alone now.”

That last sentence holds a lot more meaning than he probably realises.

“…The doctors said my back has….that I am better now.”

What is he not telling me? What about his back? At least I know it’s his back he’s hurt and not his legs…I think.

“Your back…?”

“Nothing,” he hurriedly tries to change the subject, grasping one of my hands and reaching for my other arm. I had been trying for sym sympathy ploy, but I don’t actually intend to let him help me, though he’s recovered enough to ditch the crutch.

When we’re both upright, the blood rushes back into my poor leg and despite myself, the stupid weak knee buckles.

“Careful,” he murmurs softly, still supporting me. It’s strange being the one who needs to be taken care of. I am so used to taking care of him and making sure he doesn’t push himself too hard…it’s weird letting him help me.

“I can do it,” I mumble gruffly, pushing away and I immediately regret it when his face falls. He covers it quickly though, nudging at his suitcase.

“Viggo…do you mind if I come in?”

What’s going on his mind? Does he have to ask?

“Of course you can,” I tell him wonderingly. He’s strangely hesitant and skittish around me, slightly like when we first got together. Nervous and unsure…

He waits for me to enter first and carefully push his suitcase in after us, leaving it in the hallway beside the front door. I remember when he left Paradise, he had a lot more luggage than that – he had to wheedle with the airlines for his extra baggage. So, he must have left Australia in a hurry, and didn’t have that much time to pack everything. Strangely, that touches me, that he was in a rush to come back.

Heading over to the couch, I turn around to make sure he’s still there, and though he won’t look me in the eye, he’s meekly following. We each sit at opposite ends and The Silence begins.

We haven’t had The Silence in a long time…have we gone back to the start all over again?

But…it is in this silence that my mind takes over, and my heart moves into the back seat. After the initial happiness and joy at seeing him again…what does he want? What is he doing here? Is he here because he’s worried about me? Is there regret? But he left me first…and didn’t try to keep in contact, breaking up with me on tape.

Subconsciously, my body is already beginning to reflect my negative thoughts. I slouch into the couch, turning my body away from Orlando and I cross my arms defensively over myself. I hadn’t even realised until I took a quick glance at him and noticed him watching me, biting his lip and squeezing at his hands.

If he leaves me…I don’t think I can do this again.

He suddenly sits straight up and moves closer.

“Vig?”

I must have said that damn thing out loud. It’s always been an annoying quirk of mine.

“Orlando…what are you doing back here?” I sigh wearily.

He leans back into his seat, going back to the hand wringing thing.

“I…I heard you got hurt.”

“Yes, but we’ve already broken up…” he flinches badly at those two words and still won’t look at me, so I carry on, “…so it really doesn’t matter to you anymore.”

“It matters,” is the quiet reply.

I don’t know what to say. My poor heart is begging me to wrap him in my arms and wipe away that unhappy expression on his face…but my brain is reminding me of all that I’ve been through these past months. The tears, the emotions, the anger, the frustration…the pain. If he could leave that easily last time, what’s to stop him from doing it again? If we get back together, it’s inevitable that he’s going to be even more important to me then. There’s no saying how badly I’ll be broken if he leaves me in a year’s time…in two year’s time…ten years…I just wouldn’t be able to take it.

And what about all of the other problems? He’s still completely reliant and dependent on Eric; he has so many scars he needs to recover from; his torrent and violent past; how ly hly he made the decision to leave me here; his physical injuries, though he’s healing…

“I think this whole experience has taught us, Orlando…you’re just not ready for a relationship yet…with me or anyone else, romantically.”

He’s shocked, I can tell, and this time, he moves right up next to me on the couch, cautiously pulling my arms out of the lock I have them wrapped in, to take one of my hands in his.

“Viggo, no…”

I won’t look at him, keeping my head painstakingly turned away. I know what I’ll see in those chocolate eyes of his, and it’s inevitable that I’ll give in. He knows how to speak to my heart, and right now, it’s begging to be heard. I can’t go through this again. Maybe it’s selfish, that I am doing this to protect myself from further pain…but it’s also better for him if he can work out his own priorities first. He needs to sort himself out before getting into another relationship.

“No, we can’t. Orlando…you need to…focus on yourself first.”

His other hand is gently moving up to my face and stroking at my cheek, begging me to look at him. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t do this again.

“Please Orlando, don’t make me…”

He sniffs and wipes quickly at his nose.

“Don’t call me that! I don’t want to be Orlando! I want to be muffin again…Viggo…”

It’s breaking my heart hearing him pleading for something I could easily give…but no. I need to be firm in this.

“Orlando – ” I try to make him see from my view, but he does something we’ve never done before.

He leans over to press his lips over mine. It’s a simple close-mouthed kiss, but he initiates so rarely that I am oddly touched by the sweetness of the act. Seeing that I am finally looking at him, I am rewarded by a tender smile and suddenly, he slides his right leg over my thighs, then slowly moves so he is straddling my lap.

This is certainly a first.

“What are…what are you doing, Orlando?”

He’s pressed as closely to me as he can possibly be, his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders, nose-to-nose, forehead-to-forehead. We’re breathing in the same air and with his eyes fixed on mine, he moves his nose to rub against the side of mine and our lips meet again.

Soft, sweet, slow, soothing…

“Look…” he breathes, and I am helpless in his spell, “…I could never have sat in your lap like this before I left. My back always used to pain me…but now…”

He leans his head against and and rubs the back of my neck, silently begging me to relax and let him in. My hands are lying useless at my sides. It takes all my will power to keep them there and not to wrap them around the warm earnest god in my lap.

“…I’ve changed now. I am not the same boy I was when I left, Viggo. Please…I won’t make the same mistakes again. We both suffered because of me…and I am so sorry. But…but I’ve learnt now.”

Has he? Will he be able to say no to Eric now? Can he stand up for himself? Can he make his own decisions? Will he stand up for us if someone tries to take us down? He hides things from me…I still don’t know how he hurt his back, and he’s never told me himself what Kurt’s role is. Will he let me in?

There’s one more consideration that needs to be taken into account. I could help him learn, I could encourage him to stand up for himself along the way, guide him into making decisions…

…but is he worth it? My energy will be at stake, my time, my efforts…but most importantly, my heart.

Can I bear its breaking again?

Looking into the windows of his soul, I am tempted to shout out yes. Though I know it’s not the rational thing to do. Some people believe that feelings aren’t rational, and you can’t dictate things like love with your brain. But the last time my heart made the decision to love Orlando…look where it led me.

I’ll let my brain make the decisions this time.

“It’s late, Orlando…you should go to bed.”

He’s clutching onto me, knowing that I am giving him a subtle dismissal.

“I am not tired. Don’t make me go, Viggo!”

“I’ll call a hotel and – ”

“No! I don’t want a hotel…don’t do this, don’t…please, no…”

The tears he had successfully concealed thus far finally made their bleak appearance, sliding down one dark circle around his eye to drop down a high cheekbone.

“Don’t, Viggo, no…don’t kick me out…” he’s whimpering quietly, his head pressed close to mine, fingers urgently rubbing at my shoulders.

“I am not kicking you out, Orlando – ”

“You’re calling a hotel for me!”

“I just think…” I need a second here before I can continue on, “…that maybe we should spend some time apart so I can think things through.”

He sniffles quietly, though his head is still buried in my neck.

“Let me stay here…with you…”

It reminds me of a time, that seems ions ago, when he begged me for the same thing, when I gave him anything and everything he asked for. It hurts that we have progressed to a stage where I have to second-guess every decision I make concerning him…that I can no longer follow what my heart asks of me.

But hearing that heartbroken voice and feeling his tense body embracing my lifeless one…my hands react of their own accord, sliding up, one to rest on his waist and pulling him closer, the other moving up to cradle his head and gently stroke his curls. I can’t help but give him comfort, it seems.

I give in.

“Okay…stay, but only tonight.”

He doesn’t respond – he knows better than to press me right now for anything more.

I pull him gently from my lap and though he is reluctant to move, he obeys and slowly stands though he will not relinquish his hold around my neck. It is in this odd half-embrace that I lead him to the corridor again and without even looking at the guest bedroom I had planned on leaving him in, he moves determinedly down to my bedroom at the end.

He is the stronger of us now without his crutch and my weak knee, and I am pulled along by his purposeful strides.

My god unhurriedly strips down to his boxers and crawls into bed, watching me as I stand there in the dark, unable to look away.

A few days ago, I would have given anything to see this scene…but now that I have it, all I feel is confusion and uncertainty.

I should stay in the guest bedroom. It wouldn’t be right that we’re both in the same bed so soon.

Turning around, I only make it to the door before a warm arm wraps around my chest and a strong hand twines itself in the hand that was reaching for the door knob.

“Please…just to sleep. As you said…just for tonight. Viggo…”

I could not refuse him, and limply let him lead me back to the bed, then watch impassively as he removes my pyjamas and tucks me in like I did three nights ago for Jack.

He is gone a moment later, then I feel the mattress sinen hen he climbs back in next to me.

I ward him off with a soft word when he tries to wrap himself around me, and uneasily, I shift closer to the edge. Being in the same bed? I could handle that. But having him draped over me…no, I would give in without a doubt.

There are still decisions to be made before we can get any further.

“What’s this?” he asks me suddenly, and I am drawn out of my thoughts. In the dark, I feel him press something rectangular in my hand and I don’t know howreacreact.

“My tape recorder…I was listening to…your tape before I went outside to check the door,” I whisper.

He breathes in sharply then removes it from my hand, and replacing the emptiness with his own warm palm.

“We don’t want that anymore. No more lonely memories, Viggo…”

Lying there in silence rhythmically punctuated by our breathing, I find myself gripping tightly to the hand still twined with mine. My god must be tired, emotionally and physically from the long flight over, and begins to doze quickly.

I find myself unable to drift off…simply staring at the ceiling and feeling Orlando move restlessly in his sleep until he is pressed close to me. He mumbles a little then with his head on my chest, he finally moves into deep sleep.

He is back. He is really here.

And he has brought back so many questions with him.

It almost makes me wish he hadn’t returned. At least then, things were out of my control…he chose to end things, I couldn’t contact him…I had to accept that it was time to move on. And I had. I was just getting back into life, ready to move onto the phase of expressing my feelings through art when…

Deep in thought, I start running my hand warmly through this curls, wondering, how is it that having him right next to me…it feels as if he’s even farther than before?

TBC...

I thought it was about time Viggo stood up for himself where Orlando was concerned! Come on, look what Orli did to him! Though our poor hero still finds himself unable to say no to his god.

I am wondering what it would take for Viggo to forgive Orlando for all of that. What Orli needs to do to reassure Viggo...man, they're going to be in for a rough ride!! *Gleeful*

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I am so pleased you're all happy muffin is back with his Weego. OR...are you mad again because of what I've done? Haha...but I told you I was going to make Viggo grow a spine and ROAR!! Well, he's mini roar-purring, but you get the point...!!

BTW, I am leaving Shanghai on Wednesday (going back to Hong Kong!), so I might not update till Thursday or Friday. After all, I don't want to spend my last two days in Shanghai sitting in my hotel writing Eagles! So...might be a bit till the next chapter!!

*MUAH*!!!
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Flying With Eagles