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Five Finger Death Punch	By : mmarc56 Category: Celebrities - Misc > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1552 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know Five Finger Death Punch or any of its members, this story is a work of fiction, and I made no money writing it.

Chapter List
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Chapter Thirty-Eight: Facing the Music

Jason had to man up and face the music. He had been ignoring the frequent calls from Chis, Ivan, and Zoltan but after receiving a text message concerning band practice and the threat of what would happen if he didn’t show up, he decided it was time. His muscles were stiff the whole drive there.

Jeremy had probably told them everything. Everything that made himself look favorable in the situation – completely innocent.

They were gonna kick his ass.

He walked into the room with his guitar slung over his shoulder to a judgmental circle of his bandmates. No one was going to be on his side.

He immediately checked Jeremy to see that familiar anger printed across his bruised, yet less swollen, face. His eyes were black and his mouth appeared misshapen and red. There were also visible fist prints on the lower halves of his cheeks near his jawline.

“Surprised you showed up honestly,” Ivan commented, his eyes narrowed and his arms crossed. Jason set his guitar down and held it next to his side. “You got something to say?” The guitarist slowly shook his head and looked downward at the floor. Ivan sighed angrily and uncrossed his arms. “Well I guess there’s no easy way to slide into this, so do you wanna tell us why the fuck you beat up our drummer?”

“I would’ve won if he hadn’t held me down,” Jeremy threw in and Zoltan rolled his eyes.

“H—He was being an asshole!” Jason’s words had started out shaky and unsure but they quickly morphed into disgusting anger by the end of the sentence. He with surprised with himself.

“So you pounded his face in?” Chris asked with the dull edge of a wielded knife in his voice.

“I—I know you guys ain’t gonna give a shit about what I have to say, so I wanna know what story Jeremy told you all!”

Zoltan answered with a much softer, less accusing tone than the rest, “He says you were upset about Chris and Ivan being together and you took it out on him when he tried to explain to you that they weren’t interested.”

“That fucking bullshit!” Jason found the words spewing out of his mouth and he couldn’t catch them as they fell. They had come out prematurely – before he realized that there was truth in Jeremy’s story under its sugar coating – but he still followed the declaration up fuzzily with, “Fucking malarkey…”

Jeremy didn’t look like he was going to defend himself, but he didn’t need to: Ivan was angrier than everyone there it seemed. “So what the fuck is your story then?” he spat.

“I—” Fuck. What did he say? His cheeks burned with crimson rage. “He was fucking calling me ugly and making fun of me!” He said, throwing a gesture at the drummer. Suddenly he realized how juvenile he sounded and his face dropped. Ivan’s did too.

He was in dramatic disbelief and he cocked his eyebrows. “He made fun of you, huh? Oh, boo-fuckity-hoo, Jason. Fucking grow a pair.” Chris scoffed at the guitarist and shook his head. “And what? You’re saying he called you ugly?”

Jeremy interjected. “He called me ugly first! He started the insults!”

Ivan looked even more enraged with Jason. “Really now?” His lips curled in and his icy blue eyes burned straight through the older guitarist. “What the fuck is your fucking problem? Why the fuck are you being so fucking childish? He called you ugly? Really? So you bashed his face in? You know what? I don’t believe that. Jeremy said you were upset about me and Chris – that you had something against our relationship – so why don’t you take that up with us right now.” He pointed a thumb between himself and the bassist.

Jason felt himself sinking away. His voice came out as a tiny whisper when he said, “I—I don’t have a problem… with…”

They gave him a chance to go on before Chris said, “I have a hard time believing that you’re homophobic, ‘cause I know you a little better than that. So what? You’re jealous? Or do you just think you’d be a better match for one of us?”

“What?” Jason found his voice again, “I—I don’t like one of you more, I—I…” and then he lost it again – just like that.

Ivan leaned in sharply, “You what?” The guitarist stayed quiet in shame for a second and then glared at the drummer.

“Look,” Jason became defensive, “I’ve been going through a hard time lately, okay? And Jeremy being the fuckhole he is didn’t help me!”

“Hey!”

“Jason,” Zoltan cut in before anyone else could retort. “We’ve been talking,” everyone’s bodies relaxed and their eyes locked on the guitarist, “and we’ve all agreed that we can’t have shit like this happening – we can’t have band members assaulting one another. Look, I hate to say this, but you’ve gotta know that this is unacceptable and if you don’t apologize to Jeremy we’re gonna have to consider replacing you.”

Jason’s mouth fell open. “R—replace me? Like get a new guitarist?” Zoltan nodded solemnly. He looked around in disbelief at everyone, hoping to see some sort of jocularity in their faces, but he found none. “You gotta be kidding me! Why the fuck would you replace me because Jeremy was a bitch?!”

“Knock it off, Jason!” Ivan shot. The drummer folded his arms and scowled.

“T—the actual fuck, Zoltan? I’d think at least you’d be on my side!” he said, holding out his hands, “Now, what? You’re gonna get a new guitarist just because I got in a fight with Jeremy?”

“Look at his face, Jason!” Zoltan’s voice rose and he gestured at the man’s beaten and bruised expression of smug conceitedness still painted with the pastels of frustration and feigned innocence; he knew he was getting what he wanted. “And if you expected anyone to be on your side you’d think it be Chris because he was also the replacement for a past band member, but Jeremy – Jeremy, Ivan, and I have been the three people here from the start! We’re the unshakable foundation of Five Finger Death Punch! I don’t want to replace you, man – you’re a damn good guitarist – but you really need to give Jeremy a sincere apology for beating him up over stupid shit.”

“Stupid—? Okay, why the fuck is Jeremy more important than me just because he’s been here longer? Like, what the fuck man? I care about this band just as much as everyone else—”

“But you went too far—”

“YOU GUYS DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT MY SIDE OF THE STORY!” He finally shouted, “HE DIDN’T JUST INSULT ME, HE REALLY HURT ME AND YOU GUYS DON’T CARE! DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD HAVE BEATEN HIM UP FOR NOTHING?” His voice cracked, “I don’t care if you guys think I’m a pussy or what! If you all are worried about the relationships between us as coworkers you need to look at every side of what getting along means! I don’t deserve to get threatened with being kicked out of a band I’ve poured my heart and soul into and he doesn’t deserve to get off scot-free just because he has seniority to me!” There was a pause in which Zoltan slanted his eyebrows and gave him a condescending look. Jason’s face relaxed and his eyes widened. “You’re just upset that I broke up with you, aren’t you?” he accused. The younger guitarist looked taken aback. “That’s why you ain’t on my side.” He glanced nervously at the others.

“Jason, I’m not on anyone’s side—”

“You’re on Jeremy’s side, liar!” He snapped. He looked wildly over at the drummer, “Tell them what really happened! Tell them the complete truth about what you said! You ain’t got nothing to worry about!” He said with a deliberately light tone, “They wouldn’t kick you out of the band even if you murdered one of us!”

“Jason, you need to calm down,” Chris started, but he went on.

“Tell them what happened, Jeremy!”

“I did!” Jeremy responded, “And I think my face,” he referenced his whole face with his hand, “is proof enough that you’re in the wrong!”

“Tell them how you said all gay men ever want to do is fuck every man they come across! Tell them how you said Zoltan and I look like shit and how you said I was pathetic and desperate and that’s why men like me become gay! Tell them how the real reason you got your ass kicked is because you said Chris and Ivan wouldn’t fuck me because I’m disgusting! Huh? Tell them the truth, Jeremy! It’s all out now and I don’t have any shame left for the situation!”

Somehow the recoil came back at the guitarist. “Alright, Jason,” Ivan said, “Tell me what your deal with Chris and I is. I wanna know. Do you have something against us being in love or something?”

Jason’s heart froze. “L—love?”

“Yeah, love.”

Jason looked at Zoltan who pursed his lips.

This was everything he had feared. The reason behind his actions flooded forward – the reason he had been searching so hard for – the reason he felt the way he did towards the singer and bassist. A giant tidal wave collided with the back of his heart and quickly surged through his body, filling up his throat, lungs, and stomach. The atmosphere seemed to implode in on itself and crush him inside of it.

“Jason?” Zoltan spoke to him from what sounded like several universes away. “Are you jealous of what they have? Because I remember you being in denial when I mentioned the possibility that they loved each other. Do you want what they have?”

Jason?

Jason…?

He was frozen in time. All of his fantasies fell apart around him. How could they love each other? Why did they love each other? He couldn’t have their attention and affection and love if they loved each other. And he never would. It almost made him angry…

“W—why?” He asked, staring at the singer and bassist.

“Why?” Chris repeated. “Like why do we love each other?”

“Yeah, and since when?” Jeremy added. He looked slightly repulsed.

“Shit, I dunno…” he mumbled, looking to Ivan who glared at him. He fumbled quickly for an answer, “H—he makes me happy, makes me feel good. We understand one another. I mean, it’s not about the sex – it never was – but we’ve been in love since before you guys found out we were ‘fuckbuddies’,” he said, adding finger quotes.

“So what’s the problem, Jason?” the singer asked.

He hesitated as angry tears settled onto his eyelids. “So no one’s gonna love me then?” he murmured shakily. He hiccupped and turned his head away.

“J…” Zoltan held a hand out and started to stand up.

“No!” he snapped, “I don’t love you, Zoltan! Get over it! And honestly,” he addressed the whole band, “I don’t care if you kick me out anymore! I’ve just been an embarrassment to myself and the band, and you all hate me now anyways, so fuck it!”

As he left, swinging his guitar back on his shoulder, Ivan followed him out.

Once outside he said, “Jason, slow down! I’m still confused—”

“About what!” Jason spun back around, “The fact that I hate myself or the fact that I really thought three grown-ass men could live happily ever after with one another?! I was a fucking idiot, Ivan! Jeremy was right! I am pathetic and desperate and I might as well die alone because no woman or man would ever fall in love with my sorry ass!” When Ivan opened his mouth to speak, Jason cut him off. “And before you ask about Zoltan, let me just tell you that whatever we had before – which you never knew about – was nothing! I don’t want him, I won’t want him, and I still want you and Chris and that just makes me hate myself more!” Hot, rage-induced tears flowed from his eyes and his shoulders shook with sobs. “S—so kick me out of the band so I n—never have to interact with any of you guys again.”

There was a long pause in which Ivan let the guitarist cry and be crushed by the silence. “So you just want a little attention, huh?” he asked softly. He walked towards him and touched his face gently like he had done so many times in the past with Chris. “Nothing wrong with that…” He caressed his face gently and wiped his tears away with his jacket sleeve. “You know,” he whispered, “I never wanted to kick you out of the band. I just wanted you to apologize to Jeremy to avoid future conflict, but,” he smiled and looked him in the eyes as he stroked his face and ran his thumb across his strip beard, “we both know Jeremy can be an asshole sometimes. Most times, really.” Jason grinned and melted beneath Ivan’s tender touch. “We don’t hate you,” the singer whispered so sweetly it hurt the guitarist’s heart, “but you’ve got to come to terms with Chris and I’s relationship, okay?”

“Mm—hm…”

“Alright…”

The door to the studio opened and Chris joined them outside.

“What’s going on?” He asked, “Everything okay?”

Ivan stopped touching Jason and took a casual step back. “I think so,” he responded. He looked at the older guitarist. “Is everything okay?”

“I love you guys,” Jason mumbled, looking between them, “I’m sorry.”

Chris smirked and shook his head. “Don’t say that shit.” He patted his arm and Jason sidestepped a centimeter towards him, tempting a hug. “Zoltan’s worried about you, man.”

“So?”

“Are you upset with him?”

“No.”

“Are you gonna apologize to Jeremy?”

Jason looked at Ivan.

“Jeremy’s an asshole,” Ivan said, tapping Chris’s hand, “Fuck it.” He shrugged and smiled and the bassist gave him a funny look.

“I’m sorry,” Jason said again, “about everything. I’ll leave you two alone and get over myself.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” the singer said, “You’ve still got a friend in us.”

“I’m flattered, really,” Chris said, “And hey – you aren’t that ugly.” He grinned and the guitarist smiled back.

“I’d just think about how much warmer I’d be if I wasn’t sleeping alone every night,” Jason said, the long withheld truth emanating forth, “if I was sleeping between you two. Because… I thought if it was possible for you two to fall in love than maybe it’d be possible for me, but instead of searching for it in other people my brain just became fixed on being a part of what you two have. At the same time, though, I didn’t want to believe you guys were anything more than just friends with benefits,” he chuckled mirthlessly, “and maybe because I thought that, I kind of wanted the sex too, even if I denied it.”

“Mm, well,” Ivan said awkwardly, “We’re not doing that, but, uh,” he looked at Chris, “we appreciate you finally talking to us about this, and whatever you decide to do with whoever you want to do it with from now on won’t concern us, alright? So, I mean, like, if you decide that you and Zoltan still have a thing, that’s okay.”

“I—I don’t know about Zoltan, honestly…”

“That’s alright,” Chris assured him, “He is a little,” he made a funny hand motion and laughed, “sometimes, you know?” The three men chuckled. “I mean, come on, though, Jason. You know you’re more than just our coworker: you’re our friend. Even Jeremy’s,” he added with a raise of his eyebrows.

“I don’t have to apologize to his stupid ass though, right?”

“Nah,” Ivan replied, “Just make sure you don’t make a habit out of flattening his face, okay?”

“Okay.” Jason wanted to tell them he loved them again, but he couldn’t. He made a promise to himself not to screw up their friendship anymore, but rather repair it and learn to be happy for them, because who really knew how deeply in love with one another they were? That wasn’t any of his business.

They walked back into the studio and Jeremy and Zoltan looked up at them expectantly.

“So are you ready to apologize for fucking up my bread and butter?” Jeremy asked in a demanding and rude manner.

“Nope,” Jason replied shortly, and then he set his guitar down across the room.

“What?”

“Piss off, Jeremy,” Ivan said. Chris and Jason chuckled.

“Uh!” the drummer scoffed in disbelief.

“So is everything good now?” Zoltan asked.

“No!” Jeremy declared, “Nothing’s good! I deserve a fucking apology!”

“Yeah, we’re good,” Ivan answered.

“Ivan!”

“I said ‘piss off, Jeremy’!”

“This is bullshit! This is some grade-A bullshit!” he exclaimed.

Jason took a seat next to the younger guitarist before they commenced practice and they smiled at each other. Zoltan put his arm around him and patted his shoulder, and though he liked the affection, Jason wished the attention would stop.
He probably shouldn’t have made the scene he did.
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Five Finger Death Punch