You Learn To Love the Pain You Feel | By : heartgrenade13 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Green Day Views: 1521 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Green Day. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
"What do you want in a man? What do you consider 'dating material?'" Billie asked politley.
"I want a man who will let me pee in his bellybutton. I want a man to accept the beast in me."
Billie jumped up as if an invisible football player pushed him. "You like peeing in peoples bellybuttons? You're into that whole thing?" His eyes bulged and he was disgusted to the point of making a sour look on his face.
"No, I don't like that. It's just the idea that a guy is ok with the idea that girls do that stuff too and isn't disgusted my...blood...or that girls actually crap too."
"Oh, good 'cause I wasn't gonna let you pee in my bellybutton. Well, it would depend on how much pee..how much are we talking about here?"
"I don't want to pee in your bellybutton!"
"Good...I didn't want you to."
Billie turned away angrily and sighed. "That was a totally sick thing to say anyway." he mumbled.
"You were warming up to the idea weren't you?"
"Ha,ha. Why would I want some girl to go buck wild on me and piss in my bellybutton or spank me or..." Billie was drifting off to lala land and kept ranting about more intimate bedroom, or public(just depends on my mood), acts of intimacy.
"Let me guess, you want me to dominate you." I said while less than amused.
"Humph..why would I want that? Why would I want to reach peak pleasure?"
"Ok, ok, we'll see how it goes ok?"
"Really?"
"Sure."
"Fuck yes."
"What do you want out of a girl?"
"I want someone who is crazy, cool, awesome, talented, special, doesn't care if I drink a shitload or that I'm bi or that I'm on the road a lot. Plus she's got to trust me."
"Your bi??" My voice shook with pain as I tried to keep from crying the tears I had held in for years."
"Joe..where the hell are you?" I shouted into the tall, cold house. The sad thing was, it was my house. I was 14 going on 15. It was less of a house, more of a tomb. My parents had great jobs and I should of been happy but I wasn't.
"I'm right here, jesus Shirl, I was only grabbing something to drink."
"I know but we've got practice."
"Practice can wait. It'll always be there."
"I know." I whispered.
Joe had power over me. He was the ripe age of 17 going on 18. I had only joined his band Goodbye Mr. Mackenzie for the sheer fact that I had a crush on him. We started dating shortly after I made the band. I was so powerless and he was so powerful. I only have myself to blame for that. I gave him all the power.
I setup my keyboard and mic stand. I was watching my wrist length sleeves intently, making sure my wrists didn't show. I was never a "happy" kid. I was like most, comfortably numb and didn't even know it. Not much bothered me. Yes, I'd be upset but it never really showed and the thoughts went away quickly. Then it all changed when I turned 14. The only way I could ever forget was if I would hurt myself. To this day I haven't stopped. No, I don't try and kill myself or cut myself, I just dig my nails into my skin and will chew on my kneecaps.
The fresh scars mad me unwillingly smile. I loved pain, it was my best friend and always there for me. I made room for the pain in my life and welcomed it with open arms.
"Happy birthday!!" Joe shouted to me as I ran up to him. I was finally 15. " You know what I think Shirley?"
"What?"
"That you're old enough for my present."
"Is it porn or something?" I asked hoping it was good quality porn.
"No, it's me." He leaned in to me and pushed me with his body into my room. He slowly closed the door and took off his shirt.
He was scrawny and pasty. At that moment I realized I had no idea what I had seen in him before. After that everything is black. I made sure I went somewhere else mentally. There was something I couldn't let go of. Joe was bi. He never told me he was until I found him backstage after a gig making out with another scrawny pasty man.
"Look, it's just that I can't just have one I need both."
"You need a pussy that didn't necessarily want to be had and a dick?"
"I just need both ok, I can't control it."
"Yeah, I'm bi Shirl. What's the big deal?"
"I need some air!"
I rushed out of Billie's hotel room and onto the balcony. I looked out to the stars and whispered " Why do you hate me God? I try so hard but I'm always knocked down. What the fuck do I have to do to get some luck down here?"
"I'm not so sure you like this whole bi thing."
I twitched when I heard the voice ring through my head. I was so sure that he was like my exes. I had convinced myself of it. My mind throbbed with disappointment. "How bi are you?"
"I mean, I've never been in a relationship with a guy."
"You don't have to be in a relationship to fuck em."
"Well unless you count that one time back in the bay when I dropped the soap..."
"God damn it!"
"I was kidding! Take a joke! No, I haven't fucked any guys. Yes I kiss guys but as jokes not because 'Oh, he's so hot...he needs to take me, take me now!'"
"Then how are you bi?"
"I just have thoughts I guess like, I'll think some guys are attractive but I don't touch the male merchandise."
"But you want it."
"Not really, compared to how badly I want you." His voice had a smidgen of sarcasm in it.
I breathed in the cold air. My lungs began to comfort me. It had a calming effect to it, the coolness in the air was strangely like a warm embrace from a long, lost friend. I eased my racing mind and turned around slowly. I looked Billie straight in the eye and acted like everything was fine. Well I'm tired, I'm gonna go!" Acting happy had become an art.
~~Ten Commandments of Love(By Ms. Shirley Manson)
#4
Thou shalt honor my bodily fluids~~
He wanted it...he can't deny it!
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