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Blood red October	By : Siobahn Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Malice Mizer Views: 1452 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Malice Mizer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: I don't own these people, and you know it!

When they had ate, they went to their living room and sat down on the
couch just before their blazing fireplace.

- What did you mean by that ‘not as late as usually’, Hime-chan?
- Umm… will you have some wine?
- Mana-Hime… answer to me, please
- Umm… well… for the past three weeks, you have always been one or two hours late from the time you said you’d come. But today… today you were in time.
- I… I need to tell you something…
- Yes?
- This is not so easy… I mean… you know that I love you?
- Hey… I think it’s nice that you care about me so much that you play this role, and lie to me, just for my sake, that you love me. But you don’t have to… as long as you don’t say that you hate me, I’m happy
- What do you mean, I don’t love you?
- Oh, come on… I know that you’re having a new relationship and all, so you really can’t love me anymore. Mana smiled to Gackt very understandingly
- What… how did you know about Ren and me?
- Didn’t I say to you that we still have this connection?
- Well, yes but… hey, why didn’t you say anything about me and Ren, I mean… It must have meant something to you?
- Oh, it means lot for me, you can believe that… but only thing that matters in this world is that you’re happy, Mana said still smiling. He had rehearsed this for hours. To harden his feelings before the eyes of Gackt. His eyes were frozen, he couldn’t move a bit. He knew that if he had moved, he would crack, he would start pathetically cry and maybe throw himself on Gackts neck.
- And you’re the only man who can make me happy
- Oh, come on. I know that you want to protect me, cause you know that no one else can. But I think I can handle the fact that you love someone else.
- I don’t love anyone else!
- You do.
- No. I. Don’t.
- Then why did you sleep with him all those times?
- Now we got to the point… this is the thing, that I’ve wanted to tell you all this time… I… this is a very bad reason but…
- Yes? You can tell me, I’m not mad
- You aren’t?
- No! I could never be mad at you! My God, I love you!
- I love you too… anyway… about a month ago I noticed that something in you had changed… it was your eyes. Your eyes had changed, I mean you always had those frozen eyes for publicity, for everyone else, everyone else, but me. At that time I noticed that you had given those eyes to me too. Those eyes that were always so deep for me, those eyes that were always so full of hope and love for me. They had changed to these frozen publicity eyes. It made me feel so angry, so miserable, so unnoticed. I felt like you didn’t see me the way you used to see me. I thought that I need to get your attention back to me. That you should notice me again. So I started to meet Ren, my guitarist… hmph… isn’t it funny… you’re a guitarist too, my Hime-chan, he’s just nothing compared to you. Anyway, we started to see each other and few times I even slept with him… just to make you love me again. And wasn’t I stupid? You just said that you’ll always love me, and now I’ve ruined everything. I wish I’d never done that, I love you so much, but I can’t get you back again. I know that you can’t forgive me… I just wish… I wish you know that no matter what happens I’ll always love you, Hime.

Tears rolled down on Gackts cheeks as he spoke. Mana leaned towards him and wiped the tears off with his thumb. Manas shield wasn’t good enough for this, he started to cry too and put his hands around Gackts waste. His head was leaning on Gackts chest and they were quietly rocking back and forth.

- Shh… don’t you dare to cry because of me… Mana sobbed against his chest
- I’m sorry, I just… I can’t handle it because I can’t stand the idea, that I can’t have you anymore
- But of course you can have me! You’ll always have me! Didn’t I just tell you that I’ll always love you, no matter what
- Really? Will you?
- I will… just stop crying, cause it’s hurting me so much
- I love you
- I love you too

They fell asleep like that, in each others arms. At night Mana woke up. He could remember everything so clearly. He hated himself so much right now. Why did he have to lose his mask? Why his shell had led him down? Quietly he stood up from the couch, afraid to wake Gackt up. He slowly walked up the stairs to their bathroom. He leaned his hands on the sink and watched himself from the mirror above. How stupid he was… how weak. He was so frustrated. He squeezed his hand on a fist until his knuckles were all white. Then he hit. He hit on the mirror, again and again and again. Till the little pieces of glass surrounded him all over and made these little wounds on his hands. Then he just sank sobbing on the bathroom floor. He pressed his knees against his chest and leaned against the bath tub. Suddenly Gackt was there.

- What are you doing, Hime-Hime?
- …Umm… nothing… Mana couldn’t watch Gackt to his eyes
- No, seriously… what are you doing?? You could have hurt your self so badly
- Well… I didn’t, Mana sobbed to Gackt. Gackt landed on the floor too, next to Mana. He grabbed his arms around Mana and slowly rocked him back and forth
- Shh… my Hime-chan, shh… everything will be all right…
- Look at the pieces… they are so beautiful, the whole mirror spread across our bathroom… and there’s blood in there too. Blood is so beautiful. Like that autumn three years ago… that was blood red.
- Shh…
- I just… I hate myself so much right now…
- Why? Why do you hate your self Hime?
- Well… because…
- Yes?
- My shield let me down before you…
- Hasn’t it always let you down in front of me?
- Yes, but this time I really rehearsed so that it wouldn’t crack
- Why, why didn’t you want to let me see you?
- Because I don’t want you to pity me… I want you to love me, not pity me
- But I do love you! Mana… you don’t always have to be so tough! It doesn’t matter, if people can see your feelings
- But if I show my feelings I’ll just get hurt again and again
- You wont… look at me… do I get hurt though I show my feelings?
- No, but you are you and you are so much stronger than I am
- What do I have to do that you’ll believe me?
- Kiss me…?

And as they shared one of the most passionete kiss they ever had, Mana promised to himself he'd let goof his mask, he's let himself feel, live.

- Now we have to clean those wounds of yours, so that you won’t get an infection
- You’re so good to me, always taking care of me, Mana said and smiled through his tears to Gackt. Gackt lifted Mana to sit up on the edge of the bathtub.
- Now you just sit there, and I’ll get all we need, ok?
- Okay, Mana sniffed and was left there to sit alone. Soon Gackt came back with all kinds of nursing stuff.
- Now, let’s make these wounds come better, Gackt said and started to clean the little cuts on Manas hands. Mana gasped as the wet cotton ball touched his hand, it was hurting so much. Though the wounds were small, they did still hurt.
- Oh, I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?
- No… that’s my own fault, my own stupidity, Mana said and watched as Gackt continued his work.
- Ready!
- Umm… thank you for cleaning them…
- Anything for you
- I think we should go to sleep…
- Yes, lets go, Gackt answered and grabbed a hold of Manas hand. Mana felt really warm inside for the first time in months. They walked side by side to their bedroom and took their clothes off. Then they laid down on their bed, next to each other, Gackt playing with Manas hair
- Aishiteru Hime-Mana
- Aishiteru Gakuto

After that night in October, exactly two years after the blood red October, everything came back to normal. In my heart I know that he’ll always love me. He always has. Now it’s summer after that fall. He’s lying on our bed, sleeping and I’m just watching as his body goes up and down as he breaths. He’s so beautiful, my own Gakuto. Actually… what I said earlier, that everything is normal now, well it’s not true. Everything is better than normal now. Even better than in that night at that park. I mean… now I feel even more like one with him, if possible…

It’s October again, soon after I had left Ren GacktJOB broke up again… well, You and Chachamaru didn’t leave, I’ve always had those two with me. But everyone else left the band, so we had to find new players… anyway, that doesn’t matter as long as I’m with my Hime-Hime. We’ve been thinking this a lot, and we know that our time will someday come, and we’ll have to say goodbye to each other. Well, we have made a promise: when our life ends in this time… well, in the next time we’ll find each other and make no mistakes. In next life, we’ll live happily together.

Dir en grey: Yurameki

I can not return, I want to forget,
My love for you that will not “waver”

On that day, I vanished from your sight.
Now it’s already too late, what can I do?

Staring at you as you brake down crying,
I embraced you even tighter than usual.
But you won’t change

How I realise it now,
your love is already gone…
I was truly a fool for you

Shall we end it here?
When I think of you,
for some reason my eyes fill with tears.

I will never hurt you again.
Because I want to hold you close
Like I always did before

I’ve betrayed our love too much
“Now we can not return
To how we were three years ago…”

Why did the two of us meet?
What did I give to you?

If there’s a chance we could meet again,
I’ll keep waiting until that time

I can not return, I want to forget,
One more time, more than ever

Even my memories I want to forget,
My heart that loved you is in pain

For all eternity,
Love like never before

For all eternity,
Our love will not return

With my serious betrayal
Meaning more than my love,
You will never “waver”…

Lyrics: Kyo
Music: Shinya

THE END!

A/N
And yes, I do know Ren was Gackts bassist, not guitarist, but it fit better in this story if he was guitarist so moo
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Blood red October