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Better Days	By : Kashshaptu Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1765 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the plot is purely my imagination, though I did do my research and homework on this subject, so all the facts could be considered true and aren't made up.

AN: Hi!^^ Sorry for not updating for so long! Here I come with the 4th installment of this, please enjoy and tell me what you think! Btw: these fics are also up on my website: www.averagepsycho.net

Thanks!

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Who would want to visit the broken me?

That phrase replays over and over in my head as I look expectantly at the red-haired nurse standing there. He smiles and steps back, leaving the entry way free for someone, someone I don’t know, to walk in.

The man has purple hair, smiled broadly and looks…a bit dorky to me. Die-san smiles and tells me that he’ll leave us alone and that he’ll be back later on. Then he leaves. I look puzzled at the stranger walking into my room. “Who are you?” I ask softly, frantically trying to hide the lack of limb that can obviously be seen underneath the blanket.

“Don’t worry.” He says. “I won’t look at it if that makes you feel less uncomfortable.” How does he know? How does he know that’s the only thing people need to do? Not look at it?

I softly nod, still very much puzzled and confused by what he’s doing here.

“Also. I’m not some weird stalker or anything. Let me explain.” He smiles broadly at me, grabbing the chair next to the bed and sitting down on it. There’s something weird about him, but I can’t quite put it.

“I’m a friend of Daisuke.” He says. Ah, see, that’s why he’s weird. Die rubs off on people, I absentmindedly think. I frown on the outside though, not sure if I should accept this. What did the man do? Set me up to meet one of his friends?

“He asked me…to visit you. There’s a reason for the visit though.” He says, sighing. “This is hard for me…” He mutters. I frown more. What the hell is happening to me today? It’s like one of those paintings by Dali. Everything appears to be normal, but if you look closely, almost every thing is painted the wrong way. And I can’t help linking this all to my leg. Painted exactly the wrong way.

I blink a few times when I see a hand waving in front of my eyes. “Hey, are you with me?” Oh yeah, Kaoru. I almost forgot about him.

“Why are you here?” I ask him, not caring that I might sound really pissed right now.

He sighs again. “I know you don’t want any visitors, and I certainly know you probably despise Die for sending me here. But I just want to tell you something about myself and then show you something. After that you can throw me out again.” He looks at me pleadingly. I can’t help it. I’m getting curious. And when I get curious, I need to get to the bottom of things. Slowly, I nod, silently permitting him to tell me.

He smiles at me and begins. “Ok, well. Let’s start with the easy part. I’m Nikura Kaoru, twenty-six years old, and I’m from Tokyo. I work a simple office job at a boring law-firm. I go out at weekends and have dated my fair share of women. Right at this point I met a…man, but that doesn’t matter. Easily put…I have my life sort of together, have fun and even though I’m kind of introvert, I have a nice social life.”

I sigh. It really does pain me to hear about other people’s happy lives. “Get to the point.” I quickly say. I don’t want to hear all this ramblings.

“Well…” He starts. “The point is easy. It’s something I’d have to show you though.” He says. He raises his right leg and crosses it loosely over his left one. Then he points at his lower leg. “Touch it.” Is the simple command he gives me.

I raise a brow. Why the hell would I have to touch his leg? I –am- curious though, and it’s not long before I hesitatingly reach out and put my hand on his lower leg. My eyes widen immediately and I look at him terrified. What I feel isn’t real. It’s…fake. He’s wearing a prosthesis. I pull my hand back immediately, not sure why, but I’m scared as hell.

“It’s fake, yes. I’ve had a freak accident at my former job, two years ago. Lost my lower leg. I’m ashamed of it, true. But I guess my point is that you’re not alone. Even if it feels like that so often.” He says softly.

I start shaking my head, feeling tears run down my cheek. “No…” I hear myself whisper. Everything’s a blur. I really don’t know why I’m freaking out like this, but I look at him through tear-stained vision. “Please…just…get out. Leave me alone.” It’s all distant. I hear myself talking, like I’m not the one doing the talking. I see him stand up and look at me. “I’ll leave you now. I’m really, really sorry if I upset you. It wasn’t my intension.” He says, getting up slowly. “Just leave.” I cry, not looking at him nor saying anything else.

And with that, he leaves, looking apologetically at me right before he closes the door softly. Immediately I start sobbing loudly. Why can’t I just be normal? Why did this happen to me? I can’t stand it! I grab a pillow and press it against my face tightly, screaming out. All the pent up emotion needs to get out. And I yell, yell until my voice begins to falter, a raw pain spreading in my throat and all that is left is sad ol’ me, sobbing and croakily yelling into that pillow. My shoulders are shaking and I’m getting more and more tired. Why the fuck can’t I just stay awake for a whole day? Like I used to do?

Instead, I feel the need to sleep after every stupid conversation or thing. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! With all the strength I can muster, and a loud yell, I throw the pillow against that stupid wheelchair that keeps on taunting me against the stupid wall that keeps on laughing at me.

Miraculously, I begin to calm down. I pant loudly, exhausted from yelling and sobbing the whole time. I lie back against the pillows and sigh. “Damnit.” I whisper softly to myself, looking at the stark-white ceiling. I feel my eyelids getting heavy and I sigh, feeling way too tired to actually fight off the sleep that falls over me…

***

I’ve stood outside of his room for the whole time. I heard him scream and yell and I close my eyes.

“It’s OK.” Kaoru says softly. He went for a cup of coffee and now he’s back, saying goodbye before he leaves. “It’s a good thing he’s doing that. He needs to let all his feelings and frustrations out. He’ll be fine in the end.”

I look at him and smile. “Thanks man. Also, for talking to him. He’s not the easiest person to be around. Or so I’ve heard the nurses say.”

Kaoru chuckles when I say that and he nods. “No problem. Just ask me over again if he ever wants to talk to me again. I have a feeling he’ll want to.” He says before saluting and walking off. “See ya Friday!” I say, walking off too. I feel like he should be left alone for a while.

I have more than enough to arrange for my plan anyway. I need to ask one of the higher chiefs here about some options, and then I need to ask Shinya permission of course.

***

I smile happily around dinner time. Everything is sort of arranged and has a stamp of approval. The only thing I need to do is get Shinya to approve my plan. I have a tray of food with me and I knock on Shinya’s door. There’s no answer, so I slowly open it. The man is still asleep. “Shinya-san, dinner is ready.” I softly whisper, not getting an answer.

The poor man must be tired as hell. I put the tray down softly and stand next to him, reaching out an arm to softly shake his shoulder, trying to get him awake. “Shinya-san, wake up.”

***

I groan when I feel myself being shaken. “Hnng…what?” I groan out, slowly waking up and opening my eyes. “You dinner is ready.” I hear a familiar voice say. Sighing, I look up at Die’s grinning face. “What time is it?” I ask, still not quite awake.

“It’s 5.15pm. Time for dinner.” He says, sitting down on the chair next to the bed. I begin to sit up and look a bit dazed at the clock. He’s right. I’ve slept for two hours. Die puts the tray with food on my lap and smiles. “I’m not sure what you wanted to drink, so I just put fruit juice on it.” He says, scratching the back of his head. “It’s ok.” I say. Is it me, or does this conversation seem a little forced?

“I have something to ask you.” Die-san says then, earning a raised brow from me as I poke around in my food, taking small bites of the stuff I do like.

“I went through a bit of trouble to get something done for you, but I do need your approval on this one.” He looks at me with a serious face. I frown. “What is it?”

“It’s about Miyu. Your dog.” My eyes widened. “Did something happen to her?! Miyu?” I instantly say, panic rising within me. “No, no. Nothing’s wrong with her.” He says. I sigh. “Don’t ever do that to me again. I was scared to death.” I say with a low voice.

He chuckles. “I’m sorry. I’ll go on. You mentioned that you’d like your dog close to you, ne?” I nod, he continues. “Well, since I’m guessing you don’t want your dog in a pound, and because she can’t stay at this centre….There’s one option I could think of. But you’d have to agree with it.” He’s being weird and cryptic and I can’t stand it. “Just tell me.” I say, taking small bites of the food that’s quickly cooling down.

“She could stay at my place. And I could bring her here. I discussed it with one of the chiefs. He says it’s OK if she stays at the centre during the day, as long as she won’t sleep there.”

I look at him with wide eyes. “Are you…serious?” He nods. I don’t know what to say. Of course I’ll let him take care of her. I think I trust him enough to actually take care of Miyu. “I…Of course!” I blurt out, quickly putting my hand in front of my mouth. “I mean…yes. Yes, you can take care of her, as long as you’ll take care of her the way it’s needed.” He chuckles a bit, probably at my enthusiasm. This is the first time I actually feel more or less happy, not considering my current situation of course.

“Is there some sort of a manual?” He asks, grinning, his eyes sparkling. I faintly smile. “I’ll write the important things down. When will she get here?” I ask, already getting impatient. “Well, your parents planned on visiting the day after tomorrow, so I’ll call them so they can take her with them. And of course everything she needs.” He says, getting an apple from his pocket and putting it on my tray, without saying a word.

I smile slightly, nodding excessively at the red-head. In return I grab my whole dinner from my tray and hand it to him. “You seem to enjoy that more than I do. I’ll just eat the pudding and the fruit.”

He shakes his head. “You need to eat better.” But he takes the food anyway. “You know what, write down what you like and I’ll see what I can do. After all, your parents pay big bucks to keep you here. There must be something the cooks can do.” He says, starting to much on the food.

I slightly nod and start eating the fruits and pudding in silence, beaming the whole time. I can’t wait for Miyu to get here.

***

I’ve never seen him happier in all his life. I think he forgot for a while why he is where he is. I think I’ve done the right thing. Even though people keep on telling me I can’t personally involve too much, this is the best solution for me. I can’t stand to see him like that.

Kaoru said it to me again today. “Don’t get involved Andou-san.” He imitated my boss’s voice. He’s right. I shouldn’t. But his helplessness, it’s just so…so…saddening. I always was the one to rescue the ‘stuck-in-the-tree’ kitten, or the little bird that fell from its nest. It’s pretty much the same right now. But this time I shouldn’t. It’s more professional. I will not fall in love. I will not.

I sigh. I know I can’t promise myself that right now. The sad thing is. I’m already starting to. Starting to like him more than I should. I hang up my hospital coat and put on my jacket and grab my bag from my locker. Another day is over. Time for me to go home. I’m glad I don’t have to make any dinner. I had enough from Shinya’s meal. I’m feeling extremely lazy today.

I sigh again, walking out of the building troubled. It’s raining a little bit. Just the weather to fit my mood. I look at the darkening sky. Days sure are long at the centre.

I called his parents today. They’re not very optimistic about his progress. It’s indeed going slow. They had half-expected me to tell them he could walk again. He never even left his bed yet. But it’s ok, I guess. These things take months. He needs to get over his immense self-hate. If he so much as sees you glancing at his leg, he’ll break down and start crying. I wonder how he’ll survive his parents like that. They seemed pretty criticizing about the whole situation.

At least he’ll have Miyu here now. I wonder what the little doggy is like. I hope I can keep him a bit under control. I’m not a dog-person. I really am not. I never know exactly what the hell to do with those animals…and they’re eyes, begging you for whatever it is they want. I guess I’ll just have to make the best I can of it.

I’m already at my apartment and I open the door, walking inside, taking off my shoes. There’s a small bundle of mail waiting for me. Mostly junk and a few bills. I stretch and roll my neck around. I’m way too tired to open them and throw them on my coffee table. I take off my coat and grab a coke from my fridge. This will be a couch-night, I decide. And that’s just what I do. I plop down on my couch and turn on my TV, the coke in my hand.

I look around my apartment and smile. At least it’s not one big mess. That’s probably only because I’m never home long enough to make a mess out of it. I snicker at my own thoughts and zap through a few channels, not really watching anything in particular.

God, how I love these nights of just hanging on the couch after a hard day of work. The only thing I really need now is a massage. A massage from someone with nice slender hands. Immediately I start thinking of Shinya again, and I clench my eyes shut. Damnit, I can’t think of him like that! But he does have slender hands…

Maybe Yuki and Kaoru are right. Maybe it would be best to find someone for me when we go out this Friday. But for some reason I know I won’t listen to them. I’ll just keep going my way. And my heart will probably be shattered along the way. He was engaged. To a girl, even.

Sighing again, I take a large sip of my beer. Damn me and my melancholy. I’m acting like it’s the end of the world, while the answer is so simple. I need to stop thinking of him. Just…stop. And everything will be all right.

Hmm…Maybe I should take a shower. Get my mind off things, be less tired from work. Yeah, that’s actually a good idea. I stand up and put my coke on the table. I walk to my bedroom, shedding my clothes on the way. It’s not like anyone can see me naked, and it’s not like I care. I grab a towel from my room and make my way to the small bathroom.

Not a minute later I stand in the shower, letting the near-scalding water completely relax me and wash off the tired feelings. It helps. I don’t even feel like getting soap or shampoo or anything. I just want to stand here, enjoying the hot spray that soaks me through and through.

My mind is completely blank. I’m not even thinking of him. That’s not true though. See?! Here I go again, thinking about him. Why can’t I just leave him the hell alone and focus on doing my job right? On making sure he gets what he needs from a patient-doctor point of view?

I’m sick of it. I turn around to turn off the shower and step out of it, grabbing my towel, not caring that I’m making everything wet on my way.

I guess I’ll have to start making this apartment dog-proof tomorrow...

-TBC-

AN: Yay! that was another chapter! I'm writing the next one as we speak, so yes ^^ Expect that in a bit! Thank you for reading and please tell me what you think of this!
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Better Days