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Gotta knock a little harder	By : Siobahn Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Malice Mizer Views: 1394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Malice Mizer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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I’ve now been many years in this band, and I think I should move on soon. Oh, I don’t know, though I would like to move on, this band still means to me so much… Kami doesn’t like the idea. He means so much to me, like the only one in this band that I really can trust on. I mean all of them are my friends –except Mana, who I don’t know well enough to say that- but Kami is just more. I don’t mean like a lover, or anything, I just mean that he is my best friend. Best friend in this band and best friend in my whole life. He’s always pressing me to solve out, what Mana is. What Mana is to me.

I don’t know, if I want to keep my shell anymore… I mean… it protects me, yes, but I can’t have any social relationships. I can’t have any friends. Is it really that good not to have friends? I don’t think so, I mean where I even got the idea that it would be good for me? It’s just so hard to let go of it… I mean, what would I say? Besides, everyone would just think that I’ve totally lost my mind

I’m walking towards our studio at the moment and I’ve decided that today I’m gonna ask him to my place for dinner. I suppose he won’t come, but at least I’m gonna try. I’m gonna try till he comes. I owe at least this to Kami. Though I’ve even admitted now that I’m a bisexual just for Kami, that’s not enough, I got to do more for him. He is so good friend to me, he is always listening and I never do anything for him. Now I’m doing, he always pushed me to come out of my closet, he also always pushes me to do something to my Mana problem. Now I’m finally doing these things for him. And I know he knows that. Our rehearsal begins. I wonder, how many times do I have to ask, before he will say yes. Will he ever say yes?

-Gackt! Could you please concentrate a little?! You are singing totally out of melodies! Manas shout made Gackt wake up from his thoughts
-Oh, sorry… I sank too deep in my thoughts, Mana
-Okay, lets continue!

So cold…

-I think we can stop for today. You played good today, guys and Gackt… you sang beautifully, after you concentrated a bit. Have a nice weekend all
-Gackt! We’re gonna go for drinks tonight, are you gonna come? Yu~ki asked
-Umm… not this time, I think I’m a bit too tired
-Oh, okay… have a nice weekend, see you again on Monday! Gackt could barely hear, what Yu~ki was saying, he was more interested about Mana.
-Huh? Oh, yes… same to you… Gackt just stared at Manas back and waited till everyone else had left the studio
-Yes Gackt, what’s the matter? Mana said without even turning
-I… umm… I… Gackt couldn’t get the words out of his mouth Somehow now that they were there by just two of them Gackt started to get frightened about the situation. He started to walk towards the shorter mans back
-Yes, Gackt? Mana said and turned to face him.
-Did you have something to say? Mana asked and actually tried to smile

What the fuck?! Is he really smiling? This is something that I or I
think no one has ever seen!

-I… I thought that, if you wanted, umm… you could come to my place this Saturday and we could make food and umm… we could rent some movie, or something like that... I mean, if you want
-I… I have these lyrics to check… Mana said sounding really sad
-Well, some other time then, see you on Monday, Gackt said and turned to leave, but Mana grabbed a hold of his hand
-…but I think I can check them tonight, so yes, why not. I’ll come to your place. Gackt was stunned, what did this mean?
-Oh, great! What do you want to eat
-Well, lets go to the grocery together and decide tomorrow, if that’s okay
-Oh yes, of course. Here’s my address and phone number, Gackt said and wrote them down on a piece of paper
-What time shall I come
-Is three o ‘clock okay? So that we have enough time to go to a shop and maybe rent some movie
-Yes that’s okay, Mana said. Neither of them didn’t know what to say. They just stood there and looked every corner of the room with a huge interest, like they were painters who were gonna repair those corners and walls
-I umm… I think I should be going now… Gackt said and broke the silence
-Yeah…
-See you tomorrow
-At three o’ clock sharp
-Yes, Gackt said and smiled to Mana, then vanishing from the room

***

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Gotta knock a little harder