In Love And Death | By : VenusMoon Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
"Gerard, what the fuck are you doing?"
Gerard jumped and spun around, dropping the cd case and spilling cocaine all over his mattress. "Shit, that was all I had left!" he started angrily, then looking up to realize who had interrupted him. He paled.
"Gerard? What... the... fuck," Bert repeated, his voice overly-calm. His eyes suddenly showed the anger he was feeling inside. "Are you doing?" he screamed, grabbing Gerard by the shoulders and shaking him.
"Bert, look... I just... I was depressed when the tour started and it was hard to get onstage everyday and... and after we got into that fight-"
"I don't want to hear it!" Bert snapped. "We both know how this shit starts! God damnit, Gerard! Do you really want to do this to yourself again? Or more importantly, to your band? To me?" he asked, his voice rising to an unnatural pitch.
"I'm not doing it all the time. I just do a couple hits before each performance. It keeps my energy up," he paused, studying Bert's face, which had nearly turned purple with anger. "Not everyone was blessed with boundless energy like you seem to be."
Bert sighed, reining in his anger. "Gee, listen to me," he continued gently. "I know exactly what this shit did to me in the past, and I know what you've told me about your struggle. Please, Gee," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "Don't go down that road again."
Gerard looked at the covers, absently tracing a few fingers through the light dusting of powder. "But... baby... I need it for the show."
Tears sprang to Bert's eyes. "Please, Gee," he begged. "For me?" He sat down next to Gerard, wrapping his arms around him. "I won't be able to stand it if you fuck yourself up again." Bert clung to his boyfriend tightly, sobbing.
Gerard's eyes welled up. "Okay, baby. I'll stop," he whispered into Bert's hair. "Please don't cry," he said, pulling back. He gently wiped away Bert's tears and smiled weakly. "I'm sorry, baby. I never wanted to cause you pain."
Bert smiled back, although his eyes were still full of worry and sadness. "I love you, Gee. I don't want to lose you to this."
"I love you, too," Gerard smiled, pulling Bert into another hug. "Okay, I better hurry up and get to the stage. Mikey's probably having a fit by now," he said as he stood up, checking his makeup in the bathroom mirror. "I'll see you after the show," he said, as leaned down, giving Bert one more quick kiss. Bert followed him out and headed to his own bus. He's not going to stop, he thought sadly as he made his way back.
***********
Bert hovered outside the MCR bus, hoping to catch Frankie by himself. He felt terrible for snitching on his boyfriend, but he knew it was necessary. He glanced around the lot, hoping Gerard wouldn't be the first to return. He saw Frankie walking his way, talking to some guy Bert assumed was in another band. He waved goodbye to him and stopped when he saw Bert standing next to the bus.
"Hey, Bert. Gerard's signing a few autographs. I'm not sure how long he'll be. You can wait for him here if you want," he said, opening the door and gesturing for him to come inside.
"Actually, I was hoping I'd get to talk to you," Bert said, following him inside.
"Really? What about?" Frankie asked, grabbing a bottle of water and collapsing into the nearest chair. Bert took a seat beside him.
"It's about Gee..." he said. Taking a deep breath, the rest of his words came out quickly. "I found him snorting coke today before the show."
The bottle of water fell from Frankie's hand, splashing across the table. "Fuck!" he exclaimed, grabbing the nearest dirty t-shirt off the floor to mop up the water. "Please tell me you're joking."
"I wish I was," Bert replied sadly.
"God Damnit, I should have fucking known. They way he'd been acting... shit!" Frankie slammed his fist into the table.
"I know," Bert sighed. "I noticed he'd been dropping weight, but I just thought it was the stress of such a busy tour. I asked him to stop, but I know how naive I would be to believe he actually will."
Frankie dropped his face in his hands, rubbing his temples. "Don't worry too much. I'll talk to him, keep and eye on him, whatever. I refuse to watch him fall apart again. It was hard enough the first time."
Bert placed a hand on Frankie's shoulder. "Thank you," he said. "I feel terrible ratting him out like this... please, don't tell him I told you."
"Don't worry, he'll believe that I just picked up on the signs," he said, leaning back in his chair. He fished through a pile of junk on the table, finding a half empty pack of cigarettes. He opened the pack and held it out to Bert.
"Thanks," Bert said, taking one. "I knew you were the one I should talk to."
"I know. Mikey would probably go into hysterics and hit Gerard, and heaven help him if his high hadn't worn off when he did," Frankie replied, taking a long drag off his cigarette.
"God, I kno-" They both jumped at the sound of the door opening. Gerard made his way up the steps, smiling when he saw Bert was already there.
"Hey, baby," he said, pulling Bert into a hug. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," Bert replied, trying not to let the pain seep into his voice.
********
A few more weeks passed and neither Frankie nor Bert had seen Gerard with any more drugs. Bert tried to convince himself that it meant Gerard had quit, but he could tell by Gerard's violent swings from insanely happy and energetic to depressed and irritable that he hadn't. He was getting used to moments of perfect happiness followed by pointless spats about 'who took the last pack of smokes,' or 'who drank the last God damned beer.' He was also used to Gerard breaking down in tears for no apparent reason, sobbing uncontrollably as Bert did everything in his power to comfort him. The temptation to start using heroine again had never been stronger, but he resisted the urge, knowing that he needed to stay sober if he had any hope of pulling Gerard through this.
It was another night like many; Bert had fallen asleep in the hotel room with Gerard next to him, only to wake up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. He had just pulled his cell phone out of his jeans beside the bed to call Frankie when Gerard stumbled through the door.
"Hi, baby. Miss me?" Gerard giggled.
"Where were you?"
"I just went out to the vending machines. Want a Mountain Dew?" he asked as he dropped onto the bed next to Bert, grinning.
"No, I'm fine," Bert replied shortly. He knew Gerard was lying, and he knew he was high.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Gerard whined before wrapping his arms around Bert and placing short kisses across his neck. "Don't be mad at me," he continued, reaching his hand between Bert's legs.
Bert sighed, trying not to become aroused. "Gee, don't. I think you need to try and get some sleep."
"Nope. Not tired," Gerard grinned devilishly as he pushed Bert onto his back and straddled him, gently stroking his cock into arousal.
"Gee, please don't..." he gasped as Gerard leaned down and started nipping at one of his nipples.
"Don't what, baby? Don't stop?" he asked impishly, increasing the speed of his strokes.
Bert moaned. Fuck, he thought. If this is what he wants... He grabbed Gerard's shoulders and rolled so that he was on top. He quickly opened the fly of Gerard's jeans, grasping his dripping cock in his hand, pumping furiously. Gerard moaned and squeezed his eyes shut, bucking his hips. Bert sped up his strokes, wanting to get Gerard off quickly so he might actually fall asleep. But Gerard wouldn't come, and just when Bert's arm was getting painfully tired, Gerard sat up quickly and shoved Bert away from him.
"Jesus, Bert, can't you do anything right?" Gerard snapped. Bert fell back onto the bed and stared at Gerard with a look of horror.
"Don't fucking get pissed at me because you're too fucking drugged up to get off!" Bert snapped as he stood up.
Gerard followed him, zipping up his pants. "I don't know why I even bothered fucking with a fucking newbie, anyway," Gerard yelled. He moved to hit Bert, but slammed his fist into the wall inches away from Bert's face. He glared at Bert for a few more seconds before turning and storming out of the room. Bert collapsed on the bed and pulled his knees to his chest, sobbing violently.
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