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Savagely Bitter And Deathly Sweet	By : FrankiesLove Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > AFI Views: 1233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of AFI. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author's Note: Here's the fourth chapter. Written in Davey's point of view and what not. Hope you enjoy it.

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Bleeding Heart

When the world seems bright and perfect, there is an underlying tone of devilishness that exists in all living things. From the trees, to the air, to the clouds…there is something lurking beneath the surface, waiting to spring up and attach itself to the nearest living thing. That’s why I felt so empty on the inside, realizing that I had given up something so beautiful because of my selfish morals. He had needed me…and I had turned him away. The guilt was eating at me like it had at him, but I was trying to handle it better.

The hospital was one of the cleanest places in the world, always scrubbed and sanitized because bacteria is the number one factor in causing a death. All things start from bacteria and cells. Even the human race did at one point in time.

The halls of this hospital seemed too long to traverse, too hard to follow to the outside world. I never wanted to leave that small room in the Intensive Care Unit. Jade was in there, and I was going to be with him. He hadn’t died…but he had lost a lot of blood, initially making him slip into a coma. The doctors said that he had a chance to survive as long as we leave him there. But we had one request…and that was to not keep him after he was healthy. That meant putting him in the mental ward. I didn’t know if I could handle that. Already I was breaking down simply by sitting there with him.

I could feel the warmth of his hand in mine as I held it. Since after his surgery post-arrival, I had sat with him, my fingers gripping his tightly and hoping to never let go. There hadn’t been sleep in nearly two days for me…but I could hold on. Insomnia was one of my greatest feats when I was under a massive amount of stress. And that was the status of my situation at the moment.

Reaching out, I stroked the blond locks of Jade’s bangs and then smiled almost bitterly, realizing that I had done this to him just by being near him. But I wasn’t going to run away…I was going to face this and show him that I was here for him…that I did love him.

“Come on Jade…wake up for me.”

There was no stir from him, no change in his vitals, which were being monitored by those annoying machines that beeped every so often. Biting on my lower lip, I bowed my head and then rested my forehead on the mattress next to his arm, feeling the heat in my throat and mouth. They were tightening up as I started to choke on my own guilt, the tears coming up out of my eyes and gliding down my cheeks smoothly. A few dripped into my mouth and I licked at them before looking up again.

The way that his face was made, so sharp and smooth, angelic in a way and yet gruff and tough looking made him seem like the strongest guy out there, always the one that protected us when it was necessary. Of course, I had no idea that most of the protection that he gave me, be it from rough fans or just rude people, had been because he thought of me as his. That’s what he had wanted, he said. He wanted me to be his and only his…and he wanted to be only mine. Those tears clouded my vision again and I spoke, albeit choking between a few words on sobs.

“I’m sorry Jade…I’m so…sorry. I should have known…I should have seen it. This is…my fault. I led you to this, I made you do this by rejecting you, by ignoring your feelings. You confessed to me how you felt…and I just tore through it like it was nothing. Well that’s not the case.”

Moving closer to him, I looked towards the door to check to see if any nurses were coming, before I set the IV cords aside. I didn’t want to tear them out of him or anything. They were helping sustain his life and what not whilst he was in that coma. Laying down next to him, I rested my head on his shoulder and my right hand on his chest simply because I was on his right side. Sobbing a little against the warmth of his flesh, feeling the lankiness of his frame, yet the strength that lay just under the skin, I shuddered and spoke a little more, my tone hurt and almost strained by the fact that I was breaking down once more.

“I love you Jade…I always have. For years I’ve wondered what it would be like to have you…to be yours…and only yours. But instead you had Marissa and it broke my heart. I was jealous, I won’t deny that. But I respected your relationship decisions and just let it be, trying to ignore what I felt for you. I was so wrong.”

No movement from him and I started to get worried.

“You mean everything to me. You do make me smile and laugh every day, just by being there. You don’t even have to be around me or in view or anything to make me smile and laugh. That’s how I feel on the inside. And seeing you like this…hurt and almost having died, it breaks my heart…because I know that I was the cause of this.”

Leaning up, I stroked at his cheek whilst supporting myself on my left elbow, my fingertips gliding down the flesh of his face and across his jaw line. He was so beautiful, so incredibly handsome that he had no idea what he did for me. Just seeing him like that, immobile and unable to look at me with his pretty brown eyes…well…that made me want to join him. I wanted to sleep for as long as he did. Not to rest, but to be with him as long as he slept.

Pressing my lips against his just lightly, I felt the warmth that was still there and the slight pull of breath from the slit that his mouth had made. He wasn’t awake and already it felt like he was going to start snoring. I had spent enough time in the same bed as him, just staying at hotels and what not, to know that he was going to snore eventually. The nurses would handle that…or I would. But at least it was a sign that he was still alive. The beeping machines were no consolation to me.

After that brief and lingering kiss, I pulled back and looked at him again. He hadn’t changed even a bit. Swallowing hard to get my voice back, I whispered close to his ear.

“I love you Jade. They say that when someone’s asleep…they can hear you and they can remember what is said. So please…please hear me out. I love you…and I want you to be mine…I want to be yours. I want to go to dinner with you, and the movies, and stay at the bus or your apartment or whatever just to cuddle. Sometimes we do those things…but I want to make them mean more. Please don’t leave me like this…because I won’t be able to live without you.”

When I had finished speaking, I rested once more against his shoulder, my fingers curling against his chest whilst the other one was pinned beneath me. Jade was so handsome…for all of the marks that he had on his body.

My fingertips came down then, tracing over the word ‘Committed’. I didn’t understand why he got that tattoo. I had thought that it was for Marissa…but I could have been wrong. Swallowing hard again, I let my fingertips glide up his chest to his neck. It wasn’t sexual, just longingly. I liked touching him, and he knew it. That’s why he always let me. Sighing softly, I relaxed a little more and felt my eyes start to grow heavy. I needed to sleep…but I didn’t want to.

Taking up his left hand in mine, I held his fingers lightly, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb before I felt myself start to drift off. Shaking my head a little to stay awake, I stared at the contours of his jaw and his throat, seeing it move whenever his body forced him to unconsciously swallow.

I was going to stay awake, just to be with him, if that’s what it took for me to survive. But just the same…I moved a little more, trying to get a little more comfortable. That’s when I heard the voices outside of the door. Tilting my head, I thought that perhaps they belonged to a doctor and a male nurse…when Adam and Hunter suddenly came into the room.

They stopped, and Adam crossed his arms, looking at me with the utmost amount of annoyance. His voice even held that tone when he spoke to me coldly.

“What are you still doing here, Davey?”

Looking up to him, I showed him just how guilty I was, the tears obvious on my face thanks to my running eyeliner and mascara. I sucked in a sharp breath and then sat up a little more, resting on my left hand for support.

“I don’t need you to scold me, Adam Carson. I’m aware of what I did to Jade…and I’m going to make it up to him when he wakes up. Which should be very soon.”

“You mean if he wakes up.” Hunter just had to get into the conversation, didn’t he?

“Shut the fuck up Hunter. I know what I did was wrong and I’m going to patch things up, I’m going to make them right with Jade and we’re all going to go back to being the band that we used to be. He’ll be happy and content as long as I’m around.”

“Oh yeah? And what happens when you aren’t around? How does he function then?” Adam was just playing pessimist today, wasn’t he?

“I don’t mean literally have to be there with him. Just letting him know that he will always have me, that I will come back to him and I will wait for him, is enough to make him feel complete.”

Hunter growled at me, almost literally, and then gave me a few words in a gruff and very hateful tone; a tone that I had never heard him take before. “And how do you know that?”

How did I know that? That was a very good question. I knew because Jade had always known me…everything that I wanted, everything that I needed. He was there for me when I was upset and he comforted me. And he was always there to make me smile. That’s why I knew he was going to be happy with me; if he forgave me.

“It’s all a matter of forgiveness, Hunter. And I have faith that he is going to forgive me.”

He scoffed and then turned around, throwing a few words over his shoulder as he proceeded to leave the room. “Yeah, we’ll see Dave…we’ll see.”

When he was gone, Adam glanced back to me, letting out a deep breath before he moved towards the bed. Looking down at Jade, he tsk-tsked and then spoke to me lightly, knowing that I felt bad for what I had driven Jade to do.

“It’s alright Davey. Hunter is just…having a hard time. Jade was our friend too…and we’re all taking it pretty hard. Perhaps you more so then anyone else.”

“’Was our friend’? What does that mean Adam? Do you think he’s never going to wake up?”

“I really don’t know. The loss of blood cuts off the oxygen to the brain. He could have brain damage of some sort or suffer from some kind of bad disorder if he does wake up. But I never say never for anything. Never is a word that’s meant as a solid decision. And right now…I’m open to anything.”

Nodding a little, I lowered myself back to the bed and rested against Jade, my fingers once more intertwined with his. Adam could see the bleeding heart on my shirt…he knew that I was upset by this and probably thinking that it was a hopeless situation. Adam was like my big brother…and he knew just how to tell what was going on in my mind. That’s why he reached out and patted my hand, the one that was holding Jade’s.

“It’s alright Davey. He’s going to be okay.”

But he did not remove his hand from ours, and I didn’t care to make him. It was comforting, having someone there to keep me sane while I waited for Jade to wake up. Something that could possibly never happen.
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Savagely Bitter And Deathly Sweet