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Nobody's Home	By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2243 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: I'm to tired and hungry to say anything important.
And I'm to self-destructive to eat.
Whatever, just read it and review or whatever.

**

Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare

--

As days passed I couldn't help but opening up to Frank more and more. He was always there for me, and he didn't judge me for what I tried to do. I can honestly say that my hate for him, because he found me vanished.

Instead something else bloomed up, something I didn't dare to speak.

--

I never knew doctors could be so boring. Seriously he was just blabbering on, me sitting at the table and my mother sitting next to me. Dad was out and Frank wasn't allowed to come. The doctor was giving me advice on how to handle this. Like anything he said could help me anyway. But since they wouldn't let me leave if I didn't pretend everything was fine I had to sit there for almost two hours listening to his crap.

Of course I was going to go see a psychiatrist; there was no getting out of that one. I couldn't blame them; I had tried to kill myself after all.

Finally it seemed like his speech drew to an end.

"So Gerard, if there's anything at all, you can call this number at anytime." The doctor, Dr. Robins, handed me a small card and I nodded slightly. I still wasn't really talking to anyone, except Frank. I think my mother hated me a little for that, after all, she was my mother. Shouldn't it be her that I talked to? That I leaned on? That I confided in? Maybe, but I couldn't talk to her about this. She didn't know after all, she never would either.

With a few more words from him we were finally on our way out of there, going home.

When I heard a knock on my door I wasted no time in opening it. It was Frank of course, who else? I saw a smile spread over his face when his eyes met mine. Sometimes I wondered how he could have such eyes. They were so full of emotion all the time, and sometimes I thought they would overflow with his feelings.

After a short hug he grabbed my shoulders and led me to the bed, sitting me down and placing himself next to me. I knew what was coming, he was going to force me to promise never to try anything like that again, and he was going to try and make me live again. Sure I opened up to Frank, and I trusted him but… No, the pain was still too much.

Maybe it didn't show on my face anymore, maybe I had learned how to hide it, but the truth is that the pain was worse then ever. Sometimes I thought about how close I had been to finally finding Mikey again, and that made me cry every time. I cried because right now I could have been in his arms again, and I and Mikey could have been happy together in death.

I didn't even know I was crying before I felt Frank extending a hand to brush my tears away. That didn't help since they were replaced by new tears the second after, but he didn't care. He just continued stroking my tearstained cheeks and staring at me with his eyes.

"Gerard, Mikey wouldn't want this."

Those words hurt, they hurt so fucking much. Simply because I knew that was true. Mikey would've hated me for being like this, for treating people like crap. For not moving on. After all it had been six months. By now I should've moved on, and… Well screw it. I was going to try that. For Mikey. For my Mikey.

"I'll try to move on." I whispered, almost choking on my words. I didn't really want to move on, but for Mikey I would try. I felt the bed shift a little and Frank moved closer, placing one of his arms around my shoulders. "That's all I ask, that's all anyone asks." He leaned his head against my shoulder, but I was still sitting there stiff and cold. I didn't react to any of his actions; I just sat there with a straight back staring at the wall in front of me.

"Mikey will never be completely gone," His mouth neared my ear slowly as his grip around my shoulders tightened, "he lives in you now." And with that he turned my face towards his with his free hand and kissed me.

--

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real

--

One part of my mind was screaming 'kiss him back' and another told me to push him off. I didn't close my eyes when I saw him closing his, I couldn't. I had to see this, I had to feel this. My emotions were going wild inside me, and I felt like I was going to vomit. I knew I said I'd try and move on, but NOT LIKE THIS!

With those last thoughts I pushed him off me, and he tumbled over almost falling to the floor. As soon as he felt me pushing him off he got a sad and ashamed look on his face. He managed to maintain his balance, but fell to his knees on the floor in front of me anyway. "I didn't… I thought…" His eyes spoke for him, I knew what he was trying to say and I knew what he felt. I couldn't feel the same, not then. It was too early, and I wasn't ready to betray my brother that had died for me.

I grabbed his hands and pulled him towards me, and then I wrapped my arms around his now shaking body. "I know." That was all I could say, and that was all I needed to say. He understood, and he accepted it. He would never push me; after all he was my best friend.

That night I didn't sleep well, even if Frank was lying on a mattress on the floor. That usually made me feel safe, but not tonight. I was being haunted by my brother's angry and sad face. He was asking me how I could do this to him, I had kissed Frank. In my dream I tried to tell him I had pushed him away, but that only made him angrier. Finally I woke up, panting and sweating with tears burning behind my eyes.

I felt sick and got up from my bed and ran towards the bathroom where I emptied my stomach contents. I felt like my heart had been torn apart, and truth be told it had. I loathed myself, how could I even dream about doing something like this? Truth be told when Frank kissed me I liked it. I liked Frank. I had never considered falling for him before, but now… he was just amazing. And I knew he felt the same way. But there was no way I could be with him. No way in hell. That was wrong, and I knew it. I even accepted the fact that I would never again be allowed to be happy.

The next morning I woke up feeling something heavy on me. I tried to lift my arms to push whatever was sitting on me off. Probably Frank anyway. But I didn't seem to be able to move my arms. That scared me and I opened my eyes, only to find Mikey sitting on top of me.

"Gerard calm down!" Frank tightened his grip on my hands that had been waving in front of me as I screamed in my sleep. I had trouble breathing and when Frank saw that he lifted me up into a sitting position. "Please try to calm down!" How was I supposed to do that? I felt like my lungs where going to collapse if I didn't manage to take a strong breath of air soon. Finally I calmed down enough to steady my breathing, Frank still holding on to me tightly.

"What were you dreaming about?" His voice was filled with curiosity and care and I felt like I had to answer. I blinked my eyes a few times to fight the tears stinging behind them. "Mikey." Was all I got out before I got up and ran towards the bathroom again.

--

As days turned into weeks and weeks to months my condition only got worse. I fell for Frank harder and harder every day, but I never did anything about it. Mikey still haunted my dreams, and filled them with anger and regret. I never told Frank about how Mikey acted in my dreams, and I never told Frank about my… well… lets just say I didn't think Mikey was as dead as he should be.

Somewhere in my mind I knew I was losing it. I was taking too many of my depression pills, I drank too much, and I never slept. I constantly thought about Mikey, and how angry he must be. I thought about Mikey as if he was still alive, and out for revenge.

--

Why should I care
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone
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