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Smother me	By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1444 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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I left.

I left everything, because there was nothing for me at home.

I left New Jersey, I left it's streets that were covered in bottles and cigarette butts. I left its parks, where dead bodies were found much too often. I left it all behind, because there was nothing for me to get there.

Mum couldn't look at me without crying, and dad… he didn't look at me at all. I just went home, and stood in my old room, a room I hadn't seen in six years, and took it all in. I breathed the same smell that had been there all those years ago. I looked at my posters, I touched my old clothes, and I let my fingers stroke my guitar slowly.

Nothing had changed, because I guess my mum couldn't bare herself to get rid of the memory of me as a teenager yet. She couldn't bare herself to accept that I wasn't that kid anymore. The kid that slept with a nightlight, the kid she had caught smoking pot in his room. The kid she had helped when he was so drunk he couldn't stand straight. The kid that made mistakes, but the kid that she loved more than anything.

I think she still loved me, but I think she couldn't show it. I had really ruined everything that night so many years ago.

I couldn't stay in New Jersey, because Mikey and Donna lived there. Because I could run into them at the store. I couldn't stay, because people knew who I was. They knew I was the fucked up guy who smothered his boyfriend with a pillow. I was a story, a legend in some circles. They told stories about me on Halloween, saying that if they didn't behave, I'd come to their room at night with a pillow and take their lives away.

I couldn't stay there.

My mother came in when I was packing some of my things. Some things I just couldn't leave behind. Like my t-shirt with a picture of my guitar on it, that said "pansy" in big letters. And the box of Polaroid's Gerard and I took together.

"Are you going somewhere?"

I guess she thought I was going to stay at home. That I had come home finally, and was going to stay there. She had only seen me once or twice a year for such a long time; perhaps she couldn't understand that I was a grown man. I wasn't 19 years old anymore, I was 25 and full-grown. I had seen things, I had heard things, and I'd had things done to me, things that she couldn't even imagine.

"I'm leaving mum," I said, my back still turned towards her. I couldn't say it to her face, because I loved her so much. I heard her sniffle quietly, and I knew somehow, that she was nodding through her tears.

"Will you come back?" The question was spoken softly, and it was hard to answer to. I thought for a moment, while pulling some things out of my drawers.

"I don't know." It was the truth, I couldn't know. I had to do some healing, and I had to do some forgetting.

I finished packing quickly, and my mother followed me when I walked through my house, for the first time in six years, and for the last time in God only knew how long. My dad even came up to stand behind my mum on the driveway as I threw my bag into my old and beaten up car. They had kept it for all these years, just like the rest of my things. Silently hoping that maybe I'd come back, still a teenager, and everything would be like it used to. But they were wrong to hope for that.

I turned towards them, and took a few steps towards my crying mother and my worn father.

"Will you call?" My dad spoke to me, for the first time since he stopped visiting a few years ago. I just shook my head in reply.

"Will you write?" This time it was my mother who asked, and again I just shook my head.

My mum stepped out of my dad's embrace and walked towards me, putting her hands on my shoulders, looking me dead in the eye. In her eyes I could see all the pain I had caused her, I could see all the anger she felt for me. Also I could see all the love she still somehow managed to hold on to.

"I love you."

That was it. That was all she could offer. She couldn't forgive me, and I didn't ask her to. All she could do was admit that after everything, she still loved me. She hugged me, and I couldn't help but take a sniff, a final sniff, something to remember her by. The way her hair smelled of coconut shampoo.

"I'm sorry," I offered, but she shook her head, and walked inside. I knew she couldn't accept it, but it still hurt. She didn't give me a second glance; she just disappeared into my childhood home. My home where I had grown up, thinking I would make it someday. The home where I'd had so many dreams, which would never come true.

My dad still stood his ground, looking at me, his eyes tired.

He didn't say anything before he turned around and walked in to join my mother. There was nothing he could say, and there was nothing I could say. I threw one last look on the house where everything had seemed possible, where I had always been safe. Then I got in the car, to leave New Jersey – possibly forever.

A/N:
This might not be a shortstory, I have no clue.
All I know is that it turned into something special, and I really want the whole story to be out there.

There might be one more chapter, there might be twenty or a hundred.
We'll see I guess.

Just please keep commenting and subscribing.

Lots of love.
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Smother me