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An Irresistible Force and An Immovable Body	By : LegnaangeL Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 1234 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know Good Charlotte or the Maddens. This is ficition & not at all true & no money has been or will ever be made.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Chapter 4 - Benji's Pitchfork

A/N: The part about Challenger is sadly true. It was really said and broadcast on CNN back before CNN was huge.

Please, someone tell me that he is NOT sitting there!

I blink my eyes, hoping Joel will just disappear.

No good; he's still here.

"Did you have fun?" Joel asks smoothly.

I didn't have an answer for that. But apparently Benji did.

"A lot more fun than you just had," Benji says, nonplussed.

I drag my eyes to Benji's face. He is SMILING! Oh my God! The bastard knew Joel was there!

"What. The. Fuck." I punctuate each word with growing fury.

"It was a great show," Joel compliments, not realizing how angry I am becoming. "But it was missing a key player."

His twin has the same blank spot, because Benji chortles, "Yes, it was but you, like the idiot you are, chose to ‘sit' this one out. There are two kinds of people in the world, Joel. Those that play the game and those that watch it. And when it comes to Jade, I'd rather play than watch any day."

"Technically," Joel points out. "You only watched too."

"I still got mine," Benji says smugly. "You didn't get yours."

"Just keep thinking that," Joel nods, his eyes flickering.

"A game?" I repeat. "I was just a game?"

Realizing his mistake Benji says, "God, no Jade! It was a figure of speech."

"Piss poor choice of words, Benj." I snarl.

Yanking my shirt down, I haphazardly pull up my pants. It's one thing to know I have exposed myself to both of them earlier. I could handle the bathroom incident. However, It is quite another to think I am being intimate, one on one, only to find out I am being watched! I mean, granted, I wouldn't mind Joel watching us if we had known. But we hadn't...no, wait, I hadn't known...and this had been, well, private and special. Now it felt dirty and bad...and not in a good way at all.

"Jade," Benji began, pulling up his pants. "Let me explain."

Getting to my feet, I glare at him. "How long have you known Joel was watching?"

"Jade, listen-" Benji starts again.

"Dammit to hell Benji! How long?"

Benji looked down, then met my eyes. "The whole time."

"What?!" I spun around to Joel. "You watched the whole fucking thing?!"

"Yes, I did."

Dumbfounded I just stare at him. What do you say to that? What does anyone say to that? My numb brain made me simply shake my head at him in disbelief. The world must be ending because I simply can not find the means to communicate. Someone call Guinness, the Madden twins have done the impossible and rendered me incapable of speech.

"After earlier," Joel says quietly, starting to look a bit worried. "I didn't think you would mind."

Incredulous, I gape at him.

"Evidently," Joel comments as he stands up. "I was wrong."

Understatement of the year! In fact, it could possibly be the understatement of the past 30 years the three of us have been alive. Well, it would be second, actually, to the day the space shuttle Challenger exploded. I'll never forget watching that on TV in grade school. Everything was going great and then right before my 7 year old eyes, the shuttle blew up in mid-air. Next thing you know, Florida announces to the control center, "Houston, we have a major malfunction."
No shit Sherlock!

Yeah, his statement is definitely in that same league.

"Would you like me to apologize?" Joel asks, folding his arms across his chest as Benji stands up beside me.

I raise my eyebrows but words still fail me.

Placing his hand on my waist, Benji says, "I'm sorry we didn't tell you but it happened so fast and I am with Joel, on this one. I really didn't think you would mind, Babydoll."

Ah, finally: there is my vocabulary!

"Benji?"

"Yes, Babydoll?"

"DON'T call me that."

Taken aback, Benji tugs on my waist. "C'mon Jade, I just assumed..."

I interrupt him. "Never 'assume', Benji. When you assume that just makes an ‘ass' out of ‘u' and an ‘ass' out of ‘me'." Shoving his hands off of me, I turn past him, on my right to get the hell out of here.

"Jade, wait!" Joel calls.

"Freak Show's over boys, hope you had a lovely time," I yell as I stomp down the hall. "Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you as you leave."

Benji runs and catches up with me as I enter the bathroom. I slam the door in his face. Reaching down to lock it, I realize my stupidity.

The handle is still lying on the floor.

"Well, go on, kick the door open again, Benji," I rant. "At least I am dressed this time. Of course, I have your cum on me but that's what you ultimately wanted right?"

The door opens slowly and both twins enter the bathroom, looking contrite.

But I don't stop. I am on a roll.

"You know," I scowl, as I grab a washcloth and clean off his secretions from my body. "All you two bozos had to do earlier is just open the fucking door. But no, you have to go and get all "Home Improvement" on me and take off my damn door handle. While the entire time...and get this now guys...THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED!"

"Jade," Joel says softly.

"I'm not through," I yell, rinsing out the cloth and ringing it. "They say lightening never strikes twice but I know that is not true because I saw it happen tonight. Wanna know how I know?"

They just look at me with shock on their faces.

"I'll take those vacant expressions as a yes," I bellow, throwing the washcloth at a stunned Benji, who catches it. Straightening my shirt, I continue.

"Again, for the second fucking time tonight, you two take what you want thinking there's no other way to get it, namely sexing me up. You thought that door was locked too, and you didn't even try to open it either, like normal people. No, you just barge in, do what the hell you want, and I am suppose to be okay with it. If you two had half a brain between you, which you obviously don't, and if Joel really ‘read' me, you would both know that if you both wanted to watch me, all you dumbass motherfuckers would have had to done is ASK!"

Heaving, from my tirade, I brace myself against the sink for a couple moments, and finish.

"But I guess that was too much trouble for the two of you to go to," I say in a normal voice as my breathing calms down. "After all, I was just a bit of fun. And maybe, I am the dumbass here. Why would I think I would mean anything more to either of you than just another piece of ass that is doable."

"That is not true and you know it," Benji agonizes, his voice heavy with pain. "I meant it all and much more."

"You mean that you wanted me?" I remind him, my eyes lit with animosity. "Oh, I believe you, Benji. You wanted me so bad, you made me promise to fuck you. Get out your little black book and pencil me in for a future lay! I am a sure thing."

I laugh bitterly. "The joke's on me fellas: I was the fool. I think those vertigo attacks killed part of my brain and left me more vulnerable to idiocy. But even dunces like me need to sleep, so if you don't mind, I bid you both adieu."

I start forward toward the door, but the only way to it, is through them. Benji doesn't move, but Joel sweeps to the side, and throws his hands toward the door like an usher showing me the exit. Head held high I walk to the door.

When my foot hit's the threshold, I am stopped by the craziest sound. A rhythmic popping noise cracks repeatedly behind me. Reflexively, I turn to see what it is.

Joel is clapping.

"Bravo!" He calls to me. "I would ask for an encore, but I believe the fat lady already sang."

My face is bewildered as I hold up my hands as if to say, What?

"You are such a fucking drama queen," Joel scoffs. "Do you even listen to yourself? You are pissed that we didn't ‘ask' you," Joel uses his fingers for the quotes. "Yet, you openly admit that had we ‘asked' you, you would have gladly let us do exactly what we did. So which is it? Do you want us or not?"

"Joel, I don't think now is the time," Benji starts but Joel waves him off.

"No, Benj," He replies. "This is the perfect time. Let the little hypocrite answer my question."

"Hypocrite?" I sputter. "How am I a hypocrite? You two took unfair advantage of me!"

"Bullshit!" Joel growls. "It was what you wanted and much more. What makes you a hypocrite is that you are acting like you don't and lying about what you feel. I know you are not truly mad at either of us. What you are disgruntled about is that we surprised you. You wanted to be in control of the situation and you weren't. It's time to own up, Jade. Tell the fucking truth!"

For just a moment, I am reminded of my dream. In my mind's eye, the stern, angelic Joel from my dream is standing in front of me, righteously mad. All beauty and light except for that damned black pitchfork that Benji gave to him. I watch as he thrusts Benji's pitchfork straight at me! His words are sticking in me as deep as that pitchfork ever could.

The thought makes me snap.

"The TRUTH?" I scream, completely losing my composure.

Joel screams back. "THE TRUTH! YOU FUCKING OWE IT TO US!"

Joel stabs Benji's pitchfork even deeper in me.

"I WANT YOU BOTH! All the time, every time and not just for fuck buddies," I screech, angry tears streaming down my face. "I know it's fucked up. I know I can't have it. But there it is. You are right Joel: I'm not mad about it, I was just pissed because I didn't know. I had gotten what I fucking wanted...and I didn't even get to fully enjoy it!"

Yeah, take out the pitchfork, Joel. I'm done.

Benji's mouth drops open.

Joel isn't surprised at all and he isn‘t ready to remove that damned pitchfork, either. "Why can't you have us?"

I laugh hysterically. "Why not? Maybe because it is wrong on so many levels: religiously, morally, legally! When I say I want you both, I mean exactly that. In my book three is company, not a crowd. Getting the picture?"

"Has this always been your preference?" Joel asks, sounding like a damn shrink.

"No, Dr. Joel," I say sarcastically. "I used to crave massive orgies but decided to upgrade."

Benji's lips twitch and he almost smiles.

Good thing he doesn't because I'd probably smack him.

"Allow me to rephrase the question," Joel says, with a tinge of amusement. "Have you always wanted a threesome or is it only something that occurred after you met us?"

Benji looks startled at Joel's use of the word. "Threesome?"

"Yes," Joel's voice answers crisply. "I believe that is the proper term for what it is that Jade is wanting."

Benji stares long and hard at his twin. Joel doesn't look at him but remains focused on me. After a couple of seconds, Benji's eyes dart over to mine and I can tell I am not the only one caught off guard by Joel's persistence.

"Well?" Joel prods.

If Joel doesn't let up, that fucking pitchfork is just going to move right on through me until it comes out my damn back.

"I-I don't know," I stutter, answering honestly. "I...maybe before...but I never have...and I never will."

"Why not?" Joel says softly.

"I already answered that," I spit out with venom.

"No," Joel shakes his head. "You told me why society doesn't want you to do that. There is a deeper reason that has nothing to do with social acceptance. You specifically said, ‘I never will'. That means there is a much more personal reason. "

"He's right," Benji says slowly, staring intently at me.

I do not want to go there. However, better to admit part of the truth and get him off my back then to tell all. "I'm sick. I will never get any better and I may get worse. That makes any kind of relationship, no matter how light, deep, or otherwise, impossible. It is an unfair burden to lay on anyone."

They are both quiet for a moment as they look at each other. Then Benji looks up at me with such sad eyes, it almost drives me to my knees.

"So you were planning on letting me be a one night stand?" Benji asks, gruffly.

I gasp. "No! You could never be just a one night stand to me!" Not being able to help myself, I move toward him from the door. He steps back from me and I stop. Pain pulses through every nerve in my body. "Benji?"

"Hey, I'm a slut according to you, remember?" He smiles ruefully. "I'm used to it. Like Joel says, I‘m ‘cheap and disgusting.'"

"Benj," Joel starts but Benji cuts him off.

"Don't sweat it, guys," Benji laughs sadly. Checking his watch, his sticks his hands in his pockets. "I just realized I've got something I have to do."

"At 1am?" Joel questions, disbelieving his twin.

"Yeah," Benji looks down then back up at Joel. "I'm taking your SUV so if you are coming, let me know now."

Joel looks hard at me. "I'm staying."

"I think you should go," I counter. "It's for the best."

Benji walks pass me and it takes all I have not to reach out to him. "Benji, I honestly didn't mean..."

"Let it go, Jade," Benji says bitterly. "I already have."

Clenching my jaw hard, I hold back the torrent of tears that threaten to spill over.

"Are you coming?" He calls back to Joel.

Joel hesitates, then nods. "Just one thing left to say." He comes up to me and looks me dead in the eye. "Sick or well...its not a factor. You don't want to 'burden' us because we don't deserve it? Guess what? You didn't deserve the burden either, Jade. What you do deserve is to live life to its fullest and sickness be damned! The saddest part is you don‘t see what is right before your eyes because you are too caught up in your own fucking smoke screen."

"Just leave, Joel," I whisper. "I've had all I can take tonight."

Following Benji, Joel leaves with his twin and I hear my front door slam just as Benji‘s pitchfork clatters on the floor, passing all the way through me.

Weakly, I manage to find my bedroom and fall in bed. I want to cry. But my tears refuse to come. The disconcerting conversation plays over and over in my head. I can't get rid of Joel's voice or Benji's sad eyes. I know that this was the way it was always going to end, but that doesn't make it any easier.

The corpse within me rests uneasily in its corroded coffin as I recall Joel's last words.

‘You deserve to live life to its fullest...'

I really want to believe that. I would like nothing more than to embrace every lustful thought and feeling I have for both of them. To throw away the rule book and make one of our own. So many fantasies and pleasurable journeys I would embark upon with those men. Would we ever come back down from it all? Is there a way that we could make it last forever?

Not on lust alone.

And I don't believe in that kind of love.

Even if I did believe in true love, there would still be a quandary: how can three people ‘love' each other? It seems to be difficult enough in this wretched world for two people to make a go of it. Three is infinitely more complex. The sheer dynamics of such a relationship alone, are enough to boggle the mind. Each person has preferences; each person has limitations; and each person has the ability to change their minds, just to list a few of the problems. All that plus much more in the mix is the recipe for a colossal mess.

I had actually thought for a while that maybe we could all just ‘enjoy' this and let it be what it is, then walk away from it. Perhaps even remain friends. After what happened with Benji tonight, I realize that can never be. How ironic, that of the two brothers, Benji is the one society thinks is the bad ass, too tough for any real feelings. Yet, his emotions are as fragile as anyone else's and I hurt him badly tonight without meaning to at all.

I suck.

"Benj...Joel..." I moan their names softly as I feel the full force of the anguish inside me. It hurts even more as I realize for the first time since I came home from the hospital several weeks ago, I will be sleeping in my house without at least one of them being next door. They were so good to me and I had ruined it all. The long, depressive hours pass and eventually, sleep finds me.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

It's gray.

Everything around me is gray: the sky, ground, my surroundings, even my body. No color exists here at all. The dreary world causes me to feel despair as I contemplate the meaning behind all the shades of gray.

Sitting in the middle of a gray road, the wind blows gray dust through my colorless hair. I feel cold and abandon. Looking behind me and in every direction, I struggle to find a way out of this dismal place. There is none and it is a good thing too, because I doubt I could have pulled myself to my gray feet to walk there. Placing my elbows on my knees, I put my ashen face into my hands as silver tear drops slip down my cheeks.

"Don't cry."

I know that voice very well. It's Joel! I look up. But no one is there. I am all by myself.

"So alone," I whisper in despair.

"No, you're not, Babydoll. We're here."

My heart aches at the tender name and I search in vain for Benji. I can't find him. I cry harder. "I can't see you."

"Open your eyes, Jade. We are right beside you." Joel's voice declares.

Shaking my head, I still can‘t see them, my eyes wide. "No, you left me...you both left me."

"We could never leave you, Babydoll." Benji soothes. "We had to stay."

I sob uncontrollably as I stretch out my hand. It connects with a warm body that presses into me. Suddenly arms are around my back and my waist, holding me. I still can't see anyone, but its okay now. Strangely, just being able to feel them, calms my tears.

"I feel you. I feel you both," I say as I hold on to their arms. "I always want to feel this."

"You always will," Joel promises in my ear. "You are ours."

"You belong to us, Babydoll." Benji breathes, and I can feel it on my face. "Now rest."

My gray world flickers before my eyes as I comply to do as he requests. I still can't see either of them, but that no longer matters as darkness falls.

What matters is that I can feel them.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

My mind begins the terrible process of waking up. In spite of all the years in public relations, I am still not a morning person. I never will be. I am a total unapologetic nightowl pretty much since the womb. I even kept my Mom up kicking her in the ribs, having a party long after midnight. So, give me the wee hours of the morning and then give me my bed and leave me there until 3pm. That is the lifestyle I would always lead if I had a choice.

Laying quietly on my back, I wonder why I still feel so worn out. Either it is very early or maybe I am ill...

Then it hits me: yesterday.

Slowly, my previous day and night filters through my groggy brain. An ache spreads through out the middle of my body as I remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. What a terrible day! Well, it wasn't all awful...I did have an amazingly hot time with Benji...and Joel...who was watching. But then I ruined the whole damn thing with both of them. And hurt Benji...fuck!

I thought about the threesome idea and the last things I was trying to go over in my mind before I fell asleep. Part of me still couldn't believe they both left me alone last night. I guess I should start getting used to that since that is the way it is going to be from now on. A lump forms in my throat at the thought that this is my new reality.

For a second, my mind flashes to my dream. How accurate it was about the color being gone from my world. Still, their voices had seemed so real. The comfort they gave me had made it all somehow bearable. Swallowing hard, I remembered them holding me...both of them. They told me I was theirs.

And I am.

Deep in my heart, something shifts. I'm not sure what it is. It's been over a decade since I last felt anything inside it. The dormant organ only beats and provides blood. Feeling has been removed from its list of obligations. But there it is: a faint pulse of...something. This is a monumental day. Never saw it coming, ever. Hell even the corpse in me is sticking it's head out to take a look! Wonder what caused it?

Sigh, I know the answer.

Benji and Joel.

The pulse beats just a bit stronger.

Yeah, that was it.

Um...I think...I think I may like that.

Not wanting to expand on this thought just yet, I return to the dream. Playing the beautiful words they spoke back over again, I can't help but feel happy. Even though it never happened and probably never will, it was one of the best moments of my life. The strength of it still surrounds me. Hell, it even feels like they really are both holding me in their arms.

"Babydoll."

Mmm, there's Benji's sweet voice again in my right ear.

"I think she is still asleep."

Ahh, Joel too in my left ear; I have them in stereo!

"Then why is she smiling?"

Wow, this dream is good...Benj is right, I am smiling.

"Are you awake, Babydoll?"

"Hey, that's my nickname for her!"

Sigh, even in my dreams Joel and Benji still fight.

"She's pouting now. Makes me want to kiss her."

I want to kiss you too, Joel.

"I want to too. She's damn good at it."

Thank you Benji! You are pretty damn good too!

"So, who's going to do it first?"

Now that is quite a dilemma Joel. Let me know when you boys figure it out.

"I'm the oldest."

"Alright, age before beauty then it is."

I snicker with Joel.

"Hey, Babydoll you are awake!"

Benji sounds so put out. I swear this dream is the best I have ever had. I wonder if it will feel as real when Benji kisses me?

"Open your mouth, Babydoll."

I part my lips.

"Kiss him well but save some for me."

God, Joel is making me so hot, I can even feel his breath in my ear.

Benji slips his tongue in my mouth.

My eyes fly open...this is no dream!
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An Irresistible Force and An Immovable Body