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It's Only Life	By : XLiebeX Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1006 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction! I do not know Dir en grey, and I do not profit from these writings.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
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[I apologize if this chapter seems too rushed; it was written, originally, as like, three separate chapters. They were too short and I put them all in one chapter. So, if it seems like everything is happening suddenly, that's probably why. "/ ]

Chapter 4

Kyo didn’t lie about catching up on his sleep. I smile as I stare at the singer, who is curled around a pillow on the tour bus couch. I suppose he deserves it… He certainly puts all of his energy into his sexual endeavors. In addition to the smile working at my lips, a warm feeling coils in the pit of my stomach as I recall exactly how much liveliness Kyo put into last night.

I suppose in theory, he didn’t lie completely about the shower. We did get clean… or rather, he touched himself obscenely under the premise of bathing until he deemed that I, too, was ready to be ‘bathed.’ He rubbed me and touched me, promising that we would leave the shower clean… eventually. And eventually, we did get out clean.

For a moment, I feared a burn-out. To Kyo, is there such a thing as too much sex? That thought nagged in my mind annoyingly. He did say that he had plenty of nurturing sexually with Totchi, but that’s the difference here, right? I am willing to give him all the emotional care he wants and needs.

Shaking that thought off, I sat on the couch next to the top of his blonde head. I turned and looked down at him, observing how innocent and totally vulnerable he looks asleep. When he is sleeping, he has no way to keep up his guards up. It hammers home the point again that Kyo is multi-layered and I wonder if I’ll ever fully understand him.

“Kaoru, how is it going today?” Die calls to me, and I cringe inwardly, hoping that Kyo stays in slumber.

Turning toward him, I place a finger over my lips and stand up. “Come on,” I mouth, and point to our beds. We settle on my bunk, Die clambering in and settling against the wall, letting me sit next to him.

“So, what happened last night? I left you two, and then you disappeared.” The tall guitarist stares at me, his expression intent and curious. The bastard is just trying to make me uncomfortable.

“We went back to the hotel,” I reply, somehow hesitant to spill my guts all at one time.

“And…?” Die prods, knowing there is more to the story. Oh, is there... I could write a book about everything that transpired between Kyo and me last night. I shrug, avoiding looking over at the guitarist.

“Come on, I always tell you about my uncomfortable situation,” Die says, gently shoving my shoulder. It’s true... Whenever he feels too wound up about Shinya, Die comes to me and we talk. Sometimes for hours, until he feels better and life goes on for him.

“I took him back to my room, Die.”

“You fucked.” He declares, taking liberty and translating for me. How very kind of him. I say nothing to neither deny nor confirm the statement, but Die forges on. “So…” he says, moving so he can see my expression better, “How was it?”

“Die,” I say with a warning tone. I am not exactly enjoying being pushed at by him.

“Kaoru,” Die mimics.

“Does it matter?” I ask, exasperated.

“So, you did!” Die exclaims a bit too loudly. I lean my head out of the bunk and stare toward Kyo’s form. He is still motionless, thankfully. I sigh and glare daggers at the tall man opposite me.

Die’s face is full of mischief now. “So… Was it rough,” Die snickers, “Or did you make sweet, sweet love to him?”

This is getting old quickly. “Both,” I reply firmly, crossing my arms across my chest. If he does not stop prodding at me, I am going to give him every single aspect of last night in explicit detail, right down to the last drop of Kyo’s semen that his mouth obscenely sucked from my fingertips.

“Oh, twice?” he remarks, grinning, “And I was beginning to think that you would never give in and tell me!”

“Three times, actually,” I say, my face unchanging, “and you’re really annoying sometimes, you know that, Die?”

“Alright, bullshit aside—what happens now, Kaoru?” Die asks, serious now.

“What do you mean?” I think I have a clue of what he is getting at, but I want to make certain before I say anything.

“Are you two together or…?” Die holds up a hand in a speculative manner.

“It seems so… I hope so.”

“Kaoru,” he says, sounding very inquisitive, “You’ve really got it for him, don’t you?”

I nod, solemnly. It’s a true fact and denying it would do no good. I have felt things for Kyo for such a long time that I cannot even remember when they first started. Perhaps the first seeds were planted the very first time I laid eyes on him.

“You’ll be good for him,” Die says, putting a reassuring hand on my knee before climbing out of my bunk.

------

Thudding music assaults my ears; not our music, but the music from the club we are hitting tonight. Our stage show was energized and almost reminiscent of our early shows, wild and with a hint of unpredictability. The thing that caught my attention was Kyo’s heightened interaction with the rest of the band— and I wonder if anyone but I noticed the looks we shared.

This time, Kyo is not depressed in the least. He is animated and chattering with the other members of the band as they down drinks. I was finishing the last of my cigarette outside, but I stopped to observe Kyo from afar. His face is lit up as he laughs at a joke from Die, and he points at Shinya, who is covering his mouth abashedly. He knocks back another drink, which is a little strange for him, as he doesn’t usually drink.

This is the Kyo that doesn’t really need me, the confident and independent Kyo. A frown tugs at my mouth as I watch Totchi, grinning that crooked smile at Kyo, reaching over to gently shove the smaller man. My blood stirs possessively at even that small contact.

My displeasure grows as Toshiya grasps Kyo’s wrist and tugs him from the booth, leading him toward the men’s bathroom. Neither of them notice me from where I stand, I blend so well with everybody else. Now, it’s highly possible that they just have to piss, but part of me wants to keep Kyo far away from Toshiya.

I cross over to the bathroom, cracking open the large door enough to see inside. Stepping in, I look, just in time to see a stall door being yanked shut and two pairs of legs… with their owners in obvious, close proximity of one another. The loud music seeps into the tiled area, but not loudly enough to cover the sounds of a wet kiss, the muffled noise of Kyo saying our bassist’s name.

I back out and lean on the wall outside of the bathroom. My chest feels like a two-ton weight has been dropped on it. Like my ribs had been cracked and they are trying to puncture my heart. I swallow thickly, as though something is lodged in my throat and refuses to leave. Suddenly, the door opens and Kyo darts out, heading for the exit.

My legs snap into action and I trail after him, having to move more quickly than I think I should, considering his height. “Kyo,” I call to him, my voice sounding foreign and choked to me. He slows for a moment, and I jog up to him. “What happened?” I ask, matter-of-factly, grasping his arm, and he stares at me oddly. He knows I know. “Kyo… What just happened with Totchi?”

“Kaoru, I- I don’t. I just ca—” he lets out a frustrated noise and pulls himself away from me.

“So you lied to me!” The fear that I have harbored as a secret, deep inside of me is coming to life. It wants out and it will have to rip me open to do it. “I was right— you don’t fucking need me, do you, Kyo?” I yell as the singer stalks off to climb into a cab. He leaves me standing outside of the club like an idiot. I have never felt so backward in my life.

A plaintive, rough sound escapes me and I spin around on my heel, heading back toward the club without much aim in my motions. Without thinking, my fist collides with the hard, exterior wall. A throb starts instantly in my hand and travels up the length of my arm but I ignore it, continuing to pound against the concrete.

“Kaoru…?” A soft, smooth voice pulls me back from my rage, ever so slightly. Shinya is standing there, his long frame seeming unusually awkward as he stares at me. I clench my jaw, and press my head to the cool concrete, my abused fist hanging limply at my side. I feel Shinya’s long arm enfolding around my shoulder, offering comfort.

“What is going on?” He asks gently, carefully reaching down to take my hand by the wrist with his long fingers. They are cool against my skin, which seems to be throbbing at the touch. “If you hurt your hands, you can’t play guitar.”

I shrug under his grasp, attempting to appear indifferent, even while that simple statement shocks me with the severity of the truth in it. Shinya stands there, patiently while I stay silent, trembling inwardly. I know our drummer well enough to know that he will stand here all night, if I will. He would do it for any of us.

“He still loves Totchi.” I mumble it grudgingly; almost afraid that by speaking it louder, it might make it even truer than I feel it is right now. “I was stupid—should have known.”

“Did he tell you he still loves Toshiya?” Shinya asks in his melodic, husky voice.

“Doesn’t need me,” I say, disregarding that question because it makes me feel insecure and stupid. My emotions have never run so rampant before. I have had little experience with feeling things so wholly and it is overwhelming me.

“Never say that,” Shinya says, with his soft voice now stern, “Nothing is one-sided and you know this. You need to talk to him; if you want him so much, don’t let go so easily.”

------

By the time I reached the hotel, my anger had faded to sheer hurt. On the elevator ride, my mood mellowed more and more. Upon reaching Kyo’s door, I felt only anxiousness, coupled with a touch of resignation. Reaching for the knob, I realize I don’t have a key, but the handle yields to me, anyway. It is not like Kyo to leave the door unlocked— he values his privacy, especially in hotels.

“Kyo…?” I call gently, still feeling a sad ache in my chest. No answer. However, it is also not unlike Kyo to simply ignore you when you speak to him, particularly when he is in a foul mood. It’s like he goes to his own place, where he can be alone and safe.

Stepping in, I spot Kyo immediately. He is curled up on the foot of the bed, his back to the door and me. Instantly, my softness for him is evident by the tenderness I feel just by looking at him. Walking closer, I gaze down at his face. His expression is unpleasant, almost pained, which worries me. I hope that he has not been crying… I don’t want him hurt.

Seeking to comfort him, I place a gentle hand on the exposed part of his neck. I freeze at the heat I feel underneath my palm. Gently turning him onto his back, I kneel, pressing my lips to his forehead. His face is just as hot as his neck, much too hot to be normal. Concern overtakes any other worries I had. “Kyo,” I say firmly, “Kyo.”

His chocolate eyes open and focus fuzzily on me. They are not lit up with the usual brightness and awareness that is normally evident in them. “Cold,” he murmurs, “Cover me?” He visibly bristles and stares up at me, plaintive and obviously wanting me to do something for him.

I hesitate for a moment. He definitely has a fever, and I can’t remember what you are supposed to do when someone asks for a blanket. “Just stay put, Kyo,” I say, ignoring his request and instead, going to find a washcloth to make a cool compress with. Running cold water over one of the cloths, I walk to the bed and place it on his hot forehead gently. “Hold that,” I tell him.

“It’s cold,” he says, obviously displeased. At any rate, he lifts a hand to his forehead and holds the rag in place, but he appears listless and pallid to me.

“You are sick,” I start, getting upset and trying not to show it, “How long have you felt sick?”

He waits a moment. “I felt bad toward the end of the show, but I ignored—”

“How…? Why did you ignore it?” I ask, becoming angry. Damn it, if he would have just fucking told us that something was wrong with him, I would not be here right now, worrying myself to death over him.

“Warm,” Kyo says, obviously understanding the anxiety in my tone, “I thought it was pointless to complain. I’m alright; I will be fine. Really, it’s not anyt—” He stops, his eyes widening as he leans over the edge of the bed and vomit spills out of his mouth. A surprised, choking noise comes from him as his body wracks with the effort it is using.

Even without any prior knowledge of where the trash bin in located, I find it and position the can under his mouth to prevent any more mess from getting on the hotel’s carpet. I turn my head away from it, preferring not to see it in action. The stench is not pleasant, like stomach acid and alcohol. It must taste five times worse.

Kyo groans when it’s over, coughing a shaky-sounding cough. “Something is wrong,” he manages, sputtering, and I look as he points into the can. My stomach rolls as I stare and I quickly see exactly what he means. Along with the expected, typical color of his vomit is an unexpected red tinge. Blood… “I’m calling the doctor.”

+leppgirl— It was a long time ago, when I uploaded this. Sometime at the beginning of last year, maybe? The less that people read it, then, the happier I am. I have so much shame, lol. At any rate, thank you for reading!
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It's Only Life