Your Sins Into Me | By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work. |
Hours went by as Kyo walked through the city, people and streets and buildings passing in a blur as his thoughts spun fitfully. The sky had just started to darken when he found himself in front of a familiar squat building with blinking neon signs. He wasn’t due on stage for a while yet, but where else did he have to go? He passed the bouncer with a half-hearted wave, slinked listlessly into the tiny backroom he used for dressing, and locked himself in. With slow, deliberate motions he undressed, throwing his fancy English clothes carelessly onto the floor until he stood nude in the center of the tiny room. For a long time, he let his mind wander freely as he stared with glazed blue eyes into the mirror.
‘I can’t believe he actually fired me…’
‘Hakuei’s going to be so pissed…’
‘How much money do I have saved?’
‘Shit… maybe fifty thousand, if that? My part of rent is thirty thousand… shit…’
‘Was that convenience store still hiring?’
‘He really fired me… I can’t fucking believe it.’
‘I can’t ask Mom for money, she’s the one that told me living out here was so hard!’
‘Hakuei is going to be so fucking pissed…’
‘Don’t think about the tea shop. Don’t think about Hakuei. Nothing exists now but the stage, the crowd, the music.’
The thoughts and worries that typically buzzed around his mind like a horrible swarm of bees went blessedly silent when he sang, and he craved that silence now more than ever. Shaking himself, repeating the last, stern thought over and over, Kyo went into motion.
From a small duffle bag he kept in the room, he drew a baggy pair of black jeans, a lightweight button-down jacket, and a pair of black and white creepers. He normally went shirtless to avoid overheating under the heavy lights on the stage, but the last thing he wanted was a club full of people staring at the stark white bandages that covered his wrists. Those particular sins were personal. He wore the jacket opened and off of his shoulders, covering only the lower half of his back and his forearms. Practiced hands applied heavy foundation and concealer, bold, striking black eyeshadow and pale nude lipstick, giving himself a wild, undead sort of look.
With every piece of clothing pulled on, every stroke of make-up applied, and every piece of hair teased and pulled into a wild spike, the blonde felt himself strengthen. The more he thought of his show, the more his heart thumped eagerly in his chest, no longer huddling with stress at the base of his throat, and his belly fluttered with anticipation rather than fear. On the stage, he was powerful. He was loved and lusted for, he controlled the crowd and they worshiped him for it, he spilled out his soul and they lapped up every bit of him hungrily, adoringly.
As much as he wanted to smoke to steady his flighty nerves, a glance at the clock told him that showtime was drawing near. He moved to the stage stairs as the club floor went dark to herald his arrival, only the red lights above the bar remaining for the bartenders. With a deep breath, his shoulders rolled back, shedding their fatigued slump like water as he strode confidently into his place. Taking up the microphone as a haunting, electronic tune started up around him, the strain of anxiety left his face replaced by a wicked smile and burning eyes. Bass and drums began to thrum, and Kyo growled, the sound echoing thickly through the room. He gathered himself up, rocking with the thrumming, and leapt abruptly, tucking his feet against himself as he reached the peak of his jump and slamming them into the stage when he descended.
“Now!”
Guitars joined in a powerful cascade, and the lights flared with them, illuminating the crowd and causing them to scream in anticipation, the open dance floor surging with bodies. Taking a deep breath, letting go of everything that made him ache inside, Kyo brought the microphone up to his lips, his voice harsh and intense.
“I can feel the animal inside, my resolve is weakening. Pounding at the doors of my mind, it’s nearly overpowering! I cannot begin to describe the hunger that I feel again. Run if you intend to survive, for the beast is coming to life, taking form in the glimmer of this tainted moonlight.”
The music slowed to a subtle backdrop, allowing Kyo’s voice to echo powerfully through the room-
“Death approaches on this night!”
-then picked up again, wicked and wild. The blonde’s body writhed and twisted as he went into the chorus with a feral grimace, leaning over the edge of the stage to snarl at his crowd.
“For the animal’s soul is mine – we will be completed right before your eyes. I have no control this time, and now we both shall dine in Hell tonight.”
~*~
After the smoke break following his performance, Kyo slipped quietly through the club and slid into a stool tucked inconspicuously at the end of the bar. A willowy man with shoulder-length auburn hair appeared on the other side of the counter almost immediately with a small ceramic cup and a matching carafe that steamed profusely. Though Kyo generally avoided alcohol – ever since a serious case of alcohol poisoning a little over a year ago – he harbored a fondness for hot honeyed sake, in which this particular bartender periodically indulged him. His friend even boiled the drink a bit for him to dull the effects of the alcohol.
Kyo filled the small cup and held it lightly in one hand, gesturing with the other to the DJ station at the other end of the room as he spoke with a raspy voice. “Kouji said you were looking for me, and now you’re buttering me up with sake. What’s up, Shinya?”
A sly smile crossed full lips, and one large eye winked playfully as the man retreated to tend to other patrons. “You seemed a bit down tonight. I just wanted to give you a moment of peace before you were besieged.”
“‘Besie-’ SHIT!” Kyo growled, struggling to keep his cup steady as long arms were flung around him from behind and a narrow chest slammed into his back. “Goddamn it, Die! I thought you had tonight off.”
“I do! I came in just to see you, Kyo-chan.”
Kyo elbowed his friend viciously, knowing the taller man would hardly notice. The smell of beer had washed over him, and he knew Die was happily drunk for the evening. “Don’t call me that.”
“Ah! You’re no fun! Ever since you went sober, you’re just so serious all the time. You’re turning into Shinya! Drink your sake and be fun again.”
“It’s boiled, Die.”
Die wasn’t listening. His already impossibly tall body was stretched even longer, using Kyo’s shoulder to keep himself steady as he balanced on his toes and waved one arm enthusiastically. “OVER HERE! I FOUND HIM! Kyo, this is the guy I wanted you to meet.”
The blonde hunched over the bar with a groan, resigned to his fate, and went back to his sake. It was just a little too hot, and the honey made it decadently smooth while the remaining trace of alcohol warmed him from his heart out to his fingertips. It soothed both his sore throat and his frayed nerves. Shinya always knew just what Kyo needed.
“There you are. Here, this is the infamous Kyo Nishimura! Kyo, this is Kaoru Niikura, your biggest fan,” Die announced cheerfully, using the arm still wound around the blonde’s shoulders to spin his stool around.
Kyo nearly choked. The man from in front of the tea shop, the man he had vomited on in broad daylight, was standing before him. He was wearing a tank top now – black, with an elaborate cross design on the front – that revealed strong arms heavily tattooed from thin hands to lean, muscular shoulders. The blonde stared at the inked skin, his throat constricted.
‘Kaoru’ didn’t seem to recognize him, scratching the back of his head with an awkward smile. “Ah, hi.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s seen every one of your shows! We’ve been drinking together all night, he showed up super early to get a good seat!”
“Oh, come on now, Die, you make me sound like some kind of stalker.”
Kyo’s gaze rose from its perusal of the gravestones on the man’s forearms to look into the sharp face, careful to keep his voice steady. “Aren’t you?”
Dark eyes blinked, recognition dawning. “…Blue Eyes?” The man’s smooth voice had an easy laugh. “Wow… I guess I really look like one, huh?”
Die was confused. “You guys have met already?”
“We… ran into each other earlier today,” Kaoru explained, flashing Kyo a faint wink. “I’ll admit, I didn’t even recognize you all prim and proper in a suit jacket and little boy shorts.”
Die’s raucous laugh made Kyo flinch a little. “You saw him at the tea shop!”
With that, the ice had been broken. Usually the people that Die brought to meet him were either awkwardly shy, or insultingly forward. Kaoru could hardly be shy after the blonde had thrown up on him, and after seeing him flustered and dolled up like a schoolboy, understood that Kyo’s wanton stage presence was not all there was to him. The older man settled into the stool next to him, Die remained draped over his back, and Shinya returned periodically to join in one of the most oddly comfortable conversations Kyo’d had in a long time.
At one point, Shinya brought Kaoru a refill for his dark beer. Kyo had since run out of sake, and Kaoru offered to buy him a new drink, but Die interrupted with a hearty laugh. As Shinya filled the usual red tea mug, the redhead launched into the story of the blonde’s birthday party just over a year ago, when participation in a rowdy, very competitive drinking game had resulted in Kyo taking an ambulance to get his stomach pumped. Kaoru’s eyes sparkled with curiosity as the blonde hid his face behind one hand. Die was one of his dearest friends, but he swore if he heard that story one more time, he was going to strangle the redhead and throw his corpse into a river.
“-and the nurse comes out to tell us, you know, Kyo’s not dead or anything, and the guy’s just covered in puke! He’s trying so hard to pretend it doesn’t bother him, but his face is all white and he keeps making this weird gurgling sound-”
“Am I interrupting?” The low voice, almost too soft to be heard over the noise of the club, made Kyo stiffen.
Die straightened, his grin as bright as ever. “Oh hey, Hakuei, right? I haven’t seen you in forever! How long have you been here, did you see Kyo’s show?”
The man smiled as he moved gracefully to take Die’s place at Kyo’s back. “Of course. I forget sometimes what you can do with that voice, Sugar, and hearing you scream my name last night reminded me, so I thought I’d swing by.”
The blonde relaxed a bit when he couldn’t detect any of the jealousy he’d expected; his lover was usually very possessive and Die had been in a somewhat compromising position. The blatant revelation of his sexual preferences was somewhat galling, almost certainly intended to make a point in front of his friends, but he wouldn’t start anything over it and Hakuei knew it. A surreptitious glance in Kaoru’s direction sought to gauge the man’s reaction to the new information. So far, his friendly smile was unwavering over the rim of his beer glass, his sharp eyes still bright with interest.
“Hakuei, you remember Die and Shinya. And this is Kaoru,” Kyo supplied.
“How could I forget?” Hakuei nodded cordially to Shinya and Die, then looked to Kaoru with a sharply curious gaze. “Kaoru, was it? Do you work here too?”
“Not exactly.”
“Nah, he’s a fan. He comes all the way across town every weekend just to see Kyo-chan’s show,” Die said teasingly, pulling up another stool for himself. “He’s getting all famous, you know!”
“Is that right?” The arms around Kyo’s waist tightened ever-so-slightly. “You never told me you were famous, Baby. You have fans.”
Blue eyes narrowed just a sliver. Hakuei’s voice was somehow cold, all of a sudden. He spoke carefully. “Don’t listen to Die. He’s drunk; it makes him dumber than usual.”
“Hakuei, can I get you something to drink?” Shinya asked politely.
“No thanks, I think I’m going to head home for the night. You coming?” the taller man asked, nudging his blonde lover.
Kyo slid out of the stool, shouldering his bag. “Aa… goodnight, guys.”
“Awww, man! Are you sure?” Die sulked. “I was really hoping you could hang out for a while…”
“Sorry, Die. I’ll see you guys next week.” The blonde smiled slightly, following Hakuei’s lead as he headed toward the door.
A hand caught his wrist, brushing against the gauze wound around it. Kyo looked back and found his gaze caught by intense chocolate eyes. Kaoru’s casual smile did not match the severity of his stare, nor did the easy tone of his voice. “It was a pleasure to meet you properly, Kyo. I hope we can do this again sometime.”
Kyo stumbled a bit when his arm was released, wide blue eyes still looking back over his shoulder as he walked away. “A-aa…”
The song above (The Animal) is intellectual property of Disturbed, and I do not own any rights to it or profit from its use.
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