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Slow Motion	By : clandestinecassie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Panic! At The Disco Views: 2102 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Panic! At the Disco. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 42
- 43
Sorry for this taking so long. College classes are killing me. This isn't the last chapter but we're getting close so I certainly hope you guys stick with me till the end. And as always any feedback is helpful to me.

“Brendon? You’re…what?” Nate says sounding astonished, he’s scrambling to reposition himself so that he and Brendon are face to face. “You’re not, you’re not saying what I think you’re saying…are you?” Nate’s asking, hands falling to the younger boy’s shoulders, giving a hard squeeze. Brendon offers a lopsided smile and brings his hands up to cup either side of Nate’s warm face.

“I’m going to go to the police and tell them that I was the one who killed Brent.” In the last few days he had worked it all out in his mind. He would go to the cops and of course he was going to leave everyone else out of it, Gabe and Ryland but Tyga, Tyga would undoubtedly get out of jail and maybe the cops will finally believe him. That could cause trouble for the other two men involved. But how much would it matter to Brendon if he were in jail? And Gabe doesn’t know about Nate, wouldn’t be able to find Spencer and Ryan.

In some odd way, going to jail would be a perfect way for Brendon to obtain his freedom.

Nate stares at him his perfect little mouth is hanging slightly agape. His hands shake on Brendon’s shoulders. “You want?...You want to go to jail? Leave me?”

“I’m not leaving you! I’m doing this for you.” Brendon insists, really doesn’t Nate see that he’s getting the better end of the deal here? “So you and I can be together and be happy.”

“We’re already together…we’re already happy.” Nate’s eyes slip downcast. Brendon leans forward until their foreheads are touching, Brendon closes his eyes and can feel Nate’s breath ghosting around his lips.

“I know, but I’ve got to do this baby, but…” God, alright, this would definitely be the hardest part of this conversation. “But you don’t have to wait for me…you can...be with someone else if you want.”

There’s a silence in which Brendon’s heart is simultainiously cracking and thumping wildly. He’s giving Nate permission to walk away from this car crash of a relationship. He feels the soft brush of Nate’s lips across his and the smallest hint of a laugh.

“I already told you that I would see this through to the end, baby, we’re not done yet.” Nate whispers, wraps himself around Brendon and they stay like that, pressed tight and close, warm and happy and Brendon can barely believe that he’s willing to give this all up for what he’s now considering the greater good.

“I think I should go tomorrow…you know, while I’m still up for it.” Brendon whispers, his arms wrapped tight around Nate’s chest. He feels the other boy stiffen against him and he nods. The two of them are cuddled together watching the tv, the news, in the fear that they’ll hear about something bad happening to Ryan and Spencer.

There’s none of that tonight but there is a story about a drug dealer, generic at best, he had gotten busted with some high class drugs and instead of getting caught the dealer decided, as the reporter had put it, to go out in a blaze of bullets, choosing to fight the cops. Brendon’s barely paying attention so he’s thoroughly shocked when a picture of Gabe flashes bright across the screen.

Brendon’s mind shuts down as does his body all he knows is that he’s seeing a picture of Gabe, camera footage of Gabe’s flashy house roped off with yellow police tape, Gabe’s white car riddled with bullet holes. The boy’s mouth goes dry and he swallows thickly forcing himself to tune in at the tailend of the news report.

“Mr. Saporta was transported to the hospital but was declared dead on arrival.” The reporter states and the story changes, just like that, on to something new, Gabe’s life, his existence boiled down to three and a half minutes.

“Oh my…Oh my god.” Brendon mutters, he’s shaking, thinking of the last time he saw Gabe alive, just the other day. The other day when they fucked and they kissed and Gabe had ruffled his hair and told him to come to him if he had any problems. But now? Now Brendon was feeling like he was a tightrope walker and someone had pulled the safety net right out from under him. He always sort of saw Gabe as invincible, someone who couldn’t be touched, couldn’t be fucked with. And now-now he was dead? It just seemed impossible.

“Brendon..what’s wrong?” Nate’s asking, can undoubtedly feel the way his boyfriend is shaking.

“I..just…I’ll be right back.” Brendon whispers, slides out away from the warmth and the safety of his beautiful little boyfriend. Nate is nodding and staring at him with those big brown eyes. Brendon is still shaking as he slides out of the apartment and into the little hallway, Nate’s floor is sparsely occupied so chances are good that there are no neighbors to piss off.

He dials William’s number with trembling digits, regardless of the late hour. He’s not sure what he’s expecting, just knows that William for all his denial and drugs, loved Gabe, loved him a hell of a lot. William picks up on the third ring.

“Hi, Brenny boy, what’s up?” William sounds…well, he sounds happy which is a good indicator that he hasn’t heard about Gabe yet.

“Hey, Will, listen…have you talked to Gabe lately?” God, that wasn’t supposed to be how he started this conversation but he just couldn’t bring himself to blurt out the truth, he still barely believes it.

“Ah, no. Our dear Gabriel has decided that he would skip our nightly phone call tonight.” William explains, sounds slightly exasperated. God, he must really be being punished by some higher force if he’s the one who has to tell William.

“William, you don’t watch the news do you?”

“Nothin’ but bad news on there.” William supplies as his answer. Brendon sighs deeply, the other boy notices. “You alright Brenny, baby? You don’t sound well.” Brendon briefly pictures William, all long limbs and big doe eyes, probably a little crooked smile on his face. The younger boy does not want to be the one to steal it all away.

“William…it’s about Gabe..something happened he-“

“Is he hurt?” William spits out immediently. “I told his dumbass not to fuck around with so many shady people but we both know that he doesn’t listen to anyone-”

“He’s dead William.” Brendon whispers across the line, it’s blunt but jesus, it’s necessary.

“I…What?” Brendon can barely hear the other boy on the phone line. “How?”

“He-he got into it with the cops as far as I can tell…It was on the news and…”

“Gabe…” William speaks softly and for a brief moment it feels like he’s speaking to the boy, that the tall dark haired man is in the room with him.

“William, I’m-“

“I’ve got to go Brendon..I’ll…I’ve got to go.” He’s never sounded more serious and it’s a rare occasion that William doesn’t use one of Brendon’s nicknames. He sounds heartbroken and Brendon doesn’t make any noise, just lets the older boy hang up on him, holds the phone to his ear, drinking in the crackling silence until the dial tones starts blaring.

Brendon slips back inside and his mind feels like it’s been turned off like he’s walking on autopilot. He makes his way back to Nate curling into his smaller boyfriend as soon as he’s sitting. He’s reminded of the day Jon died, of the sorrow that had infested his insides, how he immediately felt drained and like a chain those thoughts lead him right back to Ryan and Spencer.

Nate doesn’t ask questions, just brushes his fingers through Brendon’s shock of dark hair. Brendon feels instantly tired despite all the rest he had gotten. His mind doesn’t even want to process what’s happened. Doesn’t want to think about who will do Gabe’s funeral services, what will happen to Victoria and William and Ryland and whether or not that protection that kept Brendon untouchable will fall just like Gabe did.

Brendon does manage to sleep again that night and he’s up around ten in the morning, attempting to make a decent or hell, even edible breakfast for the two of them. Nothing feels different or better in the light of the morning, the world just feels dangerous and jagged.

Brendon decides to postpone his departure to jail at least until after Gabe’s funeral. He’s not even really sure if Gabe is going to have a funeral, do they do that kind of thing for people who manage to injure five cops during their blaze of glory?

The boy isn’t even sure who would take charge of the funeral, this isn’t like Jon’s, Brendon’s not doing any of it. He’s been texting William on and off all morning but had yet to receive an answer. He contemplates calling Victoria but the only number he ever had for her was Gabe’s cell and he’s more than certain that the device is locked away in some evidence locker downtown.

Mostly he just watches the news and lets the shock settle around him. In an odd way Brendon is thankful for the momentary distraction, for the few hours, minutes, seconds, he doesn’t have to worry about Spencer and Ryan. He’s far too busy worrying about Nate and his own safety.

Ryland was on Gabe’s payroll, Brendon was protected because of Gabe and now that the man was dead and after all Brendon had been a witness to…would Ryland risk leaving him alive. Brendon figures that he at least has a while before Ryland figures out where he is. There should be no visible link between Brendon and Nate at least not one that Ryland can see.

Nate on the other hand is not concerned with Gabe’s death. He didn’t know Gabe he barely knows that Brendon knows of him. The older boy never asked Brendon about him and the other boy was never strong enough to own up to knowing him.

Sometime between Brendon taking a shower and Nate compulsively dialing more Smith’s in the phonebook, Brendon gets a text back from William. It’s nothing extravagant, just five simple words. Meet me at my place.

Brendon tells Nate he’s going out for a bit and the older boy raises his head instant distrust in his eyes and that’s the price for confessing all his sins to his boyfriend, he lost that sense of trust Nate once held in him.

“Nothing illegal, I promise.” Brendon says on his way out. He kisses Nate once and the boy just nods and lets him go.

“Just come back Brendon.” He hears Nate say just as he closes the door.

Brendon uses Nate’s car, keeps a keen eye out just in case he see’s Spencer and Ryan. It’s a long shot and he knows that but it doesn’t mean that he tears his eyes away at any point during his drive. Brendon’s tempted to drive past Gabe’s house but the thought of cops and the possibility that Ryland could be looking for him stops him from going anywhere but William’s.

Will’s car is parked in the driveway and for a moment Brendon can pretend that this is going to be a pleasant visit, one where William pounces on him and calls him Brenny and does all those other stupid things he used to do.

William’s front door is unlocked and Brendon doesn’t even bother knocking before he enters. The door clunks heavily against something and for a moment Brendon is scared that it’s William but it’s not, it’s the end table that belongs in the living room. The boy trails his gaze over William’s place and his eyes widen at the wreckage.

The whole place is destroyed. The couch is flipped on its back, the television cracked and blaring out fuzzy static. There are ripped pillows, broken dishes; shards of glass from the mirror are decorating the floor. He’s careful as he walks through the mess calling out William’s name carefully.

“Brendon…” It’s barely a whimper from the backroom and there’s William laying in his bed, shirtless and lying among the wreckage that was once his bedroom.

“Will…what the hell happened?” Brendon crosses the threshold easily, stepping over knocked over chairs and shattered picture frames.

“Brendon….” William repeats he moves limply and like he’s in pain turning is head back and forth until he spots Brendon standing near the foot of his bed. “Brendon.” As the boy gets closer he can see William’s sweating and shaking, he’s got small slits and gashes on his hands and forearms probably not self inflicted but gained during the destruction of his place.

“William, are you alright?” It’s a stupid question but it’s asked nonetheless. William shakes his head and flops uselessly around his sheet stripped bed. Brendon gets up beside him and tilts his head so that he’s looking into William’s eyes. The older man’s skin is slick to the touch and his eyes are wide and blown wide. He’s definitely on something.

“What did you take Will?” Brendon asks as William’s shaking sweaty palm finds his wrist and clings limply.

“I just wanted to ask him why.” William mutters and Brendon’s beginning to wonder if he should call 911.

“Will, I-Are you in trouble? Do you want me to call an ambulance?”

“I just wanted to see dear Gabriel again…and ask him why.”

Brendon slides his hand down William’s arm, over his shoulder and up to his neck. He takes his chin in his hand and turns his head so they’re face to face once again.

“Fuck, fuck, are you overdosing?” Brendon asks, he shakes the other boy a bit but William’s gone all ragdoll on him, lying there limp and useless. “What the fuck did you take William? I need to know so I can help you!”

William shudders out a breath. “I called you…I didn’t want to be alone during it so I called you.”

“During it? Yo-You called me to come here and watch you die?” Brendon fights back the anger and the tears from spilling out. What the fuck was William thinking? Killing himself with drugs and then calling Brendon over here? It made no fucking sense but then again nothing did these days.

“I wanted to see someone before I went to Gabe.” William whispers out, Brendon bites his lip.

“Gabe’s gone you idiot…you can’t see him anymore…”

William shakes his head. “No-no, I know I can see him if I try. He wants me to be there…I can see him Brendon.” William’s eyes are impossibly wide almost comically so.

Brendon’s hands slide to William’s shoulders and he’s shaking, William not fighting him at all just flailing around all floppy limbed. “It’s not him! It’s just…just the drugs…why’d you do this Will? Gabe wouldn’t have wanted you to die…he loved you.”

“He didn’t…see that’s why I have to go to him. So, I can tell him that I’ve always loved him…this isn’t how this was supposed to end you know? I always thought we’d end up together in the end somehow and I knew he was doing dangerous shit but I never thought that he’d…that they’d…you know Brendon?”

William’s words are slurring and heavy on his tongue. His body is cold and growing colder as the drugs work their way through his system, killing him. Brendon’s running out of time and options. He can call the ambulance and get William help or he can leave and let what William wants so desperately to happen.

For a brief moment he thinks of Pete. He thinks about how Pete had been thankful that someone had stopped him, that he had gotten a second chance. William deserves his second chance, they all do.

Brendon grabs up William’s cell and how Will was able to text Brendon he’ll never figure out but he uses Will’s cell to call 911. He speaks quickly and doesn’t offer up his name. As soon as he knows the cops are coming he looks back at William whose brown doe eyes have glazed over and he just prays that it’s not too fucking late.

“William…help is coming.” Brendon says as he backs towards the door of William’s room.

“Brendon…you need to be here…I need someone with me…”

Brendon shakes his head but doesn’t offer any answer. He can’t, the cops can’t find him, he just can’t risk Nate’s safety.

“I’m sorry-Will-I…can’t.”

Brendon leaves just as quickly as he came, screeching away to the sound of sirens blaring across town. He feels bad that he left Will, he does but things are coming down to the wire here and he can’t afford to mess up, not even one more time.

When he gets back home Nate’s either given up on calling the entire phonebook’s worth of Smith’s or he’s just taking a break. Either way he just smiles at Brendon, doesn’t ask where he’s been or who he’s seen or what was so important.

Brendon tries his best to go on with life as normal, well, as normal as he can manage. He forces himself not to think about whether or not help was quick enough for William, whether leaving was the right decision. Thinking about anything is really off limits for him because all his thoughts seem to revolve around William or thinking about how right about now Spencer would be cooking and Ryan would be sprawled on his stomach reading.

Some handful of hours later when Nate’s fast asleep and Brendon’s sitting out at the kitchen table with a notebook open and blank in front of him, he had been intending on making a list of all the things he needed to do before he turned himself in, he gets a text message from William.

‘I’m in the hospital, I had a dream that you were my guardian angel.’

Brendon can barely believe that the doctors are letting Will use his phone but he figures he at least owes the older boy a response. It appears that William doesn’t remember Brendon coming over and calling the ambulance and despite his need to repent for his sins he doesn’t bother to correct the boy, he feings ignorance and shock over William’s accident and promises he’ll come and visit.

After the texts Brendon stares down at his blank sheet of paper of all the things he wants, needs to do before he gets himself locked away. Normally he wouldn’t think about it too much about how he’ll be away from Nate and everything else he loves and knows. He’s only ever seen prison life in movies and TV shows but he imagines life in there to be hard.

Brendon abandonds his list and retreats back to bed with Nate. The smaller boy is sleeping soundedly as Brendon wraps an arm around his soft hip, fingers tracing across warm skin. He’s trying to memorize it all, touch and smell, taste, everything estentially Nate because he knows he’ll miss it.
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